So I always like to end my PPV Rambles with the better/most interesting PPV to me of the year. People told me I should save SummerSlam for last because it’s the best. So I’m doing it first and saving Vengeance for last. Suck it .
Orlando Jordan Vs Chris Benoit – WWE United States Championship Match
Best match of Orlando’s career.
CAL SCALE – 0
THIS IS ABOUT YOU WINNING AGAINST REY BEING BETTER THAN HIM. I can see why WWE decided to give Vickie a mic after this, she’s clearly a natural speaker…
Matt Hardy Vs Edge
I actually watched this not too long ago and thought it was fucking wonderful. Totally watching it again though. Because, you know. WONDERFUL.
How awesome was this feud btw? They took something that was very real, and because of fans reaction to Matt getting fired, then HAD to bring him back. And before they officially announced him being back, a lot of his run-ins felt very “real”, or at least more so than your typical angle. Just a shame the feud only seemed to elevate Edge and not Matt.
Coach: YOU’RE NOT GONNA SEE A WRESTLING HOLD IN THIS MATCH, NOT A SINGLE ONE
Straight after Coach says that, Hardy applies a sleeper .
Matt throws some wicked shots at Edge. Totally fucking potatoing him. HEADBUTT FROM EDGE~!
SPEAR THROUGH THE ROPES TO THE FLOOR~!
MOAR stuff shots from Matt . This is just a fucking FIGHT and it’s beautiful.
Fucking hell Matt takes one hell of a shot to the face with the ring post. That’s it for Matt. He’s bleeding and he’s fucked. Edge goes straight to work on the open wound, and just keeps PUNCHING IT.
KNEE’S TO THE FACE~!
MULTIPLE KICKS TO THE FACE~!
The referee calls for the bell. Matt cannot continue. This was short, sweet and BRUTAL. Love it. Perfect match for the feud. Cannot wait to see their cage match again .
CAL SCALE – 2
Eddie Guerrero Vs Rey Mysterio – Custody of Dominick Ladder Match
I’m so fucking excited to see the JD and GAB matches between these two. I’m also very pleased I’ve already done my WM 21 ramble so I don’t have to sit through their awful match there. This one though? Well… I’m not hyped for it… but it’s not something I consider to be awful. Just wish the whole Dominick story didn’t get in the way of Eddie and Rey’s feud. They were doing perfectly fine with Eddie simply wanting to beat Rey, then turning heel because he NEEDED to beat Rey no matter the cost. But no, WWE had to throw in the whole “Eddie is really Dominick’s father” crap.
Fucking awesome seated senton over the ropes to Eddie on the floor, which looked even better due to the fact Eddie was holding a ladder and Rey avoided it and landed perfectly on Eddie’s face .
BOTCH~! Eddie went for a sunset flip powerbomb, but let go of Rey and both guys just fall to the floor lol.
HI-LO TO REY SANDWICHED BETWEEN LADDERS~! Which is something I always hate. RVD does it in like, every ladder match ever but with a rolling thunder. And it’s always dumb, because whoever delivers the move HURTS THEMSELVES. Surely doing the move to someone on a ladder hurts enough, right? No sense in putting another ladder on top of them so you hurt both of you. Right?
Oh sweet jebus. Eddie gets back body dropped off the ladder onto another ladder, which looks sick, then the ladder Rey was on collapses and his crashes and burns too. No wonder his knees are fucked.
Rey takes another sick ladder bump, leaving Eddie to climb the ladder! And then… Dominick comes into the ring and tries to shake the ladder… but the kid is 8 years old and probably couldn’t shift the ladder with nobody on it. Looks more hilarious than a kid desperate to save Rey.
I’M YOUR NEW DADDY NOW~! Heel Eddie rules.
Rey hits a 619 to Eddie who is holding a ladder, and he fucks up his knees AGAIN. So what does he do to follow it up? LEGDROP THE LADDER~! Rey is absolutely DESTROYING his own legs. In a match where you have to CLIMB A LADDER to win. What a fucking moron .
SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB OFF THE LADDER~! Rey manages to execute it properly .
Rey is about to win until… Eddie kicks the ladder out from under him, and catches a falling Rey with a fucking terrific Powerbomb. Which Cole keeps calling a spinebuster until Tazz corrects him .
Eddie pins Rey with the ladder, and forces him to watch as he climbs. Very slowly. He waves at Rey and mocks him as he edges closer to the briefcase… almost as if something was supposed to happen but didn’t… .
Now Eddie is hanging as Rey moves the ladder!!!
WHERE THE FUCK WAS VICKIE?!?! Eddie is pissed and starts punching the mat lol. She can’t say one sentence and have it make sense and she can’t show up for a spot at the right time. SHE SHOULD BE THE GM!!!
Ahhh, here she comes! Better late than never… I guess. She’s out here to stop Eddie, and even shoves him off the ladder!!! It’s not that she’s doing the right thing for Rey and Dominick… it’s that she doesn’t want another kid in the house .
Match is ok, good even. But their weakest match from their 05 series outside of the awful, awful WM bout. Even if they didn’t botch a few things here and there it wouldn’t have been great imo.
CAL SCALE – 2
Eugene Vs Kurt Angle
For some reason Christy Hemme dressed as a cheerleader is out with Eugene. Retards get all the girls .
So Eugene is in possession of Angle’s gold medal. I forget why. I don’t really care.
Eugene extends his hand for a handshake at the start of the match and Angle just runs over and decks him . Like SummerSlam last year, the fans HATE Euegen and cheer him getting fucking destroyed .
Unlike SS last year though, Angle isn’t having to resort to cheating to get the better of a retard. Instead he’s just KILLING him because he’s KURT FREAKIN’ ANGLE.
Angle destroys Eugene for a while, then Eugene comes back by using multiple finishers from guys like Rock and Austin, and very nearly actually fucking wins lol, but Angle is a MACHINE and makes Eugene tap out.
Super fun. Far better than the HHH match with Eugene last year.
CAL SCALE – 1
FAP FAP FAP DIVAS IN BIKINI’S WASHING A CAR AND GETTING ALL WET AND SOAPY BECAUSE FAP FAP FAP.
The Undertaker Vs Randy Orton
They had a classic at WM, and then Orton uhhh… got “injured” for about 30 days or something . But their feud picked right back up, and we are treated to a second PPV bout between these two .
Orton immediately puts a stop to Undertaker’s traditional start of cornering his opponent and hitting those big rights and lefts, buy simply rolling out of the ring so he can start this match off on HIS terms. And as a result he ends up getting SLAPPED in the face that looked more deadly than most guy’s punches. Still nothing on the FUNKER though!
The old HEADLOCK from Orton looks to come into play early, but Undertaker is having none of that and instead counters with a headlock of his own! Nobody, NOBODY is gonna get the better of the Dead Man!
Now Undertaker can begin to work HIS pace, slowly wearing down Orton with his typical arm work we often see from him.
Oh man, Orton basically being terrified when Undertaker drags him over into the corner for Old School is . But that FEAR allows Orton to counter VINTAGE UNDERTAKER!
Poor Orton, he keeps countering some classic Undertaker moves, but just keeps running head on into a big boot lol. Orton takes it about as well as JBL takes them… which puts him on top of the pile!
The Dead Man slows the pace down again, just taking his time to punch Orton right in the fucking face. But as cocky and arrogant as Orton is; he IS fucking talented. Undertaker makes ONE mistake, and Orton jumps on it like his life depends on it! Love the DDT in the ropes, I guess a precursor to what is now a signature move from Orton. Undertaker was sent over the ropes after missing a running knee in the corner, and as he’s trying to get back in Orton just runs over to him and smashes his head into the mat with that DDT. Beautiful. He saw an opening and he TOOK IT. And he’s gonna HAVE to do that in order to beat Undertaker here tonight.
Undertaker is hurting now, but as always he keeps fighting back no matter what. Love him punching the fuck out of Orton’s ribs while Orton is working his knee over. Man oh man, Undertaker’s selling is just tremendous even as he’s trying to go on the offence. Crazy to think that one of the best sellers in the HISTORY of the business is a guy with a ZOMBIE GIMMICK who no sells shit.
Great little sequence with Undertaker slowly building momentum, and beginning to roll out some of his signature moves… but the bad knee prevents him from gaining enough speed coming off the snake eyes, and Orton smashes right into him with a dropkick!
ORTON GOING FOR A TOMBSTONE~! But like at WM, he can’t get it! Undertaker reverses and looks to land it and end the match the same way he did at WM… but Orton manages to counter this time right into his backbreaker!!!
FLYING CROSSBODY~! UNDERTAKER ROLLS THROUGH AND LANDS A FUCKING CHOKESLAM!!!
And then the match stops as some crazy fucking fan shows up, causing enough distraction to give Orton chance to recover and catch the Dead Man with an RKO! ORTON BEATS THE UNDERTAKER!!!
Of course, the fan turns out to be none other than COWBOY BOB ORTON!!!
What a fucking terrific match. Even BETTER than their WM match. Undertaker’s selling is magnificent. Orton’s offence is focused and awesome. He’s clearly learnt from their WM match and was able to counter the Dead Man at key moments and capitalise on EVERY opportunity he could. Love it.
CAL SCALE – 7
John Cena Vs Chris Jericho – WWE Championship Match
Bah, not looking forward to this one. I’ve never liked the chemistry between these two. A while back a bunch of people were pimping their 2008 match, when Cena returns and wins the title. I watched it and thought it was pretty bad .
The wrestler vs the brawler… at least that’s what WWE are telling us it is. And to be fair, the match IS worked like that so far. Jericho is using a headlock and a suplex and wrestling CHOPS and whatnot, while Cena is tackling Jericho and throwing bombs in his face every chance he gets. But Jericho also switches things up and throws some punches of his own and seems to get the better of Cena on a few occasions so… there goes the whole “wrestler vs brawler” story right out the window .
Cena is throwing some AWFUL punches. Made even worse by the fact this is following an UNDERTAKER match, who is arguably a top 5 puncher of all time.
at the fans cheering like crazy when Cena goes for his diving shoulder tackle and ends up going face first into the mat because Jericho moved.
Crowd adds a great atmosphere to the match with a pretty damn long “lets go Jericho/lets go Cena” chant. EVen in 05 you can clearly hear that it’s the MEN chanting against Cena and the women and children chanting for Cena .
Aside from some dumb moments early on in the match, they DO stick with the “wrestler vs brawler” story, with Cena doing little more than punches and clotheslines most of the time, and Jericho out-wrestling Cena, countering shit and hitting the more flashy offence.
a “THAT WAS 3” count from the crowd following a very near fall. Aaaand then an F-U and Cena wins lol.
Match is good. Better than I remembered. Hot crowd makes the final part of the match feel really big too. Still, nothing special here whatsoever, but still likely their best match together . I’m happy.
CAL SCALE – 2
Batista Vs JBL – No Holds Barred World Heavyweight Championship Match
Maybe the NHB stip will make this watchable. Because these 2 guys hitting each other with weapons HAS to be better than them trying to wrestle, right?
JBL was given the chance to name ANY stip he wanted for this match. And he went with NHB. Wow. For a guy as smart as JBL he really lacked creativity here. I’d have made it a “Batista instantly loses the title” match or something. But that’s just me .
They waste no time battering each other at the top of the rampway and where the electrical equipment is, and only a few minutes into the match Batista is spearing JBL through the barricade. And 20 seconds later JBL IS IN CONTROL OF THE MATCH. That be some fecking bullshit.
JBL stars whipping Batista with a belt, then decides to choke him… but puts it around his CHIN by mistake… AND BATISTA HELPS JBL OUT BY MOVING THE BELT AROUND HIS NECK .
A little bit of brawling and then…
SPINEBUSTER~! BATISTA BOMB~! And Batista DOESN’T go for the cover! Because he wants to make JBL suffer.
BATISTA BOMB ON THE STEEL STEPS~! This is over.
This was far shorter than I was expecting. Gonna look it up but I think it was under 10 minutes.
Yep, 9 minutes 5 seconds according to the wikipedia.
While I definitely agree with this getting a short amount of time… it actually felt TOO rushed lol. They brawl in the crowd a little… then JBL gains control and punches Batista in the face for a bit… and then Batista wins. Still, it didn’t suck, so it totally has that going for it lol.
CAL SCALE – 0.5
Shawn Michaels Vs Hulk Hogan
How awesome was the first superkick to Hogan that set this match up?
HBK should have been a heel for a LOT longer after this match. He was babyface his entire return run from 02 to 2010, except for the few weeks to build this match up because Hogan didn’t want to do face vs face. So if it was actually up to Shawn he would have NEVER been heel at all. Which is a fucking shame because heel HBK is sooo damn good.
Oh well, we at least have this one match to remember him by . For one night only, HBK returns to the COKE and is a complete and total prick!!!
Fook me that initial pop for Hogan’s theme. Love that it was the old REAL AMERICAN theme and not Voodo Chile, which I never thought was a good fit for Hogan.
Hogan is just nonstop making weird grunting noises for like the first 5 minutes of this match . It’s almost like HHH is throwing a punch .
Total Hogan show early on, with him powering HBK around, punching him in the face and… moar powering him around lol. And I mean “total Hogan show” in terms of offence. It’s a total HBK show in terms of him bumping around like a fucking goof .
HBK KEEPS BITCH SLAPPING HOGAN~!
Hogan continues to dominate until… FACE SMASH INTO THE RINGPOST~! TWICE~!
Now we have HBK targeting the head of the Hulkster, with Hogan having to use his raw power to throw HBK off him to gain some distance.
HOGAN IS BLEEDING~!
Man, HBK’s arm is fucking COVERED in Hogan’s blood while applying the sleeper.
ELBOW DROP~! MISS~! HULK UP~!
HBK COUNTERS A BIG BOOT WITH A FLYING ELBOW~!
Heel HBK comes out to play properly here, as he looks to go for another elbow, asks the fans if they wanna see it… then basically tells them to fuck off and applies the SHARPSHOOTER instead .
ANOTHER REF BUMP~!
CHAIR TO THE FACE~!
THE BAND IS TUNING UP~!
SWEET~! CHIN~! MUSIC~!
HOGAN KICKS OUT AND HULKS UP AND THE FANS ARE SPLOOGING ALL OVER THEMSELVES~!
THAT BIG BOOT BUMP~!
Man, what a fucking blast lol. I was actually quite surprised by how LITTLE Shawn actually oversold like a prick. The match has a reputation for HBK going to extreme levels of bumping… but honestly I didn’t see him do ANYTHING like that except for the bump off the big boot right at the end of the match. And that bump was fucking hilarious and awesome anyway lol, so fuck the haters, if there are any .
CAL SCALE – 3
Overall CAL SCALE – 17.5