WrestleMania 9

Posted on: March 19th, 2013 by Big Cal

WM 9

 

First Tagged Classic WM with the countdown to WM! Not sure if they did one before or not though. I like these because it actually explains WHY people are having matches, something we didn’t get a lot of the time in previous WM events. Some clips of Yoko dominating jobbers… and I’m fairly certain one of them is Al Snow. I see he didn’t go much further in his career… LOL. Ahhh, we get to see Beefcake getting SMASHED IN THE FACE with a briefcase. I can’t stop smiling! IRS… the original MITB Briefcase holder!

Match 1 – Shawn Michaels Vs Tatanka – IC title on the line, and Tatanka has 2 pinfall wins over the Heart Break Kid going into this match! JR’s first WM! Luna Vachon seems to be following HBK to the ring. Honestly don’t remember how when what who why they were together or anything. Sensational Sherry follows Tatanka out to the ring too. She and Shawn obviously have a history, which you will remember from my RR 93 review (GO READ IT). Shawn trying to sneak a hair pull without the ref seeing it is a fun little spot. As is Shawn ping ponging about early on as Tatanka chops him around and shit. Then Tatanka targets the left shoulder that Shawn apparently dislocated in a 6 man tag (the second match where he got the win over HBK) and I start to yawn as he just sits there doing fuck all. LEARN TO WORK A HOLD DAMMIT. Match turns to HBK’s favour when… he catches Tatanka coming off the top rope with a super kick! Lol, if that happened today it would get a massive pop and would END pretty much any match. 1993? Transitional spot. LOL. Randy Savage: SHAWN MICHAELS KNOWS WHAT HE HAS TO DO, GO FOR THE PIN. Shawn Michaels: HEADLOCK. Me: LOL. Honestly, aside from a couple of spots and Shawn’s bumping, this is dull as shit. Tatanka wins via DQ, so his undefeated streak remains but Shawn keeps the title. Can’t believe this goes nearly 20 minutes. Cut it in half and it might have been good. **.

Match 2 – The Steiner Brothers Vs The Head Shrinkers – Fatu is Rikishi for those who don’t know. Also, the long haired Steiner is indeed Scott. He’s yet to juice up to the MAX, cut his hair, and become insane. He’s still good though! Oh man, THAT hotshot spot. Ends up turning into a Flapjack right over the ropes with Scott just dying on the floor. Fatu hits more awesome superkicks. I’m actually surprised that Scott is taking such a beating. Usually any Steiner match where one of them plays FIP we are lucky to see their opponents hit 3 moves without a suplex being hit on them lol. Damn, hot tag to Rick and fuck, even he gets derailed quickly, and in a great way too. He smashes their heads together, but being SAMOAN it doesn’t hurt then, so they come back with a double head butt to him. Oh shit, how the fuck did that not end this match? Headshrinkers go for a Doomsday Device, and Rick CATCHES HIM OFF THE ROPES AND HITS A POWERSLAM WHILE ON THE SHOULDERS OF THE OTHER GUY. I legitimately said FUCK when I saw it. That seriously may be the greatest counter I have ever seen. Match then ends with a Frankensteiner from Scott, but Samu takes it shittily. Aside from that, this was a really bossy tag match. ***1/2.

Match 3 – Crush Vs Doink – Heel Doink played by Matt Bourne is seriously one of the greatest characters I’ve seen. He’s just tremendous as the sadistic clown who can go from laughing nicely to having a face that would scare anyone. His music was creepy as fuck too. I love it. Wouldn’t mind looking up his Indy stuff where he turned the heel Doink character into more of a Heath Ledger Joker. Bet he pulled it off tremendously. Match isn’t anything worth talking about. At all. Until the finish and we get TWO DOINKS OMG HOW DID THEY DO THOSE SPECIAL EFFECTS ON LIVE PPV IN 1993?!?!? Doink wins. 1/2*.

Match 4 – Razor Ramon Vs Bob Backlund – BOB’s first WM! WWF Champion for nearly 6 years, only lost it in late ’83, and took him 10 years to get on a WM card? Well, didn’t help that he left the company shortly after losing the belt lol. Still, BOB. LMAO Bob no sells the tooth pick being throw in his face. Backlund sells punches awesomely. But he’s from that old school era where punches meant something and weren’t thrown 70 times in the first minute. LMFAO poor Bob, totally MISSES a dropkick, but thankfully Razor is smart enough to not sell it. Roll up. Razor wins. Short. Nothingness. DUD.

Match 5 – Money Incorporated Vs The Mega Maniacs – A large part of me wants to skip this completely… but I dunno, kinda feel like I should watch it. Plus Brutus is liking gonna be the guy to take the beating in the match so Hogan can get the hot tag and clean house and shit. And Brutus taking a beating for a while interests me far more than it should LOL. Brutus injured himself… in a wind surfing accident or something? I forget exactly, so he needed facial surgery. That’s where the attack with the briefcase comes in to have an excuse for a protective mask on TV. And the mask looks like Kane’s current mask lol, only yellow. Repeat of last year where Hogan’s music still plays while the heels get taken out and attacked and sent out of the ring lol. Money Inc get absolutely DESTROYED, and decide to fuck off. Then randomly the ref has the power to not only count them out, but say if they don’t get back by the count of 10 they lose the tag titles. Yeah ok. Since putting a title on Hogan would be a dumb, retarded, stupid fucked up idea (…), they come back to the ring and the match continues. Well bugger me, HOGAN is the one doing the FIP. Guess since Beefcake has the bigger BEEF with Money Inc he has to be the one to get the hot tag and fuck shit up. And his face is injured. Hogan has a black eye too though, rumour has it that Bret punched him, but I don’t think that is true tbh. Bret wouldn’t have the balls. Hot tag to BEEEEEEFCAKE and… he takes a turn at being the FIP, and they even rip off his mask. Urgh. Why is this match lasting longer. I should have skipped it. They tease Hogan and Beefcake winning when Jimmy Hart puts on a ref shirt and counts the 3, but of course it isn’t official in any way. Money Inc win as a result of a DQ. I uhhh… don’t really know why because I wasn’t paying much attention. DUD.

Match 6 – Mr Perfect Vs Lex Luger – Luger is the Narsarsarsarsasis or something. LMFAO even MR PERFECT fucks up the name in a promo prior to the match. Perfect is here to make Luger look NOT PERFECT, and he does a good job using his wrestling skills to show up the Narsarsasisasisias, then goes after the leg to ground him and eliminate the power factor. And Luger… Luger looks fucking great. He bounces around nicely for Perfect, and sells his leg well while Perfect goes after it and continues to sell when he makes a comeback too, and waits a good amount of time before he stops. Luger gets worse as time goes on though, as he really starts to get slow and sluggish towards the end of the match. Maybe he was blown up, not sure, but he managed to keep going and shit so at least he was still trying lol. Structure of the match was really weird, especially given the build for Lex. Perfect controls WAY too much of the match, then even has to get pinned with his legs on the ropes but the ref didn’t see them to break up the count. He gets knocked out afterwards, but still, was way more of a Mr Perfect show than a Lex show that it probably should have been. Still, this was a solid match. **.

Match 7 – The Undertaker Vs The Giant Gonzalez – The Undertaker was now one of the biggest faces in the company, but instead of being in the WWF Title scene, was being fed to misfit monsters, with one of the absolute worst ever being Giant Gonzalez. Gonzalez made his debut at the 1993 Royal Rumble, not as a participant in the match, but simply to destroy The Undertaker and take him out of the match. The Undertaker was near 7 foot tall, but Gonzalez was said to be nearly 8 foot tall! This lead to many beat downs for The Undertaker, as for the first time in his career, he was the underdog. The match starts with a stare down (or stare “up” for The Undertaker lol), before Gonzalez nails The Undertaker with a clubbing blow, only for The Undertaker to be unaffected! Gonzalez keeps trying to hit The Undertaker, but the Dead Man uses all the built up frustration to take the fight right to the giant. Eventually the size difference comes into play, and Gonzalez has The Undertaker right where he wants him… which unfortunately for us is a boring rest hold :p. The crowd still seem to be into the match though, thanks to the popularity of The Undertaker during this time. They continue to cheer him on as he takes a beating from Gonzalez, including some spots with the steel steps on the outside. The Undertaker finally makes a comeback, and the crowd roars when he finally takes the giant down to his knees! Wippleman, Gonzalez’s manager, gets on the apron and throws a towel to Gonzalez! The Undertaker grabs Harvey, while Gonzalez knocks out Paul Bearer so he can’t interfere while he shoves the towel (covered in ether or something like that) into The Undertaker’s face! The referee calls for the bell, and The Undertaker goes 3-0 at WrestleMania thanks to a DQ (the first and only non Submission/Pinfall victory for The Undertaker at WrestleMania!). Gonzalez then proceeds to take out the referee, while The Undertaker is taken out on a stretcher. Gonzalez celebrates in the ring, until a gong goes off, and The Undertaker returns to the ring! He finally takes down the giant for the first time in his WWF career, and sends him to the outside! Nice way to finish the match IMO. The Undertaker still won, but Gonzalez got put over BIG TIME by manhandling The Undertaker and sending him away on a stretcher, while the fans left happy when ‘Taker returned and sent Gonzalez down and out of the ring. I don’t know if it’s because I am biased towards The Undertaker or not, but this didn’t seem as bad as I remembered it. It was shorter than I remembered it too, which helps lol. It’s still up there as one of The Undertaker’s WORST WrestleMania matches, but I don’t think it’s a DUD. It was a change of pace at this point in time to see The Undertaker as the underdog (which unfortunately got overdone for most of his career following this lol), having to fight the bigger/stronger opponent. Keeping it relatively short was key, as Gonzalez couldn’t work a long match (and I don’t mean he couldn’t last long without getting too tired or anything, I don’t know that. I mean that if he went too long it would make an already bad match even worse :p ). The ending wasn’t great, mainly because it led to a rematch, but the aftermath was decent enough. 3/4*.

LMFAO Todd is interviewing fans and shit, and he basically mocks some kid for having big ears, asks him where he’s from, the kid doesn’t reply so he literally PUSHES HIM OUT OF THE WAY to talk to two guys in togas.

Match 8 – Bret Hart Vs Yokozuna – WWF Title is on the line. Don’t believe I’ve ever watched this. Not many people can have a good match with Yoku, but Bret is one of those guys I’d believe could do so. Phew, not much time left on the show, so this would be dragged out too much haha. Bret trying to go behind Yoko for a waist lock only for Yoko to twist around and send him flying was awesome. Man, this is off to a flyer and Bret looks to be hitting harder than usual and Yoko isn’t exactly wrestling light, excuse the pun. Everything looks really snug and good. This might turn out to be alright lol. Gets a little boring with Yoko just going for a nerve grip (what is it with big fatty wrestlers and that fucking nerve grip???), but Bret makes some nice comebacks to stop me from falling asleep and shit. Great set up into the sharpshooter; Bret is on the ropes and Yoko is trying to pull him off, so he holds onto the turnbuckle pad and it ends up getting ripped off. Bret manages to smash Yoko’s face into it, and while he’s down on his stomach, Bret locks in the submission hold! But Fuji throws salt into his eyes and Yoko capitalises on it and wins the title! This was good. Not great or anything, but for 10 minutes and a bunch of nerve grips its good. **1/2.

Match 9 – Yokozuna Vs Hulk Hogan – Well, can’t have a heel leave with the title at WM can we? Bret could have retained…  but nah, HOGAN SHOULD WIN IT! Mr Fuji challenges Hogan, Bret says go for it, and in about 20 seconds Hogan beats the unstoppable monster and wins the title. Talk about a load of utter bullshit. DUD.

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