No Mercy 2002 Ramblings

Posted on: March 16th, 2014 by Big Cal

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WWE No Mercy 2002

Love how the PPV starts. Kane sits down next to Undertaker and simply asks “how was your week?” :lmao. Obviously helps if you remember what was going on during the shows at the time haha :p.

 

Chris Jericho & Christian Vs Goldust & Booker T – World Tag Team Championship Match

Goldust :mark:. Christian :mark:. Jericho (not quite mark worthy). And then Booker T. 3 out of 4 ain’t too bad :).

Jericho attacked Booker and busted him WIDE OPEN a couple of weeks ago, so when Booker starts the match he wants Jericho but gets Christian, so he beats up Christian and goes right for Jericho, allowing Christian to attack him from behind and… lose control immeditately with Goldust getting tagged in :p.

Goldust is awesome :mark:. He makes smashing people in the face with his arse LOOK CREDIBLE.

:lmao at Lawler on commentary fantasising about Cole and Tazz getting squashed if the HIAC fell down. THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU JERRY?

Good team work from C2 to keep Goldust from making the hot tag. GREAT hope spots from Goldust before he finally gets the hot tag. Wish his FIP segment had lasted waaaay longer though :(. Booker is fine as the hot tag guy at least. His big kicks DO kinda look cool even if I think he’s average as fuck at best :p.

:mark: tag to Goldust. SHATTERED DREAMS TIME BABY!!! No Christian Jr I guess.

WALLS OF JERICHO. KICK TO JERICHO’S FACE. SCISSORS KICK. COME ON GOLDUST PIN HIM!!! Bah, that no good Christian broke it up :(.

:lmao Jericho attempts the Lionsault and the rope dies. Everyone looks baffled but they recover nicely with Jericho hitting a full on MOONSAULT for the win.

Well this was… decent. Disappointing tbh. Didn’t get all that much time and they steered a little too far from the good old STF for my liking. Short FIP from Goldust followed by a prolonged finishing stretch which honestly isn’t thrilling. Ropes breaking luckily doesn’t kill it off or anything as it happened at the end and Jericho was able to recover fine. Still, I liked it enough to not call it horrible or anything :).

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

FUNAKI. SMACKADUWN NAMBUR WAN ANNUNCER! My god this “interview” goes on far too long with Funaki barely speaking English and Al Wilson being a horrible actor :lmao. At least we get to see Dawn Marie clips a bunch of times.

 

Dawn Marie Vs Torrie Wilson

FAP FAP FAP? Well yes, but I’m gonna skip it anyway.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Ric Flair Vs Rob Van Dam

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. The greatest of all time Vs the flippy dude who smokes a lot of weed.

RVD is PISSED and goes right after Flair and they fight on the outside. Big kick to Flair’s face and Flair takes an epic bump over the barricade right onto a couple of kids :lmao.

:lmao Flair goes for the FLAIR BUMP over the turnbuckle and he seems to realise while upside down still that he ain’t gonna make it, so he just SCREAMS “AARRHGHKGHDAJFSFJ!!!” in disgust at himself :lmao.

Leg work from Flair. RVD… is selling it REALLY FUCKING WELL.

Come on Flair. BREAK HIS LEGS. End his reign of flippy shit forever!!! *realises this took place 11 years ago and RVD is still flipping about* :(

Urgh, RVD, stop. Stop throwing those fucking elbows. They are on par with HHH’s punches. You know, where he has to hold his opponents head first before he throws them and it takes like 20 seconds between each shot which absolutely KILLS any back and forth striking between him and his opponent?

Lawler: “DO YOU THINK PREGNANT WOMEN ARE ATTRACTIVE?”

:lmao WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM?

The fuck is Flair doing? STOP STEALING MIZ’S FINISHER HOLD YOU OLD BAST… oh wait, no. This looks to be some modified version of what Miz does 8*D.

Flair is GOAT’ing all over the place with his leg work on RVD and those RIGHT HANDS to the face too. Do people talk about Flair’s punching much btw? I always really liked his punches. They always looked really fucking good.

Oh hey, RVD no selling the leg work. I AM SHOCKED AND OUTRAGED THAT SOMEONE AS GOOD AS RVD WOULD DO SUCH A THING!

:lmao Flair sells the 5 Star Frog Splash like the true GOAT he is. Flops around like a fish out of water until RVD covers him. RVD wins.

Match is mostly solid. Flair controls most of it and works the leg really well. Would have been better had RVD like, sold the leg work during his comeback at the end.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Big Show has his thumb up his arse.

 

Jamie Noble Vs Tajiri – Cruiserweight Championship Match

:mark: please let this rule the planet.

Oh my god I think I’m in love with Tajiri :mark:. Guy RULES in this. RULES. MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING RULES THE FUCKING WORLD AND EVERY FUCKER IN IT. Why? This:

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Noble rules too. Not as much, but he’s still damn great. Love him shouting random shit and adding “BOY” at the end of everything :p. His offence is really good, focusing on the back of Tajiri. Looks nice and NASTY too. Speaking of NASTY, wouldn’t mind getting NASTY WITH NIDIA.

:mark: that awesome sequence with Tajiri going for a Moonsault, Noble moving, Tajiri landing on his feet and going right into a tornado DDT :mark:.

OH SHIT, Tajiri goes fucking INSANE with a flurry of kicks. HE GONNA KILL HIM.

ORGASMIC counter from a kick by Noble… right into another kick TO THE FACE anyway :mark:. And then THAT GERMAN. THIS IS AWESOME *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*.

NIDIA kisses the lucky referee in order to distract him from a pin attempt after Tajiri KICKS NOBLE’S HEAD OFF. Then she helps him get the win to retain the title.

TAJIRI KISSES NIDIA. She likes it! What a slut! Noble’s revenge is showing him how to really kiss her :lmao. SO Tajiri kicks him in the back of the head.

This was GLORIOUS. Had to look up the time because I *thought* it got like 10+ minutes, but it only got about 8! Felt longer in the best way possible.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Benoit is backstage finding Eddie to tell him that Angle is beating the shit out of Chavo Jr. Eddie thinks the screams are coming from a little girl. He’s right. And so is Benoit. Angle is beating the shit out of little girl Chavo Jr. LOL. Best thing Angle has done!!! FINLAY sighting :mark:.

 

Triple H Vs Kane – Winner Takes All World Heavyweight Championship Match

The IC title merged with the Hardcore title, and now the winner of this is gonna merge the IC title into the WHC. Because… ummm… I guess they wanted to make the main brand titles mean something more than usual for about half a year before they decide to bring this back and bring the US title to SD :p.

KATIE VICK~! DEATH~! RAPE~!

Lawler: “IT’S NOT COOL TO BE A FREAK!!!”. Be a star you fuck.

HHH has never beaten Kane in a title match. Except for that time when HHH and Austin beat Kane and Undertaker for the tag belts. LOL.

HHH looks odd as fuck without facial hair. Makes his nose look bigger. BIGGER.

Early going is mostly fun with Kane going crazy on HHH because, ya know, he accused him of murdering Katie Vick then raping her corpse. Is it still rape if the person is dead? I mean, they can’t tell you either way. Stop talking now? Yeah ok.

So early going. Kane is rocking HHH with big shots and it’s all pretty bossy. :lmao though at the spot where Kane is running at HHH in the corner and HHH is supposed to get an elbow up. Kane practically STOPS before he gets to HHH then walks into the elbow :lmao.

Nice transition spot into HHH’s control segment; thumb to the eye (FLAIR~!) followed by a knee to the back which sends Kane head first into the ring post :).

Shame HHH’s control segment isn’t as good as the transition spot into it lol. Dull dull dull dull dull dull dull. Thankfully it doesn’t last too long. I spent most of the time laughing at the commentary. JR and King talking about MURDER :lmao.

FLAIR~! :lmao he runs into the ring, spazzes out, the ref gets taken out then Flair gets taken out. Quality.

BELT TO THE FACE. KICK OUT. THE HURRICANE~! :lmao forgot he and Kane were partners at this time. Seemed odd for a few moments when I forgot and Hurricane came down to attack Flair :lmao.

PEDIGREE ON THE FLOOR~! Hurricane averted!

Kane sits up in the ring and looks to finish THE GAME now. Flair on the outside smashing his fists on the steel steps then threatening fans is GOAT. He’s been at ringside for like 2 minutes and he’s already the most entertaining thing in this match.

:lmao oh man Flair trying to go toe to toe with Kane is another GOAT moment.

HHH THROUGH A TABLE~!

Kane is UNSTOPPABLE in this. Kicking out of everything, taking out Flair, putting HHH through a table, blocking a sledgehammer shot by Flair. Chokeslam. But the numbers game and the sledgehammer eventually prove too much. Pedigree and this one is finally over. HHH unifies the WHC and IC title.

Match isn’t horrible… but not that good either. HHH is dull controlling things but luckily that doesn’t last long. Whole finishing stretch makes Kane look unstoppable but is overbooked clusterfuckery and eh, I’m not too high on it. Maybe if they’d had Flair at ringside from the start and spread out those spots throughout the entire match it might have come across better.

Rating: **1/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

CONFIDENTIALLY… YOU’RE A LYING BITCH.

:lmao Undertaker rules.

 

Chris Benoit & Kurt Angle Vs Rey Mysterio & Edge – WWF Tag Team Championship Match

Bangle Vs Redge :mark:.

Watching the build up video makes me wanna watch the whole tag tournament again. Might have to at some point.

Match starts, Angle grabs Rey and throws him across the ring. Then tells him to tag Edge because LOLREY. Rey sees it as disrespect and doesn’t tag out, instead he takes it to Angle and uses his speed and high flying ability to make Angle look like a complete and total tit! :mark:SUPER fun start!!!

And once Rey gets Angle all frustrated… he tags in Edge :lmao.

Edge and Benoit roll around on the mat for a few minutes and it’s kinda dull, then we get a few nice spots with Angle getting involved on the apron, Edge getting a revenge spot and then Angle getting a revenge for revenge spot spot!!! And that leads to the first control segment for Bangle.

:lmao at Mysterio standing on the ropes and screaming for Edge to get up and make a tag, and Benoit just kinda stops what he’s doing to Edge, walks over and stares at him before going back to work on Edge.

HOT TAG TO MYSTERIO~! Guy is on FIRE!!! Loved that springboard drop kick to Benoit who was laying face up in the ropes! Incredible near fall!

CROSSFACE~!

619~! Benoit catches him! MISSILE DROPKICK FROM EDGE AND BENOIT IS CRUSHED! 1…2… KICK OUT!!!

Rey climbs the ropes to try and finish Benoit off… and Angle shows up from out of nowhere for the super over head belly to belly!!! Probably the only time that move has made sense and wasn’t some random spot simply to set the move up!

:mark: now it’s time for REY to be the FIP :mark:. One of the things I’ve always liked about this match is how we got Edge as FIP and then a hot tag and what would normally be an incredible finishing stretch… that only leads to ANOTHER heel control segment with Rey as the FIP! Just when you think the match is going into the final stretch they slow things down again and build up more suspense for the ACTUAL finish.

Huh, hot tag to Edge already. That didn’t seem to last long :(. Another big finishing stretch, but Edge off the hot tag isn’t as good as Rey :(.

:mark: Edge just gave Rey an over head belly to belly to send him right into Angle :mark:. Logic behind it is DUMB AS FUCK but damn it looked good!

619 to Benoit while he’s applying the Crossface!!!

ANGLE SLAM TO REY~!

ANKLE LOCK TO EDGE~!

SPEAR TO ANGLE~!

ANKLE LOCK TO EDGE AGAIN~!

ANKLE LOCK TO ANGLE BY EDGE~!

ANKLE LOCK TO EDGE BY ANGLE AGAIN~!

TAP OUT~!

Well. I mean. I.

I used to love this. Even when my wrestling tastes changed and matches with MOVES~! and shit all went down for me… this remained great. Until now. It just fell a little flat for me. The Edge FIP was short and kinda meh outside of a few spots. Rey hot tag was INCREDIBLE. Then the Rey FIP was… short as fuck with little happening, and honestly I think my biggest disappointment with the match is there. I mentioned that I loved the match for having the 2 FIP segments in it, but this time both were kinda shitty and I wish we’d just got one long Rey FIP with some substance to it. First finishing stretch was good, but the actual finishing stretch was kinda shitty.

Overall… the match is ok, good even, but seems to have completely fallen apart for me compared to my last watch. And that makes me sad :(.

Rating: ***

CAL SCALE – 2

 

Trish Stratus Vs Victoria – WWE Women’s Championship Match

Yeah, sorry. No.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Brock Lesnar Vs The Undertaker – WWE Championship Hell in a Cell Match

:mark:

Build up video is awesome. God I loved the feud. Always great too when you can remember watching it as it happened.

Lesnar uses his power early on to hit a HUGE powerslam on Undertaker for a near fall mere minutes into the match. So Undertaker decides to use the cast as a weapon to even things up and Lesnar DOES NOT like that! Being a rookie and his first time inside HIAC, he starts to panic and wants to get out, because it’s only NOW that he realises exactly what he’s gotten himself into; a confined space with THE UNDERTAKER who has a cast that can be used as a WEAPON.

LESNAR IS BLEEDING. And Undertaker is DOMINATING the WWE Champion inside the cell. Lesnar takes some killer bumps face first into the cell.

Undertaker does his apron leg drop… then climbs to the top rope and looks to do the same… only he kinda falls and turns and apparently did a knee drop. :lmao it looks dreadful tbh :p.

Heyman on the outside is amazing. :lmao at him pushing his arm through one of the gaps to try and get at ‘Taker. Undertaker boots him in the face, then grabs him by the tie and smashes his face repeatedly into the cell!!! HEYMAN IS BLEEDING!!!

It seems that Heyman getting busted open ANGERS Lesnar who gets a second wind and just smashes Undertaker into the cell and ring post, ending with all 3 men laying on the floor, beaten and in some cases bleeding… and we aren’t anywhere near done yet!!!

Heyman proves to be a valuable asset even outside the cell, handing Lesnar his belt to tie around the broken hand. Heyman grabs the other and and makes sure Undertaker’s hand is going nowhere, allowing Lesnar to SMASH IT TO FUCKING BITS with a steel chair!!!

Heyman: “YOU’RE GONNA DIE NOW! YOU’RE GONNA DIE NOW!” :mark:.

I love how this match went from Lesnar panicking and running from Undertaker, getting MAULED even at one point, to Lesnar in firm control with a clear target. All thanks to PAUL HEYMAN. Guy really is the third man in this match. Amazing how much he can do outside of even a cage. Kinda like the HHH/Lesnar cage… except Heyman was the only good thing about that match :lmao.

THE CAST IS OFF!!!

Fuck me, Undertaker’s legs are COVERED in blood. And he ain’t even bleeding! Good job he’s wearing dark trousers lol.

SUICIDE DIVE~! BY THE UNDERTAKER~! Gotta love how even Undertaker is having to resort to shit like that. Lesnar is proving to be a HUGE threat in this match and Undertaker gotta do whatever he can to beat him.

:mark: at Undertaker trying to pick up the steel steps, but letting go because his hand is fucked :mark:.

Undertaker is BLEEDING. From 2 INCREDIBLE shots to the face with the steel steps. Heyman saying “YOU ARE THE MAN” and high fiving with Lesnar at the side of the cell is more :mark: from Heyman. Has any manager EVER added so much to a match simply being on the outside?

Undertaker is bleeding on Eddie Guerrero JD 04 levels now. HOLY FUCK.

:mark: at Undertaker instinctively punching Lesnar with his right hand, only to end up screaming in pain because it’s the hand that was broken :mark:.

:mark: at Undertaker getting a little revenge by stomping away on the hand of Lesnar. NOBODY BREAKS THE DEADMAN’S HAND WITHOUT PAYING.

Tazz: “THE UNDERTAKER HAS NEVER BEEN PINNED. HAS NEVER SUBMITTED.”. Ummmm… WHAT?

F-5! No! Countered into a chokeslam!!! People complain about that because he uses his injured hand. Whatever. He hits it out of desperation to avoid an F-5. As soon as he hits it he just falls on Lesnar for a pin, and from there HE CONTINUES TO SELL THE HAND. So fuck off you numpties.

LAST RIDE OUT OF THE CORNER~! I love how Undertaker wasn’t able to hit it from the normal position. His hand wouldn’t allow him to flip Lesnar up onto his shoulders, and Lesnar was able to counter and send ‘Taker to the ropes, where Undertaker could simply walk forward and slam Lesnar down with the Last Ride rather than get him up there himself.

Oh fuck at THAT FINISH. Tombstone countered into an F-5 by Lesnar, which includes Lesnar absolutely POWERING Undertaker out of a Tombstone position, onto his shoulders and into an F-5. Incredible. BROCK LESNAR retains the WWE Title against Undertaker in Hell in a Cell. During his FIRST YEAR on the active roster. Incredible.

And speaking of INCREDIBLE, that is exactly how I would describe this match. Brutal, bloody, intense, shocking. THIS is the kind of thing Hell in a Cell was made for. Such a great match to watch. Always considered it to be the 2nd best HIAC (behind the GOAT MATCH of course), and it isn’t going to move up to the #1 spot, but dammit it’s moving up in another way…

Rating: *****
CAL SCALE – 9

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 15.5

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