Big Cal Watches TNA Bound for Glory 2014 – Written Thoughts

Posted on: October 13th, 2014 by Big Cal

So this is TNA’s biggest PPV of the year. Their WRESTLEMANIA. And it’s taped. From Japan. With no world title match or even the world champion in a non title match. Half the guys on the show aren’t even on the TNA roster. not even WCW’s Starrcade in ’95 was this bad.

Manik Vs Minoru Tanaka kicks things off. No idea who Tanaka is, so don’t know what to expect from him. From what I’ve seen on Manik in the past, I ain’t expecting much from him. Come on TNA, give me a nice surprise here please.

A bunch of stupid spots with some typical “this is wrestling *clap clap clap clap clap* stuff that the US TNA audience would be splooging over. And then a botch which made me lol. I have no idea what Manik was trying to do. A GTS? It didn’t connect so fuck knows lol, but it got a 2 count anyway!!!

I like how TNA are so cheap these days, they didn’t even send Tazz and Tenay to do commentary live with the show. Instead they are in a studio in the US and I’m assuming they are doing the commentary as they watch the taped PPV while it airs .

Some footage of the Dudley Boys is shown, sounds like we’ll get clips throughout the night to celebrate their TNA careers since they went into the HOF the night before. Jebus, forgot how FAT Bubba used to be until he slimmed down and got into shape for his Bully gimmick. And speaking of fat, Animal and Rick Steiner, their opponents in the match we’re seeing footage from, are both massive too lol. I see Rick didn’t stay in shape like his brother .

EC3 is undefeated? Huh. This might be the least important streak ever in wrestling . EC3 mocks the crowd and… still gets pops . My guess is they just didn’t understand him .

Fuck me, look at the size of that bastard! Ryota Hama. More like Alota Ham. He looks hilarious too. He looks so damn short, but is fatter than even yo mamma .

Thinking I shouldn’t be expecting a classic here. Unless the definition of classic has changed since I last checked.

one of Hama’s moves is literally just ROLLING OVER his opponent .

at EC3’s selling of the running ass bump in the corner. Gonna go out on a limb here and say NOTHING tops that on the rest of the show.

STINK FACE~! Eat your heart out Rikishi.

EC3 hits a low blow on Hama right in front of the referee… but the referee apparently didn’t see it. Probably because of all the fat .

EC3’s streak continues as he enters his second year with the company. Well done. Your streak doesn’t mean a damn thing and neither did this match!!! In fact, do ANY of the matches on this show actually mean anything? Beyond a couple of titles simply being on the line? An episode of NXT is more important than this show .

Oh god this isn’t going well. I’m even getting pissed at the stupidity from a match they are showing footage of as part of the Dudley celebration thing .

Oh joy, MVP. And his opponent is Kazma Sakamoto. Sakamoto? Was he the slave boy for Lord Tensai?

oh shit they actually REMIND EVERYONE that Sakamoto was Tensai’s “follower” . Might as well have Cole on Raw remind us that Kane used to be an evil dentist…

Note to MVP: Stop punching in matches. You suck at it. Badly.

Sakamoto gets kicked over the guardrail and lands on a women’s lap, then just sticks his head in her tits while he “rests” .

Note to Sakamoto: Also stop punching in matches. You suck at it. More than MVP.

Oh my god SHUT UP MIKE (Tenay, not Texan). How about you talk about the MATCH or at least put over the fucking company you work for? Instead he’s constantly sucking on Japan’s cock. HEY EVERYONE IN THE 60’S I SAW A MATCH BETWEEN A JAPANESE STAR AND AN AMERICAN STAR! ISN’T THAT WONDERFUL? HEY, LET ME TELL YOU MORE RANDOM SHIT!!!

Damn, I think MVP actually has the better KICKS than his JAPANESE opponent. That’s pretty insane tbh lol.

Not much to say about the match here other than both guys looked shit for most of it.

Samoa Joe defends his X-Division title next against Low Ki and Kaz Hayashi. at Kaz’s theme music.

How come like, almost all the Japanese stars on this show are getting booed?

Double Crossface spot was cool, never seen that before.

The fuck edited this show together? Hey, Ki and Joe are battling in the corner… QUICK, SHOW THE CROWD~! And not just a quick reaction shot either, they pan around half the fucking audience .

The referee is called STIFLER? Come on TNA, make an angle out of that please. I can imagine the backstage segments now!!!

Joe wins. Match was ok-ish. Had some fun moments, and some dumb moments.

TNA Bound for Glory. TNA. So let’s have a NON TNA MATCH!!! Yusuke Kodama & Kuroshimo Ikemen Jiro Vs Andy Wu & Hijo Del Pantera. Kuroshimo looks like some Japanese tranny or something tbh.

Andy Wu might be the best wrestling name ever. Oh wow, Kodama has been involved in matches against the likes of Tommy Dreamer and Mikey Whipwreck. So glad Tenay is commentating…

Kuroshimo’s gimmick seems to be that he loves his hair. That’s it.

How to describe this match? Hmmm…

VERY VERY VERY FLIPPY FLIPPY FLIPPY.

I just had no reason to care about the match. ESPECIALLY ON THE BIGGEST “TNA” PPV OF THE YEAR. It was a pointless, meaningless exhibition. Just like virtually the entire card.

Oh man the TNA HOF “ceremony” just looks so damn cheap. And that sucks because the Dudleys deserve better. Let’s hope they make the WWE HOF next year, since I think they are now no longer with TNA?

Time for those DAMN DUDLEYS to have what I’m assuming is their last TNA match? They are facing the random team of Dreamer and… for some reason, Abyss. On the subject of Dreamer… who cries more? Him of Flair?

Dreamer pays tribute to TERRY FUNK with his look. Always wondered what Funk would look like if he was fat and untalented .

Shouldn’t this match be the main event btw? Oh, of course not, gotta have DEM JAPANESE STARS in the main event. Fuck me another hour still to go? I think I prefer the 2 hour “PPV specials” on TV lol. They go much quicker .

HEY TAZZ THESE GUYS ARE ALL KNOWN FOR HARDCORE WRESTLING SO LET ME LIST OFF A TON OF RANDOM WRESTLERS ALSO KNOWN FOR BEING HARDCORE!!!

at the spot with Abyss countering the Dudleys and throwing them into each other. I think I put more effort into my french test back at school . AND I DIDN’T EVEN BRING A PEN WITH ME TO ONE OF THE TESTS .

what the fuck? Some guy in the crowd has a sign saying “I’m Deaf” .

BELL TO ABYSS’ BELL END~!

Is this even a hardcore match btw? The referee seems to be waving his arms like “NOOOOOO DON’T DO THAT” but nobody gives a fuck.

Can Abyss run? He kinda looks like he’s TRYING to run but his speed is that of a normal person walking.

I never thought I’d wish Cole and Lawler were on commentary, but fuck, Tazz and Tenay are just awful.

Abyss does a “T-Rex has small arms” impression to sell effects of thumbtacks. 3D to Dreamer and thank fuck this one is over with. Good god .

Havok Vs Velvet Sky for the knockouts title. the video package for the match is all about Havok Vs Gail Kim . This is yet another RANDOM MATCH on the show! Yey! LOL.

I like how Havok was always conveniently in the right corner for Velvet to double axe handle smash her. Almost like wrestling isn’t real .

someone in the front row is busy texting rather than watching this classic in the making.

Yey history lesson time from Tenay who decides to randomly name some female Japanese wrestlers.

So this sucked big time. Nice to see the knockouts are still better than the divas though .

Finally, main event time. Almost done with this pathetic excuse for a PPV. James Wyatt & Sanada Vs Muta and TAJIRI. Just look at the sheer TALENT in this match! We have TAJIRI and… TAJIRI!!!

Urgh, Muta is starting this match out? I hope he tags out quickly and just stands on the apron for most of the match. Great Muta? Nah. Shitty Muta? Sounds about right .

they are chanting for James Storm.

TAJIRI KICKS~!

Best part of this match? Tajiri and Sanada spend about a full minute under the ring while Storm and Muta just wait .

This was awful. The match and the show. Just awful.

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