No Way Out 2009

 

Ok, let’s start off 2009 with a PPV I remember really enjoying at the time! Also, I’m gonna watch all these shows IN ORDER for the first time ever while writing these rambles! Why? Because fuck it, why not .

 

The Undertaker Vs Triple H Vs The Big Show Vs Vladimir Kozlov Vs Jeff Hardy Vs Edge – WWE Championship Elimination Chamber Match

Undertaker successfully makes his entrance without being set on fire. He would not be so lucky a year later .

Edge, the champion, is starting this match out with Jeff Hardy who beat him for the belt in December before dropping it right back to him in January at the RR.

So Edge and Jeff go back and forth for a couple of minutes, then Edge attempts a Spear, and Jeff counters it into a rollup and…

HOLY SHIT JEFF JUST ELIMINATED THE WWE CHAMPION FROM THE MATCH BEFORE THE FIRST 5 MINUTES WERE UP!!! WE ARE GUARANTEED A NEW CHAMPION!!! EDGE IS NO LONGER THE WWE CHAMPION!!!

While I didn’t watch this show live in 09, I did see it spoiler free the next morning and I was lol. Was a very cool and very unexpected moment, and of course meant that EDGE WAS NO LONGER THE CHAMPION .

Unfortunately all the excitement of Edge being eliminated is killed dead when Kozlov is the next guy in.

Huh, I seem to have blacked out for 5 minutes. Big Show has just entered the match .

So for the next five minutes, we have Show and Kozlov take turns at trying to out-do each other… mostly with boring slams, headbutts and clubbing blows, aka the basic strong guy offence from the 70’s.

Hardy’s offence on comebacks here . He just kinda runs with his arms in the air and… runs into his opponents in hopes that it’ll do something .

Time for Kozlov and Show to go after each other now instead of eliminating Hardy because that’s too smart for them.

Just as the crowd are about to fall asleep, THE GAME TRIPLE H enters into the match and takes everyone out!!!

Poor Undertaker is having to watch all this while inside a pod still. He’s getting frustrated and starts smacking the pod. SHIT GONNA GET SERIOUS WHEN HE GETS RELEASED . Fans are chanting for him too because fuck what’s happening in the ring atm lol.

UNDERTAKER TIME . He fucking runs out and starts punching the absolute shit out of Big Show .

In the ring he does the same to Kozlov, and Kozlov simply CANNOT take Snake Eyes. At all. Ever .

Awesome spot with Undertaker walking the ropes for Old School on HHH, but decides to dive on Big Show on the outside instead!!! He gets caught though, and counters Show with a DDT ON THE STEEL . Then he goes back in the ring and hits Old School on HHH like nothing happened .

LAST RIDE TO KOZLOV~!

Bye bye Kozlov, please never come back!

CHOKESLAM~! I guess it’s time for The Big Show to be dominant . He launches HHH over the ropes onto the steel, then throws Jeff onto him! HHH was supposed to catch Hardy for safety, but it looked more like HHH just slammed him even harder onto the steel floor lol.

Spider Jeff, Spider Jeff, does whatever a Spider Jeff does. Can he wrestle, better than Matt? No he can’t, cos he’s kinda shit. Look out, it’s a Spider Jeff.

SUPERPLEX TO BIG SHOW~!

PEDIGREE TO BIG SHOW~!

SWANTON FROM THE TOP OF A POD TO BIG SHOW~!

HHH PINS THE BIG SHOW~!

BIG SHOW IS ELIMINATED~!

TOMBSTONE TO JEFF~!

JEFF HARDY IS ELIMINATED~!

We are now down to the final 2; Triple H and THE UNDERTAKER .

The final 2 men here were both winners of individual elimination chamber matches the previous year at this event! Just some random TRIVIA for ya .

This entire part of the match just sees both HHH and Undertaker exchanging signature and finisher moves in a desperate attempt to win the WWE Championship and GO TO WM AT THE CHAMPION, so while I would normally dislike them doing that, here it makes sense for them to just bust out all their best shit.

they repeat the spot from the 08 SD chamber with Undertaker/Batista and that awesome Tombstone spot . Only difference here is that HHH gets his foot on the ropes to break up the 3 count .

PEDIGREE~!

KICKOUT~!

PUNCH EXCHANGE~! Kinda . for Undertaker’s punches… not so much for HHH’s .

LAST RIDE COUNTERED INTO A PEDIGREE~!

13 TIMES THE GAME~! HHH is now a 13 time champion. Yey?

Great way to finish this match, which was kinda dull for the most part.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Edge is making excuses for losing. Vickie flat out tells him it’s his own fault that he lost . So now Edge has to come up with a plan to still headline WM with the title. Or maybe… maybe another title?

 

FISH MARKET~! Glad they showed us that…

 

Randy Orton Vs Shane McMahon – No Holds Barred Match

Orton PUNTED Vince in the head, and then somehow prevents getting punished in any way by claiming to be mental. So, Shane has to get revenge himself in a match. WRESTLING LOGIC~!

Hope we see some more SHADOW BOXING from Shane in this match .

Also… like, why didn’t the McMahon’s just order EVERYONE ELSE ON THE ROSTER TO MURDER RANDY? It’s what I would do lol .

Really like how this match is being worked. Shane is fucking FURIOUS at Orton and goes at him head on, perhaps surprising Orton and allowing the non-wrestler to gain control. However Shane is more focused on HURTING Orton, and spending time looking for weapons gives Orton the time to recover and take control of shit.

MONITOR TO THE HEAD OF ORTON~! Holy fuck that was a pretty sick shot. In the world of PG NO BLOOD, Orton is bleeding, and one half of his face is covered in blood!!!

And of course that let’s Orton show off his awesome “possibly concussed” selling .

With Orton out of it, Rhodes and DiBiase run down to help out, but even they end up feeling the MCMAHON WRATH~!

COAST TO COAST WITH A TRASH CAN TO CODY~!

Orton is still DEAD and on an announce table, so Shane goes back to the top rope for a huge elbow drop and…

ORTON MOVES~! SHANE THROUGH A TABLE~! SHANE IS DEAD~!

Wow, Orton showing CONCERN for Cody, screaming at Ted to take him to the back and make sure he’s ok.

Love the image of just one side of Orton’s face being covered in blood. People at the time were talking about how it reflected his character at the time. One moment he’s regular Randy, then the next he’s lost his mind and PUNTING people due to a mental illness.

Shane is fucked from the table spot, but he REFUSES to be pinned, so Orton sets up the table that Shane originally brought out from under the ring. If Shane ain’t gonna stay down, Orton is gonna MAKE HIM!

SUPERPLEX THROUGH THE TABLE~!

SHANE STILL KICKS OUT~!

PUNT COUNTERED INTO A SPEAR~! Looked pretty fantastic too. Not some show-y Spear by a professional, but a fucking hard hitting tackle by a non wrestler trying to make it look as good as possible.

Shane starts beating the shit out of Orton’s ankles with a chair, and Orton begs him off… only to get cracked in the back with the chair .

Shane setting up Orton for a PUNT of his own! The ultimate payback… RKO~!

This one is done. And it was pretty sweeeeeeet. Shane O’Mac having a better match with Orton than most of the roster for the last few years .

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Jack Swagger Vs Finlay – ECW Championship Match

I was a huge Swagger fan around this time. Finlay is fucking FINLAY. They had a great match or two on ECW TV around this time… but for some reason I’m the only person on the planet who doesn’t think this match is that good.

FINLAY OUT-WRESTLING SWAGGER~!

Finlay works the leg of Swagger for the opening moments of the match, then Swagger gains control and works on Finaly’s arm and honestly it’s all kinda dull.

Both men fumble around for a bit longer, then Hornswoggle keeps showing up and distracting Finlay because he’s a complete fucking moron.

Swagger wins.

Yeah still don’t like this. Do not understand any love this match gets.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Shawn Michaels Vs JBL

If JBL wins, HBK works for JBL for the rest of his life! If HBK wins, he’s free of JBL and gets all the money JBL promised him.

JBL is in the mind of the Heart Break Kid from the moment this match begins. He tells Shawn that all it takes is ONE mistake and he’s his forever. HBK finally unleashes weeks of frustration from not being able to touch JBL, just wailing on JBL, who is STILL smiling because he knows an ANGRY HBK is more likely to make a mistake. In fact, JBL grabs a chair and hands it to Shawn, knowing full well that if Shawn uses it, he’s gonna get DQ’d and he’ll be owned by JBL for the rest of his life!!!

PUNCHES TO THE FACE~! Still just fucking love when JBL starts throwing those massive punches to his opponent in the corner.

BEARHUG~!

JBL is trying to weaken HBK’s back here, and even tries to set him up for a massive Superplex, only for Shawn to fight out of it and fly through the air with an elbow drop and… crash and burn .

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL~!

HBK is now the property of JBL for the rest of his life!!!

NO!!! HBK KICKS OUT!!!

ANOTHER CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL~! This time HBK collapses to the outside, and JBL might win the rights to HBK via countout!!!

HBK MAKES IT BACK IN~!

JBL is starting to get frustrated at HBK, so he throws Shawn back outside right in front of his wife and starts to taunt her, only to get CRACKED IN THE FACE by Rebecca!!! Shouldn’t that be a DQ?

It seems that seeing his wife deck JBL has given HBK new life, and now JBL is the one reeling!!!

SWEET. CHIN. MUSIC.

Shawn Michaels is free of JBL, and is now financially stable once again!!!

I loved this whole angle between JBL and Shawn, and this match was a pretty darn good pay off too. Plus, HBK comes out the next night all happy and joyful and CHALLENGES THE UNDERTAKER TO A MATCH AT WM, giving us the classic WM 25 match!!!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Very slow boring Jericho promo backstage on why he’s going to win tonight.

 

John Cena Vs Chris Jericho Vs Rey Mysterio Vs Mike Knox Vs Kane Vs Edge – World Heavyweight Championship Elimination Chamber Match

Kofi Kingston was supposed to be in this match, but on his way to the ring, EDGE attacks him from behind and steals his spot in the match because WRESTLING LOGIC~!

Totally forgot MIKE KNOX was in this match :match:.

We start things off with Jericho Vs Rey, who would go on to feud throughout the rest of the year. Huh, last year this chamber match started off with HBK Vs Jericho who also feuded throughout the year. COINCIDENCE? I THINK SO!

Jericho lobs Rey into Kane’s pod, and Kane just stands looking at Rey like he’s having the time of his life .

KANE ENTERS NEXT~! Well, time for Rey to die .

at Edge cowering from Kane despite being separated by BULLET PROOF PLASTIC.

Why have I only noticed that Kane does a Homer Simpson impression every time he lands a big punch or kick? D’OH! D’OH! D’OH!

BAH GAWD KANE IS DOMINATI… Oh wait 619 + Code Breaker + Seated Senton from THE TOP OF A POD and Kane is eliminated from the match FIRST .

KNOX . Why is it that WWE actually get big guys who CAN WORK… they do fuck all with them and release them shortly after, meanwhile big guys who can BARELY WALK stick around for years, main event PPV’s and win world titles?

KNOX has Rey upside down and tied up in the chain wall, smashing his head in .

BAH GAWD KNOX IS DOMINATI… Oh wait Code Breaker and Mike Knox is eliminated from the match .

KOFI EDGESTON is the next man inside the chamber! Rey is friends with Kofi so he is fucking PISSED that Edge would do such a thing. Remember when Edge and Rey were tag champs? Well now Rey is at the mercy of Edge and Jericho, who later in the year would also become tag champs together!

This just about sums things up atm:

now Edge and Jericho are spit roasting Rey on the ropes .

Cena time. Yawn.

BAH GAWD CENA IS DOMINATI… Oh wait Code Breaker + 619 + Spear and Cena is eliminated from the match .

So like the previous EC match, we are now guaranteed to get a NEW champion!

Jericho is gone next, leaving us with Rey Vs Edge.

And for the rest of the match, we get one of the most spectacular finishing stretches in any WWE match ever. Even puts HHH/Taker to shame earlier in the night. Rey takes some incredible bumps during this time too, especially that one into the side of the pod .

In the end, it’s EDGE that picks up the win, making him the first/only (?) man to walk into a PPV as WWE champ, lose it, then leave the same PPV as the NEW WHC!

Match has some dull moments, but nowhere near what the SD chamber had. This is overall much better, and a ton of fun!!!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 11