Insurrextion 2003

 

Last UK only PPV. No surprise really because they usually always sucked. We would eventually get TV tapings over here so it’s all good.

 

Trish Stratus Vs Jazz – WWE Women’s Championship Match

First match and I’m already going NO. Good start!

Rating: NO

CAL SCALE – -1

 

Christian Vs Booker T – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

Oh god. I really wanna skip this match because I remember being bored to fucking tears back in 03 when this seemingly never ending feud was going on. I swear my memory of these two is of them having about 10 fucking matches in a row . Likely not the case, but that’s how it felt. I was not, and still aren’t, a fan of Booker T. However, I DO love Christian. I wasn’t fond of him back then though, it took his WM match with Jericho for me to jump on the “bandwagon”. So I’ll give this a watch to see if Christian was good back in 03 too. Maybe he can pull something half decent out of the useless Booker T.

Fucks sake, that terrible Booker T theme dub again.

 starting writing this on Jan 17th 2014. It’s now March 3rd 2014 and I’m only just getting back to the show. The thought of sitting through a Booker T match killed me for 2 months .

 I just looked at the first match to remind myself what happened… and I didn’t even watch it . Taken me 2 months to even begin watching ONE match .

Booker slams Christian around early on, then Christian uhhh… somehow gets in control and I genuinely don’t remember how and fuck going back and watching it again lol. Yey sleeper hold… exciting…

Ha, Booker crotched himself on the ropes. Now maybe Christian can get some good shizzle in and… rest hold. Fucks sake. 09-current Christian would probably disown this Christian.

Fuck me this match is basically just Booker T dominating Christian, Christian getting about 2 rest holds in and then MOVES until Christian cheats to win. It wasn’t horrible to watch because at least they were always doing something… but it wasn’t good.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Austin books Teddy in a 6 man tag. Kane randomly walks up from behind and uhhhh… they stare at each other and Austin asks if he has a problem with him.

 

Kane & RVD Vs La Resistance – World Tag Team Championship Match

Oh, so that’s why the Kane/Austin staredown happened. Austin tried to motivate Kane into being a monster again on Raw, but it didn’t work so he Stunned him lol.

“These two guys look like they dressed in Elton John’s closet”  JR rules.

“We hate Frenchies” chant . AWESOME.

This match was basic as basic gets. RVD shows up the young uns early on, then they get the advantage. Control for a while doing absolutely nothing noteworthy, then a hot tag to Kane and the finish.

Rating: *1/2
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Al Snow is a backstage interviewer apparently. The fuck? Goldust .  it’s his crazy spaz days. Awesome.

 

Rico Vs Goldust

 I’m actually looking forward to this match. GOLDUST .

“You Screwed Bret” for about 4 fans  poor Earl.

Some nice kicks by Rico! Loved the spot where he smacks Goldust in the back of the head and Goldust falls against the ropes, but comes flying back with a LARIAT .

 slap exchanges .

Rico is an odd one here. No, not his gimmick lol. He shows signs of being a really good worker… then seconds later he can look more lost than the passengers of Oceanic 815. Makes for an odd match lol.

 JR loves Pussy Galore.

Goldust sets up for the… shit, I can’t remember the damn name of it lol. SHATTERED DREAMS. There we go. The ref gets in the way so Goldust just casually puts his arm around him and walks him to the other side of the ring .

Quick powerslam from Goldie gets the win!!!

This was fun. Had some ups and downs but I liked it overall. Might end up being MOTN .

Rating: **1/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

HIGHLIGHT REEL TIME . I see they couldn’t afford to ship over his set . Just a small bit of red material on the mat and 2 shitty stools . Ha, shitty stools.

Jericho berates Newcastle . Bischoff is his guest on the show. God I miss Bischoff’s theme song. Was awesome. At least I own that Anthology CD set with it on .

Let’s sum up this segment up to the point Austin shows up:

Tossers

Football

Fish & Chips

Bad Teeth

Mad Cow Disease

Gotta love (aka bored to absolute death of) those generic English references lol. Damn fat stupid yanks can’t come up with anything new  .

 Austin claims they are ruining a perfectly good PPV. Ummmm, fairly certain this segment is the highlight of the night lol. All 3 guys go back and forth with each other and involve the crowd and all demonstrate some great mic work. Me likely.

 

The Dudley Boys Vs Christopher Nowenski, Rodney Mack & Teddy Long

BACK THE MACK~!

 Teddy looks like he’s about to cry stood on the apron .

Oh fuck me D-von and Mack going back and forth with quick pin exchanges to start and fuck me it looks AWFUL. Sloppy execution of basic fucking roll ups and they even look like they are half arsing kick outs .

 Nowenski gets tagged in and D-Von continues to be awful with a DREADFUL small package. Yes, D-Von’s small package is dreadful .

TEDDY LONG VS SPIKE DUDLEY . Battle of the skinny arms!!!

Boring stuff, hot tag and The Dudley’s start dominating and attempt to bring out the tables. Spike ends up alone with Teddy and wins. Yawnathon.

Nowenski goes through a table after the match to make the fans happy as per usual.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Test Vs Scott Steiner – Special Guest RefereeVal Venis

 oh god no.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Triple H Vs Kevin Nash – World Heavyweight Championship Street Fight

 they just show the video package for BAD BLOOD rather than making one for Insurrextion like they normally would. So the video is hyping up a HIAC match but we only get a street fight .

HBShizzle at ringside with Nash. Flair with HHH.

 2 minutes into this match and FLAIR is bleeding. Yes. Flair. The Manager . HHH and Nash are having a shitty brawl on one side and HBK/Flair are taking all the attention away from them .

LOL, referees try to break up HBK/Flair, so Nash just shoves them all out of the way and lets them go at it again, but they end up buggering off backstage and we are stuck with just HHH and Nash .

 HHH and Nash are at the top of the ramp. Now if only they could fuck off backstage too… .

HHH gets flashbacks of JD (I think?) as Nash attempts to put him through the announce table, and manages to escape without that happening again. GOD FORBID SOMETHING EXCITING HAPPENS IN THIS MATCH HUH HHH?

Oh hey, look over there, it’s HHH clearly blading! 

 my version of the show just died on me . I SHOULD take it as a sign, but eh, I’ve come this far I might as well finish it. Better be on the Youtube or something…

Ok found it on Dailymotion. Yey…

Ref bump in a street fight, is there ANY FUCKING POINT lol?

Flair! Chair! Boot to his face!

HHH decks Nash in the head with the chair. Another ref but Nash kicks out. Urgh, this is still going lol.

Double team to Nash until HBK shows up once again. SUPERKICK TO FLAIR~!

PEDIGREE TO HBK~!

JACKKNIFE TO HHH~! But Earl is dead and the other ref got taken out by HHH so Nash just covers HHH until MINI FLAIR shows up and… gets attacks by BIG FLAIR .

Nash and Flair go at it allowing HHH to recover and deck Nash with the Sledgehammer. Earl finally wakes up and thank fuck this is done.

Best parts of this match involved 2 people who weren’t even in the damn thing .

What a terrible “PPV”.

Rating: *1/2
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Overall CAL SCALE – -0.5