Judgment Day 2003
ARE YOU READY TO ACCEPT YOUR FATE?
And our fate is apparently having the PPV open with… and in ring segment. Because they don’t have enough time on Raw and SD every week to talk…
So Austin comes out and tells us he’s not gonna take up much time because this show isn’t about him, it’s about the matches. Yet he took the time to come out to the ring to tell us… he’s watching the show in a skybox. I see why that was needed…
John Cena & The FBI Vs Chris Benoit, Rhyno & Spanky
Cena on the first match of the night. The fuck was the last time we saw that on a PPV? Liked his promo though, plenty of MAFIA references.
Cena getting beat up by Spanky. I miss the FBI, wish they’d done more with them. A full blown MAFIA group in wrestling should be the most awesome thing ever, but they always end up turning them into a joke (WCW did it, then WWE did it). Remember their WCW theme? A knock off of the Godfather theme, and it was awesome . Also liked the FBI’s WWE theme… but not the one from this event. Not sure when they got it but it was awesome.
Oh man, Palumbo with a big ass cigar in his mouth while beating down Spanky early on is .
HOT TAG TO BENOIT~! Benoit fucking murdering bitches. Uhhhh, poor phrasing . GORE! GORE! GORE TO NUNZIO (who isn’t in the match)!!!
Match has quickly turned into a crazy all out MAFIA WAR.
KISS OF DEATH TO SPANKY, and he gets pinned while Benoit is busy applying the Crossface to Cena and Rhyno is… laying around or something.
Damn, this was SHORT, but awesomely fun. Spanky bleeding below the eye added to it too right at the end.
CAL SCALE – 1
Austin in his skybox, Bischoff shows up and wonders what’s going on. The skybox is for both of them. So they decide to watch the show together.
Test & Scott Steiner Vs La Resistance
no chance in fucking HELL.
CAL SCALE – -1
Gegory Helms and Mr America backstage accusing each other of being someone else. Nah, I don’t buy it .
EDDIE GUERRERO . Revealing his new tag partner while Chavo is… I don’t care, Chavo ain’t around and that’s awesome. Even more awesome that TAJIRI is his new partner .
Team Angle Vs Eddie Guerrero & Tajiri – WWE Tag Team Championship Ladder match
Chavo apparently tore his bicept during the tour of England. Hmmmm… I was at a show during that very tour… YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING .
Sweet jebus Eddie nearly kills himself running into a ladder right at the start of the match lol! And the ladder falls down and almost levels a fan!!!
THE FUCK WAS THAT? Not really that funny, Tajiri nearly killed himself with a botched… something over the ropes, then Eddie goes for a plancha and… uhhh… Shelton just kinda ignores him and Eddie looks hurt too.
Ladder pointed at Charlie’s balls… Eddie and Tajiri dropkick one side of the ladder each. SQUASH~!
Hi-Lo to Hass who is in a ladder sandwhich. Mmmmmm… ladder sandwhich.
POWER SLAM INTO THE LADDER. Eddie looks like he’s dead.
HOLY FUCK . Team Angle doing their double team move using ladders . Did they name the move? Because I can’t be fucked describing it lol.
TAJIRI KICKS .
Oh man that monkey flip spot . Awesome.
Shelton is basically feeling up Eddie’s ass while trying to prevent him from climbing the ladder. Perve. Tajiri shoots his green mist in his eyes as punishment .
NEW TAG CHAMPS!!! EDDIE AND TAJIRI WIN!!!
This is a fuck load of fun. I understand why it’s kind of a forgotten ladder match that never really gets brought up though. It’s fun but nothing special. Only really one unique spot and some of the match is all over the place but that could work for the match with the story being that Team Angle are PURE WRASSLERS and not sure how to have a ladder match.
CAL SCALE – 2
More Austin and Bischoff stuff. Austin seems to be making Eric eat crappy food and drink beer.
Terri’s tits are interviewing Jericho. PIPER~! They mock each other. Ha. Fun stuff tbh.
Chris Jericho Vs Christian Vs Booker T Vs Val Venis Vs Goldust Vs Lance Storm Vs RVD Vs Kane Vs Test – Intercontinental Championship Battle Royal
Pat Patterson coming out to Mae Young’s theme song . He gets to present the winner with the belt.
VAL VENIS RETURN . He got fired by Bischoff after being Chief Morley for a while. Austin hired him back as Val.
at terrible Booker T entrance dub. As if his normal one wasn’t bad enough. So this match features all former IC champs… except for Booker T.
Storm goes first, followed by Kane after everyone gangs up on him. Kane doesn’t give a fuck and comes back in anyway, destroying everyone just for the hell of it.
Test, Val and RVD all get chokeslammed and the remaining superstars eliminate them with ease! Final four are Booker T & Goldust and Christian & Jericho . Mini tag match here!
DOUBLE SHATTERED DREAMS~!
SPINAROONIE~! Goldust tries to eliminate Booker right after, but gets it turned around on him . I want Goldust to be champ .
Normally when this sort of thing happens (2 heels working over a babyface) in multiman matches, it can get real fucking dull. Here it doesn’t, which is like, yey for me. Christian and Jericho have great chemistry together which helps.
Christian shoves Jericho over the ropes during a Lionsault attempt. Awesome elimination!!!
Great little finishing stretch to this one. The ONE referee watching over the battle royal ( ) gets knocked out, and Christian gets eliminated! Booker’s music plays, Patterson goes to present the title to him, but Christian decks him! Lays out Booker, throws him over the ropes while the ref recovers and CHRISTIAN wins!!! Ha! Take THAT, Booker T!!!
Fun match. They got rid of the bulk of people and left us with a tag situation, and from there it was really good. Christian winning over Booker makes me happy too .
CAL SCALE – 2
HALF NAKED TORRIE FAP FAP AND SABLE FAP FAP. OIL~!
Torrie Wilson Vs Sable – Bikini Contest
FAP. TIMES INFINITY.
A million stars. Kinda.
CAL SCALE – 0
Mr America Vs Roddy Piper
absolutely fucking NO.
CAL SCALE – -1
Triple H Vs Kevin Nash – World Heavyweight Championship Match
Yey HBK and Flair at ringside just like Insurrextion. Hopefully they brawl too so this doesn’t suck too bad .
Dammit, they DO brawl, but are sent right to the back . So we are left with HHH and Nash.
BIG BOOT. ELBOW. BACK BODY DROP. SIDE SLAM. KNEE TO THE GUT. That’s Nash’s shit out of the way…
Terrible pu… wait, what? HHH is actually… hitting decent punches. The fuck happened to him? And what the FUCK is this? Nash is actually PUNCHING instead of elbowing!!!
at Hebner dragging NASH off of HHH with his hair. SUPER HEBNER!!!
so much for super Hebner, he just got mauled by HHH.
Nash no sells a punch, so HHH kicks him in the balls .
Pedigree. Continue brawling. Sledgehammer to Earl to get himself DQ’d.
Powerbomb through the announce table.
CAL SCALE – 0
Bischoff throws up.
Trish Stratus Vs Jacqueline Vs Victoria Vs Jazz – Women’s Championship
CAL SCALE – -1
Brock Lesnar Vs The Big Show – WWE Championship Stretcher Match
can’t wait to watch this one again!!!
17 years since the last stretcher match in the WWE. Why? Because the first one was so fucking awful .
Lesnar wasting NO FUCKING TIME here, swinging the stretcher with all his power right onto the back of Show. Despite the fact the stretcher isn’t made out of the most solid material, that just HAS to hurt.
Speaking of hurting… SHOW swinging that stretcher has to hurt even more. Ouch!!!
CHOKESLAM!!! I miss Big Show’s old Chokeslams. He got some real fucking height on them and slammed them down with FORCE. Not like these days where they look like shit.
LEG DROP~! Lesnar bouncing to sell it looked amazing. Lesnar goes on a stretcher, but fights Show and gets a fucking clothesline, knocking him backwards off the stretcher and over the line!!! Man, I love Lesnar bouncing around. This is the kind of stuff I was hoping for at their RR match, but we all know how that turned out .
TUG OF WAR WITH THE STRETCHER~! Show wins . So how does he celebrate? DESTROYS THE STRETCHER! Because… uhhhh… he didn’t like that one. He takes the padding from it and places it on another one .
Big Show knocked off the apron right onto a stretcher!!! But he bounces off and lands hard on the floor. Poor Lesnar has to try and pick the giant up off the floor and onto a stretcher. GOOD LUCK.
Apparently Lesnar decides it’s too much to handle and fucks off. Show wins via forfit?
REY MYSTERIO’S MUSIC~! WHAT? Lesnar disappears and out comes Rey? LESNAR IS REY MYSTERIO!!!
Rey comes out for revenge and gets killed.
LESNAR HAS A FORKLIFT~! Nearly brought down the entire JD set lol.
DIVE OFF THE FORKLIFT~!
SUPLEX TO BIG SHOW~!
F-5 TO BIG SHOW~!
Lesnar rolls the giant onto a stretcher that’s placed on the forklift, and over the line he goes! Lesnar retains!!!
Well, 17 years earlier a god awful stretcher match took place. At this event, we get a fucking GOOD stretcher match!!! Watching these 2 beat the shit out of each other is always .
CAL SCALE – 3
Overall CAL SCALE – 5