No Mercy 2000
I’M LOOKING AT RIKISHI, AND I’M LOOKING AT A DEAD MAN.
2 Cool Vs Lo Down Vs Tazz & Raven Vs The Dudley Boys Vs Right to Censor – The Dudley Boys Tag Team Elimination Table Invitational Match
Is the match name long enough? So apparently this was BYOT: Bring your own table.
Lo Down. What a low point for the tag division in 2000. They get eliminated first. Whatever.
TAZZ AND RAVEN. They were both in ECW so they needed to be teamed together obviously. Though it is better than the alternative; a singles push for Raven. Never understood his hype. Not that good in the ring, overrated like a motherfucker on the mic. Shame Tazz’s body was breaking down by this point. Would have liked to have seen more of him in WWF. IC title run with him being more of his ECW “Ultimate Fighter” style worker or whatever could have been cool. 20 minutes on PPV between Tazz and Benoit? YUSH PWESE!
GMS broke a table with his feet doing a sunset flip, and the ref just ignores it. YOU FUCKED UP chant. Well deserved. Would have been awesome had GMS’ pants fallen down and broken the table instead.
WORM UNDER A TABLE. GOAT WORM EVER. Then he gets eliminated. Tazz and Raven continue on!
THOSE DAMN DUDLEYS! So is this WWF or ECW? WWF of course because nobody has bladed like fuck yet for no reason and New Jack hasn’t shown up to dive 100ft off a platform onto the concrete because he’s a moron.
So Tazz & Raven get eliminated at some point. Bull and Goodfather are out next/last. Ref bump. Bull through a table. Chair shot to Bubba. Falls on top of Bull. Goodfather moves Bull. Ref wakes up. Looks like Bubba went through the table. LOL.
Another ref shows up to tell him what happened. Match restarts. Dudleys win. STOP RANDOMLY DECIDING WHEN YOU WILL RESTART MATCHES AND SHIT. BENOIT USED THE ROPES TO BEAT JERICHO AT SUMMERSLAM, WHY DIDN’T ANYONE RESTART THAT MATCH? HUH? HUH?
This was… eh. A nothing match. Not even that fun either tbh. Literally just nothing.
CAL SCALE – 0
TRISH’S TITS. T&A talk about how it wouldn’t be a bad thing if they fell out of her top. I am in agree.
APA & LITA Vs T&A & Trish
So this all started with a strip poker game where Trish got naked and the APA were so distracted they got beat up. LITA FAP FAP.
at the sign “Lita can I have your thong?”. Then again, not that funny. She never did give it to me. Bitch. HOT BITCH.
LITA FAP FAP FAP comes out first, then the APA music plays but they never show up. Turns out they got attacked. T&A & Trish come out to get LITA FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP and triple team her for a little while before the Hardy Boys make the save.
Match never happens. And that’s that. Did one or both of the APA have to have surgery or something at the time? I know they were out for a little while because of this, and it seems weird to book a match like this and not do it on PPV.
Rating: Never Happened
CAL SCALE –
Edge & Christian couldn’t compete in the tables match tonight because of their nuts. Lots of ball jokes. Ha.
Chris Jericho Vs X-Pac – Cage Match
these two had a fucking awesome match at Unforgiven. In a cage this time? Could be fun times!!!
HATE~! Yes! These two have been trying to kill each other for like 2 months now, and they ain’t slowing down yet! Jericho goes right after X-Pac before he even gets in the cage, so they brawl on the outside before getting in the cage and proceeding to kill each other some more .
Fuck me, X-Pac takes on hell of a back drop into the cage. Then gets RIGHT BACK UP and attacks Jericho some more. What?
I zoned out for a few moments and somehow Jericho got hit in the face with a chair. When did the chair show up?
All in all, the do beat the shit out of each other the entire time and it does offer some good shit, but eh, got nothing on their UF match tbh. Some stupid moments here and there bring it down a little, and the overall HATE~! doesn’t seem as good as UF. Finish is good though.
CAL SCALE – 2
DAMMIT, Steve Blackman is at WWF New York. No awesome Hardcore Title match tonight then .
Billy Gunn & Chyna Vs Val Venis & Steven Richards
Was originally supposed to be Eddie Vs Billy for the IC title, but Eddie got injured. Steven Richards says he wouldn’t normally hit a women unless it was ABSOLUTELY necessary. S’ok Stevie, Chyna ain’t no women. RECTALLY OBSESSED BILLY GUNN.
SO MANY ASSES, SO LITTLE TIME.
Poor Val nearly gets blinded when Chyna rubs his face in her tits. EEEWWWW. I’d sooner have my face in the ass of the women from Rock/Gunn SummerSlam 99 match. YOU KNOW THE ONE I MEAN.
Poor Val. He seems to get owned by Chyna quite a few times in 2000. He don’t deserve it either. Val was awesome. FAMEASSER! Wait, isn’t that a Ziggler move? I get it! Billy Gunn invented a time machine, came to the future and stole Dolph’s move! What a cunt!
Speaking of stolen moves, Chyna goes for a Pedigree. Eddie hits her in the back with a pipe covered in roses. Ref makes the count even though the ring is covered in flowers. WHERE IS THAT OTHER REF TO RESTART THE MATCH NOW? HUH? HUH? BIASED MOTHERFUCKER.
So this wasn’t too bad all things considering. Decentish. Funish. Not badish. Thereish.
CAL SCALE – 0
Steve Austin Vs Rikishi – No Holds Barred
So Rikishi was the one that ran over Austin. And it didn’t work so HHH did it instead. LOL. Rikishi was doing awesome as a babyface. Should have stayed like that. I would have liked say, a Rikishi Vs Angle PPV match for the WWF Title around this time. Could play up on their KOTR finals match.
Man, this was a BLOOD FEUD. Both guys LEGITIMATELY threatened to kill each other. KILL. FOR REAL. Awesome.
Austin hasn’t show up yet so Foley comes out to announce Rikishi the winner by forfit. He wastes a bunch of time slowly coming to the ring then standing about without talking to buy Austin time. Then Austin’s music hits and his truck arrives. So like, did he ring ahead and say “play my music”?
Well I like Stone Cold. But I also like Rikishi. Which is better? There’s only one way to find out… FIGHT!!! And fuck, they do. MAUL is a better word than fight.
Should have been clear Rikishi did it for HHH btw. Guy was walking about with a SLEDGEHAMMER. Duh.
So this is awesome. Austin just destroys, murders, mauls, beats and other word that means all those things too poor Rikishi. Punches his face in. Beats him with his belt. Smashes his skull in with a chair, then tries to run the fat fuck over. AUSTIN ATTEMPTS TO MURDER RIKISHI FOR REAL ON LIVE PPV. I miss those days.
CAL SCALE – 3
William Regal Vs Naked Mideon – WWF European Championship Match
We go from attempted murder to nudity. Only in WWF!!!
Naked Mideon is clothed. False advertising… but I’ll manage.
Regal dominates and Mideon gets angry… so he takes off his top. Eeewww. Regal dominates AGAIN. So Mideon takes off his bottoms. EEEWWWW EEEWWW EEEEWWWW. Why didn’t we have a Naked LITA gimmick instead?
Mideon kisses Regal and… oh dear god how many times do we see Mideon’s balls and penis? Seriously. BALL AND PENIS FOR REAL. Hilarious watching Regal going for the Regal stretch but being horrified at the nakedness of Mideon, so he hits that cross arm sleeper drop thingymabob and pins him instead .
This was… disturbing. I don’t think I can even rate it.
CAL SCALE – 0
at the Angle/Rock edited interview.
The Hardy Boys Vs Los Conquistadors – WWF Tag Team Championship Match
SPOILER! Los Conquistadors win the tag belts. They defend them on Raw the next night and beat Edge & Christian. They reveal themselves to be The Hardy Boys. So if Los Conquistadors are actually The Hardy Boys… then is this a Hardy Boys Vs Hardy Boys match? I AM IMMENSELY CONFULSEZZED!
Watching E&C trying to be “Lucha” wrestlers is hilarious. They just roll about and do dropkicks every now and then and act like they are the most awesome thing ever .
The actual match IS kinda dull. Absolutely nothing noteworthy really beyond the stuff with E&C trying desperately to look like Lucha wrestlers. Best part of the match is the commentary. JR just BLISTERS Los Conquistadors every chance he gets because he’s 100% certain they are Edge & Christian, while King gives them the benefit of the doubt and defends them at every turn .
CAL SCALE – 0
Triple H Vs Chris Benoit
BENOIT HEADBUTTED STEPHANIE! JUST WHAT IS THIS GUY CAPABLE OF? Oh yeah…
Only 2 matches left on the card, and this is one of them. WAI NO UNDERRTEKER? Seriously… where was he? I am not recalling him being “taken out” at this point in time. Where is Kane too for that matter? Naked fucking Mideon gets a title match and Undertaker & Kane miss the show? BULLSHIT.
HHH starts the match trying to “out wrestle” Benoit by doing some leg work. Looks good and shit but… doesn’t lead to anything… and doesn’t help HHH in the slightest. Benoit on the other hand works over the arm and shoulder, which DOES help him. But HHH makes a comeback and ignores it all anyway. Big reverse suplex AND a fucking superplex? With a “bad” arm? Bullshit.
In the end Stephanie (fap fap) is the one that is the difference maker and helps HHH win. TAKE THAT, POINTLESS LEG WORK!
This is eh. HHH stuff at the start is meaningless. Benoit control stuff is great, but HHH’s lack of fucking selling makes that meaningless. Stephanie showing up at the end to help HHH win makes, well, everything meaningless. Not a fan.
CAL SCALE – 0
The Rock Vs Kurt Angle – WWF Championship Match
Man, Rock is a fucking retard. Stephanie tries to jump in the ring at the start of the match, so Rock goes after her and Angle attacks him from behind to gain the early advantage. But WHY did Rock even bother going after Steph? Was he gonna hit a women? Well I wouldn’t put it past him because he’s a cunt and he’s done it before. Great babyface btw. But still… why bother? What was Steph gonna go? Attack him? MAN UP. Plus Stephanie attacking Rock would gain him a DQ win. Title: Retained. Dumb fuck.
Wait… this is No DQ? Well that changes things slightly. Steph could have attacked Rock and it wouldn’t have ended the match. But come on… it’s fucking Stephanie. What’s she gonna do to The Rock? One hard slap and she’s fucking out of it on the floor, leaving Rock to face Angle one on one. So Rock is still a dumb fuck. STEPHANIE looks hot as fuck.
NOOOOO!!!! NO ROCKY DAMMIT!!! Earl Hebner really didn’t want Rock to drive Angle’s balls into the ring post. I can only thing of disturbing reasons as to why that is.
Rock smashes Angle’s leg with a chair, locks in the Sharpshooter and Angle taps. But Earl is too busy eyeing up Stephanie. Can’t blame him. Look at Rock’s Sharpshooter or look at Stephanie?
Best sleeper hold/rest hold spot ever. Angle has the sleeper in, but the camera keeps showing Stephanie who is leaning over the apron in a low cut top. TITTIES~!
So Rock ends up Rock Bottoming Stephanie. Women beating piece of shit. At least the People’s Elbow was interrupted TWICE . HHH runs down, beats up Angle for letting it happen, then Pedigree’s The Rock for doing it. Stephanie is carried away.
RIKISHI IS BACK!!! Covered in blood and trying to help his friend The Rock retain the belt, but he keeps blasting The Rock instead, and Angle is able to capitalise and win the WWF Title!
Fun match. Not great, but fun. Angle does some good work, Rock… well Rock is Rock. Stephanie was the star of the match, but Angle held his own and Rock was just around to take the bumps and shit lol. Angle’s use of the suplexes are great in this match btw. He pretty much uses them as cut off moves any time Rock gets anything going. Why oh why couldn’t he have stuck to that formula?
CAL SCALE – 2
Overall CAL SCALE – 7