SummerSlam 2001 Ramblings

Posted on: March 2nd, 2014 by Big Cal

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WWF SummerSlam 2001

 

LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR~!

 

Lance Storm Vs Edge – WWF Intercontinental Championship Match

So this would be Storm’s first and ONLY singles match on PPV during his entire time in WWF!

If I could be serious for a minute… I wish Albert was still the IC champ. ALBERT in singles matches in PPV for the IC title would have been :mark:. Instead Edge ends up winning this (OMG SPOILER) and goes on to have a pretty shitty reign until Christian wins it and does the same until Edge wins it back and does the same until REGAL gets involved.

I *think* the fans chant “Lance Storm Sucks” but honestly it sounds like “Angle Sucks” instead :lmao.

Solid work on the mid-section by Mr Storm. Edge is selling it well for now. We shall see how he does towards the end of the match lol.

Huh, Storm seems to be focusing on the back of Edge now. Eh, all kinda the same. Still the middle of Edge’s body, and both sides getting attacked will help Storm with his HALF BOSTON CRAP submission.

CHRIS BENOIT MENTION~!

Nice counter by Edge hitting a powerslam off a Crossbody attempt. Was done in a way that was completely believable given where Storm has been working Edge over too. Was less power and catching storm and more of just using Storm’s momentum against him.

HALF BOSTON CRAB was applied awesomely. He slid under Edge and rolled into it :mark:.

SPEAR TO EDGE BY CHRISTIAN! SUPERKICK TO CHRISTIAN BY STORM! Storm covers Edge, but a SPEAR to injured mid-section still ain’t enough to put him away. DDT and Edge wins the belt.

Fun opener, and we gots a new IC champ. Decent match, but I’ve seen ***1/2 ratings for this over the years and I honestly don’t understand them lol.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Test cuts a pretty good promo. Love how he’s the heel because the WWF TURNED ON HIM essentially forcing him to join the Alliance. HE’S THE FECKING BABYFACE lol. Ah well.

Jericho and LILLIAN FAP FAP. Talking about STEPHANIE FAP FAP and all the times she’s had sex.

 

The APA & Spike Dudley Vs The Dudley Boys & Test

:mark: APA on PPV.

Back suplex into a neckbreaker is busted out about 30 seconds into the match lol, and WELL DONE to the crowd for NOT screaming “THREEEEE DEEEEE” like retards.

:mark: Dudleys and APA just beat the shit out of each other for the first few minutes. We definitely needed a big tag title match on PPV between those two teams during this time.

Spike tags in and I am disappointed… then he takes on EPIC flapjack onto the ropes and I end up smiling :).

Table gets set up on the outside and Test teases launching Spike over the ropes though it :mark:. But Spike counters and nobody goes through it :(.

Hot tag to Bradshaw :mark:. Absolutely RUNS OVER Test :mark:. Sweet JEBUS at the big boot to D-Von!

BIG BRAWL BETWEEN EVERYONE :mark:. POWERBOMB TO TEST~!

Spike back in the ring and :mark: he gets launched through the table anyway!!!!

CLOTHESLINE FROM MOTHERFUCKING HELL~!

Shane with a chair shot to Bradshaw! Test and The Dudleys get the win.

:mark: So this is uber fun.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

SEEDS OF A CHRISTIAN HEEL TURN~!

SHAWN STASIAK~! He walks in on Debra. Sadly she is fully clothed and just randomly stood about. She tells him to go impressive Austin by KICKING SOME BUTT.

 

Tajiri Vs X-Pac – WWF Lightheavyweight & WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match

Title for title match :mark:.

TAJIRI :mark:.

X-PAC :mark:.

Always found it odd that they never put X-Pac in the Alliance. He was in WCW for a period, and he’s still getting treated as a heel despite being on Team WWF, and he wrestled other WWF guys on PPV during this time anyway lol.

You know that spot where someone uses the ropes to do a backflip out of an armlock or something? I hate it. Here however, they do it in the middle of the ring… with X-Pac grabbing hold of the REFEREE in place of the ropes!!! :mark:

:lmao X-Pac takes down Tajiri and slaps his head like a cocky cunt, then when he stand up to celebrate Tajiri sweeps his legs and does the same :D.

Tajiri’s nuts meet the ringpost, and X-Pac follows it up with a STIFF kick to his back which he’s still balls deep in the ring post :mark:.

SURFBOARD~! X-Pac doesn’t quite get the balance right and Tajiri starts falling to the side, so X-Pac just rolls through and goes right back into another surfboard! Looks damn impressive and was a pretty awesome save lol.

KICKS~!

:lmao Tajiri is about to climb the ropes, and he screams something in JAPANESE~! and the fans just POP despite the fact they have no idea what he said :lmao. EVERYONE LOVE TAJIRI!!!

FUCK ME at that German. Eat you heart out, Angle! Hell, you too Benoit!

LOVE how these 2 are going ALL OUT yet still managing to sell the effects of what they are doing.

ALBERT~!

RED MIST TO ALBERT’S FACE~!

X-FACTOR~!

X-PAC WINS~!

:mark: This rules the world. Gets a rating of SID.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

PERRY SATURN at WWF new York. Moppy has been kidnapped :(.

SETPHANIE FAP FAP FAP OH GOD A TIGHT PVC OUTFIT FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP. She motivates Rhyno.

 

Chris Jericho Vs Rhyno

:mark:

:mark: STEPHANIE AT RINGSIDE FOR THE MATCH FAP.

So Jericho has never beaten Rhyno, making Rhyno the PERFECT opponent for STEPHANIE to put against him.

:lmao at STEPHANIE sneaking up on Jericho on the apron to prevent him from diving off the ropes. He kicks her away, but Rhyno had enough time to recover, so when Jericho DOES make the dive…

GORE! GORE! GOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEE!!!! Rhyno catches Jericho coming off the top rope to the outside with a GORE!!!!! :mark: FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP :mark:.

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Put this isn’t falls count anywhere, so by the time Rhyno gets Jericho in the ring he is able to kick out at 2. Then gets SLAPPED TO HELL by STEPHANIE.

Rhyno knows the GORE fucked up Jericho’s ribs, and seeing a guy with legs that THICK apply a body scissors prevents that typical rest hold from being boring because damn, that GOTTA hurt.

AEROPLANE SPIN~!

FLYING RHYNO~!

Good GOD at that Lionsault. It was… kinda botched but Rhyno was in a good position to still catch Rhyno and my god it actually looked AWESOME. Legitimately AWESOME.

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Jericho is building momentum and nearly gets the win, but STEPHANIE distracts the referee, and Jericho KISSES HER. Lucky bastard!

LIONSAULT~! RYHNO KICKS OUT!!!

RHYNO IS THE CURE OF JERICHOHOLISM~!

What a Spinebusters by Rhyno! Walls of Jericho used on Jericho! Everything Rhyno does hurts those ribs of Jericho more and more!

A belly to belly from the MAN BEAST, and he’s ready for another GORE! Jericho moves, locks in the Walls, and Rhyno is defeated.

Kinda wish Rhyno had won lol, but damn this match is tremendous!!!

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Regal backstage with The Rock. Regal wants to see if Rock is well enough to wrestle tonight. Unfortunately he is. :lmao at Stasiak running at them in the middle of the whole thing, only to miss and smash into a metal shutter.

 

Rob Van Dam Vs Jeff Hardy – WWF Hardcore Championship Ladder Match

Urgh. I remember this being a pile of garbage.

For 2 guys who are as athletically gifted, they sure do fuck up a bunch of basic flips in the early going :lmao.

“FUCK HIM UP RVD. FUCK HIM UP. FUCK HIM UP!” :lmao fans are awesome.

What the feck was that? RVD is pissing about with a ladder, Hardy is behind him and instead of say, kicking him in the back of the head… Jeff decides to dive BACK FIRST onto the ladder to knock it back into RVD. HURTING HIMSELF. Why? Made Jeff look like a fucking retard. Then again I suppose that’s his gimmick, right?

A couple of cool spots involving the ladder kinda make up for some of the utter DUMB SHIT in the early going lol. And everything comes from RVD. I wish this had just been a normal Hardcore title match like Invasion. That was awesome.

:mark: RVD launches himself off the ropes right into Jeff who is trying to climb the ladder. Looked more like a crazy collision rather than lightly tapping him with a kick or something like we tend to see in ladder matches that replicate that spot.

And then RVD does dumb shit. He puts the ladder ON TOP of Jeff then does a moonsault onto it. HURTING HIMSELF. Moron. PUT THE LADDER UNDER JEFF AND DO THE SAME MOVE. IT’LL HURT HIM AND NOT YOU.

:lmao Hardy tries to do the same as RVD did earlier by coming off the ropes and knocking Van Dam off the ladder. Was a shitty dropkick spot like I’m used to seeing… except it ended with RVD LANDING ON JEFF’S LEGS and fucking him up :lmao.

DAMN. Awesome DDT. RVD knows how to take a DDT.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you exhibit a, which demonstrates perhaps the world’s DUMBEST spot ever:

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FACEPALM~!

RVD wins the title. Hate this. Even the couple of good spots can’t help it. Just pure SHITE.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Shane O’Mac made Booker T some BOOK ENDS out of the announce table that Booker T BOOK ENDED Rock through on Smackdown.

 

The Undertaker & Kane Vs DDP & Kanyon – WWF & WCW Tag Team Championship Cage Match

:mark: YEAH I’M EXCITED ABOUT WATCHING THIS MATCH SO WHAT?

Gotta feel sorry for Teddy Long. He’s stuck on the OUTSIDE for this tag match :(.

DDP and Kanyon try to escape the cage the second the bell rings. Nah. They gotta take a BEATING before they can leave this cage.

UNDERTAKER :mark:. He’s getting his face CAVED IN by Page and you can hear him scream “COME ON!” to try and get Page to give him his absolute best. Then Undertaker absorbs the shots and goes to town on the man who stalked his wife.

LOW BLOW. And Page actually gains some offence in on the Dead Man! Then gets a boot to the face :lmao.

Kanyon does a good job both taking a beating from Kane and even getting some offence in on the Big Red Machine. He takes on hell of a bump from a powerbomb position into the corner of the cage.

Oh man, Undertaker nearly puts DDP THROUGH THE FUCKING CAGE with a couple of running splashes and then a big boot. Then he goes to the well once too often and KANYON comes off the ropes and shoulder tackles Undertaker right to hell! Kanyon continues to take on BOD ALONE and sends Kane head first to the mat with his knee right in the back of his head!

:mark: STEREO SIT UP~!

Undertaker then tells Kane to LET KANYON GO. So Kanyon escapes the cage… LEAVING DDP ALONE WITH UNDERTAKER AND KANE! AND A FUCKING CHAIN!!!

Now it’s time for Page to pay!!! He gets absolutely annihilated by the Brothers of Destruction, as you might expect

:lmao at Undertaker playing mindgames with Page. Tells him he can escape the cage, on the condition that he doesn’t come near Sara again. Page thinks he’s caught a break, gets half way over the cage and then Undertaker drags him back in and kills him :lmao.

:lmao at Kane looking all bad ass just sitting in the corner of the cage watching Page get killed.

So this is a squash match essentially. And it’s fucking AWESOME. It was EXACTLY how this match needed to go down. DDP and Kanyon had fucked with Undertaker’s family. His WIFE. And now they were stuck inside a STEEL CAGE with two SEVEN FOOT MONSTERS. Who the FUCK expected them to have a competitive match?

Loved every minute of this.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

:lmao Stasiak again tries to take Rock out only to fly into an object. He makes Rock segments interesting!

 

Steve Austin Vs Kurt Angle – WWF Championship Match

:mark: FAP FAP FAP :mark:

Talk about a big fight feel! Angle stood at the bottom of the ramp, Austin at the top, both men just staring at each other, then making a move, meeting in the middle to exchange blows!

Austin works over the leg and ankle of Angle early on, due to him trying to break it during the build up for this match. :mark: at Angle using his leg strength to counter it and go for an Ankle Lock, but as he turns out of the leg hold Austin has on you can hear him SCREAM IN PAIN as he does it. Just one of those little things that can really make a difference.

The multiple German Suplex spot is :mark: too. Austin makes Angle really work to hit them all. Angle goes for an Angle Slam and damn, Austin’s survival instant or something kicks in and he does an awesome sequence of a thumb to the eye then a knee to the back of the ribs which sends Angle face first into the second turnbuckle lol.

STUNNER~! Kinda comes out of nowhere and pretty early on into the match, but adds a lot to the story of the match with Angle kicking out and Austin wondering what he has to do to win. He’s fucked off that Angle kicked out and levels Angle with ANOTHER Stunner, but Angle falls to the outside. That shit ain’t gonna do. How DARE Angle not only kick out of a Stunner, but take another and FALL OUT OF THE RING? That bastard should have taken the Stunner and stayed in the ring so Austin could PIN him. How does Austin react? With a number of BRUTAL ring post shots, sending Angle face first into the ring post again and again and again, busting the Olympic Hero wide open! Austin is a man possessed!

Angle is getting his arse absolutely kicked. Great selling of all the ring post shots followed by the right hands from Austin. He looks totally OUT OF IT. Austin finally throws him into the ring…1…2… KICK OUT! Angle is not giving up!

Austin is even more pissed now. Back to the outside and MORE ring post shots to Angle’s head. He’s bleeding, he’s battered but by god he isn’t BEATEN yet.

Oh man :mark:. Angle is bleeding like mad but still locks in the Ankle Lock while Austin is on the barricade. He looks like a fucking LUNATIC in the best way possible. Then he fucking DRAGS Austin into the ring by the Ankle to apply the hold there, and Austin is desperately trying to hold on to everything to prevent going inside the ring where he can LOSE the WWF title should he tap! :mark:

MOONSAULT~! ANGLE LANDED THE MOONSAULT! He’s pulling out everything here to bring back the WWF title to its rightful company!

MILLION DOLLAR DREAM~! Angle isn’t the only one pulling out everything in this match! He’s already survived 2 Stunners and multiple head shots to the ring post, so Austin needs to dig deep into the well and drag out whatever he can. SURVIVOR SERIES 1996 FINISH TEASE~!

LOVE how Angle escapes the hold too. The arm drops twice, then the third time he manages to hand on and JUST gets enough energy back to make a beeline to the ropes and send Austin to the outside! None of this standing up and punching bullshit then making a comeback. He literally used EVERYTHING HE HAD to just get to the ropes and send Austin out.

STUNNER~! KICK OUT!!! Austin waits for him to stand up again, slaps him in the face and tries again, only for Angle to counter into an Angle Slam!!! :mark:

Angle is bleeding, he’s kicked out of numerous Stunners and he’s STILL coming back! Austin knows he CANNOT beat Angle now, so he decks Earl Hebner! Another referee comes out, and Austin hits a low blow on Angle then Stuns the new referee! He just wants, no, he NEEDS this match to be over dammit! Tim White shows up and ends up getting decked with the title belt. ANGLE SLAM! Austin is OUT! Nick Patrick runs down… and rings the bell! Austin has been DQ’d!

:mark: This match is just perfect. Even the DQ finish is incredible. Austin COULDN’T BEAT Angle clean, so he did whatever he could to simple end the match while still keeping his title. Both men were INCREDIBLE in this match. Everything about it is INCREDIBLE. I’m doing it.

Rating: *****
CAL SCALE – 9

 

Booker T Vs The Rock – WCW Championship Match

Urgh. We got from an incredible Austin/Angle match for the WWF Title… to Booker T Vs The Rock. What a load of bull.

:lmao at the poor camera man getting wiped out when Rock decides “fuck Booker T I’m going after Shane”.

Rock hits a BLATANT low blow on Booker T… and the WCW ref does nothing? Kinda odd given what just happened in the previous match.

So like the handicap match a month later, SHANE is the best part of this. And he ain’t even IN THE MATCH. Distracting the referee, getting knocked on his arse by Rock and STILL counting along with the referee when Booker goes for a cover, then manipulating the referee to concentrate on a steel chair while he blasts Rock in the head with the WCW title. Oh, and then he takes one EPIC Clothesline from Hell after the APA come down to get some revenge for earlier!!! And if that wasn’t enough he even takes a ROCK BOTTOM on the floor!

At some point Rock wins the title. Whatever. Match is a giant load of bugger all outside of SHANE.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 23

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