Road to Royal Rumble – Royal Rumble Ramblings #5

Posted on: January 7th, 2013 by Big Cal

1992 Royal Rumble

Mean Gene gets the job of running down the RR match competitors. Better than the last loser, but still not as good as Vince.

Match 1 – The New Hart Foundation Vs The Orient Express – New Hart Foundation are Neidhart and Owen Hart, since Bret has gone all singles on us. Last year the OE had a tremendous match with The Rockers. Don’t expect the same greatness, but Owen is solid at least this early on and Jim is… well he’s ok in tag matches. Fun early going, with Owen utilising his speed then bringing in The Anvil to back him up with the power. The OE are off their game because of this, so they are forced to cheat in order to gain the advantage. A cheap shot here, followed by Fuji using his walking stick, and poor Owen is in trouble. Oh shit, MIDNIGHT EXPRESS REFERENCE. Right after one of the worst superkicks I’ve ever seen. Hmmm… a subtle knock on a certain wrestler’s “martial arts”? Guessing only about 5 people will get that. And I doubt any of them will even read this. So yeah. LOL. Owen Hart isn’t a nice person here. He broke poor old Fuji’s walking stick by running shoulder first into it! How is poor Mr Fuji supposed to walk around now? Did Owen just not think of who it would effect when he did it? And the OE are the heels in this match! SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD. Very different match to the Rockers one last year, but still good. Hot tag is good, and the finish sees Anvil launch Owen from the ropes onto one of the OE for the win. ***1/2.

Oh god, Lord Alfred Hayes. He might be the worst wrestler turned commentator/interviewer. He’s a terrible talker. I didn’t even know he was a former wrestler when I heard him on commentary the first time because he’s absolutely terrible at understanding the story of matches, has no idea what moves are called, and did I mention he’s terrible? He explains to us the IC title situation. Bret was ill, so The Mountie beat him for the belt. Roddy Piper came down to help Bret, and The Mountie attacks him, leading to Mountie Vs Piper for the belt tonight. The Mountie cuts a pretty good promo, and looks hilarious holding the mountie taser stick thingy like it’s a gun. Piper cuts a great promo. He basically calls Mountie gay.

Match 2 – The Mountie Vs Rowdy Roddy Piper – The Mountie isn’t a great singles wrestler. Piper isn’t the kind of guy who can carry someone to a good match. I smell a stinker of a match coming up! Either that or I need the loo real bad. Perhaps even both. Thankfully it doesn’t last long. Piper wins the IC title, his first title in the WWF, and would be his only title I believe until like, 2006/7 or something where he won the tag belts with Flair! LMFAO at the noise the taser makes. 1/4*

COLISEUM VIDEO EXCLUVE! ALFRED HAYES. He’s interviewing Hogan, who cuts probably the least energetic promo of his career.

A real interviewer now; Mean Gene. Shame he’s with the Bushwhackers. And Jameson  the retard.

Match 3 – The Bushwhackers Vs The Beaverly Brothers – Nope.

Match 4 – The Natural Disasters Vs The Legion of Doom – Tag Title match time! Damn, 3 tag matches on one PPV. It’s the WM 2000 of the RR PPV’s. Earthquake with DAT DROPKICK. Shame Hawk moved out of the way. Early going sees both teams really just push each other around and see who is stronger lol. Just when you think the Disasters are gonna control the match, LOD come back because yeah, they don’t like taking a beating regardless of who their opponents are. Well, Animal at least lol. Hawk lets them get some decent offence in without just firing back with a clothesline like nothing happened to him. Match ends in a countout. No title change. Boo. Match was alright. We see some of the worst chairshots ever by LOD afterwards. **.

Usual interviews before the RR match.

Match 5 – 30 Man Royal Rumble Match – For the first time since the RR started, the winner actually GETS SOMETHING. And for the only time in history so far, the WWF Title is on the line! LOL Jack Tunney gets booed. He decides to welcome everyone to the RR event. A BIT LATE, MORON. #1 is the Bulldog, and #2 is Ted DiBiase. DiBiase has entered this early before and lasted a while, so he knows what it takes to go the distance. Except he gets eliminated before #3 comes out. Though I doubt anyone will win this match from such a low number anyway… oh hey Ric Flair #3! I wonder how well he does haha. Still no entrance music btw. Heenan’s commentary along with Flair’s performance work together to make this THE greatest RR match ever. On top of that you have perhaps the most star studded match ever too. Flair, Hogan, Savage, Piper, Sid, Undertaker, Slaughter, Bulldog, HBK, Roberts, Snuka, Von Erich, Valentine, DiBiase and Iron Shiek. HALF of the match are top names. HALF. *****.

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