2007 Royal Rumble

Match 1 – MNM Vs The Hardy Boys – DAT ASS. DEM TITIES. Something about a tag match too. Matt absolutely SHATTERED Mercury’s face a month ago at Armageddon in a 4 team ladder match (awesome match in its own right, and the injury is brutal as fuck), so MNM want some fucking REVENGE. Great to see MNM work over the FACE of Matt. Mercury punching Matt so hard he hurts his hand is awesome. Melina is a screamer. Batista told me. They do their best to work over Matt and his face, but when Jeff gets a tag in and they manage to hurt his ribs, they take full advantage of that too, showing they aren’t JUST focused on injuring Matt, which would likely put them at a disadvantage if they only went into the match being so single minded. Hardy’s win the end. Really good tag match. ***1/2.

Backstage with some rumble picks. Edge mocks Kelly Kelly’s name. She says “at least it’s my real name”. No, no it’s not. Orton shows up and they argue a little bit because despite being tag champs they haven’t been getting along so well lately. King Booker shows up. Nobody seems to look at their number or anything so we have no idea how good or bad they might be. Utterly pointless lol.

Match 2 – Bobby Lashey Vs Test – Oh joy. Bobby Bathturd Lashley Vs Testicles. I AM THE IMPACT PLAYER. No Test, no you are not. Paul Heyman wanted to make CM Punk the ECW champ in the EC a month ago. Vince decided on Lashley. Heyman left the company for 6 years. GREAT JOB VINCE. Ok at the start with Lashley using his power and hitting some nice suplexes. Then Test gets in control and I would have been better off banging my head against a wall. BIG BOOT FROM TEST. Test gets himself counted out. IN A TITLE MATCH. WHERE HE ISN’T THE CHAMPION. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! DUD.

John Cena’s ribs are hurt. OH NOES. But he’s being the stand up guy and not giving up so yey! CENA IS THE BESTESTEST AND MOST BRAVEREST OF THEM ALL.

Match 3 – Batista Vs Mr Kennedy – WHC match. LMAO the entire build up video for this match is all about Undertaker and Batista. It’s almost like the Kennedy match doesn’t matter and they are focusing on Undertaker/Batista for WM. LOL. This is from that one period of time when Kennedy DIDN’T suck, so on paper it has potential, and it lives up to that potential. Not as a great match, but as a solid match. Kenned is good working over a leg of Batista, and Batista sells well for the most part. **3/4.

Vampire dude from ECW picks his number. Then midget guy shows up. He picks Finlay’s number. He attacks Coach. Khali shows up. Grabs 3 numbers. Kelly Kelly grabs the remaining 2 balls. Simmons shows up and says DAMN.

Match 4 – John Cena Vs Umaga – It be a LMS match for the WWE Title. Considered as a classic by many, but not me. Didn’t like it much on a last watch. The finish still haunts me as one of the dumbest things I’ve seen in a match, and a high profile one at that. I THINK UMAGA IS SCARIER THAN KING KONG. That’s for that Lawler. Nice to see your commentary was still on top form in 07… Anyway. Cena has bad ribs. Umaga does a nice job destroying them some more. And then Cena picks up the steel steps (which according to the announcers over the years, weigh quite a lot) and THROWS them at Umaga. A bunch of times. With BAD RIBS. Cena, the huge babyface he is, gets some encouraging chants while Umaga is beating the fuck out of him: “WE WANT TABLES”. Oh wait no, those aren’t encouraging, are they? LOL. Cena gets busted open: “CENA SUCKS!” LMFAO. Man, first half of this match, any time Cena attempts a comeback his offence is STUPID. He has bad ribs, so what does he does? Steel steps as mention. CROSSBODY from the top rope. Five Knuckle Shuffle (not bad on the ribs, but the dumbest thing he could do lol since it doesn’t really affect anyone). Towards the end he builds a little momentum by simply AVOIDING Umaga and forcing him to crash and burn so that’s good at least. And then we have the finish. FUCK THIS FINISH. Estrada uses a METAL SPANNER to take apart the top rope so Umaga can use A BIT OF METAL from the turnbuckle on Cena. Which is ONLY done so they have an excuse for the ropes to be broken so Cena can choke Umaga out. BULLSHIT. Overall this has it’s good points and bad points. Good us usually Umaga who looks GREAT on offence. Bad is mostly Cena who uses stupid offence. And then the finish outright BLOWS. Still, better than I remembered it, but not by much. ***1/4.

Match 5 – 30 Man Royal Rumble Match – #1 is none other than THE NATURE BOY. #1 is fucking FINALY. Hells yeah! LOL at number 3. KENNY DYKSTRA. Remember him? Nobody else does either. RIC FLAIR WAS ALIVE WHEN 2 PEOPLE WERE IN THE RR. Which makes no sense because it hasn’t exactly gotten bigger over the years. One with 20, then it’s always been 30 aside from that one time it was 40 lol. Some ECW jobbers show up. Sabu sets a table up on the outside. People tease putting people through it. Kane comes out at #10, chokeslams Sabu through the table. LOL at Cole. Kane is the 10th entrant. 2 people have been eliminated. WE HAVE 10 MEN IN THE RING RIGHT NOW. CM PUNK! He was actually rumoured to WIN this match lol. I like Punk and all but 2007 was not the year for him to win the RR. Things pick up with some good entrants like BENOIT and Orton. Kane eliminates Booker T, so Booker T runs back in, attacks Kane, throws him out then beats him down. Start of their EPIC FEUD for No Way Out lol. ECW being in this Rumble really brings it down lol. They all suck bar Punk.HBK. HBK AND FINLAY EXCHANGES. Viscera gets gangbanged and thrown out. Finlay is gone too. BOOOO. LMFAO, RVD gets up on the ropes to jump off with that kick he does… and CM Punk just walks away and goes after someone else leaving RVD looking like an egit. THE GREAT KHALI. I like how everyone goes after him one at a time. THAT’S SMART. The fans are absolutely SILENT while he beats down everyone. Miz comes out. Miz gets eliminated. I LOL. #30 is none other than THE UNDERTAKER. He finally takes care of Khali who dominated the last few minutes. MVP is net to do, and we are left with Rated RKO, Undertaker and HBK! What a final four! RKO to HBK and Rated RKO are left alone to beat down The Undertaker. HBK gets back into things after a few minutes, Rated RKO end up eliminated, and then we get the greatest finale to a RR match ever. Undertaker and HBK for the first time in NINE years. Would be another 2 before they had a singles match though, but damn this was awesome to see. RR is in Texas so both men could be considered favourites, and with both getting title matches at WM anyway I think they only went with Undertaker because he’d never won while Shawn had won twice before. Some parts of this match are a little iffy, thanks to the shitty ECW guys, but overall its fucking great and that finishing stretch with Undertaker and HBK just bumps it up a ton too. ****1/4.

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