Month: September 2014

Backlash 2004

 

WM main event rematch! Hardcore match! And… nothing else I remember!

 

Shelton Benjamin Vs Ric Flair

This is during Benjamin’s first big singles push where he beat TRIPLE H TWO WEEKS IN A ROW.

FLAIR WAS WINNING TITLES THE SAME YEAR BENJAMIN WAS BORN. Dayum lol. Flair is OLD. And still more awesome than 90% of the wrestling world.

So the early going of this is Flair trying to show Shelton up because he’s a newb and Flair is GOD, but Shelton has the amateur wrestling ability, youth and athleticism on his side allowing him to constantly show up Flair.

If simply being a VETERAN isn’t enough to put Flair in control… then maybe some DIRTY TACTICS will! THUMB TO THE EYE~! And the fans are eating it all up. MUCH LOVE FOR THE NATURE BOY IN CANADA!

Match structure definitely reminds me of an old school Flair main event match. He’s fighting from underneath as he lets his opponent show him up and out shine him early on, then one mistake later and Flair is working over the leg. This could have been a pretty sweet title match back in the day. Shelton in STING’S position? Yes please. Aaaaand now I want Shelton Vs Vader lol.

Fuck me, Lawler brought up that Flair was gonna take Shelton to school here tonight… and I’ll be damned if BOTH Lawler and JR don’t run that whole analogy into the fucking GROUND lol. Especially when Flair grabs a chair. Sweet jebus .

Ouch, Flair does his over the turnbuckle spot… then slips off the apron. Surprised he didn’t hurt his leg there.

BRASS KNUCKS~! But Shelton hits a Stinger Splash and knocks them off. Flying clothesline… and this is over with. Lol. Wait… Stinger Splash? SHELTON REALLY SHOULD HAVE TAKEN STING’S SPOT!!!

Match started off fun… then half way into it, it just fell apart and the finish ended up being really FLAT. Shame because this was looking to be good at one point.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Orton promo. Says he’s the longest reigning IC champ in SEVEN YEARS. Wait… hasn’t he only held the title for 5 months? DAMN lol. Good promo by Orton. I miss this Orton . COME BACK GOOD ORTON.

 

The Coach Vs Tajiri

ARM DRAG BY COACH~! KICK BY TAJIRI~!

Coach runs away after getting kicked a few times, then Tajiri misses a kick and ends up cracking his leg on the ring post! Love how Coach looked too confused to capitalise on it straight away, playing into the REAL fact that he’s not a wrestler. Or at least he wasn’t until tonight. SOMEONE GONE TRAINED THE COACH!

Tajiri kicking out of a leg submission on the mat .

Crowd are kinda stunned + bored + WTF for all of this .

Tajiri sells the leg well and KICKS~! awesome when he’s making his comeback. Coach does surprisingly well, and GETS THE WIN… after Garrison Cade decks Tajiri in the face.

This ain’t awful!

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Chris Jericho Vs Christian & Trish Stratus

So what did we learn from this feud? TRISH LIKES IT ROUGH.

Also, that there must have been a time where Vince didn’t HATE Christian. He beat JERICHO at WRESTLEMANIA XX. Pretty fecking huge tbh lol. And then a year and a half later, Christian leaves for TNA because WWE don’t seem to want him .

“HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT TRISH STRATUS AND NOT HAVE HARD FEELINGS?”

Oh man at the start of this . Jericho decks Christian, leaving Trish all alone, so he just SMILES at her and she runs like fuck to get away .

at Trish’s reaction when Jericho knocks her off the apron.

TRISH GETS TAGGED IN~! CHICK KICK TO JERICHO~!

ACCIDENTAL HEADBUTT TO CHRISTIAN’S BALLS~!

TRISH GETS SPANKED~!

FUCK ME at Christian’s bump from the bulldog!

Might I just say at this point, that this match has been rather dull and uneventful outside of the spots I’ve mentioned in CAPS. A massive step down from their incredible WM match.

Match ends… with an enzeguri.

BOOOORING and crappy. Shocked and disappointed.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Eugene backstage looking at a divas magazine, then walking into the divas locker room and seeing Gail Kim in her underwear. And Molly Holly without her wig. Regal is awesome though .

 

Victoria Vs Lita – WWE Women’s Championship Match

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP NO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Randy Orton Vs Mick Foley – WWE Intercontinental Championship No Holds Barred Match

Orton has considered this one of his best matches ever, and Foley to my knowledge still considers this his absolute best, beating out the Mind Games match with HBK. Never thought THAT highly of it myself, but it’s still been a match I thought was fucking great. As long as it holds up I’ll be happy happy happy.

Love the chaotic start to this one, with Foley going after Orton with BARBIE, and Orton avoiding it at all costs. We have a camera man getting dizzy trying to keep up which adds to the whole experience, then he even falls over which is awesome too lol.

TRASH CAN TO THE HEAD~! Foley’s brain cells are going… going… GONE!

Damn, Foley is IN SHAPE here! He looks better than he did for… well… his entire WWF/E career lol. I know that after his disappointment at WM, he really got into shape for this, but I forgot how THIN the guy looked lol.

BACK SUPLEX ON THE STEEL RAMPWAY. Foley’s head CRACKS. Ouch!

ANOTHER back bump on the rampway by Foley. It’s almost like he HATES his own brain cells lol!

MR SOCKO~! Hmmm… seems out of place in this kind of match though. What to do… what to do… GIVE MR SOCKO BARBIE~! RIGHT TO THE FACE OF RANDY ORTON~! RANDY ORTON IS BLEEDING!!!

Foley throwing punches to the open wound . Is it weird that I always for that kind of stuff?

Orton is bleeding and keeps getting his face torn apart by barbed wire. So Foley gives him a break… and legdrops Barbie into his testicles!

FIRE~! FOLEY HAS GASOLINE AND A LIGHTER~! HE’S GONNA SET BARBIE ON FIRE~!

Aaaaaand then Bischoff comes out and stops him, saying the PPV would get shut down if he does. So like, was the fire a planned spot but they later found out they couldn’t do it so they did that? Or did they just plan the “can’t do it” spot? Either way it seemed… pointless.

Well, if fire can’t be used, might as well up the usage of BARED WIRE, with a big wooden board COVERED in the stuff!!!

ORTON JUST THREW TESTICLE DUST IN FOLEY’S FACE~! Seriously… where the FUCK did that come from?

BODY SLAM ONTO THE BARBED WIRE BOARD~! Foley starting to get a taste of his own medicine. And it tastes metallic and possibly bloody.

Fuck me sideways they REALLY fucking teased Orton going into the barbed wire board lol. I mean, they did it before when Orton threw the TESTICLE DUST to escape, but those Irish Whip reversals were DAMN CLOSE lol. I’ve seen this fucking match before and I STILL thought he was going into it .

THUMBTACKS~! Orton signalling for an RKO… BUT FOLEY REVERSES~!

ORTON BACK FIRST INTO THE FUCKING THUMBTACKS~! Orton’s reaction is fucking HILARIOUSLY AWESOME .

Randy runs the FUCK AWAY because, who the hell wouldn’t? Up to the rampway and… ORTON GETS THROWN OFF THE RAMP THROUGH SOME WOODEN STAGE CONVENIENTLY SET UP THERE~!

Foley is jealous that Orton got to have so much fun, so he decides to ELBOW DROP off the stage . FUN~!

Fucking hell the camera angle for the elbow drop makes me CRINGE every time, because there is a bit of wood that’s now a VERY SHARP POINTY THING and Foley’s head comes dangerously fucking close lol.

ORTON STILL KICKS OUT~! Crazy to think that Foley MADE TWO MEMBERS OF EVOLUTION with crazy hardcore style matches. And he did it with HHH TWICE, once as a mid-carder when HHH was moving away from the rich snob gimmick and again as a full blown main eventer. FOLEY IS GOD.

Back in the ring and… MR SOCKO IS BACK~! MANDIBLE CLAW~!

EUROPEAN UPPERCUT TO ESCAPE~!

RIGHT BACK INTO A MANDIBLE CLAW~!

COUNTERED INTO AN RKO~!

poor ref did a 2 count in thumbtacks. Bet he’s glad the match didn’t end there.

RKO ON BARBIE~! ORTON WINS!!!

Match is still fucking great, but I still don’t think as highly of it as most people. Prefer the WM 22 match with Foley/Edge as far as post Foley retirement hardcore matches go. Still, this really helped MAKE Orton and showed that he was more than just a pretty boy 3rd generation wrestler.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

La Resistance Vs The Hurricane & Rosey

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha no.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Kane Vs Edge

Remember when Edge returned after being out for over a year… then broke his hand straight away .

Kane targets the broken hand . Kane punches the broken hand that’s still in a cast then sells his own hand .

Edge is back in Canada and the fans don’t give a SHIT. LOL. Edge does absolutely NOTHING for a good while though. Punches Kane a bunch of times at the start of the match because… I dunno, he’s returned as a brawler now? Either way he’s been a steaming pile of what I’ll produce a little later on in the toilet after eating a Sunday dinner .

at Lawler’s call for Edge’s “Edgecution” aka the lifting DDT he was using AS A FINISHER before he got injured “that’s something there…”.

Cast to Kane, followed by a Spear and this is over. Short and shit.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Chris Benoit Vs Triple H Vs Shawn Michaels – World Heavyweight Championship Match

WM rematch! I’ve never been able to sit through this in full in YEARS. It’s kinda like Rock/Jericho from the 02 RR… regardless of how good it is (or could be, fuck knows what I think to it these days lol), it just PUTS ME TO SLEEP. I managed to overcome my sleep issues with Rock/Jericho and enjoyed that match. Is today the day I finally watch this in full? I hope so, wanna get this out of the way lol.

Match starts off fun and full of energy. Crowd finally give a shit about something (Benoit) which helps too. Everyone is beating the shit out of each other with punches and CHOPS, and man oh man Benoit’s chops are LETHAL.

Is Benoit the best “fall out of sight from a bump” guy? I remember the one from Rebellion 2000 (check my ramble for it gif of it)… and now this:

I *think* the fans keep chanting “you screwed Bret” at HBK… but it sounds more like “you sold out” . Damn Canadians and their crazy accent. What’s that all aboot?

HBK spazzes out after a diving headbutt. Flops around like a fish out of water. There’s selling a move and then there’s HBK flopping a move .

HUGE POP FOR THE SHARPSHOOTER!

CROSSFACE TO HBK! BUT NO REFEREE, SO BENOIT GIVES UP~!

SHARPSHOOTER BY HBK~! IN CANADA~! TO A CANADIAN~! IN A TITLE MATCH~! AND EARL HEBNER SHOWS UP~! Gotta <3 WWE sometimes lol.

Big “let’s go Benoit” chant from the crowd… until HHH drops him on his head with a DDT and everyone shuts up .

“THEY’VE SEEN BENOIT CHOKE BEFORE MANY TIMES”

Oh god then IMMEDIATELY after that Lawler mentions his wife at ringside has seen him choke many times too . Akwaaaard…

TABLE SPOT~! that was the fucking dumbest shit I’ve seen HBK do in a LONG TIME . He basically does a DIVING ELBOW DROP through the table… but HHH and Benoit ARE STOOD UP AND FIGHTING IN FRONT OF THE TABLE. What the FUCK was he attempting to achieve? JR claims he was going for a cross body. Yeah ok. LOL.

At least in this match though someone other than Benoit gets taken out for a bit. I don’t think I could manage with another HBK Vs HHH segment. I still have Bad Blood HIAC to get through. That’s gonna take everything I’ve got to not shoot myself half way through. Would have preferred HHH took himself out so we got HBK Vs Benoit…

“ASSHOOOOOLE” Canadians are funneh .

Jebus, Lawler CONTINUES TO CALL BENOIT A CHOKER throughout this match.

Match gets boring around this time tbh. HHH is super slow and methodical but not doing anything particularly good or interesting so it just because SLOW AND DULL. Oh great, HBK comes back and Benoit ends up on the outside and we are “treated” to HBK Vs HHH for a little while…

No wonder I’ve always given up on this match lol . HHH control segment followed up with HHH Vs HBK? Urgh .

SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO BENOIT~!

LOW BLOW TO HBK~!

MR SLEDGEHAMMER~!

Poor HBK gets a shot to the back.

HHH goes head first into the ring post and… lands in the crowd .

SWEET CHIN MUSIC~! COUNTERED INTO A SHARPSHOOTER~!

HBK taps. BENOIT WINS.

Eh. Huge step down from their WM match, which I don’t think is exactly the GOAT WM match or anything either lol. First half is mostly good, but the second half gets dull as shit.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 7

Judgment Day 2004

 

I cannot wait to get to the main event. EDDIE VS JBL . Just hope the rest of the card isn’t too awful lol.

 

Rey Mysterio & RVD Vs The Dudley Boys

Awesome start to this match; Bubba screams at the ref because Rey isn’t holding onto the tag rope, so while the ref is dealing with Rey… Devon shows up and nails RVD from behind while Bubba gets out of the ring and stands on the apron .

RVD does a pretty sweeeeeeet kick to Devon’s head… but at the same time it was hilarious because it looked like RVD just fell to the floor and then his leg bounced off the mat .

More great heel tag work from those DAMN DUDLEYS as Bubba keeps attacking RVD while on the apron, and pulling the ropes down in order to gain an unfair advantage.

I swear RVD doesn’t do ANYTHING except kick for the entire time he’s in the match before Rey gets a hot tag, aside from a dive over the ropes about 2 minutes into the match .

Rey’s turn to be FIP. He tries for the West Coast Pop but Bubba catches him in a powerbomb position, then throws him up and back so he lands throat first on the ropes .

Dudley’s are totally ruling in this. They just BEAT DOWN whoever happens to be in the ring with them. Nothing fancy, just big clubbing blows. Bubba lands one hell of a fucking shot to Rey’s ribs while setting him up for a suplex. He just winds back and decks Rey in the ribs with a right hand. Just for the fucking hell of it.

Can’t believe I wasn’t looking forward to this. I like Rey and I like the Dudley Boys, and at times RVD can be good too. I guess the whole “2004” Dudley Boys put me off a bit because when I was watching all this stuff at the time, the Dudleys were stale as FUCK to me. But this is an awesome tag match. Perfect example of how a tag match should be done.

RVD hot tag and… holy shit he does a clothesline!!! Followed by some kicks .

Lol, you KNOW the Wassup headbutt isn’t going to happen when the referee doesn’t even attempt to pretend there is something to distract him .

Shades of READY TO RUMBLE with RVD launching Rey up into Devon who is sat on the turnuckle ready for a hurricanrana. I love that move lol. And I love that movie!

619~! FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH~! RVD AND MYSTERIO WIN~!

Yeah this is kinda awesomes.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Booker T gets interviewed and half of his promo is him turning AWAY FROM THE MICROPHONE so we can barely hear his shit .

 

at Angle having his own PORTABLE RAISING STAND . GM wheelchair Kurt was awesome. Angle says he hopes LA gets the biggest earthquake in history once he leaves. HE WANTS TO KILL THEM ALL . Now he wants to end Torrie Wilson’s career.

 

Torrie Wilson Vs Dawn Marie – If Torrie Loses She’s Fired

Hmmm… a career IS on the line in this match… and yet I’m still not watching .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

JBL backstage promo .

 

Scotty 2 Holly Vs Mordecai

Mordecai . He was originally set to be a big opponent for Undertaker .

.

.

This is a decent enough squash. at Scotty hitting a superkick and nearly doing the worm. I’d have given this ***** is Scotty actually landed it .

RAZOR’S EDGE~!

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Chavo Classic with his pants down . Jacqueline shows up and brings Chavo Jr a gift… bra and panties! at Chavo Classic in the background playing around with them .

 

Rico & Charlie Hass Vs Hardcore Holly & Billy Gunn – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Rico & Charlie Hass were tag champs?

Harcore Holly & Billy Gunn are teaming here? Did they run out of actual tag teams?

at Billy and Bob (ha, Harcore has teamed with both GUNNS) arguing over who starts the match against Rico.

Did they ever do a Rico and Goldust tag or match?

Hass frustrates Holly by taking the match to the mat and owning him. at Rico slapping Hass’ tits to tag in. Then he bums Holly who runs away and tags out.

Rico is hilarious. Slapping people on the arse, grabbing arses, slapping tities and tweaking nipples . Gunn tries to run and tag out but Holly dives off the apron to avoid it .

Seems that Billy Gunn isn’t the ASS MAN that Rico was hoping .

Hass gets back in and now Holly and Gunn can mount some offence as they feel more comfortable dominating a guy wearing nothing but boots and super short shorts… while Rico is fully dressed .

Miss Jackie is great on the outside just bouncing around. Lucky Hass gets to hit that any time he wants. Unless she’s tired. or has a headache. Or doesn’t feel like it. Or is mad at him for something he should know about but doesn’t and she refuses to tell him what it is…

“DON’T YOU HURT MY CHARLIE” that was from RICO and not Jackie .

“HERE COMES RICO EXPLODING ON BILLY GUNN” .

FAMEASSER TO RICO~!

GERMAN TO GUNN~!

ALABAMA SLAM COUNTERED BY A SUPERKICK TO THE FACE WHICH TURNS INTO A SUNSET FLIP FOR THE 3 COUNT~!

Cool finish. Fun match. Rico stuff was awesome . This show is turning out to not be quite as awful as I was expecting. So far…

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

THE UNDERTAKER~! AND PAUL BEARER~! JUST RANDOMLY STANDING BACKSTAGE WITH PURPLE LIGHTING AND SMOKE~!

 

Jacqueline Vs Chavo Guerrero – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match, Chavo’s arm is tied behind his back

like I’m even gonna attempt this.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

John Cena Vs Rene Dupree – WWE United States Championship Match

fuck this shit.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

The Undertaker Vs Booker T

Man I still remember the episode of SD when Undertaker first appears to confront Booker T. Fans went fucking APESHIT . In fact I think I have it on disc somewhere. Might pop it in later just to watch that segment lol.

Shame Undertaker was stuck with Booker T after returning as the Dead Man at WM. Booker T sucks. If only Lesnar had stayed . Lesnar? Undertaker? THE STREAK ISN’T BROKEN DAMMIT .

at Booker T with a bag of dirt. Apparently it’s to help him against The Undertaker. It’d be more useful for him to throw the dirt in Undertaker’s eyes…

“It’s often debated, of whether or not the Undertaker is dead or alive” are you fucking serious Cole? 6 months ago he was a fucking redneck biker. WE KNOW HE ISN’T REALLY DEAD .

Booker T shoves Undertaker… so Undertaker blasts him in the face with a right hand. Booker T no smart.

Undertaker dominates Booker early on, until Booker manages to smash Undertaker’s throat down onto the ropes and follow up with a missile dropkick. And his control segment lasts about a minute before Undertaker is back in charge . Can’t complain, I don’t really buy Booker being in control of DEAD MAN Undertaker for long. You know, because Booker T sucks.

LAST RIDE~! BOOKER T ESCAPES~! THROWS THE DIRT INTO UNDERTAKER’S EYE~! I swear I did NOT remember Booker T doing that. But I totally said he should have at the start!!!

it’s totally worthless though, Undertaker just gets PISSED.

KNEE FIRST INTO THE TURNBUCKLE~! Booker T can work the leg of Undertaker now, which might be more believable for him to control the match than punching Undertaker in the face like he tried earlier…

I know Paul Bearer wasn’t in the best of health around this time after his surgery, but fuck me, he does NOTHING on the outside. In fact I forgot he was there until he stood next to Undertaker while he was on the outside recovering from being sent knee first into the steel steps.

Fucks sake Booker. Undertaker’s KNEE is hurt… and you are locking in a FRONT FACE LOCK? Why are you so damn retarded?

AXE KICK~! Undertaker kicks out and sits up! Screw you and your shitty finisher!

CHOKESLAM~! Booker T jumps too high and nearly fucks up the move .

TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER~! This is over.

Match is ok. Nothing special, but certainly watchable, and being BIASED like I am for Undertaker matches, I enjoyed it more than most people probably will .

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs JBL – WWE Championship Match

THIS is the match I’ve been waiting for. What a fucking build up to this one too. JBL goes from a beer drinking tag wrestler to who he actually is in real life, a rich bastard . He wants to succeed in wrestling just as he has in the stock market. He gets a title shot, then proceeds to mess with Eddie, and even his family, causing his mother to have a heart attack! Eddie is fucking PISSED and goes nuts, killing everyone he sees with a steel chair, and taking JBL he’s going to kick the SHIT out of him. He said SHIT. He hit babyfaces, heels and referees with a chair. And we LOVED IT, because it’s exactly what we’d expect someone to do in this situation. None of this smiley smiley Cena crap.

JBL cuts a promo before the match and says he just fired his maid because she stole from him, but he’ll happily hire Eddie’s MUM. What a cunt!

EDDIE chants before he even comes out . Love this entrance btw. He plays to the crowd like always, because he loves his fans and knows they helped him get to where he is, but as he gets closer to the ring, he keeps glancing over at JBL and you see him stop smiling for a moments before going back to slapping hands of fans and whatnot. And then he gets to the ring and doesn’t take his eyes of JBL. He’s fucking pissed and JBL is going to PAY tonight .

Bell rings and Eddie charges at JBL and beats the FUCK out of him. Or SHIT, to be more precise! No locking up, no feeling each other out, just pure VIOLENCE .

JBL bumps like crazy for Eddie. Going down from just one punch, despite the size difference which would put people off going down from one shot. He damn near kills himself going head first into the ring post and then diving over the announce table (nearly taking out the Spanish announcers too lol). Always great when a heel will go out of their way to really put over the babyface no matter what.

Man, JBL gets NOTHING in for the first 3 or 4 minutes. Awesome.

An Irish Whip reversal gives JBL a chance to recover and finally go on the attack. He gives it all back to Eddie, punching him in the face and even sending him over the Spanish Announce table!

Like the use of a headlock by JBL here. He keeps blasting Eddie and knocking him down, but the champ keeps bouncing back up, refusing to stay down, so JBL just grabs him in a headlock and powers him down to the mat to KEEP him down.

CROSSBODY OVER THE ROPES~! JBL CATCHES HIM~! FALL AWAY SLAM ON THE FLOOR~!

BACK BODY DROP~! EDDIE LANDS ON THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE~! TABLE DOESN’T BREAK~! But Eddie is STILL getting back up and trying to fight!!! NOTHING will stop him from avenging his family!!!

JBL does a nice job just trying to beat down and wear down Eddie, but man oh man Eddie’s comebacks are a thing of beauty. MULTIPLE THUMBS TO THE EYE~!

THREE AMIGOS~! But JBL counters the third one.

Holy shit at that ref bump! That looked fucking AWESOME. Eddie fires up, does his VIVA LA RASA schtick, then turns and runs for the ropes and the moment he turns and starts moving he CRASHES into the referee and it looked like the most… organic ref bump EVER tbh.

And then it happens. THAT FUCKINGS CHAIR SHOT. Holy motherfucking SHIT. JBL hits Eddie full force, and Eddie is GUSHING BLOOD. FUCKING GUSHING BLOOD. Fucking SICK.

The blade job makes Vince McMahon look like the most cautious blader in the history of blading.

STEEL STEPS THE TO THE FACE~! JBL isn’t giving Eddie a chance in hell.

JBL PUNCHING the open wound makes me . Simple shit that makes a match more awesome.

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL~! The referee is still down though, meanwhile the fans are chanting for Eddie to get back into this thing. Another referee and…

EDDIE KICKED OUT!!!

Another Clothesline from Hell attempt is countered by a drop toe hold, and JBL takes out the second ref!

POWERBOMB~! The first ref is able to make a cover now, but EDDIE STILL KICKS OUT!!!

NOTHING is going to stop Eddie! He’s fighting for MORE than just the title!!!

Sleeper hold, and fuck me that’s a brilliant move. All that blood loss PLUS a sleeper? Eddie could be FINISHED.

Oh man oh man oh FUCKING MAN. Eddie firing up, COVERED IN BLOOD and after the beating he’s taken is fucking tremendous! that might be one of my favourite things ever in a match.

FALL AWAY SLAM COUNTERED INTO A DDT~!

FROG SPLASH~! But Eddie in the state he’s in took far too long, and JBL moved. Man, the ring is just stained with BLOOD. In-fucking-sane.

JBL tries to take a page out of Eddie’s book, bringing in a steel chair and the title belt. While the ref gets rid of the chair, he tries to use the title, but Eddie takes it from him! Then, in plain sight of the referee, Eddie DECKS JBL with the title, getting himself DQ’d. Then he mounts Bradshaw and unloads with rights and lefts until 3 referees drag him away! Eddie isn’t done with JBL! The match might be over, but Eddie’s revenge isn’t!!!

CHAIR TO THE FACE~! Sweet justice for earlier in the match. ANOTHER SHOT WITH THE CHAIR~! FROG SPLASH~! The referees drag JBL out of the ring to SAVE HIM FROM EDDIE.

This. Is. Incredible. It’s just wonderful in every way possible. The angle going into the match is great. Everything they do in the match is PERFECT for the feud. No fancy wrestling, just straight up FIGHTING, especially from Eddie. The blood adds more to this match than perhaps any other. Eddie fighting back from all the abuse and the sick blade job is amazing. One of the few matches to make great use of a DQ finish too. I don’t think anything from 2004 I still need to watch is going to top this!!!

Rating: ****3/4
CAL SCALE – 8

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 12

Unforgiven 2004

 

The beginning of Orton Vs HHH feud. That would last forever. And suck the entire time outside of two matches. Yey…

 

Ric Flair & Batista Vs Chris Benoit & William Regal

Well FUCK ME this sounds awesome on paper. I did see this not too long ago, because it sounded AWESOME ON PAPER. Unfortunately I don’t remember ANTYHING about it. Guess we’ll have to wait and see if that’s a good thing or not .

Batista comes out of the box throwing punches, so Benoit avoids them and counters into a Crossface attempt! LOL, fuck you Batista. Batista comes back trying to use his power, so Benoit counters into a dragon screw leg whip! Ha. TAG TO REGAL .

Regal being all BOSSY and throwing Batista around with a great suplex. Man oh man, add Finlay to this mix and you’d have the GOAT 3 man team. They would have been perfect to go up against EVOLUTION while HHH was busy with someone else over the title or something (though obviously that’s fucked at this point because Orton is the guy keeping HHH busy lol).

FLAIR AND BENOIT . CHOPS~!

Regal tagged in . ELBOING THE FUCK OUT OF FLAIR .

GOAT FLAIR SPOT EVER .

Flair tries to get back into things with a thumb to the eye and shots to the knee, but REGAL is too MANLY to drop to just that.

MOAR AWESOME FLAIR . Benoit chops him so hard he keeps trying to drop down forward, but Benoit holds him up and chops him some more .

ENZIGURI to Flair, and it sends him over to Batista for a tag, but he just stands there and does ANOTHER Flair Flop . This is already the greatest thing ever.

Regal and Benoit are OWNING this tag match so far. Tons of quick tags, great wrestling, and hard CHOPS.

Then the power of Batista comes into play finally for Evolution, and we get the awesome mix of power from Batista and wrestling/experience/CHEATING from the Nature Boy . And Regal is the FIP too . Benoit would probably be BETTER, but I’m all for Regal being in the match the longest haha. Plus, you know, Regal is still fucking AWESOME.

Screw what I just said, I’m not even sure Benoit would have been better, because Regal is killing it. He’s awesome at FACES, and I love how he screams in pain whenever Flair chop blocks his knee.

Poor Regal gets mauled, then a hot tag to Benoit and we get more Benoit Vs Flair . Insane seeing OLD MAN FLAIR taking MULTIPLE GERMAN SUPLEXES. I love crazy old man Flair. Better than 90’s Flair.

DIVING HEADBUTT~! SHARPSHOOTER ATTEMPT~! THUMB TO THE EYE~! CROSSFACE~!

Batista just picking Benoit up out of the Crossface while he’s got it locked in on Flair was awesome. Now THAT is how you break up a fucking submission!!!

Regal still being awesome on the outside, sending Batista into the ring post WHICH ONLY MAKES HIM MAD. Batista charges at Regal for a clotheslines, Regal ducks and Batista flies into the crowd .

CROSSFACE TO FLAIR~! TAP OUT~! REGAL AND FLAIR ARE OFFICIALLY THE GREATEST TAG TEAM EVER!!!

This was great. Truly. So much damn fun with some great quality to boot. Even Batista didn’t drag this down at any point. True, Flair worked most of the match, but yeah. All awesome.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Christian backstage with his lover. And Trish too. Ha. Get it? HE AND TYSON ARE GAY. Is what I was getting it. I’M FUNNY.

 

Victoria Vs Trish Stratus – WWE Women’s Championship

Ummm… no. They did some great stuff in 2002, but I don’t have much faith in them in 2004, especially with Trish as the heel and Victoria no longer being a crazy mental chick.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

So after the match, Tomko gets hold of Victoria, but some dude in drag shows up and stops him. Tomko decides to call him out. I genuinely don’t fucking remember ANY of this . I’m interested to see who it is . THEY MAKE IT A MATCH TOO. BEFORE WE FIND OUT WHO IT IS . It’s Steven Richards. LOL.

Tomko Vs Steven Richards

I am not watching this.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Chris Jericho Vs Christian – Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match

Don’t remember this match at all. I LOVE their WM match… but not sure if adding a ladder to the mix is gonna keep up the awesomeness.

this was made into a ladder match because Christian turned down a cage match as the last time he had a cage match with Jericho, he injured his back and was out for a few months. THAT WON’T HAPPEN IN A LADDER MATCH THOUGH!!!

We get a nice WRESTLING match early on between these two, making me remember why I adore their WM match so much, before a ladder comes into play.

COME ON, YOU ASS CLOWN~!

A ladder match… where they fight in the crowd! I can only assume Christian wants to take him out there so Jericho would have to both recover and THEN make his way back to the ring in order to prevent Christian from climbing a ladder and winning.

But nope, Christian actually brings Jericho back, then loses control . POINTLESS~!

sweeeet sequence on the outside ending in an UNPRETTIER ON THE FLOOR . Jericho is DEAD.

Christian realises this and goes for a ladder. COME ON CHRISTIAN!!!!

CHRISTIAN HAS THE BELT IN HIS HAND!!! Bah, Jericho is back up. Christian decides to punish him for being a cunt and getting up from his finisher on the floor. Which results in Christian going face first into a ladder. DAMMIT JERICHO.

Jericho goes face first into the ladder. LETS GO CHRISTIAN *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*.

Lol, almost ALL of the ladder spots in this match so far have just been people running into the ladder (in different ways) face first. And I LOVE IT. Makes a change from people having to rely on dumb spots off the top of a ladder or whatever. I bet they watched Hardy/RVD from SS 01 and based this match on what NOT to do in a ladder match. Because that one is the WORST ladder match ever. I mean so fucking bad you have to be brain dead to think it’s anything beyond the worst thing ever. And ugly too. Bet fans of that are UGLY. Probably an awful taste in music too.

Ooooo, Jericho takes on NASTY bump into a ladder in the corner and gets his leg all caught up and shit. He can barely even STAND UP, allowing Christian to climb the ladder… but just as he gets to the top, Jericho taunts him! Christian takes exception to that and comes back down to dish out some more punishment, but Jericho suckered him in!!! BULLDOG ONTO THE LADDER~!

LIONSAULT ON A LADDER~! CHRISTIAN MOVED~! HA~!

CHRISTIAN HAS THE BELT~! But Jericho takes the ladder out from under him, leaving Captain Charisma hanging!!! LADDER TO THE GUT~! CHRISTIAN CRASHES DOWN WITHOUT THE TITLE!

Walls of Jericho on the ladder, but it looks kinda sucky compared to the Benoit 01 match. Jericho lets go, reaches for the belt and Christian pulls the ladder out from under him this time and Jericho falls like a fucking rock and smashes his lower back on the side of the ladder. FUCKING OUCH.

First really MAJOR bump off the ladder comes with Jericho smashing Christian face first off the top of the ladder to the mat, and that allows Jericho to climb back up and win the match!

Overall I do like a LOT in this match… however at the same time is does feel like it drags (dead crowd didn’t help), and they just seem to stay in one gear. Similar I guess to the HHH/Benoit Iron Man earlier in the year. They do some good stuff but never go into that higher gear to make it more memorable or better.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

LITA COMING OUT OF KANE’S LOCKER ROOM. WHAT A SLUT. She’s rooting for Shawn in the match against her “husband” Kane lol.

 

Kane Vs Shawn Michaels – No DQ Match

Kane took out HBK my smashing his throat or something, so LITA (FAP? FAP!), as Kane’s unwilling wife, signed HBK’s name on an open contract to face Kane tonight hoping that HBK would send Kane TO HELL.

UPPERCUT TO THE THROAT . If Kane works over Shawn’s throat in this match I’ll be happy.

Shawn starts to brawl with Kane and… it’s not great . He does this thing where he hits Kane once, then just kinda moves around before hitting him again, all the while Kane just stands there waiting for the next shot.

KANE USES PREGNANT LITA AS A SHIELD~!

the evil announce table is at it again. Press slam to Shawn onto it and IT DOESN’T BREAK. So Kane suplexes him through it instead. I watch too much Botchamania because all I can picture now is the table lauging in some weird accent .

Bah, Kane is being dull as shit in control. At least CHOKE Shawn or something to target the throat. He’ll do something every now and then that goes after the throat, then he’ll go to something else like a fucking chin lock. And I mean a literally chin lock. He grabs HIS CHIN with one hand and the top of his head with the other. Looks terrible .

Shawn is bleeding. I have no idea how or when that even happened.

HBK comeback. Stuff. Wow this isn’t good at all. I’m BORED. Never a good sign lol.

Worst Sweet Chin Music ever, and I think the pun was botched too tbh.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

La Resistance Vs Tajiri & Rhyno – World Tag Team Championship Match

I think I was told to avoid all La Resistance matches from this year too. But this has TAJIRI in it. I AM CONFUSED.

Fuck it. NOOOOO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Randy Orton Vs Triple H – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Maybe this will end up like RR 05, and I’ll be super surprised by how awesome it actually is. That could totally happen, right? RIGHT?

Oh god 30 minutes left on the show. DON’T MAKE ME WATCH IT .

They lock up, the push each other, the slap each other. Couple of fucking bitches in this match apparently… .

Lawler goes on a tirade on how Orton is inexperienced and shit because he takes the match to the outside and risks getting counted out. WHICH WOULD MEAN HE RETAINS THE FUCKING TITLE. Something TRIPLE H would approve of .

Leg work. HHH does some leg work.

17 minutes left? Fuck.

Orton tries to make a comeback and… HHH is bleeding. The fuck? TWICE IN ONE SHOW and I don’t even notice how or when someone BLEEDS? LOL.

Oh look HHH trying to be Ric Flair.

Oh look, ref bump. Followed by Evolution interference. And a low blow.

THE COACH runs down and puts on a referee shirt. Makes a 2 count and gets knocked out . Best part of this match so far.

RKO TO THE COACH~!

Fuck me how long is this “Batista and Flair run into the ring and get knocked out the come back in again” gonna last?

CHAIR TO ORTON. PEDIGREE ON THE CHAIR. Thank fuck it’s over. HHH wins. Whatever.

God this is AWFUL. I mean AWFUL.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 3