1989 Royal Rumble
First RR event to be on PPV this time instead of a TV special.
Starts with Vince running down all the names of the RR competitors in that famous VINCE VOICE. There’s one point where Ron Bass comes on the screen and Vince is just QUIET. Takes him about 10 seconds to remember who the fuck this guy was!
Match 1 -The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers & Dino Bravo Vs The Hart Foundation & Jim Duggan -2 out of 3 falls – Great way to kick off the 1989 RR. Something of a favourite match of mine, to go with the other 1098474874646 favourite matches I have lol. Nice to see Bravo involved in something other than a 17 minute bullshit weight lifting contest. First fall is something too special, but Bret takes the pin and becomes the FIP for the second fall and he does a great job of taking a beating while the heels do a nice job of working him over. Hot tag to Duggan is great because Hacksaw is over as FUCK. The heels get knocked around, then everyone gets confused as Anvil goes for a cover, then Bret goes for a cover before Hacksaw remembers HE is the legal man and finally decides to make the cover and get the win to even this one out at 1 fall apiece. The third fall involves Hacksaw getting mauled in a number of 3 on 1 attacks… until Bravo pretty much throws Duggan into his own corner so he can make a tag lol. Match ends when Duggan CHEATS and decks Bravo in the back with his 2×4 and sneakily hides it behind his back while Bret covers. Gotta love them babyfaces!!! Great tag match using the time tested STF to perfection. ***1/2.
We go backstage now to see Ted DiBiase draw out his number and he does NOT look happy. He calls over Slick to try and make a deal. Bushwhackers draw their numbers, both are great apparently… and then they swap. Because they are special. HTM draws and hates it. Bad News Brown is super happy with his. Demolition claim they are in for a long night. Jake Roberts doesn’t seem to give anything away. Rockers just wish each other good luck.
Well, one match and then some backstage stuff, so I guess we should have another mat… LOL NO. POSEDOWN! Rick Rude posing against The Ultimate Warrior. Rude takes a while to prepare for the 4th pose, and Warrior is apparently frustrated so he jumps into the middle of the ring and just starts screaming. UURGHGHGHGHGH ARRGHGHURUGHGHGHGH. I think he was cutting a promo. So much for not wasting this amount of time on a PPV. The weight lifting shit was terrible and long but also on TV so it’s sort of a little kinda unforgiveable. People have PAID to see this. Rude attacks Warrior during the final pose. WHY DID HE HAVE TO WAIT ALL THIS TIME? Urgh. This whole thing lasts about 15 minutes, almost as long as the weight lifting shit from last year. AND WE DIDN’T EVEN GET A WINNER. THE ENTIRE THING WAS POINTLESS. ARRRGGHHH! Warrior then attacks all the referees and officials that came out to help him. Wow, the babyfaces are really acting like pricks so far!
Match 2 – Rockin’ Robin Vs Judy Martin – Women’s title on the line! Sensational Sherri challenges the winner before the match starts claiming she’s more women than either of them. God this was slow and dull. Lasted less than 7 minutes. Felt like I was watching the weight lifting thing again. 1/2*.
Slick and the Twin Towers are backstage getting interviewed. Akeem just stands and “dances” which is just him moving his arm the same way over and over again. Bossman just has a rapey look on his face while holding his nightstick. Disturbing. Interview with Rude. Ok. Fuji cuts a promo. He claims he’s gonna be the winner of the Rumble. Through the Powers of Pain obviously. Elizabeth gets interviews. She’s hot. And apparently doesn’t support her husband as much as she should. She doesn’t want to choose between Savage and Hogan! Jimmy Hart claims HTM or Valentine will win. And something about a bull horn.
Ventura sits on the King’s Throne to set up the next match. He says he likes the throne and thinks he should run for King. He sure has changed his mind over the years. First he wants to be King, now he’s thinking of being President!
Match 3 – King Haku Vs Harley Race – Current King Vs former King. Winner becomes the true King of the WWF and the toughest bastard on the planet! It’s a little slow and definitely gonna be one of those matches most people won’t like at all, but over the years I’ve learnt to appreciate matches like this a little more than I used to. It ain’t no classic and I ain’t gonna claim it to be, but I enjoy it a ton. Watching both guys hit each other as hard as they can with headbutts and punches to the face and chest chops is something you will either love or hate. Highlight though is Bobby Heenan on the outside cheering on whoever happens to be in control of the match at the time lol. Monsoon calls Haku a master of the martial arts which might be as big of a joke as when they say the same thing about Steamboat. Any time he chops Race he gets called a martial artist lol. Ironically, the big super kick that ENDS THE MATCH and gets Haku the win doesn’t inspire Monsoon to mention anything about being a master of martial arts! The King of the Ring tournament should have been a shoot like Brawl for All, with the finalist having to face the reigning King every year. That way Haku could still be the King. ***.
More backstage interviews. Brutus “the worst of all time” Beefcake is over excited. Valentine sounds dull as shit. As if the Fuji promo earlier wasn’t bad enough… he cuts ANOTHER ONE only this time Demolition are breathing heavy next to him. Master Fuji is still gonna be the winner btw. John Studd talks. I don’t listen. MR PERFECT. RANDY SAVAGE. Savage is champion. What’s the incentive for even being in this match? I mean, Hacksaw won it last year… and he’s opening the show in a 6 man tag. I don’t remember him getting a shot at Hogan or Savage for the title either in the last year. So why even bother lol? DiBiase gets interviewed and is asked about the conversation with Slick earlier. Mean Gene does his best not to laugh when he claims he wouldn’t question his integrity. ARN~! He’s with Tully, Heenan and Andre. They say stuff but who cares? ARN FUCKING ANDERSON. The look on ARN’S face when Andre says they’d better not get in his way is amazing. Hogan cuts a coked up promo as usual. Seriously, he HAD to have been on something when he did these. He’s waaaay too pumped up.
Match 4 – 30 man Royal Rumble Match – The first 30 man Rumble! And with everyone coming in every 2 minutes, this one is gonna last around an hour. #1 is… HERE COMES THE AX… of Demolition. #2 is… AND HERE COMES THE SMASHER… of Demolition. They may be tag partners, but they’re also stupid, so they attack each other. Wouldn’t it make more sense to team up and eliminate everyone one by one, and THEN fight each other when they are the only 2 left? Nah, that’d be boring. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!! Well they’ll HAVE to work together now, because #3 is none other than Andre THE BOSS Giant. He would eventually be eliminated by… well himself, after Jake Roberts brings a snake in the ring. What a sore loser Jake is. He’s still awesome though. Lol, only in the RR match can you see someone like Bushwhacker Luke beating up Hulk Hogan. Oh hey, WARLORD! Oh, he’s gone already. Hogan dominates and manages to clear the ring of everyone including his own tag partner at the time, Randy Savage! Savage is fucking pissed, so Liz has to step in and make them be friends again. They hug it out (TEAM FRIENDSHIP). So after that impressive display from the Hulkster, he’s probably gonna win the whole thing, right? Nah, thrown out by Bossman and Akeem. LOL. But at least Hogan is a good sport about it… nah, eliminates Bossman illegally. WHAT A GUY. Come to think of it, Hogan is a bit of a cunt in RR matches. Just in this one alone he eliminated his tag partner and illegally threw someone out. In 1992 he would get eliminated by Sid, and then illegally eliminate him too. Yet somehow, he remains the face… Anywho, the guy that goes on to win is… Big John Stud. A Rumble match with the likes of Hogan, Savage, Andre, Jake Roberts, Mr Perfect, Arn Anderson, Tully Blanchard and more… and Big John Stud wins. LOL. Fun match though. I enjoy it. ***.