The Great American Bash 2005
I’m actually really looking forward to watching this show. For ONE match and one match only, but it’s one of my favourite matches so… .
MNM Vs Road Warrior Animal & Heidenreich – WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Thought about skipping this match, but I miss MNM so I’m gonna sit through it anyway.
Who the fuck looked at Animal and Heidenreich and thought “HEY LETS PUT THESE TWO TOGETHER AS A NEW VERSION OF THE ROAD WARRIORS!!”? Probably Johnny Ace, being jelous of his brother’s success .
Animal has dedicated this match to Hawk. So either we’re getting new tag champs or Animal is gonna look like a disappointing prick .
Mercury is killing it early on, taking a couple of somewhat basic bumps but milking the fuck out of them, going to the outside, holding his face and having Melina check on him lol.
MNM gain control with their great tag work and a little bit of cheating too . They take out the legs of Heidenreich and use some pretty cool and unique holds on him to work over the leg. Dammit, I think I’m gonna have to do some big MNM project at some point. Once I finish up my 06 project. Undertaker in 2008 project. ECW 2010 project. Probably some other project I’ve started and forgotten .
Hot tag to Animal who runs through both opponents, until he takes a shot to the face with one of the tag belts!
1…2… KICK OUT! Animal is doing this for Hawk, and he ain’t giving up that easy!
DOOMSDAY DEVICE! DOOMSDAY DEVICE! DOOMSDAY DEVICE!
WE’VE GOT NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!!
Well this was a solid match. Not that much too it beyond MNM looking great as a team. They just attack Heidenreich’s leg for a while before Animal makes a hot tag, and then the match is over about a minute later . Feel good moment I guess with Animal winning the tag belts for Hawk.
CAL SCALE – 1
Eddie asks for some interview time. He’s creepy as FUCK. Awesome . Love that he’s wearing an “Eddie stole my other shirt” shirt. HE STOLE HIS OWN SHIRT. Wait… does it count as stealing if it was yours to begin with?
Eddie tells us that there is a new stipulation for the match with Rey tonight; Rey’s son Dominick gets to be at ringside to watch the match!
Christian Vs Booker T
The beginning of the end for Christian in WWE until 2009 . He was red hot on Raw… so they moved him to SD. And did fuck all with him. BECAUSE THAT’S HOW VINCE ROLLS. Prick.
Hell, if I had to wrestle Booker fucking T on PPV I’d leave the company too .
This match is taken place because Christian attacked Booker T from behind before a match. So what happens here? Booker T attacks Christian from behind on the outside to start the match. Fucking hypocrite!
Booker ends up going shoulder first into the ring post and Christian is in control.
ANACONDA VICE BY CHRISTIAN~!
Nothing special whatsoever here. Booker isn’t exactly setting the world on fire with his selling, and Christian is kinda dull controlling the match too. He IS a much better face after all, but still. Boooring here.
Christian for some reason decides to grab Sharmell. Guess he wants some of her like Angle did . He gets slapped for his trouble, and walks right into a Book End!
CHRISTIAN KICKS OUT OF A BOOK END!!! Take THAT, suckaaaa!
From there they at least create some excitement with a cool finishing stretch. Some kickouts etc but never wasting their finishers aside from that Book End, which Christian only kicked out of because Booker was too hurt to cover straight away.
In the end it takes a Scissors Kick from the SECOND ROPE to put Christian away.
Dull first half, great second half. Shame Booker had to win though.
CAL SCALE – 0.5
Orlando Jordan Vs Chris Benoit – WWE United states Championship Match
The thought of watching an OJ match makes me wanna punch someone in the face. BUT I’ve been told that this is actually pretty good. It has BENOIT in it so how bad could it possibly be, right?
Wow, 40 years of the US title this year (2014).
They mention on commentary that Benoit and Eddie had a match on SD days before. EVERYONE GO WATCH THAT MATCH NOW. It’s fucking incredible, and probably their second best match in WWE together (behind Vengeance 03. Fuck the haters!).
Benoit is his usual intense and violent self at the start of the match, really taking it to OJ. He does that clothesline/axehandle smash like move coming off the ropes and fuck me I have no idea how OJ even got back up after that.
OJ targets the arm of Benoit in hopes of gaining some sort of control in this match. Benoit sells it well, and OJ… doesn’t thrill me with his arm work lol. You are in the ring with fucking CHRIS BENOIT. Sitting in a sodding arm lock should not even enter your mind tbh. WORK. THE. HOLD.
OJ does that stupid “O J” sign with his finger, allowing Benoit an opportunity to double leg him and punch him in the fucking face . I’ve said it a billion times but I LOVE Benoit’s style and how he makes opponents WORK for control. He’s always looking for openings and will ALWAYS take them, forcing his opponent to take back the control and make sure they don’t give the guy any more opportunities for offence.
For some reason OJ decides to go after Benoit’s neck… after spending half the match focusing on the arm. Then after about 2 minutes of attacking the neck… he’s right back to the arm. Make up your fucking mind dammit.
Benoit looks great during his comeback, sells well still, with the arm work coming into play as OJ is able to break the grip during a German Suplex attempt at one point. Nice little touch.
They end up battling in the corner, and OJ removes the turnbuckle pad and sends Benoit face first into it! JORDAN WINS!
Overall a really good match, but it could have been better had OJ done more than sit in holds. It’s these small things that prevent a match from really being great. Luckily everything else is spot on. I doubt OJ has ever or will ever have a match this good again.
CAL SCALE – 3
The Undertaker Vs Muhammad Hassan – #1 Contender Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
Hassan. Gets moved to SD, feuds with Undertaker… and happens to have a bunch of terrorists come out and choke Undertaker… the same week as terrorists set off bombs in London. And so his career was over. Some people say it was a shame. For him personally, yeah it was. However as a fan, I don’t think it was a shame at all. He sucked. His heat could have been generated by ANYONE. He was anti-American. It’s been done a million times. And by much more talented people that him.
Terrorists have surrounded the ring for the match. Because apparently WWE didn’t learn their lesson…
Hassan botches escaping from Undertaker. He was going from corner to corner, ducking punches and running away… and at one point ends up getting punched in the top of his head .
possibly the GOAT “ref runs away from Undertaker” spot, with the referee diving out of the ring and landing wrong, so he ended up taking a bump to the floor .
While the referee recovers, TERRORISTS ATTACK THE UNDERTAKER. I just can’t get over the fact WWE have TERRORISTS on PPV .
Awesome shot from Undertaker, and Hassan takes it like he really got punched in the face. He just fucking collapses:
Any time Undertaker starts to mount some offence, those TERRORISTS keep getting involved and choking him out with wire.
at some of the faces Undertaker is throwing out while in a Camel Clutch:
CHOKESLAM~! Undertaker wins!!!
After the match, the TERRORIST attack the Dead Man, but end up being MURDERED one by one.
And then finally, the career of Muhammad Hassan is ENDED by The Undertaker!!!
Match is pretty crappy. Hassan does fuck all. Undertaker hits moves, the TERRORISTS attack Undertaker, Hassan tries to pin Undertaker. Rinse and repeat until Undertaker wins.
CAL SCALE – 0
bWo Vs Mexicools
Well, TERRORISTS tried to kill Undertaker and Undertaker tried to kill Hassan… so let’s follow that with a comedy match! Yey!
the Mexicools give the Spanish Announce Team a rake .
Mexicools come out on ride on lawn mowers, so the bWo come out on big wheels .
at Psicosis screaming in terror as Steve and Nova Irish Whip Meanie into him in the corner .
Mexicools win. Not much else to see. Mindless fun match and nothing more.
CAL SCALE – 0
Eddie Guerrero Vs Rey Mysterio – If Eddie wins, he will reveal Rey’s secret
This is gonna be EPIC.
Oh god, Eddie is GOAT before the match even begins. Demanding that Rey shake his hand and they both smile at Dominick and then hug. Eddie is such a piece of shit, it’s AWESOME. He’s entertaining as hell, but at the same time you still absolutely wanna hate him because he’s being such a CUNT .
At JD, Rey was all about wanting to beat the shit out of Eddie for revenge. Here it’s a different match completely, with Rey trying to go for numerous quick pins in hopes of ending this one quick and putting this “secret” to rest for good.
Eddie gets crotched in the corner… AND SELLS HIS TESTICLES. If that isn’t the greatest sell job in history then I don’t know what is.
Oh man, Rey is superb too. He gets ONE opening and quick as a fucking flash he’s sent Eddie into the ropes, hit a 619 and landing the West Coast Pop!!!
EDDIE KICKS OUT~!
Eddie kicked out and Rey is nearly CRYING because he didn’t win the match. Amazing. Eddie is playing the evil cunt heel to perfection and Rey is playing his part to perfection too.
Oh man, more Eddie cunty heel schtick. He grabs Dominick and puts him between himself and Rey. Then when he lets him go and Rey checks on him, Eddie attacks Rey from behind!!!
All the while Eddie keeps looking back over at Dominick and smiling .
Between being a complete DICK, Eddie is of course trying to win the match. Working over the back of Mysterio, as well as being a DICK and stomping on his head etc.
Mysterio is in almost a life or death situation though, so no matter what Eddie does, he cannot put Rey away!
Another flurry of offence from Rey, which leads to him going for a legdrop off the ropes, only to miss. Eddie is as he gets back up and starts DANCING WITH JOY at the fact he missed the legdrop, and then hits the 3 Amigos!!!
BRAINBUSTER~! Eddie Vs Murdoch in a Brainbuster match please. If heaven exists it’s probably already happened .
FROGSPLASH~! Eddie is cocky as fuck, looks over at Dominick again… then gets caught in a flash pin by Rey!!!! REY DID IT! REY DID IT!!!
I need to start up smoking just so I can have a cigarette every time I finish watching this match. Glorious. I don’t think STARS~! could ever do this match justice… that being said, I’m gonna slap some on it anyway. Fuck the haters, it’s happening. And it deserves EVERY star it’s getting. This match is perfect. PERFECT. Storytelling is off the charts. Character work from both men makes every main eventer on the main roster in WWE right now look like they’ve been in the business for a week. The actual in ring work is possibly underrated too, because it DOES get overshadowed by everything else, but there is NOTHING that can be pointed to as being anything short of fantastic imo.
CAL SCALE – 9
Torrie Wilson Vs Melina – Bra & Panties Match – Special Guest Referee Candice Michelle
FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.
CAL SCALE – 0
Batista Vs JBL – World Heavyweight Championship Match
33 minutes still left on the DVD. Even if they take up 13 minutes with the video package and entrances… that STILL leaves 20 minutes for the match .
Video package and entrance are over. 25 minutes left still .
They fumble about and brawl or something… then JBL sits in rest holds to wear down Batista. I read an article on “What if Sega still made consoles”. It was pretty shit but I had more fun reading it that sitting through most of this match.
Ref bump. Orlando Jordan. Cheating. Batista decks JBL with a chair and gets DQ’d. After all of that, the match ends in a fucking DQ?
CAL SCALE – 0
Overall CAL SCALE – 13.5