No Way Out 2001 Ramblings

Posted on: February 16th, 2014 by Big Cal

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WWF No Way Out 2001

Raven Vs The Big Show – WWF Hardcore Championship Match

:mark:

NINJA WOMEN~! She ties to attack Show on his way to the ring. No luck. Tori is the NINJA WOMEN~! but fuck knows why or what happened to her lol.

WEAPONS~! HARDCORE~! EXTREME~!

Seeing Raven try to knock Big Show off his feet is pretty awesome. Then from out of nowhere a popcorn vender attacks Raven… turns out to be CRASH~!

STEVE “HARDCORE” BLACKMAN~!

BOB “ACTUALLY NICKNAMED HARDCORE” HOLLY~!

KENDO STICK TO BIG SHOW’S HEAD!

BILLY GUNN~! FAMASSER~! NEW HARDCORE CHAMPION~!

THIS IS FUCKING CHAOS AND I LOVE IT!!! :D

Billy don’t get chance to escape with the belt though as the ring is filled with guys desperate (fuck knows why lol) to get their hands on the title!

And then BIG SHOW gets back up. And nobody is safe.

RAVEN WINS BACK THE TITLE!

CRASH FLIES!

NINJA WOMEN IS BACK! MOLLY HOLLY RUNS BEHIND HER AND SMACKS HER IN THE HEAD WITH A TRASH CAN LID!

:lmao Raven MISSES Big Show with a trash can. He MISSED THE WORLD’S LARGEST ATHLETE WITH A BIG FUCK OFF TRASH CAN :lmao.

Chokeslam through the trash can!!! Show wins the title! Gunn tries to get it back but Big Show throws him away. BIG SHOW IS HARDCORE CHAMPION~!

Sweet baby Jebus this is immensely FUN. Look up fun in the dictionary… you’ll get some crappy explanation when really they should just tell you to watch THIS.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

Chris Jericho Vs Eddie Guerrero Vs Chris Benoit Vs X-Pac – WWF Intercontinental Championship Match

Fuck me look at that TALENT.

I like that everyone in this match has had a feud with Jericho in the last year (Eddie not so much, but Jericho injured him so that’s that). Everyone wants to KILL JERICHO :mark:. My money is on Benoit 8*D.

Jericho starts by taking the fight to everyone since they all wanna kill him. The numbers game eventually gets to him though, especially with Benoit and Guerrero working together. BUT FOR HOW LONG? THE SUSPENSE! YAWN. They’ll start fighting soon. They always do. Boring.

Of course with multiple guys in the match, they have to get rid of 2 on the outside so we can have just 2 in the ring at most times. Gives everyone a chance to take on Jericho 1 on 1, and some of it is good (Benoit Vs Jericho mainly)… but I’d have preferred a singles match. Jericho and Eddie probably could have done better in a singles match. They never had a PPV match (except for the UK Insurrextion one anyway), so would have been nice if they got the chance here. The feuds with Benoit and X-Pac were over, but Eddie was just back from being INJURED by Jericho so surely a singles feud SHOULD have happened, right?

Lots of MOVES~! here, which is ok and all I guess. These kind of matches are rarely anything else :p. Makes for a nice finishing stretch at least, which I’d say starts when Justin Credible comes down to help X-Pac. DOUBLE SUPERKICK TO BENOIT :mark:. Love that double move.

FUCKING HELL. I think X-pac might be responsible for Benoit… that fucking KICK. RIGHT IN THE HEAD. That HAD to have fucking hurt.

Jericho rolls X-Pac up while he’s celebrating the KICK OF DOOM and gets the win.

Fun match overall, but I would have still preferred a singles match. Less MOVES~! and more substance would have been nice.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

:lmao at poor Regal trying to make sense of what Vince wants him to do tonight in the STEPHANIE VS TRISH FAP MATCH.

Stephanie McMahon Vs Trish Stratus

FAP FAP FAP FAP FA…. no wait! Must. Concentrate. On. Match.

Why? Because I remember this being GOOD.

Damn Steph looks hot when she’s mad. ANGRY SEX~!

These ladies are trying to destroy each other! Pretty great brawl to start things off! Stephanie takes a bump over the barricade to the CONCRETE like a fucking boss… then gets back up and DECKS TRISH IN THE FACE.

FAP FAP FAP TRISH’S SHORTS HAVE TURNED INTO A THONG.

No no concentrate… concentrate…

Damn, STEPHANIE hitting some pretty stiff shots! MUST AVOID PENIS JOKE.

DDT! Steph takes that better than half the guys! Or at the very least, Kane. Kane CANNOT take face/head bumps. He just can’t. Seriously. Watch him any time he has to take a DDT, or an RKO, or a Bulldog. HE CANNOT DO IT. He just sticks his arms down and bounces off them with his head about 2 feet off the floor.

HATE~! Fucking plenty of HATE~! in this :mark:.

WET T-SHIRT! WET T-SHIRT!

OH SHIT HURRICANRANA COUNTERED INTO A POWERBOMB!

STEPHANIE PULLS DOWN TRISH’S SHORTS, REVEALS A THONG AND SPANKS HER!!! STEPHANIE IS TRYING TO STRIP TRISH!!!

Both ladies charge at each other and take each other out. So Regal shows up, takes down the referee and… places Trish on top of Stephanie… then when the ref starts counting he puts Stephanie’s foot on the ropes! He doesn’t have a clue what to do :lmao. Trish slaps him, so he retaliates with his cross arm neckbreaker! STEPHANIE GETS THE WIN!

This is legitimately GOOD. Hot as fuck too. But most importantly GOOD.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

:lmao Vince absolutely verbally destroys Regal backstage for not doing what he wanted. TAG MATCH MADE FOR RAW. Where Vince turns on Trish… yet somehow they stay together until WM. LOL.

Triple H Vs Steve Austin – 3 Stages of Hell Match – 1st Fall = Singles Match. 2nd Fall = Street Fight. 3rd Fall = Cage Match

As far as actual feuds go, this was pretty damn AWESOME. A ton of great moments from both guys screwing each other out of the WWF Title, to the awesome contract signing, to Austin Stunning STEPHANIE. One of the best examples of a pure HATE~! filled feud. Just a shame their matches were never on par with the feud. Their Survivor Series 00 match sucked, and I am not a big fan of this one either. Maybe things will change.

Starts off good at least :). The first fall might be a straight up “wrestling” match, but Austin comes out swinging and is determined to maul HHH to death… just within the rules of a regular match lol.

Austin ends up targeting HHH’s arm fairly quickly, and it hinders HHH quickly as it prevents him potentially landing a Pedigree and ending the first fall.

WORST ARN ANDERSON SPINEBUSTER EVER. By Austin.

HHH targets Austin’s neck. And then decides to throw him into the corner and kick him in the gut a few times. And then chop blocks his knee. MAKE UP YOUR FECKING MIND.

Ok, seems HHH has settled on leg work now. FIGURE FOUR. Hey Miz, THIS is a figure four. For the love of god take notes or something. Please.

Leg work? WHAT LEG WORK? Austin literally IGNORES IT straight away. Stunner and he wins the first fall. Wow, that was completely uneventful and forgettable.

Street fight time.

MONITOR SHOT TO HHH’S FACE. And then for some reason Austin decides to throw a bunch of chairs in the ring (why he needs more than 1 I’ll never know lol), and that gives HHH time to recover… and escape :p. YEY BRAWLING IN THE CROWD… thank fuck they get back to the ring pretty quickly.

Back to the ring and Austin continues his HATE~! filled rampage by mauling HHH with a chair, similar to what he did to Rock at WM. A month later. Totally just realised half way into that sentence that this is BEFORE WM 17 :p.

And then, after beating HHH up with ONE chair… he grabs the ring bell. Why not just like… keep using the chair? Or another chair? You have 3 of the fuckers there. Why waste ANY TIME going for the ring bell when you clearly aren’t in short supply of fucking weapons?

2×4 wrapped in barbed wire shows up… and honestly it’s reveal is RANDOM AS SHIT. Now, if Austin went for that instead of the ring bell, it would have been fine. “Steel chair? Nah, not enough… I’ll get a fucking 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire!” That would have been cool. But no. “Steel chair? Nah, not good enough. Steel ring bell!” Then he doesn’t even USE the ring bell, ends up back by the timekeepers table and randomly seems to find the 2×4. Just baffles me tbh.

But that small ( :side: ) annoyance aside, at least they are keeping up with the HATE~! part of the match. Austin gets busted open, HHH gets put through a table. They are at least trying to kill each other… just not very efficiently. Man, does anyone know how to commit murder properly? Do I gotta show em how it’s done?

The SLEGDEHAMMER reveal is at least done better. They spend a while trying to kill each other in the ring using the ring bell and the chairs, then the steel steps come out, but neither of them can put the other away… so HHH goes over to the announce table that isn’t broke and reaches under to pull out his trusty weapon! THIS is HHH’s big game changer, and after fighting with Austin to actually use it, it takes one shot to the head to put Austin down long enough for HHH to hit the Pedigree and get the second fall win.

That fall was actually mostly really good. Definitely came across better than the last time I saw it. Shame the first fall had to happen, because honestly it was just pure shite, and serves absolutely NO PURPOSE to the match. I swear it’s just there so Austin could pin HHH (and pin him first) so he doesn’t look a total jobber when he loses to HHH twice going into WM.

Cage match time! BARBED WIRE TO THE FACE. OF BOTH MEN. :mark:

So this is kinda boring tbh. Just standard stuff for the most part. At least they do a pretty damn good job of selling the effects of the street fight. Austin’s Stunner is awesome. He turns around pretty slowly and then just kinda falls forward and it actually looks really cool how it’s done.

Finish is what it is. Both hit each other in the face with weapons, and HHH is the lucky one who happens to land on Austin. Gives HHH the win, keeps Austin strong in defeat going into WM. I’m fine with it tbh.

Overall… this match isn’t great. It’s not some big all time classic, it’s not MOTY, it’s not a MOTYC. It’s GOOD, but nothing more. The first fall shouldn’t have happened at all. Was a complete and utter waste of time that adds NOTHING to the match. The street fight is mostly really good, albeit with a couple of flaws. Cage is kinda dull but it does have its moments. All of it combined gives us a good match, but not one I’m looking to re-watch any time in the next decade.

My rating stays the same as before, but I ended up liking and disliking different thing compared to last time that evened out and kept the rating the same lol.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

Steven Richards Vs Jerry Lawler – If Lawer wins, The Kat gets naked. If Steven wins, The Kat joins RTC

THE FAP FAP KAT.

:lmao at Richards doing a HO TRAIN.

10 punched in the corner? Nah. TWENTY SIX~! King really wants Kat to get naked! Then again he probably doesn’t care if he wins or not cos HE HITTING THAT.

Really, really shitty finish, and Steven Richards wins. Kat leaves the company soon after and Lawler goes with her.

Bad.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

The Dudley Boys Vs Edge & Christian Vs The Undertaker & Kane – WWF Tag Team Championship Tables Match

E&C are stuck in the middle of the ramp way between Undertaker & Kane and those DAMN DUDLEYS. So they bail over the sides of the ramp and let the other 2 teams go at it. Which results in both Dudley Boys getting thrown off the ramp to the floor :lmao.

UNDERTAKER AND KANE ARE ON FIRE. WELL, BAD CHOICE OF WORDS. SORRY KANE.

Fans chant “WE WANT TABLES” during a tables match. Bit redundant, is it not? You gonna get tables. It’s the whole point of the match. You don’t chant “WE WANT PINFALLS” during a singles match, do you? No. So shut the fuck up.

“BUBBA’S CUMMING!”

STEREO TOP ROPE CLOTHESLINES~!

Undertaker and Kane pretty much DOMINATE this match, forcing the other 2 teams to try and work together, but damn, BOD are just killing em.

Just as it looks like they are gonna win the tag belts… RIKISHI AND HAKU (MENG) SHOW UP! They battle up the rampway, allowing The Dudley Boys to get the win inside the ring.

This is fun, not much more though.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Kurt Angle Vs The Rock – WWF Championship Match

Fuck me, 10 minutes into this one and I’ve had NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT. They’ve just gone back and forth with some moves.

Then Big Show comes out and fucks everyone up. Kinda like he did at Battleground :lmao. Except they decide to just like, get a new referee out here to keep the match going.

:lmao at Hebner. He and Tim White come down to help their fallen referee, but then Hebner spots Angle covering Rock and LETS GO of the other ref, leaving him and Tim White to fall down, so he can count to 2 :p.

They hit some finishers. Hebner kinda I think screws up the count after a Rock Bottom so he has to hit another. Rock wins the title.

Good GOD this match is just… empty. Nothing there. It’s just a bunch of stuff.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

Overall CAL SCALE – 7.5

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