No Mercy 2003 PPV Ramblings

Posted on: July 20th, 2014 by Big Cal

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No Mercy 2003

 

This show features an I Quit match… between Vince McMahon and… STEPHANIE MCMAHON :lmao.

 

Tajiri Vs Rey Mysterio – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

Oh man, after enduring far too many Raw 03 PPV’s lately, what better way to kick off a show I remember being GOOD, than TAJIRI? :mark:

And Rey Rey as his opponent? OH HELL YEAH!

What’s this? CW match where they… lock up and fight for the advantage? Well, that’s something different haha. Normally expect these guys to kick and fly around, but nope! I liked it tbh.

KICKS~! Rey blocked! Kick of his own! Rey Rey going after the LEGS of Tajiri, which is what Tazz claimed would be the smart thing for Rey to do, as it not only grounds the Japanese Buzzsaw, but prevents those lethal KICKS~!

:mark: Mysterio kicking the leg of Tajiri to prevent him from building momentum. DROPKCIK TO THE BACK to counter the handspring elbow :mark:. Mysterio is looking to knock off the champion here tonight and… ends up getting knocked off the apron himself. TAJIRI IN CONTROL :mark:. KICKS~!

Tajiri kicks the SHIT out of Mysterio’s arm. Why? This ain’t no Malenko/Rey match where Malenko is a retard and targets the arm because, fuck it, he wanted to. Instead, earlier in the match when Rey was going after the arm, Tajiri countered the only way he could into an arm bar, and since then Tajiri has been able to use it to his advantage.

:mark: at that 619. Awesome way to hit it.

:mark: at that powerbomb to counter the West Coast Pop :mark:. BRUTAL.

:mark: at that moonsault. PERFECT BALANCE :mark:.

MOAR KICKS TO THE ARM :mark:.

Tajiri is STILL selling the leg work from earlier in the match :mark:.

Another good way to set up a 619 :mark:.

DEBUT OF A TRIAD MEMBER :mark:. Not sure which one haha. Oh apparently it was… both? I only saw one lol.

KICK TO THE HEAD~! TAJIRI WINS~!

Well this makes up for all the putrid shite I put myself through with the Raw 03 PPV’s. Great opener. I could watch these two all day.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

A-Train Vs Chris Benoit

Albert shoves Benoit into the corner and tells him he “ain’t nuffin” and Benoit clubs the shit out of Albert’s face :mark:.

But the strength of Albert keeps sending Benoit to the outside, as he tries to get inside the crippler’s head. However the fans chanting “shave your back” pretty much nullifies his mind games!

:mark: Big beefy bastard and BENOIT clubbing the shit out of each other. So much fun to watch.

Crazy to watch Albert in 03 and see just how fucking good the guy was, knowing what they did to him when they brought him back as Lord Tensai with a shitty gimmick and limited move set. And now he’s “Jason Albert” doing commentary on NXT :(. At least we got a couple matches between him and Sheamus.

:mark: shades of VADER there with Albert clubbing (my fav word for this match atm haha) the shit out of Benoit’s face in the corner. Love Benoit constantly trying to fight back and never letting Albert take full advantage of him. Reminds me of the Mr Kennedy shoot where he talks about how Benoit would call a spot but never simply “let” him do the move. You wanna suplex him? You gotta kick him in the gut first, punch him in the face maybe, rather than him just letting you do whatever you want. Always fighting. Makes things seem a little more “real” and more like a FIGHT.

Albert with a… GERMAN SUPLEX? :mark:

“GET YOUR ASS UP, CHRIS!” very encouraging fans in the front row. :lmao they are military :lmao.

STEEL CHAIR~!

OH MY FUCKING GOD. And that, folks, is how Benoit’s head got fucked up so much. Seriously, that HAD to have been part of the problem. Fuck it, GIF TIME~!

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Benoit makes a comeback right after! TRIPLE GERMANS TO FAT ALBERT~!

A headbutt attempt leads to Albert sending Benoit crashing to the mat. Albert signals for a heatbutt!!! But Benoit gets up and Albert decides against going up top :p.

KICK TO THE CHAIR~! Albert’s leg gets caught up in the chair! SHARPSHOOTER! ALBERT TAPS OUT! Nice tribute to Stu Hart who passed away a few days before this event :).

This fucking rules.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Zack Gowen Vs Matt Hardy

VEEEEEEEEEEEE ONEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

“Matt can not be grossed out” unless he imagines Edge with Lita 8*D.

“Matt has survived five car wrecks” 6th time the charm then? :side:

Insane when you think about it; WWE hired a 1 legged wrestler and put him in numerous PPV matches and big angles. And he was the SECOND one legged wrestler, because BIG JOHNNY HIRED THE WRONG ONE FIRST :lmao. Should have kept him and made a tag team :side:.

Man, Gowen bumps like a fucking champ. THAT LARIAT~!

:lmao Cole openly admits on commentary that Gowen ain’t gonna win this match.

MOONSAULT~! GOWEN WINS! COLE LOOKS STUPID! HA!

Fun match.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

APA Vs The Basham Brothers

Thankfully that shemale isn’t out with the Basham’s because JBL clotheslined him to hell.

APA spend the first part of this match just killing this new team :mark:.

:lmao oh man that jawbreaker from Danny Basham on Farooq gave me flashbacks to Undertaker/Kronic. Surprised Farooq didn’t scream “fuck” or at least punch him in the face :lmao.

APA seem to be playing both heels and faces in this, attacking behind the referee’s back while still getting cheered because watching the APA beat someone up is always awesome.

Farooq gets a nice rest while the Basham’s take turns at sitting in rest holds with him. Meanwhile Bradshaw keeps running in and smashing someone’s face in because he’s bored :p.

HOT TAG~! Bradshaw murders everyone. All is right with the world.

LAST CALL~!

The other Basham tries to sneak a top rope move… but Farooq holds onto him and he ends up getting a SUPPER LAST CALL~!

:lmao terrible ref bump.

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL~!

Urgh, the shemale shows up and smacks Bradshaw with a sex toy or something and the Basham’s pick up the win.

Most fun stuff.

:lmao turns out the Clothesline from Hell to the shemale was so he could get breast implants :lmao.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Vince McMahon Vs Stephanie McMahon – Father-Daughter I Quit Match

:lmao oh man WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?

Stephanie during the build up to this seems shocked that Vince would do this sort of stuff. This is the guy that had UNDERTAKER KIDNAP HER 4 years earlier.

VINCE ATTACKS HIS OWN DAUGHTER FROM BEHIND :lmao.

Man, Vince is getting some MAJOR fucking heat during this. Not only beating up his own Daughter, but protecting Sable from his own wife :lmao.

Cole going apeshit on commentary is :lmao too. WHAT SABLE, ARE YOU GONNA BE THE NEW SD GM IF STEPHANIE LOSES? HUH? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? YOU BITCH! :lmao

:lmao at Linda attacking Sable. SLAP TO VINCE~! LOW BLOW~! LOW BLOW WITH A STEEL PIPE~!

Huh, so Stephanie can win this by pin. Ok.

Stephanie looks to deck Vince with the pipe, Vince tries to act all sorry, and Stephanie beats the shit out of him anyway :lmao.

VINCE HITS STEPHANIE WITH THE FUCKING PIPE~! Vince is THE ULTIMATE HEEL.

CHOKING STEPH WITH THE PIPE NOW! Linda throws in the towel as Stephanie refuses to give up. Vince wins, Stephanie loses her job at GM and marries HHH a few days later :p.

I’m not sure where I stand with this match. It’s fucking crazy and almost unratable :lmao. That being said, I did LIKE it. It’s not a bad match, it’s just weird :p. Fuck it. STARS~!

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Kurt Angle Vs John Cena

:mark:

Not often I look forward to an Angle match. And certainly a rarity to look forward to a match between these two.

Rapping Kurt is the greatest thing ever :lmao.

Dual chants for both men here, something Cena would get as a babyface too :p.

CENA HAS STREET CRED

:lmao at Angle avoiding a big right hand from Cena and flipping him off.

Cena gets destroyed early on as Angle out wrestles him, so Cena tries to get Angle to FIGHT him, where he thinks he’ll have the advantage. Angle beats the fuck out of him still :lmao.

CLOTHESLINE~! Looked brutal.

:lmao Angle is STILL out fighting Cena. Angle is beating some RESPECT into Cena.

RUNNING SHOULDER from Kurt to Cena in the corner looked insane, almost as if Cena was supposed to MOVE because Angle was going 100 mile an hour like he wanted to crash into the ring post. But nope. Cena didn’t move. Looked cool and I’m not entirely sure it wasn’t supposed to happen that way but oh well :p.

Angle goes for it again in another corner and this time Cena DOES move and Angle crashes into the ring post. Time for Cena to control things.

ANGLE IS BLEEDING FROM THE MOUTH. And nobody knows why :lmao. Must have been the hard way then.

Cena’s control segment ain’t the greatest thing to start with, as he just sits there in a front face lock for a little while. But luckily Angle gets to make a number of comeback attempts and THIS is where Cena does well in the match; cutting the bastard off.

DDT ON THE APRON :mark:.

THAT LEGDROP :mark:.

Angle keeps making comeback attempts (GERMAN SUPLEXES~!) and Cena keeps cutting him off in pretty awesome ways. He looks more STIFF AND GRITTY with his brawling too, something he honestly kinda sucks at today.

CORNER POWERBOMB~! Fuck me Angle took that like a true champ. Awesome.

F-U~! And Angle kicks out :lmao.

ANGLE SLAM~! And Cena kicks out :lmao.

CHAIN~! Angle realises he can’t beat Angle clean. The ref takes it away, and while his back is turned, Cena pulls out Angle’s gold medals and decks him in the face!!!

ANGLE KICKS OUT~! Of course he does :p.

Bunch of fun counters as both men try for their finisher again and… ANKLE LOCK~!

CENA TAPS OUT!!! CENA TAPS OUT!!!

Still a great match for sure. Cena’s best match probably until like, uhhh… fuck, maybe until 2007.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs The Big Show – United States Championship Match

:mark: forgot this was on the show :mark:. Was looking at the time left and wondered what else would happen with 50 mins left and me only remembering Lesnar/Taker.

Damn, that attack involving the car looked brutal. Props to Eddie for taking that. His back is covered in marks and cuts and scars from the very REAL glass that was still in the car.

:mark: at Eddie trying to escape Show and ground him, but not being big or strong enough to make any kind of mark on the giant.

:mark: at Show mauling the back of Eddie.

:lmao Lie, Cheat and Steal Eddie comes out to play, throwing a chair into the ring which causes the ref to get rid of it, then he decks Show with a garbage can lid to the head. Probably should have done the opposite since the chair would have hurt more but oh well :p.

Fuck, those back bumps into the ring post. Poor Eddie’s back :(.

I’M GONNA BREAK YOU!

Fuck the fans chanting boring btw. Dumb cunts.

Poor referee. Show throws Eddie onto him when he kicks out of a pin, then Show goes to leg drop Eddie who is still on the referee… but Eddie moves and Nick Patrick is DEAD.

BRASS KNUCKS~!

Referee has recovered enough to make a 2 count! LOL. Good job he wasn’t the ref for Undertaker/HHH WM 17. He would have gotten back up from the elbow drop 20 seconds later and counted both men out :p.

US TITLE TO THE FACE~!

FROG SPLASH~!

KICK OUT? :eek:

MONSTER CHOKESLAM~!

Eddie is DONE. New US champion… NO?!!! FOOT ON THE ROPES! EDDIE IS STILL IN THIS THING!!!

LOW BLOW & DDT~! Can Eddie keep this up? Can Eddie WIN? :mark:

Another chokeslam in the middle of the ring, and Eddie can’t escape from this one. NEW CHAMP.

Great match. Fuck the fans.

Poor Eddie, lost his title and feels like shit, and what happens? Chavo Jr shows up. Bad day just got worse. Get that useless moo away from Eddie!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Brock Lesnar Vs The Undertaker – WWE Championship Biker Chain Match

:mark:

PUNCHES :mark:.

Love Undertaker working the arm early on as he usually does, which sets up to Old School, but Lesnar knows it’s coming and rams ‘Taker into the corner instead and we get both guys tied up throwing big punches to each other’s KIDNEYS :mark:.

Undertaker gets closer to doing Old School again but Lesnar still won’t let him execute it, and it results in Lesnar taking a bit of a beating lol.

OLD SCHOOL~! Undertaker finally has Lesnar weakened enough to land it… and then he follows it up with some crazy Lucha roll up!!! Lesnar is FREAKED OUT by that and gets his arse to the outside :lmao.

OUTSIDE BRAWLING :mark:. TAKER DOING HIS “KNEES INTO THE STEEL STEPS” SPOT. Which I’m fairly certain he stole from FOLEY. But when you nearly kill a man twice in ONE MATCH I think you can steal anything you want from him and he ain’t gonna say shit :p.

They battle in the ring for a while, both guys landing some awesome shots btw, and then Undertaker sends Lesnar crashing down neck first onto the ropes which gives him a chance to climb the pole to grab the chain!

LIGHTS OUT~!

When they come back on, Lesnar is back up and preventing the Not So Dead Man from grabbing the deadly chain!

:mark: @ every time Undertaker makes a comeback with those big punches. Guy rules at punching.

PILEDRIVER ON THE STEEL STEPS~! BY UNDERTAKER~! AND IT WASN’T A TOMBSTONE VERSION~!

:mark:

Again Undertaker tries to climb the pole, but Lesnar again interferes only to end up stuck in a triangle choke!!!

How does Lesnar respond? UPPERCUT TO THE BALLS~!

Fucking hell, Undertaker tries to deck Lesnar with the steel steps, but Lesnar ducks and Undertaker ends up lobbing the steps over the ropes and very fucking nearly hits his own bike :lmao.

LESNAR GOES FOR THE CHAIN~! GETS CAUGHT IN A LAST RIDE~! LESNAR COUNTERS~! DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE~! :mark:

PUNCH EXCHANGE~!

Chokeslam countered into a spinbuster! Lesnar tries to make a cover and gets sucked in to another triangle choke!!!

LESNAR POWERS OUT WITH A POWERBOMB :mark:.

DRAGON SLEEPER AKA TAKIN’ CARE OF BUSINESS~!

TCB COUNTERED INTO AN F-5!!!

“THE VETERAN THE UNDERTAKER GOT HIS BOTTOM… HIS FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE” :lmao well done Cole.

CHOKESLAM FROM THE TOP ROPE! Undertaker decides against the cover and instead goes after the chain!

BUT WAIT, IT’S THE FBI! SOMEBODY PUT A HIT OUT ON THE UNDERTAKER?!?!

‘Taker fucks em up and gives Lesnar a Last Ride!!!

DEAD MAN DIVE OVER THE ROPES TO TAKE OUT THE FBI!!! :mark: How the fuck did he have enough energy left to do that?

:lmao NUNZIO goes for the chain and gets knocked off the pole (above the turnbuckle!!!) to the floor! UNDERTAKER HAS THE CHAIN!

VINCE MCMAHON! VINCE SHOVES UNDERTAKER OFF THE ROPES! VINCE HAS JUST SCREWED THE UNDERTAKER!

LESNAR HAS THE CHAIN! SHOT TO THE FUCKING FACE! UNDERTAKER IS DONE.

:mark: this match still fucking rules. Two big bastards beating the absolute shit out of each other. Love it.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 21.5

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