Time to end a pretty damn BAD PPV year with one of the better shows of the year! Ya know, assuming it holds up .
Eddie Guerrero Vs Chris Benoit- United States Championship Tournament Finals Match
Man oh man, what a way to kick off the FIRST Smackdown only PPV! A new title and a match between two of the ALL TIME great wrestlers! Shows new fans EXACTLY what SD was all about at the time!
Love how they make it FEEL like a big time match with the referee getting them both in the middle of the ring and explaining the rules. Adds to the importance of the match and makes it feel like a big boxing match.
And we go from the seriousness of that to Eddie mocking Benoit being blinded last week .
Crowd are HOT for this one, chanting for BOTH men and a smattering of “Eddie sucks” chants too .
Some great sequences between the two as they wrestle for control, with Benoit gaining the first advantage with a BRUTAL shoulder block, forcing Eddie to escape to the floor to stop any momentum Benoit was building. When he feels he’s ready, he gets back in the ring to lock up and this time EDDIE gets the better of Benoit! But unlike Eddie, Benoit doesn’t pussy out of the ring and gets right back into the thick of things!
They continue to battle for dominance, and even throw out a few quick pin attempts before Eddie gets the better of the Wolverine AGAIN and now even Benoit has to back off to the outside to stop momentum just like Eddie had to!
TOMBSTONE ATTEMPT FROM EDDIE? COUNTERED BY BENOIT!!! BENOIT WITH… A SHOULDER BREAKER! And quick as lightning Benoit DIVES at Eddie to try and lock in the Crossface!
Eddie escapes to the outside again, but Benoit is PUMPED UP and hits a suicide dive! No losing momentum this time!
Remember when TAZ was a good commentator? Seriously, there was a time when he was good. Certainly better than Lawler, as far as being a former wrestler EXPLAINING matches. He does a pretty terrific job during this match tbh.
FUCK ME at that back suplex by Eddie. Benoit lands fucking HARD on his head and he definitely looks like he was legit hurt. Eddie tries to pick him up but Benoit pushes him away and Eddie kicks him in the chest a few times before applying an arm bar so he can recover.
THUMB TO THE EYE by Eddie. Why? Because Eddie can be a PRICK when he wants . Unfortunately it just FIRES UP Benoit! SUPERMEGAFUCKINGDESTRUCTIVE BACK SUPLEX FROM THE TOP ROPE! Payback for the back suplex from earlier .
SUPERPLEX~! Revenge for the super back suplex!
FROG SPLASH~! BENOIT DOESN’T MOVE ALL THE WAY .
MOTHERFUCKING POWERBOMB~! Not quite Nitro 1995 levels of brutal, but damn that was awesome.
Benoit locks in the Crossface, but Eddie grabs the ropes. Ref has to drag Benoit off and Benoit is fucking PISSED. Eddie charges into Benoit and the poor ref is knocked down.
US TITLE BELT TO BENOIT’S FACE~! FROG SPLASH~! BENOIT KICKS OUT!!! Eddie cannot fucking believe it!
The belt didn’t quite work, so Eddie grabs it, knocks out the referee, places the belt on Benoit then collapses on the mat! One problem… the ref is OUT! Eddie is AWESOME as he tries to revive the referee while still pretending to be knocked out himself . Classic LIE, CHEAT AND STEAL moment .
CROSSFACE~! EDDIE TAPS!!! But no referee still!!! So BENOIT resorts to slapping him to revive him . Poor ref.
Benoit goes for a headbutt, but Eddie has the belt in his hand! The ref tries to remove it, so Eddie drags him in the way of the headbutt!
GORE! GORE! GORE!!! RHYNO JUST GORED THE HELL OUT OF BENOIT!!!
Eddie is as confused as the rest of us, but shrugs and hits a Frog Splash anyway! 3 count! Eddie is the first ever WWE US champ!!!
This match fucking RULES. Still .
CAL SCALE – 6
Billy Gunn Vs Jamie Noble – Indecent Proposal Match
if Noble wins, HE GETS TO FUCK TORRIE WILSON .
Noble brings out a briefcase of SEX TOYS .
The sad thing is, I already had that pic uploaded .
Taz to Cole: “HE’S GOT YOUR BRIEFCASE OMG!!!”
Billy Gunn does a STING from the… GAB 92 match I think? Where he STINGER SPASHES himself head first into the ring post like a chump. Except Billy Gunn doesn’t lose the match from that. So that means… Gunn > Sting?
at Noble MISSING a dropkick, but Gunn selling it anyway .
Leg work from Noble. Love those big kicks he lands, but he keeps going for the same thing and Billy JUMPS out of the way with his other leg and hits the ONE AND ONLY.
Unique neckbreaker from Gunn looked pretty fecking awesome. Goes for the Fameasser but his leg prevents him from hitting it, so what does he do? RKO .
Noble has survived Billy’s finisher from 2000-2001 AND an RKO. HE REALLY WANTS TO FUCK TORRIE!!!
DDT from the ropes!!! Noble has got this one in the bag… but Nidia puts Gunn’s leg on the ropes! She don’t want her man fucking another women! Torrie and Nidia both try to get involved on behalf of Gunn, but that injured leg comes back to haunt the ASS MAN… AND NOBLE WINS! NOBLE WINS! NOBLE WINS!!!
And then this whole thing ends with a FOUR WAY on SD . Solid match.
CAL SCALE – 1
DIS FUNAKI, SMUCKDAN NUM WAN ANNONCUR! He’s interviewing the APA about their INVITATIONAL BAR ROOM BRAWL MATCH! Funaki gets invited to the match! OMG THE EASTER BUNNY~!
Bradshaw Vs Farooq Vs Shannon Moore Vs Doink the Clown Vs Brother Love Vs Nunzio Vs Matt Hardy Vs Chris Kanyon Vs Danny Basham Vs Doug Basham Vs The Easter Bunny Vs Sean O’Haire Vs John Hennigan Vs Orlando Jordan Vs Funaki Vs Los Conquistadores Vs The Brooklyn Brawler Vs Johnny Stamboli Vs Chuck Palumbo Vs Matt Cappotelli Vs Spanky – APA Invitational Bar Room Brawl
at Spanky dancing on the bar to everyone’s entrance music.
Used wiki to get the names of everyone involved so no idea how accurate it actually is .
JUST BECAUSE I LOOOOOOOVE YOU, DOESN’T MEAN I LIKE YOU! Brother Love rules. Everyone go watch his 6 hour shoot.
at Sean O’Haire laughing his arse off in the background. BROTHER LOVE TAKES OUT 2 JOBBERS WITH A BAR STOOL~!
Oh man this is just pure FUN. A bunch of guys beating the shit out of each other on a bar set. Broken glass, broken tables, broken stools, broken pool cues and BROKEN BODIES .
Funaki manages to last until the final four by sitting on a stool drinking the entire match . Bradshaw does to level him with a bar stool, but poor Funaki collapses in a drunken state .
Brother Love gets taken out by Bradshaw and despite the fact FAROOQ IS STOOD NEXT TO HIM… Bradshaw wins? Apparently Farooq was knocked out already? Oh well .
CAL SCALE – 2
at Noble drooling all over Torrie’s playboy magazine .
Rey Mysterio & Billy Kidman Vs The World’s Greatest Tag Team – WWE Tag Team Championship Match
LOL at Shelton taking Rey to the mat and basically trying to dry hump him .
Rey and Kidman try to use their flippy offence to keep Shelton and Hass from using their superior mat skills, but Hass and Benjamin are also the bigger guys in the match and can use some POWER combined with their mat skills to avoid some of those high flying moves and work over Rey Rey.
Hot tag to Kidman and we get a great sequence with Rey preventing the… that double team move WGTT do, allowing Kidman to counter and set up Hass in the ring for a 619. Rey gets in the ring, tries to run the ropes and Shelton puts a stop to the 619 in the same way Rey stopped him moments earlier!
Kidman takes a sick back bump off the ring post and WGTT are like sharks smelling blood in the water, going right after the back with some good back work .
Tag to Rey… but the referee doesn’t see it!!! Ha. MOAR great back work .
POWERBOMB by Shelton!
Shelton goes for a second Powerbomb, but Kidman counters and makes the tag! at Rey doing a flip over the ropes and just kinda… kicking Shelton in the face. Think it was supposed to be a version of the West Coast Pop but the flip added into it meant he couldn’t really land right .
WEST COAST POP FOR REALSIES THIS TIME~! But Kidman has the referee distracted by mistake and Shelton charges at Mysterio’s head with his boot! 2 count only!!!
Hass is set up on the ropes, Rey runs at him, Kidman throws him in the air and Mysterio lands a Hurricanrana!!! 1…2… KICK OUT! Crowd chant “BULLSHIT” at it because fuck me that was CLOSE .
REVERSE DOOMSDAY DEVICE~! Benjamin got a blind tag while Rey was on Hass’ shoulders going for a Hurricanrana and lands a clothesline! 3 count! WGTT retain!
Great match no doubt. Like it more than my last watch. Last time I thought it was more spotty than good tag wrestling, but there was plenty of good tag shit in this for me to and combine that with some great moves, it ends up being a match I like a lot. Better than the more highly praised NM 02 tag match.
CAL SCALE – 4
Sable Vs Stephanie McMahon – No Countout Cat Fight
Remember when Stephanie ripped Sable’s top off and her tits fell out? We all do. And they show it again before the match .
FAP FAP FAP STEPHANIE’S RING ATTIRE .
Sable stays on the floor posing rather than getting in the ring, so Stephanie charges after her instead! WEDGY~!
Sable ends up kicking the shit out of Stephanie, but almost gets rolled up for a 3 count after doing her Sable grind while stood over Miss McMahon.
STEPHANIE TRYING TO KILL SABLE WITH A STEEL CHAIR~! But the ref takes it away. Man, these two are really SNUG wih the offence lol. Real slaps and those ELBOWS look great too. These two are having a better executed match than most divas today who apparently train day in and day out and have matches multiple times a week .
SABLE’S TITS~! Bah, the damn referee gives her his t-shirt . And while he does that, fucking A-TRAIN RUNS OVER STEPHANIE! Sable wins!
CAL SCALE – 1
The Undertaker Vs John Cena
“EVERYBODY GOTTA LEARN THE HARD WAY” Man the build up for this was sweeeet. Now if only we could get that fucking WRESTLEMANIA MATCH with them…
Undertaker just sat on his bike at the top of the ramp, making Cena WAIT, playing those MIND GAMES with him . Then he leaves his bike at the top of the ramp and slowly WALKS down to Cena. Cena is gonna have to think about what’s coming that little bit longer.
BITCH SLAP TO THE UNDERTAKER~! Cena ain’t no smart guy.
THOSE FUCKING PUNCHES . Referee shits himself when he tries to get ‘Taker out of the corner and Undertaker confronts him. God I love that spot in Undertaker matches .
BODY SHOTS~! Undertaker is picking apart those RIBS of Cena. Wants him to HURT.
The Undertaker is slowly picking apart Cena, beating some RESPECT into the rookie. PUNCH TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD~!
Cena is getting the beating of his life. Basically gets ZERO offence for the first 5 minutes or so. OLD SCHOOL~! CHOKESLAM~! Cena takes an AWESOME bump off the Chokeslam.
1…2… UNDERTAKER PULLS HIM UP. He ain’t done with him yet. LAST RIDE! Cena counters into a DDT!
Cena knows the DDT won’t be enough to put the Dead Man away, so while the ref is checking on him, Cena decides to expose one of the top turnbuckles! But he is having trouble taking if off, allowing Undertaker to recover and get back to beating the absolute SHIT out of the disrespectful little shit.
The turnbuckle finally gets exposed and Undertaker flies shoulder first into it! Now Cena can try and mount an offence, and he does it by targeting UNDERTAKER’S RIBS, repaying the Dead Man for what happened in the early part of the match! UNDERTAKER IS BLEEDING INTERNALLY!!!
Cena works the rib area nicely, with knees, kicks and big right hands. Undertaker keeps trying to make a comeback, but Cena continues to cut him off thanks to those injured ribs.
at how Undertaker sells the ribs on the leaping lariat, not even really jumping because it hurts too much . Crazy to think how one of the best sellers is also a guy who for most of his career has been a Dead Man/Zombie dude who no sells shit.
CHAIN TO UNDERTAKER’S RIBS~! CENA IS STALKING UNDERTAKER, SETTING UP FOR THE F-U!!! IT’S OVER!!!
NO! UNDERTAKER KICKS OUT!!! Cena is beyond pissed! And when you get pissed off, you make MISTAKES, and Cena makes one HUGE mistake by mounting Undertaker in the corner and getting a LAST RIDE! This one is done, but Cena was THIS FUCKING CLOSE to putting away the Dead Man!!!
Awesome, awesome match. The early beating on Cena is great, with Undertaker doing what he said he was gonna do; beat some respect out of Cena. Cena managed to capitalise one ONE mistake by Undertaker and that’s all it took for him to bust those ribs up and make UNDERTAKER PAY. And just like Cena capitalised one ONE mistake, Undertaker did the same only Cena’s was far worse and ended the match. A wonderful performance by Undertaker as both the BAD ASS guy destroying this young rookie, and the FIP selling the absolute shit out of his ribs. And Cena did a great job bumping around for the Dead Man, then looked great on offence and working over such a legend. Think I like this more than the Angle match from No Mercy tbh.
CAL SCALE – 5
Vince McMahon Vs Zach Gowen
Oh man, 2003 was the year of Vince being the BIGGEST PRICK EVER. He tried to kill Hogan, then he moves on to this match against a ONE LEGGED KID, and then he round out the year by beating the shit out of his own DAUGHTER and buries Undertaker alive .
Vince is fucking DOMINATING A KID WITH ONE LEG and he clearly states he’s enjoying it . Vince is the greatest.
GOWEN MAKING A COMEBACK~! He’s bouncing around on one leg and taking it to Mr McMahon!!!
But it ain’t enough, and Vince is working over the leg of Gowen . WHAT A CUNT .
Vince is just pure EVIL and I’m loving every second of this . What a guy.
a “GOT LEGS?” sign .
HALF BOSTON CRAB~! Or is it a normal Boston Crab…? I dunno .
Gowen starts to… Gowen up or something, with some kicks to VINCE’S LEG, then begins a comeback by basically throwing himself leg first at Vince!!!
Now it’s VINCE’S TURN to feel the pain! BALLS INTO THE RING POST!
Vince is in real trouble now, he’s limping and hurting, so he decides to be an even BIGGER CUNT by bringing in a steel chair!!! The ref tries to take it away but ends up FLYING through the ropes to the floor. WHAT A REF BUMP!!
Gowen dropkicks the chair into McMahon’s head! VINCE IS FUCKING GUSHING BLOOD!!! Gowen goes for a twisting Moonsault, but misses and Vince covers for a 3 count.
Fun match with lots of good in it… BUT it does drag a bit. Goes 14 minutes, only 2 minutes less than Cena/Undertaker. Probably should have been 10 minutes or so instead imo.
CAL SCALE – 0.5
Brock Lesnar Vs Kurt Angle Vs The Big Show – WWE Championship Match
CHOKESLAM TO LESNAR IN A MINUTE~! BIG SHOW GONNA WIN THE TITLE!! Bah, Angle broke it up .
“HOLY ASS HAIR” WTF Taz?
Big Show is on fucking FIRE early on. He knows he has to keep Angle and Lesnar away from each other because they’ll just double team him. He almost beat Lesnar in a minute and now he’s mauling Angle while keeping Lesnar out of the ring too .
TIN FOIL TRASH CAN LIDS~! Big Show gets beaten to death with them or something . Angle and Lesnar try to double suplex Show, but he reverses it into a double suplex of his own! Show goes for a double chokeslam, but Lesnar and Angle double chokeslam BIG SHOW!!!
Lesnar goes for a cover, but Angle drags him off and now it’s time for these two to GET IT ON!!!
F-5 TO ANGLE!!! He rolls out of the ring, leaving Show to take an F-5 too!!! Lesnar gonna retain!!! Lesnar gonna retain!!!
NO!!! ANGLE PULLS THE REFEREE OUT!
ANGLE IS BLEEDING~! From uhhh… I saw him get thrown BACK FIRST into the steel steps so fuck knows when he got busted open . I might have blinked and missed it.
at Taz talking about HOOKERS in the ring.
at Big Show trying to climb the ropes to superplex Lesnar.
LESNAR ESCAPES AND HITS A FUCKING RUNNING POWERBOMB TO BIG SHOW. A FUCKING RUNNING POWERBOMB. TO THE BIG SHOW. HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!
Angle being busted open puts him at a disadvantage so he brings in a steel chair to even up the odds, and decks everyone with it!!! Until Show kicks it back in his face .
SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE~! ANGLE SLAM TO BIG SHOW~! THE TABLE IS DEAD~!
With Big Show out of it, it’s down to Angle and Lesnar, who is now also busted open! WM main event rematch coming up!!!
Man, Angle is fucking ROCKING Lesnar with those rights to the face! Underrated puncher back in the day was Kurt.
GOOD GOD. THAT RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX. DAMN!!!
SLEEPER HOLD . Wait… what? Great. A sleeper/body scissors in a fucking TRIPLE THREAT MATCH. Way to suck the life out of the match, Brock.
BIG SHOW IS BACK!!! Double Chokeslam incoming! HE HITS IT!! Covers Lesnar, but he kicks out!!! Covers Angle, but Brock breaks it up!
Ha, great Ankle Lock spot. Angle is on fire again and looks UNSTOPPABLE! Angle Slam to Big Show! Angle Slam to Lesnar! 1…2..3!!! New Champion!!!
Great triple threat match. Yeah, still follows the usual formula of “2 guys in, 1 guy out”, but they work it better than most matches tend to do, and other than the sleeper spot, there was always something going one without it feeling overly spotty.
CAL SCALE – 4
Overall CAL SCALE – 23.5