“Don’t be afraid. BE TERRIFIED.”
Of the main event?
CM Punk Vs Elijah Burke – ECW Championship Match
Lol, big video package showcasing the match between Punk and Morrison where Punk finally wins the ECW title is shown. Aaaand then we move to the ring where Burke has been given a jobber entrance and is seemingly randomly getting a title shot .
Not long before their “awesome” chemistry shines through as they manage to botch an Irish Whip spot .
FUCK ME. Looked like Punk legit connected with the running knee there. Burke just kinda falls down too lol.
Well, seems Burke gets his own back by forcing Punk to take a pretty sick looking bump on the floor…
So wow, this match was waaaaay better than I was expecting. Burke was fine playing a cocky heel working over the back of Punk to set up to his finisher, and Punk was his usual good self. Enjoyed how Burke went from being cocky and confident to becoming more and more frustrated at not being able to finish Punk off, which in the end causes him to get caught in a roll up and beaten.
CAL SCALE – 1
Matt Hardy & MVP Vs Deuce & Domino – WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Am I the only one that really enjoyed the feud between Hardy and MVP, where instead of wrestling each other they did those competitions and then ended up teaming together to win the tag belts lol?
Whole match here really is about MVP and Matt, with D&D just being there to get their standard rematch clause. MVP and Matt argue over who is gonna start, with Matt telling MVP that HE will start… until MVP blind tags himself in instead .
From there it’s a good old “your turn, my turn” display as both guys try to out-do the other by absolutely dominating the former tag champs lol.
Matt ends up being FIP because, you know, he’s Matt freakin’ Hardy and he’s awesome at being a FIP. MVP gets frustrated on the apron and almost walks out on Matt. Matt then starts to make a comeback and MVP realises that hey, maybe they could actually win now, and he comes back .
End sees Matt taking a page out of MVP’s book by blind tagging himself in, knocking MVP out of the ring and getting the win, just like MVP did when they won the titles in the first place!
Fun match, but like I said, D&D were total after thoughts here.
CAL SCALE – 0.5
Triple H Vs Carlito – No DQ For Carlito Only
HHH, recently returning at SS… is the third match on a C PPV against Carlito . Booker T must have used some black magic to get his own back for being buried the month before . AND NO, I DIDN’T SAY BLACK MAGIC BECAUSE BOOKER T IS BLACK. I’m not a racist. I may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a racist, but I am NOT a porn star.
So Carlito can’t be DQ’d or anything, but HHH can. So… HHH basically wrestles like a heel and cheats behind the referee’s back to make things “even” lol.
Aaaand then Carlito fucking blasts HHH right in the FACE with the ring bell and I a little lol. More people should hit HHH in the face with weapons.
Stuff happens. HHH low blows Carlito behind the referee’s back and hits a Pedigree to win.
The lesson here? Not even with an advantage in the match can Carlito come close to beating HHH. LOL.
CAL SCALE – 0
Maria interviews Batista. Batista stares at her tits.
Beth Phoenix Vs Candice Michelle – WWE Women’s Championship Match
Candice was champion?
CAL SCALE – -1
Khali breaks some fruit.
The Great Khali Vs Rey Mysterio Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match
Rey and Batista try to double team Khali until Rey rolls up Batista from behind. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND~!
Most of this match is Cole and JBL trying to explain how big and strong Khali is. IT’S LIKE RUNNING INTO A BRICK WALL. IT’S LIKE BEING HIT WITH A BRICK. Basically Khali is a giant brick, apparently.
This match isn’t actually bad. Like, at all. Khali doesn’t do much other than club, kick and clothesline, but he’s mostly doing it to Rey who is a bumping/selling GOD, so it all looks spectacular.
Rey manages to take out Khlai, but Batista prevents him from winning, and lands a Batista Bomb, dropping Rey onto Khali, then shoves Rey out of the ring so he can Spinebuster Khali and pin him to win the title!
Definitely shocked at this.
CAL SCALE – 2
Paul London & Bryan Kendrick Vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch – World Tag Team Championship Match
Hmmm, this could be pretty darn awesome! Though nobody talks about it… so either it’s a very well hidden gem or it’s not worth talking about.
Lol, Murdoch is awesome on the apron early on while Cade is in the ring. He’s constantly shouting encouragement to his partner and generally just being a character on the apron which is awesome to see.
Nothing big and fancy here, just a good old fashioned TAG TEAM match. Early babyface shine period, then the heels dominate and do a pretty great job of keeping Kendrick from making the tat, and then when the hot tag finally comes the fans are all over it, and thankfully it ISN’T just a “hot tag + finishing stretch” type of match!
In the end, it’s those Southern Old School heels that retain their belts .
Good match, needs to be talked about more for sure!!!
CAL SCALE – 3
John Cena Vs Randy Orton – WWE Championship Match
I honestly thought the title match was something different on this show .
No wonder Cena is like Superman, his dad got punted in the head during the build up to this match and he’s sitting at ringside for the match as if nothing happened. THE PUNK TOOK OUT HBK FOR HALF THE YEAR AND RETIRED RVD FOR A FEW YEARS.
Cena is fighting for retribution after Orton beat up his dad, and the fans are BOOING THE SHIT OUT OF HIM .
So Cena is pissed. And aside from his cheesy “shaking with anger” pose, he does a pretty good job at just running into Orton and beating the ever loving FUCK out of Randy every chance he gets. Then we have Orton trying to slow the pace down and prevent Cena from punching him in the face. Odd, so far I’m… enjoying this match? Huh. This might end up being one of their best matches at this rate .
HEADLOCK~! But it’s still at a time when Orton applies it really well, so yey! They work a pretty darn great spot with it during the match, with Orton making it look like the most deadly hold ever, Cena selling it well, then slowly fighting out of it and really having to put some fucking effort into escaping. And when he escapes? BEATS THE FUCK OUT OF ORTON.
So much so that THE REFEREE DQ’S CENA. Well damn. That’s… awesome. No, seriously, that’s AWESOME. This match was about Cena wanting to utterly destroy Orton following the PUNT to his dad, and Cena wrestled the entire match like that and in the end Cena didn’t give a fuck about BEATING Orton, he just wanted to BEAT ORTON UP.
Obviously the match was mainly here to set up to a rematch at No Mercy, which never happens as Cena gets injured, but it does a fantastic job of heating up the feud some more.
Oh SHIT, the stuff after the bell is even more awesome. Orton tries to PUNT Cena’s dad again, but Cena stops him and locks in the STFU, then tells his dad to kick Orton in the head.
CENA’S DAD PUNTS ORTON IN THE FUCKING HEAD~! And it’s the best thing ever. Isn’t Cena’s dad a manager or something on the Indy scene? Guy needs to be on WWE TV. He’s great. Looks like a fucking MAFIA DON when he’s pissed off. Backstage The Coach is screaming at him for what just happened and announced a Last Man Standing match between Cena and Orton at No Mercy. Then Cena shows up and shoves Coach down, which is probably best for Coach because Cena’s dad just stands there stone faced and was likely about to snap his neck or something.
Wow, and to think, I was dreading this match!
CAL SCALE – 3
The Undertaker Vs Mark Henry
It’s the return of the motherfucking DEAD MAN!!!
Unfortunately this match is kinda well known for being awful. But as an Undertaker fan I’m sure I’ll enjoy it .
Undertaker’s return entrance is glorious as always .
The fans aren’t exactly going nuts here which is a shame, because Undertaker and Henry are giving us a good show. Undertaker’s punches are just and Henry just fucking SUPERPLEXED Undertaker!!!
Always makes me when the commentators try to claim Henry really IS the strongest man in the world. “IT’S NOT JUST A NICKNAME HE’S REALLY THE WORLD’S STRONGEST MAN”. Meanwhile in 2007, Mariusz Pudzianowski and Zydrunas Savickas existed .
Man, the crowd being dead really do kinda suck the fun out of this match lol. Fucking fans. Don’t know a good match if it takes out it’s cock and slaps them in the face with it.
Henry’s work over could have been a little better, he seems to do far too many splashes lol, but otherwise it’s good. Undertaker’s comeback is because he’s fucking awesome .
BEAR HU… Urgh, Bear Hug .
Oh hey, Henry has Undertaker in the corner. And he’s climbing the ropes to punch him in the face. I WONDER WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN HERE!
LAST FUCKING RIDE OUT OF THE CORNER TO HENRY~!
The Dead Man wins!
This is a good little match . Fans can go to hell for being shit.
CAL SCALE – 1
Overall CAL SCALE – 9.5