WrestleMania 32 PPV Ramblings

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WrestleMania 32

The BIGGEST WrestleMania ever. In terms of attendance. Everything else? Perhaps the WORST WrestleMania ever for the card, booking and buildup. I have never, in all my time as a wrestling fan, been this uninterested in a WrestleMania. Congrats, WWE…

Kalista Vs Ryback – WWE United States Championship Match

Nothing like putting the US title match on before 90% of the fans have even made it into the arena :lmao.

This looks like a TNA live event :lmao.

Hardly any fans in attendance yet, and we still yet a loud Goldberg chant for Ryback :lmao.

Seriously, this feud is about Ryback thinking he’s better cos he’s big and Kalisto is small? What year are we in again?

:lmao they end up on the outside and it looks like there is only ONE person on the front row right now :lmao. Seriously, why put on a match BEFORE people are even there?

The sad thing is, this is actually quite fu… WHAT THE FUCK? A BREAK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MATCH? TO ADVERTISE WM? DURING WM? WHAT? :lmao

Guessing the pre-show was on things like YouTube as well or something? So they are still trying to get people ot order the Network for WM? Still… come on. FFS. Do it AFTER THE MATCH.

Anyway, before I was VERY rudely interrupted… this is a fun match. Sure, its a match built on an angle you’d expect in the fucking 80’s, but Ryback is throwing Kalisto around like crazy and showing off his power and whatnot, and it all looks really good, meanwhile Kalisto is doing a good job as the FIP. Might have worked better if, you know, THE CROWD WAS ACTUALLY THERE.

So, Kalisto. Is he always this good? I rarely watch his matches, but the last few I have seen, he does make me think he’s the newer Rey Mysterio in terms of being small, taking great looking bumps, and having some super fun and unique comeback spots.

Nice finish that shows off the POWER of Ryback as he drags Kalisto away from the ropes, and rips off the turnbuckle pad at the same time due to Kalisto trying to hold onto it. Then it shows off how Kalisto can counter anything at any time and defeat even THE BIG GUY.

Good opener! I’m just worried the show is going to be downhill from here…

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Total Divas Vs Team B.A.D. & Blonde

:lmao DOWNHILL.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

LITA~! She’s been on the pre-show panel, and now she’s in the ring cutting a promo with a belt hidden under a red cloth. The new Women’s Title Belt? Yep. It is literally just the WWE World Heavyweight Championship belt, but smaller and with a white back. Lita claims the winner will be the FIRST WWE Women’s Champion. Did… did they forget they had one before? Anyway, nice to see the WOMEN’S title back to replace the DIVA’S title. Always disliked the DIVA part of it, made them seem more like bitchy girls than female athletes. Then again they WERE typically booked to be bitchy girls…

The Usos Vs The Dudley Boys

We basically had a full crowd for the 10 diva tag and now this, meanwhile the US title match was done in front of like 10 people. A LOT of people missed out on what is likely gonna end up as one of the best matches of the night.

Now then… do I watch this? I always liked the Dudley Boys, and its nice to see them back at WM. But… the Usos. Probably my least favourite tag team of the decade so far.

Bah, fuck it. Not watching. Skipped to the end. Usos won. Put the Dudley Boys through tables. Yawn.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

And so ends the Pre-Show. I thought the Andre Memorial Battle Royal was gonna take place here too? Oh well. That’s all for me tonight. I didn’t watch this live, I downloaded it. And now I’m off to bed and will download WM when I get up.

Kevin Owens Vs Sami Zayn Vs Dolph Ziggler Vs The Miz Vs Zack Ryder Vs Sin Cara Vs Stardust – WWE Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match

Oh look, its the first major problem on the main show. Why. WHY. WHY THE FUCK could they not give us a single, one on one match between Owens and Zayn? They have the history. All they had to do was fucking TRY. Instead, they thought “fuck it” and threw in a bunch of useless fucking jobber nobodies and gave them a ladder. They literally booked this match to be nothing more than a pointless clusterfuck spotfest. Meanwhile the US title, where the champ is a fucking LUCHA guy… gets a random as fuck singles match?

First match of the main show, and the first match I’m watching since I woke up as the pre-show was online before I went to bed, and I’m already FUCKED OFF with this fucking show.

Fucking hell, how many different announce teams have they got this year? And all of them sound way better and more exciting than the English team :lmao.

CUNTS. Motherfucking CUNTS. Everyone but Owens runs out of the ring for a ladder, and Owens stays in the ring to stop them getting back in… except for Zayn. And they have a little staredown and punch exchange. Nothing like teasing what we SHOULD HAVE FUCKING GOTTEN IN A SINGLES MATCH. Instead of this spotfest shite.

Ok, that’s not fair. This is only a minute in. I don’t know it its shite yet. It could be good… :lmao.

Strange feelings for this. One the one hand, Zayn winning the belt here at WM would be an awesome moment and very well deserved. On the other hand, a big built up singles feud between him and Owens leading to a Zayn victory in a match would also be awesome. WHICH DO I WANT? Guess I’ll go with a WM win because I don’t have the faith in WWE to book them in a big singles feud…

FUCKING SAMI :mark:. Dive through the ropes onto everyone but Owens, then he runs around the ring, through the turnbuckle and lands the DDT :mark:. And I liked how his dive through the ropes (and a ladder) was somewhat logical. The ladder was near the ropes, and every time he tried to move it, Miz kept grabbing it. And with 5 other guys all down there, Zayn needed to make sure everyone was taken out BEFORE he could move the ladder and have a chance at using it. Its about as much logic as I expect from this match.

Oh ffs Dolph. YOU ARE NOT HBK. As many flaws as HBK had, he was actually fucking GOOD most of the time. You sir, are a fecking idiot who forgot how to have a match years ago.

Stardust has his own ladder because… painting it helps?

Nope. Painting it does not help.

FUCK YO LADDER. Owens doesn’t want that shite.

Zayn and Owens going at it again :mark:. Also :(. WHY WASN’T THIS A SINGLES MATCH?

FUCK YO MIZ. Owens doesn’t want that shite either. Pop Up Powerbomb for him.

Oh hey, Ryder is in this match. Forgot he existed.

FUCK ME THIS SHOW IS FIVE HOURS LONG? AND WE’VE ALREADY HAD A 2 HOUR PRE-SHOW?

Urgh, lame set up for the whole “ladder break” spot that we seem to get in EVERY FUCKING LADDER MATCH these days. It stopped being special or impressive when you kept using it every chance you had.

Zayn and Owens battling on the ladder :(. Just stop already. Every time they have an interaction I get sad at what we didn’t get. HERE’S WHAT YOU COULD’A WON! :(

HOLY MOTHERFUCKING FUCK FUCK AT THAT FUCKING HALF NELSON SUPLEX TO FUCKING OWENS ON THE BLOODY LADDER BY ZAYN. Match gets ***** for that alone.

Zayn was about to win and Jiz ruined the moment. Like he ruined everything by breathing.

What?

Just?

Happened?

What?

The?

Fuck?

Zack Ryder wins?

Minus Five Stars.

Someone check on Vince. I think he legitimately has brain damage. Actual brain damage. I’m not making some weird joke. He needs help. He is mentally ill at the very least. As is the entire fucking company apparently.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

AJ Styles Vs Chris Jericho

REMATCH-A-MANIA~!

So this feud was built up based on chants. And it gets a singles match at WM. After they already had multiple matches. Meanwhile Owens and Zayn are forced to compete in a multiman clusterfuck ladder match where Zack “he’s still employed?” Ryder WINS.

Brain. Damage.

Both men do moves. That is about the only way to really describe the match. They go back and forth doing moves. No reason. No nothing. Just moves. Because its WM and apparently doing moves is all that matters now.

AJ’s hair looks stupid.

Oh. A finisher kickout. Jericho is the only person on the planet who is surprised…

Styles Clash happens. And once again, Jericho kicks out of it. What’s the point of keeping Styles from using the move and having someone kick out of it any time he actually uses it?

Brain. Damage.

LOLJerichoWins.

I look forward to all the ****+ ratings from everyone else.

Personally I found this boring and pointless.

Rating: *1/2
CAL SCALE – 0.5

The New Day Vs League of Nations

Are… are The New Day dressed as Saiyans? I thought the Ginyu force would have been a better option personally…

Woods is Vegeta. Big E is Nappa… and I guess that makes Kofi Raditz? You know, Raditz, the weakling of the bunch, so weak they could GROW SAIBERMEN AS STRONG AS HIM :lmao.

Cole acting like he knows who Vegeta is and what DBZ is was hilarious. He clearly has no fucking idea what any of those words mean.

Did JBL just compare LON to THE FOUR HORSEMEN? :lmao

Is Barrett in this match? Cos he just seems to be standing on the floor. Best place for him, mind you, but still, I did think this was a 4 on 3 match.

LON win. Had some fun parts to it, but boy it was just another pointless match. This is fucking WRESTLEMANIA and this match didn’t mean a damn thing.

Rating: *3/4
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Barrett is cutting a promo. Wonder who will show up to shut him up.

Hai HBK :). Damn, Shawn got GUNS.

MICK FOLEY~! Foley lost a lot of weight too :).

So, third man is… Austin! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!

Right, the LON win their match, beating the tag team champs in a 3 on 3 match and… their reward is to get beaten up by 3 retired legends? :lmao

At least Rusev just became the GOAT Stunner Bumper.

Now for some dancing! I think Austin might need some beer before he dances… STUNNER~!

Fuck everyone, apparently :lmao.

Brain. Damage.

Brock Lesnar Vs Dean Ambrose – Street Fight

Ok, here we go. Something I can sorta look forward to. This is either gonna be one hell of a fucking WAR, or a disappointing WWE style brawl. No middle, imo.

I just have to put my faith in BROCK LESNAR.

Please, Dean Ambrose, don’t bring out your little red wagon with you.

Thank fuck for that, he didn’t :). Match is starting off with potential :).

SUPLEX CITY~!

KENDO STICKY~!

SUPLEX CITY~!

Oh crap, Lesnar has a Kendo Stick. And he breaks it in fucking half. Like he needs a fucking stick. YOU DON’T BRING A STICK TO A SUPLEX FIGHT.

:lmao at Dean giving a double thumbs up to the ref after landing on his head :lmao.

Paul’s evil laugh :lmao.

SLAP TO LESNAR~!

AMBROSE ON THE ATTA… SUPLEX CITY~!

Dean kept going for that stick, so Lesnar lets him have it… almost.

Now, if Dean was The Undertaker, what would he do in this situation?

LOW BLOW~!

CHAINSAW~!

The chainsaw won’t start up because DUH and Ambrose gets launched with another suplex, only this time its one of my fav suplexes, the Overhead Belly to Belly :)

Ambrose again tries to fight back with a weapon but Lesnar the BEAST runs up the ropes basically and launches Dean from the top with another overhead belly to belly!!! :mark:

AMBROSE JIZZES IN LESNAR’S FACE~!

STEEL CHAIR ATTACK~!

:lmao Dean fills the ring with chairs, Lesnar grabs him and hits a German Suplex… and throws Ambrose over all the chairs and lands on them himself :lmao.

F-5 COUNTERED INTO A DDT ON THE CHAIRS~!

Paul Heyman was moments away from breaking up the count lol! But the BEAST can kick out of fucking anything!

BARBIE~!

Dean is… making out with Barbie?

SUPLEX CITY ONTO THE CHAIRS~!

F-5 ON THE CHAIRS~!

Lesnar wins.

Well. I was wrong. There was a middle ground for this match. Was in between a fun crazy brawl and a typical WWE brawl. Wasn’t great, wasn’t shit. Disappointing in ways for sure. But definitely a boat load of fun in others.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

There are still THREE HOURS left. Do we even have enough matches for that? Is Rock gonna cut a fucking one hour promo? Urgh I hope not.

Snickers ad with Flair. And Ryder. And Ziggler. And Charlotte. What?

Charlotte Vs Becky Lynch Vs Sasha Banks – WWE Women’s Championship Match

The butterfly belt is going, and getting replaced with the WOMEN’S championship after this match.

LITA and LILLIAN looking better than the 3 competitors in this match :).

Well, I honestly don’t give a fuck about this match, but ok, I’ll watch it. Its WM, and I did watch the women’s match at NXT Takeover: Dallas so I guess I’ll give this one a go too.

Sasha with some EDDIE GUERRERO type offense!

Becky misses a sunset flip when she launched herself too far lol. If that happened in NXT we’d have a shitty “botchamania” chant going by now.

Very, very nice underhook reverse DDT by Becky. Don’t think I’ve ever seen that done before.

Fuck me, Sasha with a brutal looking bump over the ropes right to the floor!

FROG SPLASH~! More Eddie offence from Sasha!

Crazy to think that just a couple of years ago, we wouldn’t see 90% of these moves being performed by the females in WWE.

RIC FLAIR GETS TAKEN OUT WITH A DIVE~!

Wonder if he’ll blade 8*D.

MOONSAULT OFF THE TOP ROPE ONTO BOTH OPPONENTS ON THE FLOOR~!

This is definitely your typical wwe style triple threat match, but I dunno, seeing the women pulling it off THIS GOOD leaves me more impressed with the match than “oh joy moves” like I would be if this was 3 guys doing it. I guess I really am just not used to this from the women’s division since I rarely watch a women’s match.

FIGURE EIGHT~!

FLAIR PREVENTS SASHA FROM BREAKING IT UP~!

BECKY TAPS~!

Well, I didn’t see that coming tbh! I was expecting a new champion!

Well, I guess we do kinda have a new champion, as Charlotte is now the NEW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!

Colour me impressed. Very impressed. This match got plenty of time, felt big, and everyone looked tremendous in it. Perhaps I need to watch some more of this WOMEN’S revolution!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

Shane McMahon Vs The Undertaker – Hell in a Cell Match

:lmao this isn’t main eventing? :lmao

Ok, what is left for this show? This HIAC match. WWE WHC match. Andre Battle Royal. And the video file is showing as having 2 hours and 22 minutes left? Maybe there is like an… aftershow panel thingy on the end of this? Because I can’t see the show going on for that long unless I’m forgetting like 2 or 3 other matches :p.

So, Shane needs to win to gain control of the company, which the FANS want to see. Undertaker is still a massive babyface. And if he wins… Shane is done. Which the fans don’t want to see. But if Undertaker loses, Shane gains control and Undertaker never wrestles at WM. The fans want to see Shane gain control but don’t want Undertaker to never wrestle at WM again. WHO BOOKED THIS SHIT?

Brain. Damage.

Oh yeah and this show is taking place in TEXAS. You know, that place where THE UNDERTAKER IS FROM. How on earth and they supposed to be upset if Undertaker wins? Or truly happy if SHANE beats him?

Brain. Damage.

Anyway, enough of that. I need to stop thinking about all of that. This is the motherfucking UNDERTAKER AT WRESTLEMANIA IN DALLAS TEXAS IN A HELL IN A CELL MATCH AGAINST SHANE O’MAC. This HAS to be insanely entertaining, right? Damn right.

Undertaker doesn’t get anything majorly special for his entrance again this year, but come on, EVERY Undertaker entrance is the greatest entrance ever. His normal entrance eclipses everything else anyone might do.

I like how they are hyping the fact that the longer this goes, the more is favours Shane because Undertaker will be knackered quicker. But Shane is the one dancing around and running around and throwing tons of strikes that aren’t connecting… and he’s old as fuck too :lmao. He’ll probably run out of steam before Undertaker :lmao.

Well, anyway, this is fun so far :). Shane is trying it hit and move, and Undertaker keeps catching him with a couple of shots than just floor O’Mac.

ARPON LEG DROP~!

LAST RIDE~!

Shane actually kicked out? :lmao

A non wrestler just kicked out of one of THE UNDERTAKER’S FINISHING MOVES :lmao.

Shane taking a page out of Undertaker’s book with the MMA submission! Triangle Choke!!!

Undertaker is drooling :lmao.

CHOKESLAM ON THE STEEL STEPS~!

And Shane is gonna kick out again isn’t he?

Yup.

Come on. Seriously?

Getting hard to tell now if Undertaker is actually knackered or if he’s selling the effects of the match :p.

HELLS GATE~!

I wonder how Shane will escape this…

Well, nice counter, he managed to slip his head right out of the hold and counters with a Sharpshooter!!! Better be careful, ‘Taker, you’ll get screwed!

Undertaker POWERS out of it because he’s the fucking DEAD MAN.

Oooo Undertaker is in the corner… are we gonna see it? Is Shane gonna hit it? We all know its coming… come on Shane… we wanna see it!!!

Out comes the trash can! Its gonna happen :mark:.

And here we go…

COAST TO COAST~! :mark: :mark: :mark:

Ok, trash can doesn’t even remotely connect with Taker, but screw it, COAST TO COAST~!

BOLT CUTTERS~! Shane gonna escape the cell!!! Looks like we might get that big HIAC bump that we’ve all be craving for for years! I mean… not that we desire to see someone take a stupidly dangerous bump or anything :side:.

OUCH. Undertaker drives Shane through the cell and the back of Shane’s head smacks on the CORNER of the announce table. That had to fucking take it out of Shane.

Undertaker rag-dolling Shane like a lunatic :mark:.

2 announce tables have been cleared. Shane and Undertaker are standing on a… random platform… big spot coming…

SLEEPER~! OMG!!! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHI… oh wait that wasn’t the big spot. Silly me :p.

I’m guessing… yup! Undertaker breaks the hold by smashing the two of them through a table!!!

TOOLBOX TO THE SKULL OF THE DEADMAN~! I wonder if they’ll get fined for that? 8*D

ANOTHER SHOT TO THE SKULL~!

Undertaker is laid out on the announce table… and Shane looks to the top of the cell…

IS IT… IS THIS REALLY GONNA HAPPEN? ARE WE GONNA SEE, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 16(?) YEARS… SOMEONE FLY OFF THE TOP OF THE CELL?!?!

And remember, this HIAC is HIGHER than the ones we used to see back then!!!

Even the fans are chanting PLEASE DON’T JUMP lol. This is INSANE.

FUCK ME HE DID IT. SHANE DOVE OFF THE TOP OF THE FUCKING GIANT HELL IN A CELL AND CRASHED THROUGH A FUCKING TABLE WHEN UNDERTAKER MOVED. SHANE IS A FUCKING MANIAC. HOLY FUCK.

HOLY.

FUCK.

Shane is BEGGING FOR MORE.

So Undertaker carries him back to the ring to finish him off.

Shane is getting back up. The fuck is wrong with him?

Undertaker showing respect for Shane, then smashes him head first into the mat with a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER~!

The Undertaker wins one hell of a fucking battle.

This was batshit crazy. Insane. Entertaining. Weird. Fun.

Of course the outcome is another BRAIN. DAMAGED. Decision from WWE given the stipulations, but at the same time Undertaker losing would have been the exact same so… WWE BRAIN DAMAGED themselves into a corner.

I basically got what I wanted out of this. An insane and MEMORABLE match. I probably enjoyed it more than some, yet somehow less than others :p.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

I hope HENRY wins this as a retirement gift from the company, assuming he IS retiring after this show like he’s been saying for a while now.

HOLY SHIT DDP!!! DDP IS IN THIS MATCH!!!

SHAQUILLE O’NEAL? :lmao

Goldust’s reaction to him :lmao.

Oh hey Tatanka is there too.

Shaq and Show double chokeslam Kane :lmao.

The two giants clear the ring.

Show eliminates Fandago. Shaq eliminates Sandow. They have a staredown while everyone else stays on the floor and watches them :p.

Everyone else piles in and eliminates them both :lmao.

:lmao even the commentators didn’t know Tatanka was in the match :lmao.

Hmm… Henry was knocked out by Show early in the match and seems to be staying in the floor… methinks him winning could be a very good prediction from me :).

Bunch of people get eliminated and HERE COMES HENRY~! He’s back and Heath Slater gets thrown out like a child.

There goes Breeze too.

KANE AND HENRY GOING AT IT :mark:.

Huh, Henry is eliminated by Kane and Darren Young. Well, there goes my prediction.

Borin Corbin wins?

:lmao

Brain.

Damage.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

THUNDERSTRUCK playing while some cheerleaders dance. And they follow it up with… The Rock. Pfft.

Wait, he’s leaving :mark:.

Ah crap he came back.

With… a gun? No, a fucking FLAMETHROWER.

And he’s setting light to his name that was conveniently set up just as he came out… because… I genuinely don’t know. At all.

1 hour 10 minutes left. Only Rock to cut a shitty promo and the main event to go. Help me Jebus.

Huh, suddenly I need a shit. What are the odds?

Rock is here to tell us the attendance. 101,763. Magical. Glad he wasted our time for that. Can he fuck off now? Please?

Wyatt Family? YES, KILL THE ROCK. KILL HIM.

Wait… a match?

The Rock Vs Eric Rowan

Well, better than a promo, guess?

Rock Bottom and he wins. In 6 seconds.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

Ok, can they kill Rock now?

Oh fuck, Cena. Is he gonna bury someone in 6 seconds too now? They team up and bury the Wyatt Family together. How nice.

Triple H Vs Roman Reigns – WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match

:lmao I thought Stephanie was Nia Jax at first glance :lmao.

oh my god over 40 minutes left. After entrances, probably 30. Please, PLEASE FUCKING TELL ME THIS ISN’T GOING TO BE A 30 MINUTE MATCH.

So, this HHH entrance. Ummm… is it parodying something? It isn’t Sar Wars or Marvel so I’m obviously not aware of whatever it actually is :p.

Reigns booed out of the building by 100,000+ fans :lmao.

So it begins. 35 minutes left on the video file.

Nice swinging neckbreaker off the table.

SPEAR TO STEPHANIE~!

Stephanie, the most hated heel in the company, and Roman STILL gets booed :lmao.

Reigns wins with a Spear.

Yawn.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Overall CAL SCALE – 10

NXT Takeover: Dallas Ramblings

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NXT Takeover: Dallas

Ok. I’ve never watched a FULL NXT Takeover show. I’ve rarely watched the TV show. Every now and then a match will come along that I wanna see (usually involving Sami Zayn) and I’ll watch it. But a full show? Never interested me. However, after sitting through a DECADE OF RAMBLES from 00 to 09 and seeing so much shite, people have been begging me to stop wasting my time on that and sit through something good, like NXT. So here I am. Watching a full NXT show and rambling on it. If this isn’t good, I will never let them forget it.

American Alpha Vs The Revival – NXT Tag Team Championship Match

My friend Tom (hai Tom) keeps telling me how awesome American Alpha are. If he lied to me, amma be sad.

The Revival look like a CAW team someone would make in a WWE game.

Gable seems to be super popular, always hear him get compared to Angle, and the fans in NXT like to chant his name to Angle’s theme tune lol.

:lmao at the commentator. He tries to make it sound like a big deal that American Alpha have only been teaming since July and are “already” wrestling for the tag titles :lmao. This in a company where some guys tag for the first time ever and win the belts :lmao.

SUPLEX CITY~! Wait, isn’t that Lesnar’s deal? LESNAR TO NXT TO KILL AMERICAN ALPHA~!

Too late, Dash just killed Gable with a clothesline. Lesnar only has Jordan to kill now.

I have to say, so far I am FUCKING LOVING this match. Definitely feels like a wonderful old school tag. Not exactly something I’d expect to see from an old school tag in DALLAS, unless it was the Midnight Express, but certainly something I’d expect from JCP. In fact this does remind me a lot of a great Rockers Vs Brainbusters tag. The faces had a long shine period at the start, then got cut off with a double team clothesline spot on the floor, and then we had some fucking AWESOME hot tag teases and unique ways to make sure no tag was made.

Botchamania chant for some double team move that didn’t exactly connect properly :p.

Oh wow this finishing stretch is absolutely tremendous. Some great near falls, but without using up any BIG finisher type moves. Hate when they waste a bunch of huge moves and completely ruin them.

ROLLUPS GALORE~!

Gotta say, I adore that tag finisher from American Alpha. Its simple, its basic, it looks like it would fit in during the 80’s but at the same time is still believable as a finisher in 2016.

We have NEW NXT Tag Team Champions! And we have a new American Alpha fan in me! :)

WrestleMania already has a HUGE task to follow this match. We’ll genuinely be LUCKY if anything on WM beats this.

JR IN THE CROWD~!

FUNAKI~!

KOTA IBUSHI~! Wait, the fuck is he? :p

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

Baron Corbin Vs Austin Aries

A Double! The Greatest Man That Ever Lived!

And he’s facing Borin Corbin. At least, that’s what he was the last time I watched him. I hear good things (mostly) about Corbin these days, but I’m still a bit sceptical.

:lmao did Aries just avoid a clothesline by being… too short to even have to duck under it? :lmao

Dammit. A fucking nerve grip. Corbin living up to the Borin Corbin name I gave him. Such a shame because he was doing well before that. I swear that hold should be illegal. All it does is suck the life out of any fucking match that uses it.

A holy shit chant for a back suplex on the floor? Ummm… ok. Oh wait no, it wasn’t an ordinary back suplex on the floor, but a spinning one. Which makes all the difference? Lol. At least Jordan and Gable’s double team one looks the part…

Oh and then Aries counters Corbin’s finisher in the ring with a rollup and wins.

*sigh* well this wasn’t exactly good. Aries was good in it, but Corbin in all honesty started good and then went to shit and it ruined the whole match for me. I just look forward to Aries getting to work with some good opponents next.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Sami Zayn Vs Shinsuke Nakamura

Before I even promised to ramble on this show, I knew I was gonna at least watch this match. Mainly because ZAYN, but also because everyone was excited for Nakamura and while I’d heard OF him, I’d never actually seen a match from him. And well, if his debut match is against Zayn, I think its time I change that.

Huh, so his name is pronounced SHINSKAY? I just assumed it was ShinSookay lol. I learned things :).

Hall and X-Pac in the crowd too!!!

Well, good to see Nakamura has some personality lol. His entrance shows more charisma than half the main roster :p.

Nakamura seems to be taking the piss a little and just having fun, and just as Sami thinks this match is starting to be a joke, he lets his guard down and almost gets his fucking head kicked off :mark:. Zayn avoided the kick obviously, but now he realises that this is some serious shit despite how Nakamura might be acting.

Now Zayn trying to get into the head of Nakamura by imitating him after some awesome DEEP ARM DRAGS~!

HEAD KICKS~!

Poor Sami just keeps getting kneed to the face and head.

They exchange forearm shots for… well, WAY too fucking long, but I guess the crowd are into it at least so that’s something, right?

Nakamura’s nose gets busted open and he ends up kicking the shit out of Zayn in response :p.

Fans chant “we love strong style” (urgh, btw) while Zayn is getting the shit kicked out of him, so when he recovers he absolutely blasts Nakamura and turns him inside out with a sweet fucking clothesline, almost like he was was doing it as a big “fuck you” to the fans for loving Nakamura kicking the shit out of him :p.

Man, Zayn is really giving it to Nakamura. Punches and kicks right to the head, showing the world that he can beat the shit out of people too.

KOJI CLUTCH~!

Another kick to the fucking HEAD of Zayn~!

:lmao a “FIGHT FOREVER” chant :lmao.

Looks like we’re into the finishing stretch now. Some nice counters going on and holy fuck I don’t think I’ve seen as great of a near fall off the Blue Thunder Bomb as that one.

Zayn goes for the DDT through the turnbuckle, but gets KICKED IN THE HEAD. Again. Lol. Still got nothing on the European Uppercut counter ;).

Running spin kick to the head finally finishes off Zayn. Is that his finisher, then? Cos during the match it seemed like they were building up a running knee (the one that Bryan used?) for Nakamura?

Ok. Well. This match, huh? Overall I very much enjoyed it, no doubt about that. However it DID have some issues, mainly that awful forearm exchange that went on far, far too fucking long. Didn’t help that a lot of the strikes didn’t exactly look good either, considering Nakamura was being hyped as the best Strong Style worker in the world :p. However those are really only minor complaints. Well, a bit more than minor for the forearm exchange maybe :p. Not enough to ruin the match for me though, just not think as highly of it compared to what I expect most people to do.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

Nice standing ovation for Zayn afterwards, and I’m guessing this is his big NXT send off and he’ll now officially be on the main roster full time.

Bayley Vs Asuka – NXT Women’s Championship Match

And Asuka is pronounced Aska. Are all “U”‘s silent in Japanese names? :p

Ok then. The NXT Women’s Division. It has been getting rave reviews for a long time now. Most of the ones who made it so good are now on the main roster and people are liking how the main roster division is improving (mostly) with those names too.

Me though? I just haven’t cared. At all. I haven’t seen any of the big women’s matches that have been praised like crazy. I don’t watch any women’s matches any more. I just don’t care. In fact, I don’t watch that much WRESTLING any more either. I skip through Raw and maybe see 10 minutes in total, and honestly that rarely involved a match. I skip most PPV matches. Nothing interests me much these days, so it isn’t like I’m actively against the females or anything, I’m just not that interested in anything these days lol.

However, I promised I’d watch ALL of this event and dammit that’s what I’m gonna do.

What the fuck are the crowd singing? :lmao is this a regular thing for Bayley matches? :p

Ok, didn’t spend much time talking about the match here. One way to describe it though, is that its the female version of the previous match lol. Bayley is the plucky babyface that keeps on going and the fans love her for it, while Asuka is a brutal STRONG STYLE wrestler who will beat the shit out of you.

And you know what? This was the BETTER version of the match! Asuka’s strikes looked better, and I just found it far more enjoyable with some better counters, no stupid 2 minute forearm exchange, and a better finish too imo.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Finn Balor Vs Samoa Joe – NXT Championship Match

JOE IS GONNA KILL YOU. And take your NXT Championship :). Then again… I reckon whoever loses this match will go to the main roster after WM… so actually I want Joe to lose because fuck Balor :p.

Oh yeah I don’t like Balor. Any time I’ve seen him wrestle, he has impressed me about as much as Borin Corbin. Seems all he is good for is his special painted entrance.

BOBBY ROODE IS IN THE CROWD!!! FUCK YES!!!

Why does Balor have a chainsaw for his entrance? Is that normal these days? Or is it a reference I don’t get? Not like Funk gave the chainsaw to him…

Fucking hell lol, Joe already bleeding a minute into the match :p.

Welp, there goes a security guard!

:lmao at Joe shoving the ref off him when he tries to wipe away some blood, then the ref gets another sneaky wipe in and Joe looks like he’d murder him if he did it again :lmao.

They finally have to deal with Joe’s cut as it seems to keep bleeding :p. The fans aren’t happy about it because they are blood thirsty cunts apparently :p. Come on, guys. This has been going on for YEARS now, how are you not used to it yet? :p

Well, the cut STILL isn’t sorted and they have to stop the match again to deal with it some more. I hope this doesn’t keep happening. Once is fine, I understand it has to happen. But when it happens again it does take away from the match due to having to stop shit and whatnot.

Luckily the stoppages so far haven’t killed the match or anything, and Joe imo is fucking carrying this entire thing right now and has been doing since the start.

Is anyone a heel in NXT? Every match tonight, the fans have chanted for both guys/teams at some point.

Match is getting a “this is awesome” chant and I’m honestly baffled as to why. It isn’t bad, but it sure as fuck isn’t awesome. Fans these days, so easily pleased.

RANDOM MUSCLE BUSTER~! And I swear the fans were basically expecting a kickout so there was no awesome near fall from it or anything.

Why are the fans chanting 1 number ahead of the ref during a 10 count?

We get a Bret/Austin SVS 96 finish and that’s that. Meh. Not a bad match, but oh boy was this mediocre as fuck compared to almost everything else on the show :p.

Ah well, at least it looks like Balor is staying in NXT and JOE will hopefully move up to the main roster!

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

Overall CAL SCALE – 14.5