One Night Stand 2006
It’s ONE NIGHT STAND II: Wasn’t this only supposed to happen once? Like once in a lifetime? DAMMIT WWE.
Show starts off with a Paul Heyman promo. It can only go downhill from here . A “FUCK YOU CENA” sign .
Poor Paul, he has to hype up the NEW ECW . The fans are excited for it. Oh the disappointment they would be in for. Despite the fact the new ECW was overall better than the original .
Jerry Lawler Vs Tazz
OLD SCHOOL HEEL LAWLER . He slaps the fuck out of Joey Styles on his way down to the ring. Ha.
Oh yeah, btw, Tazz can’t wrestle. Not in a “you can’t wrestle” way, but in a “THE DOCTOR SAYS YOU CAN’T WRESTLE” way .
Joey jumps Lawler, Lawler sets him up for the Piledriver, Tazz locks in the Tazzmission from behind, and Lawler gets choked out.
Probably a top 10 original ECW match .
OMG OMG OMG a “PORK” sign in the crowd .
Not giving this a DUD because, well, it’s fun for what it is.
CAL SCALE – *
Randy Orton Vs Kurt Angle
CLASSIC ECW MATCH UP RIGHT HERE~!
Tazz asks Joey if he thinks Orton looks out of place here, because he thinks he does. And Tazz is right. Orton is talented, therefore out of place in ECW .
Yes, I’m gonna be shitting all over ECW throughout this ramble .
Orton is returning from his suspension… so maybe he DOES fit in with the ECW guys!
What the FUCK did they do to Angle’s theme music?
Seriously, what is that chant? FLUB FLUB ANGLE FLUB FLUB? I’ve heard it tons of times over the years, and I’ve never once understood what they are actually saying.
PUSSY~! I understand that chant .
BREAK HIS ANKLE~!
Angle went straight for the Ankle Lock, and Orton was pretty great at fighting for his life and struggling to escape.
ANGLE’S GONNA KILL YOU~! Oh man, a few months later he’d be going up against JOE IS GONNA KILL YOU~!
FUCK YOU ORTON~!
Some great EEEEE SEEEEEE DUB action here with Angle applying a HEADLOCK on the mat .
Huh, I wonder what was said there. They’ve chanted FUCK YOU ORTON and PUSSY, but something was just bleeped out lol.
Angle totally schooling Orton on the mat, slapping the back of his head for good measure.
Lol, Angle lets Orton apply a hold on him, and Angle just slips out of a headlock twice, then hits a suplex to escape the third. THAT is the kind of Angle we should have gotten more. Have him make sure we all know he’s better than everyone else with the amateur shit.
Wait… are they chanting FUCK OFF CENA now? Why?
Orton is in control of the match now. No idea how he did that.
Angle keeps countering and locking in holds on the mat. Yey. And of course Orton keeps using his favourite hold, the headlock. Just in case the ECW fans were getting bored .
seconds after I wrote that, we got a BOOORING chant. It’s fine for Angle to use a rest hold, but Orton? FUCK HIM .
Well despite being beat up and worn down by Orton, a single back suplex from Angle somehow cures him completely .
ANGLE SLAM~! Aaaannnd a kickout. Of course. Can’t be finishing a match with a finisher! That would be silly.
YOU SUCK DICK~!
Absolutely MASSIVE crossbody from Orton! Looked like he connected pretty hard with Angle too .
Ankle Lock, and this is over with.
Hmmm… I guess it’s not an awful match. Has some good stuff, but didn’t do too much for me. Could have been worse .
CAL SCALE – 0.5
F.B.I. Vs Super Crazy & Tajiri
Holds and counters on the match early on. Nothing to write home about until Tazz makes a BOB BACKLUND reference .
Tajiri gets tagged in. KICKS~!
at Tajiri screaming like a girl as he throws Little Guido into the corner.
Super Crazy missed a moonsault .
Double team move to Super Crazy, with Nunzio hitting a front dropkick while Tony Mamaluke holds him in position. Tajiri seems offended that people are kicking without him, so he storms into the ring and kicks the fuck out of everyone .
BLACK WIDOW BY TAJIRI~! I prefer AJ Lee’s version .
Tarantula by both Tajiri and Super Crazy!
Big Guido comes in and gets kicked to fuck.
Tajiri ends up alone and gets pinned.
Honestly… this was meh. Most of the time it was “do something gain control, then sit in a submission hold” over and over again, except for when Tajiri was in the ring and kicked everyone to death. Tajiri is fucking BOSS.
After the match, THE BIG SHOW shows up and has a stare down with Big Guido, and murders everyone.
CAL SCALE – 0
Yey JBL has come back to ECW One Night Stand again to save us! one of his security guards looks JUST LIKE Steve Austin, and there is a fan in a Mysterio mask behind him that could very well be Rey too .
He brings up the Blue Meanie incident, then says RVD was made in WWE by Vince McMahon. He then announces he’s replacing Tazz on Smackdown!
Rey Mysterio Vs Sabu – World Championship Extreme Rules Match
Remember when they took the “Heavyweight” part out of the World Heavyweight Championship so Rey could hold it?
Rey is getting booed because… I dunno. He’s now a success in WWE?
SABU VS REY MYSTERIO IS A DREAM MATCH~! no, it really isn’t.
Holy shit, Sabu jumped off a chair and didn’t botch!
If there is one thing I like about Sabu (and trust me, there IS just one thing lol), it’s his way of using a chair. He doesn’t swing it, he just fucking THROWS IT at the face of his opponent.
what the fuck was that? . Ok, so Sabu set a table up between the apron and guard rail. Puts Rey on it. Sets a chair up in the ring… runs, jumps off the chair onto the ropes, then launches himself… onto the floor . Rey moved out of the way, yet Sabu wouldn’t have even hit the fucking table . HE MISSED .
Rey with a Seated Senton to Sabu, putting them both through a table! See Sabu, THAT is how you jump off the ropes AND land on the table! I guess that’s something they teach you in WWE and not ECW .
BALLS FIRST ONTO A CHAIR~! Ouch.
CHAIR TO THE FACE~! Double ouch.
Sabu gives it another go with the running + chair + jump + ropes + jump again through the table, and lands a fucking DDT!!! Through the table!!!
And in typical ECW fashion, the match is ended there because they can’t fight any more .
at the doctor or whatever he is who declares that they can’t fight any more. Sounds like a right girl .
Match is garbage and it ending like that, in ECW of all places, is shit.
CAL SCALE – 0
Edge, Mick Foley & Lita Vs Terry Funk, Tommy Dreamer & Beulah McGillicutty – Extreme Rules Match
Fucking FINALLY. Something worth watching on this damn show!
Foley cutting another epic promo. STEPHANIE MCMAHON, THE GENIUS BEHIND ECW~! LONG LIVE THE ALLIANCE~!
Lita’s boobs seem to want to leave her top. Awesome.
Beulah and Lita weren’t even supposed to be part of this match, but after they make bitchy comments at each other, they decide to join in the fight anyway lol.
FOLEY VS FUNK~!
Funk starts off with SLAPS, which based on every wrestler’s account who has ever been slapped by Terry, is worse than being punched by everyone else .
The match has quickly turned into a brawling mess . Terry is punching Foley in the eye to try and re-open the cut from the last time these two hooked up.
Funk throws a trash can at Edge like Sabu throws chairs, and it actually looks more brutal than when people swing it.
Foley punching Terry in his eye .
Dreamer and Edge do some stuff in the ring. Nobody cares. FOLEY AND FUNK~!
BARBED WIRE BOARD~!
Dreamer gets his ear “stuck” in it apparently… yet there is no blood or signs of any damage .
Foley goes into the barbed wire and his hands are bleeding straight away. I guess Dreamer isn’t as manly as Foley .
BARBED WIRE TO THE FACE OF TERRY~!
Apparently a wooden board of barbed wire isn’t enough, so Foley asks Lita to pass him some more to wrap around his arm!
FOLEY SMASHES HIS BARBED WIRE COVERED ARM INTO THE FACE OF FUNK~!
MY EYE! GOD DAMN! MY EYE, MY EYE OH GOD! Repeat of Lawler/Funk Empty Arena Match . This is the greatest thing EVER .
I remember seeing this for the first time and honestly thinking Funk injured his eye. Guy rules at selling his eye!
Lita legdrops barbed wire into Dreamer’s balls… while Beulah stands on the apron and does NOTHING. Pfft, she’s a terrible wife!
MR SOCKO MANDIBLE CLAW TO BEULAH~!
MR SOCKO MANDIBLE CLAW AND SPEAR TO DREAMER~!
And now Edge proceeds to dry hump Beulah on live PPV .
FUNK IS BACK~! With the biggest eye bandage ever and a 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire!!!
FIRE~! FUNK HAS FIRE~! FOLEY IS ON FIRE! FOLEY IS ON FIRE AND GETS KNOCKED THROUGH THE BARBED WIRE BOARD!!! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
CROSSFACE TO EDGE USING THE BARBED WIRE~!
DREAMER DRIVER TO LITA~! What a piece of shit Tommy is!!!
SPEAR TO BEULUAH~! Dry hump pin, and this is over!
God I love this match. It has the crazy ECW shit you would expect, but it’s done extremely well by talented guys like Foley and Funk. Some violence involving women too, which was an ECW staple. One of my favourite crazy multi-person brawls . Foley and Funk RULE.
at Funk stuck in the barbed wire, blood all over his face and bandage, and he looks like he’s ranting about losing the match . God… Funk is GOD.
CAL SCALE – 7
Balls Mahoney Vs Masato Tanaka
They hit each other with beer. In plastic cups. EEEE SEEEE DUB! EEEE SEEE DUB!
Tanaka loses after ONE chair shot. Maybe he hadn’t recovered from being put through a billion tables last year?
What a total load of NOTHING this match was.
CAL SCALE – 0
Eugene shows up . ECW fans are a bunch of cunts. THEY ARE BOOING A SPECIAL PERSON. Sandman shows up and canes the poor retard. BE A STAR, Sandman.
John Cena Vs RVD – WWE Championship Extreme Rules Match
RVD is cashing in MITB tonight in hopes of winning the WWE title!
Joey Styles says RVD might be the greatest wrestler to never hold a world title . Jericho might be the man of 1004 holds, but I probably have a list of 1004 wrestlers more deserving of a world title than RVD . Just replace every instance of ARM BAR with ARN ANDERSON .
Oh god there is still 30 minutes of the show to go . Please someone tell me I forgot about a 15 minute title celebration from RVD at the end.
IF CENA WINS WE RIOT~! I think after they saw that they should have called the fans’ bluff and let Cena win . LET’S SEE HOW EXTREME YOU REALLY ARE, FANS!
The fans are pretty hilarious though when they keep throwing Cena’s shirt back at him . So how does Cena respond? BY THROWING IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. one fan spit on it and another wiped his arse with it . Glorious. If they can fill 20 minutes of the match with this I’ll throw ***** at it .
FUCK YOU CENA chants followed by toilet paper being thrown at him . This might be the best start to a match ever .
RVD was just winning a test of strength against Cena. What?
Props to WWE for leaving the crowd chants intact all the way through this show btw. Seems the only time they bleeped anything out was when the wrestlers said FUCK.
RVD just won a punch off with Cena . Insane.
The crowd are shitting all over Cena, so he gets back at them by launching RVD at them. OH, YOU DON’T WANT MY SHIRT? HERE, HAVE RVD YA FAT FUCKS!
Cena is getting “Same old Shit” chants for doing his usual offence. RVD does his usual offence and OMG ITS TEH GREATEST THING EVER!!! ECW fans are just hypocrites .
FOOK ME, RVD might suck balls 99% of the time, but he can take one hell of a DDT, and the one he just took on a chair was beautiful.
Then he takes another great bump as he goes head first into the chair while it’s in the corner!
Cena is picking up momentum and getting into his groove despite the hostile crowd, and he appears to be having fun now at their expense.
RVD lifts Cena up for a back suplex then moves towards the ropes… and I have no idea if he was going to bounce Cena off the ropes ala Tully Blanchard or if he was trying to crotch him or just dump him outside, but RVD basically loses his strength and just kinda drops Cena into the ropes and Cena tries to hang on to save whatever it is they were trying to do, but ends up falling to the floor anyway . And they chant YOU CAN’T WRESTLE to RVD? Give me a fucking break .
STFU TO RVD~! Oh man, imagine if RVD tapped out? How GOAT would that have been?
RVD gets the ropes, and the referee drags Cena off even though it’s a fucking EXTREME RULES MATCH. So Cena decks the referee. And so he fucking should have! Biased ECW referee. The Nick Patrick of ECW!
Ha, speak of the referee and sure to appear! He comes Nick Patrick because… apparently there were no other ECW referees in the back, but there WAS a Smackdown referee waiting for his turn? LOL.
OMG SOME MYSTERY GUY JUST SPEARED CENA THROUGH A TABLE!!! It’s Edge! THANK YOU EDGE chants, despite what a giant cunt he was earlier.
FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH~! But Edge took out Nick Patrick! So Paul Heyman shows up, makes the pin and RVD is the NEW WWE Champion! Because… Heyman is also a referee?
Overall, this match is a ton of fun, mainly thanks to the fans and how Cena reacts to them. As far as the actual quality of the match though… it’s lacking in a lot of ways. There is no real story to it; just 2 guys taking turns at being in control for a few minutes. And that’s it really. Take the crowd away and this would be awful .
CAL SCALE – 0.5
Overall CAL SCALE – 8