No Way Out 2003 PPV Ramblings

Posted on: August 3rd, 2014 by Big Cal

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No Way Out 2003

 

How odd… NO video package before the PPV. Guess they didn’t want people to know what the main event was :lmao.

 

Chris Jericho Vs Jeff Hardy

First time WWE have come to Montreal since that little incident back in 1997 (back on PPV, at least, no idea if they did TV since).

Jericho is Canadian and… gets booed :p.

Huh, looks like someone threw paint on Jeff before he came out. Get a fucking shower ya bum.

Jericho tries to wrestle at the start of this match, but Jeff is all “fuck this, someone threw paint on me before the match and I look like a tit” and decides to throw bunches at Jericho instead.

Fans seem to have realised Jericho is Canadian now and are chanting for him :p. A little slow eh?

:mark: Jericho taking a Sgt Slaugter-esque turnbuckle bump :mark:.

Hardy starts building momentum with his jumpy flippy shit, until Jericho avoids that barricade spot Jeff likes to do and follows it up with the WORST flapjack ever into the steel steps. Jeff would have gotten more height if he stood on his tippy toes because the lazy shit barely jumped here.

:lmao at both guys throwing out some sloppy shit. You know that jawbreaker move Jeff like to do? Well he kinda mixed that up with a monkey flip which resulted in a shit looking THING. Then Jericho comes back with the worst enziguri attempt I’ve ever seen.

Seems that while planning this match out backstage, Jericho knew he’d get a babyface reaction from the Canadian crowd, but Jeff refused to be the heel of the match… which results in neither man being heel, no control segment from anyone which leaves us with a bunch of MOVES~! and they don’t even manage that properly :p.

SWANTON~! MISS~! ACT LIKE IT HIT ANYWAY~!

:lmao

This is just one seemingly long (feels like it lasts forever) MOVES~! fest with a bunch of near falls. Not my cup of tea. Neither is tea, actually. Fuck tea. Tastes like… well tea, which is the problem.

:lmao HBK shows up to save Jeff as Jericho keeps the Walls locked in, and the fans absolutely SHIT on him. And then cheer the fuck out of him when he takes out both Jericho and Christian :p.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Rob Van Dam & Kane Vs William Regal & Lance Storm – World Tag Team Championship Match

Fun opening exchange between RVD and Storm, with RVD throwing shit at Storm and Storm countering and avoiding as much as he can until he gets kicked in the face :p.

Then Regal comes in and… gets more of the same :p.

KANE SLAMS REGALS and… Regal is FUCKED UP. Knocked out for a few moments + concussion which puts him out of action for a while and kills the big tag match for WM :(.

Storm takes over for a while, but Regal being the MAN he is still continues the match!

HALF NELSON SUPLEX :mark: :mark: :mark:.

:mark: @ Storm mounting RVD and just battering his face.

“WE WANT REGAL” chants :mark:.

:mark: at Regal’s awesome bump off a big boot by Kane. Guy is still better concussed than most people.

Kane’s mask gets fucked up and he can’t see. RVD gets pushed into him and he thinks its Regal or Storm. CHOKESLAM~! RVD gets pinned. Ha.

Solid match despite what happened to Regal!

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Billy Kidman Vs Matt Hardy – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

Matt had to drop 10 lbs in 2 weeks in order to challenge for the title :p.

MATT IS ANNOYED BY SNOW & ICE~!

MATT TAKES HOT TEA WITH MILK & SWEETENER~!

I find it funny that Cole and Tazz are playing up on the whole “Matt isn’t a normal CW” claiming he’s not used to this style and shit. Uhhh… did they forget about his entire career prior to this match? You know, when he and his brother Jeff would fly around like CW’s and wrestle CW’s and shit as well as heavyweights? If anything Matt was always more of a CW than a HW :lmao.

Matt grounds Kidman. And uhhh… he does holds on the ground to make sure he keeps him grounded. And uhhh… Kidman is grounded by Matt’s ground offence.

Fuck me this match is a whole load of nothing. Matt applies holds on the floor while using about 6 Side Effects. Kidman makes a couple of comebacks that aren’t exactly inspiring. Shannon Moore might as well have stayed in the back.

Twist of Fate from the ropes and Matt wins the CW title. Thankfully he’d go on to REY MYSTERIO and have some great matches.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

OH NOES EDGE IS DEAD OR SOMETHING BACKSTAGE AKA HIS NECK IS FUCKED AND HE’S BUGGERING OFF FOR OVER A YEAR.

The Undertaker Vs The Big Show

:mark: these two had some fucking CLASSICS in 2008 and while I’ve never enjoyed this as much as some other people, I am hoping for something good and maybe for me to like it more this time around.

FOUR WORDS: SHUT UP AND FIGHT!!!

:mark: Undertaker does his over the ropes bump and takes the fight right to Big Show on the outside, throwing those BIG SOUP BONES right in Show’s face.

Undertaker has returned after being thrown off the stage by Show in October, and he’s a “new” Undertaker now as Tazz explains on commentary. He’s now starting to use MMA moves and holds and is having to adapt to the new styles of young wrestlers coming up. We see Undertaker counter the power of Show by using speed and his unique offence and I’m :mark: the entire time lol.

WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION TO UNDERTAKER… WITH A STEEL CHAIR IN FRONT OF HIS FACE~! But the WMD wouldn’t be established until 2008 so Undertaker can continue wrestling :p.

:mark: those fucking shots to Show’s head :mark:. Show just stands there out of it while Undertaker caves his fucking FACE in :mark:.

Love Undertaker’s “out of it” selling, and it’s done wonderful here are Show repeatedly headbutts the fuck out of him, busting him open! Arn Vs DICK Vs Undertaker in a “sell a shot to the head” match would be the greatest thing in the history of everything ever.

:mark: at Undertaker’s comeback with those fucking strikes :mark:. Especially when he just fucking charges head on at Show and blasts him in the face with a running punch.

Show is doing a great job cutting Undertaker off with such simple moves like a punch of his own or a headbutt. Being as big as he is, even doing it to UNDERTAKER looks legit, and Undertaker’s selling of everything just puts it over that much more.

LOW BLOW~! DDT~!

:lmao Undertaker signals for a Last Ride. Like that’s gonna happen from a non corner position :p.

Meanwhile Big Show’s giant red underwear is on display as his ring gear slowly moves up his leg :p.

TAKIN’ CARE OF BUSINESS~! But Heyman senses Show is in trouble and distracts ‘Taker on the apron.

A-TRAIN~!

DEAD MAN DIVE TO A-TRAIN AND HEYMAN :mark: :mark: :mark:.

Undertaker is on fucking FIRE now and Big Show is GONNA PAY :mark:.

CHOKESLAM BY BIG SHOW~!

PIN COUNTERED INTO A TRIANGLE CHOKE~! THAT MMA OFFENCE COMING INTO PLAY :mark:.

BIG SHOW GETS CHOKED OUT!!! UNDERTAKER WINS!!!

:mark: How on earth have I never been a big fan of this in the part? This fucking ROCKS (THE DRAGON)! Right fucking up there with their 08 matches tbh.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Bischoff thinks his match with Austin later will be easy as he can make it No DQ and have tons of help. Then Vince McMahon shows up and says nobody can interfere, and if they do they’ll be fired :lmao.

 

Kurt Angle, Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Hass Vs Brock Lesnar & Chris Benoit – Handicap Match

So Edge is off for surgery, leaving Benoit and Lesnar to face 3 men. The sheer TALENT in this match makes it look :mark: on paper, but honestly I’ve always thought it absolutely SUCKED. I changed my mind on the previous match, maybe I can end up loving this one too?

BROCK looks like a fucking beast early on, dominating Team Angle then begging to get his hands on Angle only to be double and triple teamed and STILL getting up and fighting back.

We get a preview of Lesnar/Angle WM match with Angle applying a sleeper hold and wrapping his legs around Lesnar to both ground him and wear him down even more. Seems out of place in a tag match tbh, especially with how long it lasts.

BENOIT HOT TAG :mark:. Comes in and suplexes bitches left, right and centre :mark:.

The numbers advantage comes into play allowing Team Angle to regain control and now Benoit has to play FIP.

:lmao the fuck is Lesnar doing on the apron? He’s rubbing his neck and roaring or something :lmao.

BOOOOORING control segment.

LESNAR HOT TAG :mark:. Comes in and suplexes bitches left, right and centre :mark:. Huh, that sounds familiar…

Multiple Crossface/Ankle Lock counters… which is retarded because Benoit isn’t even the legal and and I don’t even think Angle is?

Uhhh ok Hass taps out. Apparently he was the legal man and so was Benoit… even though Lesnar just came in off the hot tag.

Anyway, this is fucking SHIT. Seriously.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Triple H Vs Scott Steiner – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Oh god it just gets worse. And there is still the god awful main event to come :|. And Austin/Bischoff too :|.

Their RR match was SO FUCKING BAD… they booked it again a month later. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM?!?!

*3 days later*

Ok I suppose I should watch this match now :(.

:lmao the fans are booing Steiner and cheering HHH :lmao. Absolutely NOT what this match needed :lmao. Was gonna be awful on its own, but a crowd not reacting the way they would be expected to = match fucked up :p.

I like how HHH’s leg is taped up, giving Steiner an area to focus on. It was like they watched their RR match back (I fucking hope they did, fans were tortured by it so they should too) and realised that Steiner couldn’t do anything beyond SUPLEXES, so creating a leg injury for him to attack meant he had something else to do :p.

:lmao the MOMENT I finished writing that last sentence… Steiner hit a suplex :lmao.

Scotty applies a Figure Four, but it just doesn’t look right when he does it… so Flair pokes his eyes behind the referee’s back to prevent such a thing from continuing. I guess if he did that to Steiner for making the Figure Four look bad, he should probably torture and eventually kill The Miz for what he did to the hold…

:lmao the fans who moments ago were cheering HHH are now chanting BORING because HHH is in control :lmao.

:lmao Steiner builds momentum and what does he do? Leg work again? Nah. SUPLEXES!!!

:lmao Steiner just fucking RUNS into HHH’d boot and I’m 99.9% certain he got KNOCKED OUT. HHH goes for a cover and tries to use the ropes, ref catches him and they argue and shove each other for about a minute while Steiner recovers :p.

MOAR SUPLEXES :lmao.

Orton and Batista show up and get destroyed.

:mark: at Orton being thrown over the ropes and just fucking DIVING onto Batista. Best thing about this match so far.

WHC to the face of Steiner… he kicks out, fans boo :lmao.

PEDIGREE. Yes! It’s fucking OVER.

Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Steve Austin Vs Eric Bischoff

GTFO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Hulk Hogan Vs The Rock

:(

Their WM match is great. Despite the people involved, the age of Hogan when it happened etc… it managed to be GREAT. So a re-match sounds like a good idea, right?

Unless something drastically changes this time around, I’m gonna say this is fucking awful. Steiner/HHH awful. But it’s the main event for the show so I’m gonna endure it.

:lmao nothing bust stalling + punches for 5 minutes and then… ROCK BOTTOM :lmao. 5 minutes in and we get a fucking finisher. For a 2 count :p.

Huh, using a weight lifting belt on your opponent is perfectly legal apparently. Why more people don’t bring one to the ring to aid them makes no sense to me. IT’S LEGAL APPARENTLY.

More nothingness and then SHARPSHOOTER IN MONTREAL.

STEEL CHAIR TO THE ROCK. And the referee… doesn’t give a shit :lmao.

Oh a People’s Elbow now. Two in a row. HOGAN NO SELLS :lmao.

LEG DROP.

Apparently Hogan can kick out of a Rock Bottom in 5 minutes, then 2 Elbows in a row… but Rock needs Vince to turn the lights out after ONE Leg Drop :p.

Oh and the referee is down. The brand new ref from Montreal that we’ve never seen before tonight. That isn’t odd.

Ref hands Rock a steel chair, Rock smashes it over Hogan.

Rock Bottom. Done.

Wow. This is just wow. BAD AS FUCK. Rock/Hogan II is like Rock/Cena II. Finishers with FUCK ALL in between. Terrible.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 4

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