Taboo Tuesday 2004
Ahh, another new PPV added to the schedule in 2004. This time it’s on the Raw side of things, and rather than being a WCW event brought back from the dead.. it’s a new show. On a TUESDAY. Based around people voting for matches and stipulations on the interwebs! For what it’s worth, I liked the concept.
We start the show deciding what slutty outfits the divas should wear later tonight . Naughty Nurses, French Maids or School Girls? School Girls win.
Chris Jericho Vs Shelton Benjamin – Intercontinental Championship Match
So if I am remembering correctly, Jericho genuinely didn’t know who his opponent was until it was announced, and was told by the referee what the outcome would after the voting results were announced, and Jericho had to ask the referee what Shelton’s finisher was .
Shelton was the fan favourite in the audience, and the voting online was the same! Shelton got 37% of the votes… out of 15 people! Not bad!!!
ENZIGURI~! THIS ONE IS OVER!!!! WHAT? NO? SHELTON KICKED OUT? ISN’T THAT JERICHO’S FINISHER? Oh, no, it’s just the shitty way they ended that handicap match with Christian and Trish Vs Jericho…
Jericho is working over the back of Shelton, with some nice FOOTBALL kicks (or soccer for you ‘MURICANS) and a backbreaker where he keeps Shelton on his knee and bends him as well as clubs his mid-section for extra effect.
Aaaaand then Shelton hits a superplex.
Jericho MISSES A PUNCH.
FLYING CLOTHESLINE~! JERICHO KICKS OUT~! WHAT? ISN’T THAT SHELTON’S FINISHER? Oh, no, it’s just the shitty way they ended the Flair Vs Shelton match…
LIONSAULT CONNECTS~! Shelton kicks out though. No biggie.
Wait… isn’ THAT Jericho’s finisher? IT IS. And Shelton kicked out of it. And nobody cares.
T-BONE~! SHELTON WINS THE IC TITLE~!
Well this match is…ok. Absolutely nothing special, but a nice little match.
CAL SCALE – 1
Promos from Edge, Benoit and HBK as they try to get the fans to vote for them into the WHC match later tonight. Edge is angry and after beating HBK and Benoit the night before believes he deserves this shot. Benoit cuts a GOOD PROMO. And HBK tells us he’s injured (which he was).
Aaaaand the winner is… HBK. Urgh. HHH Vs HBK. Fuck that shit. I’M VERY DISAPPOINTED IN EVERYONE WHO VOTED. Edge walks away pissed off.
Trish Stratus Vs Stacy Keibler Vs Jazz Vs Molly Holly Vs Victoria Vs Nidia Vs Gail Kim – WWE Women’s Championship School Girl Outfit Fulfil Your Fantasy Battle Royal
FAP FAP FAAAAAP Trish looks AMAZING.
Lawler says he wants to go all the way back to kindergarten .
Jazz makes me wanna throw up.
FAP FAP Gail Kim looks great too.
FAP FAP STACY KIEBLER.
And now the entrances are done with… SKIP!
CAL SCALE – -1
Kane Vs Gene Snitsky – Weapon of Choice Match
this fucking angle. On the surface it was… disturbing, sick and offence. Yet somehow they made it funny .
IT WASN’T MY FAULT~! Snitsky punting a baby into the crowd will always be .
THE ONLY THING DEAD AROUND HERE KANE, IS YOUR BABY~!
The CHAIN is voted as the weapon!
LITA FAP FAP at ringside too.
LOL at the referee just dropping the chain in the middle of them leaving them to fight over it .
And then… Kane throws it out of the ring. Because… PUNCHES TO THE FACE~!
Oooook… after punching him in the face for about 20 seconds Kane goes outside and grabs the chain. WHY DIDN’T YOU USE IT TO START WITH?!
PUNCH TO THE FACE WITH THE CHAIN~! That beat UNDERTAKER in the chain match in 03 with Lesnar. Here, Snitsky just sells it like a normal punch .
Snitsky starts whipping Kane with the chain and I’m fairly certain the chain catches Kane in the balls at one point . SNITSKY KILLED THE CHANCE OF ANY MORE KANE BABIES!!!
LITA WANTS SNITSKY TO GO DOWN~!
Plenty of stuff in this match to satisfy people who like to see 2 big bastards beat each other… uhhh maybe I should rephrase that. Later.
DOUBLE BIG BOOT SPOT~! I’m a fan of that spot. Should happen more. Fuck the double clothesline crap.
Snitsky… brings in a steel chair and smashes it in Kane’s throat. And doesn’t get DQ’d. Because… uhhh…
After a few hard shots to the throat of Kane, Snitsky gets the chain again? Kane tries to fight back and Snitsky just fucking MAULS him with shots to the face!!!
CHAIR AROUND THE THROAT OF KANE~! SNITSKY JUMPS OFF THE ROPES ONTO IT~! KANE IS BLEEDING FROM THE MOUTH~! THE REFEREE STOPS THE MATCH~! UHHHH OR NOT~! SNITSKY PINS KANE~!
MOST of this is really good. Some dumb moments, like how Snitsky was allowed to use a chair even though the only weapon allowed was the CHAIN, but overall this is a fun big man brawl!
CAL SCALE – 2
Eric Bischoff Vs Eugene – Choose the Loser’s Fate Match
The loser becomes the winner’s servant or has to wear a dress for a month OR gets their head shaved. But we don’t get the results until AFTER the match. Which I’m skipping straight to .
Bischoff has to shave his head. Vince McMahon ends up coming out to make sure it happens, then randomly makes Coach put in the dress.
CAL SCALE – -1
La Resistance Vs Chris Benoit & Edge – World Tag Team Championship Match
So since Benoit and Edge lost a shot at the WHC… they get to face the tag champs instead lol. Normally I’d NO a Lad Resistance match, but it’s BENOIT. Plus Edge is all crazy and this might be good storyline/angle wise.
Match is average really, because La Resistance suck . One of them even manages to fuck up a FLAP JACK. Not the first time that’s happened to someone with Benoit though . At least we go get the nice storyline/character element in the match with Edge being pissed off and also distracted at the same time. At one point Benoit has to grab Edge on the outside and tell him to get back into the match because he’s too busy arguing with fans who likely voted for HBK to be in the main event over him lol.
Oh my god how long does this last? Even Edge gets fed up and fucks off lol.
Benoit beats the tag champs and wins the titles on his own.
Match lasts too long as is dull as fuck for 90% of it.
CAL SCALE – 0
Christy Hemme Vs Carmella – Lingerie Pillow Fight
So Carmella was the runner up for that diva search crap, and was kept around for a while apparently.
Christy is FAP.
CAL SCALE – -1
Triple H Vs Shawn Michaels – World Heavyweight Championship Match
What? OH THANK FUCK. Almost had a heart attack when I saw 50 minutes left on the show and thought THIS was the main event. Still got Orton/Flair to go. Phew. Bad enough I gotta sit through this garbage, never mind another 50 minute match between the two. Still got Bad Blood to go though .
So HBK was willing to wrestle a title match on a PPV with his injured leg but wouldn’t even bother with a tag match at a live event I was at in Sheffield? WHAT A SELFISH PRICK .
Ok, the bell rings and… oooo Marvel: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D is on tonight . No Person of Interest though. Fucks sake America, is it REALLY that hard to have a show run for a full season without having random weeks off ALL THE FUCKING TIME?
Anyway, the match has starts and HHH wants to go for the leg so HBK is fighting him off to save his… leg. Duh. FFS Shawn. He just want for a KICK with the injured leg. HHH caught it and now HBK is fucked. Serves him right for being so damn STUPID.
So this match isn’t BAD. It’s not their typical match because they aren’t trying to have some ***** classic epic ZOMGLEBOB match. This time HBK has the bad leg so it’s just HHH trying to maul the bad like and HBK trying to fight back. And it works. HBK does some dumb shit with the bad leg every now and then, but nothing that makes me wanna call this a horrible steaming pile of shit match lol.
HBK makes the best comeback he can make on one leg, Batista shows up, fails to cause a distraction and HHH gets SUPERKICKED TO HELL. Then EDGE shows up, Spears HBK, and HHH wins.
Like I said, this ain’t bad. It’s also nothing THAT special. Just a solid match… which is still one of their better matches together .
CAL SCALE – 1
Mr Kennedy sighting backstage.
Randy Orton Vs Ric Flair – Steel Cage Match
Orton won the WHC and Evolution kicked him out, then HHH won the title from him. Now Flair wants Orton because… HHH beating him and taking the title from him wasn’t enough? Bah who cares, OLD MAN FLAIR IN A CAGE .
Lawler makes the comment that Flair has probably had more cage matches than Orton has had matches… and when I thought about it… it could actually be true . Orton has only really been wrestling for what, 3 years at this point? Flair would have a cage match with someone at a big event back in the 70’s and 80’s… then do it about 30 more times on house shows around the country. And he did it with more than one opponent over the years too. Then add up actual TV and PPV cage matches with the NWA/Mid-Atlantic, WCW and WWF back in the day, including WAR GAMES too and DAMN, you got a LOT of fucking cage matches!!!
Both guys start off trying to kill each other with punches and chops . Flair with a LOW BLOW right in front of the referee because, fuck it, CAGE MATCH . Then he sends Orton into the side of the cage a bunch of times and Orton is BLEEDING . FLAIR MAULING A BLOODIED ORTON INSIDE A CAGE . FLAIR’S FIST IS COVERED IN ORTON’S BLOOD FROM PUNCHING HIS HEAD .
NOW FLAIR IS BLEEDING~! Once Flair sees his own blood he tries to climb out of the cage, so Orton pulls down his pants and exposes Flair’s arse… something I’ve seen far too much as a wrestling fan .
Orton is pummelling Flair, so Flair has to go back to the LOW BLOW~!
HATE~! Plenty of that here . No fancy bullshit, just both guys bleeding and punching each other in the fucking FACE. Couldn’t have asked for much more tbh.
BRASS KNUCKS~! Orton is KNOCKED OUT!!! But still manages to KICK OUT!!!
“OHHH GOD, OH MY LEG GOD DAMMIT!!!” Flair rules . He manages to grab a chair while attempting to escape, but misses and Orton hits a fucking sweeeeeeet RKO for the win!!!
Yeah this was good shit. They just beat the FUCK out of each other. They both bled. It was exactly what it SHOULD have been. And this is still only the second best cage match Flair would have at Taboo Tuesday!!!
CAL SCALE – 3
Overall CAL SCALE – 4