Why are these early WM’s jam packed full of matches? Seriously, they are averaging at around 13 matches per show. 13. With 2 hour 40 minutes roughly per show. And there are backstage interviews and all that other shit thrown in too. Leaving not much time for the matches. So instead of potentially 8 strong matches, we get around 10 shitty matches with hardly any time and a couple of decent ones. Bah.
Oh man, the video package to kick this show off is awesome. UNIVERSE. STARS. IMAGES. HOGAN. WARRIOR. LOL.
Match 1 – Koko B Ware Vs Rick Martel – LMFAO I had this on at the same time I was posting on a forum. I wrote about 3 lines, and this was already over! DUD.
Match 2 – Demolition Vs Andre The Giant & Haku – One of Andre’s last matches ever if I remember correctly. Certainly his 2nd to last major match anyway (last being SummerSlam later in the year). Poor Andre can barely even walk around the ring without holding onto the rope all the time. No expecting ANYTHING from this match, but HAKU against 2 other big guys? Potential for some STIFF shots. Damn, nothing worth writing about. Andre doesn’t even get tagged in. He just comes in at the end, gets tied up in the ropes, allowing Demolition to pin Haku. Andre face turn so he can retire (later in the year, anyway) as a good guy. DUD.
Match 3 – Earthquake Vs Hercules – EARTHQUAKE. A fav of mine when I was a kid. So naturally I’m gonna watch this even though I predict it’ll be SHIT. Yeah, this was shit. LOL. DUD.
Match 4 – Mr Perfect Vs Brutus The Barber Beefcake – Seriously? It’s Mr Perfect so I’m gonna watch… but his WM opponent is fucking BRUTAL THE BARBER BEEEEEEFCAKE? And yes, I meant to spell it as BRUTAL. Because that’s the best way to describe the guy. Fucking brutal. Fuck you Hogan for giving this guy any sort of career. This match is pretty much Perfect just bouncing around and wrestling himself. Even beats himself by flying into the ring post head first. But Brutus is announced as the winner. Fuck him. Perfect was awesome though. 3/4*.
Match 5 – Rowdy Roddy Piper Vs Bad News Brown – So Piper is half black. Fuck me this sucks. And then ends in a double countout. Urgh. Why? DUD.
Match 6 – The Hart Foundation Vs The Bolsheviks – Ends in under a minute. DUD.
Match 7 – Tito Santana Vs The Barbarian – NO.
Match 8 – Randy Savage & Sensational Sherry Vs Dusty Rhodes & Sapphire – FUCK. THIS. SHIT. NO.
Match 9 – The Rockers Vs The Orient Express – This was AWESOME at the RR a couple of months earlier. Can they do it again? God I hope so. This event so far has been DIRE. Ahhhh, finally, a match I can ENJOY on this show. Good stuff here, though not on the level of their RR match (not many tag matches are tbh). HBK as FIP is always win, some nice moves from the Orient Express, good double team stuff… and the finish… while being a shitty countout loss for The Rockers, was done awesomely. Marty gets salt thrown in his eyes, then just flops about on the floor and falls over the guard rail and into the front row. Has to be seen, it’s fucking hilariously awesome. Shawn walking past him asking if he’s ok and just carrying on is EPIC. ***1/4.
Match 10 – Dino Bravo Vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan – I don’t think so Tim. NO.
Match 11 – Ted DiBiase Vs Jake Roberts – Yes. This has potential for awesomeness. These 2 have an awesome match in 85 Mid-South that I really fucking love. Hoping this is just as good. Jake looks great early on, but the fact they know each other well comes into play when DiBiase is able to counter the knee lift of Jake and fuck, Jake takes a crazy bump into the corner from it. PILEDRIVER. DiBiase looks pleased and wastes time gloating, allowing Roberts the time to kick out. But the effects of the Piledriver are still on Jake, so we get DiBiase beating down the Snake some more. MILLION DOLLAR DREAM. Jake however is a pro and is able to manoeuvre near the ropes, so even when he gets taken to the mat, he can hook the ropes with his leg and escape the hold, as well as a pin fall attempt. DiBiase is a great cocky bastard here, but his constant stalling continues to allow Jake the chance to recover and make a comeback, and of course Roberts sells the effects of the Piledriver and Million Dollar Dream all the way. DDT time! But DiBiase is also a pro and figures a way to counter! He grabs the ref’s leg and holds on, and while the ref is trying to get him off, Virgil takes Jake through the ropes and to the outside. Million Dollar Dream! Jake crashed them both into the ring post, but Virgil being there for DiBiase allows him to gain a little help in getting back to the ring before the 10 count. Jake loses though. Match was good. Not great, but good. ***.
Match 12 – Akeem Vs The Big Bossman – Why does this match interest me so much? Akeem is hilarious as the “African Dream”. He does the exact same dance move with his arms constantly, and that’s like, his entire gimmick. How can Slick be a heel manager with THAT theme song? So bloody catchy. Speaking of catchy themes… HE CARRIES A BIG STICK, A BALL AND CHAIN TOO! Bossman face theme is GOAT. DiBiase appears from out of nowhere and attacks the Bosman before the match can begin! Slam on the floor, sent into the steel post then thrown into the ring to start the match! Akeem now has a big advantage. Holy fuck, Bossman doesn’t just kick out of the first pin attempt… HE POWERS OUT. AKEEM FLIES OFF OF BOSSMAN. LOOK AT THIS POWER MOV… well he tried one anyway. LMAO MONSOON IS AWESOME. Looked like Bossman was trying to turn the 10 punches in the corner into a reverse atomic drop, but Akeem was too heavy and just kinda fell and Bossman’s legs collapsed on him. Bossman slam, and this is over. Short and sweet. I enjoyed this far too much than I should have lol. **.
HONKA HONKA HONKA HONKY LOVE! DDP! He’s driving his very own Pink Cadillac to the ring with Honky Tonk Man and his entourage. He agreed to let them use his car and I *think* he even did it for free, as long as he could drive it and be part of the show. Honky Tonk Man might be a fairly shitty wrestler that I’m not really a fan of, but fuck, I love the HTM gimmick. Entertaining as FUCK. Is that… is that Greg Valentine with Honky? Fuck me, it is. LMFAO at Valentine, THE HAMMER, dressed like Elvis jamming out on his guitar while Honky sings. Rhythm and Blues is their team name/band name. The Bushwhackers are randomly there trying to sell merchandise. I… I guess they have some kind of problem with R&B. They run them off then trash their equipment. Odd, random, fun.
Match 13 – Rick Rude Vs Jimmy Snuka – I love Rude, but no. I can’t watch Snuka wrestler. Guy is terrible. NO.
Match 14 – Hulk Hogan Vs The Ultimate Warrior – WWF Title Vs IC Title. The first major Face vs Face match that I can remember, at least in WWF. Just being the main event of WM probably makes it bigger than any others that have taken place before in any other promotions tbh. Warrior looks like a retard. He’s just stood with his mouth wide open. Crowd are going more nuts for these two pushing each other than they have for ANYTHING else before it. Simples times. I miss em. LMFAO at them locking up. Both pressing against each other, shaking and screaming. I’m sure everyone has seen the animated GIF of the knuckle lock with Warrior… uhhh… looking like he’s doing something to Hogan. It’s just as hilarious seeing it in full rather than the edited GIF. Match is just a total spectacle. Hey Rock/Cena, take notes. THIS is how you do a big epic spectacle match. Not that fucking trash you did at WM 28,a and will likely do again at WM 29. Things are kept simple; punches, slams, elbow drops, clotheslines. Mainly because that’s kinda all either man has in their arsenal lol, but also because they don’t need to do SHIT and the fans will react like it’s the greatest thing ever. Couple of dull moments where Hogan goes for a rest hold, then Warrior goes for one too (fucking Bear Hug), but the crowd are still with them at least, and they do some entertaining stuff in between them too. Some nice false finishes near the end, with both guys technically getting a 3 count on each other but the ref was down. Was this match the beginning of the big false finish/finish reversal WWF/E style main event matches? Other than Hogan no selling finishers, I really can’t recall a WWF match doing a finish like this. So kudos to them, because they do it really well, and while the style CAN be overused and done wrong, when it’s done right it’s fucking INCREDIBLE and has lead to a bunch of great matches and moments. Warrior finally wins in the end, and becomes the new WWF Champion! Great match. Could have been better without those rest holds (which I truly believe were used as REST holds here), but everything else was great. Best WM Main Event so far. ***3/4.