Month: August 2014

Armageddon 2004 PPV Ramblings

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Armageddon 2004

 

My 50th PPV Ramble (not counting RR’s and WM’s that I’d already done). And my 50th PPV Ramble could be one of the WORST shows I’ll ever have to write about. Yey!

 

RVD & Rey Mysterio Vs Rene Dupree & Kenzo Susuke – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Literally had to wait until Rey made his entrance before I could type his name into the match title. I genuinely don’t remember him and RVD ever being tag team champions :lmao.

Oh god didn’t know who their opponents were going to be. Susuke might have been the WORST “new” guy in WWE during 2004. And Dupree can GTFO too.

Great start to this show :lmao.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Kurt Angle Vs Santa – Kurt Angle Invitational

Angle has a match later, but apparently wanted to make Santa tap out first. Match ends in 25 seconds. I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TIME TO “NO” IT :lmao.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Mike Mizanin Vs Daniel Puder – Dixie Dog Fight

:lmao oh god no.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Hardcore Holly & Charlie Hass Vs The Basham Brothers

:lmao

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

John Cena Vs Jesus – United States Championship No DQ, Falls Count Anywhere Match

:lmao

:lmao

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Miss Jackie Vs Dawn Marie – Special Referee Charlie Hass

Fuck me sideways :lmao.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

The Big Show Vs Kurt Angle, Luther Reigns & mark Jindrak

Well, I’ll give this a watch. Show and Angle have had some fun matches in the past.

Show beats up Jindrak, and Angle tags in which is who Show REALLY wants. Show uses his power to shove him across the ring so Angle tags out like a pussy, leaving us with LUTHER REIGNS and Jindrak to work this match… urgh.

Show is knocked down so Angle decides to get him some of the giant… for about 10 seconds before tagging out AGAIN. Urgh.

More dull shit with those 2 other dudes beating down Show, then Angle tags in and… locks in a hold and sits in it.

Big Show makes a comeback, destroys Jindrak and then hits the WEAKEST Irish Whip ever and Reigns takes the worst bump over the ropes from it :lmao. Terrible :lmao

F-5 FROM THE BIG SHOW!!! Hits Jindrak with it and wins. SCREW YOU LESNAR :lmao.

Awful.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Spike Dudley Vs Funaki – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

2 of the least appealing Cruiserweights EVER in WWE…

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

JBL Vs The Undertaker Vs Eddie Guerrero Vs Booker T – WWE Championship Match

A 4 way match for the title… that ISN’T built around 3 guys simply wanting a title match and being thrown together. They all have had beef with JBL in 2004 revolving around the WWE championship. He screwed them all out of wins and cheated his way to a longer reign, and now his ARMAGEDDON IS HERE.

Love JBL in the back before the match just staring at his title, before his “cabinet” all come in to shake his hand and “wish him luck”… basically knowing JBL has no chance in HELL of retaining. Added to the DRAMA of the whole thing :mark:.

:mark: @ JBL almost in TEARS as Undertaker makes his entrance. He has really gone into this match EXPECTING to lose his WWE title. Poor guy! :p

Look at the TALENT in this too. And then Booker T. Urgh. Should have been Rey. Switch the two around. Rey in this match would have added AWESOMENESS to it, and Booker/RVD end up being tag partners in 05 I think?

BELL RINGS~! JBL bails immediately. Booker and Eddie go over to the ropes to see what he’s doing, while Undertaker decides to fuck up whoever is left in the ring.

:lmao JBL has Booker T pinned for about a 20 count, but the ref is too busy watching Undertaker and Eddie :lmao.

JBL IS TRAPPED~! He pinballs around, taking shots from all 3 guys. Undertaker goes for a cover on JBL, forcing Eddie and Booker to double team the Dead Man to try and take him out of the match because he is the biggest threat to everyone no doubt.

:lmao Booker T is terrible. He sees JBL covering Eddie… and he still decides to take his fucking time getting in the ring. He was battling Undertaker on the outside, he has no idea what happened. JBL could have hit a CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL. Eddie might have been DONE. And Booker T would have let JBL win then and there because he didn’t want to rush getting in the fucking ring :lmao.

A minute later, Undertaker has JBL covered and what happens? EDDIE RUNS OVER TO BREAK IT UP. See, Eddie knows what he’s doing. Then JBL covers Booker and Undertaker punches JBL in the face to break it up. UNDERTAKER knows what he’s doing too. Someone PLEASE explain to me why Booker T got any kind of a push in 2004, resulting in him being in this match?

Everyone fights on the floor, then we end up with EDDIE VS UNDERTAKER ONE ON ONE IN THE RING :mark:. These two NEVER had a singles match together, in fact this and a 6 man tag in 2002 is the ONLY time they were in a match together (at the same time, technically they were both in the 03 RR lol).

Dammit, Booker T ruins it all. I guess the UNDERTAKER VS EDDIE part isn’t until later on in the match :(.

:mark: Undertaker goes for Old School on Booker, Eddie runs over to stop it but Undertaker, while on the ropes, KICKS EDDIE IN THE HEAD and then goes for Old School still :mark:.

:mark: Eddie running away from Undertaker scared as fuck :mark:. I think it’s time for EDDIE VS UNDERTAKER part of this match :mark:.

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL TO UNDERTAKER ON THE FLOOR~! I guess it’s not quite time yet then :lmao.

Instead of UNDERTAKER VS EDDIE we get… JBL Vs Booker T. Urgh.

Eddie senses that everyone is bored shitless with this crap so… LADDER~! Which he… leaves on the outside…

Booker T gets a ton of offense, lands the Axe Kick on Eddie… AND EDDIE KICKS OUT! THANK YOU EDDIE *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*. If he didn’t kick out, Booker T would have been champion. URGH.

:lmao JBL tries to powerbomb Booker T through the announce table, but Booker gets caught up in some wires and JBL and lift him too high :lmao. Elbow drop breaks the table though :).

LAST RIDE TO JBL THROUGH THE OTHER ANNOUNCE TABLE. JBL knows how to take a fucking powerbomb through a table. Fuck you, Booker.

Wait… JBL through a table. Booker through a table. Undertaker left standing… Eddie in the ring… can it be? Is it time? :mark:

Eddie realises Undertaker is left standing, so he drops to the mat and plays dead to sucker in the Dead Man!!! :mark:

Tombstone, but Eddie is fine and escapes… only to run right into a fucking CHOKESLAM :mark:. THE UNDERTAKER IS GONNA DO IT! HE’S GONNA WIN! HE’S GONNA WIN! LAST RIDE SIGNAL :mark:.

Las Ride… but Eddie grabbed the WWE title belt! Smashes it in his face! Frog Splash! Another Frog Splash! Undertaker kicks out at 2 and SITS UP :mark:. Eddie is shitting himself, tries to escape but gets caught so… LOW BLOW!!!

Oh hey, the LADDER is finally coming into play now! Yey.

FROG SPLASH OFF THE LADDER~! 1…2… JBL DRAGS THE REFEREE OUT OF THE RING!

3 Amigos to JBL! Oh and NOW Booker T decides to break up a fucking count. What a cunt.

CHOKESLAM TO BOOKER~! CHOKESLAM TO EDDIE~! CHOKESLAM TO JBL~! The Dead Man has this one in the fucking BAG.

Undertaker goes for a Tombstone… but HEIDENREICH shows up and attacks Undertaker!

JBL manages to land a Clothesline from Hell (off camera :lmao) to Booker T and RETAINS HIS TITLE while Eddie is down and Heidenreich is beating down Undertaker.

Match… kinda drags mostly. Undertaker Vs Eddie stuff is a million stars, but everything else bar a few parts here and there is slow and dull.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Overall CAL SCALE – -5

The Perfect PPV – WWE 2003

With my 2003 PPV Rambles all posted on the site, it’s time for another Perfect PPV!

 

The rules remain the same; 8 matches, no repeated superstars, and all titles must be defended (except for the women’s title because I tend to skip all those matches lol). That being said… I DID have to break 1 rule this time around. The WWE Tag Team Championship match will not be taking place on my card. Why? Well, unfortunately, while Smackdown in 2003 was on a pretty big roll in terms of match quality… the best matches from the year were usually all involving the same few people. Meaning some guys bounced around different title divisions, making it impossible to include ALL the SD titles.

 

The Card

 

WWE United States Championship Match – Eddie Guerrero Vs Chris Benoit – Vengeance – ****1/4 – 6

Nothing like kicking off a Perfect PPV with a tremendous match that actually was the opening match from the PPV in the first place! For my money, this is their best match together in the US, and one of the top US title matches in WWE history! These two guys being used here is one of the few reasons I ended up scrapping the WWE Tag Tiles match, as both men are involved in the 2 matches on PPV, and Eddie is the only wrestler to have the US title on PPV until he loses it to Big Show, who never defends it on PPV until WM XX!!! I say it often in these things, but sacrifices must be made to benefit the rest of the card. The WWE Tag Team Championship match would have screwed up a US title match AND the upcoming CW title match too. BUT like I already said, it’s for the best, as the US and CW title matches combined are better than both WWE tag title matches combined!

 

World Tag Team Championship Match – The Dudley Boys Vs La Resistance – Unforgiven – *** – 2

Not much to choose from with the World Tag Team titles, but thankfully the tag division guys didn’t effect any other title matches so it was easier to add to the show. Not a great match, but certainly the best tag match from the Raw side of things in 2003 on PPV. And hey, if a LA RESISTANCE match gets *** then it definitely deserves a spot on the card!

 

WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match – Tajiri Vs Rey Mysterio – No Mercy – ***3/4 – 4

What a tremendous contest this one was! Rey is awesome, Tajiri is awesome, and combined they are SUPERMEGAEXTREMEAWESOME. Trufax. And I’d MUCH rather have this match on the card that sacrifice Rey by sticking him in the WWE Tag Title Match which would have screwed up my whole card. The CW division around this time on Smackdown was killing it every week, and these two are important figures in the division for helping the quality of matches. Stick them together and they absolutely cannot disappoint! Just a wonderful match with some incredible KICKS by Tajiri!

 

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match – RVD Vs Randy Orton – Armageddon – ***3/4 – 4

Randy really started to come into his own by the end of 2003, and would go on to have one hell of a run for the next couple of years. And hey, if you are relatively new to wrestling (he’d been in the business for what, 2 years at this point?) AND can get a great match out of RVD, you deserve a fucking MEDAL. Not to say RVD was bad in this match though, he pulled his weight for a change, and between the two of them, we got a great contest. IC title matches in 2003 were rarely anything to talk about, so the last PPV of the year ending with a quality match like this for the belt was awesome.

 

World Heavyweight Championship Match – Triple H Vs Booker T – WrestleMania – ***3/4 – 4

Oh boy. Picking a good WHC match in 2003 wasn’t hard at all, because most of them absolutely SUCKED. Triple H was in his reign of terror days, single handedly burying the old WCW roster (Steiner, Booker, Nash, Goldberg). Thankfully, the stars aligned at WM 19 and somehow we were blessed with a terrific WHC match!!! An often overlooked match unfortunately mainly due to the finish, as many people believed a) Booker T should have won and b) HHH taking as long as he did to make the cover make Booker T look like shit. Good points, but Booker T IS shit usually so him not winning wasn’t exactly a bad thing for me. Anyway, despite all the negativity surrounding the match, both guys pulled out great performances and helped make WM 19 the best PPV and WM ever imo.

 

High Profile Match – Chris Jericho Vs Shawn Michaels – WrestleMania – ****1/4 – 6

Speaking of WM 19 being awesome, here’s another match from the show! HHH mainly dominating WCW stars for the WHC on PPV allowed us to have a nice selection of great quality high profile matches to choose from, and I was happy this one was available as it really adds to the card. Y2J facing off against one of his wrestling idols who was making his return to WM for the first time in 5 years. Jericho was out to prove that HE was now the Showstopper, The Main Event, and even Mr WrestleMania, while Shawn was out to prove that he was STILL all of those things. I might not like it quite as much as I did back in the day, but the fact it still holds up as a classic after all these years is a testament to both men.

 

High Profile Match – The Rock Vs Steve Austin – WrestleMania – ****1/2 – 7

Oh look, ANOTHER match from WM 19!!! And it’s a favourite of mine. WM 17 is often the match people think of first when the Rock/Austin rivalry is mentioned, but for me THIS is the cream of the crop from their series. Wonderful story to the match, and Rock gave perhaps THE best performance of his entire career (right up there with Judgment Day 2000 in the Iron Man match). Austin, despite being broken down and knowing this would be his last match, was still able to put on one hell of a show too, but this is definitely Rock’s match. The promo before hand, and then the symbolism of Austin taking THREE Rock Bottom’s to lose was just perfect. A hell of a match!

 

WWE Championship Match – Brock Lesnar Vs Kurt Angle – SummerSlam – ****1/2 – 7

Finally, the main event! A match I used to consider to be *****. Not quite there any more, but still clearly the best WWE title match on PPV that year! At WM 19 they had a great match, but Angle’s neck was fucked. Come SummerSlam, Angle was healthy (or as healthy as a guy like Angle can be), and Lesnar was now a heel with Vince McMahon in his corner, and everything came together perfectly to create one heck of a show. Angle being a face now against a monster heel Lesnar worked so much better than Angle heel and Lesnar as a face, and boy did it show here. They worked a beautiful wrestling match filled with great holds, moves, counters and reversals, AND managed to hold it all together with a story! Far too often that last thing is forgotten about, but thankfully they included it here, and it’s the glue that holds everything together. A must watch match imo!

 

And there is my Perfect PPV for 2003!!! On the CAL SCALE, it gets a MASSIVE 40 points! Making it THE best Perfect PPV thus far! Not only that, but it’s a whole 10.5 points ahead of the actual best PPV (WM 19) from 2003! For a year where Raw suffered, those few Raw WM matches along with the great contributions from Smackdown all come together to give us something truly special!

2003 PPV Rambles – End of Year Thoughts

What an up and down year 2003 was on PPV (and TV too for that matter, but that’s not what I’m discussing here lol). Half of it was awesome. The other half, dreadful. SD = awesome. Raw = ARRGGGHHHH.

 

PPV Wrestler of the Year

A difficult decision this time around. 00, 01 and 02 all had that ONE GUY who absolutely dominated the top 10 matches list. This time around it is FAR more varied, which makes for interesting viewing. Just look at the list of guys who make up the top 10 matches:

Angle
Cena
Undertaker
Big Show
Eddie
Benoit
Lesnar
Jericho
HBK
Rock
Austin
Rhyno
Tajiri

A who’s who of wrestling in terms of “big names”, plus an appearence from Tajiri who absolutely deserves to be right up there with the best of the best and Rhyno who, while underrated a great deal, was definitely more of a surprise than anything but certainly a welcome one.

Narrowing it down to who was involved in the most matches out of the top 10, both Angle and Lesnar tied at 3 each, with 2 of the matches being against each other. So, to try and seperate them, I ignored those matches and looked at the remaining match for each of them against different opponents. Angle had the NM match with Cena, and Lesnar the NM match with Undertaker, and the Undertaker match is just ahead of the Cena match for me so I’m naming LESNAR the PPV Wrestler of the Year! Not only does he have those 3 top 10 matches, but he was the winner of the RR as well as having a fun match with Show on the same PPV, then a GREAT stretcher match with Show at JD too. But it was close!

 

PPV Match of the Year

Steve Austin Vs The Rock from WrestleMania 19 gets the nod for me. My favourite match between the two (and their best imo, beating out WM 17), which such a great story to it, and wonderful performences from both men, especially THE ROCK who was the driving force behind it being so good, which places it as Rock’s #1 performence ever for me and also his greatest match. Overall though, the top 10 features some really great matches, BUT is a step down from the last 3 years. 00, 01 and 02 have a much stronger top 10 list, with all 3 years having a couple of matches at ****3/4 and/or *****, something 2003 failed to achieve. Honestly, I blame RAW :p. If Raw hasn’t have been so damn awful outside of a couple of matches, maybe 03 would have produced some better quality shit!

 

PPV of the Year

Since I’d already done my RR and WM reviews before starting this yearly PPV project, the PPV of the Year was set in stone a long time ago, and it didn’t get dethroned! WrestleMania 19, at a wopping 29.5 on the CAL SCALE is the clear #1 PPV of the year, and so far the #1 PPV of all time! Doubt it is going to be beaten either, certainly not by WWE, anyway.

As for other PPV’s in 2003, there is a clear trend of SD only PPV’s = GREAT, Raw PPV’s = AWFUL, and Dual Branded PPV’s = in the middle. Raw gave us the current BOTTOM TWO PPV’s of all time with Insurrextion and Unforgiven, both being in the MINUS points on the CAL SCALE. SD gave us the #2 and #3 PPV’s of the year with Vengeance and No Mercy, with Vengeance placing currently in the top 5 PPV’s of all time list.

Overall, 2003 on PPV was a big step down from previous years, all thanks to the Raw side of things dragging everything down.

 

2003 PPV’s on the CAL SCALE:

WrestleMania XIX – 29.5
Vengeance – 23.5
No Mercy – 21.5
SummerSlam – 17
Armageddon – 10
Royal Rumble – 7.5
Judgment Day – 5
Survivor Series – 5
Backlash – 5
No Way Out – 4
Bad Blood – 1
Insurrextion – -0.5
Unforgiven – -1

Total – 127.5

 

2003 PPV compared to 2000, 2001 and 2002:

The Image is too large to fit so here is a link to it instead 🙂

 

2003 PPV Matches Ranked:

The Dudley Boys Vs Rodney Mack & Christopher Nowinski – NO – -1 (Bad Blood)
Scott Steiner Vs Test – NO – -1 (Bad Blood)
Christian Vs Booker T – NO – -1 (Bad Blood)
La Resistance Vs RVD & Kane – NO – -1 (Bad Blood)
Molly Holly Vs Ivory – NO – -1 (Armageddon)
Lita Vs Molly Holly – NO – -1 (Survivor Series)
Dawn Marie Vs Torrie Wilson – NO – -1 (Royal Rumble)
Test Vs Scott Steiner – NO – -1 (Unforgiven)
Gail Kim & Molly Holly Vs Trish Stratus & Lita – NO – -1 (Unforgiven)
The Coach & Al Snow Vs Jerry Lawler & Jim Ross – NO – -1 (Unforgiven)
Trish Stratus Vs Jacqueline Vs Victoria Vs Jazz – NO – -1 (Judgment Day)
Mr America Vs Roddy Piper – NO – -1 (Judgment Day)
Test & Scott Steiner Vs La Resistance – NO – -1 (Judgment Day)
Trish Stratus Vs Jazz – NO – -1 (Insurrextion)
Test Vs Scott Steiner – NO – -1 (Insurrextion)
Jazz Vs Trish Stratus – NO – -1 (Backlash)
Steve Austin Vs Eric Bischoff – NO – -1 (No Way Out)
Hulk Hogan Vs The Rock – DUD – 0 (No Way Out)
Maven Vs Matt Hardy – DUD – 0 (Armageddon)
Triple H Vs Scott Steiner – DUD – 0 (No Way Out)
Triple H Vs Goldberg – DUD – 0 (Unforgiven)
The Dudley Boys Vs La Resistance – DUD – 0 (SummerSlam)
Triple H Vs Scott Steiner – DUD – 0 (Royal Rumble)
The Basham Brothers Vs Los Guerreros – 1/4* – 0 (Survivor Series)
Christian Vs RVD Vs Chris Jericho – 1/4* – 0 (Unforgiven)
Triple H Vs Kevin Nash – 1/4* – 0 (Judgment Day)
Kane Vs Rob Van Dam – 1/4* – 0 (SummerSlam)
Kurt Angle, Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Hass Vs Brock Lesnar & Chris Benoit – 1/4* – 0 (No Way Out)
The Dudley Boys Vs Christopher Nowenski, Rodney Mack & Teddy Long – 1/2* – 0 (Insurrextion)
Goldberg Vs Triple H – 1/2* – 0 (Survivor Series)
Vince McMahon Vs Hulk Hogan – 1/2* – 0 (WrestleMania XIX)
Shane McMahon Vs Kane – 1/2* – 0 (Survivor Series)
Shane McMahon Vs Eric Bischoff – * – 0 (SummerSlam)
The Rock Vs Goldberg – * – 0 (Backlash)
Christian Vs Booker T – * – 0 (Insurrextion)
Billy Kidman Vs Matt Hardy – * – 0 (No Way Out)
Chris Jericho Vs Jeff Hardy – * – 0 (No Way Out)
Shawn Michaels Vs Randy Orton – * – 0 (Unforgiven)
Shawn Michaels, Kevin Nash & Booker T Vs Triple H, Ric Flair & Chris Jericho – * – 0 (Backlash)
Kane & RVD Vs The Dudley Boys – * – 0 (Backlash)
Chris Jericho Vs Goldberg – * – 0 (Bad Blood)
Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, John Cena, Bradshaw & Harcore Holly Vs Brock Lesnar, The Big Show, A-Train, Nathan Jones & Matt Morgan – * – 0 (Survivor Series)
Torrie Wilson Vs Sable – * – 0 (Judgment Day)
La Resistance Vs The Hurricane & Rosey Vs Lance Cade & Mark Jindrak Vs Val Venis & Lance Storm Vs The Dudley Boys Vs Scott Steiner & Test Vs Batista & Ric Flair – * – 0 (Armageddon)
Kane Vs Shane McMahon – *1/4 – 0 (Unforgiven)
Kane & RVD Vs L Resistance – *1/2 – 0.5 (Insurrextion)
Triple H Vs Kevin Nash – *1/2 – 0.5 (Insurrextion)
Rikishi Vs Sean O’Haire – ** – 0.5 (Backlash)
Vince McMahon Vs Zach Gowen – ** – 0/5 (Vengeance)
Brock Lesnar Vs John Cena – ** – 0.5 (Backlash)
The Dudley Boys Vs William Regal & Lance Storm – ** – 0.5 (Royal Rumble)
Victoria Vs Trish Stratus Vs Jazz – ** – 0.5 (WrestleMania XIX)
Zack Gowen Vs Matt Hardy – ** – 0.5 (No Mercy)
Rico Vs Goldust – **1/4 – 1 (Insurrextion)
Goldberg Vs Kane Vs Triple H – **1/2 – 1 (Armageddon)
John Cena & The FBI Vs Chris Benoit, Rhyno & Spanky – **1/2 – 1 (Judgment Day)
Vince McMahon Vs Stephanie McMahon – **1/2 – 1 (No Mercy)
Rob Van Dam & Kane Vs William Regal & Lance Storm – **1/2 – 1 (No Way Out)
APA Vs The Basham Brothers – **1/2 – 1 (No Mercy)
Billy Gunn Vs Jamie Noble – **1/2 – 1 (Vengeance)
Sable Vs Stephanie McMahon – **1/2 – 1 (Vengeance)
The Big Show Vs Rey Mysterio – **3/4 – 1 (Backlash)
The Undertaker Vs The Big Show & A-Train – **3/4 – 1 (WrestleMania XIX)
Chris Jericho Vs Christian Vs Booker T Vs Val Venis Vs Goldust Vs Lance Storm Vs RVD Vs Kane Vs Test – *** – 2 (Judgment Day)
The Dudley Boys Vs La Resistance – *** – 2 (Unforgiven)
Ric Flair Vs Shawn Michaels – *** – 2 (Bad Blood)
Bradshaw Vs Farooq Vs Shannon Moore Vs Doink the Clown Vs Brother Love Vs Nunzio Vs Matt Hardy Vs Chris Kanyon Vs Danny Basham Vs Doug Basham Vs The Easter Bunny Vs Sean O’Haire Vs John Hennigan Vs Orlando Jordan Vs Funaki Vs Los Conquistadores Vs The Brooklyn Brawler Vs Johnny Stamboli Vs Chuck Palumbo Vs Matt Cappotelli Vs Spanky – *** – 2 (Vengeance)
The Undertaker Vs Vince McMahon – *** – 2 (Survivor Series)
Chris Jericho & Christian Vs Trish Stratus & Lita – *** – 2 (Armageddon)
The Undertaker Vs A-Train – *** – 2 (SummerSlam)
The Big Show Vs Brock Lesnar – *** – 2 (Royal Rumble)
Mark Henry Vs Booker T – ***1/4 – 2 (Armageddon)
Shawn Michaels Vs Batista – ***1/4 – 2 (Armageddon)
Chris Benoit Vs Kurt Angle – ***1/4 – 2 (Royal Rumble)
Team Angle Vs Eddie Guerrero & Tajiri – ***1/4 – 2 (Judgment Day)
Matt Hardy Vs Rey Mysterio – ***1/2 – 3 (WrestleMania XIX)
Brock Lesnar Vs The Big Show – ***1/2 – 3 (Judgment Day)
Triple H Vs Randy Orton Vs Goldberg Vs Shawn Michaels Vs Kevin Nash Vs Chris Jericho – ***1/2 – 3 (SummerSlam)
Triple H Vs Kevin Nash – ***1/2 – 3 (Bad Blood)
Eddie Guerrero Vs The Big Show – ***1/2 – 3 (No Mercy)
A-Train Vs Chris Benoit – ***1/2 – 3 (No Mercy)
30 Man Royal Rumble Match – ***3/4 – 4 (Royal Rumble)
Rey Mysterio & Billy Kidman Vs The World’s Greatest Tag Team – ***3/4 – 4 (Vengeance)
Shawn Michaels, Booker T, RVD & The Dudley Boys Vs Mark Henry, Randy Orton, Christian, Chris Jericho & Scott Steiner – ***3/4 – 4 (Survivor Series)
RVD Vs Randy Orton – ***3/4 – 4 (Armageddon)
Team Angle Vs Los Guerreros Vs Rhyno & Chris Benoit – ***3/4 – 4 (WrestleMania XIX)
Team Angle Vs Los Guerreros – ***3/4 – 4 (Backlash)
Triple H Vs Booker T – ***3/4 – 4 (WrestleMania XIX)
Brock Lesnar Vs Kurt Angle Vs The Big Show – ***3/4 – 4 (Vengeance)
Tajiri Vs Rey Mysterio – ***3/4 – 4 (No Mercy)
Kurt Angle Vs John Cena – ***3/4 – 4 (No Mercy)
The Undertaker Vs The Big Show – ***3/4 – 4 (No Way Out)
Kurt Angle Vs Brock Lesnar – **** – 5 (WrestleMania XIX)
Eddie Guerrero Vs Chris Benoit Vs Rhyno Vs Tajiri – **** – 5 (SummerSlam)
Brock Lesnar Vs The Undertaker – **** – 5 (No Mercy)
The Undertaker Vs John Cena – **** – 5 (Vengeance)
Chris Jericho Vs Shawn Michaels – ****1/4 – 6 (WrestleMania XIX)
Eddie Guerrero Vs Chris Benoit – ****1/4 – 6 (Vengeance)
Brock Lesnar Vs Kurt Angle – ****1/2 – 7 (SumerSlam)
The Rock Vs Steve Austin – ****1/2 – 7 (WrestleMania XIX)

 

Sunday August 31st 2014, we’ll start with 2004 PPV Rambles! The first one up is Armageddon!

Vengeance 2003 PPV Ramblings

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Vengeance 2003

 

Time to end a pretty damn BAD PPV year with one of the better shows of the year! Ya know, assuming it holds up :p.

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs Chris Benoit- United States Championship Tournament Finals Match

Man oh man, what a way to kick off the FIRST Smackdown only PPV! A new title and a match between two of the ALL TIME great wrestlers! Shows new fans EXACTLY what SD was all about at the time!

Love how they make it FEEL like a big time match with the referee getting them both in the middle of the ring and explaining the rules. Adds to the importance of the match and makes it feel like a big boxing match.

And we go from the seriousness of that to Eddie mocking Benoit being blinded last week :lmao.

Crowd are HOT for this one, chanting for BOTH men and a smattering of “Eddie sucks” chants too :p.

Some great sequences between the two as they wrestle for control, with Benoit gaining the first advantage with a BRUTAL shoulder block, forcing Eddie to escape to the floor to stop any momentum Benoit was building. When he feels he’s ready, he gets back in the ring to lock up and this time EDDIE gets the better of Benoit! But unlike Eddie, Benoit doesn’t pussy out of the ring and gets right back into the thick of things!

They continue to battle for dominance, and even throw out a few quick pin attempts before Eddie gets the better of the Wolverine AGAIN and now even Benoit has to back off to the outside to stop momentum just like Eddie had to!

TOMBSTONE ATTEMPT FROM EDDIE? COUNTERED BY BENOIT!!! BENOIT WITH… A SHOULDER BREAKER! And quick as lightning Benoit DIVES at Eddie to try and lock in the Crossface! :mark:

Eddie escapes to the outside again, but Benoit is PUMPED UP and hits a suicide dive! No losing momentum this time!

Remember when TAZ was a good commentator? Seriously, there was a time when he was good. Certainly better than Lawler, as far as being a former wrestler EXPLAINING matches. He does a pretty terrific job during this match tbh.

FUCK ME at that back suplex by Eddie. Benoit lands fucking HARD on his head and he definitely looks like he was legit hurt. Eddie tries to pick him up but Benoit pushes him away and Eddie kicks him in the chest a few times before applying an arm bar so he can recover.

THUMB TO THE EYE by Eddie. Why? Because Eddie can be a PRICK when he wants :p. Unfortunately it just FIRES UP Benoit! SUPERMEGAFUCKINGDESTRUCTIVE BACK SUPLEX FROM THE TOP ROPE! Payback for the back suplex from earlier :mark:.

TRIPLE GERMANS~!

THREE AMIGOS~!

SUPERPLEX~! Revenge for the super back suplex! :mark:

FROG SPLASH~! BENOIT DOESN’T MOVE ALL THE WAY :lmao.

MOTHERFUCKING POWERBOMB~! Not quite Nitro 1995 levels of brutal, but damn that was awesome.

Benoit locks in the Crossface, but Eddie grabs the ropes. Ref has to drag Benoit off and Benoit is fucking PISSED. Eddie charges into Benoit and the poor ref is knocked down.

US TITLE BELT TO BENOIT’S FACE~! FROG SPLASH~! BENOIT KICKS OUT!!! Eddie cannot fucking believe it!

The belt didn’t quite work, so Eddie grabs it, knocks out the referee, places the belt on Benoit then collapses on the mat! One problem… the ref is OUT! Eddie is AWESOME as he tries to revive the referee while still pretending to be knocked out himself :p. Classic LIE, CHEAT AND STEAL moment :).

CROSSFACE~! EDDIE TAPS!!! But no referee still!!! So BENOIT resorts to slapping him to revive him :lmao. Poor ref.

Benoit goes for a headbutt, but Eddie has the belt in his hand! The ref tries to remove it, so Eddie drags him in the way of the headbutt!

GORE! GORE! GORE!!! RHYNO JUST GORED THE HELL OUT OF BENOIT!!!

Eddie is as confused as the rest of us, but shrugs and hits a Frog Splash anyway! 3 count! Eddie is the first ever WWE US champ!!!

This match fucking RULES. Still :mark:.

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Billy Gunn Vs Jamie Noble – Indecent Proposal Match

:lmao if Noble wins, HE GETS TO FUCK TORRIE WILSON :lmao.

:lmao Noble brings out a briefcase of SEX TOYS :lmao.

sexbox

The sad thing is, I already had that pic uploaded :lmao.

Taz to Cole: “HE’S GOT YOUR BRIEFCASE OMG!!!” :lmao

Billy Gunn does a STING from the… GAB 92 match I think? Where he STINGER SPASHES himself head first into the ring post like a chump. Except Billy Gunn doesn’t lose the match from that. So that means… Gunn > Sting? 8*D

:lmao at Noble MISSING a dropkick, but Gunn selling it anyway :p.

Leg work from Noble. Love those big kicks he lands, but he keeps going for the same thing and Billy JUMPS out of the way with his other leg and hits the ONE AND ONLY.

Unique neckbreaker from Gunn looked pretty fecking awesome. Goes for the Fameasser but his leg prevents him from hitting it, so what does he do? RKO :lmao.

Noble has survived Billy’s finisher from 2000-2001 AND an RKO. HE REALLY WANTS TO FUCK TORRIE!!!

DDT from the ropes!!! Noble has got this one in the bag… but Nidia puts Gunn’s leg on the ropes! She don’t want her man fucking another women! Torrie and Nidia both try to get involved on behalf of Gunn, but that injured leg comes back to haunt the ASS MAN… AND NOBLE WINS! NOBLE WINS! NOBLE WINS!!!

And then this whole thing ends with a FOUR WAY on SD :lmao. Solid match.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

DIS FUNAKI, SMUCKDAN NUM WAN ANNONCUR! He’s interviewing the APA about their INVITATIONAL BAR ROOM BRAWL MATCH! Funaki gets invited to the match! OMG THE EASTER BUNNY~!

 

Bradshaw Vs Farooq Vs Shannon Moore Vs Doink the Clown Vs Brother Love Vs Nunzio Vs Matt Hardy Vs Chris Kanyon Vs Danny Basham Vs Doug Basham Vs The Easter Bunny Vs Sean O’Haire Vs John Hennigan Vs Orlando Jordan Vs Funaki Vs Los Conquistadores Vs The Brooklyn Brawler Vs Johnny Stamboli Vs Chuck Palumbo Vs Matt Cappotelli Vs Spanky – APA Invitational Bar Room Brawl

:lmao at Spanky dancing on the bar to everyone’s entrance music.

Used wiki to get the names of everyone involved so no idea how accurate it actually is :p.

JUST BECAUSE I LOOOOOOOVE YOU, DOESN’T MEAN I LIKE YOU! Brother Love rules. Everyone go watch his 6 hour shoot.

:lmao at Sean O’Haire laughing his arse off in the background. BROTHER LOVE TAKES OUT 2 JOBBERS WITH A BAR STOOL~!

Oh man this is just pure FUN. A bunch of guys beating the shit out of each other on a bar set. Broken glass, broken tables, broken stools, broken pool cues and BROKEN BODIES :mark:.

Funaki manages to last until the final four by sitting on a stool drinking the entire match :p. Bradshaw does to level him with a bar stool, but poor Funaki collapses in a drunken state :p.

Brother Love gets taken out by Bradshaw and despite the fact FAROOQ IS STOOD NEXT TO HIM… Bradshaw wins? Apparently Farooq was knocked out already? Oh well :p.

FUN :mark:.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

:lmao at Noble drooling all over Torrie’s playboy magazine :p.

 

Rey Mysterio & Billy Kidman Vs The World’s Greatest Tag Team – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

LOL at Shelton taking Rey to the mat and basically trying to dry hump him :p.

Rey and Kidman try to use their flippy offence to keep Shelton and Hass from using their superior mat skills, but Hass and Benjamin are also the bigger guys in the match and can use some POWER combined with their mat skills to avoid some of those high flying moves and work over Rey Rey.

Hot tag to Kidman and we get a great sequence with Rey preventing the… that double team move WGTT do, allowing Kidman to counter and set up Hass in the ring for a 619. Rey gets in the ring, tries to run the ropes and Shelton puts a stop to the 619 in the same way Rey stopped him moments earlier!

Kidman takes a sick back bump off the ring post and WGTT are like sharks smelling blood in the water, going right after the back with some good back work :mark:.

Tag to Rey… but the referee doesn’t see it!!! Ha. MOAR great back work :mark:.

POWERBOMB by Shelton!

Shelton goes for a second Powerbomb, but Kidman counters and makes the tag! :lmao at Rey doing a flip over the ropes and just kinda… kicking Shelton in the face. Think it was supposed to be a version of the West Coast Pop but the flip added into it meant he couldn’t really land right :p.

WEST COAST POP FOR REALSIES THIS TIME~! But Kidman has the referee distracted by mistake and Shelton charges at Mysterio’s head with his boot! 2 count only!!!

Hass is set up on the ropes, Rey runs at him, Kidman throws him in the air and Mysterio lands a Hurricanrana!!! 1…2… KICK OUT! Crowd chant “BULLSHIT” at it because fuck me that was CLOSE :mark:.

REVERSE DOOMSDAY DEVICE~! Benjamin got a blind tag while Rey was on Hass’ shoulders going for a Hurricanrana and lands a clothesline! 3 count! WGTT retain!

Great match no doubt. Like it more than my last watch. Last time I thought it was more spotty than good tag wrestling, but there was plenty of good tag shit in this for me to :mark: and combine that with some great moves, it ends up being a match I like a lot. Better than the more highly praised NM 02 tag match.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Sable Vs Stephanie McMahon – No Countout Cat Fight

Remember when Stephanie ripped Sable’s top off and her tits fell out? We all do. And they show it again before the match :p.

FAP FAP FAP STEPHANIE’S RING ATTIRE :mark:.

Sable stays on the floor posing rather than getting in the ring, so Stephanie charges after her instead! WEDGY~!

Sable ends up kicking the shit out of Stephanie, but almost gets rolled up for a 3 count after doing her Sable grind while stood over Miss McMahon.

STEPHANIE TRYING TO KILL SABLE WITH A STEEL CHAIR~! But the ref takes it away. Man, these two are really SNUG wih the offence lol. Real slaps and those ELBOWS look great too. These two are having a better executed match than most divas today who apparently train day in and day out and have matches multiple times a week :lmao.

SABLE’S TITS~! Bah, the damn referee gives her his t-shirt :(. And while he does that, fucking A-TRAIN RUNS OVER STEPHANIE! Sable wins!

Good match!

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

The Undertaker Vs John Cena

:mark:

“EVERYBODY GOTTA LEARN THE HARD WAY” Man the build up for this was sweeeet. Now if only we could get that fucking WRESTLEMANIA MATCH with them…

Undertaker just sat on his bike at the top of the ramp, making Cena WAIT, playing those MIND GAMES with him :mark:. Then he leaves his bike at the top of the ramp and slowly WALKS down to Cena. Cena is gonna have to think about what’s coming that little bit longer.

BITCH SLAP TO THE UNDERTAKER~! Cena ain’t no smart guy.

THOSE FUCKING PUNCHES :mark:. Referee shits himself when he tries to get ‘Taker out of the corner and Undertaker confronts him. God I love that spot in Undertaker matches :lmao.

BODY SHOTS~! Undertaker is picking apart those RIBS of Cena. Wants him to HURT.

The Undertaker is slowly picking apart Cena, beating some RESPECT into the rookie. PUNCH TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD~!

Cena is getting the beating of his life. Basically gets ZERO offence for the first 5 minutes or so. OLD SCHOOL~! CHOKESLAM~! Cena takes an AWESOME bump off the Chokeslam.

1…2… UNDERTAKER PULLS HIM UP. He ain’t done with him yet. LAST RIDE! Cena counters into a DDT!

Cena knows the DDT won’t be enough to put the Dead Man away, so while the ref is checking on him, Cena decides to expose one of the top turnbuckles! But he is having trouble taking if off, allowing Undertaker to recover and get back to beating the absolute SHIT out of the disrespectful little shit.

The turnbuckle finally gets exposed and Undertaker flies shoulder first into it! Now Cena can try and mount an offence, and he does it by targeting UNDERTAKER’S RIBS, repaying the Dead Man for what happened in the early part of the match! UNDERTAKER IS BLEEDING INTERNALLY!!!

Cena works the rib area nicely, with knees, kicks and big right hands. Undertaker keeps trying to make a comeback, but Cena continues to cut him off thanks to those injured ribs.

:mark: at how Undertaker sells the ribs on the leaping lariat, not even really jumping because it hurts too much :mark:. Crazy to think how one of the best sellers is also a guy who for most of his career has been a Dead Man/Zombie dude who no sells shit.

CHAIN TO UNDERTAKER’S RIBS~! CENA IS STALKING UNDERTAKER, SETTING UP FOR THE F-U!!! IT’S OVER!!!

NO! UNDERTAKER KICKS OUT!!! Cena is beyond pissed! And when you get pissed off, you make MISTAKES, and Cena makes one HUGE mistake by mounting Undertaker in the corner and getting a LAST RIDE! This one is done, but Cena was THIS FUCKING CLOSE to putting away the Dead Man!!!

Awesome, awesome match. The early beating on Cena is great, with Undertaker doing what he said he was gonna do; beat some respect out of Cena. Cena managed to capitalise one ONE mistake by Undertaker and that’s all it took for him to bust those ribs up and make UNDERTAKER PAY. And just like Cena capitalised one ONE mistake, Undertaker did the same only Cena’s was far worse and ended the match. A wonderful performance by Undertaker as both the BAD ASS guy destroying this young rookie, and the FIP selling the absolute shit out of his ribs. And Cena did a great job bumping around for the Dead Man, then looked great on offence and working over such a legend. Think I like this more than the Angle match from No Mercy tbh.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Vince McMahon Vs Zach Gowen

Oh man, 2003 was the year of Vince being the BIGGEST PRICK EVER. He tried to kill Hogan, then he moves on to this match against a ONE LEGGED KID, and then he round out the year by beating the shit out of his own DAUGHTER and buries Undertaker alive :lmao.

:lmao Vince is fucking DOMINATING A KID WITH ONE LEG and he clearly states he’s enjoying it :lmao. Vince is the greatest.

GOWEN MAKING A COMEBACK~! He’s bouncing around on one leg and taking it to Mr McMahon!!!

But it ain’t enough, and Vince is working over the leg of Gowen :lmao. WHAT A CUNT :lmao.

Vince is just pure EVIL and I’m loving every second of this :lmao. What a guy.

:lmao a “GOT LEGS?” sign :lmao.

HALF BOSTON CRAB~! Or is it a normal Boston Crab…? I dunno :p.

Gowen starts to… Gowen up or something, with some kicks to VINCE’S LEG, then begins a comeback by basically throwing himself leg first at Vince!!!

Now it’s VINCE’S TURN to feel the pain! BALLS INTO THE RING POST!

MOONSAULT~!

Vince is in real trouble now, he’s limping and hurting, so he decides to be an even BIGGER CUNT by bringing in a steel chair!!! The ref tries to take it away but ends up FLYING through the ropes to the floor. WHAT A REF BUMP!!

Gowen dropkicks the chair into McMahon’s head! VINCE IS FUCKING GUSHING BLOOD!!! Gowen goes for a twisting Moonsault, but misses and Vince covers for a 3 count.

Fun match with lots of good in it… BUT it does drag a bit. Goes 14 minutes, only 2 minutes less than Cena/Undertaker. Probably should have been 10 minutes or so instead imo.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Brock Lesnar Vs Kurt Angle Vs The Big Show – WWE Championship Match

CHOKESLAM TO LESNAR IN A MINUTE~! BIG SHOW GONNA WIN THE TITLE!! Bah, Angle broke it up :(.

“HOLY ASS HAIR” :lmao WTF Taz?

Big Show is on fucking FIRE early on. He knows he has to keep Angle and Lesnar away from each other because they’ll just double team him. He almost beat Lesnar in a minute and now he’s mauling Angle while keeping Lesnar out of the ring too :mark:.

TIN FOIL TRASH CAN LIDS~! Big Show gets beaten to death with them or something :lmao. Angle and Lesnar try to double suplex Show, but he reverses it into a double suplex of his own! Show goes for a double chokeslam, but Lesnar and Angle double chokeslam BIG SHOW!!!

Lesnar goes for a cover, but Angle drags him off and now it’s time for these two to GET IT ON!!! :mark:

F-5 TO ANGLE!!! He rolls out of the ring, leaving Show to take an F-5 too!!! Lesnar gonna retain!!! Lesnar gonna retain!!!

NO!!! ANGLE PULLS THE REFEREE OUT!

ANGLE IS BLEEDING~! From uhhh… I saw him get thrown BACK FIRST into the steel steps so fuck knows when he got busted open :p. I might have blinked and missed it.

:lmao at Taz talking about HOOKERS in the ring.

:lmao at Big Show trying to climb the ropes to superplex Lesnar.

LESNAR ESCAPES AND HITS A FUCKING RUNNING POWERBOMB TO BIG SHOW. A FUCKING RUNNING POWERBOMB. TO THE BIG SHOW. HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!

Angle being busted open puts him at a disadvantage so he brings in a steel chair to even up the odds, and decks everyone with it!!! Until Show kicks it back in his face :p.

SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE~! ANGLE SLAM TO BIG SHOW~! THE TABLE IS DEAD~!

With Big Show out of it, it’s down to Angle and Lesnar, who is now also busted open! WM main event rematch coming up!!! :mark:

Man, Angle is fucking ROCKING Lesnar with those rights to the face! Underrated puncher back in the day was Kurt.

GOOD GOD. THAT RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX. DAMN!!!

SLEEPER HOLD :mark:. Wait… what? Great. A sleeper/body scissors in a fucking TRIPLE THREAT MATCH. Way to suck the life out of the match, Brock.

BIG SHOW IS BACK!!! Double Chokeslam incoming! HE HITS IT!! Covers Lesnar, but he kicks out!!! Covers Angle, but Brock breaks it up!

Ha, great Ankle Lock spot. Angle is on fire again and looks UNSTOPPABLE! Angle Slam to Big Show! Angle Slam to Lesnar! 1…2..3!!! New Champion!!!

Great triple threat match. Yeah, still follows the usual formula of “2 guys in, 1 guy out”, but they work it better than most matches tend to do, and other than the sleeper spot, there was always something going one without it feeling overly spotty.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 23.5

Big Cal Watches TNA Hardcore Justice 2014 – Written Thoughts

So earlier today I caught TNA Hardcore Justice, and decided to write down random notes as I went along:

 

Haven’t seen TNA in months. Only seen maybe 4 episodes in total for 2014.

Who the fuck is Bram?

Why is Abyss still around? WE WANT JOSEPH *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*

Watched ECW ONS 06 last week. They had a wooden board with barbed wire on it. TNA have the same here, except… well it looks cheap and shitty as fuck. Like they could only afford so much barbed wire, and as a result it looks shit :lmao.

Apparently someone in TNA watched HHH/Nash Sledgehammer Ladder match and thought it was a good idea, because Abyss’ Janice (stick with NAILS) is hanging over the ring for this match.

Ahhh, I see why they couldn’t afford much barbed wire. They spent all their budget on thumbtacks. Seriously. Abyss emptied out the back and it seemed bottomless.

Both guys took turns at going through barbed wire boards. Funk did it WAY better in 06, and he was like, the age of these guys COMBINED or something.

Bram has Janice. So uhhh… the match isn’t over? Is this more like a pole match where the match is over with pin or submission, but if they feel like it they can climb up, grab the weapon and use it? Seems… kinda pointless tbh.

Now Abyss has Janice. Is that even legal? He didn’t climb up and get it, so why should he be allowed to use it? Bram agrees and takes it away from him.

Abyss just got smacked in the stomach with a stick with NAILS. Shouldn’t he like, be punctured or something? Bram’s back is bleeding from going through thumbtacks. THUMBTACKS. But Abyss is apparently fine despite being smacked with NAILS.

Well that was a shitty match. At least it didn’t last long.

Oh hey, it’s Rhino. And EC3. Apparently he was arrested.

Magnus and Bram have a weird backstage segment. They’re both English. That’s about all I got from that.

YES! chants. Well done TNA fans, it seems you at least watch WWE. It might not be perfect, but you know, it’s also not TNA. So yey!

EC3 thanks Angle for being arrested. I guess he liked taking it in the arse.

ECW blames Rhino for Dixie going through a table. Rhino calls EC3 a bitch. Greatest fan reaction ever occurs:

Image

It’s people like him that make it all worth it.

:lmao Rhino takes a heck of a bump through the ropes to the floor from… uhhh… fuck all really. I guess he shouldn’t have held his fist out and asked the fans if he should punch EC3, allowing EC3 to hit him first…

Samoa Joe! He’s the X-Division champion? Nice to see he’s back to where he was in 2005…

Don’t smoke kids! Ken Anderson did and look how he turned out!

Oh hey, Matt Hardy. And his brother… Willow? Jeff? Who cares. Matt says TNA is going through a tag team resurgence. He names 3 teams. 2 of them are The Hardy Boys and Team 3D…

Joe Vs NXT Season 2 Winner Low-Ki!

This is awesome chants. Not sure why. Match has been ok, but that’s about it. They’ve kicked each other and uhhh… kicked each other.

Very nice clothesline! Ki sold it like death.

Set up to the Muscle Buster was nice. Kicked Low-Ki’s leg while he was on the ropes and set up his finisher for the win.

Ok match at best tbh. They didn’t do anything remotely special, and honestly it’s sad to see Joe like this. He’s trying to be Joe 2005 in 2014, but he’s fatter, slower and just not as good :(.

The Hardy Boys pay Team 3D a visit. That’s nice.

What isn’t nice is the fact Mr Anderson is up next doing an interview.

Anderson and Shaw are having a brawl backstage. I’m sure they were feuding the last time I watched in like Feb. If any feud needed to go for months, it wasn’t this one.

I Quit match? Perfect. I Quit. Can I go now?

What happens when 2 shitty, dull wrestlers have a match? I’ve no idea, I was too busy eating.

Clips from last week with 2 women fighting. Angle announces a Knockouts Last Standing match. Ummm… I think he might have said that wrong tbh…

Earlier in the night, The Hardy Boys basically said TNA only had 3 tag teams. So they had a brilliant idea; have all 3 teams face each other. Wonder how long it took them to think that up…

Mike Tenay interviewing Dixie in bed. MIKE IS A PLAYER!

Why does James Storm have a Japanese Guy shirtless and tied up in the middle of nowhere? You know what? I don’t want to know.

Last Knockouts Standing match is up next. Angelina Love Vs Gail Kim. Can’t imagine this going long, Love looks like she will fall over with a slight breeze. EAT SOMETHING FOR FUCKS SAKE.

Why doesn’t the other one (I forget names) come in and help Love? Surely a 2 on 1 beating in a NO DQ style match would get the job done, right?

COOKIE SHEET TO GAIL KIM’S ARSE~!

Oh look, it’s that one fan you always get at shows who think they are cool. He’s chanting You Screwed Bret at Earl. All on his own. 17 years later. I can’t wait for him to chant Super Dragon next…

WHAT THE FUCK? :lmao Angelina’s finish is called the BOTOX INJECTION? For real? That’s fucking hilarious on so many levels.

Gail ends up winning. At least this was better than Anderson/Shaw. Not saying much though.

Angle announces a tag titles series. First team to win 2 matches wins the titles. Well I guess if you only have 3 teams, you might as well put them against each other every week :lmao.

MVP cuts a promo. He says… ummm… stuff. I was reading an article in the latest Official Nintendo Magazine. Hyrule Warriors looks and sounds AMAZING. Definitely wanna try and pick it up next month if I can afford it.

6 Way Escape the Cage match. Unfortunately the winner has to try and carry Lashley to a watchable match.

Eric Young? Huh, thought they would have put him in an injury angle claiming his neck was broken or something :side:.

Gunner and Magnus with jobber entrances.

Nice to know that Christy Hemme is keeping up tradition by announcing Bobby Roode as Bobby Rooooooooo.

Oh hey, just realised the 6 sided ring is back. I guess that’s the impact the ring has had on me…

Oh look, all the babyfaces have submission holds on all the heels. That gets a This is Awesome chant. TNA fans are super easy to please.

:lmao Eric Young starts climbing the cage. Roode climbs the other side. Young is ahead of Roode… yet he STOPS and turns around and waits for Roode to see him so they can do a scramble spot as they both race to get out :lmao. Oh god that was bad. Both of them land at the same time and we are left without knowing a winner. Yey.

Well, I guess I’ll stop watching TNA for another 6 months or so. You know, assuming they are still around.

Survivor Series 2003 PPV Ramblings

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Survivor Series 2003

 

“I’VE BEEN CHOSEN TO BURY THE UNDERTAKER ALIVE”

 

Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, John Cena, Bradshaw & Harcore Holly Vs Brock Lesnar, The Big Show, A-Train, Nathan Jones & Matt Morgan – Survivor Series Elimination Match

This one starts off as a giant brawl when Hardcore Holly jumps Lesnar and beats the fuck out of him, throws a referee to the ground and ends up getting DQ’d :lmao. Eliminated BEFORE THE MATCH EVEN BEGINS :lmao. HOW DOES THAT WORK?!?!

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL~! A-Train id DONE less than a minute later :lmao.

CHOKESLAM~! Bradshaw is eliminated… less than a minute later :lmao.

3 ELIMINATIONS IN ABOUT 2 MINUTES :lmao.

Cean just speared Lesnar’s KNEE :lmao.

Cena playing the FIP in a tag match. That ain’t something we see these days :p.

LESNAR AND BENOIT GETTING IT ON :mark:. I should re-watch their SD match again at some point. Just for the hell of it.

Man, how is a match with LESNAR AND SHOW dominating BENOIT boring? Amazed they managed it here…

Man, Morgan might suck but he takes a good German Suplex for a big guy lol.

:lmao Nathan Jones accidentally boots Morgan in the face and then FALLS OVER MORGAN :lmao

Morgan is eliminated with an Angle Slam.

ANKLE LOCK TO NATHAN JONES~! He taps out. He doesn’t want a broken ankle like he got a broken arm during an arm wrestling contest during a mid-90’s Worlds Strongest Man competition :lmao.

F-5 TO ANGLE RIGHT AFTER JONES GOT ELIMINATED~! ANGLE IS OUT!

CROSSFACE TO LESNAR~! LESNAR FUCKING TAPS!!!

Both team captains have been eliminated already lol. Big Show left alone to fight Cena and Benoit.

Cena makes a blind tag, decks Show with his chain, hits an F-U and wins.

This is… a clusterfucky mess. A bunch of quick eliminations, boring control segment followed by more quick eliminations. LOL. WHO THE FUCK BOOKED THIS SHIT?

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Vince randomly visits Shane backstage and says he feels like he’s being protected by a higher power. Then he meets Austin in a hallway and they both burst out laughing at each other before Austin looks mad. And then leaves. I see why the opener had so many quick eliminations. We needed time for this…

 

Lita Vs Molly Holly – Women’s Championship Match

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

Also, no thanks.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Shane McMahon Vs Kane – Ambulance Match

Shane launches himself at Kane, with both going over the ropes and holy FUCK it looks like Kane doesn’t bend, instead stays stiff and falls over the ropes and lands on his head :lmao.

STEEL STEPS ON KANE’S FACE~! STEEL CHAIR TO STEEL STEPS~! TV MONITOR TO KANE’S HEAD~!

Is this match rushed for time too lol? First couple minutes we see Kane land on his head, get attacked by steps and a chair, tv monitor to his head a few times and then a giant elbow drop through a fucking table :lmao.

Kane SITS UP from all that and… Shane runs away? Kane follows and they end up backstage somewhere and Shane manages to sneak up from behind and attacks Kane with a Kendo Stick…

:lmao then Shane gets in a car, HITS KANE AND SEND HIM THROUGH SOME RANDOM SECURITY BOOTH :lmao. That was the most hilarious thing EVER.

Shane calls for the ambulance from the… walkie talkie he randomly has… and KANE NO SELLS EVERYTHING STILL :lmao.

:lmao another camera dies.

Shane goes head first into the Ambulance and cracks the windscreen with the back of his head… and NO SELLS IT :lmao.

:lmao Kane is selling a shot to the face from an Ambulance door more than BEING RUN OVER AND THROWN THROUGH A GLASS WINDOW :lmao.

:lmao after EVERYTHING Shane has done to Kane so far… he realises it wasn’t enough so… he brings out the dreaded TIN FOIL GARBAGE CAN :lmao.

Awesome bump from Shane diving off the Ambulance and landing on… a cardboard box, smashing the tin foil can in Kane’s face.

:lmao again Kane sells THAT more than BEING RUN OVER AND KNOCKED THROUGH A GLASS WINDOW :lmao.

HUGE “Shane O Mac” chant as Kane lobs Shane into the side of the Ambulance over and over again.

TOMBSTONE ON THE FLOOR. And this is finally fucking over.

Fuck me what a shitty fucking piece of shit this match is :lmao. SPOT! NO SELL! SPOT! NO SELL! SPOT! NO SELL! SPOT! NO SELL!

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Coach comes out and does something or something. I dunno. I skipped it.

 

Evolution backstage. Orton runs in and sounds like he has BIG NEWS… but gets distracted by all the hot women in the room. 2 of them pinch his nipples :lmao.

 

The Basham Brothers Vs Los Guerreros – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Urgh, that damn shemale is out with the Bashams.

Thankfully EDDIE is involved in this match. Hopefully he can drag 3 talentless fucks to something watchable.

So EDDIE takes care of BOTH Bashams all on his own early on, until that moron Chavo accidentally distracts the ref and allows the Bashams to double team Eddie. Fucks sake Chavo, piss off already…

Hot tag to Chavo quicker than I would have liked, and Chavo runs in with dropkicks and attempts some EDDIE offence but fails miserably :lmao. Then he gets fucks up and EDDIE has to save his arse.

:lmao they do a “switch” with Doug and Danny, but the guy that came in gets IMMEDIATELY kicked out of the ring anyway, making the whole thing pointless :lmao. Then EDDIE frog splashes the shemale and Chavo spanks him because Chavo likes shemales.

Roll up and Chavo gets pinned because he’s useless.

Fuck me this was horrible outside of EDDIE :lmao. Bashams were awful, Chavo was awful, the shemale was awful.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Shawn Michaels, Booker T, RVD & The Dudley Boys Vs Mark Henry, Randy Orton, Christian, Chris Jericho & Scott Steiner – If Team Austin wins, he can beat people up any time he wants. If Team Bischoff wins, Austin is fired

Finally, a match on this show that I already know doesn’t outright SUCK. I always thought it was overrated, but still considered it to be great. As long as it holds up I’ll be happy. And who knows, maybe I’ll like it more this time around.

Team Austin bounces around a couple of Team Bischoff guys to start things off, then STEINER gets in against RVD who starts throwing kicks at BIG POPPA PUMP, and Scotty is all “fuck this shit, SUPLEX”. Very nearly eliminated RVD with a super overhead belly to belly :mark:.

Bah, Booker T gets a tag. Ha, he runs into a clothesline from STEINER.

Booker with an AXE KICK to Scotty, then the rest of Team Bischoff enter the ring and get mauled by Booker T’s shitty offence before Team Austin piles in for a BRAWL~!

LOW BLOW~! STEINER RECLINER~! FAP FAP STACY ON THE APRON BOUNCING AROUND CHEERING FOR BOOKER T EVEN THOUGH SHE’S STEINER’S MANAGER OR SOMETHING~! Dudley’s save her (ha, she used to manage them) with that reverse 3-D type move that fucks me off because any time they do it the retarded fans in the audience scream “THREEE DEEEEE!” at it even though it’s clearly NOT A FUCKING THREE DEE YOU PRICKS.

Steiner gets eliminated by Booker, then he turned right around into a WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM :mark:. Henry takes care of the Book Man!!! Now it’s time for HENRY TO FUCKING DOMINATE :mark:.

:mark: FUCKING HENRY, MAN. Dudley’s try to double team him and he just FUCKS THEM BOTH UP instead!!! :mark:

Man, when HENRY is on, he’s the fucking MAN.

3-D to Henry. 5 Star Frog Splah. Dudley’s and RVD pile on and manage to get a 3 count on Henry :(. BOOOOOOOOOO. At least he looked fucking STRONG in defeat lol. 2 finishers and 3 men to pin him. Wish he’d stuck around though.

Sweet jebus at that clothesline from Orton to RVD. Watching old Orton stuff makes me sad to see how far he’s gone down over the last 5 or so years :(. His clotheslines went from being epic to being the most robotic shit ever.

RKO~! RVD IS GONE!!! YEY!!!

LOL Devon gets eliminated from a… uhhh.. neckbreaker thingy or something :lmao.

HBK TAGGED INTO THE MATCH FOR THE FIRST TIME!

:lmao at Sign Guy…

Image

Bubba gets a low blow and the UNPRETTIER and is pinned while HBK stands on the apron doing fuck all. BREAK UP THE PIN YOU DUMB FUCK!!!

Now HBK is all alone with 3 opponents left. Serves him right.

Lots of “distract the ref while the other 2 team up on HBK” stuff going on, and at one point Christian sends Shawn head first into the ring post and HBK is GUSHING.

Christian tries to go to work on a bloodied HBK and… gets superkicked in the face :lmao. Christian is gone :(.

Shawn is getting beat down by the remaining 2 men from Team Bischoff, but he won’t stay down! He keeps fighting back and getting some offence in, then counters a Walls of Jericho into a roll up and eliminated Y2J!!!

Orton and HBK are the final 2, but before Jericho leaves, he smashes a steel chair over the head of Shawn!!!

MASSIVE crossbody from Orton, but Shawn moves and the poor referee gets DESTROYED. Shawn slowly pulls himself up with the help of the ropes, and begins to tune up the band!!!

He moves in for the kill and BISCHOFF kicks him!!! Austin has had enough, he takes out Bischoff and nails Orton with a Stunner!!! He fights Bischoff up the entrance ramp, meanwhile BATISTA shows up, Batista Bombs HBK and Orton gets the win! Austin is FIRED!!!

Great match still, so it definitely held up, but I do think it does get overrated, especially HBK’s performance at the end. Yeah, he did a good job selling the effects of being busted open and being in a 3 on 1 situation, but honestly I don’t think it’s anything THAT special. Shawn himself has done a better job, and honestly there wasn’t THAT much time from when HBK gets busted open to when the match ends, especially considering he has THREE opponents left to go through. He was CONSTANTLY fighting back and was never really in THAT much danger. I probably would have liked this more had Christian, Jericho and Orton really got a control segment over Shawn.

Also, HENRY should have been one of the last guys to be eliminated. A bloodied HBK having to take out HENRY? That would have made this thing AWESOME.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

The Undertaker Vs Vince McMahon – Buried Alive Match

Vince stands toe to toe with Undertaker, with a huge grin on his face as he believes a HIGHER POWER is watching over him. So Undertaker punches him in the face, and Vince is fucking BLEEDING after about 4 shots!!!

Undertaker is destroying, mauling, MURDERING Vince McMahon on live PPV :mark:. Multiple shots to the head, smashing his balls into the ring post a few times and choking him out with some cable. Vince McMahon is paying for his sins.

:mark: @ Undertaker punching Vince in the face… with a tv monitor!!! “WE’RE JUST GETTING STARTED” :mark:.

Seems Undertaker is bored with the weapons and ringside, and heads up to the grave site to bring back a fucking SHOVEL!!! RIGHT TO THE FUCKING FACE~!

STEEL STEPS TO THE ANKLE~! Throwback to 1998?

Undertaker picks up Vince McMahon and carries him over to the grave, where Vince manages to throw dirt in the Dead Man’s eyes and land a low blow! SHOVEL TO UNDERTAKER! UNDERTAKER FELL IN THE GRAVE!!!

But Undertaker is basically fresh and can recover quick enough, and throws VINCE in the grave! He heads to the digger to try and empty the dirt over Vince and… FIREBALL!!!

THAT’S GOTTA BE… THAT’S GOTTA BE KANE!! KANE PUTS UNDERTAKER IN THE GRAVE, VINCE HEADS TO THE DIGGER AND THE DIRT DROPS, COVERING UNDERTAKER ENTIRELY!!!

THE UNDERTAKER HAS JUST BEEN BURIED ALIVE!!! VINCE WINS!!!

So this ruled more than I used to think. Undertaker destroying Vince is soooo much fun.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Goldberg Vs Triple H – World Heavyweight Championship Match

:lmao A MAN GETTING BURIED ALIVE DOESN’T EVEN MAIN EVENT THIS SHOW :lmao.

HHH put a “hit” out on Goldberg. Batista “shattered” his ankle. Luckily HHH is still suffering from that torn penis so that just evens shit up :p.

Goldberg goes after BOTH HHH and Flair before the bell even rings and lands a SPEAR on HHH!!! The bell finally rings and Goldberg continues to kill HHH on the outside.

:lmao Goldberg has an injured ANKLE… so HHH targets… the knee :lmao. Then Flair actually gets some shots in on the ANKLE and HHH must have seen it because he finally targets THE CORRECT PART of the body :lmao.

So HHH stomps at Goldberg’s ankle, Goldberg tries a power move to do a comeback, HHH goes back after the ankle, rinse and repeat until the REF BUMP where the Sledgehammer, brass knucks and Evolution all get involved.

Goldberg takes care of Evolution, then throws away the Sledgehammer and SPEARS HHH, followed by the Jackhammer and this is over, thankfully. GOOD GOD ALMIGHT WHO’S YOUR DADDY TONIGHT?

Dull and shitty. And this main evented OVER A MAN GETTING BURIED ALIVE? Fuck this company.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 5