2012 Royal Rumble
So apparently I never did a full review for this event last year. Looked up why, turns out I was on my way to Scotland hours afterwards for a funeral.
Match 1 – Daniel Bryan Vs Mark Henry Vs The Big Show – WHC inside a steel cage! Henry was just coming off his awesome 2011 run, but he’s dropped the title at TLC due to being injured. Yet still continued to wrestle for another 3 months or so. Show won the belt… then dropped it 45 seconds later to Daniel Bryan who cashed in Money in the Bank! Awesome. Bryan at this point was having some awesome character development, going from a pure babyface, to a heel who still thought he was a babyface. This was also the beginning of the AJ push. Match isn’t too long, since Henry is hurt after all, but I really like what they manage to do. Bryan takes turns in getting mauled by his bigger opponents, then occasionally Show and Henry would go at while. Finish is still really weird to me, with Show grabbing on to Daniel’s arm then he seemingly drops him and Bryan wins. Almost like a botch finish… except it wasn’t lol. Good stuff, but nothing amazing. Bryan/Henry cage match is the only cage bout you should check out from this feud, and then the singles Show/Henry matches too. **3/4.
Match 2 – The Bella Twins, Natalya & Beth Phoenix Vs Eve, Kelly Kelly, Tamina Snuka & Alicia Fox – NO.
Match 3 – John Cena Vs Kane – EMBRACE THE HATE. Or not. Cena will win anyway. Only good thing to come out of all this was Ryder getting destroyed on a weekly basis! Chokeslam through the stage, Tombstone, being pushed off the stage in his wheelchair LMFAO. Is there some sort of sick joke to be made about Cena and Kane doing a suffocation spot then countering into a crossface? There probably is, but I’ll refrain from doing it. Fuck me this was dull. Ends in a countout too. DUD.
Match 4 – Brodus Clay Vs Drew McIntyre – This is happening because. Yeah. I’m like 99% positive that Drew got “fired” a week or so ago by Teddy Long because he kept losing matches. Then he randomly shows up here. To get squashed by Brodus. At least he got past all this and now he’s doing something good. Oh wait, no. 3MB. Urgh. Way to waste one of the most talented guys on the roster, you fucktards. DUD.
Match 5 – CM Punk Vs Dolph Ziggler – WWE title on the line. The ENTIRE BUILDUP for this match was based around Punk and BIG JOHNNY, so Big Johnny was going to be the special referee. Then decided against it just before the match. So the entire build up went out the window. Awesome. SO we get some good stuff here because, well, Punk and Ziggler together always work nicely at the very least. However, there were some things I didn’t like. Mostly how Punk had Ziggler beat THREE TIMES while the referee is down and Big Johnny just stands on the outside and doesn’t attempt to make a call. Makes Ziggler look weak as shit… because he still ends up losing. If Ziggler got the title, then at least the being beat 3 times thing would have been perfect to focus on building up to a rematch. But as it was… it just made Ziggler look like a complete joke. Kinda like how Cena is doing with him now. Poor guy. Punk and Ziggler had better TV matches leading up to this match. **3/4.
Match 6 – 30 Man Royal Rumble Match – Rumble starts in the worst way ever with THE JIZ being #1. Alex Riley is #2. Things aren’t getting better lol. Match is dull for a while, then FOLEY shows up, followed by RICARDO who does Del Rio’s entrance only with some broken down old car which is amazing. Then Santino shows up and we get a battle of the sock puppets which makes me MARK OUT BRO. Then they get eliminated and it gets real fucking DULL again. All 3 commentators working the show enter because… fuck knows. Karma returns which was cool, but she doesn’t last long. ROAD DOGG shows up which is awesome. Love when Swagger comes in and chargers after everyone, knocking them down, but when he gets to Road Dogg, he just screams “woah!!” at him, so Swagger stops and leaves him alone. LOL. Gets dull again, then picks up with an awesome finishing stretch between Sheamus and Jericho as the final 2. Sheamus wins. Overall a boring as fuck match. Some fun surprises, but they don’t last very long. Finish makes up for a lot of the bad, but not by much. **3/4.