Well the first one sucked, so let’s do it again! Well ok, it made money and shit, so no wonder they made it a yearly thing. But doesn’t change the fact the event blew. And I have a sneaky feeling this one isn’t any better. WM 2 takes place in THREE cities, each getting an hour each live, then having to watch the other 2 hours on a big screen. And each city has its own commentary team… with one “guest” commentator. All of whom are horrible because they don’t know what the fuck is going on, who anyone is, or what wrestling is about. AWESOME. Still no Art Donavon though.
Match 1 – Paul Orndorff Vs The Magnificent Muraco – From main eventing WM 1… to opening WM 2 lol. Poor Orndorff. I have the tagged classic version of, well, every WM from 1-14, but I also have an Anthology version of WM 1. The different, other than the TC versions being unedited… are that they are edited. Just not in the way you think. They cut out interviews and backstage stuff, so we JUST get the matches, all clipped together. So WM 1 had pretty much zero build for most of the matches, but at least we got those backstage interviews where they could TRY and justify a reason. Here we don’t even get that. THE ROCK Don Muraco… reminds me of one of the guys from The Sopranos. Well this is short and shit. They trade some holds, then fight on the outside and the bell rings. Double countout? DQ? I DON’T KNOW BECAUSE THEY CUT TO THE NEXT MATCH BEFORE THEY MAKE THE ANNOUNCEMENT. LMAO, awesome editing for the original Coliseum videos. DUD.
Match 2 – Randy Savage Vs George The Animal Steele – ALRIGHT GEORGE, EAT HIS LEG! Great commentary from… the women working with Vince on commentary. Susan St. James. That’s the women. Just came up on the screen lol. Apparently she’s an actress. I’ve seen her in 2 things… and they were guest appearances. Match is just horrible. George does his retard schtick, Savage runs away. George gets distracted by Liz (because the story is that he’s in love with her or something)… and Savage hits the elbow! And GEORGE KICKS OUT. And they treat it like nothing happened. LOL. Savage gets the 3 with his feet on the ropes. Urgh. Terrible. DUD.
Match 3 – Jake Roberts Vs George Wells – Crazy to think that WM is largely considered a “supercard” for WWE every year. In the early days it was random matches with a couple of meaningful ones thrown in. Jake bumps around like a fucking GOD for his random nobody opponent, then hits the DDT and it’s over. LOL. 1/4*.
Match 4 – Roddy Piper Vs Mr T – The infamous boxing match between 2 of the 4 men involved in the main event last year. Being a big match with meaning we get some interviews (Piper’s is awesome of course. I’D QUIT TIDDLY WINKS!) and even some video footage showing kinda how this match came about but not really. Still, at least they tried. LMFAO Mr T has a midget in his corner. Guessing it’s the one Piper and Orton shaved so it makes sense. Would be hilariously random though if he was there but the hair cutting thing never happened. Mr T reminds me a lot of The Rock. He’s blown up a minute in to the match! You know, I don’t think this is as awful as some people might claim, Piper included. Only real bad thing about it is the missed punch from Mr T lol. It’s a fake boxing match on a wrestling show, it was never going to be a classic, but they make some stuff look good and DO land quite a few shots, mainly body. Ends in a DQ when Piper bodyslams Mr T. 1/4*.
Match 5 – The Fabulous Moolah Vs Velvet McIntyre – Ladies Championship match. No thanks. NO.
Match 6 – Nikolai Volkoff Vs Corporal Kirishner – I don’t think so Tim. NO.
Match 7 – 20 Man Battle Royal: WWF Vs NFL – Andre wins. DUD.
Match 8 – The British Bulldogs Vs Brutus Beefcake & Greg Valentine – Tag belts up for grabs. And another fucking Brutus match. It’s a good tag team match. A couple of good moments/spots or whatever, but aside from that it’s a basic standard tag match. Not saying that’s a bad thing of course, but I always heard suck great thing about this match that I’m constantly disappointed when I watch it and don’t “get it” like other people seem to do. Maybe they have lower standards because of how terrible everything else is before this match? ***.
Match 9 – Ricky Steamboat Vs Hercules Hernandez – Hernandez looks like a jacked up Eugene. Steamboat dominates a great deal of this match with his speed and MARTIAL ARTS (aka a chop and a side kick), but then the POWER of Hercules comes into play and Steamboat gets to work from underneath; something he’s incredible at. Fun basic match here with the smaller highflying wrestler meeting the power wrestler. When the power of Hernandez doesn’t work for him, he makes a BIG mistake of going to the ropes, only for Steamboat to counter, go to the ropes himself and pick up the win. **.
Match 10 – Adorable Adrian Adonis Vs Uncle Elma – Adonis dressed as a women against a big fat farmer. Despite being a fan of Adonis, I can’t sit through this. NO.
Match 11 – Tito Santana & Junkyard Dog Vs Terry & Hoss Funk – Why the FUCK did they name Dory “Hoss”? Ah well, at least we have one of the legitimate greatest of all time wrestlers on a WrestleMania show. TERRY FUCKING FUNK. Is he STILL working matches now btw? Fun early going to this match, because Terry is stooging around the ring like only Terry can. Hell, everything good about this match is from Terry. His stooging early on, his offence on control, comedy spots, getting slammed on/through a table and some chairs. Everything was TERRY. Replace him with anyone else and this match would have been the dullest shit ever. But Terry was there so I enjoyed it a little. **.
Match 12 – Hulk Hogan Vs King Kong Bundy – Steel cage bout for the WWF title! Hogan has injured rips going in, so the odds are stacked against him. Apparently Bundy REALLY DID hurt Hogan with the attack on SNME lol. Hogan gets off to a fast start, trying to gain some measure of revenge AND take out the big man as quick as possible to prevent more punishment to the ribs and allow Bundy any chance of escaping the cage and winning the WWF title. Both guys do a good job here, bumping nicely when thrown into the cage and whatnot. Hogan sells the ribs, Bundy does a nice job attacking them. LOL at clearly seeing Bundy blade. They practically have the camera focused on Bundy the entire time he’s doing it. Then Hogan kinda stops selling the ribs while he destroys Bundy, but goes back to them when he tries to slam the giant and ends up falling backwards. Then Hogan gets up again and doesn’t bother selling the ribs lol. AVALANCHE! BIG SPLASH! Bundy is gonna win the WWF title! Yes! Yes! Yes! Nah. AVALANCHE! NO SELL! POWERSLAM! LEGDROP! Hogan climbs out of the cage, Bundy tries to escape through the door but Hogan beats him to the punch. Overall an entertaining match, but Hogan’s lack of selling for a great deal of it kinda sucks. **.