GOLBERG, WHEN I LOOK IN TO YOUR EYES, I SEE SOMEONE PRETENDING TO BE SOMETHING THEIR NOT, PRETENDING TO BE A WRESTLER.
The Dudley Boys Vs La Resistance – World Tag Team Championship Handicap Tables Match
Spike was supposed to be in this, but he got injured after La Resistance attempted to spinebust him from the ring to the outside through a table… and only Spike’s head connected with the table in one of the sickest botches I’ve seen lol.
Fuck me Bubba is absolutely STIFFING THE SHIT out of Rob Conway . And the fans are eating it up lol.
MIDNIGHT EXPRESS MENTION~!
Ok, that was… odd. Dudleys clear house, look to get some tables involved but Bubba ends up double teamed… so D-Von just goes back to the apron and ignores everything .
love how referees always tryi to find a way to distract themselves when the Dudleys go for the wassup headbutt.
“oh shit, he’s gonna headbutt that guy in the balls. THAT’S ILLEGAL. I’d best go check on this guy for no reason…”
D-VON THROUGH A TABLE~! With a fucking Irish Whip. LOL.
Bubba is alone now, but he gets the upper hand with STIFFNESS. Gotta be careful when being stiff with La Resistance, don’t want them bitching about it afterwards…
“Why are you being so stiff with me? Do you not know I am green?” quote from Bubba in the Dudley Shoot Interview .
SUPLEX THROUGH A TABLE~! There goes… The one not called Conway or Dupree lol.
SPINEBUSTER OVER THE ROPES TO THE FLOOR THROUGH A TABLE TO CONWAY~! This time nobodies head got murdered . Wait, no, on replay his head DID crack the table, but there was another table in front of it that broke so he still went through a table while smashing his skull lol.
3-D!!! THE DUDLEY BOYS ARE THE NEW TAG CHAMPS!!! 17th time. Fucking hell lol. This was pretty good. Hot crowd, STIFFNESS, bitches going through tables. I had the fun.
CAL SCALE – 2
a fucking video package, complete with actual music from a real band and everything… for STEINER VS TEST .
Test Vs Scott Steiner – If Steiner wins, Stacy is free of Test. If Test wins, Steiner becomes his man bitch or something
they have a proper song for the video package for this shitty match… yet they don’t have Stacy’s theme?
Not gonna bother with this. Shock!
CAL SCALE – -1
Shawn Michaels Vs Randy Orton
I will never tire of the EVOLUTION theme. All hail Motorhead!!!
Orton wants to use HBK as a stepping stone, and HBK is gonna make it as difficult as possible for him. How? HEADLOCK TAKEDOWNS~!
Orton takes a page out of HBK’s book by skinning the cat and coming back with a dropkick, but old HBK as the grizzled veteran doesn’t allow the rookie Orton to keep control for very long, and even shows Orton how skinning the cat SHOULD be done!
One miss step from HBK sends him shoulder first into the ring post, and in comes FLAIR to work over Shawn on the outside while the referee is distracted. Orton might be the rookie, but FLAIR on the outside more than evens things up!
KNEE TO THE BALLS~! Flair rules.
Orton picks HBK up and runs him shoulder first into the ring post… AND DOES IT TO THE WRONG SHOULDER .
Flair kills it on the outside, while in the ring… nothing particularly good is happening. Orton’s arm work, while solid, is basic as shit and not that engaging. And Shawn… a few times during the match even HE looks lost. A few times he just kinda stood around like he didn’t know what the fuck to do, then every time he would just kinda half heartedly jump on Orton and punch him in the face.
Superkick countered into an RKO was ok, looked a little off too though tbh. And the fans didn’t give a shit about it .
Seriously, Flair on the outside is working fucking overtime to make up for the, well, messy match Orton and Shawn are having. Sneaking around trying to attack Michaels and constantly getting smashed in the face, screaming at the fans, and sweating like me walking up a couple of stairs.
SUPERKICK~! 3 COUNT~! Flair puts Orton’s foot on the rope afterwards and the ref sees it and restarts the match. Flair gives knucks or something to Orton who decks HBK and pins him.
Match just fell FLAT. Crowd weren’t really into it, and honestly it didn’t look like Orton and HBK were either. Off night for both. Big mess with Flair providing the only entertainment. Thankfully 4 years later they gave us a masterpiece at Survivor Series .
CAL SCALE – 0
La Resistance are backstage being all hurt. Jericho shows up to complain about Austin to them. Building to the Survivor Series match .
Gail Kim & Molly Holly Vs Trish Stratus & Lita
Remember when Gail Kim just kinda showed up and won like, a battle royal to become women’s champ or something? The fuck was all that about?
Oh btw, No. Also, FAP FAP FAP LITA AND TRISH.
CAL SCALE – -1
Kane Vs Shane McMahon – Last Man Standing Match
oh man I almost forgot about the BALL ELECTRICUTION during the build up to this.
CHAIR SHOTS~! Shane jumped Kane during his entrance and just cracks him over and over with chair shots to the back and to the fucking FACE.
Man, Shane is fucking DOMINATING Kane! Smashing his head repeatedly into the steel steps . Then jabbing him in the face… and then Kane shoves him over the barricade .
Lawler: The referee is counting Shane?
WELL FUCKING DUH. Shane is down, match is a last man standing. WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T HE YOU GIANT PLEB?
CHOKESLAM~! SHANE IS UP!!
Kane looks to go for a tombstone, but decides it ain’t good enough, so STEEL STEPS are brought in.
Is Kane capable of taking a face bump? RKO, Pedigree, BULLDOG ON STEEL STEPS… he always gets his hands up and has about 2 feet between his hands slapping the surface and his fucking head. DO IT PROPERLY YOU TAWT.
COAST TO COAST DRIVING STEEL STEPS INTO KANE’S FACE~!
JR and Lawler scream “where’s the ref” and I only just realise the referee is knocked out on the floor. THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN?
SPAMMING THROWING SHANE INTO THE UNFORGIVEN SIGN~!
ATTEMPTED MURDER ON LIVE PPV~!
MORE ATTEMPTED MURDER ON LIVE PPV~!
Shane dives off the stage and… KANE MOVES . Shane is dead or something. Kane wins. Match was mostly sucky with a couple of fun spots.
CAL SCALE – 0
Christian Vs RVD Vs Chris Jericho – Intercontinental Championship Match
the crowd are fucking DEAD. They barely react to RVD hitting a moonsault from the top rope to the floor landing on both opponents. Hell even JR and Lawler sound bored .
oh god this is TERRIBLE . RVD is botching, Jericho is being clumsy, and Christian doesn’t look anything like the worker he is now. Combine that with a DEAD CROWD and oh man this is shit .
WHAT THE FECK WAS THAT? RVD JUST KIND DID A FLIP IN THE CORNER WHILE JERICHO RAN AT HIM AND… JERICHO SMASHED INTO HIM MID FLIP .
This match feels like it’s lasted 30 minutes. Wish I’d skipped this and watched Steiner/Test instead…
CAL SCALE – 0
The Coach & Al Snow Vs Jerry Lawler & Jim Ross – Winning Team Becomes Raw Broadcast Team
Al Snow turned heel and joined THE COACH? How do I not remember this shit?
Not watching this, however I skipped to the end and… COACH AND AL SNOW WIN?
CAL SCALE – -1
JR and Lawler still have to call the main event, and both look like they wanna cry. Not because they just “lost their jobs”, but because they still have to call the main event .
Triple H Vs Goldberg – World Heavyweight Championship Match, if Goldberg loses he must leave the WWE
I so wanna NO this, but it’s a PPV main event and dammit I’m watching. Sadly.
Lillian Garcia looks FAP FAP FAP.
“THIS IS NUT CUTTING TIME” Ummm… what?
HHH wearing his TORN PENIS PANTS.
KNEE TO THE FACE TO COUNTER THE SPEAR~! That’s like, the best thing to happen on this show since… the opener .
IF GOLDBERG IS VERTICAL, HE’LL BREAK YOUR ASS~! JR rules.
Figure Four and… the crowd are still just fucking DEAD . Nobody cares at all .
The fuck? HHH worked over the LEGS of Goldberg… and Goldberg is selling THE ARM on a comeback? What?
To make things worse, HHH keeps going back to the leg while Goldberg CONTINUES TO SELL THE ARM .
HHH is bleeding. Because… Flair didn’t get chance to earlier?
REF BUMP~! LOW BLOW~! DDT~! NOBODY CARES STILL~!
POP FOR THE SLEDGEHAMMER .
Goldberg gets smashed in the FACE WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER, and less than 10 seconds later he’s SPEARED HHH, SELLING HIS ARM AND SETTING UP FOR THE JACKHAMMER .
JACKHAMMER. 3 COUNT. GOLDBERG WINS.
OMG this is one of the worst matches I can recall seeing. HHH/Undertaker 02 matches look like all time classics compared to this .
CAL SCALE – 0
Overall CAL SCALE – -1