Backlash 2000 Ramblings

Posted on: December 8th, 2013 by Big Cal

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Backlash 2000

:mark: my all time favourite event in the history of everything and all existence.

Edge & Christian Vs X-Pac & Road Dogg – WWF Tag Team Championship Match

Debra randomly returns to do the ring announcing for this match. No idea where she went, and honestly she does a TERRIBLE job at announcing. But she’s married to Austin at this point and she had nice boobs so ok.

DX are “favoured” to win this tag match. Ok, more experience and shit I understand… but fuck, JR and Lawler are always putting over DX as quite possibly the best tag team ever. Did these guys EVER team up before Feb when Gunn got injured? :p

LOL, Edge takes down Pac with a spinning heel kick, something we’re more likely to see from him rather than Edge… so X-Pac spits in Edge’s face and tags out :lmao. Sounds more like something Road Dogg would do to Bradshaw before running away and tagging in Billy :p.

E&C have things going their way early on, but we get a real nice cut off spot where DX gain the advantage and begin to isolate Christian. CHRISTIAN FIP :mark:. Hope it’s good in 2000 like it is nowadays.

X-PAC RIDING BAREBACK ON CHRISTIAN IN THE CORNER. Right after Tori choked him a little. Sounds like Storytime with Andy. All that’s missing is a cripple. Edge is kinda crippled now, and he’s on the apron, so can he count?

DX keep using those good old fashioned HEEL TACTICS to control the match and keep things going their way. Preventing the ref from seeing tags, double teaming, using Tori etc. Then eventually Edge & Christian turn one of their HEEL TACTICS against them with Edge hitting a diving headbutt on Road Dogg while the ref is busy with X-Pac!

X-FACTOR! The ref is busy dealing with Tori and Road Dogg, so Christian comes in and BUSTS X-PAC OPEN with a ring bell! E&C retain their titles!

Good tag match. Good good tag match. Me likey :). I like how E&C are still in their “slow heel turn” phase so they can do the babyface shit in their matches while also resort to heel stuff (ring bell for example) without completely turning and still getting good crowd reactions.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

Dean Malenko Vs Scotty 2 Hotty – WWF Light Heavyweight Championship Match

THE ICEMAN VS THE WORM.

Ahhh heel Lawler, how I miss you. When you were good anyway. Gotta love him trying to defend Malenko’s use of the ropes to win the LHW title on SD.

:lmao at JR revealing he attempted THE WORM.

Speaking of, Malenko countering the bulldog that would normally lead to THE WORM with a rather epic clothesline is :mark: worthy.

Dean works the leg of Scotty, which is smart because it slows down Scotty and wears them down for the TEXAS CLOVERLEAF. Good GOD at the Mr Perfect bump when Malenko kicks Scotty’s leg out from under him while he’s at the ropes. Scotty damn near KILLS HIMSELF doing it.

Scotty sells the leg really well for the MOST part. He does have some iffy moments though lol.

He gets a couple of comebacks in, but he does stupid shit like CLIMB THE ROPES WITH A BAD LEG, which allows Malenko to counter with SUPERPLEXES.

Iffy selling moment: Scotty hits THE WORM. And he HOPS ON THE BAD LEG to do it as if nothing was wrong. Bah. At least Malenko keeps things good with a nice callback spot to the SD match by attempting to use the ropes again, and hitting a motherfucking SWEET double arm powerbomb.

Malenko can’t seem to put Scotty away so he resorts to climbing the ropes. Scotty sees it as his chance to REVENGE with a superplex of his own, but it’s countered into a TOP ROPE DDT and Malenko retains his title.

Great match. Not AS great as I used to think it was, but overall it holds up pretty well. Malenko is great. Scotty is mostly good. Shame about the whole WORM thing.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

ALL HAND ON DECK!

The Big Bossman & Bull Buchanan Vs The APA

APA :mark:. 4 big strong guys who like to fight. A SLOBBERKNOCKER~!

About 1 minute into the match and we’ve already seen Bradshaw smash Bull in the face with a big boot, DDT him, then hit a SUPER SHOULDER BLOCK off the ropes. I reckon this Bradshaw guy could make it all the way to the top one day.

:lmao Bossman tries to be all cool and shit and lands on his feet after being thrown outside by Bradshaw. Then Farooq kicks in him the face.

Oh, anyone wanna take a guess as to who might be the ref in this TAG TEAM match? No, it’s not Earl Hebner. TEDDY “TAG TEAM MATCH” LONG! Bet his favourite event of all time was WM 2000. ALL DEM TAG TEAM MATCHES, PLAYA!

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL. Might be a top 5 finisher of all time for me. I love it. Match don’t end there though. Bossman and Farooq spend about half this match on the outside brawling with each other :mark:. Finish is pretty epic.

Awesome brawl between 4 big bastards who just beat the shit out of each other + showed some pretty tremendous athleticism for their sizes.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

Great little backstage promos with The Hardy Boys talking about working together then only fighting if it comes down to them. Then they switch to Crash and BOB with Bob saying he can’t wait to beat the hell out of Crash :lmao.

Crash Holly Vs Hardcore Holly Vs Tazz Vs Perry Saturn Vs Matt Hardy Vs Jeff Hardy – WWF Hardcore Championship Match

:mark: multiman hardcore title match :mark:. They show clips of Crash winning the title back on SD during a Matt Vs Jeff hardcore title match. Matt Vs Jeff was a pretty damn awesome hardcore title match. Needs some love.

Match can only end if someone pins Crash or Crash pins someone. None of that losing the title without being pinned bullshit! 30 seconds in and we see a POWERBOMB already lol. A sign of things to come :mark:.

Crash tries to run away and everyone fights on the Backlash stage. CLIMBING HIGH AND JUMPING~!

I remember the first time I saw this, when Jeff does a big jump the commentators say he’s like a young Shawn Michaels. I didn’t quite hear what he said the first time other than “Shawn Michaels” and I rewound the tape (VHS bitches) to hear it again because I thought they mentioned HBK in a meaningful way :(. Was hoping they would explain his absence because I’d missed the last 2 years and had no idea where he (or Undertaker for that matter) was.

:lmao poor Crash, he really, really takes a shit kicking in this one :lmao. Having to pin him only forces everyone to try and kill him the entire time, while killing each other to take them out long enough so they can secure the pin :D.

Match does slow down and get a little dull at one point which makes me sad :(. Needs more STEVE BLACKMAN. Maybe even Al Snow and a bowling ball.

:lmao at Tazz. SON OF A BITCH! CHOKE! CHOKE! While he’s got some wire wrapped around the neck of Jeff :p.

DICK MURDOCH REFERENCE~! I’m sure I have to add a couple of points on the CAL SCALE for that :side:.

Hardy’s bring out the fun in the shape of a LADDER~! The ladder gets a pop :lmao.

“HI PERRY, WHAT’S GOING ON? We’ve got Perry Saturn draped across our announce table :) ”. Oh man, the way Lawler says that is incredible :lmao.

Swanton off the ladder! Matt goes for the cover, Jeff breaks it up and they look to fight until TAZZ shows up. TAZZMISSION! STOP SIGN! Everyone gets taken out on the outside, and Crash gets the pin off the stop sign!

Mostly a fun match. Does have that dull spot in the middle though. JR constantly confusing Tazz and Saturn is :lmao though.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

The Big Show Vs Kurt Angle

WHEN IT COMES CRASHING DOWN AND IT HURTS INSIDE~!

THE SHOWSTER!

THE HULK UP! THE LEG DROP! THE KICKOUT!

HOGAN CHANTS! “MORE PEOPLE ARE CHANTING HOGAN THAN THEY HAVE IN YEARS!”

IF THE LEGDROP DON’T WORK, THE CHOKESLAM WILL!

GOAT SQUASH MATCH!

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

The Dudley Boys Vs T & A

:mark:

I LOVE this tag match. I LOVE the build up video too. TRISH IN LINGERIE ROLLING AROUND ON TABLES. I’VE GOT WOOD! FAP FAP FAP!

I’M GONNA GET YOU YA LITTLE BITCH!

Albert takes some great shots and bumps really well for his size early on as The Dudley Boys control the opening part of the match. Albert rules. T & A as a team ruled. TRISH ruled. Dudley Boys rules. This match has everything going for it :).

“DUDLEY’S UNIQUE VERSION OF BIRTH CONTROL” :lmao JR’s call for the headbutt to the groin spot.

Good god I think Albert killed D-Von. BICYCLE KICK RIGHT TO THE FUCKING FACE. And that brings us to the D-Von FIP. T & A are GREAT during all of this, really taking it to D-Von, using the time tested STF as well as you are likely to see. Oh, and Albert press slamming Test on D-Von then screaming to Bubba “TESTIFY TO THAT!” is awesome. Then he keeps taunting Bubba after the hot tag is made but the ref never sees it :D. ALBERT RULES.

D-Von is a great FIP too. Bumps around really, really well and you can’t help but wanna cheer him on because he is just getting MAULED by these 2 big bastards.

Oh hey, TRISH is at ringside. Not that you’d notice because she does NOTHING. She’s literally just there because Bubba wants to put her through a table. She’s a pretty shitty manager lol.

HOT TAG~! Back suplex neck breaker and everyone, including the commentators, think it’s a 3-D. Urgh. Morons. They go for the ACTUAL 3-D, but Trish gets on the apron, shakes his titties to distract Bubba, and Test cracks him in the face with a big boot for the win!

Awesome tag. Love it love it love it love it. A great example of the STF. And then afterwards we get TRISH through a table.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Eddie Guerrero Vs Essa Rios – WWF European Championship Match

Eddie is wrestling in a tux. LITA LITA LITA FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP is out there with Essa. Man-Chyna is there too.

Oh man, first exchange and we get BOTCHES GALORE. Essa nearly trips over Eddie, then Eddie… does something and doesn’t even connect but Essa sells it anyway and I’m wondering WTF is going on.

Huh, Eddie IS a heel here. Odd. He was kinda a little bit of a tweener during this time I guess then. Because his Latino Heat stuff was getting over and entertaining people, but he was still screaming shit like “screw you” to the fans during matches.

OMG HOW HOT DOES LITA LOOK?

:lmao what a SPLAT Essa makes when he dives over the ropes and Eddie moves.

Crowd are pretty dead here, but who can blame them? They just wasted about 10 sodding minutes putting TRISH on a stretcher and putting her in the ambulance. Eddie and Essa botching and being sloppy as fuck ain’t helping. Wonder what Eddie would have been like had he come into WWF CLEAN instead of waiting until 2002.

LITA FAP FAP FAP gets thrown off the top rope right into the Spanish announce table! FUCK YOU MAN-CHYNA YOU BIG COCKED CUNT. JUST BECAUSE LITA IS HOT AND YOU ARE A MAN.

Asai(?) Moonsault from Essa and he and Eddie crash awkwardly into the announce table. Looked painful.

They make it up with Essa’s INSANE dive over the turnbucke to Eddie on the outside!

Fucking Man-Chyna. She practically destroys poor LITA because she tried to interfere in the match… then moments later interferes herself as if everything is fine. Cunt. She wishes she had one.

Aeroplane spin into a neckbreaker looked cool… but the finish? Eh. Fell flat.

Match is… decent. Sloppy and botchy in a LOT of places, but also has some good shit here and there too. LITA being at ringside helps :). Shame Man-Chyna is the one to get stripped at the end instead of LITA.

Disappointing in a LOT of ways :(.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

FUCK ME STEPHANIE HAS AMAZING LEGS. VINCE MCMAHON HAS THE PERSONALITY OF TONY SOPRANO. JR WATCHES THE SOPRANOS. PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES REFERENCE. GOAT PPV.

Chris Benoit Vs Chris Jericho – WWF Intercontinental Championship Match

These 2 fucking hate each other, and JR brings up their past and how they’ve wrestled around the world and shit which I think adds to matches like this. They made a collar and elbow tie up look VICIOUS at the start of the match. Then SLAPS TO THE FACE… and then they exchange pin counters. Which is just odd lol.

CHOP BATTLE~! But it looks and sounds brutal so it’s ok :).

OH MY GOD. I literally said “Uuuuuuhhhwwwwww” (hard to exactly spell out the noise I made, so just go with it lol) out loud as Benoit does the suicide dive and Jericho moves… and Benoit doesn’t reach the barricade instead he nose dives HEAD FIRST into the floor. Surprised he didn’t need neck surgery then and there!

Speaking of sick looking bumps, Jericho gets thrown into the steps and leaps over them, so Benoit dropkicks them back at him. Instead of the usual “to the knee” bump… the top half of the steel steps goes right into the fucking RIBS of Jericho and fuck, looks like it hurt a TON. No idea if that was how it was supposed to happen lol.

So Jericho is HURT. And Benoit is Benoit. ATTACK THE RIBS :mark:. Benoit knows what to do :). And he does it well :).

I’D HAVE A HEART ATTACK IF HE GIVES UP ON AN ABDOMINAL STRETCH. Uhhh… careful there Jerry… methinks you might have a heart condition :p.

I like how Jericho gets ONE opening after some pretty brutal rib work and immediately tries for the win with a Lionsault. Unfortunately for him, it hurt his ribs so he couldn’t go for a cover straight away.

Back Superplex that Benoit counters with a cross body looks great. Makes one hell of an IMPACT on the mat too. DOUBLE POWERBOMB. Kinda hate that move. Jericho always seems to do it at dumb times… like when he’s had his arm worked over… or in this match after spending most of the match getting his ribs pummelled.

CROSSFACE~!

Love how Benoit fights while Jericho tries to lock in the Walls of Jericho. He fights for his life to avoid being fully turned over, and in doing so gets closer to the ropes so when it IS locked in he can easily reach the ropes and escape with little to no damage done.

REF BUMP~! IC TITLE TO THE FACE! THE COVER! 2 COUNT? BOOOOO!

FLYING HEADBUTT! JERICHO GETS THE IC TITLE UP! BENOIT GOES FACE FIRST! THE REF CALLS FOR THE BELL. THE COMMENTATORS ARE UTTERLY CLUELESS. LOL.

“WELL THAT DECISION SUCKS!” :lmao

So this match is awesome. I’m a big fan of the finish too, even if it looked to have legitimately fuck Benoit’s face up :p. Also, it begins the 2 year long feud between Jericho and Tim White, ending in a HIAC match at JD 02! Tim retires and tries to commit suicide every week on TV afterwards!

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

Triple H Vs The Rock – Shane McMahon Special Guest Referee – WWF Championship Match

HHH has Vince and STEPHANIE FAP FAP in his corner… and Rock has AUSTIN 3:16! Except Austin hasn’t shown up yet. Vince’s sources claim he might have had some transportation difficulties. TONY SOPRANO~!

CARD SUBJECT TO CHANGE~!

The match that SHOULD have main evented WM. Then again I do love the finish to that match as opposed to the finish to this match… so I’m fine with this main eventing a “B” PPV. After all, Rock is just a B+ wrestler :p.

I lied. Rock is closer to a D- or something :).

:lmao ”VINCE YOU MISSED THE RING, THAT WAS THE RING POST!!!”

:lmao at HHH and Shane hugging before HHH goes for a pin attempt. Jericho can learn a thing or two about how to treat referees.

I do find it slightly odd that HHH has Rock in a sleeper hold and Shane is checking on him and shit… why doesn’t Shane just call for the bell and say Rock gave up? The whole purpose of Shane being the ref is to utterly SCREW The Rock out of the title. Fast counts for HHH, refusing to count for The Rock… so why stop there? The match could have been over already! Nitpicking I know. In fact I don’t really care lol, I’m just rambling :p. SHANE O’MAC!

I love how Vince keeps getting involved, but at the same time they have Shane doing something with HHH so he doesn’t see anything, still keeping up the idea that Shane is impartial even though we all know he isn’t.

DDT TO HHH! 1…2…3 MY GOD THE ROCK JUST WON THE WWF TI…HAHAHA FUCK NO. Shane refuses to count! Suck it, Rock.

DOUBLE ROCK BOTTOM THROUGH THE TABLE! Shane is dead.

MR BIG GRAPEFRUITS! :lmao

PEDIGREE! But Shane is down. Better get a qualified referee out here. PAT PATTERSON AND GERALD BRISCO! Pat only gets a 2 though. Pat Patterson, the first ever IC champion. I should really review the tournament where he won the belt. I hear he had a ***** classic that night 8*D.

HHH, THE STOOGES and Vince McMahon lay into The Rock and this one is surely gonna end soon.

*GLASS SMASH*

STONE COLD! STONE COLD IS HERE! THE RATTLESNAKE IS BACK!

He takes out everyone with a chair except for The Rock. Linda comes down, shoves poor sweet STEPHANIE down, reinstates Earl Hebner who counts the 3 off a People’s Elbow and we have a NEW WWF Champion! Shitty outcome but an amazing finish overall. Pop for Austin is amazing. Out of this world.

Ok, so technically this isn’t the greatest of matches. Nor is it really that “great”. BUT, the atmosphere, the build up, the shenanigans, the Austin return and even the title change all combine to make one of the most pure FUN matches of all time, one that can easily be pointed to in order to define the Attitude Era. THIS is an example of why PRO WRESTLING is so great. I don’t even like The Rock (NEWSFLASH~!) but good god this entire thing is awesome.

Rating: ****1/2
CAL SCALE – 7

Overall CAL SCALE – 25

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