Alright, last show for 2005! God I hope this holds up. Seems most people are down on this event these days. Either the HIAC doesn’t do it for them anymore, or then absolutely shit over HBK/Angle, or both. Currently, SummerSlam sits at the top of the PPV list in 2005, which was the first one I watched. People told me it was the best and I should watch it last, so I told them to fuck off and I watched it first. Will that come back to bite me in the arse? Nah. I can fake enjoyment of the show if need be .
KIDDING. If this blows, I’ll shit all over it. But I’m hoping it doesn’t because I’ve always loved the event and the matches. HOLD UP, DAMMIT.
Carlito Vs Shelton Benjamin – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
Remember when they stuck the US title on Carlito in his first match on SD? Then stuck the IC title on Carlito in his first match on Raw? And he completely sucked and never got any better?
Shelton keeps going for an early pin, and Lawler speculates that he is doing it because he’s still feeling the effects of his crash and burn dive on Raw and wants to end the match as soon as possible before his health fails him.
Carlito keeps knocking Shelton down and Shelton is definitely showing the effects of his failed dive, but he continues to fight through it, causing Carlito to grab his IC belt and leave! If Shelton is still putting up THIS much of a fight despite being injured, maybe he should get out now.
Shelton of course chases him down and the match can continue. He’s doing well against Carlito, but again continues to sell his injuries, which I guess is his head? Not complaining or anything I just thought his back would have been the obvious choice lol. The more Shelton dishes out to Carlito, the slower he gets, allowing the IC champ to take full advantage.
So Shelton is doing great with the selling of his head, being all woozy and shit… meanwhile Carlito decides to sit in fucking CHIN LOCKS half the time and kills any chance this match had of being truly great. STOP SUCKING, CARLITO.
In the end, Shelton goes head first into an exposed turnbuckle on a Stinger Splash and Carlito wins.
This SHOULD have been great. Shelton was pretty fantastic in his role to be honest, but Carlito seemingly not being able to work a match around an injury prevented it from being great.
CAL SCALE – 2
Victoria Vs Christy Hemme
CAL SCALE – -1
Cena interview. Somehow Todd reveals he pissed himself as a kid at school.
Kane Vs Edge
Ahhh, the beginnings of Edge and Lita uber heels.
THAT FAP FAP LITA WEDDING DRESS.
How could Edge and Lita have a wedding on Raw btw? Wasn’t she married to Kane? Did they even get a divorce? Why do I even care?
Kane looking over at Lita right before he starts punching the shit out of Edge. Kane is ANGRY. Kane gonna kill someone tonight.
WE WANT MATT and SHE’S A CRACK WHORE chants. GOAT match for that second chant alone .
Kane has been mauling Edge this entire match so far, but one move from Lita, pulling Edge off of Kane, allows him to smash Kane’s face into the ring post and land a SPEAR on the floor! The momentum has shifted!
was that a YOU SCREWED BRET chant? EARL HEBNER IS NOT EVEN THE REFEREE. THIS ISN’T CANADA. WHY DID THEY CHANT THAT?
Maybe it was a YOU SCREWED MATT chant and I just heard it wrong. That would make more sense.
THE DEMON KANE is stil fighting back, letting his ANGER fuel him. Goooooood, goooooooooood [/emperor palpetine].
KANE EXPOSED HIMSELF ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE~!
SPEAR COUNTERED WITH A FUCKING BOOT TO THE FACE~!
LITA TRIES TO SEDUCE KANE~! HIS HAND AROUND HER THROAT TELLS ME IT MIGHT NOT HAVE WORKED…
STEEL CHAIR AROUND LITA’S NECK. Don’t you do it Kane…
Yey Snitsky saved the day! I guess that makes up for the whole baby killing thing?
BRIEFCASE TO SNITSKY~! CHOKESLAM TO EDGE~! KANE WINS~!
Well, I say he wins. He’s still lost Lita, and didn’t win the Goldrush tournament for a title shot. So uhhh… yeah.
Good match. Kane was an unstoppable angry force and Edge was a sneaky heel trying to gain the advantage any way he could. Fun, though slightly mess finish too.
CAL SCALE – 2
Shawn Michaels Vs Kurt Angle
Nice little callback to their WM match at the start, with Shawn locking in a headlock, the move he used to frustrate Angle in their previous match. Only this time Angle is perhaps prepared for Shawn doing something like that, and wastes no time getting back to his feet and shoving Shawn into the ropes to break the hold.
People complain about Angle matches having the whole “opponent out-wrestling Angle” schtick, which is certainly true for a lot of them, but I disagree with it at WM. If people say it happens here then once again I disagree. Angle would take down Shawn, HBK would try to escape and Angle would be on him again in a second. Shawn more often than not escape holds and Ankle Lock attempts from Kurt by getting to the ropes.
GERMAN SUPLEX ON THE ANNOUNCE TABLE~!
Angle probably could have beaten Shawn there with a countout, but Angle wants to PIN Shawn or make him SUBMIT, just like he did at WM, to prove that HE is the best wrestler in the WWE right now.
POWERBOMB INTO THE TURNBUCKLE~!
Angle is throwing out EVERYTHING to beat HBK twice in a row!
Kurt keeps going after the back of Shawn, just like WM, but he cannot put him away. Another German Suplex, another pin, and another kickout. Angle is starting to wonder what he needs to do.
Angle Slam attempt, but HBK manages to escape! He’s not softened up quite enough yet, so Angle realises he needs to inflict more damage!
Nip up and no sell comeback from Shawn, but as he tunes up the band and looks to land Sweet Chin Music, Angle runs him the fuck over with one hell of a clothesline!
Fuck me, they showed the clothesline a couple of times on a replay. Looked even more spectacular.
FINISHING STRETCH TIME~!
Angle Slam. Kickout. Surprised nobody .
Ankle Lock… countered into a roll up!
And the ref bump was utterly pointless. No pin attempts, no phantom tap outs… just Shawn being thrown to the floor, brought back in and put in the Ankle Lock when the referee has recovered. WHY DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN?!?!
Shawn apparently must have prepared his ankle to withstand the Ankle Lock for the same amount of time as WM, as he holds on for a long arse time and gets to the ropes, then still has enough strength for a SUPERKICK~!
at Coach. I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE KICK OUT OF SWEET CHIN MUSIC.
Ok, so the ANGLE SLAM didn’t get it done. The ANKLE LOCK didn’t get it done. Shawn is still throwing out those superkicks. So Angle does the last thing he can do. The single, most BRUTAL and deadly move. This is the kind of move that a Japanese wrestler would use for 20 years and NOBODY would ever kick out.
DOUBLE AXE HANDLE~!
At least, I THINK that’s what he was going for. WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD HE JUMP OFF THE ROPES IN A STANDING POSITION SO HE COULD GE SUPERKICKED IN THE FUCKING FACE?
Shawn wins. God I hate that finish .
Overall.. I STILL like this match. It ain’t garbage. But at the same time, it’s nowhere near their WM match. I used to consider this to be better, but no more.
CAL SCALE – 2
Batista interview, that leads into a small brawl (hey, anyone remember that Twisted Metal game? Was awesome) with him and HHH.
LILLIAN GARCIA FAP FAP. She’s got the hots for VISCERA. I miss the WORLD’S LARGEST LOVE MACHINE gimmick. Viscera coming out in the smoking jacket like a giant black Hugh Hefner was awesome. LILLIAN sings to Viscera, then asks him to marry her!!!
Awww, a nice happy ending to this love story! UNTIL THE GODFATHER SHOWS UP WITH HIS HOS AND RUINS THE WHOLE THING . THESE ARE BABYFACES RUINING THE LIFE OF LILLIAN .
John Cena Vs Chris Jericho Vs Christian – WWE Championship Match
So this starts off as predictable as can be. Jericho and Christian OMG SHOCKINGLY team up against Cena. Then for some reason Tomko decides to take out Jericho, which gets him sent to the back.
F-U TO CHRISTIAN OVER THE ROPES TO THE FLOOR~! Props to Christian for taking an almost fully flat back bump from that height to the floor!
And hey, that’s at least a good way to get rid of Christian for a while to give us the typical 1 on 1 action in a triple threat match.
Jericho tries to suplex Cena through the announce table, and the fans chant EEEE SEEEEE DUB like morons. Cena ends up reversing it and nearly kills Jericho on what looked like a botched DDT. Seemed like Jericho thought Cena was going to reverse the suplex into a suplex of his own, but Cena was actually going for a DDT the whole time.
Hebner takes the greatest ref bump ever and practically no sells it!!! I guess there was no planned ref bump there so he wasn’t able to sell it . Which is a shame because it could have put him out longer than the ref in Taker/HHH WM 17 .
Cena fucking SMASHES into the steel steps, and it looks like his mouth is bleeding too. Not sure if it happened there but I would understand if it did.
“ALL 3 MEN ARE DOWN AND I DON’T KNOW WHY THE REFEREE IS COUNTING BECAUSE THERE ARE NO COUNTOUTS” – JR .
The pace starts to pick up as all 3 men get involved in the action at the same time, giving us some fun and unique triple threat moves, something a lot of these matches fail to give us.
TOMKO HIT AND RUN~! CHRISTIAN IS ABOUT TO WIN THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP~!
And of course Cena kicks out.
F-U to Christian and this is over with.
CAL SCALE – 2
Batista Vs Triple H – World Heavyweight Championship Hell in a Cell Match
Basic start to this match, with the typical “throw each other into the side of the cell” stuff. Not until the CHAIN comes out does this match get interesting.
HHH WHIPS BATISTA WITH THE CHAIN… and the best part is the referee’s reaction . Then Batista sells being choked out by the chain before HHH can apply any kind of pressure . After that though, some of the choking spots in the ropes look pretty fucking violent tbh. Good stuff.
I think Batista has been watching the GOAT match leading up to this, as he emulates Undertaker picking up HBK and smashing him from ring post then into the cage over and over again. Except HHH is heavier than Shawn and Batista doesn’t seem to be as strong as perhaps Undertaker was in 1997, and after a couple of slams into each side Batista almost drops HHH out of exhaustion .
HHH gets busted open from just being pushed head first into the side of the cell. I dunno, feels like a crappy way to get busted open in 2005 during a HIAC match tbh .
SPINEBUSTER~! Seems that HHH bleeding just motivated him a little.
BARBED WIRE STEEL CHAIR~!
HHH smashes it down on Batista’s back, and Batista has a bunch of little puncture wounds on his back . Props to Batista for taking that chair shot TWICE to the back.
Then HHH takes a shot to the fucking FACE with the chair. Fuck taking shots to the back like a pussy .
“HE MAY BE A NO GOOD BASTARD IN A LOT OF PEOPLE’S EYES” JR rules.
So Batista took two shots to the back with the barbed wire chair. HHH out did him with a shot to the face. So Batista is going all out and takes a fucking DDT on it!!!
a fan is chanting BORING . Literally just ONE fan .
SLEDGEHAMMER~! I like how at the start of the match, the referee didn’t give a SHIT that HHH was using a chain. The Sledgehammer comes in and apparently that’s a no no .
SLEDGEHAMMER TO BATISTA~!
LOW BLOW TO HHH~!
Batista rises up and gets the sledgehammer for himself and looks evil as fuck. He’s gonna CAVE HHH’S SKULL IN with it. And then HHH smacks him in the face with the steel chain before he gets the chance .
Ha, pretty fucking awesome spot with Batista using the sledgehammer in place of his boot to counter HHH coming off the ropes, and HHH SPEWS BLOOD before collapsing in pain .
That seems to be the turning point as THE ANIMAL begins to build some real momentum and absolutely destroy HHH. And then…
BATISTA KICKS OUT~!
Spinebuster on the steel steps. No CAPS or ~! for that because Batista placed HHH down so fucking gently he might as well not fucking bothered.
Batista sets up THE GAME for a Batista Bomb, but HHH grabs the Sledgehammer. HHH is coming down onto Batista’s head with the hammer, but Batista hits the BOMB first and gets the win!
So this had plenty of VIOLENCE~! and HATE~! but… was just missing something and honestly I can’t place what it was. Maybe some sort of real structure, I dunno. I can’t describe it. It’s still a great match, just not the classic I once considered it to be.
CAL SCALE – 5
Overall CAL SCALE – 12