SummerSlam 2009 PPV Ramblings

Posted on: January 24th, 2016 by Big Cal

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SummerSlam 2009

 

Urgh, DX trying to be funny during the opening video package.

 

Rey Mysterio Vs Dolph Ziggler – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

:lmao at the bump Ziggler takes on the floor from a hurricanrana :lmao. He bounces into the barricade, then bounces off that right into a camera man :lmao.

Well, another turnbuckle powerbomb to transition into a Ziggler control segment, but this time it very nearly does result in an injury when Ziggler nearly botches catching Rey.

HAND STAND HEACKLOCK~!

Ziggler’s biggest achievement so far according to the commentators is beating Khali 3 times in a row :lmao. I don’t think any of them were pinfall victories either :lmao.

Welp, Rey died. He got his head removed from a wicked clothesline!

Ziggler is again focusing on the head and neck of Rey… but randomly hits a gut buster, similar to their previous match, just not from the top rope. And not done as a desperation counter. Just done randomly despite the fact he’s trying to work over the head and neck of Mysterio.

Another dropkick to counter a dive from Rey, landing right in the gut. Huh, this match is playing out almost identical to their NOC match lol, just with a couple of spots done in a different order :p.

Things begin to really pick up as they go into a finishing stretch, which at this point Dolph is actually GOOD at doing, as he doesn’t overdo it with finishers and shit.

Dolph goes for the Super Gut Buster, but this time Rey sees it coming, counters into a hurricanrana and gets the pin!

Better than their NOC match for sure. Didn’t go as long, which seemed to stop it becoming dull. Plus the finishing stretch was better as well.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Swagger and MVP being interviewed about their match tonight. Are… are they friends? Or just no heat for this match lol?

 

Jack Swagger Vs MVP

So did this match really need to be on PPV? Did this match really need to go longer than a minute? A certain other match on this show could have been a fucking classic and it gets no time at all… but Swagger Vs MVP happens for no real reason and gets a bunch of time and it’s boring as FUCK.

MVP wins. Urgh, the turd on top of a shitty cake.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Oh look random celebs.

 

Chris Jericho & The Big Show Vs Cryme Tyme – Unified Tag Team Championship Match

Sit through a Cryme Tyme match? No. No.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

CM Punk with… with a screenplay of The Jeff Hardy Story. Oooook. LOL.

 

Kane Vs The Great Khali

Hahahahahahahaha.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Shawn Michaels & Triple H Vs Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase

Plenty of people really like the tag matches from these teams in 09, so maybe I’ll be surprised and like em this time around.

Cole says HHH has a ton of good SS memories, including winning the world title/wwe title one year. Is my brain fully melted or did that not actually ever happen?

Cody gets caught in the DX corner, so he slaps the taste out of HBK’s mouth and demands HHH tag him in. Perhaps the purpose of that is because HBK hasn’t been wrestling since WM, and Cody thinks he’ll have more chance to gain the advantage over a ring rusted Shawn? Seems like a solid idea in the kayfabe world of rasslin!

Cody does a decent job against HBK… at first, but HBK teases a couple of SUPERKICKS and Cody runs away like a little bitch, if you wheeeeeeel.

Despite breaking the momentum of Legacy with those superkick scares, it’s not enough to let Shawn get back into the match, and it isn’t long before Legacy are working him over and making quick tags and in general showing that they are a pretty solid team.

Hot tag to HHH, he takes control for a moment and then HHH is FIP lol.

And as the match goes on, the problems I had with these matches back in 09 is becoming clear once again. Cody and Teddy work together great as a team, isolating one guy, working him over and making plenty of quick tags to stay fresh. It’s good solid tag wrestling 101… he problem is, they don’t do anything INTERESTING OR EXCITING with their work overs. It’s all stomps and rest holds.

Most exciting thing that happens from Teddy and Cody, is Teddy running in and blasting HBK from behind with a vicious clothesline when he tries to kip up :mark:.

Rhodes gets cocky and goes for a HBK elbow off the ropes and misses. HBK tries for one and Cody gets his knees up.

Ted keeps running into the ring and stopping any potential pins or submissions, and HHH gets pissed and runs in too. They go back and forth, we see HBK getting a Cross Rhodes, Cody getting a Pedigree, then HBK getting Dream Street! HHH and Teddy battle on the outside while both legal men are down and out inside the ring!

Both men finally make it up, with help from each other, and Cody gets BLASTED with a superkick and this one is over. DX win.

Like I said, there isn’t anything bad about this. Fundamentally it’s a solid tag match… but they just don’t make it interesting until the finishing stretch.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Christian Vs William Regal – ECW Championship Match

I hate you, WWE. I fucking HATE YOU WITH A PASSION.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

John Cena Vs Randy Orton – WWE Championship Match

I still hate you, WWE. I still fucking HATE YOU WITH A PASSION.

Is there any combination of main eventers who were as dull as these two together that just kept on having match after match after match against each other? Flair and Steamboat wrestled each other on and off for over a fucking decade and I don’t think they have a bad match together. These two have No Way Out 08 and that’s it.

They do some awkward brawling to start off and it looks terrible. Cole calls Cena GRITTY :lmao.

Orton looks shocked as fuck that Cena kicked out of… a knee drop :lmao.

SLEEPER HOLD~!

MASTURBATION FIST~!

POWER SCOOP~!

PUTTING THINGS IN CAPS AND ADDING ~! TO THE END IS THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE THIS SEEM EXCITING~!

:lmao Orton sets Cena up for that DDT in the ropes, and Cole is making a huge deal about Orton TAKING THE REFEREE TO THE LIMIT by waiting for the entire 5 count before hitting it. WHY DOES THAT MATTER AT ALL? :lmao

What the fuck is Cena doing? He’s jumping up and down like Earthquake would do before his splash finisher, while holding his hands up and doing his hand pose thing, waiting for Orton to get up so he can hit the AA :lmao. And here I thought Orton spazzing about in the mat for the RKO was retarded :lmao.

Cena builds momentum, so Orton shoves the referee and runs out for his title to leave! The referee DQ’s him of course, and Orton retains the title.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

Vince gets word to Lillian that the match will restart, and if Orton gets DQ’d again he will lose the title. Proof that Vince McMahon doesn’t know what the fans want. LET THIS MATCH END FFS.

Orton however does know what he want, as he grabs his title again and walks out and loses again, this time via countout! Yey! THE MATCH IS FINALLY OVER!!!

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!!! :(

Vince again restarts the match and if Orton gets counted out again he will lose the title. LET IT GO, VINCE.

Orton pins Cena!!! He has his feet on the ropes and the referee doesn’t see it!

OH FFS NO. Another referee shows up to explain what happens. THIS MATCH IS RESTARTED AGAIN. MOTHERFUCKERS.

STFU in the middle of the ring and a “fan” runs in and attacks the referee lol. Was very well executed as people genuinely DID think it was a fan, but it was really Brett DiBiase, the brother of Teddy. We see him on Raw the next night I think and then… NEVER AGAIN :lmao.

Well that gave Orton the chance to rest up, and once the match gets going again… RKO~! Orton wins.

This is awful. Nothing good about it at all, and all the finishes and restarts makes me wanna kill someone. 3 more matches to watch this year. One is the Iron Man. Shoot me now.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Jeff Hardy Vs CM Punk – World Heavyweight Championship TLC Match

This match starts with a tie up.

A tie up.

In a TLC match.

Thankfully the first chance he gets, Punk beats the fuck out of Jeff with a chair and immediately tries to climb a ladder :).

And well, from here on out it’s SPOTZ~!

That isn’t to say they are all bad. Some of the spots are cool looking, and at least Punk seems to be focusing his offence on Hardy’s back, ever since the first chair shot. Loved Punk catching Jeff doing Poetry in Motion (replacing Matt with a chair…), and slamming him down back first on the chair. If Punk can at least keep his shit on point, I might get some enjoyment out of this :).

:lmao Jeff looking like an idiot when he misses a splash off the top rope through a table on the floor. If Punk was out enough to lay still on a table then… then SHOULDN’T YOU TRY TO CLIMB THE LADDER AND WIN INSTEAD? Punk goes for a ladder the moment he gets off the table and Jeff nearly dies. Thank fuck he knows what he’s doing in this match…

OUCH. Hardy takes a nasty looking bump off the ladder into the ropes and turnbuckle.

SUPERPLEX ONTO THE LADDER~! Well, Punk has gone stupid too, because he also landed on the ladder with that move…

Ok, so after being driven off the ropes onto a ladder BACK FIRST… Jeff’s first chance at any offence sees him go for a fucking SWANTON BOMB. Where he lands BACK FIRST on his opponent. Punk getting his knees up just further adds to the karma that Jeff so needed to be hit with lol.

Well of that punishment to the back doesn’t seem to be effecting Jeff, as he somehow manages to put Punk through a table and almost climb the ladder… HE SHOULD BE FUCKING CRIPPLED.

Fuck me. Jeff continues to be fine and absolutely mauls Punk with a monitor and steel chair. So what does he do? CLIMB A LADDER!!! Yey, right? No. The ladder is on the outside, where he hits a Swanton Bomb off the top, right onto Punk on the announce table. Because he’s fucking retarded. Impressive looking spot? Of course. But that’s about it.

They tease Jeff being carried away on a stretcher, while Punk tries to climb the ladder. Jeff tries to stop him and fails. New champ. Shit match.

THEN THE UNDERTAKER SHOWS UP AFTER THE MATCH IN AWESOME FASHION AND I TOTALLY :mark: LIKE FUCK :mark:.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 2

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