Month: June 2015

New Years Revolution 2007

 

The event best known for HHH’s second quad tear! Yey!

 

Also, what is it with these 07 PPV’s not having proper intros? You know, so I can screen cap em and use them for the main image of the post? No Mercy didn’t even HAVE one, and here the screen disappears do damn quickly I couldn’t get a decent shot in 6 attempts so I gave up . Yeah I could still get one with some extra work, but it’s only a sodding picture .

 

Wait, what the feck? They did the little “Raw presents NYR” thingy with the logo flashing on and off the screen in seconds, then we get introduced to the show by JR, he tells us the IC title match is happening first and… video package for the PPV? WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

 

Johnny Nitro Vs Jeff Hardy – WWE Intercontinental Championship Steel Cage Match

MELINA .

When did Nitro change to Morrison?

Morrison. Morrisons. Was supposed to go to Morrisons today for some shopping. But my friend had to go into work and now he can’t take me cos he finishes after the shop shuts . Good job I went to Aldi this morning and got some food from there. Shall have to wait until like, Wednesday now for Morrisons. They got some stuff on offer I want. Shit, actually, that fucks up my plans for tea tonight. Got some chicken in Aldi and was getting a BBQ chicken cook in the bag mix from Morrisons to have tonight. Now I can’t have that. Bah. Guess I’ll just make a chili instead. Shit. Didn’t buy garlic bread for it. I guess I COULD walk over to Aldi again but… it’s cold outside . The fuck am I gonna have for tea tonight then?

Nitro and Hardy are having a match btw. Inside a cage. Nothing really noteworthy so far. Both man have dropkicked each other into the cage. That’s about it.

Back suplex off the top rope. Looked like they went out of their way to fall from as little height as possible despite being on the top rope lol. Suppose I shouldn’t blame them, I certainly wouldn’t want to fall that high. My back would snap faster than a Slim Jim.

And we have another cage spot. Followed by… another cage spot… and oh hey, look… another cage spot. With practically NOTHING in between them. I so LOVE that about wrestling .

Ooops, seems that I ended that cage spot sentence too early. ANOTHER FUCKING CAGE SPOT WITH NOTHING BETWEEN IT AND THE OTHERS.

Best part of the match just happened. Hardy tried to climb out and MELINA whipped the part of Hardy’s fingers that were coming through the cage with her metal studded belt . Kinda sad when that’s the best part of the match so far, but then again it’s still fecking awesome. Melina was a great manager.

Shit, what was that? Oh, another damn cage spot. They are literally just taking turns at it.

Melinda blocking the referee from opening the door .

Finish is similar to X-Pac/Jericho at… No Mercy(?) 2000. Jeff wins and retains his title.

Well, while I didn’t think this was good, it also was kinda harmless too. I’m not exactly screaming at my screen or anything, so that’s a positive. Right?

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Rated RKO interview. They are going to put a PAINFUL AND DEFINITIVE END to DX tonight. Ha, they kinda do .

 

The Highlanders Vs The World’s Greatest Tag Team Vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Super Crazy Vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch Vs Cryme Tyme – Tag Team Turmoil Match

A bonus match! Better be good. Starting with The Highlanders. Well, that didn’t last long.

WGTT do a wonderful job carrying the Highlanders here. Their offense looks great, good double teaming and all round good tag work. They dominate the match and eliminate the Highlanders.

Duggan and Super Crazy? Who the fuck put that team together?

Fuck me, Shelton nearly caves Duggan’s face in with a running knee. Damn.

Lawler proves that he isn’t even in Heenan’s league when it comes to being a colour commentator. JR mentioned that Duggan went to college and Lawler doesn’t laugh once, never mind for the rest of the match.

German suplex to Crazy and that’s that. Cade & Murdoch waste no time coming out and jumping the WGTT from behind while they are still down and hurting.

Murdoch boots Shelton in the face so fucking hard I forgot about that running knee to Duggan. Shelton is dead. Or he should be because that was brutal.

Hass comes in from the hot tag and looks damn impressive. He looked great when he returned in 06 from… whatever happened to him. Shame they did that bullshitty impressions gimmick with him. How many people have had that gimmick btw?

Cade and Murdoch get the win, and out come Cryme Tyme. Crazy to think that JTG is no longer with the WWE now .

In fact, is anyone still employed by the WWE from this match so far? Guessing just Duggan on a legends contract? And of course unfortunately Lance Cade passed away. In fact we can go even further and add the opening match to that too. Nitro, Hardy and Melina are all no longer employed by WWE now either. Looking at the rest of the card and hardly anyone is. And it’s not like this is a fucking early WM from the 80’s, this is from 2007. It’s 2015. Depending on who else is in this tag match, only TWO people on this card are still employed by WWE as active competitors. Cena and Orton. Crazy.

Ok, so Cryme Tyme are the last team, and they end up winning it all.

Enjoyed WGTT carrying The Highlanders, and then WGTT Vs Cade & Murdoch. Everything else was kinda blargh.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Oh god they set up the Rosie O’Donald Vs Donald Trump “match” in a backstage segment. Coach’s tongue smells like shit due to being so far up Vince’s arse.

 

ROM SIMMONS DAMM.

 

Kenny Dykstra Vs Ric Flair

No thanks.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Mickie James Vs Victoria – WWE Women’s Championship Match

I’ll give this a watch. Not often I bother with women’s matches, but I like Mickie and Victoria has been built up as a dominant monster for this match so it could be pretty good.

Mmmmm fresh cream and strawberry jam finger doughnut.

Nice deep arm drags from Mickie. MICKIE STEAMBOAT~!

Victoria is great as being a vicious bitch inside the ring. Beating the fuck out of Mickie, and trying to rip her head off in a submission hold too . She seems to like targeting the heads and faces of other divas, and she’s doing her best to smash in Mickie’s face here.

Hell Victoria even starts shit with Lillian at ringside lol. Reminds me of when she first came into WWE and was attacking all the big boobed blonde women before going after Trish .

SECOND ROPE MOONSAULT~! That missed though, and Mickie might be able to take advantage!!!

Mickie just fucking DECKED Victoria .

Melina has shown up because… I have no idea. Did I miss something? She tries to help Victoria win the title, but former victims of Victoria, Maria and Candice, show up to make sure she isn’t successful!

DDT from Mickie, and she’s still the women’s champion!

Good match, glad I decided to not skip it! Mickie with 2 great women’s title matches in a row at NYR (06 and 07 lol)!

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

DX Vs Rated RKO – World Tag Team Championship Match

Alright, time to get this one out of the way. It gets pimped to fuck, and I’ve never personally quite gotten the love for it. Kinda like a certain other tag match were HHH tears his quad lol.

This one starts on the rampway as one big fucking fight. DX are out for BLOOD, not tag titles here. Man, how stupid are the rules of wrestling when you actually think about it?

Jr mentions that the bell hasn’t even rung yet, and King chimes in with “because they haven’t gotten into the ring yet”. So they can do whatever the fuck they want atm until they get into the ring. Imagine if that rule was similar for other sports? Before boxing or an MMA fight, one guy attacks another guy before they enter the ring/octagon? LOL. Or how about in Football (or soccer for you weirdos ), a team is coming down the tunnel to get on the pitch and the other team jumps them from behind? BUT IT’S OK BECAUSE THEY AREN’T ON THE PITCH YET AND THE WHISTLE HASN’T BLOWN TO START THE MATCH~!

The match really slows down once it actually starts, but DX remain in control and spend most of their time just blasting Orton in the face over and over again. Nothing special whatsoever, but I kinda like that they ain’t doing anything fancy because they just want to HURT their opponents. Sure they could have done it in a more interesting way, but come on, it’s HBK and HHH lol.

EDGE CLIPS HHH’S KNEE~! The left one though. Should go for the right one, it’s at a breaking point already .

Well before Edge and Orton can really get back into the match and work over HHH’s leg… hot tag to HBK. Still waiting for this match to impress me tbh. I might not be the biggest fan of the 2 Man Power Trip Vs Chris x 2 match, but I’d still call that a great match.

ORTON MURDERED HBK WITH A CLOTHESLINE~!

I think that MAYBE the match is going to finally get into a good groove following that. HBK down and hurting and at the mercy of Rated RKO… but second later HBK takes both opponents out of the ring and dives over the ropes onto them. FFS lol.

TAG TITLE BELT TO HBK’S HEAD~! Hopefully THAT will be the turning point in the match. Yup, HBK is busted open. I did like how HHH saw it and just flew over to deck Orton lol. Far too often the referee gets in the way, but here HHH got to Orton and took him down before Elias (the referee) could stop him.

Wow, was a whole 4 days ago when I started this ramble and was complaining about Morrisons. Now I’m sat here with some food I got at Morrisons when I was finally able to get there .

DOUBLE IRISH CURSE~! Wonder if Sheamus got the idea for the move here . Or maybe he was already using it on the Indies? I don’t know.

So HBK gets his back worked over for a while, and it’s fine. Not setting the world on fire or anything.

HOT TAG TO HHH~! QUAD TEAR~!

I respect HHH for trying to stay in the match, but that RKO on him was hilarious. He crumples to the floor before Orton can even jump in the air .

SUPERKICK TO ORTON~! I could watch Orton getting kicked in the face all day. Take that how you want .

PEDIGREE~! Kinda. Again, much respect for HHH trying to keep going, but that was just awful.

HBK saves the end by decking the referee and taking out Rated RKO with chairs. Huh, looks like they cut the part out where Orton runs in with a chair and is clueless as fuck because he doesn’t know what to do with HHH being injured .

Fucking hell, HHH continues to beat up Orton and Edge, and even hits a Pedigree on the announce table! No selling the shit out of that quad tear lol!

Good match overall, but still nothing special. Not even close to being one of the top tag matches ever. Not even the best tag match on PPV in 2007. Overrated as fuck, but still worth a watch and something I could sit through again if I wanted to.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Carlito Vs Chris Masters

As much as I like Masters, I cannot sit through a Carlito match. Especially him as a babyface .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

John Cena Vs Umaga – WWE Championship Match

Haven’t seen this match in years. Perhaps not since it first happened. I don’t care much for their LMS match at the RR, unlike most people. This match however gets a ton of praise from people though, so I am very interested in finally seeing it after all this time.

Umaga is still undefeated at this point, and Cena is what, half a year into his year title run?

Damn, Cena is a terrible puncher lol. They look ridiculous.

Cena thankfully doesn’t get many shots in before Umaga shows his power and absolutely dominates the champion. Both guys do a great job here; Umaga with his power offence, and Cena with bumping and selling.

Did have to when Cena tried to slam Umaga though. FFS, Umaga isn’t exactly Yokozuna. We’ve seen Cena AA Big Show multiple times, yet he can’t do a simple scoop Slam to Umaga? Bullshit lol.

that rolling wheel kick to Cena looked fucking tremendous. Love when big guys use that. Viscera was awesome at it, and it just looks so impressive coming from guys that are fat.

Another “Cena can’t lift Umaga” spot, this time with an AA attempt. At least this time they can make the excuse that Cena is fucked from the beatdown. He hasn’t taken that much punishment before trying that slam earlier though. LOL. Anyway, the spot looked great, looked like Umaga landed right on Cena’s head.

After that spot, Umaga immediately targets the neck of Cena and he looks like he’s trying to fucking SNAP IT .

CENA COMEBACK~!

Oh look, NOW he can lift up Umaga and hit that odd suplex thingy he does. BUT HE COULDN’T SLAM THE FUCKER EARLY IN THE MATCH?!?!

Another AA attempt, but Cena’s back and neck is killing him so he definitely can’t do it here. But he could hit that back suplex thingy like 10 seconds earlier?

Umaga is great here at cutting Cena off, either through sheer power, or simply capitalising on Cena being too beat up to hit certain moves.

And then Cena wins with a roll-up. A fucking ROLL-UP. He couldn’t AA Umaga, but he was able to keep his shoulders down for a 3 count on a fucking roll-up?

Well, honestly don’t like that ending, BUT the rest of the match was pretty great. So much better than their LMS match. SO. MUCH. BETTER.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 7

No Mercy 2007

 

Couldn’t decide which 07 show to watch next, so I muddled the DVD’s up, put them under a cover and picked this one out at random. 3 HHH matches in one night. 2 against Orton. Yeeeeeeey…

 

Woo, kicking off a PAY-PER-VIEW show with… talking! At least GENERAL MANAGER REGAL is there too. Looking all BOSS and shit.

 

Orton is announced by Vince as the NEW WWE Champion. Did that actually count as a title reign for him? Just curious lol.

 

Yey Regal gets some mic time! Tells Orton he gets to decide who he will defend the title against first. Fans want Y2J. They’ll have to wait a little longer for him, but not too long . Anyway, I guess this is an official reign for Orton then? Crazy.

 

Blah blah blah Orton is the best blah blah blah HHH interrupts blah blah blah we got a title match.

 

Randy Orton Vs Triple H – WWE Championship Match

Well, I guess if we couldn’t get Cena/Orton, WWE had to make it up to use by giving us TWO HHH/Orton matches to replace it . This is match #1, which I remember nothing about. At least I remember thinking their Last Man Standing match later in the night is great. As long as this doesn’t wanna make me smash my head against a wall I’ll call it a win.

Early going of this is really good, actually. They work a nice pace that isn’t too fast that it would be a random move-fest, but sure as hell isn’t a slow, dull, Orton pace. Awesome bump from the high knee by Orton too lol.

Even when Orton tries to bore, I mean, slow things down with a headlock, it doesn’t last long and even then, this is still during a time when Orton knew how to WORK a headlock spot, so it’s all good .

SPINEBUSTER BY HHH, AND HE DIDN’T TEAR HIS QUAD~! That’s success for ya!

HOLY SHIT HHH WINS THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP WITH A SCHOOL BOY PIN~!

Well, I’m pleased . Unlike 90% of their matches, this was GOOD! A great opener for the PPV, and a match I’d happily sit through again. A HHH/ORTON MATCH I’D HAPPILY SIT THROUGH AGAIN. Doesn’t happen often!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Brian Kendrick, Paul London & Jeff Hardy Vs Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch & Mr Kennedy

So Mr Kennedy injures the golden goose a week prior to this and is rewarded with… a PPV match! LOL.

This is a “bonus” match, and boy does it feel completely meaningless too lol. It’s just a standard tag team for no real reason whatsoever. It isn’t bad or anything, in fact I rather enjoyed it (mainly thanks to Cade & Murdoch/Londrick stuff). It’s just… this should have been a Raw match. In fact it basically was, only with Shelton instead of Kennedy, just the week before.

Hardy does that running dive off the apron and… Cade apparently doesn’t know it’s coming so he isn’t in position. Jeff just crashed to the mat . Not in a horrible way where he hurt himself, just a funny way .

MRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR KENNEDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY picks the win up for his team with that… top rope move he used to do. Uhhhh… dammit I can’t remember the name of it . Finlay used to do it too, only without the need for the ropes because he’s BOSS AS FUCK.

So yeah, good, enjoyable tag, but had no purpose.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

D’awww, HHH and Batista have a moment backstage with both of them as champions. Then Vince shows up and informs HHH that the original match between him and Umaga is still happening tonight, only know with the title on the line!

 

Big Daddy V Vs CM Punk – ECW Championship Match

Is this that super short match that ends in DQ? Probably is.

Yup. It is. Striker runs into the ring and attacks Punk in less than 2 minutes.

And that’s terrible because they had an awesome sub-2 minute match up until that point . This was probably cut short due to the changes made to the show with Cena being injured. WE GOT THAT MEANINGLESS 6 MAN TAG INSTEAD OF A LENGTHY ECW CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH? FUCK YOU.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Tazz like flat greasy wet pie.

 

MELINA~! FAP~!

 

MARIA~! FAP~!

 

They are here to keep score as Matt and MVP have another one of their competitions.

 

We are getting a Pizza eating contest. On PPV. When the ECW Championship match just before this got under 2 minutes.

 

Triple H Vs Umaga – WWE Championship Match

The referee is called Marty ELIAS. ELIAS. .

I might be a little obsessed with Person of Interest .

OH SWEET JEBUS UMAGA JUST MURDERED HHH. Superkick right to the fucking FACE .

Are any of those Undertaker/Umaga matches from house shows available online? Not some big dream match or anything in my opinion but definitely something I’d like to see. Shame they never had a program on TV or anything.

How do people rate Umaga btw? I liked him most of the time, but never thought he would be the next big thing or anything. Don’t think he was made for the main event scene, not in the long run, anyway.

Oh yeah, the match. HHH does some stuff, Umaga cuts him off and works him over a little, nothing exciting there. Then HHH wins. Meh. 3 HHH matches in one night, 2 against Orton, and the Umaga match is probably gonna be the worst of the bunch . THAT’S INSANE~!

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Backstage, Khali is meditating while his handler dude speaks for him. I was surprised that Khali was able to sit crossed legged and then stand up with ease .

 

Finlay Vs Rey Mysterio

Oh fuck YES . I have no memory of their PPV matches, just their TV matches (one in 06 and one in 07). And those were spectacular.

This is off to a tremendous start, just what I wanted to see . Finlay mauling Rey with his great offence, and Rey using his speed, quickness and unique offense to gain momentum for himself. I could watch these two go back and forth all day.

Mysterio tries to go for it all early on, with a sunset flip powerbomb attempt on the floor from the apron, but Finlay uses the apron cover like nobody else can to counter the former WHC and it’s all downhill from here for poor Rey!

This is just fantastic stuff. Rey’s little comebacks are great, Finlay is great at cutting him off, and the turnbuckle spot to distract the ref was awesome.

The finish see’s Finlay get knocked off the apron and SPLAT to the floor, and he pretends to be knocked out. He gets put on a stretcher and… jumps up and attacks Rey . What a cunty heel he is .

Not on the level of their 2 epic TV matches, but for a match with the ending it had, which was essentially to build to another match, it was damn good!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Vince and HHH backstage segment again. We get the Last Man Standing match announcement .

 

Beth Phoenix Vs Candice Michelle – WWE Women’s Championship Match

Hmmmm… no thanks!

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Batista Vs The Great Khali – World Heavyweight Championship Punjabi Prison Match

People say this match is good. Yet they hate on the Undertaker/Big Show one. So not sure if I should believe them .

This match is so horrible on paper, my DVD is spinning like hell to keep it playing otherwise it’ll start skipping lol.

Aaaand it’s dead. BRB, gonna give the disc a clean. Would be a shame if I couldn’t watch this match .

Dammit, it works again. FINE, I’LL WATCH THE DAMN MATCH.

So uhhh… some time has passed. The guys in the ring did some stuff. And now all the doors have been opened and closed, so they have to climb out of the first structure now rather than escaping through a door. Whatever.

Batista wins.

People think this is good? But hate on Undertaker/Big Show? GTFO.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Triple H Vs Randy Orton – WWE Championship Last Man Standing Match

PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH SHOT TO THE RIBS~! Orton is in control!

HHH takes a sweet back bump in the steel rampway. Orton is brutal in his assault on HHH, as he knows the Game is hurting and dammit he wants his title back!

MONITOR RIGHT TO HHH’S HAND~! BARELY~! I think it was supposed to be a head shit, with HHH protecting himself which is of course smart… but Orton almost missed HHH’s hands .

ORTON THROUGH A TABLE~! If Orton connected properly with that monitor shot he wouldn’t be in this predicament .

Well a Spinebuster on the floor wasn’t enough to keep Orton down so the next logical step is… STEEL STEPS~!

Why is it so hard for the fans to keep in sync with the referee’s count? They are always like 1 ahead of him. IT’S NOT FUCKING HARD.

HHH seems to be running on empty, and it catches up to him quickly with Orton gaining real control of the match and HHH is pretty much DEAD. DDT on a steel chair and then an RKO on the chair looks to solidify the win for the Viper, but hold fuck HHH is up at 9!!!

Similar to the WM HIAC with Undertaker, HHH is dead and knows it, but he wants to go out FIGHTING like a true warrior, and gives Orton the old DX Crotch Chop in defiance before collapsing to the floor again.

Honestly I think that would have been a good place to end the match but nope, Orton goes for a Punt, HHH blocks it and has some energy again because I DON’T KNOW.

Lol, had to groan in disgust as HHH so obviously sets up to take a bump into the ring post by basically moving Orton to the corner and attempting a Pedigree .

CHAIR SHOT TO ORTON’S HEAD WHILE IT’S ON THE STEEL STEPS~! Isn’t that what finished off Khali in his LMS match with Undertaker?

RKO ONTO THE ANNOUNCE TABLE~! Kayfabe, that’s what took out Cena the previous week, so I like that it was used as the finish.

Overall, a great match and the best LMS match of 2007, however I don’t think it’s as good as I remembered. Only gone down a little, mind you, but still.

Impressive though that HHH and Orton could have 2 of their best matches together in the same night. Shame they also have about 20 god awful matches together .

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 10.5

 

One Night Stand Extreme Rules 2007

 

Alrighty, it’s time for… ummmm… genuinely don’t remember a single match that takes place at this event . Guess that’s what video packages before the PPV are for!

 

*watches video package*

 

If I hit my head hard enough, will I forget all the matches again?

 

Randy Orton Vs RVD – Stretcher Match

Fuck me, they show a video from LAST WEEK with Orton murdering RVD with punts and DDT’s and RKO’s, yet here is Mr ECW himself ready to compete. All the while HBK got taken out a month earlier from FAR LESS, and won’t return until like, September? October?

So, RVD Vs Orton. On paper, this has potential for sure, as they have wrestled a bunch of times over the years and I’ve enjoyed quite a lot of their work together. However, as I’ll likely mention over and over again in this ramble (hey, you all have that to look forward to!), gimmick matches in WWE most of the time tend to prevent the guys from having one of their better matches together.

After all those shots to the head a week earlier, RVD is out for some major revenge and starts the match off with a kick right to Orton’s fucking head . And more of that comes Orton’s way in the early going . It’s mainly awesome because Orton can sell head shots better than 90% of everyone ever probably.

One shot to RVD’s head and he’s out of it. He tries to go for the 5 Star Frog Splash, but ends up falling off the ropes to the floor and seems to be confused. Actually thought it was a botch at first and was about to ” ” but then I realised it was actually supposed to happen and instead I .

RVD did that spinning legdrop kick thingy off the apron to Orton who was on the stretcher, and he basically spanked him instead . No idea where RVD WANTED to land the legdrop, but it hit nothing but ASS lol.

I could probably have made about 10 gifs of RVD killing himself/getting killed from this one match alone lol. No wonder he took some time off after this .

Like that the stretcher didn’t come into play until right at the end. Whole match was better than I thought it might be given the stipulation. Everything was focused on HEAD (ha). Orton wanted to finish RVD off (ha), and RVD wanted to return the favour (ha… ok I’ll stop now). Both men sell the effects extremely well, and the finish played into that too, with RVD getting somewhat of an upset victory but done in a way that made sense. Aaaand then Orton KILLS RVD with a Punt .

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Vince is looking forward to facing Lashley one on one tonight… but he has a bad feeling that something awful is going to happen to him soon. Wonder what he means .

 

Sandman, Tommy Dreamer & CM Punk Vs Elijah Burke, Matt Striker & Marcus Cor Von – 6 Man Tag Team Tables Match

MARCUS COR VON . THE POOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUNCE~!

Random Dudley Boy’s reference with Dreamer and Punk doing the whole “GET THE TABLES” schtick lol. Actually forgot for a moment that this was a tables match until that happened .

Match is… kinda odd. A bit of a mess with them starting off as a normal tag then suddenly remembering that there are no DQ’s or anything, and from there it goes downhill mostly because Sandman is staggering around not really knowing what the fuck to do, Dreamer is sucking, Striker is mostly sucking, Burke is being awful, and Punk and Cor Von are trying their best to keep things entertaining but everyone else is screwing it up for them .

Superplex to Striker onto Burke through a table ends the match as it’s not one of those fun elimination table matches .

Also we didn’t get a POUNCE .

.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Hulk Hogan and Test apparently had a love child…

 

 

The Hardy Boys Vs World’s Greatest Tag Team – World Tag Team Championship Ladder Match

Huh, don’t remember this match being a thing lol.

In fact, I don’t remember Hass and Benjamin being a team again at this point in time lol.

Anyways, cool little spot with everyone going outside the ring and bringing a ladder in to use as a weapon. The Hardy’s realise what’s happened and throw their ladders down and dropkick Hass and Benjamin’s ladders right back into their faces!

Nice use of the multiple ladders too, I think some stuff was done that I’ve actually NEVER SEEN BEFORE, which is rare as fuck in ladder matches after like 2002 .

The match slows down like fuck once WGTT gain full control, and the fans even boo just how shit some of their ladder offence is .

Apparently the FOUR FUCKING LADDERS IN THE RING aren’t enough, so 2 of those really big ones are brought down by the Hardy’s. Urgh. AND THEY DON’T EVEN TRY TO USE THEM TO CLIMB UP AND WIN. In fact, they only actually use one of them. AND THEY DON’T EVEN PUT IT IN THE RING. God I hate ladder matches sometimes lol.

Oh ffs. now everyone is just fumbling about with ladders and not even remotely trying to climb one and win the fucking match.

Fucking hell, just remembered that the TLC PPV is on tomorrow too. MORE SHITTY LADDER MATCHES YEY~! (edit: TLC has happened and yup, MORE SHITTY LADDER MATCHES~!)

Poor Shelton, keeps botching spots .

Aaaaand then Shelton dies. Hardy Boys retain. I wish to never see this match again.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Joy. They follow up that match with a Khali promo. Not sure which is the biggest trainwreck.

 

Mark Henry Vs Kane – Lumberjack Match

thought they’d done some stupid editing here and changed Benoit’s theme song, but turns out it’s just some generic shit for all the ECW lumberjacks to come out to. I think. Was Chris Masters in ECW in 07? Wait, the draft isn’t until the next night. Guessing this is a mix of ECW and SD guys then, right?

Hmmm… actually they might have edited shit out there, as there was no commentary during the entrances, and this event likely would have been released just after the Benoit incident so I guess anything is possible. Wait… maybe not lol. They did just mention Benoit by name. FUCK KNOWS .

10 seconds into the match and the lumberjacks are already made useless, when Kane gets thrown to the outside and nobody dares touch him.

Apparently they don’t fear Henry though, as everyone jumps on him to throw him back in. And he throws them all off like a BOSS. So ummm… WHY IS THIS A LUMBERJACK MATCH?!?!

THEY’RE WRESTLING ON THE OUTSIDE AND NOBODY IS DOING SHIT ABOUT IT.

at least this is more funny that annoying, I guess . Plus, I can’t be TOO mad during a KANE VS HENRY match when they are doing some good shit .

Henry is awesome. Just thought everyone needed to know. In case they didn’t. But they should. Because he is.

Well damn, a BEARHUG spot in a match I liked? Impressive! Kane escaping with a choke and how it was all done was sweeeet as fuck. And that was the only real “slow” part of the match so far, with both guys always on the move or performing some kind of offence the rest of the time.

Chavo and Dykstra randomly jump Kane in the ring and… somehow the match is no longer No DQ? WHAT?

That distraction allows Henry to grab Kane in another Bearhug, and THE REFEREE CALLS FOR THE BELL. Henry beat KANE WITH A BEARHUG!

Fun and pretty good match between two big bastards!

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Vince McMahon & Bobby Lashely – ECW Championship Street Fight

Lashley botches THE FIRST MOVE and nearly kills himself .

He tries that dive he does over the ropes to try and take out Umaga… and his leg gets caught on the ropes .

Thankfully he isn’t injured, maybe a little sore, but he’s right back in the match like nothing happened about a minute later.

DDT ON THE STEEL CHAIR~! WHICH MISSED THE CHAIR~! BUT THEY PRETEND IT DIDN’T~!

Vince hits the worst spear ever. Worse than what Edge does. WORSE THAN EDGE. Think about that for a second.

Fuck me this is boring. Just Vince, Shane and Umaga slowly beating up Lashley and trying to pin him. Lashley keeps kicking out, and they repeat the 3 on 1 beating again.

Chair shots to Vince. Then right back to a 3 on 1 beating.

SHANE O’MAC ELBOW THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE~! Best part of the match so far. This should have been Lashley Vs Shane.

I wonder how far Lashley’s push would have gone had he stayed with the company. They were clearly looking to turn him into the new Next Big Thing… and then he left. Kinda like Lesnar .

Oh, Lashley wins his ECW title back btw. Last couple of minutes are the only parts worth watching. Except for the botch at the start lol .

Rating: 3/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Melina Vs Candice Michelle – Pudding Match

Ummmm… no.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Edge Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Steel Cage Match

Well the last match I saw between the two sucked balls (Vengeance). Hopefully this will be better. Not holding my breath though. Although it wouldn’t matter if I did. I’d still end up opening my mouth and taking in a breath at some point. It isn’t possible to die like that because your body simply won’t let you lol. Stupid fucking saying. Who came up with it? The french?

Batista’s offence looks… pretty darn good in the early going of this. Nothing special, just clubbing clotheslines and even basic suplex, but they were all executed extremely well and looked vicious as FUCK.

Then Edge starts getting shit in and it’s… kinda shit.

BOOOOOOORING.

They do the boring finish with both guys trying to escape at the same time from different angles, teasing the good guy getting the win but the bad guy hits the floor first. If I had skipped this, I would have missed nothing.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

John Cena Vs The Great Khali – WWE Championship Falls Count Anywhere Match

So people whose wrestling opinions I value say this is a good match. They’d better not be wrong… .

Did… did Khali just hit a roundhouse kick? Either that or the Coke I’m drinking has real coke in it.

Huh. This actually IS good. So far, anyway. Could still go to hell, but I’m hoping it doesn’t because this is FUN .

Cena actually comes across as an underdog for a change, thanks to Khali being so damn big and actually looking pretty IMPRESSIVE on offence. Seriously. He looks like a competent wrestler here! Cena is putting over all of Khali’s shit too by taking big bumps from simple moves and making it seem like Khali can’t be stopped (even though this is a rematch from JD, when Cena WON lol).

Khali pretty much dominates this entire match, with Cena just getting the odd shot in here and there in order to stay alive, before he starts to get a little more in as we go into the finish.

Cena makes good use of his environment when they go out into the crowd and up to the stage and shit too. He’s doing anything he can to try and stop the giant, and I like it!

In the end, an F-U from a crane to the floor FINALLY puts Khali down for a 3, and Cena retains.

Well bugger me sideways and call me Julie; this was really fucking good! Best Khali match? Hmmm… still leaning towards the LMS with Undertaker (obviously lol), but this is tremendous too.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 7

 

No Way Out 2007

 

JBL goes on an insane USA tirade when Cole tries to introduce the Spanish announcers lol.

 

Wonderful, Cole has a sore throat. His voice is annoying enough without this.

 

Chris Benoit & The Hardy Boys Vs MNM & MVP

Plenty of talent in this match! MVP is here too. Should have replaced him with Melina. Would be better.

Speaking of Melina… DAMN. Smoking hot!

JBL goes insane when Benoit gets tagged in, and hypes up how great he is and claims the entire match is gonna change. Aaaand then MVP gains control over Benoit after about 5 seconds .

DOUBLE GERMAN SUPLEX~! Benoit just German Suplexed BOTH MNM at the same time! Oh btw this is all happening right at the end of the match . Literally nothing to talk about until that point .

Match isn’t bad. Not in the slightest… it’s just… a basic tag match. Heels control, hot tag, finishing stretch. Nothing out of the ordinary, no big bumps, no shocking moments. Just a solid tag that could easily have been on Smackdown rather than the PPV.

oh yeah, and Nitro somehow manages to take a BACK BUMP from an attempted BULLDOG by Matt .

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Hornswoggle thinks little people are scary . Finlay… throws him in a dumpster. And then he gets attacked by the mini boogeyman.

 

Scotty 2 Hotty Vs Daivari Vs Gregory Helms Vs Funaki Vs Shannon Moore Vs Jimmy Wang Yang Vs Jamie Noble Vs Chavo Guerrero – Cruiserweight Championship Open Match

Basically a gauntlet match.

so they put Daivari over at the start of the match, as he actually BEAT the CW Champ, Helms, on SD the week before. Aaaand then about 2 minutes later Scotty 2 Hotty beats him with the WORM .

Speaking of Helms, he’s out next. CODE BREAKER~!

Man, the CW division was pretty dire at this point wasn’t it?

Funaki gets pinned in about 10 seconds. They might as well have not booked him on the show lol.

Code Breaker to Moore. Wow this match so far is a whole bunch of NOTHING.

The crowd are into this match just as much as me. They are silent, btw. In case you couldn’t figure it out…

Huh, Wang Yang just eliminated Helms. And… the match isn’t even over yet?

JAMIE NOBLE~! Are these two the last guys in the match? Which means one of these two are gonna be the NEW CW champ? Well at least they used up all the trash early on in the match .

Bought a new lamp today. It’s pretty cool. With an LED bulb, which supposedly lasts 20 years. As someone who went through a pack of bulbs a month with my previous… 5 or 6 lamps lol… it’ll be interesting to see if the LED bulb can live up to expectations .

Urgh, Chavo is in this match too. Guessing he wins? Yeah, he wins. Urgh.

What a boring, total NOTHING match that took the belt off Helms, who held it for over a year, in the most underwhelming way ever.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Finlay & Hornswoggle Vs The Boogeyman & The Little Boogeyman

…

I’m actually skipping a FINLAY match.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

King Booker Vs Kane

It just gets worse.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Paul London & Bryan Kendrick Vs Deuce & Domino – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

So this is another of the many “new tag team shows up and immediately gets a title shot and wins” scenario that WWE seems to love for whatever reason. God forbid they ever try and build a team up first.

Cole’s voice is getting worse and worse. Urgh. Why put a guy on commentary who can’t talk very well? HIS ONLY JOB IS TO TALK AND HE CAN BARELY DO IT.

Fuck me, did I honestly think JBL was awesome on commentary during his first run in 06/07? I remember being so excited when he came back, then quickly got sick of him saying the same old shit. He was literally NO DIFFERENT back during this time too. He’s as annoying here as he is on any current show. Cole too. It’s just awful and them rambling about useless shit is taking me out of this match (which might not be a bad think since it’s D&D in there, but still…).

Huh, London and Kendrick retain. Honestly thought this was when D&D won the belts lol. Guess that showed me .

If I had skipped this, I wouldn’t have missed anything.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Bobby Lashley Vs Mr Kennedy – ECW Championship Match

Urgh. I guess I’ll give it a watch, what with it being a brand title match and all. Kennedy cuts a cringe worthy promo before the match, then Lashley shows up, mumbles, and I *think* punches Kennedy… but it might have been a push. Either way it looked awful and shitty .

Boy is this dull. Should have been the tagline for the show. “WWE No Way Out 2007: Boy is this dull!”

Kennedy attacked Lashley from behind on his way to the ring, and they do some shitty fighting on the outside, then inside the ring they… do some shitty wrestling. Lashley just kinda runs at Kennedy with his arms and clubs him down, and Kennedy works the leg of Lashley in the most boring way possible.

Devin The Dude is in the crowd!!! No idea who he is, but someone has a sign pointing to him. And looking at the crowd is far more exciting than what the two guys in the ring are doing.

So…. how about that local sports team huh? NOTHING IS HAPPENING IN THIS MATCH FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT.

the finish is Lashley getting DQ’d for hitting Kennedy with the chair that Kennedy brought into the ring . A dull as shit match with a terrible finish .

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

The divas show up for… something, and Ashley does a Sable with covered tits, except they are playboy bunnies instead of handprints.

 

The Undertaker & Batista Vs Shawn Michaels & John Cena

Fuck YES, finally a match worth seeing on this show!!!

Man, this really was a HUGE fucking tag. Sure, it doesn’t THOSE names like Hogan, Austin and Rock, but sweet jebus, we do have UNDERTAKER who is one of the biggest icons and legends in the history of the business, HBK who is always put right up near the top when it comes to WWE, Cena who is still the top guy right now and has been for TEN YEARS, and Batista who was Cena’s #2 at the time and is starting to gain some real momentum in Hollywood atm. And to top it all off, these guys are all part of the 2 WM main events for the WHC and WWE title!

Back in 07 I was soooo looking forward to this match for one reason, and honestly it’s still the main reason I love watching it back; UNDERTAKER VS SHAWN MICHAELS. The RR a month before was their first physical encounter in NINE YEARS. And we still had to wait another 2 to get them one on one . But we got that 2 years in a row at WM and both are fucking tremendous .

Match starts off with Batista Vs Cena, which is actually pretty big in its own right and would be a main event for a WM a couple of years later too. In fact it happened in 2010, right? And on the same show was the second Taker/HBK WM match too! Random trivia that means fuck all and nobody cares about but I’m telling you anyway SO THERE!!!

UNDERTAKER AND HBK IN THE SAME RING TOGETHER . Crowd have been shit all night, guess they were saving themselves for this match. Don’t blame em. Everything else was shit, and this has UNDERTAKER VS SHAWN MICHAELS in it .

UNDERTAKER AND CENA . Disappointing that was never got this at WM. Sure, technically it still COULD happen, but it SHOULD have happened a couple of years ago. Ah well, thankfully they have at least had a couple of great singles matches together in 03 and 04 .

SUPERPLEX TO UNDERTAKER FROM CENA~!

UNDERTAKER SITS UP~!

MOAR UNDERTAKER VS SHAWN MICHAELS~!

Good GOD, Undertaker powers Shawn up for a body press, then just STARES at Cena like “hey, dick head, I’m gonna murder your partner and there is nothing you can do”. And then he just launches HBK over the ropes to the floor . They were doing this shit in 1998. It’s now 2007 and they are STILL more than capable of doing it, and doing it perhaps even better than back then .

Batista and the Dead Man do a good job of working over HBK, and I’m just nonstop over Taker and Shawn being in the same match lol.

Hot tag comes and things get even BETTER with all hell breaking loose. I like how Cena does his 5 moves of doom shit, but splits it between Undertaker and Batista. Probably because Undertaker was all “it’s shit and I hate how it’s set up” . And he’d be 100% right because it IS shit and the set up is awful. It all requires Cena’s opponents to do THE EXACT SAME SHIT to Cena every time, rather than CENA doing everything. And it makes his opponents look retarded.

F-U TO BATISTA~!

MORE LIKE F-U TO CENA BECAUSE UNDERTAKER BOOTED HIM IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THE MOVE FROM HAPPENING~!

Also nice to see that things settle down again a little so we can have another, albeit short, FIP segment, only this time Batista is the one in peril.

LOL, HBK tells Undertaker to SUCK IT as he sets up Sweet Chin Music on Batista… only for Batista to counter and tag ‘Taker in . THE DEAD MAN GONNA KILL EM ALL~!

HOLY SHIT SPINEBUSTER TO UNDERTAKER . Batista just sent a message to his WM opponent! Undertaker is left alone, hurt, with HBK AND John Cena!

Sweet Chin Music right into an F-U, and THE UNDERTAKER takes the fall in the match! Well DAMN! I actually forgot that happened .

Ahhhh, this still rules the planet. The four top guys on the planet at the time in the ring together. WM opponents forced to team up and work together. All hell breaking loose. And what a way to help build to WM too! HBK/Cena were tag champs at the time, and HBK made it clear that he wanted Cena 100% and would “protect” him, so honestly those two working together better AND coming out on top makes sense. Meanwhile Batista and Undertaker are two MONSTERS who just wanna destroy everyone and be WHC. Undertaker sent a message to Batista after the RR when he chose him as his WM opponent and chokeslammed the shit out of him, and now Batista is sending a message right back to Undertaker that he isn’t afraid of the Dead Man. And to top it all off, in ring wise it’s a tremendous tag match and the crowd are HOT for it, unlike the rest of the PPV.

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 5