THE END IS HEEEERE. THE END IS HEEERE. THE END IS HEEERE. THE END IS HERE! THE END IS HEEEREE!
How creepy and awesome is that Armageddon song? Then they kill the mood with “Sweet Home Alabama” lol. Good song and they are in Alabama… but it’s all happy and up beat… .
The Hardy Boys & Lita Vs The Radicals – Elimination Match
LIIIITA FAP FAP FAP FAP LIIIITA. The cell is as low down as Lita’s trousers. But there be no thong poking out of the top, so LITA > HIAC.
Dayum, LITA looked amazing in that black dress she wore on the date with Malenko. Then DAYUM FAP FAP FAP at the outfit in the hotel room. Poor Dean. Wins a date with LITA legit, and those damn cock blocker Hardy Boys show up at the hotel room and attack Dean. I FEEL YOUR PAIN MALENKO.
Lol, Jeff flips over the ropes to get in the ring after a tag and he clears about 90% of the bloody ring! That be impressive.
Poor Eddie is the first to be eliminated after LITA gives him a Twist of Fate and Jeff Swantons him.
Kinda odd that they have an elimination tag match on PPV… a month after Survivor Series, the show that used to be based around elimination tag matches. Not the first time they’ve done this, and not the last though. Remember 2010? SummerSlam had that huge 7 on 7 WWE Vs Nexus Elimination Tag Match… then come Survivor Series… nothing. LOL.
Saturn gets eliminated and Terri shows her ass. Malenko rolls up Matt and now its down to Malenko and LTA. LITA in her blue thong and red lipstick. And slutty top that really shows off her tits. Why couldn’t this be an Iron Man match?
LITA holds her own (she can hold mine too if she wants ) against Malenko and very nearly wins, but in the end she taps out to a Cloverleaf.
A nothing match really, but the last part with Malenko Vs LITA was cool, and this match has LITA looking HOT so I liked it .
CAL SCALE – 0
William Regal Vs Hardcore Holly – European Championship Match
2 PPV’s in a row for these 2? Really? Makes sense to happen on this show with Holly being from Alabama, and with Crash winning the title from Regal last week only for Regal to cheat to win it back… but why Survivor Series? Whatevers. Better than a series of Naked Mideon matches.
at Regal calling the arena animal fuckers.
at Lawler making sheep noises throughout the match. I think we just discovered WOOLCOCK’S favourite match.
Lawler asks JR to compare the people from Sheffield (where the UK PPV was the week before) to the people in Alabama, their manners and shit. Uhhh… probably best to NOT open up that can of worms, Lawler .
Raven shows up and DDT’s Holly and Regal gets the win. I… have no idea. At all. No memory of why that happened. This match was eh.
CAL SCALE – 0
Chyna Vs Val Venis
CAL SCALE – -1
IN RING PROMO AT A PPV. YEY. JUST WHAT EVERYONE PAID TO SEE. He doesn’t want the HIAC match to take place in case one of his top stars gets injured and he loses money.
Chris Jericho Vs Kane – Last Man Standing
Again, this feud started over COFFEE.
They managed to surprise me at Survivor Series and had the MOTN there. Can the LMS do just as well? Probably not, but hey, I can hope and shit, right?
Woo, less than 1 minute into the match and they go backstage. And we don’t get a camera in place for about another minute. Yey.
somehow Mideon gets caught up in the brawl and gets smacked about by both guys before they go back to each other.
Urgh. LMS was the worst gimmick they could have given this. Their SS match was great because it was a straight up fucking FIGHT, but the LMS gimmick keeps slowing down the action for those attempted 10 counts. Not to say that ALWAYS ruins a match because Jericho himself had a GREAT LMS match earlier in the year, but it just didn’t work here at all. Should have been a street fight or something. Just let them FIGHT with no pointless rest spots.
Kane takes the worst DDP ever. He just bends over and smashes his hands on the mat then falls over sideways to the mat. Urgh.
I swear Teddy Long’s “6” sounds just like a “10”.
Finish is shitty. They do that whole “drop something heavy to keep the big man down” thing but of course they have to do it in a way that’s safe… but making it safe also makes it look fake as shit. We KNOW Kane isn’t crushed under there because there is a gap the size of Darren Young’s arsehole for Kane to sit in.
Boring, slow, disappointing.
CAL SCALE – 0
HBK AT WWF NEW YORK! He’s talking HIAC.
Edge & Christian Vs The Dudley Boys Vs The Goodfather & Bull Buchanan Vs Road Dogg & K-Kwik – WWF Tag Team Championship Match
at Christian’s face when Road Dogg & K-Kwik come to the ring signing. Pretty much sums up how I felt too.
Super fun spot with Road Dogg doing his Shake, Rattle and Roll punches, at the same time Bubba does his version. They are both about to land the final blow to Edge & Christian respectively, but notice what each other is doing and blast each other in the face instead! E&C cover each guy hoping for a win but they kick out. I like random shit like that. Makes me smile .
Yawn, K-Kwik is the major FIP for this match. He’s as dull in 2000 as is he in 2013. he really hasn’t improved in the slightest over the last 13 years.
Best part of K-Kwik FIP is when he tags out. Not just because he’s not in the match any more, but just how it’s done. He edges over to Road Dogg, but Christian pulls Dogg off the apron to avoid the tag, so K-Kwik ducks under a clothesline from Edge and tags in BUBBA on the other side instead! RTC/Road Dogg & K-Kwik all take each other out on the outside, leaving those damn Dudleys and E&C to go at it for the belts.
I THINK BUBBA’S GOT WOOD… … … ON HIS MIND!
I THINK DEVON’S GOT WOOD IN HIS HAND!
Bubba botched the 3-D.
E&C pick up the win and become tag champs yet again .
This is fun for the most part. Could have done with someone else as the FIP but there was some good shit before then and the whole finishing stretch is super.
CAL SCALE – 1
They show about 5 “HIAC moments” throughout the night to hype the dangers of HIAC… and 3 of them are from the HHH/Cactus match from earlier in the year. Because, you know, they didn’t have any others to use .
Billy Gunn Vs Chris Benoit – Intercontinental Championship Match
Finally, someone with potential on paper. Yeah, a Billy Gunn match with potential. I said it. I wouldn’t call him great but he was decent. And Benoit is fucking BENOIT so a decent opponent for him is like the equivalent of Rock working Flair in his prime. If you get my meaning. I do but I don’t know if I explained it right. Benoit is pretty good.
HE KNOWS WHERE TO TOUCH YOU.
Benoit targets the leg, which even JR questions given that Gunn had shoulder surgery earlier in the year and the Crossface makes use of bad shoulders…
at Gunn botching a tilt a whirl backbreaker. They blame it on the knee but in reality Billy just didn’t catch Benoit properly .
Match overall is… not that good. Benoit works the leg instead of the shoulder, Billy hits all of his power moves and shit despite his leg being worked over, then Benoit wins with the Crossface anyway. This is Malenko working the arm of Rey Mysterio levels of stupidity. And nowhere near as fun because it doesn’t have Rey.
CAL SCALE – 0
Ivory Vs Trish Stratus Vs Molly Holly – WWF Women’s Championship
Yep, triple threat for the women’s title. TRISH TITS. MOLLY TITS. FAP FAP.
Oh yeah, not watching btw . Finlay is still in WCW so the female wrestlers suck still.
CAL SCALE – -1
Kurt Angle Vs The Undertaker Vs Steve Austin Vs Rikishi Vs Triple H Vs The Rock – WWF Championship Hell in a Cell Match
Ahh, the days when they could do multiman matches with everyone involved being credible contenders. Yeah, even Rikishi at the time. Nowadays they struggle to give us a triple threat where all 3 are credible. Sometimes the CHAMPION isn’t credible ffs. But here we have 6 guys. SIX.
Trips still using the evil version of My Time. Undertaker debuts Rollin here I believe. They haven’t quite got the edit down yet though lol.
at JR when talking about The Undertaker: THIS MAN DOESN’T HAVE LIMP BISCUIT LET ME TELL YOU.
BLOODY HELL. Rock was definitely popular as fuck in 2000, no doubt about it, but Austin’s pop was UNREAL and made Rock’s sound like utter silence.
is there something I don’t know about Lloyds of London insurers? Because JR blasts them at one point when they are discussing why McMahon is worried about everyone’s health in the match and it being to do with money and shit. Lawler wonders if even Lloyds of London would insure a HIAC match and JR fires back with some passion that “well sometimes they’re pretty STUPID” .
So for the most part the match is like some weird sex party where everyone switches partners after a while, with only 2 getting to use the bed (the ring, duh. Uhhh… the wrestling ring, that is) at a time.
What is the Rock made of btw? Just curious because any time he hits the mat he just seems to BOUNCE back up. And not in a cool “taking a bump” way… but in a weird “how does that even work” way . It’s like he’s wrestling on a bouncy castle but nobody else is affected by it.
Vince eventually shows up with a truck and rips the door off, then tries to take the rest apart but Foley runs them off. Now the truck, complete with padding in the back is waiting conveniently for NO REASON AT ALL HONEST.
Police take Vince away, as he screams that this is his show and he owns it and shit. Which makes me wonder how Foley is able to do it because, well, Vince is RIGHT lol. He’s the fecking CHAIRMAN of the company, and Foley is just the commissioner of the show. WRESTLING LOGIC~!
With the door now gone, everyone spills out of the HIAC… just because I guess. Results in some cool brawling, along with a great spot where Austin uses a camera to smash HHH’s knee, and we get a replay of it from the actual camera lol. Then Austin’s face gets smashed through a car window. Ha.
PEDIGREE TO THE ROCK ON TOP OF A CAR. Shame Rock sucks at taking a Pedigree lol. Not just on a car either, which I could understand, but he just plain sucks at taking that move.
WWE need to have more interesting stage sets like this again. All the broken cars and barrels and shit everywhere made for some cool MAYHEM (remember that game? Was awesome. Played it to DEATH until Smackdown came out).
HHH climbs the cage to escape Austin, so Austin climbs up the other side. Because, you know, the only place to get away from someone safely is to climb a great height with nowhere else to go. WRESTLING LOGIC~!
Angle has the same thought as he climbs the cage to escape Undertaker. Who is like, THE WORST GUY to have follow you on top of the cell given his history lol. Kurt Angle, Olympic MORON.
Speaking of morons, why on EARTH would Rikishi of all people think that climbing the cage is a good idea. He’s 400+lb, he can barely climb the damn thing, not the best escape plan. PLUS he’s trying to escape THE ROCK. LOL.
Undertaker threatens the time keeper and gets a chair thrown up, while Rock, surprisingly, is the only smart guy in the match as he doesn’t even bother to climb the cage after Rikishi lol.
Does make me laugh that the build up for this match + stuff during the match is all about how Vince is worried about the financial loss if one of his top stars gets injured during this match… and then the guy that DOES take the big bump is… RIKISHI! And everyone is like “eh, he didn’t draw shit so fuck him” . Anyway, padding or not, it was still a pretty awesome bump for a guy the size of Rikishi to take. THE ONLY ONE MAN ENOUGH. Rock wasn’t even man enough to climb to the top. CORWARDLY CUNT. And as a result Rock is the one that gets pinned to end the match and help Angle retain the title. FUCK YOU ROCK.
Tons and tons and tons of fun. 6 guys, everyone with some kind of history with each other aside from Undertaker and Rikishi (until the cell bump in this match lol), all trying to MURDER each other to gain the WWF Title. No complaints from me here. Always did like this match and still do.
CAL SCALE – 5
Overall CAL SCALE – 4