Had to take the wrapping off this! Bought it a few years ago and, well, never bothered watching it . It gets a lot of praise as being one of the better single brand PPV’s… but uhhh… looking at the card and remembering that I never liked the main event much, not sure it’s gonna fair all that well with me .
Johnny Nitro Vs Jeff Hardy – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
MELINA’S CLEAVAGE~! No, not being a random perve as usual. THE COMMENTATORS ARE TALKING ABOUT IT .
A “Nitro sucks” chant. Did we travel back in time to 1999?
Hardy keeps catching Nitro with a STEAMBOAT ARM DRAG, so Nitro gets pissed off and goes for one of his own… except Hardy avoids it and Nitro ends up spinning like a tit and landing on the mat .
Nitro gets hit in the balls and Melina is absolutely desperate to check on them .
Nice bump off the turnbuckle onto the ropes and to the mat by Jeff. A good transition spot.
Nitro works over the leg… with incredibly basic stuff, but some of the KICKS he does are real nice, and Hardy takes the “Mr Perfect holding onto the ropes and taking a bump off being hit in the leg” bump to the extreme by doing a full flip!
Hmmm, looks like it might rain. Sky is getting pretty dark outside. Oh, uhhh, the match. Yeah, Nitro is still just doing stuff to Hardy’s leg.
Oh look Hardy can barely walk yet manages to jump onto the ropes and jump off with a high risk move…
MELINA HITS JEFF WITH HER BOOT~! NITRO WINS~!
What a dull match. A few good spots here and there, but for the most part it was just uninspiring leg work from Nitro than in the end kinda went nowhere because Melina ended up beating Jeff in the end anyway.
CAL SCALE – 0
Teddy Long sat all alone in a sky box watching the show .
THE HARDY BOYS AND LITA BACKSTAGE~! Lita’s boobs are amazing.
Umaga Vs Kane
OOOO OOOOO OOOOOMAGA!
Damn, Umaga has been on the main roster for 5 months and this is his first PPV match? That’s what JR just said, anyway. Seems like it should be wrong, but I don’t bloody remember if he was on a PPV before this .
at Estrada breaking one of his Cuban’s in half to signal time for the SAMOAN SPIKE, then Kane retaliates and Estrada picks up one of the halfs of the Cuban from the mat and sticks it back in his mouth . LIVING THE GIMMICK~!
Kane just won a headbutt exchange. WIth a Samoan. Wrestling logic tells me that is bullshit.
Boooooo they end up getting counted out as they brawl into the crowd. Shame, this was a pretty good battle between the two monsters, and it would have been nice to see a proper finish.
CAL SCALE – 1
The Spirit Squad Vs The Highlanders – World Tag Team Championship Match
CAL SCALE – -1
Shawn Michaels & Triple H Vs Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon & The Big Show – Hell in a Cell Match
The debut of the new, taller HIAC, which basically told fans “LOL NOBODY IS EVER GOING UP TO THE TOP AGAIN”. Until PAUL HEYMAN of all people did it in 2013 .
, Big Show tells the McMahons to STAND BACK (get it? hahahahahahaha) while he takes care of DX. So DX kick him in the balls and attack the McMahons anyway .
poor Big Show. He starts to get back up… so DX kick him in the balls AGAIN .
awesome bump right into the side of the cell by Shane. HE’S BUSTED WIDE OPEN~! Didn’t take long .
Vince gets sent into the side of the cell too and I TOTALLY DIDN’T SEE HIM BLADE AT ALL HONEST…
HHH IS SCREWING VINCE MCMAHON~!
Both the McMahons are bloodied and battered, but the GIANT wakes up finally and turns the tide… for about a minute .
Big Show gets back up again and NOW the tide turns properly to allow the heels a control segment. HHH GETTING THE SHIT BEAT OUT OF HIM .
Vince and Shane absolutely destroy HHH in the ring, while Show stands on the outside and makes sure HBK doesn’t get back up .
COAST TO COAST~!
Love how they are playing up on an ear injury angle they did the week before with HHH . He’s all off balance and shit and it’s fucking him up, and now after the coast to coast his ear is bleeding like fuck .
HBK takes a turn in getting absolutely mauled in the ring, and is even done for a 3 count, but Vince McMahon picks him up after a 2 count a couple of times because he wants to destroy him some more! Works well in a blood feud like this .
HHH comes in to try and help and gets cut off by Shane and a backbreaker… which gets turned into a neckbreaker type move but… I have no idea if it was an offensive move from Shane or defensive move from HHH .
KISS MY ASS CLUB MEETING~!
Shawn puts Vince in the way of a Big Show splash, and Big Show nearly starts crying . And then gets his balls rammed into the ring post. Big Show’s balls have perhaps taken the biggest beating tonight .
Big comeback from DX, leading to HBK elbow dropping a chair wrapped around Shane’s neck! Guess he won’t be able to run the company after Vince now. HHH best step up and be his replacement… .
CHAIR SHOT TO THE… STOMACH OF BIG SHOW~!
SUPERKICK~! Show is out cold and bent over the ropes… bet that doesn’t lead to anything .
Vince standing back up and facing DX while looking like he’s gonna kill em both is awesome. Then DX pull down Show’s trousers and, well, Vince’s head gets shoved up Show’s arse .
SLEDGEHAMMER BROKEN OVER THE BACK OF VINCE’S NECK~!
And with that, DX get the win!
Fuck me what a super, SUPER fun match. Brutal as fuck, some great spots and some comedy thrown into the mix too. Me likes this.
CAL SCALE – 2
Lita Vs Trish Stratus – WWE Women’s Championship Match
Trish’s retirement match!
Only fitting that her last match (at the time) would be against Lita . The GOAT women’s rivalry in WWE.
Lita’s theme is awful. I preferred the one without lyrics. That version didn’t have someone screaming nonsense.
Hand stand head scissors and Thez Presses off the apron are things we see in just the first few minutes! They’re putting more effort into this match than Orton has in 90% of his matches for the last few years .
Surprised Trish went for a high risk move off the apron though, given the uhhh… injuries these two have sustained doing crazy shit against each other lol.
So the Women’s title can be traced back to 1956, and in 50 years the title has only changed hands ONCE in Toronto! Was probably never defended in Toronto until the last 6 years though .
Sweet jebus they are really going all out for this match. They battle on the top rope and both fall onto the apron and splat right on the floor!
MOONSAU… TRISH MOVED~!
STRATISFAC… LITA COUNTERED AND DUMPS TRISH TO THE FLOOR~!
Fuck me these two and punching the shit out of each other! To hell with Kane/Umaga, this is where it’s at lol.
LITA KICKS OUT~!
SHARPSHOOTER~! LITA TAPS OUT! LITA TAPS OUT!
Trish wins the Women’s title in her retirement match!
Good match! Not the best women’s match in WWE history, but certainly one of the better ones. Which yeah, ain’t saying much, but I still liked it .
CAL SCALE – 1
Randy Orton Vs Carlito
Carlito decides to be all flashy with a springboard moonsault, landing on his feet then hitting a dropkick. Orton then thumbs him in the eye for being a useless prick .
Oh look, more flipping by Carlito, including a Lionsault. Orton’s lip or mouth is bleeding. STUPID, STUPID. So uhhh… did Carlito’s career ever go anywhere after this? Just wondering .
HEADLOCK~! But unlike how he does it today, he really wrenches on it and with the blood coming out of his mouth he looks like a fucking PSYCHO .
Some back and forth stuff and then RKO~!
Well this was… a giant load of nothing for the most part. Carlito hit some fancy moves. Orton bled from the mouth. Then Carlito went for another fancy move and got caught with an RKO. And that’s pretty much it.
CAL SCALE – 0
Edge Vs John Cena – WWE Championship TLC Match
So if Cena loses, he has to leave Raw. And he’s already got a 3 year contract worked out with Teddy Long lol.
CENA FEARS WORKRATE sign .
SET UP THE NEXT SPOT.
SET UP THE NEXT SPOT.
SET UP THE NEXT SPOT.
You get the idea.
Oh, almost forgot… BOTCH SPOT~!
at the F-U to a LADDER onto Edge. That might be the dumbest spot in a ladder/tlc match since RVD did that kick at SummerSlam 2001 despite being nowhere near Jeff to actually connect .
“I LOVE A GOOD FIST BUMP, JR”
Edge places Cena on a table… then sets up another table ON TOP OF CENA and tries to dive off the ropes through them. Because EDGE GOING THROUGH A TABLE AND THEN CENA IS GONNA BE THE SMARTEST THING POSSIBLE. Fucking moron.
LITA~! She LIFTS the ladder with Cena on it and pushes him over the ropes through a table!!!
Edge ends up having almost the same thing done to him… and Cena spends about 2 minutes just looking like a retard as he stalls for time before even attempting to climb the ladder. And oh look, when he DOES finally start climbing, Edge has recovered! WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
F-U THROUGH THOSE 2 TABLES SET UP EARLIER. Cena wins the title.
Not my thing. Spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot. With nothing behind them or anything. Just SPOTZ~!
CAL SCALE – 0
Overall CAL SCALE – 3