Month: January 2014

2014 Royal Rumble

Oh boy. The event that is getting talked about more than probably any show since the invention of the internet… and not for anything good!

Match 1 – Daniel Bryan Vs Bray Wyatt. Ahh Daniel Bryan. How fucking OVER is this guy? It’s pretty fucking incredible. Haven’t really been into this whole Wyatt feud, but hey, Bryan has remained over as fuck, and probably becoming MORE over (especially after that cage match), so it’s been tolerable for crowd reactions alone lol. Went into the match not expecting much, and watching live I was surprised as hell, so I’m very much looking forward to re-watching this one! Match feels very much like a FIGHT, with Bray wanting to beat the hell out of Bryan for turning his back on the family, and Bryan just wanting some good old fashioned revenge. Harper and Rowan getting sent to the back and Bray saying “I don’t need you to fight this WAR for me” sums everything up perfectly, because these two go to fucking war. Lots of stiff looking offence from both guys, combined with Bryan bumping around like a champ for Bray. Can’t say I’ve cared for Bray in the ring before, but damn he looked great here. Being in the ring with Bryan likely helped a lot, but Bray was great at making the match look like a fight and incorporating his character into the match. Irked me a little that Bray shrugged off the leg work from Bryan the moment he got in full control, but at the same time it didn’t bother me too much, if that makes any sense. Bray was so splendid in control that I didn’t care if he sold the leg longer or not. SPLASH TO THE HEAD~! RIGHT INTO THE RINGPOST~! Nice of them to work the recent concussion to Bryan into the match. Did they even mention that on TV btw? It was mentioned here after Bryan got squashed into the ring post but I don’t remember if it was brought up on Raw or anything. Another thing I really liked about the match is how Bray didn’t stick to just one body part. He gets control of the match by slamming Bryan arm first onto the apron. Then he squashes his head into the ring post. Then he attacks the mid-section. Normally I’d complain that whoever was in control was all over the place and confused about what they are doing, but it seems to work in Bray’s favour given his character. He’s a crazy psychopath who wants to HURT Bryan no matter what. PLUS you have Bryan refusing to just stay down and constantly makes little comeback attempts that force Bray to cut him off in different ways, so he doesn’t always have the TIME to focus on one part of the body without Bryan coming back at him. The head does eventually become more of a focal point though, mainly because of Bray’s finisher and the fact he uses it on the outside into the barricade which was fucking AWESOME. “WHY DIDN’T YOU HELP HIM?” Was a great line from Bray to the fans, who all just sat there and watched as he crushed the guy’s head into the ring post then splashed him. If they truly loved him then shouldn’t they have helped him? Oh and the creepy upside down spider walk thingy is awesome. Creepy but awesome. I do however await the day when someone kicks him right in the fucking FACE when he does it . THAT FUCKING CLOTHESLINE  !!! Sweet jebus was that awesome looking. Just another wonderful cut off spot from Bray. Really enjoyed how Bryan kept making those small comebacks, using his usual comeback offence, but never getting to do it all at once. He’d start doing one thing, then Bray would cut him off, then Brian would come back again with some more of his “moves of doom” stuff, and again he’d get cut off. Made a nice change from the basic “moves of doom” comeback and yet another thing I love to praise this match for. Fuck, there is just so much awesomeness to this match. There is still a ton of stuff I haven’t brought up because if I mentioned everything I liked I would have ended up with a play by play commentary of the match instead lol. So in the end, Bryan falls to Bray and Sister Abigail in the middle of the ring. Would I have liked Bryan to win? Of course. Am I particularly bothered that he didn’t? No. Because it isn’t going to hurt Bryan in the slightest. Bryan is OVER and that isn’t changing. Bray beating Bryan helps him infinitely more than it would help Bryan to beat him. The only complaint I have is how they had Bryan, the superuber over guy, in the first match of the night lose… which in all honestly teased the absolute shit out of everyone that he might show up again for the RR match and win. But that’s a rant for later. As far as this match goes… superb. ****1/4.

Match 2 – Brock Lesnar Vs The Big Show – I was fairly hyped for this one. These two have a history of good matches, so I was hoping for something super fun. Instead… Lesnar jumped Show before the bell and smashed the shit out of him with a chair. Then another chair. Show lands a WMD which DOESN’T knock Brock out (despite Michael Cole being a retard and screaming that he was knocked out…), which I have to say I fucking LOVED because it made Lesnar look like a BEAST. Show uses that time to rest and go after Brock with some more shots to the mid-section… then Lesnar powers him up, F-5 and wins. Then smashes another chair over Show over and over again. And honestly they really waste too much time on it. DID YOU KNOW? SHOW GAVE LESNAR HIS FIRST LOSS AT THE 2002 ROYAL RUMBLE EVENT!!! What? You didn’t know that? I don’t blame you, because it’s not a real thing. GREAT JOB AS ALWAYS, JERRY! I like the idea of the match; Lesnar beats down Show with a chair, Show hits WMD to make his comeback, Brock shakes it off and lands an F-5 and wins. But in execution they dragged it out FAR too fucking long. Big Show apparently might have been injured going into the match so this is their way out, but I definitely think it could have been done better. For what it was, I DID enjoy it, however I was expecting much more from them, and the amount of time spent on it drags the whole thing down. **.

Match 3 – Randy Orton Vs John Cena – So instead of sitting through this god awful on paper match live, I made some food, and watched an old episode of House. I was half way into an episode before the RR started so I continued with that, and I think I made the right choice. However, since this IS a WWEWHC match, I don’t feel right about skipping it, so it’s time to sit through what might be the least appealing “main event” match WWE could possibly throw at me.  DANIEL BRYAN chants before the bell even rings. Followed by “let’s go Cena CENA SUCKS” and then “YES YES YES YES” chants. So Bryan is definitely over as fuck in this match, and Cena has his usual mixed reaction… and Orton is completely ignores . SO LET’S CONTINUE TO PUSH ORTON AS THE TOP GUY YEY!!! Was that a “we want Angle” chant? And a “Y2J” one too? LOL. Orton Vs Cena is so bad people actually want ANGLE back. I did like how Orton stood there and soaked in the chants then started viciously kicking and headbutting Cena, like he was using the crowd’s hatred of this whole situation to motivate him. But the fans still don’t care about anything and move on to a “boring” chant and continue to absolutely ignore Orton’s existence . Orton keeps trying to use the crowd and bring them into the match, so that’s nice… but yeah, they just DON’T CARE. They, the PAYING WWE AUDIENCE, are telling WWE WHAT THEY WANT and WWE are IGNORING THEM EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. So they are just shitting over this terrible, force fed bullshit and rightly so. And it’s not like they are shitting over a good match either. Cena and Orton are doing fuck all to make this match worth sitting through. It’s just the same old shit from both guys. What the fuck? I swear there is like, an actual full MINUTE of Orton stood doing NOTHING while Cena is down on the match. Seriously. And the crowd were petty silent too . Yet another dull moment in this crapfest! Ref bump. Random shit. WE WANT DIVAS chant . THIS IS AWFUL chant . Commentators play it off as the crowd trying to get in Orton’s head or some bollacks. Ummm no. They are trying to get into Vince’s head, to tell him he’s a fucking MORON. Finisher fest that sucks. Lights go out, Wyatt’s show up, Orton takes advantage and wins. Wyatt’s beat down Cena to set up to what is apparently a WM match in the making. LOL. Crowd were the ONLY good thing in this match, and I don’t give STARS to crowds. DUD.

Match 4 – 30 Man Royal Rumble Match – RUMBLE TIME BITCHES! Punk is #1 of course, and #2 is Seth Rollins! Good pairing to start things off . Some really fun sequences her with both guys kicking each other around and shit. Sandow is #3. Yawn. CODY #4. Poor guy lost the tag belts in the pre-show. TO THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS. IN 2014. LOL. But seriously that was kinda bullshit. I like the NAO. I’m a fan of them being back atm. They’ve had some fun matches with Punk and Cody & Goldust and The Shield, but tag champs? Get the fuck out of here. And ending the Cody/Goldust reign on the fucking PRE-SHOW too? Bullshit. Sandow is gone. Good. KANE! KANE IS #5! He’s 1 elimination behind HBK for most total eliminations… so he gets eliminated by Punk before he can get even 1. HBK gotta hold on to that record I guess. Can’t have Kane breaking another RR record. Oh well. He still has most eliminations in a single rumble… . He’s been in the most consecutive Rumble matches at least. OMG #6 IS ALEXANDER RUSEV!!! HE’S THAT… DUDE. FROM NXT. THAT I’VE NEVER SEEN OR HEARD OF BEFORE IN MY LIFE. FUCK YES!!! THIS IS AWESOME *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* . But in all seriousness, he actually looks impressive. RR matches are a good way to debut certain guys imo, as it allows them to just come in and crush people, look dominant, hit a bunch of big moves and not be limited to some “wwe style” match where they need to apply a lame rest hold for 2 minutes in the middle of the match. SWAGGIE~! But more importantly, ZEB AND HIS AWESOME SIGN. “Kofi Kingston’s 6th Rumble match” said by Cole as Kofi comes in. Then he follows it up with “I miss-spoke, Kofi entered at #8 and this is his 6th Rumble match”. Uhhhh… how the FUCK did you miss-speak you fucking tard? great drinking game for this PPV is to take a shot every time a commentator fucks up. You’ll be dying of alcohol poisoning by the second match. Nobody makes it to the RR match. GOLDUST . 6 guys eliminate Rusev, which makes him look strong in defeat. Kofi gets launched on him and he places him on the barricade, which leads to the anual Kofi Rumble Spot. It was ok. Hard to surpass the hand walking thing tbh. I was actually hoping he’d miss it when I watched the show live . DEAN AMBROSE. So Seth entered the match from the crowd like always… but Dean enters from the entrance way? Oooook. Jim Duggan’s pick shows up at #12; Dolph Ziggler! I see the real Hacksaw is as stupid as his fake twitter account . Another Kofi isn’t eliminated spot. Urgh. KEVIN NASH. Nice to see him I guess. He eliminates SWAGGIE then goes after THE SHIELD and then… doesn’t really make a difference because #15 ROMAN FUCKING REIGNS lobs him out. Man oh man Reigns comes in looking awesome. He fucking DROPKICKS a guy who is on the apron by jumping up onto the apron with a dropkick and landing on the apron. Kinda hard to explain it exactly but it was awesome. SPEARS. ELIMINATIONS. AWESOMENESS. And then Khali shows up. The fuck is Khali still doing in the company?  I swear JBL is just sat on fucking Wikipedia so he can spout out random RR facts. Goldust accidentally runs into Cody and eliminates him! Then Goldust gets dumped out . Losing the tag titles and then the elimination is likely the beginning of the end of their tag team . SHEAMUS! YES! THE GREAT WHITE IS BACK! . Hope the guy gets right back into workhorse mode like last year before he got injured, and 2012. Cool to see him go at The Shield again after all this time. Miz. No reaction for him. Ha. Bad News Barrett mention. Didn’t Barrett enter himself into the RR on SD? The fuck happened there? Wait… why the fuck do I care? Fuck Barrett. And fuck Miz. Man, I forgot Punk was even still in this thing. The fuck has he been most of this match? Lazy shit. DANIEL BRYAN chants again as the countdown to #20 begins. El Torito ends up being the next entrant. Which is actually better than a lot of the other entrants so far lol. Guys take a bunch of bumps for the little guy and it’s kinda awesome tbh lol. Then he eliminates Fandango . Roman presses the midget bull over head and launches him into Fandango who takes a fucking hilariously bad bump. CESARO AND ZEB WITH A FOLLOW UP SIGN . GIANT SWING~! Punk with a drop kick to Miz while he’s getting swinged. Swingged. Swung. There we go. I felt a little queasy just watching poor Rollings get spun over 20 times. SPEAR TO CESARO~! Harper comes out and the crowd fall silent. LOL. Another Uso shows up and the crowd fucking DIE again, which is a shame because Cesaro and Harper have an awesome exchangeof uppercuts. JBL!!! JBL IS IN THE RR!!! He gets in, stands around, shouts to Cole to take his jacket and then gets eliminated and pretends like nothing ever happened ala Lawler in 97… which Lawler even brings up . I don’t like them wasting entrances on commentators, especially considering a certain someone doesn’t even enter… but I liked it here.  at the “you still got it” chants . Fans taking the piss, in what I would believe IS all in good fun . FUCK YES THE MIZ IS ELIMINATED . SHIELD AND WYATT STAREDOWN AND NOBODY GIVES A FUCK BECAUSE IT HAPPENS RIGHT AS SOMEONE ELSE IS ENTERING SO THAT WAS A FUCKING WASTE.  Ryback comes in and grabs Cesaro up to throw him into the corner… only to realise that all the corners are taken so he has to do his shoulder attack in the ropes . CESARO AND SHEAMUS. Ryback tries to get involved and Sheamus just punches him in the face and tells him to fuck off. “THAT WASN’T A MOVE. THAT WAS JUST “I’M GONNA THROW MY FIRST INTO YOUR FACE”. I do believe that’s known as a PUNCH Mr Jibble. #28 is none other than the Animal. Who looks fucking redicuous in his ring gear. Guy looks knackered running down to the ring… and he was only jogging .  Batista is absolutely FUCKED before #29 even comes out. Who happens to be BIG E who looks more oiled up than… I dunno… that Family Guy character. You know who I mean. Greased up deaf guy? Him. So watching this live, #30 was getting ready to come out. I couldn’t remember if anyone was left to come in that was announced. The fans were chanting YES beforehand. It GOTTA BE BRYAN, right? And then Rey comes out . And I remembered he was in it. Poor Rey gets absolutely BOOED OUT OF THE BUILDING because the fans were expecting Bryan. Gotta feel for poor Rey who was put in a lose lose situation. Didn’t matter who came out, the fact it wasn’t Bryan pissed off the fans to no end. And the fans just gave up on everything and everyone at this point. The WWE has once again IGNORED THEM and fucked them over. Could you imagine Austin not appearing in the 1998 RR match? Rock in 2000? How much fucking backlash would the company have gotten back then? So why on earth are they doing it to Bryan now? Guy is THE most over guy on the roster, and nobody even comes close, as popular as some guys are. Yet WWE are seemingly REFUSING TO PUSH HIM above the usual shit like Cena and Orton and HHH and Batista. Anyway, back to the match. Rey gets eliminated and the fans CHEER. Ambrose tries to sneak up behind REIGNS to eliminate him, but it doesn’t work, so Reigns eliminates Ambrose AND Rollins! And unfortunately that may spell the end of yet another team . Kane shows up again and eliminates Punk, then chokeslams him through a table, and the fans still don’t give a fuck because NO BRYAN. Didn’t help that Punk was a giant non factor throughout the match. He was barely doing ANYTHING. Final 3; Sheamus, Batista and ROMAN REIGNS. The fans are booing the SHIT out of this situation. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! chants like fucking crazy. Poor Sheamus. Returns, gets a huge pop, and then is put in a situation, like Rey, where he’s gonna get booed to hell. Batista is kinda the same but fucking deserves it. REIGNS ELIMINATES SHEAMUS and with that breaks Kane’s record with TWELVE eliminations in a single match. And the whole thing is just glossed over like it’s fucking nothing. Batista and Reigns left, and the fans know they aren’t getting Bryan, so they decide to fully support the awesomeness of REIGNS because in this situation who the fuck else can they cheer for? I said prior to the event that as much as I love Reigns and do believe he’s gonna be a HUGE star… he has no business winning the Rumble match this year. Then it came down to him and Batista and I was 100% behind the guy.  at the horrendous spear attempt from Batista. Reigns shows him how it’s fucking DONE, BITCH. Then Batista eliminates Reigns and I’m sad and the fans shit all over the match once again and rightfully so. Batista can’t even stand up. Bullshit. However, outside of the DUMBEST FUCKING DECISON the company has made in some time… I really enjoyed this match. Right up until the finish, anyway . Disappointed we didn’t get JAKE ROBERTS though. But Reigns looked awesome throughout, SHEAMUS came back, El Torito was fun, Cesaro had some cool moments, plus a few other things. So overall I do think it was a very good Rumble. I just can’t believe the booking for the match and the whole show. ***3/4.

WWF Rebellion 2001

Christian Vs Edge – WWF Intercontinental Championship Steel Cage Match

OLD SCHOOL CAGE . Because apparently it was easier to bring over to the UK than the normal one .

IC title is on the line, even though Christian already has the European title. Who does he think he is, HHH?

Who the fuck set up the cage? I swear it’s wonky.

One thing I do like about the old school cage is how it looks like it ACTUALLY HURTS when someone gets smashed into it. The newer mesh cages have too much give and doesn’t look painful at all. Here they are just smashing into METAL BARS.

The fuck? Edge just hit a Spear… that didn’t look shit? HOLY FUCK!

Standard stuff from these 2, which isn’t very good unfortunately. I liked the finish at least with Edge tying Christian’s feet together through the cage while he was close to winning. With Christian tied up, Edge was free to escape.

A disappointing showing from these 2 as usual. Maybe that ladder match will be good this time around. Probably not though.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Oh look, it’s Chavo Guerrero Jr. He’s so shitty he’s not even wrestling tonight. He’s interviewing divas. Hugh Morris claims he is interviewing divas. They agree to do it together. They walk into the divas locker room and walk in on Trish topless. Sadly she’s facing the other way then covers up. Well that was pointless. Just like Chavo Jr’s career!

Scotty 2 Hotty Vs The Hurricane

You know WWE take the WWF PPV’s seriously when we get a SCOTTY 2 HOTTY match!

Surprised they didn’t save this one for WM. Imagine this in front of 68,000 fans in the Toronto SkyDome! Hogan and Rock’s reaction would look like shit!

OMG DUDLEYS VS HARDYS VS APA for the tag titles later tonight . Oh yeah, these 2 are having a match. They do moves and stuff. Why is the WCW referee’s shirt grey? Weren’t they white before? Did he wash it with his black referee trousers and the colour came out or something?

“THE HURRICANE MOCKING SCOTTY’S WORM!!!”

Everything following the Hurricane’s attempt at a Worm is good. Unfortunately that’s the only part of the match I cared for. And it was the finish . Scotty wins with his Worm.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

Back with Trish (clothed now. BOOOOO) and the jobbers. She’s gonna get Lita for them for an interview. BRA AND PANTIES! BRA AND PANTIES! FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

DDP. His Positively Page gimmick was hilarious.

DDP Vs The Big Show

Heyman: “He helped me get over my sarcasm!”

JR: “It’s not working…”

Heyman: “IT’S NOT? I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!”

So this is fucking FUN as shit. Show uses his size and power to dominate DDP. DDP takes some crazy shots from Show. Tries to go after the leg of the giant, but fails because Show is just big and powerful. DIAMOND CUTTER~! CHOKESLAM~!

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Back to the jobber perves. They walk in on MIGHTY MOLLY. She screams because they caught her WITHOUT HER CAPE. Those monsters!

 at Angle. Even turning heel and joining the Alliance he’s still a total goofball.

The Dudley Boys Vs The Hardy Boys Vs The APA – WCW Tag Team Championship Elimination Match

I hope the Hardy Boys are eliminated first, but I know they won’t be .

APA rock the fucking world in this until they get eliminated . They don’t give a shit if it’s the Dudleys or the Hardys. SPINBUSTERS. CLOTHESLINE FROM HELLS. STIFF SHOTS. SUPER FALL AWAY SLAM.

And then Matt fucking Hardy pins Farooq . I WANT MORE APA!!

“D-VON JUST ATE HIM SOME WOOD”. What a puff .

Jeff takes a pretty good beating from the Dudleys. Mainly Bubba. How did I not see the greatness in Bubba all those years ago? I always thought he just got good in TNA when he reinvented himself as Bully Ray. Nope. Guy was always fucking great.

Hot tag comes and man oh man, things go from good to pretty freaking awesome. These guys know how to do a finishing stretch. 3-D! Dudleys retain the belts.

Man, how consistent were The Hardys, Dudleys, and even E&C (broken up at this point I know) in tag matches in 2000 and 2001? Very rare we got anything less than fun from them. This was good. APA ruled too. If only they lasted longer!

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Video package showing the implosion (continued) of Rock and Jericho. TEST PINNED THE ROCK AND WON THE TAG TEAM TITLES . And damn, how much of a CUNT is Rock in all this? Still never understood how he was ever a face lol. He’s such an unlikeable twat!

William Regal Vs Tajiri

Loved Regal’s theme music around this time. Sounds so classy yet EVIL at the same time.

 Regal Vs Tajiri. Oh man this should rock the fucking world.

I can fap to this.

My god THOSE KICKS. Everyone needs a little Tajiri in their lives. RIGHT NOW.

KNEE TREMBLER~!

MORE KICKS~!

REGAL STRETCH~!

This was fecking awesome. Can’t wait to watch their Survivor Series match again too .

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Chris Jericho Vs Kurt Angle – WCW Championship Match

Jericho is the WCW Champion. Somewhere in the world Eric Bischoff is crying .

Early stuff with Jericho in control is pretty damn good tbh. Then Angle hits an OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY and he gets in control, and does a good job too. SUPLEXES~!

Angle goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Jericho is able to counter before Angle can lock it in. One thing I’ve noticed a few times during my PPV ramblings is that Jericho does a great job of showing that the Walls is HIS hold and he knows exactly how to counter it so it can’t be used against him. More people need to protect their finishers like that tbh. Then it would be more meaningful when someone STEALS it.

Fun little finishing stretch, and the roll up out of an Angle Slam attempt was nice too. Better than just doing a basic sunset flip type roll up out of it.

Really good match. I enjoyed it a bunch. Their best match together probably.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Lita & Torrie Wilson Vs Stacy Keibler & Might Molly – Special Guest Referee Trish Stratus

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

LITA JUST CAME TO STACY~!

Damn, nice… REVERSAL by Molly to counter the Poetry in Motion attempt by Lita! Didn’t matter in the end though as a Twist of Fate put an end to Molly.

This was… fairly decent. And fap worthy.

Rating: *1/2
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Steve Austin Vs The Rock – WWF Championship Match

These 2 had an absolute classic at WM earlier in the year. This… well unless I think it’s good on this watch, is far, far away from being a classic. I remember this being utter trash.

Shitty brawling. [/review]

Seriously. That’s pretty much ALL this match is. Rock’s punches have never been what I would call great, but damn, he fucking SUCKS here with them. Austin doesn’t really seem on top of his game either. Did LOL at him jumping on the turnbuckle and flipping off the fans though .

 then Austin flips off Henber and he flips him off right back. Then Austin flips off all the fans again . Yep, so far Austin flipping fans off has been the best parts of this match.

Fuck me, this is DULL. Shitty brawling followed by REST HOLDS. Wake me up when this one is over, please. Or just let me sleep for a while. Then I can wake up all refreshed and watch something GOOD instead.

Urgh, that ref bump is HORRIBLE. Rock goes to clothesline Austin. Austin ducks. Rock puts his arm down… then PUTS HIS ARM BACK UP AND CLOTHESLINES THE REFEREE. The fuck was that shit?

 at Hebner selling it though. He’s out cold half way out of the ring.

Fuck me, that Sharpshooter from AUSTIN. Makes Rock’s version look good. THINK ABOUT IT. That’s just how bad Austin’s is here.

 then Rock reverses it into his own Sharpshooter than makes the one Austin just applied look like Bret Hart’s .

Angle shows up. Chair to The Rock from behind. Jericho shows up, grabs the chair and takes out Angle. Rock gets up and thinks JERICHO did it and attacks him. ROCK BOTTOM TO AUSTIN. No referee still. LOL. Suck it, Rock.

Angle is back in. And then out again.

People’s Elbow is stopped by Angle. Title shot to the head. Stunner. Austin retains. Yey!

Wow. This is worse than I remember. Last 2 minutes or so are pretty good as far as interferences go for a finish. Everything else was bad or dull or both.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

Overall CAL SCALE – 9

WWF Unforgiven 2001

I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!!!

The Hardy Boys Vs The Hurricane & Lance Storm Vs Spike Dudley & The Big Show Vs The Dudley Boys – WWF Tag Team Championship Elimination Match

 how fucking RANDOM is the team of Hurricane and Storm… WAIT I JUST GOT IT!!!  (totally serious btw, I only JUST got it when I typed that out  ).

Big Show and Jeff Hardy knock the Dudleys off the apron before they can make it into the ring. Show goes out after them while Jeff looks like he’s gonna follow… then doesn’t. Then the other babyfaces just kinda stand and watch Big Show attack both Dudley Boys on his own .

 Bubba gets in with Spike, and starts to line himself up for a big elbow drop… then just stops, walks over to Spike and STANDS ON HIS HEAD. What a PRICK .

HURRICANE WITH THE HURRICAPE! OMG HE JUST FLEW!

Spike dives off of Show’s shoulders to the outside. Looks impressive. Then BIG SHOW points at the corner and starts to climb!!! Then Bubba cuts him off .

HURRICANE GONNA CHOKESLAM THE BIG SHOW!!! Or not. Storm gets a chokeslam though, and there go the New Natural Disasters.

Wanna play a game? It’s called “guess who the referee is for this FOUR TEAM ELIMINATION TAG MATCH”. Answers can be sent on the back of a postcard to

PO BOX Obvious
Wrestling Answer
Duhville
Who Else But Teddy Long
WWE 123

Spike just got pinned while I wrote that. Nobody cares.

Just found the gif for this ramble:

 at Teddy Long taking a stupid amount of time to go for a cover before he was waiting for Jeff to climb the ropes. Then Jeff breaks up the count with a Swanton to D-Von’s LEGS.

Those DAMN DUDLEYS get the win with a BUBBA BOMB.

Match is alright. Nothing special, nothing bad.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

STEPHANIE (fap fap) is OFFERING HER SERVICES to RVD tonight. She wants to know if she can help in ANY way. He turns her down. The fuck is up with him? He high or something? Actually he probably is…

KURT ANGLE’S MUM. ERIC ANGLE. ANGLE’S FAMILY. LOOK AT HOW MUCH IT LOOKS LIKE I CARE BECAUSE I’M WRITING IN CAPS. WAIT NOT ERIC ANGLE, THIS IS DAVE. DAVE ANGLE.

Perrty Saturn Vs Raven

This match has come about because Raven and Terri killed Moppy. THEY KILLED MOPPY! THOSE BASTARDS!!!

“THE MAN IS FIGHTING OVER THE MEMORY OF A MOP!”

Somewhat decent brawl match thingy. Saturn wins. Moppy is still dead. Who cares?

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

Edge Vs Christian – WWF Intercontinental Championship Match

CHRISTIAN! CHRISTIAN! AT LAST! YOU’RE ON! YOU’RE OWN!!!

Edge is angry. Lots of HATE~! and then Christian makes him look retarded by getting him to charge full steam ahead at him in the corner, only for Christian to move and Edge to smash into the ring post. LOL.

Edge is bleeding and I don’t know why. Nothing has happened to warrant blood, so must have happened the hard way by accident. But fuck knows when lol.

Match seems far too back and forth-y to me, but not in a “they are brothers and know each other so well” way. Just a “oh look Edge is in control. And now Christian is in control. Back to Edge” kinda way.

Christian goes for a Conchairto. Edge sweeps out his legs, then goes got it himself, only for the referee to take the chair away. Christian low blows Edge with the other chair, and WINS THE IC CHAMPIONSHIP!

Well this kinda sucked. Can’t say I ever thought they had much chemistry as opponents tbh. Never liked this match much, don’t think anything to their ladder match (I’ll get to that soon), and didn’t even think their Raw… 2010(?) match was anything special either.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

The Undertaker & Kane Vs Kronik – WCW Tag Team Championship Match

Fuck, thought this match happened at No Mercy. Thought I was gonna be able to avoid it for a little while still .

CRUSH & ADAM BOMB VS UNIBOMB & MEAN MARK CALLOUS.

Weird seeing Undertaker holding the WCW tag belts.

 with the exception of a few punches and kicks (but certainly not all of them…), Kronik seem to fuck up EVERYTHING they do. It all looks terrible. Either fake as shit or botched to hell or both.

This isn’t TERRIBLE or “worst match ever” kind of bad, just dull when Kronik are in control, and filled with hilarious botches thanks to Kronik . Undertaker getting legitimately fucked off towards the end is awesome.

Steven Richards stuff after the match is awesome at least.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

STEPHANIE (fap fap fap fap fap) backstage looking for RVD to once again tell him that his experience in the Alliance with be a pleasurable one if he beats Jericho tonight. I like how STEPHANIE asks COACH, a WWF guy, where RVD’s locker room is and they both act like the very best of friends .

RVD Vs Chris Jericho – WWF Hardcore Championship Match

Hardcore title match .

They do a bunch of mat work early on, all basic stuff but looks good I guess. Doesn’t really do anything or mean anything though. I did have to laugh at Jericho having to tell the referee to COUNT at one point. Another reason Jericho hates Tim White…

Jericho smashes RVD’s arm into the ring post 3 times in a row, then suplexes him ON A LADDER. 10 seconds later RVD has enough strength in his arm and shit to counter another suplex on the ladder into his own. Good old RVD…

 at Tim White running over when Jericho looks to try for the Walls, just because at the same time RVD’s shoulders are down and he doesn’t want Jericho to scream at him again .

KICK TO THE FACE. Jericho is busted open. I swear he’s the third person so far on this show to bleed around the eye somewhere lol.

 at RVD purposely bending over on top of the ladder so Jericho can throw the chair into his face. WALLS OF JERICHO ON THE LADDER~! The bump RVD takes off the ladder to the outside afterwards looks more impressive tbh. As does Jericho’s bump off the ladder into the barricade when RVD moves!

Pfft, RVD, what a pussy. Gets his hands up on a suicide dive when Jericho holds up a chair. Benoit never got his hands up and look how he turned out!

ARMBAR~!

STEPAHNIE FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP. She comes down to help RVD, Jericho nearly decks her with a chair (what a CUNT btw), but she ducks and RVD kicks him in the face. 5 Star Frog Splash and STEPHANIE gets an early birthday present!

This is really good overall. Couple of dodgy bits here and there, but nothing to ruin the match. Glad this held up because I liked it a lot on my last watch.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

The Rock Vs Booker T & Shane McMahon – WCW Championship Match

Urgh. The Rock. Urgh. Booker T. Yey. Shane McMahon.

RIC FLAIR MENTION. All downhill from here .

Booker and Rock do stuff in the ring and it kinda sucks. Shane keeps attacking Rock on the outside and it kinda rocks. This should have been Shane Vs Rock. Would have been good probably.

 at Rock trying to take a snapmare.  at Booker T having some kind of a fit while setting up a knee drop. Christ these guys SUCK. And they ain’t doing nothing to change my opinion in this match lol.

Bah, they set up the Shane elbow off the ropes through a table spot but Rock fucks that up and we don’t see it. People’s Champion my arse. GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT WE WANT. WE WANT TO SEE YOU GO THROUGH A TABLE AND DIE.

Shane decks Booker with the WCW belt by mistake. Then hits Rock. Shane might make mistakes but he sure makes up for it! 

KIP UP BY SHANE~!

TEST~! He fucking decks Rock to break up a People’s Elbow attempt (woo) then levels him with a Big Boot. BRADSHAW~! He chases after Test. NICK PATRICK~! The referee actually drags Rock back in the ring . No bias in this match!

Mike Cheoda (fuck knows how you spell his name) drags Shane off The Rock during a cover! He’s a fair and impartial referee! Then he takes out Nick! Then Booker T takes him out! Rock Bottom. Down comes Earl Henber and he counts the 3.

Shane and the referee stuff were literally the best parts of this match. More Shane was needed to make this match good though. Booker stunk up the joint and Rock was his usual shitty self too. He and Booker did not mix well. Shane stops this being THAT bad though. Terrible for a major title match, but a decentish match overall I guess.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

STACY KEIBLER IN THE BATH FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

Rhyno Vs Tajiri – WCW United States Championship

 Totally didn’t remember this was on this show!!!

My god Tajiri’s kicks are epic.

My god Rhyno’s spinebuster is epic.

 at Torrie (fap fap) trying to run in heels, pretty sure she actually hurts herself.

GORE TO TORRIE… STOPPED BY A KICK TO THE FUCKING FACE BY TAJIRI. Now THAT was EPIC.

GORE! GORE! GORE!

This one is over. Rhyno becomes the NEW United States Champion! Second best match of the night so far lol… with one more to go . Tons of fun and some ungodly kicks.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Steve Austin Vs Kurt Angle – WWF Championship Match

Awesome video package for this match. Build up was great. Though Angle needs to take better care of his Medals. He got them stolen TWICE in 2001.

Their SummerSlam match was epic (god I can’t wait to watch that again  ). This match is in Angle’s hometown. His family are in the front row. This isn’t too long after the September 11 attack. Angle is the AMERICAN HERO. I wonder who is gonna win…

SD just days before, Austin gave Angle a PILEDRIVER ON THE CONCRETE. Angle showed up at the end of the show to say he couldn’t be stopped. And he’s showing zero effects so far in this match. And you know what? I DON’T GIVE A FUCK. Because the whole angle was just done fantastically and didn’t come across as the big babyface no selling shit and being all superman. I know, crazy right? WWE CAN actually book babyfaces strong without them turning into some generic superman character!

Angle is on FIRE early on, just destroying Austin. Then after a superplex we see Angle hold his neck, showing signs that he might not be 100%. And I like that he started showing pain in the neck there because it was the first move that would actually do damage to it.

Man, Angle is ALL OVER Austin for a large portion of the first half of this one. Beating the shit out of Austin. Throwing Austin off the stage, and then a great callback to SS by smashing Austin face first into the ring post a few times. And then he rips up the mat to expose the concrete floor, but Austin knows exactly what’s about to happen so he charges at Angle and takes him out. He don’t want no Piledriver on the floor! He does however take a back body drop on the floor, then Angle follows up with HEATBUTTS~! Pretty sure Angle busted Austin open the HARD WAY with those.

Angle ends up taking a back body drop on the concrete too and he takes it like a MAN… which makes one SICK fucking sound as his spine cracks on the floor. Now THAT is one hell of a way to transition into Austin’s control segment.

Is this NO DQ? No Countout? Because they’ve been battling outside of the ring for like, 10 minutes now .

Damn. DDT by Angle and Austin rolls out to the floor… and lands HARD on the concrete. Methinks he might have forgotten about the exposed concrete down there .

STUNNER TO AUSTIN!

PILEDRIVER TO ANGLE! Best Piledriver near fall of the decade… until that ROH (I think) match between… 2 guys I can’t remember. SHUT UP IT DOES EXIST. Someone will remind me.

Angle just won’t give up though, and after surviving the Piledriver, he counters a Stunner into the Ankle Lock and AUSTIN TAPS OUT! NEW WWF CHAMPION!!!

Great match, yet still doesn’t hold a candle to their SS encounter. 

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

Overall CAL SCALE – 12

King of the Ring 2001

‘TAKER, I’M BEGGING YA… MAKE ME FAMOUS!!!

I don’t think I’ve ever been happier knowing that the main event here is an uneventful triple threat (based on last viewing of course). Why? Because for some reason I had it in my head that this was the KOTR with Undertaker Vs HHH .

PPV kicks off with DDP’s music playing (how the fuck did he get someone to do that btw lol?) and him running through the crowd into the ring. He wants to let Undertaker know that he has arrived. New drinking game: take a shot every time DDP says “I mean” during this promo.

Kurt Angle Vs Christian – King of the Ring Semi Final Match

Holy mother of jebus. THAT THROW by Angle. Gonna gif that bad boy:

Some pretty loud “Let’s go Angle” chants. Cheering Angle over Christian? MONSTERS!!!

Well I can’t blame em. I was high on Kurt during this time. I still like a bulk of his 2001 work too. Just the Benoit stuff that is EXTREMELY hit and miss lol.

Match is… solid. Nothing more really until the finishing stretch. Angle gets the Ankle Lock on Christian, so Christian literally CRAWLS OVER THE REFEREE to reach the ropes . Sweet Angle Slam counter into the UNPRETTIER, then SHANE MCMAHON pulls Christian out and allows Angle to win this match and advance to the KOTR Finals! Why? To make sure Angle will have already wrestled 2 matches before their street fight later tonight.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

KURT ANGLE HAS BUTT IMPLANTS. Non PG signs = .

Edge Vs Rhyno – King of the Ring Semi Final Match

I miss Rhyno. I miss Rhyno as hardcore champion. I miss the hardcore title. I miss hardcore matches. This should have been a hardcore title match. Who is the hardcore champion at this time?

Rhyno should have won KOTR. I mean, did it REALLY do anything for Edge? The Invasion Angle pretty much began at this show with Booker T showing up in the main event, so everything was focused there. Then E&C broke up so Edge feuded with Christian. Then he won the IC title and feuded with Regal. All these things could have and probably would have been done regardless of the KOTR victory. Rhyno winning KOTR could have kept him around in a more active role. Plus, the WWF KOTR winner in the Alliance? Could have been something to work off too.

These two go back to when they were first getting into the business and know each other really well, and work really well together too. Some really good stuff from the two. Edge busts out some shit he doesn’t usually do and Rhyno looks like a threat to win the KOTR.

SPEAR! GORE! AT THE SAME TIME! HEADBUTT EACH OTHER! Man, we need duelling Spear spots more often. Big Show uses a sort of spear, and Reigns uses a spear. Imagine those two crashing into each other? 

An exposed turnbuckle that Rhyno tried to use ends up being his downfall, and one DDT later sees Edge as the winner. Good stuff.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

The Dudley Boys Vs Spike & Kane – WWF Tag Team Championship Match

Urgh, Dudleys Vs Spike feud. God, Spike sucked so bad. Was he ever good? And yey, Kane is in this match. Which means no IC title match on the card. WHAT A GREAT USE OF KANE.

 at Bubba launching Spike into Kane… only for Kane to catch him and lob him back, where poor Bubba isn’t strong enough to stay on his feet.

Spike is at least amusing to see get killed. Bubba powers him around like a little bitch. D-Von… well he does stuff too I’m sure. Tag to Kane. He kills D-Von with a punch. A nasty looking punch though. Really nasty. So nasty it looks like D-Von is out of it lol.

Oh hey, just noticed Teddy is the ref. CLOUD NINE FOR TEDDY LONG.

I swear the ONLY things Spike adds to this match is being lobbed around like a loser. I mean that in a good way, though.

3-D and Spike loses. Table comes out and Kane puts Bubba through it.

Entertaining enough.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Kurt Angle Vs Edge – King of the Ring Finals Match

Angle tries to convince Edge to lay down for him so Edge doesn’t have to get his BUTT KICKED by Angle, and Angle can rest up for his street fight later. For some reason Edge doesn’t go along with it.

OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY OVER THE ROPES!

Edge’s ribs or something near there be injured going into this match after Rhyno gave him a good going over in their previous match. So Angle’s crazy suplex offence kinda works here and… oh wait, sleeper. GOTTA GET THAT SLEEPER HOLD IN. Ok, that works too given Edge’s “injury” but still. YAWNATHON.

Pretty awesome sequence going from an Angle Slam attempt into a DDT attempt into an Ankle Lock attempt into a pin.

CHRISTIAN! He’s here to help Edge, but it doesn’t work so he just goes back up the ramp lol.

REF BUMP~! ANKLE LOCK~! TAP OUT~! Angle is technically a two time KOTR winner. But of course the ref never saw it. SHANE~! SPEAR~! DDT~! EDGE IS THE KING OF THE RING.

This was decent. Just found myself with bugger all to write about lol. Was standard stuff for the most part, but easy to sit through.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

Jeff Hardy Vs X-Pac – WWF Light Heavyweight Championship Match

Remember when Jeff was the LH champ? Me either.

FULLY LOADED advertised as the next PPV. LIES!

FLIPS! SPINS! JUMPS!

You know that spot where Jeff runs on the barricade and dives onto his opponent? Kinda seems pointless if he has to stop for balance before he jumps .

 X-Pac grabbing the ropes during an abdominal stretch. He starts bumping and grinding for added leverage and Jeff is screaming like a bitch and it just looks like RAPE to me.

Jeff gets his own back for the RAPE by straddling the corner with his nuts in X-Pac’s face, then takes off his shirt. So X-Pac hits the X-Factor and gets the win! Bah, Jeff’s foot was on the ropes. Match continues.

Sweeeeet counter to avoid the X-Factor a second time.

Swanton, and Jeff wins. Which actually surprised me because I thought X-Pac was winning lol. This was… fun. That is all.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

The Undertaker Vs DDP

Don’t care if this is technically a match or not. It was a heavily built FIGHT for the PPV so I’m treating it as such.

Undertaker has been playing mind games with Page all night, showing footage of DDP in the same way DDP was showing footage of Sara. Eventually when Page snaps Undertaker decides to come out and give him the beating he deserves. Undertaker takes his time coming down to the ring, even stopping to put on his VINTAGE~! MMA style gloves. PAGE GONNA GET GOT!

Page gets his face caved in as you might expect. He gets a low blow in and a couple of punches, then Undertaker gets back in control. SARA shows up to film the whole thing on a handheld camera. She would later get sued by WWE for recording a PPV illegally .

 the time keeper dies.

STEEL CHAIR TO UNDERTAKER~!

SPEAR TO PAGE OVER THE ANNOUNCE TABLE~!

“THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO BE FAMOUS BITCH. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT”

Huge boot to the face and DDP fucks off. He don’t need this crap!

I like this. Undertaker destroys someone. What’s NOT to love?

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Kurt Angle Vs Shane McMahon – Street Fight

SPEAR! What a way to start this match, especially after all the SPEARS we’ve seen already tonight and the fact I watched about 15 minutes of SPEAR compilation videos earlier .

Oh man, Angle just thows Shane around for the first minute. Oh man, then Shane’s little comeback is SPECTACULAR. Busts angle open above the eye and in the mouth. Awesome.

Love how Angle uses his overhead belly to belly suplex as a “revenge” move almost here. He hates Shane and wants to fuck him up. SUPLEX~! And it actually works because Angle delivers it wonderfully and Shane really goes the extra mile himself taking it.

SHANE IS BLEEDING TOO.

The amateur wrestling spots are great too. Angle dares Shane to try him, Shane goes for it and gets mauled. Angle lets him try again, so Shane kicks the fuck out of him because he’s not THAT stupid.

“Shane leaping right over is, RIGHT INTO KURT ANGLE’S FACE!”

 I think Shane just SPEARED Angle’s leg.

 Shane falls over trying to lock in a Sharpshooter. Still looks better than Rocks .

SHOOTING STAR PRESS ONTO A TRASH CAN. HOLY SHIT. Shane didn’t even land on his head. Shane > Lesnar.

Speaking of Shane landing on his head… holy FUCK how did Angle not legit KILL Shane with those suplex attempts? Apparently (according to Angle, so fuck knows if it’s true) they put the wrong glass in, so instead of the “easy to break” stuff… it was just actual glass. And much harder to break. So Angle just had to keep throwing Shane anyway .

But yeah, this whole thing looks spectacular. The first suplex through the glass is amazing, then Angle has to resort to just throwing Shane through the second bit, which cuts both of them to fucking SHREDS. Mega probs to Shane for taking all this shit. And even Angle too because his back and arm are FUCKED UP.

SUPER ANGLE SLAM USING A WOODEN BOARD TO HELP~!

Great finish. Great match. So brutal. Love it. Shane’s best match, one of Kurt’s best matches. Fuck those cunts who hate this (Yes, you. I remember that you shit on this match you whore!).

Rating: ****1/2
CAL SCALE – 7

Steve Austin Vs Chris Jericho Vs Chris Benoit – WWF Championship Match

So, if HHH didn’t get injured… would this have been a 4 way? A tag with everything on the line like Backlash? Or would just one of them (Benoit hopefully) have gotten a title match with the other (Jericho, duh) going up against HHH?

“Rumours” all night going around that if Benoit or Jericho win the title tonight they are defecting to WCW. You know, WCW. That company that is literally just a logo and a few guys on contracts. No shows or anything. BUT THEY NEED A CHAMPION. LOL.

AUSTIN GETTING KNIFE EDGED TO DEATH~!

Urgh. This is dull. Just a lot of stomping in the corner. Then Jericho gets suplexed out of the ring and disappears for about 10 minutes while Benoit and Austin do… absolutely nothing noteworthy beyond Benoit hitting Austin with a Stunner, and the revelation that Austin can’t take his own finisher properly .

Austin tries for a Walls of Jericho on Jericho but Jericho knows how to block it, and fuck, Austin ends up going head first into the mat and you can see he’s pissed as he smashes his fist onto the mat. STUPID, STUPID! 

And we’re back to dull again.

Benoit brings in a chair. “THIS IS NOT A NO DQ MATCH!”. He decks Jericho by accident. Ref doesn’t give a shit. LOL.

Austin starts superplexing Jericho from all the corners, but gets stopped by Benoit on the third. Always liked that little spot in Jericho and Austin’s singles match at NWO 02.

Austin taps out! To BOTH Benoit and Jericho at the same time. So uhh… both are champions? They did it with the IC title in 2000. Why not the WWF Title in 2001? 

BOOKER T! He attacks Austin and puts him through a table, and injures Austin, something I didn’t know about until the Austin doc last year (or the year before? I dunno)! Way to go Booker, not only do you suck but you just injured the top guy in WWF.

Worst. Lionsault. Ever.

MOONSAULT by Jericho. Not often we see that. You know, Lionsault aside which is essentially a moonsault.

BACK SUPERPLEX. BYE BYE BENOIT’S NECK.

Never realised that the suplex that takes Benoit’s neck out happens right at the very end of the match. He hits the move, he doesn’t move, Austin covers him and that’s that.

Bulk of this match is soooo fucking dull. Had its moments no doubt but overall kinda blows. Hard.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Overall CAL SCALE – 11