Survivor Series 2005
THE UNDERTAKER RETURNS TONIGHT!!!! And probably some matches too. Whatever. UNDERTAKER~!
a “where’s Sting?” sign in the crowd. 9 years later, not much has changed . (EDIT: Well gosh, 9 years later at the SVS PPV, which happened months after I wrote this ramble… and bugger me, STING debuts lol)
Booker T Vs Chris Benoit – Best of 7 Series for the WWE United States Championship – Match 1
Not sure what to do here. One the one hand, I wanna avoid this like Booker T avoids talent. One the other hand, people tend to praise this match.
Those people can go to hell.
CAL SCALE – -1
Bischoff tells Vince he plans to screw Cena tonight. Cena shows up. Makes a gay comment. Vince tries to act black. Calls Cena the N word. Walks past Booker T. Greatest. Segment. Ever.
Trish Stratus Vs Melina – WWE Women’s Championship Match
Mickie James is at ringside too .
So this match takes place because MNM kidnapped Trish and… challenged her to a match. Was the kidnapping part REALLY needed?
CROSS BODY~! Trish launches herself on all 3 members of MNM!
Yes, I’m fully aware that I just skipped a CHRIS BENOIT match and am now sitting through Melina Vs Trish. Suck it.
Melina is nice and aggressive early on, and really smashes the shit out of Trish’s back in the corner with some elbows. Tazz and Joey nearly end up in a fight due to the whole “Raw Vs Smackdown” thing that’s going on at the time .
Oooook, Mickie James and Melina go at it on the outside and… no DQ. While the referee is busy watching those 2 go at it, Nitro and Mercury set up Trish for the Snap Shot! Referee catches them in the act and… no DQ. Because… STUFF~! Instead he sends them to the back.
Ah well, I’m glad the match is continuing because it’s been pretty good so far. Melina is really working over Trish’s back and looks more competent in the ring than I remember her being. Though I rarely actually sat through the women matches even in 05 so fuck knows how much good stuff I might have missed (guessing NOT A LOT tbh lol).
MELINA IS A SCREAMER .
STIFF ELBOWS FROM TRISH~!
Some nice counters leading into the finish, including Mickie moving Trish out of the way on the apron to avoid getting hit!
This was actually good lol.
CAL SCALE – 0.5
Ric Flair Vs Triple H – Last Man Standing Match
Bah. They had a fucking EPIC match at Taboo Tuesday. One of the best cage matches ever. And then they go on to have this match. And it’s a pile of shite. I know because I watched it not too long ago. I was hoping it would be great and somehow I’d just not “got it” before. Nope. Still sucked. Expecting it to still suck this time around. But I’m gonna watch it anyway just to piss off all the people who for some reason think it’s something other than shit . I’m nice like that .
Lillian looks smoking hot. FAP.
HHH attacks Flair on his way to the ring and Flair already looks out on his feet .
HHH burries the IC title by taking it off of Flair and launching it out of the ring. This match isn’t even for the title, yet the cage match was? Well I guess given the result of this match they didn’t want to put the belt on HHH.
KENDO STICK~! Flair hits HHH a few times with it… then drops it in favour of CHOPS~!
A couple of suplexes later and THE GAME is in control… wait, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
HHH HAS A SCREWDRIVER~! HE’S SCREWING THE NATURE BOY~! HE’S SCREWING FLAIR SO HARD HE’S BLEEDING~!
MISSED KNEE DROP~! FLAIR SELLS IT ANYWAY~!
ANOTHER MISSED KNEE DROP~! FLAIR SELLS THAT ONE TOO~!
Some guys completely no sell shit, but Flair sells shit that doesn’t even connect! GOAT.
“COME ON FLAIR. GET UP YOU OLD BASTARD. STAY DOWN OR I’LL PUT YOU DOWN FOR GOOD.” Fucks sake HHH, make your mind up…
Flair grabs HHH’s balls! TESTICULAR CLAW~! Meh, was better in the cage match than here. Everything was better in the cage match than here though .
HHH grabs a chair… then puts it down and punches Flair in the face instead. Which gives Flair a second wind. I know the feeling. When I get punched in the face repeatedly I too get my second wind…
Is Flair a vampire? I ask because he’s kinda obsessed with blood, and he does a lot of biting in this match too . Wait, no, he can’t be, otherwise he wouldn’t look like a 90 year old man nowadays .
Honestly this match has kinda bored me so far, right up until FLAIR makes a comeback and begins to maul HHH’s legs and testicles. HHH on offence is just rarely a thing of beauty and the LMS rules don’t typically make a match good, it’s what the guys in the match DO with the rules. Here it was just HHH hitting a move, waiting for the count, hitting a move, waiting for the count etc. Flair on the other hand is more about trying to destroy HHH’s legs rather than hitting random shit in hopes of it knocking him out long enough.
Fucks sake. HHH, who just had his legs mauled for a couple of minutes and is limping BAD… decides to go to the outside, pick up the “heavy” steel steps, throw them into the ring, pick them up and RUN INTO FLAIR with them. TWICE. Thankfully the second time fails and Flair turns it around on him… but still. WHY EVEN TRY THAT AT ALL? When my knee is giving me problems I try and avoid doing shit that involved me RUNNING or LIFTING HEAVY OBJECTS or… wait, actually that sounds like me when my knee is fine. MY POINT STILL STANDS THOUGH.
Flair gets up.
Flair gets up. Gives HHH the finger .
worst corner punches every by HHH. OOOOOO UUUUUHHHH OOOOOO UHHHHH. Those are the noises he makes .
Flair gets up. OAP Flair, who has been busted open badly and beaten up most of this match… is making HHH’s finisher look like shit .
Sledgehammer to the back and it’s done with.
Match overall isn’t total garbage, that I’ll admit. But it doesn’t even enter the same stratosphere as the Cage match. Has a bunch of flaws (HHH on offence…) but also has some great moments and FLAIR being FLAIR.
CAL SCALE – 2
Backstage with TEAM SMACKDOWN. Orton is basically saying Batista is useless because he’s hurt. JBL is sucking up to Orton. Mysterio tries to defend Batista. Lashley literally just stands in the back and says NOTHING. Batista shakes his hand and Lashley’s mouth moves but no words come out .
LITA FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP. Edge is there too or something. LITA. They announce they will be starting the Cutting Edge soon. Yawn. He mocks some american football player. Yawn. no wait, he’s a Baseball player. My bad. I don’t care. The Baseball dude says he and Edge have something on common; he hits balls, Edge has none. Ummm… how is that having something in common?
John Cena Vs Kurt Angle – WWE Championship Match
Angle has his own personal referee; Daivari. SO HE CAN’T POSSIBLY LOSE, RIGHT?
I’m watching this PPV the same day I posted No Mercy 2003 on my site. That show features Angle Vs Cena too. Except it’s fucking TREMENDOUS, unlike every other match they ever had. Maybe on this watch I’ll see greatness in this one?
this was during the time the “You Suck” chants were bleeped .
Angle is a tad over in this match . Cena should have stayed on SD against guys like JBL. I swear that’s the only title defence he had in 2005 where he was the defacto face . He moved to Raw and got into a feud with Christian and Jericho, both of whom got cheered over him. Singles feud with Jericho, who got cheered more than him. And then right into an Angle feud, who was over as fuck at the time regardless of his opponent.
Cena hits a HIP TOSS, and Angle sells it like the match could have been over half a dozen times, but the referee doesn’t count! They could have at least done that spot with a move that could have ACTUALLY potentially possibly maybe won the match…
Bischoff before this match CLEARLY told Vince McMahon that he would SCREW Cena just like Vince screwed Bret in 97. So Angle has the Ankle Lock on Cena, Daivari even kicks Cena’s hand off the ropes and… waits to call for the bell when Cena submits. WHY NOT JUST CALL FOR THE BELL? THE PLAN IS TO SCREW CENA.
Cena slaps Daivari a few times to get himself DQ’d because he’s a pussy. Angle stops the DQ, but Daivari gets taken out so now we get a normal non biased referee.
Angle apparently went to Steiner School since 90% of his offence is suplexes. 6% is submission holds, 2% is punches and the other 14.7% is mat wrestling.
FIVE KNUCKLE WUFFLE~! WHY DID COACH SAY IT LIKE THAT?
Angle clotheslines the referee so we can get another one because… he didn’t like that one? I could understand if Bischoff came running out or something… but another normal referee? WHAT WAS THE POINT?!?!
Angle uppercuts the new referee. Why didn’t that referee DQ Angle in the first place for attacking the other ref?
Lil’ Naich from SD comes out to be the 4th referee, and does nothing but get in the ring and count to 3 straight away because Angle walks into an F-U.
What a load of shitty fuck this match is.
CAL SCALE – 0
Eric Bischoff Vs Teddy Long
CAL SCALE – -1
Batista, JBL, Randy Orton, Rey Mysterio & Bobby Lashley Vs Shawn Michaels, Kane, The Big Show, carlito & Chris Masters – Raw Vs Smackdown Survivor Series Elimination Match
Eddie Guerrero was supposed to be in this match .
Complete silence for Lashley’s entrance . He’s been on TV for like 2 months or something at this point, and was a last minute addition to the team because Eddie couldn’t make it .
So we start with HBK and Orton, who were the final 2 men in the 2003 Raw SVS Elimination Match, which ended with Orton defeating HBK and ending Austin’s career!
Orton sells the second slap better than 90% of guys sell a punch.
Masters and Lashley face off and it makes me sad. Masters no longer works for a major promotion and Lashley is TNA World Champion. No justice in the world.
Anyone else really love Lashley’s overhead Belly to Belly suplexes?
LOL Kane chokeslams Lashley while he’s on the apron and hasn’t even been tagged in. HBK pins and he is out of here! Liked how Masters kicked Lashley’s foot away so he couldn’t put it on the ropes given how close he was. Small thing that 99% of people wouldn’t notice but I saw it and loved it because I’m an uber wrestling geek .
the commentators going at it verbally is more interesting than some of the in ring stuff . Tazz and Styles go at it like they legit want to kill each other. Lawler tries to be witty and fails miserably.
Batista finally gets a tag and despite being injured, manages to turn the tide and eliminate Kane!
CHOKESLAM FROM BIG SHOW~! BATISTA KICKS OUT!!!
Kane hasn’t left yet. Show takes out everyone on the apron, then they land a double chokeslam on Batista! The World Heavyweight Champion is eliminated!!!
Big Show Vs The World takes place which is always . Totally murders Rey at one point:
Then everyone gangs up on the giant and hit their finishers… TWICE. Except for Orton. WHY DOES NOBODY TRY TO BREAK UP PINS?!?! I still fucking hate that about elimination matches.
FALL AWAY SLAM ON THE FLOOR~!
Yawn, Carlito with a rest hold. HE GETS CLOTHESLINED STRAIGHT TO FUCKING HELL . JBL is on fire! Meanwhile HBK is dead on the outside after that Fall Away Slam lol. Seriously. He’s just LAYING THERE. Not moving. Nothing .
Masters gets eliminated, and now it’s a 3 on 1 situation for poor old HBK who is STILL DEAD on the floor .
SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO MYSTERIO~!
SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO ORTON SECONDS LATER~!
Orton Vs HBK one more time!
WE WANT TAKER chants .
HBK mounts a big comeback, but both men are exhausted. JBL attempts to level Shawn with a chair, misses and gets taken out… but HBK turns around into an RKO!!! Orton is the sole survivor 3 years in a row, and Team Smackdown have won it!!!
All the SD guys come out to celebrate, and then…
THE RETURN OF THE UNDERTAKER!!!
I like how Orton is terrified and trying to get away but the SD guys have him on their shoulders and don’t let him down for ages .
THE CASKET IS ON FIRE! THE CASKET IS ON FIRE AND THERE IS A HUMAN BEING IN THERE~!
The Undertaker emerges from a casket on fire, and he’s out for fucking REVENGE. He’s also sporting some bad ass stubble too .
UNDERTAKER SQUASHES THE ENTIRE SMACKDOWN ROSTER . If HHH did this he’d get shit on to no end. Undertaker does it and it’s the greatest thing ever. And I’m ok with that .
So, the match. The match is good. A ton of fun. Probably not what it SHOULD have been, had Batista not been injured a couple of weeks prior and Eddie Guerrero didn’t pass away ( ), but they worked a good match regardless. Carlito sucked balls but at least he took a killer Clothesline from Hell. Orton surviving one more time was cool, and nice to see it start with him and HBK and end with him and HBK too. Undertaker return at the end was just icing on the cake. Delicious chocolate icing that tastes better than the actual cake. Not to say the cake isn’t nice because it is, but damn, that icing just makes it a whole lot better. I’m hungry.
CAL SCALE – 3
Overall CAL SCALE – 3.5