2004 Royal Rumble
The only RR where NOBODY wins. Honest!
Match 1 – The Dudley Boys Vs Ric Flair & Batista – The Dudley Boys once again in a tag match at the RR lol. Tables match too, making it the second tag team tables match at the RR, both involving those damn Dudleys! Only ONE person has to go through a table though. Boring. Nic is gay. I often wonder why people go to the bother of making shitty signs like that. LMAO, Bubba and D-Von are attempting to suplex Flair through a table, but you can see them looking over and waiting for Batista to get back in the ring so he can move the table. Then when he does it falls back on the Dudleys. Some pretty shitty brawling. Flair hasn’t quite hit his stride yet since returning to WWE (rarely working matches until the end of 03), and Batista is still green as fuck. Coach shows up (he was on commentary) to distract the Dudley’s, and while he gets a beating, it works. Batista hits a SPINEBUSTER to D-Von through a table. Champs retain. Meh match. At least it was short. *.
Cena interview. He raps. RVD interrupts. Cena insinuates that he has smoked some weed. Ok.
Match 2 – Rey Mysterio Vs Jamie Noble – Ooooo, a match with potential. Genuinely don’t remember this. At all. CW title is up for grabs. Nidia is blind. DR PHIL REFERENCE. Somewhere Dr Shelby is raging. Oh man, in years to come someone might come across this and have NO IDEA what I’m on about. That makes me smile. Damn, this one doesn’t get as much time as it deserved. Was looking really good, with Rey controlling the match with his speed, then Noble counters a cross body into a rib breaker, but before he can fully take advantage, Nidia on the outside “accidentally” grabs Noble’s leg and Rey hits a 619 and a springboard leg drop. Too damn shot dammit. DAMN. **
Match 3 – Eddie Guerrero Vs Chavo Guerrero Jr – Jr being in this match makes me want to skip it and just say NO… but dammit, Eddie is fucking EDDIE and I can’t skip that. Imagine if Chavo was born nearer to Eddie and HE was his tag partner in WWE and then THEY feuded, rather than Chavo Jr. CHAVO CLASSIC. Did ANYONE buy Chavo Jr beating Eddie btw? I mean really? Eddie laughing after he chops Jr is awesome. Then he gives Jr the middle finger when Jr knocks him down and thinks he’s the greatest thing ever. Then follows it up with more CHOPS. Eddie’s stratergy in this match is to out wrestle Jr to prove he’s the best (not that anyone needed proof lol), so even when Jr mocks him and Chavo on the outside smashes his face into the steel steps, Eddie continues to OUT WRESTLE his nephew. 3 Amigos. Frog Splash. And this is over. Uhhhh ok. Well Eddie did what he said he was gonna do. He out wrestled his nephew and got the win. But the match is over now. KILL HIM. KILL THE BAD CHAVO. Match is kinda sucky. Jr sucks. Eddie sticks to wrestling, but it’s nothing fancy and the match isn’t that long either. *1/2.
Great promo backstage. Benoit is about to be interviewed but Evolution interrupt and Flair cuts a great promo about despite the fact Benoit is GREAT, he can’t win the big one.
Match 4 – Brock Lesnar Vs Hardcore Holly – LMFAO. Chavo Jr has no chance against Eddie, and Holly had less than zero chance of winning against Lesnar lol. Match only happened because Lesnar broke Holly’s neck and they couldn’t really ignore it. That being said they could have done it on SD… ah well. Holly keeps going for the Full Nelson, Lesnar just powers his way out of everything and tries to wear Holly down. F-5. Over with. Oh yeah, this was the WWE title match btw. LOL. *.
Match 5 – Triple H Vs Shawn Michaels – LMS match for the WHC. Not looking forward to this. Not a fan of their chemistry at all. All the matches prior to this on the card got less than 10 minutes. This match gets more time than all of them COMBINED. Shave 10 minutes of this crappy match and give it to Rey/Noble dammit. BLOOD. TABLES. CHAIRS. They so do their best to make this EPIC but it comes across as too long and boring (like most of their matches). Don’t mind the finish because it works beautifully leading into WM XX and the big triple threat. SOME good to this, but not enough for me to call it good. **.
Before the RR match can start… we get some segment with Bischoff and Paul Heyman, the GM’s of Raw and SD. They fight and Austin, the Sheriff, comes out stuns them both. I can see why this was needed…
Match 6 – 30 Man Royal Rumble Match – What a terrible undercard this show has had. Thankfully, it is main evented by a fantastic RR match. Last time I saw this was… about 3 weeks ago haha. Still fairly fresh in my mind. #1 is Chris Benoit, but he doesn’t even make it to the ring. He never enters the match, and he most certainly DOES NOT WIN. That’s what WWE want you to believe anyway. Randy Orton is #2. Some awesome talent early on, giving us Benoit and Orton along with Henry, Tajiri, Rhyno, Matt Hardy, Bradshaw and a few others. MATT MORGAN. I think he’s actually worse now than he was in 04. KANE. BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP. Chokeslams to everyone. UNDERTAKER GONG!!! Gets a bigger pop than practically everyone on the roster. Loved the build up to the return of the DEAD MAN Undertaker. As much as I liked the ABA Undertaker, by 03 he was getting a little stale and everyone were wishing he would come back as the Dead Man. So he did. Yey! Spike Dudley gets a chokeslam on the steel rampway. Ha. Guess Scotty 2 Hotty wasn’t available? RIKISHI owning bitches with his superkick again makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. WELCOME TO RIKISHI’S ASS, ROOKIE. Matt Morgan gets a stinkface. Rikishi mocking Rene Dupree’s dance behind his back then superkicking him out of the Rumble is awesome. Man, RIKISHI is awesome in Rumble matches. LORD TENSALBERTRAIN! He looks weird here because he shaved his beard. Obviously he miss-heard the fans… Ring begins to empty and we are left with #1 and #2 still! SOMBODY CALL MY MOMMA… BECAUSE SOMEONE STOLE MY GIMMICK IN THE FUTURE! Ernest The Cat Miller. He dances and gets thrown out. KURT ANGLE. Dedicates his RR victory to the American troops. He loses. NOW THAT’S HOW YOU BOOK A HEEL! LOL. Test is supposed to come out at one point… but someone has taken him out backstage! Austin is furious and demands the attacker take his place. MICK FOLEY! HE’S COMING FOR ORTON! Both men end up eliminated and then brawl for a while. Awesome stuff, loved their feud. Great build up. Shame it ended up as a shitty fucking handicap tag match at WM instead of a singles match, but their Backlash match made up for it. The ring starts to fill up again until all 30 guys have entered. THAT SPEAR TO NUNZIO FROM GOLDBERG. F-5 from Lesnar! Angle eliminates Goldberg! Show and Benoit end up the last 2 and we get an epic struggle from Benoit before he finally wins I MEAN NOBODY WINS HONEST. A great Rumble match. Benoit’s performance from #1 to winning is great. Far better than HBK’s in 95. Up there with Flair in 92. Plenty of great talent, a couple of WM feuds kicking off here too, and a lot of fun. ****1/2.