Judgment Day 2001

JUDGMENT DAY IS UPON US!

William Regal Vs Rikishi

Yep, Rikishi is face now. After running Austin over and all that shit not that long ago lol.

But this is wrestling, and apparently one stink face to Stephanie and the fans forgave him for nearly killing their favourite wrestler at the time. And then for trying to do the same to The Rock. But Austin is heel now so who cares about that, right? And Rock isn’t around atm so fuck him too. LET’S ALL CHEER RIKISHI AGAIN YEY!!!

 Regal got SWAG when he avoids being crushed by Rikishi. He does a cocky little dance with a smirk on his face then boots the Kish in the back for good measure.

STINK FACE~! EXTRA SUPER LONG STINK FACE~!

 at Regal’s reaction 

Then Regal gets his head smashed into the steps and a superkick to the face and he his BUSTED WIDE OPEN. Side steps a splash in the corner, hits that cross arm neck breaker thingy and gets the win! Go Regal!

Short, but hilariously fun.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Kurt Angle Vs Chris Benoit – 2 out of 3 Falls Match for Kurt Angle’s Gold Medals – First Fall Pin Only. Second Fall Submission Only. Third Fall Ladder Match

HOLD ON MEDALS COS DADDY’S COMING FOR YA!

DIVING HEADBUTT BY ANGLE! He misses. ANGLE SLAM BY BENOIT! He hits it and gets the win. First fall is over in about 2 minutes lol.

Balls. Benoit no longer has any after Angle SMASHES THEM into the ring post. Ouch. I’d submit from that lol.

Some fun little sequences on the mat as both men go for their signature submissions and keep countering each other.

Angle is a moron for the most part in this fall. Keeps throwing out suplexes and shit. Meanwhile Benoit is constantly trying to apply a submission hold.

WALLS OF JERICHO BY BENOIT~! EPIC FORESHADOWING TO LATER TONIGHT WHEN *SPOILER* BENOIT TEAMS WITH JERICHO~!

What to Benoit and The Miz have in common? THEY BOTH SUCK AT FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCKS. Good GOD, Benoit’s is terrible . It’s so fucked up that when Angle tries to turn it over to apply the pressure to Benoit’s leg… Benoit is still somehow on his back while Angle is on his belly . HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?!?!

So Benoit spends most of the second fall applying different submission holds and always looking for the submission win. Angle hits random suplexes, then an Angle Slam, then the Ankle Lock and Benoit suddenly taps out. Uhhh… what?

Ladder match time. Great advice by Edge earlier. Falling off sucks, so don’t do it!

 Angle gets the shittiest looking ladder ever out. Looks smaller than the average ladder, and looks like some crap they’d pull out from under the ring at a UK PPV (if you remember my 2000 review of either Rebellion or Insurrextion I mentioned how cheap and shitty the weapons looked compared to the standard American ones lol).

Wow, this might be the dullest ladder match ever. Little happened. E&C show up and distract Benoit while Angle gets back his Gold Medals.

2 out of 3 falls it might officially be, but 3 stages of hell it was.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Undertaker threatens Regal and forces him to make the title match tonight No Holds Barred. Now poor Regal has to inform Austin!

Oh hey, Jerry Lynn. He’s the Light Heavyweight Champion. And at WWF New York. He says he should be there defending the title. Don’t think he’s around for much longer. WWF didn’t do SHIT with him.

Test Vs Rhyno Vs The Big Show – Hardcore Championship Match

HARDCORE TITLE MATCH . Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

 Rhyno gets buried by the steel steps.

Rhyno nearly goes through a wall. Awesome. Big Show gets knocked off a ledge and onto a stack of pallets!

With Show taken out, Rhyno and Test get back to the ring and things can get super fun with all the crazy weapons .

Oh shiiiit, Big Show is back! GORE! GORE! GORE!

TRASH CAN LID~!

GORE! GORE! GORE! GORE THROUGH A TRASH CAN! GORE! Big Show is dead. Rhyno retains the title.

Fun match. Not the best hardcore title match we’ll see, but still solid.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 at Regal trying to build up the courage to tell Austin about the NHB stip.

LITA FAP FAP FAP. She’s on the floor with her legs spread and oh GOD FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

Eddie Guerrero shows up. Remember when he was tring to kinda be babyface and friendly with the Hardy Boys? Shame that never went anywhere because… well you know. Drugs and shit.

Regal finally tells Austin. Austin doesn’t give a shit. Regal doesn’t need to have a shit.

Chyna Vs Lita – WWF Women’s Championship Match

“AMAZING OVATION FOR LITA!” Well I’m certainly standing up for her. While sitting down. WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE FAP FAP.

 JR claims that Heyman would look good in the outfit Chyna is wearing, especially in some of the places he does in new York (implying Heyman cross dresses lol). So Heyman without delay says he actually leant Chyna the outfit. God I love Heyman. Not as much as I love LITA.

HUG~! The match starts with a hug.

Fun stuff to start with both trying to outdo the other. And then Chyna decks LITA with an elbow to the face. Ouch.

SPANK ME LITA. Someone stole my sign, I see…

This match all came about because Chyna claimed there was no challenges for her in the women’s division. Lita made a challenge and this match was made. So Chyna keeps showing everyone with her power that yeah, she probably doesn’t have any competition, at least in that department. Lita has to use her speed and unique offence to try and stay in the match and hopefully win the title.

Chyna keeps trying to destroy LITA but LITA is a SURVIVOR and won’t give up, forcing Chyna to keep upping her game.

In the end though, a powerbomb puts an end to Lita’s challenge and Chyna retains her belt .

A good match. I liked it. Chyna isn’t around much longer after this though, and she takes the title with her or something and we don’t see it again until Survivor Series lol.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

Triple H Vs Kane – WWF Intercontinental Championship Chain Match

So a chain match is where both guys are tied together with a chain. Bah, should have been a chain on a pole match . Undertaker gets it. He would have one in a few years time with Brock. BIKER CHAIN (ON A POLE) MATCH~!

HHH attacks Kane before the referee can attach the chain to them. He’s going after the injured arm of Kane, trying to weaken it so he can make sure that it’s THAT arm that the chain is attached to! HHH IS SMRT.

HHH keeps pulling Kane’s chain. Ha.

STEPHANIE looking FAP worthy in a business suit.

Oh man, that’s awesome. HHH grabs a chair, and Kane pulls on the chain and HHH runs into the ring post and the chair bounces off into his face . Now he’s bleeding. BLOOD~!

BIG DADDY DEADMAN. Yet another GOAT sign candidate in the crowd.

Kane is targeting the open wound on HHH’s head . Fuck attacking a limb, GET THE CUT~!

 at the facebuster. HHH just collapses and Kane is bent over too far to make it look like there was any impact.

CHAIN TO THE PENIS. Stephanie does not like that.

 poor Stephanie is crying. I’LL COMFORT YOU. WITH MY PENIS.

Austin! Steel chair to HHH by mistake! 1…2…3! New IC Champion!

So this was good. 2 guys beating each other up with a chain. Sounds perverse when I put it like that lol.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

APA Vs Perry Saturn & Dean Malenko Vs The Dudley Boys Vs X-Factor Vs The Hardy Boys Vs Chris Jericho & Chris Benoit Vs Edge & Christian – Tag Team Turmoil #1 Contendership Match

 APA starting this thing. Wish they’d last and win the entire thing. APA Vs Power Trip? I can fap to that!

SATURN THROWING THE APA AROUND. Then he gets a Spinebuster and is eliminated . APA GO THROUGH!!!

Dudleys Vs APA . Bradshaw Vs Bubba might be a dream hardcore match for me. Bradshaw was the hardcore champ on Raw in 02 during the brand split, and Bubba was a singles guy on Raw at the time too. Anyone know if they had a match? Because if they did, I’m all over that!!!

Man, I wish this was just a tag match between APA and The Dudley Boys. Give all the time just to them. Would have been epic, because it was such a tremendous little match with the time they got .

But what matters the most is that The APA go through again! Thanks to the Holly’s. D-VON THROUGH A TABLE~! CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL TO BUBBA~!

A NEWLY SHAVEN X-PAC. Assuming he means his… beard? Did X-Pac have a beard? I mean, what else could he be talking ab…. EEWWWWWWW.

Bicycle Kick by Albert to Bradshaw. Dammit I hate 2 on 2 X-Factor tags. I always want Albert in the match instead of Justin “far from it” Credible.

Bah, APA are eliminated . They had a good run though. Deserve a title shot for lasting that long imo. Did they have a tag against the Power Trip on a Raw or SD around this time? They seem like the perfect pairing for HHH and Austin to beat to look more credible and legit going up against the BOD.

Hardy’s are in next. Jeff’s balls are crushed. I laugh.

“SAAAWAAANTON”

Jeff takes out Albert with a pretty awesome dive over the ropes, but that leaves poor Matty alone with Justin and X-Pac. SUPERKICK. X-Factor keep on rolling. Also, yes, X-Pac did have a beard and now it’s gone.

Jericho! And his tag team partner… CHRIS BENOIT!!!

Albert has been the best guy in X-Factor in this match lol. Guy is an absolute GAME CHANGER on the outside. He fucking KILLS Jericho right at the start. Meanwhile the referee just sort of looks over and ignore it all .

OH SWEET JEBUS. THAT REF BUMP. HOLY SHIT. I’d bet actual money that Jericho legitimately DECKED the referee with that flying forearm.

Albert continues to make a difference on the outside, jumping Benoit the moment the ref is out. DOUBLE SUPERKICK TO JERICHO! New referee! ONLY A 2 COUNT!

Double suplex to Albert! Double suplex to Credible ONTO Albert! That takes care of the big man. Crossface to Credible, Walls to X-Pac and a double tap out! Man that was a blast. Now it’s the final team, E&C!!! 

“FIGHT IT FIGHT IT FIGHT IT! COME ON, FIGHT IT!” Benoit being awesome on the apron.

Kinda wish Power Trip could have gone on longer. And HHH didn’t tear his quad too obviously. But I would have liked E&C to win this match by cheating or something and getting a shot for the belts. Could have turned them babyface to do it too. Bet that would have been super fun. Not have them win the belts obviously, but would have prolonged the tag run and given other teams the chance to work what could have been some super tag matches. Power Trip Vs E&C, APA, Dudleys, Hardys, BOD, Jericho & Benoit… hell even X-Factor. Could have made for some great TV matches, then maybe save the Jericho & Benoit match for PPV. KOTR might not have had such a terrible main event otherwise. Well unless Benoit’s neck still broke .

Man, this tag match here is going awesomely. Always did love E&C together. They worked really well with just about everyone, but then you have someone like BENOIT for them to go against? Fucks yeah. Jericho too I guess. He was good in all this for sure, even if he’s been iffy from time to time in his career .

Conchairto fails, and Benoit makes Christian tap! Yey! This whole thing was awesome. Not a single pairing failed to be anything less than good. THAT is fucking impressive for a tag team turmoil match. I liked this a TON.

Also, just checked the time of the match on Wiki. 32 minutes? Fuck, that’s awesome. Didn’t feel anywhere near that long either. 

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

Steve Austin Vs The Undertaker – WWF Championship No Holds Barred Match

Loved the build up for this match. The SD episode where Undertaker attacks Austin at ringside with the chain then throws him through a window then attacks him in the ambulance is .

Speaking of … VINCE ON COMMENTARY!!! Vince, Heyman and JR!!! Heyman sucking up to Vince and JR being JR. GOLD.

Undertaker fucking MAULS Austin for like the first 5 minutes. Austin gets NOTHING in.  at the one spot where Austin is against the guardrail and Undertaker is waiting to punch him… and waiting… and waiting… and waiting . Austin takes about 30 seconds to finally turn around and walk into the punch .

Sweet jebus, this is pretty much a fucking SQUASH match for the first 10 minutes . Undertaker is caving in Austin’s face with some AWESOME punches.

 at Undertaker stalking Vince who runs away, while Heyman is screaming “HIDE BEHIND JR, VINCE! HIDE BEHIND JR!”.

That distraction unfortunately causes the Dead Man to lose control of the match, and the WWF Champion can finally get some offence in!

Leg work from Austin is pretty good here. He does kinda sit in a leg hold, but the crowd are hot for the match still and Undertaker is always trying something to escape so it doesn’t get dull.

“HEY HEY HEY, THE SPANISH GUYS ARE OVER THERE! THAT’S MY MONITOR!”  at Heyman while Undertaker is taking apart the announce table. CHOKESLAM THROUGH THE TABLE!!!

MONITOR TO THE FACE OF UNDERTAKER. Big Daddy Deadman is BLEEDING. Austin attacks the cut . Wish he’d give it a chop though. That would take this into GOAT territory.

Austin looking like a fucking psycho while choking Undertaker on the ropes then flipping off the referee is awesome. God I loved his heel run lol. Shame Austin didn’t think highly of it because fuck he was great during this time, and he DID get the crowd to boo the shit out of him 99% of the time. I honestly don’t get how it was in any way a failure.

Oh man, that false finish the the Stunner and the flipping off and the DEFIANCE is epic. Hell, everything from that point makes for a super finishing stretch. HHH, Vince, steel chairs, sledgehammer… overkill? Maybe a tad. Awesome? Fuck yeah. Big chaotic finish to a big chaotic match. Worked perfectly for me. Loved this entire thing.

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

Overall CAL SCALE – 15