WrestleMania 7

Posted on: March 17th, 2013 by Big Cal

WM 7


WrestleMania Goes American! Gulf War, Slaughter a turn coat, Hogan the real American hero, you get the idea. WM was going to be held in some huge arena in an attempt to create a new attendance record… but ticket sales sucked so they have to move. Then claimed it was because Slaughter had numerous threats on his life and they were afraid something might happen in the other arena. But they were safe in a small arena… ok.

Match 1 – The Rockers Vs Haku & Barbarian – This should be fucking FUN. Faces of Fear (their WCW name) Vs The Rockers. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. No Ventura on commentary :(. Instead… Hacksaw Jim Duggan? How… random. Then again, the whole American theme for WM… makes a little sense. Awesome clothesline from Haku to take out both Rockers, then nice double superkick to him when he tries again and they counter! Nice contrast of styles, with the 2 power wrestlers against the 2 high flyers. I like how The Rockers use double team moves all the time just to take down one guy, and I like how they try again but it backfired and FoF get a double team move in of their own and murder poor Marty. Oh, and LMFAO at Barbarian reacting to a punch that didn’t happen. Marty hits a quick jab during a comeback attempt, and Barb thinks he’s going for another so he feeds his head in then snaps back… meanwhile Marty hits a kick to the gut LOL. Nice hot tag, nice finishing stretch. Rockers get the win. This is a good tag match and a boat load of fucking fun. ***

Match 2 – Kerry Von Eric Vs Dino Bravo – Kerry has that stupid Texas Tornado name going, which for a time they would ONLY refer to him as that, but here they announce him as KVE too. This one gets off to a chaotic start, kinda like a… twister… no that’s not right. Whirlpool? Bah, who cares. Bravo just fucking creams Von Eric. Really takes the fight to him… then slows the match down to a snails pace. Yey…  Bravo hits his awesomely lame finisher (side slam) and OMG Kerry kicks out. Little back and forth, Kerry hits the big discus punch after applying THE CLAW and it’s over. Short. Starts off good, slows down for about a minute then goes to a finish. Nothing bad. Nothing good. Too short to be anything really worth seeing, but being so short means you won’t feel like it was a waste. 1/2*.

Match 3 – The Warlord Vs The British Bulldog – Warlord looks like a roided up Steve Austin. Yeah, I’ve said it a bunch of times before. Get over it. It’s still true dammit. Slick managing Warlord seems… odd. They don’t fit tbh. Slick should have cocky, sleazy heels or dancing fools like Akeem, not some muscle bound monster. Still, better than being managed by a dog. Match is all about whether or not Bulldog can escape the Full Nelson. He can. Warlord looks shocked. Bulldog hits the powerslam. And it’s over. Short match. For the best I guess. 1/4*.

Match 4 – The Nasty Boys Vs The Hart Foundation – I remember this being really good. Hope it holds up! Macaulay Culkin is in the audience and we see him on camera before this match starts. Oh man, they should have done a Home Alone where the Nasty Boys were trying to break into his house. WOULD HAVE BEEN EPIC I TELLS YA! A somewhat lengthy babyface shine period to begin with, but some double team cheating and the Nasty’s are in control and really take the fight to Bret while The Anvil goes fucking insane on the apron desperate to get in there. Some real fucking sweet comeback attempts from Bret and cut off spots from the Nasty Boys, and plenty of tags made by Bret that didn’t officially happen because the ref was out of position to see it. Real nice basic tag 101 stuff, done in a way that is far from basic. They tease a finish with the megaphone when it backfires on the Nasty Boys, as well as the Nasty Boys having some miscommunication spots, but in the end the megaphone finally puts away the Hart Foundation and we got us some new tag champs! Great tag match. I’m liking this WM so far! Nasty’s and Jimmy Hart losing their shit because they won the gold is amazing. ***1/2

Match 5 – Rick Martel Vs Jake Roberts – Blindfold match! Great story behind this one, and if anyone can pull of a match where both guys are blindfolded, its Jake fucking Roberts. Incredible Jake promo before the match. Short, but intense as fuck. People aren’t going to like this match, no doubt. Some will, but I’d bet most won’t. They can’t see. They don’t do fancy sequences and holds and whatnot. They just wander about, listening to the crowd (they help Jake but not Martel which is cool), and try to find each other. And the crowd are eating this shit up, which makes it entirely watchable and somewhat fun too. Can you imagine them trying it today? The fans would probably be so fucking quiet it would kill the match lol. DDT from Jake and thankfully this is kept nice and short. It’s unique and somewhat works, but not something I’d point to as a good Jake Robert match or anything haha. *.

Match 6 – The Undertaker Vs Jimmy Snuka – The beginning of The Streak. The Undertaker had been with the company for less than 6 months, but was already featured in a match at the biggest event of the year against an extremely popular babyface, and someone who was involved in the main event of the FIRST ever WrestleMania 7 years prior. Not only was this The Undertaker’s first WrestleMania, it was also his first singles PPV match! As The Undertaker makes his way down to the ring, with Paul Bearer and the urn in front, I am very surprised by the rather HUGE pop The Undertaker gets when his music hits, and his name his announced! The guy is supposed to be a heel lol. But then again, who can honestly boo such awesomeness? The Undertaker just stands and stares at his opponent, not moving a muscle until he sees a chance to attack Snuka from behind while he tries to climb the ropes and play to the crowd. It’s all downhill from that point on, with The Undertaker constantly on the offense, including landing his soon to be signature leaping lariat. Again, I am surprised at the pop for The Undertaker, this time as he lands a massive suplex to his opponent! Snuka finally gets an opening for some offense, but a spring board cross body results in a Tombstone Piledriver! 1-0 for The Undertaker! There isn’t much to this match really. It’s short, and seemingly has no feud to it either. It’s basically an aging superstar being squashed by a newcomer who would eventually become one of the absolute biggest legends in the history of the industry. *.

Match 7 – Randy Savage Vs The Ultimate Warrior – Retirement match time! This match gets some major pimpage from a lot of people, especially those whose opinion I value when it comes to wrestling. However, it’s never been a match I’ve thought was that great. Will this watch change my mind? We shall see! Oh, and who happens to be in the audience? Why, it’s Miss Elizabeth! Savage dumped her last year and became the MACHO KING and joined forced with Sensational Sherry. Warrior puts over the importance of this one by simply not running 100 miles an hour down to the ring. He takes his time, saves his energy, because he knows he’s gonna need it all for this one. Savage gets destroyed right from the start. Sherry tries to help out, but the first distraction leads to nothing and the second time she gets involved sends her crashing to the outside. Oh man, Warrior KNOWS how dominant he is right now. He catches Savage coming off the ropes and holds him there, then just puts him down and slaps him right in the face, telling Savage to FIGHT LIKE A MAN dammit. Ironically it’s Warrior that takes himself out of this match, going face first right into the steel post. Sherry attacks him on the outside, and just bends right over in front of the camera, and well, he outfit isn’t very long and… yeah, nice view haha. Then she gets on the apron and bends over again lol. Guess she likes showing off? Warrior is hard to keep down for long though, as he keeps making comebacks. Sherry comes off the ropes trying to nail Warrior in the head with her shoe, but of course he moves and Savage gets taken out. Warrior is far too concerned with taking out Sherry to cover Savage, allowing Savage the time to recover. Both guys are exhausted, but Savage still has a little left in the tank. ELBOW DROP. ELBOW DROP. ELBOW DROP. ELBOW DROP. ELBOW DROP. KICK OUT. LOL. Savage cannot believe that someone not only kicked out of his finisher… but FIVE? This is how much Warrior’s career means to him. Nothing is going to stop him. Warrior begins to Warrior Up, hits the Press Slam, the Big Splash and this one is… NOT OVER!SAVAGE KICKED OUT! SAVAGE KICKED OUT! And this is where we get that awesome moment of Warrior looking to the heavens, asking them what he has to do, wondering if he can in face do it. He begins to doubt himself. Maybe it’s his time to go. Maybe he’s no longer the ULTIMATE Warrior. Warrior begins to walk away, believing that he’s done, but Savage doesn’t want that. He wants to BEAT the Warrior and END his career for real. Nice callback to the Savage feud, trying to crush his throat on the guardrail, but the Warrior has a change of heart, and realises that his time is NOT over yet! Like Savage went overkill with the Elbow Drops, Warrior goes overkill with running Shoulder Blocks, sending Savage out of the ring after each, then finally letting it all end and pinning Savage. Warrior wins, and Savage’s career is OVER! Sherry is pissed and turns on Savage afterwards, leading to Miss Liz coming to his aid and reuniting them! Incredible match. Loved this way more than before that’s for sure. ****1/2.

Match 8 – Koji Kitao & Genichiro Tenryu Vs Demolition – TENRYU AT WRESTLEMANIA!!! LMAO I on’t think he even cares about his tag partner, who gets attacked from behind before the bell… and Tenryu just stands on the apron not even attempting to help. Mr Fuji hits Koji with his walking stick. Tenryu continues to not give a fuck lol. Oh man, imagine if they shuffled things around a bit and we got TENRYU Vs The Rockers? Eeeeee Tenryu got tagged in. Unfortunately he’s the one taking a beating. Bah. He should have just grumpily kicked people then tagged out and let Koji take the offence. FUCK ME. Tenryu POWERBOMB’S one of Demolition! And this match is over! TENRYU WINS AT WRESTLEMANIA. This WM is really shaping up to be fucking awesome. Shame this match wasn’t that good though lol. But I liked it because of TENRYU. *.

Match 9 – Mr Perfect Vs The Big Bossman – IC Title on the line! Oh man, Perfect takes the GOAT bump from a slap EVER. You know when people turn inside out on a clothesline? Well Perfect does that for a SLAP. On the floor. This could be a ton of fun with Bossman tossing Perfect around, Perfect bumping all over the place, then going into a cool finish or something. Hope we don’t get TOO LONG with Perfect controlling or anything tbh, even if he is the heel and it’s kinda his job to control the match. DAMN, Bossman’s bump into the steel steps looks vicious. Actually thought he hurt himself for real. Maybe he did. ANDRE! ANDRE THE GIANT IS HERE! For some reason Andre walks around with the IC title… then smashes it into Perfect’s face! Bossman is down though after going head first into an exposed turnbuckle, not too long after the stairs bump. Perfect is in real trouble of losing his title, so Faces of Fear come down and cause a DQ. More awesome bumping from Perfect as he takes a shot from ANDRE, who helps Bossman run off the heels. Fuck me this was fun. **.

Match 10 – Earthquake Vs Greg Valentine – Guessing Valentine turned on HTM and Jimmy Hart at some point lol. Last year he was dressed live Elvis and playing guitar. This year he has to face the monster Earthquake. Valentine tries to take down the big Earthquake, and the crowd pop when he finally does. Attempts a Figure Four, but between the thick legs of ‘Quake and Jimmy Hart constantly distracting him, Valentine eventually falls to the extreme weight of his opponent. They kept it short so I can’t say anything bad about this tbh lol. 1/4*.

Match 11 – The Legion of Doom Vs Power & Glory – LMFAO, Paul Roma; early 90’s version of Garrett Bischoff! Do P&G stand ANY chance of winning? Of course they fucking don’t Roma is SQUASHED in like a minute. For that reason alone, it avoids the dud rating LOL! 1/4*.

Match 12 – Ted DiBiase Vs Virgil – They make a bigger deal out of Piper being in Virgil’s corner than they do out of Virgil LOL. And rightfully so. Virgil takes a while to come out. Guess he was in a subway trying to sell his merchandise! Virgil is dressed like a boxer, and basically boxes DiBiase at the start. DiBiase is of course pissed that he’s being shown up by his former “slave” for lack of better term (though that’s really what this angle was all about), so when he gets the chance he starts to “wrestle” his former employee and starts to beat him down once he has control. Piper is using a crutch since he was recently involved in a car crash and injured his knee. DiBiase pushes him and he falls back and cracks his knee on the chair. Not sure if it was suppose to happen like that or not, but it looked NASTY. So Piper retaliates by using his crutch to pull down the ropes, and DiBiase ends up on the outside going after Piper… and gets counted out! Virgil wins his big revenge match, but DiBiase locks in the Million Dollar Dream and takes out his former employee before Piper can stop him. Then Sherry shows up and Piper gets beat down too! Virgil eventually manages to make the save. This wasn’t too long, Virgil gets the win, DiBiase gets to look strong in defeat… all in all good stuff for the time it got. *.

Match 13 – Tito Santana Vs The Mountie – First and only match on the card I’m saying no to. NO.

Match 14 – Sgt Slaughter Vs Hulk Hogan – WWF Title on the line. America Vs Iran? Iraq? Hogan Vs Slaughter. That’s all that matters. A STEEL CHAIR IN THE HANDS OF SLAUGHTER. It’s clearly wood with a padded seat. LOL. Man, some awesome stalling and heel schtick from Slaughter here. They barely fucking touch for like 10 minutes, which is half the match. Slaughter has plenty of heat, then Hogan gets great reactions when he begins to dominate Slaughter who is a tremendous bumper for someone his size. Slaughter finally DOES use a steel chair… and uhhh… is this No DQ? Because the referee is watching this whole thing. Slaughter even chokes Hogan out with a cable. And the ref just does the 10 count because they are out of the ring. Ok. Slaughter does a real fucking great job of beating down Hogan, and Hogan sells everything tremendously. He’s a great seller for the most part, he just forgets about it all when he Hulks up, hits the big boot and leg drop lol. But before all of that (guessing that’s the finish anyway lol), he sells awesomely. Getting some colour adds to it too. Hulk Up comeback is actually done pretty nicely, with Slaughter covering him in the… flag that he supports now lol… and Hogan kicks out, realises what was covering them, tears it up and hits the big boot and leg drop to vanquish the evil and win back the WWF Title. Good match! ***.

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