Category: Written Reviews

Survivor Series 2000

YOU WERE ALL PUPPETS. YOU WERE ALL FOOLS. YOU WERE ALL LIVING A LIE.

T&A & Trish Stratus Vs Steve Blackman, Crash Holly & Molly Holly

Mmmmm TRISH FAP FAP and MOLLY FAP FAP. Oh yeah, Molly was hot.

Dammit, why did Blackman have to be in this match? I WANT CRAZY HARDCORE TITLE MATCHES DAMMIT.

So this is happening because after the APA were taken out by T&A, they left Crash in charge… only for T&A(PA) to kick him out and take over the office. Crash is defending the honour of the APA and Blackman is randomly helping him lol.

MOLLY RIGHT ON TOP OF ALBERT. NEVER THOUGHT I’D SAY THAT!  JR is awesome.

So this was ok. Kinda fun, but a complete nothing match tbh. MOLLY AND TRISH’S TITS. That’s about it.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

LOL. Angle, Edge & Christian segment. E&C are making excuses for not wanting to help him tonight in his match against THE UNDERTAKER. Angle seems oddly confident. Hmmm… I smell a screwjob…

Lo Down can’t get into the building. Good.

Road Dogg, K-Kwik, Billy Gunn & Chyna Vs The Radicals – Survivor Series Elimination Match

3 former DX members together again . And then K-Truth or R-Kwik or whatever his name is happens to be there. Hmmm…. K – KwiK. KKK. 

Cool to see Road Dogg & Billy Gunn as the last 2 guys on their team when it comes down to a 3 on 2 situation. Shame nothing ever really came of DX kicking Gunn out after NWO when he got injured and lost the tag belts. I seem to remember a HEAT match with Billy and X-Pac, maybe Road Dogg too, but that was it. No real redemption or anything.

Billy Gunn ends up in a 3 on 1 situation. He loses in the end. Meh. Didn’t think much to this at all, which given some of the talent involved is a shame.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Kane Vs Chris Jericho

So this feud started over coffee. So the match HAS to be good.

 how fucking sloppy is Jericho at times *cough*most of his career*cough*? Nearly killed himself in a Lesnar-Extreme Rules 2012-over the ropes way about 2 minutes into the match. That was after he dropkicked Kane over the ropes… except he almost completely missed Kane .

GORY SPECIAL by Kane! Except he holds Jericho BY HIS FUCKING FACE. Awesome. Because Kane hates Jericho’s face. That’s what this feud is all about. That and coffee. Stephanie had taken over creative about a month earlier. Doesn’t show… .

Fuck me sideways and call me Mary (but only on weekends, that’s when I dress up you see), HOW FUCKING STRONG IS KANE? I know he’s always been considered one of the strongest on the roster, and I think even Undertaker said something like that in the It’s My Yard doc… but damn. There are a couple of times in the match where he absolutely POWERS up Jericho for a couple of spots when Jericho doesn’t seem to be in a good position to help out. Kane damn near presses Jericho overhead WITH ONE ARM at one point on the outside.

Jericho, aside from being a sloppy cunt (reminds me of a girl I knew… what?), is pretty good in this too. He holds his own during a couple of brawling sequences in convincing ways, and I love his comeback. Catches Kane coming off the ropes with a dropkick, catches a big boot from kick and sweeps the legs out and then builds his offence from there as we go into a finish.

The big red coffee monster wins in the end with a sweet chokeslam. Good match, wasn’t expecting much from anything on this show aside from Rock/Rikishi and Undertaker/Angle, so this was a nice surprise.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

William Regal Vs Hardcore Holly – WWF European Championship Match

ANDY IS GOD sign in the crowd. So he was always awesome, huh?

 Holly takes what might be the slowest “shoulder to the ringpost” spot ever. Guess he is nervous due to only recently returning from his broken arm.

Some nice STIFFNESS in this. One spot where Holly blasts Regal in the face a couple of times, so Regal just decks him with an elbow to the face. Holly stops punching.

Lawler doesn’t think we have BBQ sauce in the UK. Moron. We just don’t have the weather for BBQ’s! 

Regal tries to destroy Holly’s bad arm, and in the end Holly gets pissed off and blasts Regal with the European title belt and gets DQ’d. Eh match. Crowd shit on it, and it’s a little dull too.

Rating: *1/2
CAL SCALE – 0

TRISH FAP FAP TITS FAP FAP. She is throwing herself at Angle, but he thinks she’s offering him the services of T&A.

Rikishi Vs The Rock

I DID IT, FOR THE ROCK. BUT REALLY, I DID IT FOR HHH. BECAUSE I WASN’T GETTING OVER ENOUGH AS A HEEL.

I’M A BAAAAD MAN.

HHH drove a car past Rock 6 days ago… and Rikishi was hanging out of the window with a sledgehammer and smashed it into Rock’s gut. Then Rock wrestled BENOIT on SD and Rikishi crushed him with a Bonzai drop. Guy’s ribs gotta be FUCKED, right? 10 seconds into the match and Rock hits a Samoan Drop on RIKISHI as if nothing happened. WHAT A CUNT.

Rock finally sells the fucking ribs once Rikishi starts to maul them. SLEDGEHAMMER comes out but doesn’t get used and instead Rikishi gets a Rock Bottom. Thankfully Rock doesn’t get the win (yet… *sigh) because he’s too hurt and the referee was taken out on the outside and takes his time getting his arse back in the ring. Fuck me, Rikishi was down for about a minute after the Rock Bottom and still barely kicked out at 2. Would have been a bigger injustice than Booker T at WM 19 if he lost to that. Then again Booker didn’t deserve to win at WM 19 so fuck how long it took HHH to cover him which wasn’t even that long anyway just a bunch of cunts make it out to be 5 minutes or some shit. Get a life you twats. Booker T sucks.

Fuck me, Rikishi hits a Samoan Drop then does that sit down splash thingy and Rock kicked out at 2 with no time between the move and the cover. Yet a Rock Bottom to a perfectly healthy Rikishi nearly ended the match after like 2 minutes of resting between the move and the pin? BUUUUULLLSHIT.

Yes! Shove your fat arse in Rock’s face! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH RIKISHI IS THE GOAT. THIS IS AWESOME CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP THIS IS AWESOME CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP.

Lol, Rock didn’t like that. He EXPLODES out of the corner with a clothesline and Rikishi does the awesome inside out bump off it . I always told you Rock was obsessed with men’s arses. Rikishi shoves his in Rock’s face and BAM, guy is making a comeback. Energised him. LOL.

Damn lol, Rikishi really sells the People’s Elbow. Guy is having a spasm on the mat. So that ends the match. This… this wasn’t as good as I remembered. Still solid shit and whatnot, but eh, not quite what I remembered.

Best part is after the match, where Rikishi fucking murders Rock with numerous Bonzai Drops.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

Ivory Vs Lita – WWF Women’s Championship

LITA  FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

I stopped masturbating for like 2 seconds and saw about 10 botches in a row . Just one long sequence that was botched every step of the way . Then Ivory gets in control and things go smoothly . Sorry Lita, I love ya, but damn you botched the shit out of EVERYTHING in this one.

LITA gets busted open . Poor Lita. I’LL SAVE YOU.

Moonsault, Steven Richards pulls Ivory out of the ring and Lita is laid flat on the mat (uhhh… yey?).

LITA TAKES HER TOP OFF.

Moonsault and Ivory… does something (nobody knows if she got the knees up or got the title belt up lol) and LITA loses . Replay shows it was a mixture of both.

If it wasn’t for LITA this would be the worst thing ever.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

Jericho attacks Kane!!! THEY AIN’T DONE WITH THEIR FEUD!!! NOBODY GETS OVER SPILT COFFEE IN JUST ONE MATCH!

Kurt Angle Vs The Undertaker – WWF Championship Match

IT’S TIME FOR THE GOLDEN BOY TO TAKE HIS LAST RIDE.

Man, Undertaker is playing MIND GAMES right from the start by having a prolonged entrance (LOL considering what he does now I know). His music keeps playing while he’s in the ring and he grabs the WWF title from the referee and poses with it, and doesn’t even take his coat off. He’s making Angle, THE CHAMPION, wait until he’s ready, because he’s the fucking DEAD MAN and this is his 10th year since he debuted and he’s the fucking MAN.

Angle refuses to get in the ring even after the music stops because, well, Undertaker is fired up and would destroy him from the get go. So Undertaker brings in a chair, throws it to Angle and lets him BLAST HIM in the back before the bell. Angle thinks he got the better end of the deal… until Undertaker fires back and shows Angle that not even a fucking STEEL CHAIR can even the odds for him.

Moment where Angle realises the chair didn’t mean shit is awesome. He’s been punching Undertaker in the FACE repeatedly since the chair shot, and actually tires himself out from all the punching… only to look up and see Undertaker stand up straight and tell him to bring it. AWESOME. Move aside, LITA, I’m fapping to this instead!!! 

 Angle is tremendous at some of his reactions in this. The one I just mentioned, plus when Undertaker is chasing him down you can hear him scream “YOU GET AWAY FROM ME!”, and then when Undertaker catches him on the outside to smash his back into the ring post he’s screaming “oh god no” and looks like he’s about to cry . Goofy Angle who could go in the ring without spamming moves was great.

Whole story of this match seems to be that Undertaker is the 10 year veteran and he just HAS Angle’s number. Kurt keeps fighting but Undertaker keeps putting him down. So Angle has to resort to other measures, such as an Edge & Christian run in that costs Undertaker TWO separate victories. The legs of Undertaker keep coming into play too, as Angle already knows they are the weak point as they were a major factor in their first PPV match back at Fully Loaded (FULLY LOADED  ).

Dammit, got all excited for the Tombstone but they just teased me .

Angle goes under the ring, Undertaker brings him back out and hits a Last Ride, ref counts 1… ref counts 2… ref stops! Then Angle runs in and rolls up Undertaker for the win! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!?!?!

Eric Angle, that’s what just happened! And the tradition of screw job finishes at Survivor Series continues! 

Yeah, this match is still great.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

Edge & Christian & The Goodfather & Bull Buchanan Vs The Dudley Boys & The Hardy Boys – Survivor Series Elimination Match

Well damn, I forgot Bull and Goodfather were actually TAG CHAMPS at one point.

QUADRUPLE DDT~!

EDGEAMATIC~!

LONGEST TAG TEAM MIS-COMMUNICATION SPOT SEQUENCE EVER~!

Finish is the dumbest shit ever. Goodfather clotheslines Val, falls over and gets pinned.

Match has some fun moments but otherwise is a giant load of nothing. Val and Stevie go through tables.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

Steve Austin Vs Triple H – No DQ Match

Trips has a cool non lyrical version of MY TIME for his theme here. Makes him seem like a real bad cunt, which I guess was the point. HE TRIED TO DROP THINGS ON AUSTIN’S HEAD.

So this is a yawnathon. Most interesting fight here is Austin Vs Timekeeper’s Table.

Match “ends” when Austin dumps HHH upside down in a car from like 20ft using a forklift. And HHH comes back like 2 weeks later as if nothing happened. Hilarious.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

Overall CAL SCALE – 6

No Mercy 2000

I’M LOOKING AT RIKISHI, AND I’M LOOKING AT A DEAD MAN.

2 Cool Vs Lo Down Vs Tazz & Raven Vs The Dudley Boys Vs Right to Censor – The Dudley Boys Tag Team Elimination Table Invitational Match

Is the match name long enough? So apparently this was BYOT: Bring your own table.

Lo Down. What a low point for the tag division in 2000. They get eliminated first. Whatever.

TAZZ AND RAVEN. They were both in ECW so they needed to be teamed together obviously. Though it is better than the alternative; a singles push for Raven. Never understood his hype. Not that good in the ring, overrated like a motherfucker on the mic. Shame Tazz’s body was breaking down by this point. Would have liked to have seen more of him in WWF. IC title run with him being more of his ECW “Ultimate Fighter” style worker or whatever could have been cool. 20 minutes on PPV between Tazz and Benoit? YUSH PWESE!

 GMS broke a table with his feet doing a sunset flip, and the ref just ignores it. YOU FUCKED UP chant. Well deserved. Would have been awesome had GMS’ pants fallen down and broken the table instead.

WORM UNDER A TABLE. GOAT WORM EVER. Then he gets eliminated. Tazz and Raven continue on!

THOSE DAMN DUDLEYS! So is this WWF or ECW? WWF of course because nobody has bladed like fuck yet for no reason and New Jack hasn’t shown up to dive 100ft off a platform onto the concrete because he’s a moron.

So Tazz & Raven get eliminated at some point. Bull and Goodfather are out next/last. Ref bump. Bull through a table. Chair shot to Bubba. Falls on top of Bull. Goodfather moves Bull. Ref wakes up. Looks like Bubba went through the table. LOL.

Another ref shows up to tell him what happened. Match restarts. Dudleys win. STOP RANDOMLY DECIDING WHEN YOU WILL RESTART MATCHES AND SHIT. BENOIT USED THE ROPES TO BEAT JERICHO AT SUMMERSLAM, WHY DIDN’T ANYONE RESTART THAT MATCH? HUH? HUH?

This was… eh. A nothing match. Not even that fun either tbh. Literally just nothing.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

TRISH’S TITS. T&A talk about how it wouldn’t be a bad thing if they fell out of her top. I am in agree.

APA & LITA Vs T&A & Trish

So this all started with a strip poker game where Trish got naked and the APA were so distracted they got beat up. LITA FAP FAP.

 at the sign “Lita can I have your thong?”. Then again, not that funny. She never did give it to me. Bitch. HOT BITCH.

LITA FAP FAP FAP comes out first, then the APA music plays but they never show up. Turns out they got attacked. T&A & Trish come out to get LITA FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP and triple team her for a little while before the Hardy Boys make the save.

Match never happens. And that’s that. Did one or both of the APA have to have surgery or something at the time? I know they were out for a little while because of this, and it seems weird to book a match like this and not do it on PPV.

Rating: Never Happened
CAL SCALE – 

Edge & Christian couldn’t compete in the tables match tonight because of their nuts. Lots of ball jokes. Ha.

Chris Jericho Vs X-Pac – Cage Match

 these two had a fucking awesome match at Unforgiven. In a cage this time? Could be fun times!!!

HATE~! Yes! These two have been trying to kill each other for like 2 months now, and they ain’t slowing down yet! Jericho goes right after X-Pac before he even gets in the cage, so they brawl on the outside before getting in the cage and proceeding to kill each other some more .

Fuck me, X-Pac takes on hell of a back drop into the cage. Then gets RIGHT BACK UP and attacks Jericho some more. What?

I zoned out for a few moments and somehow Jericho got hit in the face with a chair. When did the chair show up? 

All in all, the do beat the shit out of each other the entire time and it does offer some good shit, but eh, got nothing on their UF match tbh. Some stupid moments here and there bring it down a little, and the overall HATE~! doesn’t seem as good as UF. Finish is good though.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

DAMMIT, Steve Blackman is at WWF New York. No awesome Hardcore Title match tonight then .

COMMISH FOLEY!!!

Billy Gunn & Chyna Vs Val Venis & Steven Richards

Was originally supposed to be Eddie Vs Billy for the IC title, but Eddie got injured. Steven Richards says he wouldn’t normally hit a women unless it was ABSOLUTELY necessary. S’ok Stevie, Chyna ain’t no women. RECTALLY OBSESSED BILLY GUNN.

SO MANY ASSES, SO LITTLE TIME.

Poor Val nearly gets blinded when Chyna rubs his face in her tits. EEEWWWW. I’d sooner have my face in the ass of the women from Rock/Gunn SummerSlam 99 match. YOU KNOW THE ONE I MEAN.

Poor Val. He seems to get owned by Chyna quite a few times in 2000. He don’t deserve it either. Val was awesome. FAMEASSER! Wait, isn’t that a Ziggler move? I get it! Billy Gunn invented a time machine, came to the future and stole Dolph’s move! What a cunt!

Speaking of stolen moves, Chyna goes for a Pedigree. Eddie hits her in the back with a pipe covered in roses. Ref makes the count even though the ring is covered in flowers. WHERE IS THAT OTHER REF TO RESTART THE MATCH NOW? HUH? HUH? BIASED MOTHERFUCKER.

So this wasn’t too bad all things considering. Decentish. Funish. Not badish. Thereish.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Steve Austin Vs Rikishi – No Holds Barred

So Rikishi was the one that ran over Austin. And it didn’t work so HHH did it instead. LOL. Rikishi was doing awesome as a babyface. Should have stayed like that. I would have liked say, a Rikishi Vs Angle PPV match for the WWF Title around this time. Could play up on their KOTR finals match.

Man, this was a BLOOD FEUD. Both guys LEGITIMATELY threatened to kill each other. KILL. FOR REAL. Awesome.

Austin hasn’t show up yet so Foley comes out to announce Rikishi the winner by forfit. He wastes a bunch of time slowly coming to the ring then standing about without talking to buy Austin time. Then Austin’s music hits and his truck arrives. So like, did he ring ahead and say “play my music”?

Well I like Stone Cold. But I also like Rikishi. Which is better? There’s only one way to find out… FIGHT!!! And fuck, they do. MAUL is a better word than fight.

Should have been clear Rikishi did it for HHH btw. Guy was walking about with a SLEDGEHAMMER. Duh.

So this is awesome. Austin just destroys, murders, mauls, beats and other word that means all those things too poor Rikishi. Punches his face in. Beats him with his belt. Smashes his skull in with a chair, then tries to run the fat fuck over. AUSTIN ATTEMPTS TO MURDER RIKISHI FOR REAL ON LIVE PPV. I miss those days.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

William Regal Vs Naked Mideon – WWF European Championship Match

We go from attempted murder to nudity. Only in WWF!!!

Naked Mideon is clothed. False advertising… but I’ll manage.

Regal dominates and Mideon gets angry… so he takes off his top. Eeewww. Regal dominates AGAIN. So Mideon takes off his bottoms. EEEWWWW EEEWWW EEEEWWWW. Why didn’t we have a Naked LITA gimmick instead?

Mideon kisses Regal and… oh dear god how many times do we see Mideon’s balls and penis? Seriously. BALL AND PENIS FOR REAL. Hilarious watching Regal going for the Regal stretch but being horrified at the nakedness of Mideon, so he hits that cross arm sleeper drop thingymabob and pins him instead .

This was… disturbing. I don’t think I can even rate it.

Rating: N/R
CAL SCALE – 0

 at the Angle/Rock edited interview.

The Hardy Boys Vs Los Conquistadors – WWF Tag Team Championship Match

Si!

SPOILER! Los Conquistadors win the tag belts. They defend them on Raw the next night and beat Edge & Christian. They reveal themselves to be The Hardy Boys. So if Los Conquistadors are actually The Hardy Boys… then is this a Hardy Boys Vs Hardy Boys match? I AM IMMENSELY CONFULSEZZED!

Watching E&C trying to be “Lucha” wrestlers is hilarious. They just roll about and do dropkicks every now and then and act like they are the most awesome thing ever .

The actual match IS kinda dull. Absolutely nothing noteworthy really beyond the stuff with E&C trying desperately to look like Lucha wrestlers. Best part of the match is the commentary. JR just BLISTERS Los Conquistadors every chance he gets because he’s 100% certain they are Edge & Christian, while King gives them the benefit of the doubt and defends them at every turn .

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Triple H Vs Chris Benoit

BENOIT HEADBUTTED STEPHANIE! JUST WHAT IS THIS GUY CAPABLE OF? Oh yeah…

Only 2 matches left on the card, and this is one of them. WAI NO UNDERRTEKER? Seriously… where was he? I am not recalling him being “taken out” at this point in time. Where is Kane too for that matter? Naked fucking Mideon gets a title match and Undertaker & Kane miss the show? BULLSHIT.

HHH starts the match trying to “out wrestle” Benoit by doing some leg work. Looks good and shit but… doesn’t lead to anything… and doesn’t help HHH in the slightest. Benoit on the other hand works over the arm and shoulder, which DOES help him. But HHH makes a comeback and ignores it all anyway. Big reverse suplex AND a fucking superplex? With a “bad” arm? Bullshit.

In the end Stephanie (fap fap) is the one that is the difference maker and helps HHH win. TAKE THAT, POINTLESS LEG WORK!

This is eh. HHH stuff at the start is meaningless. Benoit control stuff is great, but HHH’s lack of fucking selling makes that meaningless. Stephanie showing up at the end to help HHH win makes, well, everything meaningless. Not a fan.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

The Rock Vs Kurt Angle – WWF Championship Match

Man, Rock is a fucking retard. Stephanie tries to jump in the ring at the start of the match, so Rock goes after her and Angle attacks him from behind to gain the early advantage. But WHY did Rock even bother going after Steph? Was he gonna hit a women? Well I wouldn’t put it past him because he’s a cunt and he’s done it before. Great babyface btw. But still… why bother? What was Steph gonna go? Attack him? MAN UP. Plus Stephanie attacking Rock would gain him a DQ win. Title: Retained. Dumb fuck.

Wait… this is No DQ? Well that changes things slightly. Steph could have attacked Rock and it wouldn’t have ended the match. But come on… it’s fucking Stephanie. What’s she gonna do to The Rock? One hard slap and she’s fucking out of it on the floor, leaving Rock to face Angle one on one. So Rock is still a dumb fuck. STEPHANIE looks hot as fuck.

NOOOOO!!!! NO ROCKY DAMMIT!!! Earl Hebner really didn’t want Rock to drive Angle’s balls into the ring post. I can only thing of disturbing reasons as to why that is.

Rock smashes Angle’s leg with a chair, locks in the Sharpshooter and Angle taps. But Earl is too busy eyeing up Stephanie. Can’t blame him. Look at Rock’s Sharpshooter or look at Stephanie?

Best sleeper hold/rest hold spot ever. Angle has the sleeper in, but the camera keeps showing Stephanie who is leaning over the apron in a low cut top. TITTIES~!

So Rock ends up Rock Bottoming Stephanie. Women beating piece of shit. At least the People’s Elbow was interrupted TWICE . HHH runs down, beats up Angle for letting it happen, then Pedigree’s The Rock for doing it. Stephanie is carried away.

RIKISHI IS BACK!!! Covered in blood and trying to help his friend The Rock retain the belt, but he keeps blasting The Rock instead, and Angle is able to capitalise and win the WWF Title!

Fun match. Not great, but fun. Angle does some good work, Rock… well Rock is Rock. Stephanie was the star of the match, but Angle held his own and Rock was just around to take the bumps and shit lol. Angle’s use of the suplexes are great in this match btw. He pretty much uses them as cut off moves any time Rock gets anything going. Why oh why couldn’t he have stuck to that formula? 

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

Overall CAL SCALE – 7

King of the Ring 2000

I do believe this might have been the first ever WWF DVD I bought.

Rikishi Vs Chris Benoit – King of the Ring Quarter Final Match

Not just your average tournament match here; both guys wanna kill each other. Which sucks for Rikishi because Benoit is known for it . Anyway. The Kish beat Benoit for the IC title recently, and Benoit was NOT happy about it so he beat the fuck out of the fat man with a chair and locked in the Crossface. Benoit ain’t done with Rikishi yet, and Rikishi is out for revenge.

Fuck me, Benoit just hit a German. As in he performed a German Suplex. He didn’t punch a German fan or anything. Yet.

Match doesn’t get much time because, you know, PPV tournament with other matches taking place too. So they essentially have a nice little sprint (yes, Rikishi in a sprint match) that I have always liked. These guys had good chemistry, though tbh most people had good chemistry with Benoit, and Rikishi worked well with just about everyone in 2000 too. Great TV stuff with the likes of Benoit, Eddie, Triple H, Val Venis and more plus some PPV stuff too (cage with Val is ).

Rikishi escapes a Crossface by using the ropes, and Benoit is fucked off. Chair shots and Benoit is DQ’d, allowing Rikishi to continue on in the tournament, but his arm is FUCKED. I mean damn, more colour than a Clown’s jizz.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

TONIGHT I AM JOE COOL. JOE COOL.

Eddie Guerrero Vs Val Venis – King of the Ring Quarter Final Match

Did anyone else really like Heel Val before he went Heel RTC Val? His feud with Rikishi was awesome, and VIOLENT, and awesomely violent. Made Val look legit. He had a great TV match against The Rock for the WWF Title when he was in the RTC soo and I would have loved for him to win (Rock hate aside, Val is just a great talent).

TRISH FAP FAP FAP TRISH. King rooting for Val so we get to see TRISH more tonight is great.

Eddie and Val are having a pretty good contest in the ring and the fans are chanting WE WANT PUPPIES. If it were LITA out there I’d be fine with it, but this is Val Vs fucking Eddie dammit. Stupid fans. Besides we’d probably end up with Chyna’s man boobs instead of Trish’s yummy women tits.

Match is just a fun back and forth contest that gets some not bad time all things considered. Plenty of cool moves and sequences but never feels like a move fest or any of that shit. Just some good old wrasslin.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 at Pat Patterson trying to find a women’s outfit for his match later.

Crash Holly Vs Bull Buchanan – King of the Ring Quarter Final Match

So Crash is the “upset” guy in this tournament, beating people to advance when nobody thought he would be able to. Albert, Hardcore Holly, and SPOILER Bull Buchanan.

Big Bull comes out to ONE MAN GANG’S theme song. Tis a killer little theme imo. But Bull isn’t a fatty so he isn’t as good. But he’s still good. I liked him. BRING BACK BULL. BRING BACK BULL. BRING BACK BULL.

So this is just a fun match with Bull bullying the little guy, and the little guy holding on until he can get a quick win that shocks the world.  at Crash getting the 3 count and already being at the top of the ramp way before Bull can react.

Rating: *1/4
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Linda manipulates Vince into making the main event a fair 3 on 3 tag instead of 12 on 3 like SD last week. Man, I remember that match, was shown in full on HEAT. I didn’t get to see Raw or SD at this time so Heat and the free PPV’s were all I could get, so having a full SD main event match with guys like THE UNDERTAKER involved was just fucking  for me.

Kurt Angle Vs Chris Jericho – King of the Ring Quarter Final Match

I predict the winner of this will win the entire tournament. GET ME ANOTHER BEAH.

 at Jericho trying to be funny and insulting, saying Kurt is the King of shitty things… but when he says “nerds” the crowd goes oddly quiet, almost as if a lot of them ARE nerds . I know I am! And Kurt isn’t my King.

Lionsault early into the match seems oddly placed, as in the odd placement of Kurt to take it so close to the ropes and shit. Ref counts to 2 then randomly stops. Kurt’s leg WAS on the ropes, but I seriously doubt he could have seen it given everyone’s position in the ring lol. TEDDY SCREWED JERICHO. HE’S GOT A FAMILY.

Fuck me, Teddy Long is terrible. I know people complain about Scott Armstrong’s counts, but shit, Teddy seems to fall asleep every time his hand hits the match, then wakes up and realises he has to do it again. SO FUCKING SLOW.

WELL GOSH DARN, that cut off clotheslines from Angle is just WOW. Speaking of WOW, STEPHANIE FAP FAP MCMAHON. Jericho kisses her because, well, who wouldn’t? Angle takes advantage and hits the Angle Slam to advance. I’d like to advance on Stephanie. Wink wink nudge nudge I wanna fuck her.

Solid match, best of the night so far.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

WWF NEW YORK. Shame it got too expensive for them as they slowly started to drop in ratings and not make as much money. FOLEY! With his new hair cut. Ivory is in the background getting Foley a drink and she is DESPERATE for attention. HEY MICK FOLEY. HEY MICK. I GOT YOU A DRINK MICK. Just take your top off and we’ll give you plenty of attention. Can’t hear a word Foley says. Crowd are chanting and shit so we don’t hear anything until the end.

Edge & Christian Vs 2 Cool Vs T&A Vs The Hardy Boys – Fatal Four Way Elimination WWF Tag Team Championship Match

2 COOL ARE THE TAG CHAMPS!!! HOW “COOL” IS THAT? Not very tbh. Nobody lost their pants to win so yeah, kinda sucked.

T&A deserved a title run, but I guess if you were going for “shock factor” with a random title change and quick title run, 2 Cool were the better choice as heels doing that wouldn’t have worked so well. And let’s face it, E&C, Hardys and Dudleys were the only teams getting any REAL title chances at this time. They ran the entire division all year, but it was great to see other teams come in every so often to break up those 3 main teams constantly facing each other. APA. T&A. 2 Cool. Head Cheese.

LITA LITA LITA LITA LITA LITA TRISH IS THERE TOO BUT FUCK HER LITA LITA LITA FAP FAP FAP. SHE’S WEARING SOME FURRY BRA THINGY. I WANNA FEEL IT. AND HER BOOBS TOO. GROPE~!

Man, everything T&A do just looks nasty. I swear half of their offense could be used as finishing moves for a lot of guys lol. I mean Test uses a fucking gutwrench powerbomb, and I remember LITA (FAP FAP FAP) kicking out of it at Fully Loaded! Swagger uses it and like, wins titles and shit. T&A end up getting eliminated first . Though the finish is pretty spectacular.

SCOTTY 2 HOTTY!  at him celebrating like crazy for hitting a shoulder block. Almost in a mocking heel way, but gets a huge pop because he’s the working WORM KING.

Poor King (Lawler), gets confused about the rules and claims it’s not good for 2 Cool to stay on the apron and let E&C and Hardys go at it because they could lose the match that way. IT’S ELIMINATION YOU DAFT OLD TIT.

LITA (FAP FAP FAPITY FAP) keeps getting involved in the match, but because she’s a face she gets away with it lol. Not that I could be mad at her for it . I talk way too much abou the divas that I should in these rambles.

Despite the sexiness of LITA, the Hardy Boys end up being eliminated anyway. Christian gives Matt the unprettier. If LITA got the unprettier she’d still be 1000x hotter than most of the divas.

 JR: “I wonder what Grand Master’s mommy and daddy think of that little move” King: “Well hahaha maybe you should ask them some time” . Always did amuse me when they did subtle references to Lawler being GMS’ dad.

 at Christian mocking the dance. He looked legit retarded. I mean 100% spastic retarded. He’ll never be a future World Champ.

Speaking of retarded… EDGE AND CHRISTIAN ATTEMPT A DOUBLE WORM!!! Only for Scotty to interrupt and do the ORIGINAL WORM INSTEAD!!! W! O! R! M! OOOO OOOO OOOOO!

The Worm isn’t enough though, and eventually E&C regain their belts. Fun, fun match. Nothing “great” about this as far as tag matches go, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t have a bunch of FUN watching it. Just wish T&A stayed longer, but it was understandable that they were the first to go.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Rikishi Vs Val Venis – King of the Ring Semi-Final Match

I’ve got a Semi-Final for LITA.

What?

TRISH.

Rikishi & Val . Damn, just realised that Fully Loaded hasn’t happened yet. These guys have been feuding for THREE WEEKS up to this point… and they still have another month before their big grudge match! Oh man I can’t wait for Fully Loaded. Cage. LITA & TRISH FAP. Last Man Standing. Rock Vs Benoit. APA. FALLING PANTS.

Match is a short, but fucking awesome, slugfest. Rikishi has the injured arm so Val goes after it, and Rikishi keeps trying to use his power to remain in the game. Val’s face when he’s on the ropes ready for the Money Shot and Rikishi gets back up is amazing. The Kish picks up the win, but damn, Val murders the shit out of the already injured arm. Crash Holly might have a chance at winning this thing once he gets past Kurt!!! 

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

WOULD YOU LIKE THE REGULAR PANTIES OR THE CROTCHLESS KIND? 

Crash Holly Vs Kurt Angle – King of the Ring Semi-Final Match

Angle gets a bit of a pop during his entrance and he looks fucking GOBSMACKED for a few seconds lol.

Crash and Angle actually have some nice chemistry. Didn’t they have a match on HEAT later in the year for the WWF title where Crash nearly won the damn thing? I seem to recall that being good. OMG I HAVE ALL OF HEAT 2000 ON MY PC.

Good back and forth match here. Crash didn’t look like a pushover which was kinda odd I guess but eh, Kurt gets the win and Crash doesn’t look like a total chump so I guess it’s fine. I liked it anyway. HUGE POP for Angle’s win too btw!

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Pat Patterson Vs Gerald Brisco – First Ever Hardcore Evening Gown Match

 this pic says it all:

 at Patterson in that wig 

HOLD IT! YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME!

Who the fuck thought this shit up? 

Brisco coming out to Real American .

HE’S A REAL AMERICAN, BROTHER. 

 Patterson is loving this way too much. I wonder why… .

I WILL LAY DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING. YOU CAN GET ON TOP OF ME… 

SHE LIKES IT 

This entire thing is DUMB. RETARDED. STUPID. INSANE. Yet it’s insanely hilarious . BIG HUGE MAXI PADS 

2 old guys in drag beating the hell out of each other over the Hardcore title… and Crash Holly shows up and steals it back anyway .

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

The Dudley Boys Vs X-Pac, Road Dogg & Tori – Handicap Dumpster Tables Match

So for DX to win, they gotta put both Dudley’s in the Dumpster and close the lids. For Teh Dudlely Boys to win they gotta drive all 3 members of DX, Tori included, through a table!

TORI. She was hot. Underrated hot diva. Remember her outfit from WM 15? God awful match but DAMN what an outfit. Remember when she was the NINJA women helping Raven? That angle went NOWHERE.

Best part of the match is Devon doing the WAASSSSSUP thing right into Tori’s vag and just keeping his head there after he lands . Fucking perve. Lucky perve, but a perve non the less. SHE MAY NEED THE BOOBOO KISSED!

Before the vag headbutt, I genuinely couldn’t tell you anything that happened. After that, shit kicks off and the tables and dumpsters and shit come into play! DX trap those damn Dudley’s in the dumpster, but instead of winning, the ref is checking on Tori’s vag and doesn’t see! Dudley’s escape through the conveniently placed side hatches and surprise DX with chair shots. Thankfully nobody surprises me with chair shots. They just surprise me by never doing anything nice .

Road Dogg’s table spot is cool. 2 tables stacked, Powerbomb off the steel steps over the ropes to the floor where the tables are. Me likey.

X-Pac gets superplexed through a table… and now that leaves TORI FAP FAP. So she runs into the dumpster to escape. Dudley’s follow her, most likely to rape her inside it or something. DX hit them with chairs, they fall in and DX win, but don’t know that Tori is inside!

3-D to DX, and Tori is alone again and she gets some Bubba Wood. This is tremendous fun, but only after the vagbutt. Everything before then I just can’t remember, and everything after is just table and dumpster spots. Not good, but fun.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

Rikishi Vs Kurt Angle – King of the Ring Finals

OWEN HART MENTION~!

No Billy Gunn mention. Or Shamrock. THEY WERE GOOD KINGS TOO. 

The Kish does a pretty sweet job selling his arm. Modifies his offense to compensate for the injury, sells it constantly. RIKISHI KICKED OUT OF THE OLYMPIC SLAM!

Is this the first instance of an Angle opponent going to the ropes for no real reason only to take a super overhead belly to belly? Damn you Rikishi!!! You started a terrible thing! You deserved to lose this match! Fat fucker.

Angle wins. Big pop. Good match.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

The Undertaker, Kane & The Rock Vs Triple H, Shane McMahon & Vince McMahon – WWF Championship

6 man tag, where the title can change hands even if Shane or Vince get pinned!

I’M NOT IN A CORNER! YOU’RE NOT IN A CORNER AND YOU’RE NOT IN A CORNER! Vince looks high.

SHANE’S A PUSSY~!

So he attacks Kane to prove everyone wrong. Kane gives Shane a free shot. Don’t do NUFFIN. This is filled with pure FUN SCHTICK. Shane is the non wrestler, Kane is monster. Shane tries to avoid Kane at all costs. Kane wants to kill Shane at all costs. YEY!

The The Rock ruins it by tagging in. Shane keeps up the awesomeness though. UNDERTAKER TAGS IN!!!

SHANE HAS HAD A TASTE OF ALL 3 OF HIS ADVERSARIES TONIGHT. Uhhh…

Undertaker’s one arm Chokeslams are awesome. Undertaker covers Shane and… The Rock ruins it by breaking it up. FUCK YOU ROCK. YOU RUIN EVERYTHING YOU CUNT.

Weird back body drop to HHH where he practically STICKS to Undertaker so ‘Taker has to power him over.

Ha, Rock gets what’s coming to him with a 3 on 1 beatdown on the outside after he went ribs first into the announce table. What a cunt.

 Rock kicks out fo a Pedigree and the fans react like nothing happened. NOBODY LIKES YOU ROCK.

Rock is the pathetic loser who gets beat down by the heels. LOL. He gets owned by Vince and Shane. Vince pinned Rock on SD. Enters an elite group including such greats as The Hurricane. Eventually Undertaker and Kane get fed up of seeing Rock nearly lose constantly, so they attack Vince and Shane.

OMG KANE ATTACKED THE UNDERTAKER! Then he breaks up a People’s Elbow and Chokeslams The Rock. All is forgiven! 

HHH thinks Kane has joined them. But nah, he just wants the title for himself and took his partners out so they can’t stop him! TOMBSTONE TO TRIPLE H!

Undertaker murders his brother, then catches Shane on the ropes an decides to fucking Chokeslam him to hell and back. CHOKESLAM OFF THE ROPES THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!!! THIS IS AWESOME CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP THIS IS AWESOME CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP.

Rock Bottom to Vince in the ring and… The Rock wins the title. By beating old man Vince. OH MY GOD HOW AWESOME AND GREAT IS THE ROCK FOR DOING THAT? HE BEAT AN OLD MAN FOR THE WWF TITLE WHAT A FUCKING LEGEND. YOU TWAT.

Such fun to be had here. I like how they work the story of Taker, Kane and Rock not really being on the same team because they are all trying to win the title, so they refuse to tag in and out and shit. Then it all comes to blows at the end. Shane is awesome in this. His schtick at the start with Kane was great. Plenty of good moments from him and then THAT CHOKESLAM. Vinnie Mac kinda does nothing but lose though.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

Overall CAL SCALE – 14.5

SummerSlam 2000

I said in my Unforgiven 00 ramblings yesterday that the summer of 2000 was soooo much fun. So figured I’d watch SummerSlam.

Rikishi & 2 Cool Vs Right to Censor

Rikishi & 2 Cool have a couple of HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOs with them. One of them is Victoria.

SCOTTY CROSSBODY.

Did you say SCOTTY CROSSBODY?

Yes, yes he did.

Ouch at a bump the Goodfather takes over the ropes. Something gets caught and then snaps when he least expects it to and he just flops down to the floor with a splat. So he pushes the HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOs down as revenge. Then trips over GMS in the ring as he goes to make a tag .

Rikishi is the guy that gets the hot tag and throws RTC around, and Steven Richards tries to run for it, only to be thrown back in by the HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOs. He doesn’t know how lucky he is, do you have any idea how much you gotta pay to have a HOOOOOOOOOOOO get rough with you? Neither do I of course. Andy told me. Honest. *runs*

Rikishi launching 2 Cool arse first into people is awesome.

Remember that WWF Title match on the first SD with HHH and The Rock (first SD either the pilot episode or the first official episode, I forget which) with HBK as the guest referee? Well picture Steven Richards as HBK (which is mildly amusing to me because I remember he came into the WWE as a HBK impersonator lol) and Scotty 2 Hotty as The Rock and The Worm as The People’s Elbow. SUPERKICK! RTC win.

Fun opener, nothing more. Nobodies pants fell down so I just can’t rate it that high.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Kurt Angle arrives at the arena earlier. Then Stephanie does. She looks smoking hot. Kurt Angle goes into her locker room. 3 days after he kissed her. HE GONNA GET HIM SOME.

Road Dogg Vs X-Pac

OH YOU DIDN’T KNOW? I quite liked the feud between these 2. Starts off with the “friendly rivalry”, then “accidentally” gets more physical and before long they wanna go at it. X-Pac may have had the so called X-Pac heat (you know, where as a heel he got booed and shit…), but I loved him and Road Dogg too. Road Dogg should have been given a singles push at this time imo. IC title FTW. Always thought he was underrated in the ring, and listening to his shoots over the years I think even HE underrates his own ability. Terry Funk once said he could have been the single greatest promo guy ever if he didn’t stick with his same schtick every night, and I can’t say I disagree with THE FUNKER.

OMG X-PAC IS GETTING X-PAC SUCKS CHANTS HE’S GETTING SOME MAJOR X-PAC HEAT RIGHT NOW OMG.

A couple of nice spots here and there playing off the fact they know each other really well, but the match overall isn’t anything special. Not that it’s bad, because it’s not, it’s just a filler mid-card match that honestly didn’t get the time and attention that I personally think it should have gotten. It was fucking DX guys fighting each other. Could have done more with it imo.

Road Dogg turns on X-Pac afterwards because X-Pac cheated to win, and thus begins Road Dogg’s rise to… nowhere . I still enjoy this though.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

JR tells us where he ate last night. Thanks JR. I’ve just eaten right now. And it’s almost come back up because Chyna is on screen. Urgh. Things pick up when Trish appears. FAP FAP not as hot as Lita FAP FAP.

Val Venis & Trish Stratus Vs Eddie Guerrero & Chyna – Intercontinental Championship

Tag match for the IC title. Eddie & Chyna can pin either opponent to win the belt. But Trish can’t win it for herself if she pins someone. Shame. Trish as IC champ in 2000 would have been hilarious.

I KEEP THINKING SOMEONE IS KNOCKING AT THE DOOR BUT IT’S THOSE LETTERS FLYING ACROSS THE SCREEN ISN’T IT?

Lawler has lost it. But he recovers by implying he wants to fuck Trish. Nice save, Jerry. And nice ass, Trish.

Damn, Chyna has some pretty sweet looking… CLOTHESLINES. You sick freaks who thought I was gonna say something else. I’d say it LOOKED like she nearly beheaded poor Val a few times, but she probably nearly did for real because she doesn’t strike me as being a good enough worker to make those looks painful without actually being painful.

Eddie gets the hot tag and takes it to Val, then almost instinctively runs to attack the person on the apron which in this case happens to be Trish. He doesn’t hit her, instead he kinda thrusts his penis in her direction and goes back to attacking Val .

Trish comes in right at the end, gets a 2 count on Eddie get takes an awesome bump when she clotheslines Chyna. Yep, she clotheslines Chyna and takes the bump. Not a botch, just showing that she’s no match for Chyna. Body press slam later and… Chyna is the IC champ. Again. Val is pissed off. Trish got some apologising to do!

Good match. Even with the bulk of it being Chyna in the ring it still has VAL doing his shit and then Eddie in parts. Plus Trish looks fucking smoking hot. I like this one. I like Trish too.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

Chyna likes Mick Foley’s worm. Foley steals cookies from a fan. I wish WWF New York was still around. Looked like the most awesome place ever.

Stephanie backstage. She liked Kurt’s kiss. She’s hot.

JR is talking about sweets. He has a jar of them on the table.

Jerry “The King” Lawler Vs Tazz

Damn, Tazz’s insults about JR’s bells palsy are really below the belt. Bet Vince had a hand in those promos. Feud is pretty much JR Vs Tazz with Lawler coming to Ross’ aid.

Match is definitely better than their UF match. Lots of great punches from one of the best punchers in the business, and Tazz ain’t no slouch with everything he does either. Don’t like the Piledriver no sell spot here just as I hated it at IF. Though Tazz almost saved it with the FUCK YOU to Lawler afterwards lol.

Tazzmission to Lawler while the ref is down, so JR… FUCKING JR  grabs the formally mentions sweetie jar and smashes it over Tazz’s face and Lawler gets the win!!! Crowd absolutely ERUPT when JR does it. Awesome.

Fun match. Short and to the point. Good for what it was. Me likey.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

Shane McMahon Vs Steve Blackman – Hardcore Championship

. GOAT Hardcore champion Steve Blackman (who isn’t the champ going into this match though) and Shane “bump like a crazy mofo” McMahon… in a HARDCORE MATCH? YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

 at the opening spot. Blackman gives Shane the Kendo stick, turns his back and offers a free shot. Except Blackman is facing the fucking TITANTRON so he can see Shane coming and block the shot. SHANE O’MAC GONNA GET HIS ASS KICK, SHANE O’MAC GONNA GET HIS WIG SPLIT.

JR and Lawler are just having so much fucking fun on commentary. I miss those days.

Blackman is having so much fun in the ring too. Mainly with sticks and a trash can/trash can lid. The hardcore title division really was PERFECT for a guy like Blackman. He wasn’t a colourful guy with great mic skills, but he got over like a motherfucker by hitting people with weapons and that’s essentially what the hardcore division was all about.

Test and Albert show up to save Shane, and Lawler think’s it’s Edge & Christian . So who did he mistake Albert for? Edge? Christian? LOL!

Blackman gets gang raped by 3 guys, but manages to stay alive and eventually mounts some offense and takes out fucking everyone! Damn, this really, really put over both Blackman and the Hardcore title. Kinda wish they took it a little more seriously but ah well. Certainly the funnest title belt ever imo.

So everyone knows the finish. Shane tries to escape Blackman by climbing the staging, which is super fucking high, and Blackman follows him and knocks him off!!! AMAZING SPOT. I still remember seeing it for the first time. Rewound that VHS so many damn times that night! And THEN Blackman drops an elbow onto Shane afterwards? Like he fucking needed to? Awesome. Blackman wins back HIS title. Immensely fun match. Super awesome. Great finish too.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 at how many signs are in the crowd that say *insert name here* is gay. Ahhh the AE. Full of homophobic cunts! These days we get Darren Young Is Gay signs and it’s a good thing! 

Stephanie is upset after what happened to Shane, and Angle comes to hug her. Foley walks in and catches them and Angle practically throws himself into a wall .

Chris Jericho Vs Chris Benoit – 2 out of 3 falls Match

I like a LOT of matches between these guys. I enjoyed their feud in 00/01. I just never liked THIS match. Hope this watch changes my mind tbh.

Starts off GOOD. They hate each other so they just charge at each other fists a flying. Hell even the ref ends up taking a pretty sick bump to the floor when he gets caught between them. Lands right on his HEAD. Speaking of, FLAPJACK INTO THE RING POST. Benoit is super. Jericho’s head is super broken.

First fall isn’t long, with Jericho tapping out to the Crossface. However it WAS a good fall. Plenty of fucking HATE~!

Second fall starts with Benoit locking in the Crossface again straight away. Yet this time Jericho manages to hold on even longer… AND get to the ropes. Uhhh ok. Makes no sense lol.

Benoit dominates the second fall, and I kinda love Jericho’s comebacks. Nothing but SLAPS TO THE FUCKING FACE. Didn’t care for the finish of the second fall. Jericho gets his arm worked over the entire second fall yet somehow manages to apply the Walls of Jericho no problem, hold Benoit in the hold and make him tap. Uhhhh ok.

So yeah, still don’t think much to this match. First fall is great. It’s full of HATE~! and doesn’t last long because honestly it didn’t need to. They both went all out to kill each other and in a situation like that a fight wouldn’t last too long either. Second fall sees Benoit work the arm of Jericho, and it’s ok, but not awe-inspiring or anything. Finish was shitty. 3rd fall is Jericho trying everything he can to keep the momentum up from the second fall victory… and that’s about it. A couple of big moves with some filler then Benoit wins. Eh. First fall is honestly the only fall that mattered. Disappointed yet again despite going into the match remembering it not being that good.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Edge & Christian Vs The Hardy Boys Vs The Dudley Boys – TLC Tag Team Titles Match

First ever TLC match . This was when guys going out and falling off ladders through tables was new and fun. In WWF anyway. WM 2000 triangle ladder match was essentially a TLC match minus the TLC name. And it was awesome. A big fan of it I am. Much prefer that to the same kind of match a year later at WM 17 (aka TLC II). This one though? Always had a high opinion of it. Better than the WM 2000 match? Never really sure. Time to find out!

WM 2000 match provided plenty of new, unique spots due to having 3 teams in a ladder match. They slowly used tables and chairs in that one, but here all 3 are main parts of the match so everything is brought in pretty much straight away allowing for MOAR spots using them, which is super fun for the fans watching! Don’t like Lawler calling E&C the chairmen of the WWE. STEALINGZ LA PARKA’S GIMMICK!!! Hey Jesse; La Parka Vs Christian. Just throwing it out there. Go fap over the thought of it or something. You’re welcome .

Do these guys care? Do they give a flying fuck in the slightest? Seriously? Do they remotely give a damn about their own fucking HEALTH? Because good god, I cringed numerous times at some of the spots here. Jeff happily flies off a ladder onto another ladder and lands oh so wrong on it. Matt nearly gets his face crushed in the same spot that WOULD crush poor Mercury’s face 6 years later. Everyone just gets HURT and take so many stupid yet awesome looking risks. Bubba going off the ladder over the ropes through 4 tables is awesome. And leads to a feud between The Dudley Boys and Kai-En-Tai. Doesn’t get better than that. *Japanese Accent* THREEEE DEEEEE!

LITA LITA LITA LITA LITA LITA FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP LITA LITA FAP FAP FAP LITA LITA FAP FAP. She knocks E&C crotch first off the ladder. So Edge Spear’s her in return. CROTCH. SPEAR. EDGE. LITA. I GET IT!!!

Match holds up pretty damn good. Far better than TLC II ever could. Even though every spot has been done a billion times now, there is just something about THIS match that keeps me loving everything time and time again. Crazy spots, LITA, fun, entertaining, sick bumps. You name it this match has it. Jeff and Devon battling over the title belts while HANGING FROM THEM is awesome. Not sure still if I like it more than WM 2000 though lol .

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

The Kat Vs Terri – Thong Stinkface Match

Yes, this is a thing. And my thing is loving The Kat. Terri has a good body but fuck, her face looks like 100 years old.

It’s terrible, oobviously but I can’t hate it. I just can’t. 2 hot women trying to shove their arses in each other’s face. I just can’t hate that.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

The Undertaker Vs Kane

The fuck was this feud all about? I AM A MONSTER! And that’s the ONLY explanation we got for Kane turning on Undertaker. HUH? Aside from the dumb logic I enjoyed everything they did. CHOKESLAM THROUGH THE RING .

So 2 big bastards beat the shit out of each other. Yeah I’m down with that. Aside from trying to punch Kane’s face to death he also keeps trying to get the mask off, which just angers Kane. The guy who CHOKESLAMMED HIM THROUGH THE RING. Not wise lol. Poor Kane ends up taking 2 sick looking shots to the face from the steel steps. Ouch. Kane gets busted open and I’m not entirely sure it was a blade job tbh.

They brawl some more and then Undertaker pulls the mask off and Kane runs to the back covering his face. Ok. Fun brawl, but that’s about it. Their NOC FIGHT was better than this imo, and of course WM 14 was better because that was awesome. And SD 08 too duh.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

The Rock Vs Triple H Vs Kurt Angle – WWF Championship

Storyline going into this was AWESOME. Loved it. Adored it. Masturbated to (Stephanie) it. Then this match happened. And it almost ruined everything because it fucking SUCKED. Will I like it more this time around? Probably not but hey, optimising and shit!

HHH and Angle fight while The Rock, the uber babyface, the people’s champion, the WWF champion, sits in the back like a fucking coward because he doesn’t want to fight 2 men. Pathetic. Angle goes head first into the floor when the announce table dies on him during a Pedigree and is legit knocked out. And this is where Angle’s brain dies and he slowly starts becoming an annoying fucker in the ring who couldn’t tell a damn story to save his fucking life unless someone smart was wrestling with him (Benoit WAS smart but we all know what was up with HIS brain so I guess we can excuse him there. Wrestling wise, not family murdering wise, obviously).

So with Angle taken out, Rock decides to show his face finally. Cowardly cunt.

DAMN, Stephanie looks smoking fucking hot. She comes down to the ring after Kurt gets taken away and her tits just bounce all the way down the ramp as she walks. She also decks HHH in the face with the title belt. GOAT DIVA NOT NAMED LITA (FAP FAP). OR MICKIE JAMES (FAP FAP). OR TRISH (FAP FAP).

HHH is a cunt. An absolute cunt. He sends Stephanie away . Now I’m stuck watching him pretend he’s awesome and The Rock pretending he’s a wrestler. Bah.

I like how the match is No DQ but JR is going fucking apeshit because HHH uses the Sledgehammer. Like the RR street fight with the barbed wire 2×4. IT’S NO DQ JR, SLEDGEHAMMER AND BARBED WIRE 2X4 ARE PERFECTLY LEGAL. Good job he’s the most awesome commentator of all time or I’d rip him a new one.

Fuck me this is DULL. HHH and Rock, ok, aren’t my favourites. Rock is right there as one of my least favourites ever, if not THE. But in 2000 they did have great chemistry. Backlash match is AWESOME. JD Iron Man is AWESOME. I thought an hour long match involving ROCK AND HHH was awesome. That’s insane, but true. Yet here, these guys just fucking BLOW. And not in the way I want Stephanie to blow (me).

STEPHANIE HOT TITS IS BACK FAP FAP FAP!!! Dammit she’s brought Angle back too. BOOOO. Stephanie should be PUNISHED for that. I’ll do it.

So Stephanie FAP FAP HOT TITS uses her sexy body to convince Angle to come back and help HHH. So Kurt comes back and screws HHH out of the title. LOL. So HHH decks her pretty little face. What a women beating cunt. Steve Austin would never do that! Oh wait…

Rock wins. Fun times were had by nobody. This sucked. They had a better triple threat on both Raw and Smackdown around this time.

Rating: *1/2
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Overall CAL SCALE – 13

Unforgiven 2000

Was gonna watch JD 00 but couldn’t be arsed to get off my arse and get the DVD, so this will do since it’s on my PC.

The Dudley Boys & APA Vs Right to Censor

They show a video before the match to explain why this match is happening. Also includes the APA dancing with 2 Cool. Bradshaw attempts a Spinaroonie. My eyes bleed. And yet it was awesome.

Anyone else kinda miss Bull Buchanan? He was a big guy who could really move and actually looked to have some talent. If only he came around 5 years later we could have gotten Bull Vs Undertaker over on SD instead of fucking Luther Reigns or some shit. Could give the Heidenrape matches some competition. Alas such a thing never happened and could never happen as I’d have better things to do should I ever invent that time machine. Any day now I swear!

RTC should reform in WWE right now. They could come out every week and fuck shit up any time they think someone is doing something non-PG. Epic heat.

Damn this match is filled with a bunch of rough and tough bastards who enjoy pummelling each other and hitting as many back suplexes as possible. And Steven Richards too of course. Val too maybe, but he’s more rough and tough than fucking Stevie. Fuck Steve btw. Fuck him to hell. I hate that name. Big Bald Bastard Steve. My now former boss was called Steve. I wanna put him through a table.

Superkick by Steven Cunt and Val gets the win for his team, but everyone keeps fighting anyway and Steven Cunt gets the fuck beaten out of him (I swear Bradshaw stiffs the ever loving fuck out of him with a punch to the face and then a kick to the back lol) and then powerbombed through a table.

Match is short and fun. No STF or any of that nonsense, just 8 men brawling.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

HHH is backstage with his main squeeze telling her how he’s gonna destroy Kurt Angle tonight. Stephanie says she’s sorry she ever defended Kurt and shit. Next month she manages him when he becomes the WWF Champion. Lying bitch.

Jerry “The King” Lawler Vs Tazz – Leather Strap Match

JR trash talking Tazz is probably the best part of this match. “YOU’RE WRESTLING LAWLER, NOT ME, YOU’RE WRESTLING LAWLER IN A STRAP MATCH YOU IDIOT!” 

Fans are weird for this match. PPV is in Philly so obviously they have that Pro-ECW guys shit going on, but Tazz is supposed to be the heel and Lawler the face, and they don’t really seem to know what to do lol.

Tazz no sells the Piledriver. Twice. Gets up after the third one too but falls down. What? How did Lawler agree to do that spot lol.

RAVEN! Huge pop for Raven screwing the babyface lol.

Another short but fun match. JR was the MVP of it lol.

Rating: *1/2
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Austin arrives backstage. Tells Kevin Kelly that tonight HE’S asking the questions. Then doesn’t ask any questions but throws KK into the wall.

Steve Blackman Vs Al Snow Vs Crash Holly Vs Perry Saturn Vs Test Vs Funaki – Hardcore Championship Invitational Match

Al Snow . As the Europeans champion he’s decided to represent a different European country every match. Tonight he’s Italy. DEAD FISH. Al Snow’s career sleeps with the fishes.

Similar to WM 2000 hardcore match, except only 10 minutes this time around and fewer people. No Mean Street Posse or Viscera already makes this shit in comparison.

SATURN JUST GAVE TRISH HEAD. AND NOW TEST GAVE TERRI HEAD. AND NOW AL HAS HEAD. Why is everyone getting head but me? 

Speaking of head, I think Crash’s just got broken. Hurricanrana from the ropes was supposed to either actually happen or be reversed into a powerbomb. Neither quite happen and Crash crashes head first into the mat. Poor guy.

 the camera cuts in this are hilarious. One second Al Snow has a fucking butterfly net or something going after Crash… then it switches to someone else and when we come back to them, Al is using a steel chair instead. Few moments later and… Al is holding his eyes and fuck knows why.

You know how WWE have *insert weapon here* matches? Well I want a trash can lid match. Those things sound AMAZING and you can really fucking go all out hitting someone in the head without hurting them too much. Perfect PG gimmick match.

 Test sells a shot to the head from a fucking PIZZA BOX.

Blackman was awesome. Give him a big stick and plenty of people to take shots and I  like fuck. He made the fucking Hardcore title CREDIBLE during his reign. Something that the title never had the moment Foley lost it the first time.

With 30 seconds left Blackman regains the belt (Crash got it first, then Saturn), and with everyone trying to win nobody will let anyone else get a pin so Blackman is able to survive. FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN.

So this match was fun and stuff. Love me some WWF 2000 Hardcore Title Matches.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

KURT ANGLE AND STEVE AUSTIN FIRST EVER BACKSTAGE SEGMENT . Austin’s isn’t as big as Kurt’s. So Austin is gonna store his inside Kurt’s ass.

HE’S TALKING ABOUT GOLD MEDALS. Perverts.

X-Pac Vs Chris Jericho

Oh man, the video package showing X-Pac attacking Jericho is awesome. X-Pac fucking DECKS Jericho RIGHT IN THE FACE with some nunchucks. I mean fucking BAM. BAM IN THE FACE. Looked amazingly brutal. Mr Paddy used to think nunchucks were made up .

Oh man, Jericho is fucking PISSED to start the match off, so he gets in the ring like a house on fire (which is apparently pissed off and dying to get hold of someone to beat them up) and… HEADLOCK! 

Ok so the headlock was more a case of just trying to fucking catch and hold on to the quick little X-Pac bastard so he could pummel his face in.

So this is like, really fucking good. Lots of old fashioned HATE~! with both men trying to kill each other within the limitations of a basic one on one match. Hell even a sleep hold by X-Pac at one point looks deadly lol.

X-Factor gets a rather splendid near fall, and even the referee falls on his arse out of pure shock that the match didn’t end lol!!! In the end Jericho is the winner, but he’s still in a bad mood. Then he’s nearly murdered when X-Pac smacks him in the back of the head with the nunchucks LOL. Don’t remember this match being so good!

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

COMMISSIONER FOLEY AND KURT ANGLE BACKSTAGE SEGMENT . Kurt reveals he has the shits at the Olympics. We don’t hear about that too often do we? It’s always the “BROKEN FREAKIN’ NECK” crap. Well I want more “BURNING FUCKIN’ HOLE”.

Urgh, Rock and Austin segment. SAVED BY JOE!!! Joe who, you ask? Just Joe. He’s a sorry son of a bitch. So Austin kills him. Someone has anger management problems.

Edge & Christian Vs The Hardy Boys – Steel Cage Tag Team Championship Match

Another match like the previous one where everyone fucking hates each other and… THEY SHOW THE HATE IN THE MATCH. RIGHT FROM THE START. How often these days do we get people who hate each other going out and doing fancy moves and reversals instead of, oh I don’t know, KILLING EACH OTHER? Can you imagine Punk/Lesnar from SummerSlam being a pure wrestling match? 

E&C get fucking murdered right from the start and just can’t get anything going, until Jeff’s insane mind causes him to go for a Swanton off the top of the cage early on, allowing Edge to push him off to the floor! Jeff has been eliminated from the match and now this is a handicap match! Good strategy by E&C, even if Matt Hardy proceeds to murder them single handedly for the first few minutes .

I like (aka fucking hate) how Jeff just stands around on the outside watching Jeff get beat down. Uhhh… NO DQ, Jeff? GET BACK IN YOU TWAT.

He finally attempts to climb back in, but E&C find ways to smash him back to the floor. Good shizzle. Jeff takes a bunch of insane bumps despite now being OUTSIDE of the cage lol.

Jeff attacks the ref on the outside who has the key to the cage door, and throws a chair into the ring… only for E&C to get it and smash the cage door into his face then find a new chain and padlock to lock the door again. WELL DONE JEFF .

Matt takes a heluva beating in the cage, bleeds some too. E&C do a real sweet job mauling him. Loved the Poetry in Motion while mat was against the cage. His face gets SMASHED into the cage legit.

A comeback from Matt, and a ladder from Jeff help the Hardy’s get back into the match, and holy fuck, we get what might be Jeff’s best high risk bump thingy ever when he LITA IS HERE!!! FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP!!! She climbs the cage and gives Christian a fucking hurricanrana off the ladder to the floor!

 Edge launches a chair right into Jeff’s face and I don’t think he quite managed to get his hands up in time. Great stuff. Speaking of great stuff, LITA . And the finish too. E&C “get theirs” and the Hardy Boys pick up the win and the tag belts, getting some redemption for all the shit E&C have put them through for the majority of the year. Excellent match.

JR: “AND YOU’VE GOT TO GIVE IT TO LITA”. Oh I’d love to, Jim. I really fucking would. DAMN YOU CM PUNK! AND EDGE! AND MATT HARDY! AND PROBABLY A “FEW” OTHERS. LITA IS A WHORE. I still want her .

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

Steve Austin shows up looking for HHH and finds Stephanie. She has the hat he wore when he got ran over. Austin is sarcastically happy.

COMMISSIONER FOLEY AGAIN . HHH tells him he’s gonna destroy Angle. They mock how he cried at the Olympics. Foley doesn’t care what happens in the match since it’s no DQ.

Michael Cole had replaces Lawler on commentary after his strap match. Apparently he was doing so bad they got Lawler back out lol. No wonder Cole turned heel. Took him a while, but still .

Eddie Guerrero Vs Rikishi – Intercontinental Championship Match

“EDDIE JUST SPRAYED SOMETHING IN RIKISHI’S FACE!!!”

Eddie trying to break into the Playboy Mansion was hilarious. I don’t blame him either. BURN THOSE NUDES.

 the video package makes Chyna look retarded. Eddie was making her entire life miserable for ages, but once he popped the question she says yes (while CRYING) and everything is fucking hunky and dory. Women and rings. Whores.

JR trying to sell us Chyna’s Playboy issue just doesn’t work. For starters, it’s Chyna naked. Secondly it’s JIM ROSS telling us how sexy it is. I’d struggle to keep it up even if it was LITA (FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP) in Playboy with JR talking about it .

Pretty certain the video package for this match (which focuses very little on Eddie/Rikishi) takes up about 10 sodding minutes.

 at how Eddie reacts to nearly getting crushed by Rikishi’s ass. IT NEARLY KILLED ME!

He tries to leave but Chyna pushes him back to the ring and throws him back to Rikishi. What a bitch. He buys her a ring and she wants to see him squashed by a fatty. Then she drags Eddie out of the ring to avoid a stinkface. MAKE YO MIND UP BIACH.

THE NEVER ENDING CRACK.

Rikishi’s head pretty much breaks the steel steps.

Match is pretty much an Eddie squash match… where Eddie gets squashed by Rikishi. Then Rikishi beats up a women (well, Chyna, but you get the point).

Strange match, but was all to put over the Eddie/Chyna break up angle. I dunno, I think I kinda liked it all tbh lol. No wonder the video package before hand was so long, it had to be to explain what was happening and so you would understand the match. Whole thing probably shouldn’t have been as long but hey, it’s Eddie being a hilarious prick so I’ll let it pass .

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Undertaker is gonna take everyone on a ride tonight but they ain’t gonna like it.

Kurt Angle is breaking down backstage. Trish and her tits show up, and Kurt runs away. LOL.

Kurt Angle Vs Triple H – Special Referee Mick Foley – No DQ Match

WWF 2000 was just so damn fun, especially during the summer and this feud was a huge part of it.

Angle burriez HHH with his own Sledgehammer AND makes out with Stephanie? Lucky cunt.

Kurt Angle’s brilliant idea to make up to Stephanie after sexually assaulting her (possibly multiple times, we never did find out what happened after SummerSlam…) is to sing Happy Birthday to her. Never worked for me and doesn’t work for Kurt.

Lawler: “Hey Foley, I know it’s No DQ, but does that mean anything goes?”

Some fun brawling early on. Angle goes after the injured ribs, HHH fires back with punches that don’t look quite as bad as usual. Then Angle catches HHH with an overhead belly to belly and THE GAME is fucked. Foley nearly gets into a fight with Angle giving HHH some time to breath… until he gets another suplex from Angle .

The brawling gets progressively worse as things go on, and we also get some hilarious miss-timed spots. HHH attempts a swinging neck breaker but Kurt just keeps on running the ropes .

They do a nice little callback thingymajig with HHH going for a Pedigree on the announce table, as he did it at SS and it knocked Angle legit out. This time though Angle counters and hits an overhead belly to belly . Angle does it so he doesn’t fall back as it would probably kill him, but in the process he loses his balance and nearly crushes HHH’s head with his foot as he falls off the other table . And that was after HHH slipped and fell on Kurt after taking a low blow (which is how Angle countered the attempted Pedigree). 

This whole thing just turns DULL. Reaally fucking dull. Time passes and I couldn’t tell you a damn thing that happens until Angle went for the Moonsault.  at Stephanie’s low blow to Kurt. Pedigree and HHH wins. Stephanie looks conflicted. She helped her HUSBAND win a match against the guy who MIGHT HAVE RAPED HER and she isn’t sure if she did the right thing. Fucking women, man. LITA (FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP) is the only one who isn’t insane on this show. Except for the insane bump she took, but she did that for her tag team with no conflicted feelings and shit.

Horrible match overall.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

SHANE MCMAHON! He claims he has video footage of who ran over Steve Austin! He shows footage of Blackman running over Ken Shamrock. Which somehow proves Blackman did it. Shane is just racist.

STUNNER TO BLACKMAN. STUNNER TO SHANE WHO SPIRTS OUT BEER. Fun segment.

Rock cuts a promo. Something about nipples and funny feelings.

The Undertaker Vs The Rock Vs Kane Vs Chris Benoit – WWF Championship Match

I don’t recall this match being anything special whatsoever, but I DO recall getting a bunch of good TV matches out of it with all the guys facing each other on a couple of occasions and shit. Rock/Kane in particular having a handful of really good matches. And of course we also got 2 Undertaker/Benoit matches on TV out of it too, though Undertaker wasn’t up to really giving us anything special at the time .

Loved me some American Bad Ass theme song for ‘Taker at this time. Better than Rollin’. Not as good as YOU’RE GONNA PAY, YOU’RE GONNA PAY, THERE’S NO FORGIVENESS THIS TIME.

Anyone remember that Benoit guy? Apparently he was pretty good. But he got released in 07 and left on such bad terms WWE prefer not to mention him.

Typical 4 way match. Everyone spends time with everyone at some point and it’s just one massive brawl usually with 2 guys in the ring and 2 on the floor. Ref gets taken out and Undertaker, the BABYFACE, brings in a chair and cracks Rock in the head . Then Benoit does the same to Undertaker and WINS THE WWF TITLE!!!!!!!! BENOIT IS CHAMP! BENOIT IS CHAMPION!

Then Foley comes out and ruins the whole thing because Undertaker’s foot was on the ropes. I wish they’d make up their minds with the instant reply lol. Sometimes they’ll do it, other times they’ll ignore the shit out of it .

Bit with Benoit turning around and seeing the other 3 guys in a line waiting to beat the fuck out of him was awesome.

Match actually really picks up following the false Benoit finish. Everyone gets more intense and really lay it in to each other. Then of course they go into a nice finishing stretch featuring Rock attempting a Crossface, Rock bleeding, big chokeslame from Kane to Undertaker, Benoit breaking up a People’s Elbow , HUGE Last Ride to The Rock and more!

Benoit is pretty outstanding throughout this whole thing. Him almost winning was great, how he reacts to not winning is great, and he’s just a fucking beast at times, really taking the fight to everyone and almost winning again a couple more times. Shame he’s the one that takes the pin. Finish is a little dumb though; Kane actually prevents Undertaker from breaking up the pin. Aside from that this is pretty good. A lot better than I remembered.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

Overall CAL SCALE – 15

No Mercy 2008

Had to take the wrapping off this to watch it. Guess I bought it in bulk with a bunch of other DVD’s when SV did their “going out of business cos WWE are cunts and are replacing us with a shitty company who charge rip off prices and only have like 10 DVD’s in their library to sell you” sale.

Matt Hardy Vs Mark Henry – ECW Championship

 What a way to start the show! HENRY! HARDY! ECW TITLE! I miss the ECW brand when WWE had it. Except that time when Bobby “bathturd” Lashley was the main guy. Mid-Late 08 onwards was just awesome. So much talent. These 2 guys were big parts of it for the 08 period too. In fact they were pretty much the biggest part of the 08 ECW awesomeness.

Hardy is the fighting champ, but Henry is the World’s Strongest Man and lost his title without being pinned in the Scramble match the previous month, so he’s fucking PISSED.

HENRY SMASH! Then Matt finds an opening and goes for the legs of Henry! Tony Atlas is screaming “NOOOOOOOO!” on the outside that really helps put over what kind of a threat Hardy might actually be if he continues to destroy the WSM’s legs.

Henry’s power allows him to, well, power through the leg work and continue to try and maul the champ, but Hardy is pretty spectacular with his comebacks, and damn that finish was fantastic. The FIGHTING SPIRIT~! of Matt is shown, the leg work comes into play, and Henry is finally defeated.

Me like this match. Could have done with more time, but what ya gonna do? They did a great job and worked a pretty sweet match regardless of the time.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

As much as I don’t really care too much for HHH… I do have to wonder what he was thinking in the backstage interview with him and Jeff as Jeff acts all… Jeff right in front of his face. I’m thinking “the fuck is wrong with this weirdo?” so fuck knows what HHH is thinking lol.

Beth Phoenix Vs Candice Michelle – Women’s Championship

LOL.

Rating: No
CAL SCALE – -1

Hi Kane :). Does he like, carry red lightbulbs around with him so he can set the mood backstage for his interviews and shit? Or does he just scare the production crew into doing it for him? Why am I putting any thought into something fake? FUCK YOU VINCE RUSSO. What?

Rey Mysterio Vs Kane – If Rey loses he must unmask

Lmao remember how everyone thought this feud was all about Kane getting his mask back? That burlap sack that we all thought was KANE’S mask, then it turned out it was Rey’s and this feud was about Rey losing his mask? Some crazy dumb shit right there lol. And now Kane has his mask back again. AND GUESS WHAT HE DIDN’T GET ANY MORE AWESOME. Not that I think he sucks balls, but why oh why did everyone think his mask would somehow make him 97/98 Kane again?

Anywho, I always really liked the chemistry between these two. I hope this is the match I remember as that match was great. When it’s over I’ll let you know if it was that match or not. Ok? Good :P.

We need to invent a drinking game where we take a shot any time Rey takes a big boot in a match against a giant. Easy way to get absolutely fucked 5 minutes in :P. Rey bumps like a fucking GOD for everything Kane throws at him, and Kane throws some good shit. All basic, but it all looks good and Rey sells it like murder. The clothesline early on to stop a 619 attempt might as well have beheaded Rey. Kane is awesome everyone. Stop hating and start… I dunno, not hating so much.

There’s a spot that I thought was more awesome than I think anyone should think such a small spot should be but fuck it I loved it. Rey was sat up on the mat, and Kane ran the ropes and did the boot to the face spot. Not the dropkick, but just a running boot. You know the spot. Anyway, Kane kinda slows down as he gets to Rey, as if he doesn’t want to really kick Rey’s head in because, fake and shit… but then it’s like Kane realises real quick that it would look terrible for him to do the kick now because he’s practically stopped now. So he makes up for it by just smashing poor Rey’s face in with a boot :P. So in order to prevent accidentally smashing Rey’s face in by going too fast, he slowed down and smashed Rey’s face in because it would look bad if he didn’t . And I marked out a little inside.

NEW DRINKING GAME! Take a shot any time Kane hits a side slam in this match. Pretty sure I’d need my stomach pumped before the match was over. Andy and Craig would probably just be a little tipsy by now. Unless they got a head start and got drunk before they started. Alcoholics. Now hurry the fuck up and ring me from Tesco or where ever you are going Dad so you can tell me what offers are on beer and I can transfer money into your bank account and you can get me some and I can get drunk tonight before I go to work tomorrow even though my contract ended today.

Rey’s comebacks in this match make Matt Hardy look like the biggest amature EVER in the Henry match. Just spectacular. And speaking of, the finish . Yes, this IS the match I was thinking of. I know because of the finish. Was dumb as shit in terms of the feud and the stipulation (because Kane got himself DQ’d so Rey wouldn’t lose his mask…), but damn it looked awesome.

Yeah I adore this match. A ton. Kane is great at beating down Rey, and Rey bumps around like a lunatic and sells the shit out of everything really well and is just all round great throughout.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

MVP demands to speak to Vickie backstage, but Big Show scares him off. So MVP comes out to the ring instead. And gets interrupted by Randy Orton. Who gets interrupted by Priceless and Manu. Fans chant “Boring” with as much passion as possible for such a chant. Orton leaves. Thanks for coming. MVP talks about how he would love to hang out with Priceless if he was on Raw, and they shun him off. Punk and Kofi come out, and talk MVP into running down to the ring and attacking them. MVP gets in the ring and Punk and Kofi laugh as he gets mauled. THESE ARE THE BABYFACES. Oh wait it’s ok they help MVP in the end after he takes an arse kicking first. Cunts. THIS ENTIRE SEGMENT WAS POINTLESS AND DID NOTHING.

Batista Vs John Bradshaw Layfield – Winner becomes #1 contender for the World Heavyweight Championship

Kinda scared to watch this match because… you know, they suck together. That sounds wrong but I’m rolling with it. Takes effort to delete shit.

Oh hey this isn’t too bad! Nice brawling, some hard hitting shots, and the Clothesline from Hell counter by Batista is cool, though JBL seems to almost have a delayed reaction to taking the Spear :P. JBL tries to slow the match down with a sleeper, but thank fuck they get out of that spot quickly otherwise I might have had to shoot someone.

BATISTA BOMB. And this one is over. It’s short, hard hitting and fun. Could have done without the sleeper hold, but at least it only lasted like half a minute. Not high on the old STARS~! but given the time it got and what they did, I couldn’t bring myself to going any higher even if I enjoyed it. Nowhere near bad at all though, so don’t let the rating fool you. Circumstances are the only reason it’s low.

Rating: **1/4
CAL SCALE – 1

JBL’s promo after the match is sweet. Starts off like he might be turning face then he turns it right around and looks like the biggest cunt on the planet. ALL HAIL JBL. Then Cryme Tyme show up and dance with the divas then steal JBL’s limo. Way to ruin JBL’s promo. Then Sgt Slaughter saves it by showing up with the biggest, cheesiest grin on his face and hops in the back of the limo with all the divas . Then Mickie James kills it by trying to be “fly”.

The Undertaker Vs The Big Show

The first match on the show without any title or stipulation lol. In fact I think it’s the only match like that on the show.

I loved Undertaker/Big Show feud from this time. Doesn’t officially end until like Feb 09, and even when they weren’t having matches we still got to see them slug it out (RR for example). One thing I did think was odd though, was how they handled the Vickie part of it. Undertaker was trying to kill her, so Show turned heel and aligned with Vickie to take down the Dead Man. Then Undertaker gets his hands on Vickie and Tombstones her before the first Show/Taker match? Strange. Surely they should have like, built up to Undertaker FINALLY getting his hands on her? Then again maybe Undertaker wanted to get it out of the way early rather so he didn’t have to thinking about getting his hands on her for too long :P.

So this match is about 2 big bastard punching each other. Repeatedly. And it’s better than almost everything else ever. And holy fucking shit at the bump Undertaker takes from the running shoulder block by Big Show. He nearly did the “turned inside out” bump, but not quite… almost like he didn’t mean to but Show ran into him THAT FUCKING HARD he couldn’t control himself properly lol. Looked amazingly sick.

What else can I say about this? 2 big bastards punch each other. I love it like it’s the greatest thing ever. The fans are all over it too. It’s mega awesome. A DDT is done as a legit believable finish to the match. Undertaker does the spot where he scares the ever loving shit out of the referee for trying to get in the middle of him and Show during a punch out. 

Finish shocked me back then and honestly still shocks me today. Ok the exposed turnbuckle comes into play for the finish, but still, UNDERTAKER LOST IN 2008 BY KO. And I’m not even mad! In fact I loved this match more than ever before this time around!

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

Triple H Vs Jeff Hardy – WWE Championship

Trable Haige Vz Juff Hervey fur deh dubly dubly eeeeeeeee titel.

Match starts with Jeff doing the whole “nobody thinks I can wrestle so I’ll do basic wrestling moves to prove them wrong and put my opponent off his game” schtick, but quickly goes back to his high risk offense and unfortunately he crashes and burns allowing HHH to take control. Not really sure what I think to the opening parts of the match tbh. Yeah, Jeff did the “unexpected” to try and take HHH off his game and shit, but then that leads to Jeff just doing his usual shit and it backfires on him. So uhhh… why even bother with the “wrestling” stuff before hand? Might as well have had Jeff go all out to begin with, rocking HHH with some quick, high impact moves before HHH finally avoids something because Jeff went to the well far too often. Transitions into HHH’s control segment the same way, but doesn’t waste the time at the start of the match lol.

Thankfully the wasted time at the start of the match is the only real thing wrong with this match. HHH works well in control, Jeff is good fighting from the bottom, and like every other match on the show so far, it features some rather wonderful comeback and cut off spots. Those 2 things have really been the highlight of the entire PPV thus far, and probably a big reason for me loving everything thus far too lol.

Love how they keep working in Jeff’s high risk offence as being a big game changer (no pun intended. Unless you laughed, then I totally meant it), both working for Jeff and against him. Finish is… a little odd tbh. HHH gets hit with the Swanton but still has enough strength to counter the pin fall afterwards and hold Jeff’s shoulder’s down for the 3. Odd but I kinda liked it.

Have to admit I’ve gone down on this match since last time. Not by much but I definitely saw some flaws in it that prevented it from being as great as I used to think it was.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

Triple H walks to the back, gets congratulated by ARN FUCKING ANDERSON, then Vladimir Kozlov shows up to kick start their little feud that would result in one of the worst main event matches in the history of existence.

Chris Jericho Vs Shawn Michaels – World Heavyweight Championship Ladder Match

I miss Mike Adamle. Bring him back as SD GM or something, with Big Johnny on Raw and have them feud. IMAGINE THE PROMOS!!! Or they could join forces to take down the new McMahon-Helmsley-Orton faction! Imagine the promos with Big Johnny, Mike Adamle and Randy Orton!!!

Man oh man was the whole HBK/Y2J 08 feud overrated to fuck :P. Started off good, all stemming from the HBK/Flair match which lead to the Batista match where HBK faked an injury and Jericho called him out on it and somehow turned heel in the process but it was all GOOD SHIT. And then it just draaaaaged on. Then at SummerSlam they did the angle with Jericho decking HBK’s wife RIGHT IN THE KISSER and things got heated up again only to die out very, very quickly and get dull as shit again. All the mediocre at best matches didn’t help (except for JD which I enjoyed).

I’ve never been overly high on this match, but at the same time I’ve never hated it. Always did think it was very good, I just never got the “GOAT ladder match/MOTY” praise it got. Half way into it so far and I am absolutely loving it though. They are just beating the absolute shit out of each other, at first by brawling and going to the outside where the ring post was used a couple of times, and then with the ladder that results in some rather nasty looking shit. Loving how this comes across as a very personal match filled with oodles of HATE~! A lot of ladder matches, some I consider the best of it’s gimmick, usually seem to be all about having a good “wrestling” match then bringing the ladder in for high spots (for the most part anyway, don’t want to generalise all ladder matches like that but you get my point). This one is different. They are trying to MURDER each other by using the ladder, and if they get the chance, claim the WHC for themselves too.

But for as much HATE~! as we get, we also get a bunch of STUPID~! thrown in too. Some immensely dumb spots, the main one being HBK ELBOW DROPPING A LADDER while it’s on top of Jericho. Yeah, hurts Jericho too, but absolutely fucks up HBK’s arm. I could have bought that Jericho put the ladder over himself to give him some protection and injure HBK at the same time… IF he had moved the ladder while HBK was in mid-move. But nope. Jericho drags the ladder over himself and THEN Shawn dives off the ropes already seeing and knowing the ladder is there. Next spot right after that? Lionsault onto a ladder while HBK is underneath. Again doing just as much damage to the person doing the move. DUMB AS SHIT. Doesn’t even really work into the HATE~! thing. I just can’t accept the old “willing to hurt himself to hurt his opponent” crap because there are smarter ways to go about hurting your opponent with the ladder and doing as little damage to yourself. Maybe if the spots were “quick thinking” type spots that are done out of desperation, but again, NOPE *insert Ambrose pic here*. They are all purposely SET UP like that. Makes me wanna scream out loud.

Both men battling it out at the top of the ladder and quite literally fighting over the belt is awesome… except for when Lance Cade runs in at one point and kinda kills it for me a little. Fuck Lance Cade. I hope he di… uhhhh yeah. Ooops :P. Lance Cade aside the tug of war finish is pretty sweet, and the entire match IS mainly very good, but fuck me those dumbarse retarded fucking spots really kill part of the match for me. Match should be a classic but instead it’s just really good. Not that that is a bad thing, but it really could have been so much better. Still liked the majority and it WAS a good main event for a pretty great PPV.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Overall CAL SCALE – 19

ECW December to Dismember 2006

So this is one of the lowest selling PPV’s in WWE history, and is widely regarded as one of the worst PPV’s of all time too. We all know the story of Paul Heyman’s plans for the show and how things were changed against his wishes which essentially caused him to leave the company for 6 years. But is the show REALLY that bad? Was it worth quitting over? I remember sod all about this one, including the matches as only 2 were announced prior to the event, and they still only advertise those 2 matches on the actual DVD cover! As well as advertising WM 23 too. Which is odd. Seriously, look at the back cover of the DVD. Bottom right… WM 23 logo.

MNM Vs The Hardy Boys

I love the 4 way ladder match that takes place at Armageddon a few weeks after this that involves both teams, and I love their RR tag match as well. So I’m expecting this to be good at the very least.

Fuck me, did Jeff get fucking FAT in 06 and I didn’t notice? Oh wait, might have been the IC belt, he had it under his t-shirt LOL. Shame Matt couldn’t use that same excuse in a couple of years time…

SHE’S A CRACK WHORE chants at Melina, which she responds to with a very loud scream. That’ll teach those fake ECW fans!

LOL at MNM trying to do the Hardy’s schtick in the ring. Poetry in Motion looks terrible :P. Thankfully we are saved from an attempted Twist of Fate and Swanton combination. lmao at the ECW chants because they do some high flying moves. The fake ECW fans don’t even know WHY they should chant ECW lmao.

Thing I liked most about this match was the teased finish with the Hardy’s showing MNM how POM is done correctly, then go for the TOF + Swanton combination… only for Nitro to drag Mercury out of the ring and Jeff crashes and burns!

Match is really like 2 matches in one, due to having 2 FIP sections to it. The first one is average as hell, with Matt being FIP, and MNM really not doing a damn thing to make their work over portion of the match look good.

Then we go into the second match, after the crash and burn of Jeff, and this time he takes a beating, and MNM actually do a good job at controlling. They work over Jeff’s back nicely, which was the smart thing to do given the fact Jeff just missed the Swanton.

Great teamwork from MNM, and come cool double team moves to continue to hurt Jeff’s back too.

After the hot tag, we get Matt and Jeff attempting… something that ends up with Nitro hitting a hurricanrana from the ropes to Jeff… but the whole set up looked terrible and confusing and awkward and fuck lol.

Finishing stretch has some sweet false finishes, before the Hardy’s finally get the win.

Overall… mostly really good, but take the first 10 minutes off the match and it could have been great. Still prefer their RR encounter, but hey, a good match on DTD!

Rating: ***1/4 – 2

Matt Striker Vs Balls Mahoney

Oh sweet jebus this looks terrible on paper. Striker has a picture of his head on his arse. Yeah. So this is apparently a “Striker’s Rules” match. No eye gouging. No hair pulling. No moves off the top rope. And no foul language. Yawn.

Well huh, this isn’t actually that bad. They do some nice shit at the start with Balls surprising people, mainly Striker, by actually “wrestling” instead of brawling (not really sure why, because let’s face it, hair pulling and eye gouging isn’t a big part of brawling lol). Then they go to lock up and for some reason, Balls randomly (and I do mean randomly, as he has NO REASON IN THE SLIGHTEST) looks away allowing Striker to deck him in the face and from there he does some nifty arm work. Did kinda lol at Striker essentially doing a back bump onto Ball’s arm at one point though. Looked a little dumb :P.

Then Balls wins. Seems a little out of nowhere, but whatever. Mostly a fun match, which surprised me.

Rating: **1/2 – 1

Backstage Sabu is on the floor not moving. So it’s already better than any of his matches. BULLSHIT chants from the fans.

Elijah Burke & Sylvester Terkay Vs Little Guido Maritato & Tony Mamaluke

I smell a squash match! And I hope to jebus it is. I don’t wanna see any of these guys wrestler each other for very long. I like Nunzio (Guido), but fuck, everyone else in this match can GO TO HELL.

Remember Trinity in the WWE? Well she was there for like a second or two.

I wish this match was only here for a second or two. Lasts far longer than it should have, and it was fucking terrible. Not even a squash either. Go away please.

Rating: DUD – 0

Davari Vs Tommy Dreamer

Urgh. I’m starting to realise why they didn’t announce anything other than the tag match and EC. Nobody in their right fucking mind would have ordered this show knowing the matches lmao. Ok, so hardly anyone ordered not knowing them, but still… not knowing left some wonder and the potential for some good matches.

90% of this match is just Divari applying a sleeper hold to Dreamer. Khali gets sent to the back early on. Divari wins by cheating. I feel cheated by watching this.

Khali murders Dreamer at the end. Yey.

Rating: DUD – 0

Paul Heyman replaces the injured Sabu with Harcore Holly in the Elimination Chamber match.

Mike Knox & Kelly Kelly Vs Kevin Thorn & Ariel

MIKE KNOX. He doesn’t seem as big as he is now, and he doesn’t have the beard. So he probably sucks. Speaking of sucks; Kelly Kelly. She wishes Punk good luck in the EC match later tonight.

Do people still have a hard on for Kevin Thorn? I remember everyone creaming over his Mordecai gimmick, then creaming again over the Thorn “Vampire” gimmick too, and then of course raging because he got released. Even though he fucking sucked. And not in the Vampire way. Or Kelly Kelly way. Well, in one of the Kelly Kelly ways. She sucks on multiple levels. I’m saying she sucks a lot of cock and is a terrible wrestler. Which one is Thorn? Terrible wrestler, obviously. As far as I know anyway. Not that it matters, but I don’t think he does. Suck cock, that is. He definitely sucks as a wrestler.

Is everyone but Kelly Kelly a heel in this match btw? Oh hello Ariel’s arse. What was I saying? Oh yeah this sucks. Mostly. Knox actually shows signs of being good. He isn’t “flying bear” good yet, but there are signs of potential.

After the guys try their best to not suck, they tag in the ladies, and lmao Kelly Kelly might be up there as one of the worst female wrestlers of all time. Ariel gets a pass because of that ass (yeah I said ass instead of arse, but I needed to for the rhyme to work so SHUT UP). That and she isn’t horrible either. Kelly kelly just needs to quit the business and… oh she did. Took far too long but she finally did.

lmao at Kelly’s reaction to Knox not accepting the tag and walking away, leaving Ariel to murder her.

Bad, bad match. Only redeming quality is that ARSE. Which makes it better than the last couple of matches.

For some reason The Sandman shows up to save Kelly Kelly. Because. That’s all I got.

Rating: 1/4* – 0

The Big Show Vs CM Punk Vs RVD Vs Hardcore Holly Vs Test Vs Bobby Lashley – ECW Title Extreme Elimination Chamber Match

What is an Extreme Elimination Chamber match you ask? An Elimination Chamber match but with WEAPONS. Wish they’d bring it back every now and then tbh. Spice things up a little.

Holly and RVD start this thing, which I guess is ok given that RVD sliced open Holly’s back with that table not too long ago so it gives them some time alone inside the chamber. Of course Heyman’s plan for the match was a lot better.

They do mostly good stuff together for the first 5 minutes, so nothing really to complain about here even with RVD in the ring lol. With the 5 minutes up, the first person out of a pod is… CM PUNK! Fans are firmly, FIRMLY behind the Second City Saint. But apparently popularity doesn’t mean anything in WWE… except if you are popular AND Vince likes you.

Sweeeeeet use of the chair that Punk brings in. Love the legdrop counter with it. RVD gets absolutely KILLED with the chair a couple of times. Holly catching Punk and swinging him into the side of the chamber makes me smile. Why? I’m not right in the head. But it looked cool.

Bah, things were looking good… and then Test entered. Hopefully he isn’t going to be fucking useless. He has a crowbar. So at least he can hit people with that rather than attempt to wrestle. lmao in less than a minute Test is down and nearly out. Ahhh fuck. CM Punk is eliminated first. BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT. That’s what I’m chanting right now. The fans aren’t though. They loved Punk at the start, but since he was eliminated by an ECW Original its ok apparently. So Punk is gone. Guess that was sticking it to Heyman. “Oh, you want CM Punk to win? ELIMINATED FIRST!”

Test boots Holly in the face… ref counts to 2… everyone is confused and Holly is eliminated. Well done Test. First move you’ve hit that wasn’t a weapon shot and you managed to fuck up. He makes up for it at least by hitting an elbow drop off the top of a pod to RVD who has a steel chair on him! Bye bye RVD. Oh, NOW the fans chant BULLSHIT? But not when Punk was eliminated? THAT is Bullshit.

Lashley is is out next, so we get Lashley with a table Vs Test. OH HOW EXCITING. The Basham Brothers aka Heyman’s private security attack the referee on the outside and prevent the pod from getting unlocked. SO how does he get out? HE BREAKS THROUGH THE STEEL CHAIN ROOF WITH A WOODEN TABLE.

Test gets mauled. Lashley spears him. And he have a full minute with Lashley ON HIS OWN IN THE RING lmao. So how does Lashley fill time? HE THROWS THE TABLE AT BIG SHOW’S POD lmao.

Show finally gets into the match and he has a barbed wire baseball bat. Lashley has a chair as a shield. The bat gets stuck in the chain, and for some reason the referee gets it loose…

Lashley throws Big Show through a pod, so how does Show respond? By smashing himself through the other side lmao. TAKE THAT LASHLEY!

Lashley wins. And goes on to have an absolutely dire title reign that also results in Vince McMahon holding the title.

Match overall isn’t bad. Far from it. Plenty of good here, but there is also some stupid shit too. Punk being eliminated first. Test fucking up a PIN FALL. Lashley in general. Enough to stop it being a great match, but not enough to stop me from liking it quite a bit.

Rating: *** – 2

CAL SCALE OVERALL – 5

5 points overall on the CAL SCALE isn’t exactly good… but there are still some events far worse than this. A handful of RR and WM events are worse than this show. Just a shame that really, outside of the opening tag and the main event there isn’t anything worth seeing. Balls/Striker might not be bad, but I wouldn’t recommend anyone go out and watch it.

Match 1 – Daniel Bryan Vs Sheamus – I was looking forward to this match. Out of the £15 I spend to watch WM live, £5 of it went on this match. What a waste of fucking money. So the bell rings, and Bryan wants AJ to give him a good luck kiss before they officially get into it. They kiss, and Bryan turns around into a kick to the face and is pinned, losing the WHC. What a load of fucking bullshit. I said when I reviewed this match last year that this MIGHT very well lead to something good, with Bryan’s character developing even more than it already has in the last few months. It might lead to somewhere truly great, and that’s, well, great. But that’s no excuse for doing this at WRESTLEMANIA. Do it on SD. Do it at a “B” PPV like Extreme Rules. But don’t do it at WRESTLEMANIA. Of course it DID lead to something great at the time for Bryan, and the WM rematch was TREMENDOUS, but still, DON’T DO THIS SHIT AT WRESTLEFUCKINGMANIA. Unless it involves Chavo Guerrero Jr. Then job him out in as little time as you like. DUD.

Match 2 – Kane Vs Randy Orton – Kane shook Orton’s hand last year so now they need to have a match at WM. Totally understandable… I was actually surprised by this match; it didn’t suck. Kane since his return really hasn’t looked that good, but here at WM he looked better than he has in a while. Orton kept trying to go full speed ahead but Kane would absorb everything thrown at him and then nail Randy with one big powerful looking move, allowing him to wear down the Viper and control the match. This is WrestleMania though, and Orton just keeps coming back again and again, forcing Kane to take bigger chances such as attempting the clothesline from the top rope which doesn’t go as well as he’d hoped. Neither does the chokeslam, with Randy being able to kick out! So if the chokeslam don’t work, what do you do? Super chokeslam! Was actually expecting Orton to reverse this into an RKO ala WM 21, but damn, Kane actually hit it AND got the 3 count! I legit thought Kane stood no chance of winning a WrestleMania match against a guy like Orton, but he did it. Which I guess means a re-match at Extreme Rules. Not fussed about this “feud” continuing, but it keeps Orton out of the title picture for a little while longer and with a stipulation they could have another good match. All in all, solid stuff here. Kane actually looked good, Orton in a loss still looked good as it took a super chokeslam to beat him AND he never hit the RKO so we don’t know for sure if Kane would have been able to kickout of it had he landed it. ***.

Match 3 – Cody Rhodes Vs The Big Show – One of the few matches on this show with a decent build up, and honestly Cody was the one carrying the feud with his promos and the video packages of Show’s embarrassing WM moments lol. This one goes exactly as I thought it would; Show starts dominant, Cody finds an opening for a little while, then Show mauls Cody and wins. Best part of this match was Show spearing Cody in the balls. Luckily this isn’t too long (though they might as well have had this go as long as the WHC match with Show just knocking out Cody, so the WHC match could have actually been a match). It’s not BAD, but its short and there isn’t much to it so I can’t call it good either. Just kinda there, not annoying me, but entertaining me a little. *.

Match 4 – Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos Vs Beth Phoenix & Eve – NO.

Match 5 – The Undertaker Vs Triple H – Fuck. Yes. This is where another £5 went lol. Awesome that JR got to call the match, and they actually didn’t ruin it by playing up on all the shit between him and Cole. In fact, Cole was toned down a TON all night, which was awesome. He’s decent when he isn’t being a retard. The build up to this one hasn’t been epic, but I have enjoyed it more than any other WM match build this year. The whole “uncertainty” angle with Undertaker was a great way to set up the re-match imo. I remember listening to a radio show with JR, and the host summed up this angle in a great way. It’s just like Rocky II. Undertaker is Apollo Creed, and he wants the rematch because, and I quote “I won but I didn’t BEAT him”. And that’s just perfect for this. Undertaker got the win last year, but he was unable to leave the ring on his own and wasn’t able to return until a year later. So he wants another shot at HHH to prove that he CAN beat The Game and not JUST win the match. Undertaker’s coat looks epic btw. And his new hair cut reveal isn’t nearly as bad as I was thinking. I was expecting him to be completely bald and clean shaven on top of his head, but its grown back a little and he even has a slight Mohawk going that actually adds to his new look. The cell lowers to the sound of Metallica, and I have to wonder what shitty generic rock music they’ll replace it with when they release the show on DVD/Bluray. Seriously, why bother getting music like that for JUST the one night and not including it on the DVD/Bluray releases? They’ve done it before in the part, but now they replace anything they don’t already own the rights to. Last year, Triple H ran straight into The Undertaker to start the match and would be the one to control the pace and the match for the most part. This year, Undertaker has something to prove to himself and to HHH, so HE starts the match on fire and takes the fight right to HHH, showing him that the beating he took last year isn’t going to happen again; at least, not to HIM. I’ve been reading Mick Foley’s first book as of late, and there is a chapter where he talks a little about the best way to bust someone open “the hard way”. It involves targeting the spot just above the eyebrow… and about 3 minutes into this match I noticed that Undertaker starts targeting that exact spot with a couple of right hands and a few headbutts! Blood might be a big no-no in WWE these days, but hey, if someone is “accidentally” busted open, they can’t be punished, right? Besides, who the FUCK is going to come down to the ring and stop a Hell in a Cell match between HHH and THE UNDERTAKER? Nobody with a brain. The match slows down a little for a while now unfortunately. The match is inside the cell so I guess they figure they should do SOMETHING with it, and that ends up as nothing more than throwing each other into the side of it a couple of times. There really was no need to put this contest inside HIAC. I think they did it just to say that HHH and Undertaker finally had a HIAC match. Things pick up again when HHH tries to get himself back into the match with a quick DDT. He attempts a Pedigree on the steel steps that Undertaker brought in the ring, but a back body drop puts a stop to that. A nice little callback spot I guess you could say from their previous match, except last year it was a table HHH got back dropped. Another callback spot from last year with HHH hitting a brutal AA Spinebuster, except its the steel steps once again standing in for the table and damn does it look and sound a hell of a lot worse than last year! A desperate Undertaker sees an opportunity to use Hells Gate, but HHH has it scouted and is able to power Undertaker up and set him crashing to the mat! Undertaker’s back has taken some punishment now, so it’s time for the cerebral assassin to do what he does best; go to work on an injured body part. Time for the HBK factor to get involved in the match, with HHH brutalising The Undertaker with a steel chair, causing Shawn to show some concern for the man who ended his career. Triple H tells Shawn to end it, to ring the bell and stop the suffering of one of the biggest legends, or else HE’LL end it, and it won’t be as quick and painless as ringing a bell. Undertaker makes damn sure to tell Shawn not to end it, which just infuriates HHH to the point where he brings out his trusty Sledgehammer to finish the job. HBK gets involved again, actually preventing HHH from smashing the sledgehammer down on the head of the Dead Man. Instead he looks like he’s going to ring the bell, a way he sees best to prevent HHH from not just beating HHH, but ENDING him. But its WrestleMania, and The Undertaker isn’t going to let a match end like this any time, never mind HIS show. And if Shawn is considering ringing the bell, Undertaker believes he needs to take out Shawn, and he locks in the Hells Gate! With Shawn gone, HHH is next to feel the pain of Hells Gate, and just like the end of last year’s match, HHH does his best to use the sledgehammer but he passes out from the pain! This one is OVER! Except… HBK is still out! Another referee runs down as Undertaker levels HHH with a Chokeslam, and we get probably the biggest near fall a Chokeslam has gotten in quite some time, as HHH was still out from the Hells Gate and might not have been able to kick out. The referee suffers for only making a 2 count, and then… SWEET CHIN MUSIC! SWEET CHIN MUSIC! HBK kicks Undertaker’s teeth down his throat, and sends him straight into a Pedrigee! Its over! Its over! NO!!! Undertaker WILL NOT DIE! Triple H goes back to the trusty Sledgehammer, but Undertaker sits up and nearly scares HHH into submission! It’s almost like Undertaker is remembering everything that happened to him last year, and its firing him up more than ever before! Tombstone! HBK makes the count… only 2! Shawn is GREAT here as he sits in the corner looking like an emotional wreck, knowing he almost screwed Undertaker out of his streak, and almost counted out his best friend in this “end of an era” match. We get a great battle from both men as they throw big lefts and rights at each other to the “yey!” and “boo!” of the crowd, with them starting off on their knees before staggering up and continuing it on their feet. PEDIGREE! Another 2 count, and Shawn looks like he just wants this one to end so nobody has to get hurt any more. With both men hurting badly, they begin to crawl to separate weapons. Undertaker goes for a chair, and HHH for his sledgehammer. A great visual as Undertaker has the chair in his hand, and stands on the sledgehammer before HHH can pick it up. All the chair shots Undertaker received earlier are now fresh in his mind, and similar to the HIAC match with Edge back in 2008, Undertaker looks now to give everything back to his opponent and then some. Chairshots the head have been outlawed in WWE, but the way these two have been swinging the chair for just back shots more than makes up for it. These are hard and every bit as brutal as a chair shot to the head would be. The match now really is a reverse of last year; Undertaker has destroyed HHH with chair shot after chair shot and is screaming at HHH to stay down, but like Undertaker last year, HHH refuses to, even though he has almost nothing left. Another tremendous visual moment as HHH charges at Undertaker one last time with the sledgehammer, only for Undertaker to put a stop to it and shake his head. HHH, like his best friend HBK 2 years earlier, is defiant to the end and essentially forces Undertaker to finish him because there really is no other way. Another Tombstone, and this one is over. The Undertaker is able to put his year of uncertainty behind him as he not only won, but he BEAT Triple H. The stuff that follows the match is really fucking great too. We have Undertaker and Shawn hugging, as Undertaker breaks away from his “Dead Man” character as much as possible without being Mark Calaway. And it was great to see Undertaker and HBK help HHH up and WALK him up the ramp to the back. Almost like Undertaker didn’t want HHH to go through what he went through last year. It might not have been on his own, but dammit, HHH WALKED out of WrestleMania. As JR put it, “That ladies and gentlemen, is respect”. This really was an end of an era, because it’s going to be a long damn time before anything like this is going to be able to take place in WWE. This was incredible. Better than last year. If it wasn’t for the part near the beginning of the match slowing things down and not really going anywhere, I’d throw the full ***** at it. This is one hell of a way to finish the incredible story arc that in a way began at WrestleMania 24 with HBK ending the career of Ric Flair. It really doesn’t get any better than this. ****3/4.

Match 6 – Team Johnny: David Otunga, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre, Mark Henry & The Miz Vs Team Teddy: Santino Marella, Kofi Kongston, R-Truth, The Great Khali, Booker T & Zack Ryder – NO.

Match 7 – CM Punk Vs Chris Jericho – And here is where my last £5 went. Yep, I didn’t pay to see Cena/Rock. I’ll talk more about that when I get to it though. Before the match, Punk is backstage and runs into Johnny, who adds the stipulation that if Punk loses his cool and gets DQ’d, he also loses the WWE Title. Punk does his best to look… pissed off? I dunno. His facial expressions as of late have been fucking horrible lol, making me want to laugh during this feud more than anything. Jericho added to that with his hilarious dick headed comments about Punk’s family. Wrestling needs more dick head heels btw. Been watching a bunch of ROH stuff from Joe and Danielson and KENTA in 06 when Bryan was a heel and the other 2 were… I dunno, tweeners maybe, and all 3 just act like complete DICKS to each other and it makes their matches, be it singles, tag or triple thread, so much fucking fun. So yeah. More dick heads in wrestling please! Austin Aries in TNA is one of the best things going right now because of the way he acts tbh. The match begins with some nice little mat work, with both men wanting to prove that they are the best in the world. But Punk has more on his mind; he wants to beat the hell out of Jericho as well. Jericho sees this, and goes to work. The new stipulation allows Punk and Jericho to add a little something more to their match here. Jericho gets to be a DICK and it’s just great to watch. With the title now being able to change hands on a DQ, Jericho decides he’s going to make Punk so mad he’ll get himself DQ’d and literally hand the belt to Chris. It starts off with a couple of slaps, but that doesn’t seem to be getting the job done. So Jericho brings up Punk’s Dad, but again Punk is able to cool himself off and not fully lose control. Time to bring out the Sister card, and again Punk goes crazy but pulls himself together before he does something he’ll regret. Jericho literally BEGS Punk to hit him in the head with a chair, and it’s just awesome. He’s so fucking happy as he does it too. Only Funk and Foley come to mind when I think about people smiling and begging to be hit with a chair lol. When it becomes obvious Punk isn’t going to get himself DQ’d, Jericho has to out-wrestle Punk in order to win, and luckily for him all the things he has been saying has caused Punk to lose focus. Love the transition spot into Jericho’s “wrestling” part of the match. The suplex from the ring to the outside was a hell of a manly bump. We get some really nice back work from Chris, and the spot where Jericho throws Punk off the ropes is great due to the slow motion replay and both Cole and Lawler just going “oh MAN” at the same time while watching it. Looked sick in slow motion. Punk makes his comeback and the match becomes more of a back and forth even contest which fits in nicely with the story of both men claiming to be the best in the world. Only real complaint I have here is how Punk shrugs off the back work completely. Didn’t expect him to sell his back like death for the rest of the match, especially since Jericho doesn’t go back to it aside from the Walls of Jericho, but damn, one minute Punk is having his back worked over, and the next he’s fighting back and acting like nothing happened at all lol. Anyone else for a moment thought that Jericho was going to hit the Styles Clash when he countered a Hurricanrana into a Walls of Jericho? Just me? Ah well lol. I love how they transition seamlessly from the back and forth stuff into a finishing stretch, and do it without completely killing the concept of finishers too. I think Punk kicks out of a Codebreaker ONCE, and only because he had time to rest and recover before Jericho made the cover, and in a big match at WM that’s kinda to be expected, and in this match it really works into the story of both men being the best in the world and having what it takes to kick out of such things. They really work their submissions beautifully in the match too. Jericho finding a way out of the Anaconda Vice by using his knees is great, and then Punk finding a way to counter the counter which results in Jericho having to tap is even better. Totally loved this match. Great storytelling, starting out with Jericho trying to get Punk to lose his temper and get DQ’d, then moving onto both men just trying to prove they are the best in the world. Prefer Undertaker/HHH to it, but I’ve come to expect that I’ll like “big” Undertaker matches more than most people, and I can certainly see a lot of people thinking this was the best match of the night and other than my personal preference for Undertaker/HHH I’d find it hard to come up with much of a reason to disagree. Blew my expectations away, which were a little low as I didn’t want to be disappointed and I honestly doubted both men a little in their ability to have a truly great match with each other. Luckily they proved me wrong! ****1/2.

Match 8 – John Cena Vs The Rock – Urgh. It always sucks a little when they most hyped up match for WrestleMania doesn’t interest you in the slightest. I don’t like The Rock. Never have. I’m not one of those people who bitches because he left for Hollywood. I like that he left for Hollywood because it meant he wasn’t on my wrestling show any more. I don’t care much for Cena. I’m not one of those people who thinks he can’t wrestle in the slightest or have good matches, I just don’t enjoy his character. Even as the rapper. I’ve just never connected with Cena, but I’ve always at least been able to enjoy his matches when they have been good, and yeah, he’s got a bunch of them. Same can be said for The Rock, I like a bunch of his matches too. Unfortunately I just can’t find any motivation to give a shit about this match. I don’t like either guy, I don’t like their characters, and the build up to this one has been atrocious. Absolutely atrocious. They had an ENITRE YEAR to build this one up, and it consisted of the same old shit from both men over and over again. Oh, The Rock left and I’m always here. Well, Cena is a fruity pebble and a *insert takeaway food here* bitch. A year of THAT. It wasn’t good, clever or funny the first time they did it. Why would it be any of that the next billion times they said it? I hear people say that feuds these days are too short and in the good old days they could last a year blah blah blah. Well in this day and age it’s impossible to keep things going for a long time because a) there is far more programming than there was 20 years ago, and b) creative struggle to come up with an interesting angle that last longer than a fucking week. And that’s all this one was; a week’s worth of ideas on repeat for a fucking year. Nice to see that both guys get extremely long and shitty entrances from so called “singers” that I’ve never heard of and for good reason because they suck, while the WHC match got 18 seconds. Once again, FUCK YOU, ROCK. Your shitty boring pointless promo last year at WM prevented Bryan/Sheamus from happening on the show, and this year your shitty boring pointless entrance took away all but 18 seconds from Bryan/Sheamus. And fuck you too, Cena. And Vince McMahon. Now I have that out of my system, time to watch the match. Urgh. Collar and Elbow tie ups to start things off, with Cena powering Rock across the ring the first time, kinda like he was saying “LOL @ Teh Moviez Star”. Then Rock powers Cena across the ring with the second one as if to say “I may have been to Hollywood, but I’m as much of a wrestler as you as, so don’t take me lightly, bitch”. Then Rock busts out some ZOMGWRESTLING moves that shocks Cena and almost catches him off guard so much he almost gets pinned! Cena is getting frustrated, but takes a time out and this allows him to regain his composure and when he gets back into the ring, he is able to take control of the match by targeting Rock’s ribs and utilises the bear hug. Unfortunately these bear hug spots are as dull as shit and damn, I know wrestling is “fake” but come on, if you are going to talk to each other in holds, try and do it quietly lol. Takes away from the match a little, and believe me, I’m not into the match that much to begin with . After a while they take turns at hitting finishers, which breaks up the dull fest of bear hugs nicely, and then Cena goes back to controlling Rocky followed by a Rock control segment which involves his terrible attempt at a Sharpshooter. Speaking of shitty attempts at submission holds… STFU! More god awful, dull and shitty submission spots from Cena. This match is way too long. We go into the finishing stretch now, and its finishers for the most part, which I’m fine with because it’s a “huge” match and nobody is going to buy either of these being beaten by just ONE finisher. Rock goes to the ropes at one point, and in a nice throwback to his early days, lands a crossbody! But Cena rolls throw and hits the FU (or AA, whatever)! Legit thought this was it, but Rock kicked out and then I remembered something; movie stars always win! And yeah, Rock wins. Rock Bottom while Cena mocks Rock by attempting the People’s Elbow. So it’s finally over. It went on WAY too long, and if it wasn’t for the crowd I probably would have shot myself half way through. Rock/Hogan not only had a better atmosphere than this in all honestly, but the actual MATCH was better too imo. Kane/Orton was better as far as a MATCH goes. Crowd and Atmosphere were obviously better than anything Kane/Orton had, but that’s the ONLY thing this match had over it. **1/4.

Urgh, Rock as the host aka wastes a ton of time saying absolutely NOTHING that benefits absolutely NOBODY and as a result a match I PAID TO SEE gets cancelled from the show. Yey thanks WWE!

Match 1 – Edge Vs Alberto Del Rio – Edge’s final match! Good that he was able to leave before he got to the point where he was fucked… just a shame it didn’t happen about 2 years sooner when he went downhill and started sucking on a regular basis. Christian returned from injury at the EC PPV, and what does he get to do at WM? Stand on the outside. Del Rio quickly goes after the injured arm, which is of course a smart move. The only real potential I saw for this match was the arm work and Edge’s selling of it and fighting to come back, so it made me a little happy to see that neither man was retarded enough to ignore it (hey, it has been done before lol…). With Del Rio working the arm, Edge really has to use his veteran instincts to create openings for himself, which we see fairly early on when he moves out of Del Rio’s way, and Rio goes flying through the ropes to the outside. Then the importance of leaving WM with the WHC is made perfectly clear when Edge lands a top rope dive to the floor in an attempt to keep his opponent down. And with Edge creating all these openings due to being the veteran, Del Rio does equally as well by going back to the injured arm to control the match whenever Edge gets some offence in. Rather loved the spot with Del Rio hitting that big kick on Edge, going for the cover, only for Edge to get his foot on the rope and Rodriguez running past to take it off before the ref sees him. Great to see someone on the outside actually doing more than just standing around these days. When Brodus smashed Edge’s shoulder into the ring post and Del Rio went for the Cross Arm Breaker, I thought it was over, but alas, it was not to be. And a few moments later… Del Rio gets hit with a running hug and for some reason Edge actually retains the belt. Bah. Match had a lot going for it, I gotta admit, but outside of a couple of spots, there was nothing that we wouldn’t see from lower card guys in a Superstars match. It was just totally underwhelming for a WM match, and even more so for a WHC match. It wasn’t until the very end when things seemed that important and they went into a higher gear either. A little better than I expected tbh, but as I predicted, Christian/Del Rio on SD a couple of weeks back was WAY better than this. Sucks balls that Edge is still champ too. Guy’s boring and stale beyond belief. **1/2.

Match 2 – Cody Rhodes Vs Rey Mysterio – Totally looking forward to this match! Great build up, and both men talented enough to give us something great. Why does Rey always have to look like a retard at WM? After the beatdowns the last couple of weeks, Rey wastes no time going after Cody, and tries to take that protective mask off too. Not to embarrass Cody, but to remove the potential weapon. Cool to see someone in a feud with Rey NOT caring about the mask or taking it off. This time its CODY’S mask that is the focal point over Rey’s mask, and its Rey’s KNEE BRACE that is the target of his opponent. Tremendous sequence from Cody where he spins Rey around in the ropes, headbutts him with the mask, then does that leaping kick (I’m sure it has a name, but I forget these things) to Rey’s head. Makes a great sound and looks amazing. Again Rhodes looks awesome when he counters some Rey Rey offence and utilises some BOB HOLLY offence to try and put him away. Since Rey and the knee brace injured Rhode’s face months back, Cody does a wonderful job of trying to get the knee brace off, and when Rey keeps fighting back so he can’t do it, goes after the face of Rey to gain some revenge. Like Del Rio going back to the arm of Edge in the previous match, Cody keeps using the protective mask to headbutt Rey whenever Rey might be making a comeback. All in all just some great work from Cody. After some great offence by Cody, he finally has Rey down and almost out, enough to take off that knee brace and hopefully avoid getting injured again. But once this happens, Mysterio is pissed and makes sure to take the mask off of Cody and land a 619! Cody is resilient though, so Rey goes one step further for retribution, and puts on the Cody mask! A few headbutts with it and Cody looks to be out, but nope, he still fights back! So how does Cody react to having his face attacked with his own protective mask? He grabs the knee brace that he took off of Rey, and smashes him in the face! One finisher later, and Cody picks up the big win! Fucking great how the knee brace came into the finish, and actually HELPED Cody, after ruining his life for so many months prior to WM. Shocked to see Cody get the win, but extremely pleased. Great match, awesome storytelling, and perfect finish. ****.

Match 3 – The Corre Vs The Big Show, Kane, Santino Marella & Kofi Kingston – NO.

Match 4 – CM Punk Vs Randy Orton – This one has potential to be good, but based on Orton’s terrible babyface match formula, it also has the potential to suck more balls than The Rock. So we have another match where the story can revolve around a particular thing; first it was Edge’s arm, then we had Rey’s head and knee brace along with Cody’s mask, and now Orton’s leg. It’s all simple stuff, but done right can really make a match. Edge/Del Rio didn’t go beyond the basics, Rey/Cody worked all aspects in their match extremely well, and now we just have to see how Punk and Orton work with the leg. Punk goes after the leg the moment the bell rings, so I guess we can expect the leg to be the main focus, which is exactly what it should be. Punk’s offence is tremendous, and Orton shows that he can sell really well too. I know he can, but some people out there seriously don’t think Orton can do anything except for an RKO. RKO countered into a kick to the face by Punk was epic. In fact, Punk has some tremendous kicks throughout the match, especially the sequence of kicks that ends with a sweep to knock Orton down into the Anaconda Vice. Despite some good selling by Orton, Punk’s offence seems to be really up and down after a while. We get bursts of greatness from him, then periods of “meh” offence where it looks like he’s just wasting time. Maybe that’s not the best way to describe it, but I’m struggling to really think of what it is I’m trying to say lol. Orton failing the hit the Punt because of his leg, but leaping up for an RKO was pretty fantastic. I would have preferred that to have landed and be the finish rather than Punk getting away and then jumping into another RKO. Some good stuff here, but some of it seemed a little dull to me and I wasn’t a fan of the finish. Like I said, should have ended with the attempted one rather than the “catch off the ropes” one. Disappointed with this one, but at the same time it wasn’t as horrible as it could have been either. **1/2.

Match 5 – Jerry Lawler Vs Michael Cole – NO.

Match 6 – The Undertaker Vs Triple H – Without a doubt the BIGGEST match on the show… and really the ONLY big match on the show. Despite my seeming man love for The Undertaker, I wasn’t too interested in this one. Based on their previous matches over the years I had a lot of reason to doubt it. And watching it live didn’t do much for me. However, after sitting through 20 minutes of Lawler/Cole and numerous other disappointments, and the fact it was around half 2 in the morning by now, I was tired and a little bored and probably didn’t pay as much attention to it. Hopefully this re-watch will do some good. I mean, back at WM 25 I wasn’t THAT impressed with HBK/Undertaker when I saw it live. Adored it when I reviewed it the next day. “For Whom The Bell Tolls” plays and out comes HHH for a rather unspectacular WM entrance. Nobody this year really had an entrance worth mentioning, including Undertaker right afterwards. Though I always enjoy Undertaker’s entrance no matter what lol. Oh, and his new coat was awesome too. Maybe one of these days I’ll look into getting a coat like that, always really wanted one. No time wasted here as HHH takes the fight right to The Undertaker with those big lefts and rights. No need to feel his opponent out; he’s been in the ring before, plus he just wants to end the Streak at any cost, so going for the big bombs right away makes sense. Undertaker just kinda shrugs him off though, launching him out of the ring. HHH throws more bombs at Undertaker on the outside, but Undertaker again shrugs him aside and sends him into the steel steps. Undertaker wants to control this match and go at HIS pace, regardless of what HHH wants to do. So HHH charges at The Undertaker and sends him crashing through the tool box, which leads to a great visual of Undertaker getting up almost DBZ style when someone is knocked into a mountain or something and they just stand back up and let the rocks fly off them lol. He stares at HHH almost as if to say “fine, we’ll do it YOUR way”. HHH is really determined to take out Undertaker here, and as a result Undertaker takes a bump into the barricade that someone of his age and condition (hip surgery a year or so ago I think) really shouldn’t be taking. But its WM and he’ll do everything he can. The fight goes onto the announcers table, and HHH takes a huge bump with a back body drop off the table to the floor, and perhaps legit injures his left arm which he favours for the rest of the match, but not in a way that prevents him from doing anything if you get me. Knowing that he is truly in for the fight of a lifetime, Undertaker knows he has to really bust out everything in his arsenal. After WM 25 when he landed on his head, I didn’t think we would see it again, especially since he didn’t do it at WM 26 and his condition has got to be worse a year later… but dammit, Undertaker continues to prove that he is still the best in the world when he wants to be, and he dives over that top rope as effortlessly as he did a decade ago when he was in way better shape. The big bumps keep coming, and Undertaker again puts his body in more risk than he should when he attempts to put HHH through a table but ends up taking a AA Spinebuster through it instead! DAMN! Watching live, and feeling how I did (bored, disappointed and tired due to the time and rest of the show so far lol), I just saw this as one giant finishing stretch from the get go with no psychology or anything. Watching it again in a much better mood, I can see it for what it really is; awesome. The match is all about HHH wanting to end the streak or die trying, and Undertaker wanting to prove to HHH that is ISN’T his time to go yet. So HHH does what he does best; be a ruthless cunt who will destroy his opponent at any cost, while Undertaker continues to fight back and kick out of anything The Game throws at him. If they had started slow, locking up and “wrestling” at the beginning, it really would have been dumb given the context of the feud, so I for one am glad that they went all out from the start. Helps that they are executing everything so well too. At some point Undertaker gets a Chokeslam in, but nobody in their right mind believes that its over lol. A Pedigree shows up too, and it too isn’t that great as a false finish, just because of what Undertaker and HBK did the last 2 years. The Last Ride spot, while again not the best false finish, was still cool because it was a great throwback to WM 17, as Undertaker defeated HHH that way 10 years ago at this very event. Undertaker getting frustrated was great to see. His character as the last outlaw might not look too different on the surface, but he really is been shown as more “human” than usual, and given the feud with Undertaker not accepting HHH’s statement that he’s done, getting frustrated like this at not being able to put HHH away really adds to the story of the match. If a Last Ride, and then a TOMBSTONE can’t put HHH away… can Undertaker do it? Can he hold on to his streak? DRAMA~! The second Pedigree is a way better false finish than the first. Like the Tombstone, it’s one of THE most protected finishers in the entire industry really (though other companies tend to use the Tombstone every now and then and NOT finish a match with it…). So seeing 2 of them not work, and then a THIRD in a very short period of time after the second one also not work was just amazing. I always go into these matches expecting Undertaker to win, but every so often a certain spot in certain matches over the last few years really makes me think that the Streak might end this time. That third Pedigree was one of those moments along with the last Superkick in WM 26 before Undertaker eventually won. MOAR Throwbacks in the match (which I LOVE btw) with HHH using the steel chair similar to how Austin used it on The Rock at WM 17 when Rocky kept kicking out of the Stunner, and then the “stay down” which was a throwback to WM 26 when Undertaker told HHH’s best friend HBK to stay down. Makes the match that much better that Undertaker actually finished HBK off after telling him to stay down and he didn’t, so with HHH saying it maybe he would actually get the win! Undertaker’s selling in this match NEEDS to be talked about too. The man really is one of the better sellers IN THE WORLD today, and has been for a number of years, even with the Dead Man gimmick. He can make things believable while still being able to be the “other worldly” character. Here he comes across as more human, as I mentioned earlier, and his selling is just impeccable. You really get the feeling that he’s at death’s door and the next big move could end his streak, and his life (kayfabe of course). And then there is the Tombstone. From HHH. Good GOD. I’m struggling to decide which is better; Tombstone kick out by HBK at WM 25, or this one. The crowd has been pretty shitty most of the night, but picked up for this match, and when Undertaker kicked out of that Tombstone they went ballistic. Almost as if THEY, like me, believed that it was over. And then it wasn’t. And it was awesome. Just as Undertaker was getting frustrated with HHH kicking out of shit, HHH begins to get that same feeling, and resorts to bringing out the Sledgehammer. He drags Undertaker to the centre of the ring, and informs the Dead Man that “Its time”. And Undertaker sticks him in Hells Gate! What a struggle this is too, with HHH trying to hang on, trying to escape. At one point he grabs that Sledgehammer, and we know that just one shot from that and it could be it for The Undertaker… but HHH is fading fast, and the Sledgehammer drops. The hammer hits the mat, and then The Game taps out. I would have preferred for HHH to simply “pass out” to really put over the “die trying” mentality that he had going into the match, but it’s a minor complaint really. Damn. Definitely, DEFINITELY enjoyed this more on this re-watch. A LOT more. A fucking TON more. This is fantastic. Truly epic. The storytelling is off the charts, the action is incredible, and the finish (while not 100% perfect) is great. This was one hell of a battle, and the selling from both men, but especially The Undertaker, is out of this world. Hell, I’ve been reading all day from numerous sites that a LOT of people believed that Undertaker was legit hurt and out of it. I just have to wonder what’s next for Undertaker after the way he was taken to the back. ****3/4.

Match 7 – John Morrison, Trish Stratus & Snookie Vs LayCool & Dolph Ziggler – NO.

Match 8 – The Miz Vs John Cena – Miz gets a great video package… while Cena is made to look like some sort of messiah or something. The fuck? I guess “Cenation” will be a religion by the end of the year… I went into this match with low expectations… and they did nothing to exceed them. This is just bad. Dull. Best way to describe this one. Only thing I can say positive about it is… ummm.. the F-U kickout from The Miz. As far as the F-U goes, being a fucking shitty move and all, it was probably one of the best Cena has done in terms of impact, and Miz kicking out of it was a shock. The double countout thing was shit, but if ANYONE honestly expected WWE to end the main event of WM like this, then you must be a TNA fan. Rock comes out (because, you know, he hasn’t taken up much time on this show yet) and talks again… Raw GM says something. Rock ignores it and somehow gains the power to make matches because he’s the guest host of WM, and the match restarts. Rock Bottom to Cena. Miz wins. I am shocked at the outcome. Miz celebrates. Rock beats him up. WM ends with Rock celebrating. WAY TO RUIN WM FOR ME ROCK! Worst. WM Main Event. Ever. 1/4*.

Match 1 – R-Truth & John Morrison Vs The Big Show & The Miz – Unified tag titles on the line in the opener here. How the fuck did Miz go from opening WM to main eventing WM in a year? Guy deserves to be on the pre-show at best. Useless Jiz. Match is short, thankfully, but given the time it gets, it’s a surprisingly good and fun tag contest. I say surprising because everyone bar Show sucks. And Show is definitely the MVP of the match as well, which isn’t a surprise because like I said, everyone else involved in the match sucks lol. Not much else to say really. **.

Match 2 – Ted DiBiase Vs Cody Rhodes Vs Randy Orton – Oh god this looks so dull and generic on paper. Which is exactly how all 3 wrestlers look, and how I could describe their “characters” at the time. Hell none of them have really changed that much. Rhodes had a chance with the mask thing but then they gave him a moustache and assumed that was all he needed. This match is dull as shit. Not surprising though tbh. *.

Match 3 – Kofi Kingston Vs Jack Swagger Vs Christian Vs MVP Vs Shelton Benjamin Vs Drew McIntyre Vs Matt Hardy Vs Dolph Ziggler Vs Kane Vs Evan Bourne – Fuck me, how many bloody guy do they need to put in this match lol? Boy, this match was… there. No spots or moments that really stand out to me enough to mention. Swagger wins, after spending half an hour unhooking the briefcase (which obviously was edited from the DVD lol). And that’s that. Think this might be worse than WM 22’s MITB match. **.

Match 4 – Sheamus Vs Triple H – Huh, did Sheamus get less pale over the years? STRAPPING, BURLEY AND STRONG! That’s how Michael Cole describes Sheamus. TIE YOUR MOTHER DOWN, HERE COMES TRIPLE H. Uhhh, Striker, that was QUEEN. Triple H is the KING OF KINGS. I kinda get it, but yeah, not quite there lol. This is a good, solid match. It’s all about Sheamus wanting to make his mark on the WWE in his first year. He already “ended careers”, beat CENA for the WWE title, and now he wants to beat The Game on the grandest stage of them all. And he does a pretty awesome job of really beating the fuck out of him too. He’s HHH’s boy so obviously HHH is gonna make sure he looks good, but most importantly, despite getting a huge push so early in his career without really deserving it, Sheamus really holds up his own. And Sheamus would continue to improve over the next year or so and by 2012 would legitimately be one of the best workers in the company. Definitely a top 3 guy in the company that year based on great TV matches and PPV performances. In the end, HHH manages to get the win, but only just. Match felt like they had been through a small war by the end, and even though Sheamus lost he came out looking great. Did exactly what it was intended to do. Wasn’t great by any means, but definitely a GOOD contest at WM. ***.

Match 5 – CM Punk Vs Rey Mysterio – Oh look, Rey is dressed like a complete tit again. DRESS NORMAL AT WM YOU TWAT. Good job the guy is talented lol! Punk is in his SES phase at this time, and if Rey loses he must join them. Rey is fighting the odds right from the start, constantly getting distracted by Serina… Sarina… the bald chick and Luke Gallows (DOC), allowing Punk to control the match. Match isn’t that long here, but reminds me of Rey/Hardy from WM 19 in a way. They don’t get the length of match they deserved, but they manage to fit as much as possible into the match as they can without it becoming just a bunch of moves with each guy trying to fit stuff in for the sake of it. SES play a great part on the outside, constantly screwing up Rey’s comeback attempts, until it finally backfires on Punk and Mysterio gets the win. I never really understood the booking behind this whole feud though. They just kept throwing Punk under the bus, when surely it would have been FAR more interesting for them to have had Punk like… WIN at some point, and make Rey join the SES. Then you can play up on Mysterio having to follow Punk, deal with morals and shit, and then finally after a few months get a chance for redemption by once again facing Punk for his freedom. Instead Rey won, then Rey won, and Rey won, then Show destroyed the SES and shit went to hell. Ah well, we got some good matches out of it at least, and this was one of them. ***1/4.

Match 6 – Vince McMahon Vs Bret Hart – Oh sweet jebus no. If you’ve seen it you’ll understand. NO.

Match 7 – Chris Jericho Vs Edge – A year ago they formed a tag team and became tag champs, and were set to go on a big run with the belts. Then Edge got injured. Fast forward to the RR, Edge returns and wins! At the EC, Jericho wins the WHC and that sets up this match because Jericho mocked Edge for getting injured or something. The main build for this is Edge screaming SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR for like 2 months. Yeah that didn’t get tiring. I WAS BEING SARCASTIC. Edge is the RATER R SOUP-R-STAR. LOL at Matt Striker. THEY ARE BOTH FROM CANADA SO THEY TRAINED TOGETHER AND TRAVELLED TOGETHER. Yeah I don’t think it quite works like that. Did Regal and Barrett train together? They’re both from England so I guess so! Gotta love the dead crowd here, only getting into the parts of the match where Jericho is doing something to hurt Edge. First 3/4 of this match is honestly pretty dull though, regardless of the crowd giving a shit or not. There was no reason for them to get into the match, nor me. Then Jericho counters a Spear with the Code Breaker and things pick up. Mainly because instead of pointless back and forth shit, Jericho actually gets to control the match. Back and forth stuff can be great, and can even make for a good match if that’s the main structure, but that didn’t fit this match at all. Was always gonna be about Jericho going after the recent injury of Edge, with Edge desperately trying to hold on and somehow beat Jericho to make his return mean something. Just a shame they took so long to get into all that. Then as things are picking up, Jericho decks Edge with the title belt, Edge kicks out, another Code Breaker and this one is over. Damn. Really liked this on last watch. Hell, so far this entire event is not living up to my memory of it. Used to consider it a top 3 ‘Mania. Not even with the main event with this make it even close to that. Shame. **.

Match 8 – Michelle McCool, Vickie Guerrero, Alicia Fox, Layla & Maryse Vs Beth Phoenix, Kelly Kelly, Mickie James, Gail Kim & Eve Torres – NO.

Match 9 – John Cena Vs Batista – WWE Title match! Focus of the match is on Cena’s neck, as the last time these two faced (SummerSlam 08), Cena got his neck injured and actually had to take TIME OFF. Shocking I know. Batista does a great job attacking the neck, and at one point hits a real sick looking DDT that honestly looked a little botched, not in the sense that it didn’t look good, but that it looked like Cena really did get fucked up from it lol. Despite Batista’s good work though, Cena’s superman shit keeps screwing the match up a little. For example, Batista counters the 5 Knuckle Shuffle with a Spinebuster, and seconds later Cena has Batista locked in the STFU like nothing happened to him. Kinda like HHH/Batista from Backlash 05, where HHH did some fucking awesome back work to Batista, then Batista completely murdered the match by ignoring it completely for the finish. Well ok, nowhere near as bad here as Cena still sells the neck in between all his little superman comebacks, but still, I don’t like him shrugging it off for a few minutes while he does something then decides to go back to selling when it suits him. MASSIVE Batista Bomb, which should have ended the match, but Cena is winning so he had to kick out, and Batista’s shock face makes up for it all anyway lol. Cena ruins shit again though by no selling the Batista Bomb to not only counter another one, but then counter the counter to his counter (you following this?) with a stupid strength spot leading into another F-U (Or AA by this point). Thank FUCK Batista kicked out of it because it looked retarded. OH MY GOD CENA STOP IT! He comes off the ropes, gets caught in a massive Spinebuster, and again completely fucking ignores it, counters a Batista Bomb attempt, locks in th STFU and wins. FUCK YOU. Batista brought all sorts of awesomeness to this match and Cena cancelled it out. I’m far from a Cena hater when it comes to his ring work, but matches like this make me at least understand why people don’t like him. He completely fucked up everything Batista was doing. Sell? Nah, SUPERMAN COMEBACK! Urgh. Hard to rate this one. Cena was terrible and Batista was awesome. **3/4.

Match 10 – The Undertaker Vs Shawn Michaels – Fuck YES. When it was getting towards the end of the show, and only this match and the WWE Title match were left, I assumed the title match would end the show. And then the Title match happened first. People can complain all they want about the fact that the title should have main evented the show, but fuck it. They’ve done it before, and the matches they had in place of a title match at the main event were fucking shit (HHH/Jericho, HHH/Orton etc). Last year this match didn’t main event, and the matches that had to follow it were fucked. The crowd were dead after cheering so much, and everything fell flat. And with the rematch being billed as an even bigger match, with HBK’s career on the line, it was obvious that nothing would be able to follow it again, so WWE made the right choice this year. Oh, and to anyone thinking that the “credibility” of the titles might be affected by not main eventing WM… what credibility? Having the belts change hands every month near enough doesn’t make the belts credible to start with. Besides, it’s all fake :P. It’s funny how last year when I watched HBK/Undertaker live, I didn’t think it was as great as I do now. It was only when I watched it again that I loved it even more. But with this match, watching it live I was marking out like a little kid, and I quickly threw ***** at it. Now I just have to see if that rating will stick on this watch. The marking out began for me when Undertaker made his entrance with his fancy new coat. It just looks… cool lol. I like to interpret him wearing it and having the hood on as him looking like the Grim Reaper or something, and he is here to inform Shawn Michaels that his career is over. Undertaker probably just wore it because it looked cool, but hey, I can turn almost anything Undertaker does into a logical positive :P. Both men stare each other down before the match starts, and Shawn gives Undertaker the cut throat sign, symbolising that he intends to end the Streak. Undertaker didn’t like that, so he charges out of the corner, and we get a similar start to their match last year, only at a MUCH quicker pace. After last year, both men know exactly what to expect from the other, so they are clearly trying to finish this thing as soon as possible before they potentially make a mistake. Speaking of mistakes… Old School from The Undertaker, and when he lands, his knee gives out. Either Undertaker really did hurt his knee (and it wouldn’t surprise me, his knees are fucked), or he did the best job at selling an injury since Christian in his ECW match with Swagger last year (thank you Viva for that one lol). Shawn takes advantage with a kick, but Undertaker is still too strong and remains in control for now. But then Shawn fakes a Superkick, and when Undertaker flinches (nice throw back to last year’s match), his knee again buckles under him. Shawn sees this and gets a smirk. Yeah, he already knew that Undertaker hurt his knee, but in the back of his mind he could have been thinking that Undertaker was taking a page out of HBK’s book by faking an injury (again, a nice throw back to last year’s match where Shawn tried it). But when Undertaker was still seemingly in pain, Shawn realised that the Dead Man was indeed hurt. And this is where I was able to suspend my belief and just watch the match as nothing more than a fan, a mark, an idiot (or moron, or just plain stupid, I forget which word was mentioned earlier in reference to someone being able to suspend their belief during this match) whatever the hell you want to call me… and I couldn’t decide who was going to win. Shawn was fighting for his career, and Undertaker was hurt. Similar to last year with Undertaker’s dive over the ropes, only this time Shawn, like I just mentioned, is fight for his entire career. He has to be more determined than ever before. As hurt as The Undertaker is, and despite how it turned out last year, the Dead Man STILL attempts to dive over the ropes, but Shawn clips the knee and goes right back to work on it. This is WrestleMania though, and no matter how hurt Undertaker is, he will never stop fighting. Shawn hits the flying forearm, kips up, and walks right into a Chokeslam! Undertaker knows that Shawn always likes to kip up following that move, so he scouted it and capitalised on it. Shawn comes back, takes Undertaker to the outside, but Undertaker continues to battle through the pain, and he channels WrestleMania 8 against Jake Roberts, and Tombstone’s Shawn on the floor!!! Undertaker rolls Shawn in the ring, and goes for a quick cover, but Shawn kicks out. I didn’t think it was over there, and from the reaction of the crowd, neither did they. Considering the time Shawn had to recover, and the fact he kicked out of one last year, I don’t think anyone saw it as a credible finish. More tremendous selling from Undertaker when he collapses while trying to hit the Last Ride. Shawn uses this time to go for an elbow drop, but Undertaker gets his knees up! Again, The Undertaker sells tremendously when Shawn lands on his knees. Hells Gate is locked in, but Shawn counters it! I guess you could put it down to two things here; Shawn making sure he does everything he can to save his career, and Undertaker’s knee being so screwed up that he didn’t have full control of the move. A couple of back and forth finishers between the two now, with a couple of near falls, and while I did get caught up in the moment watching it live, this time I’m not as into them lol. Yeah, even watching live I knew they weren’t going to end the match, but seeing it happen for the first time was just better than on a re-watch. Still isn’t taking anything away from the match for me though. The table is set up for a table spot, which I predicted as soon as it was announced there were no DQ’s or Countouts. Loved what they did with it too, teasing a Last Ride, Superkicking ‘Taker onto the table, and then having Shawn hit a fucking incredible moonsault. Now, was Shawn SUPPOSED to land on Undertaker’s knees, or was he supposed to land on his chest as usual? I don’t know, but honestly I don’t care. Undertaker sold his legs again like fucking crazy, and it fit in perfectly with the story of Undertaker’s legs being fucked. So honestly I don’t care if it was a “botch” or not. Like the dive last year, it ADDED to the match rather than hurt it. And now the part where I nearly had a heart attack (it happened last year, and dammit, it happened again this year lol). Following the moonsault through the table, Undertaker was nearly done. So Shawn tried to end it once and for all with a huge Superkick, and I honestly believed 100% that it was over. When Undertaker kicked out I legit cheered lol. When a match can make me CHEER at my TV when I am sat watching it at home, you know it’s doing something right! My heart continues to take a pounding when Undertaker hits a second Tombstone, and Shawn manages to do what he failed to do last year… kick out! Not even close to the Tombstone kick out from last year, but it still did its job. And now for the finish. Beautiful. Perhaps my favourite finish to any match ever. Undertaker pulls down the straps, goes to signal for another Tombstone, but looks down at Shawn and stops. He tells Shawn to stay down, almost like he knows what he has to do, but doesn’t want to do it. He already said in a promo during the build up to the match that he wouldn’t take pleasure in ending Shawn’s career, and it came across so well right here. So you ask, WHY? Why wouldn’t Undertaker want to end Shawn’s career? Unlike 1997/1998 when they first feuded, last year’s match and this year’s match had NOTHING to do with sheer hatred. It was about the Streak last year, with Shawn wanting to prove he could end it. This year it was about the Streak once again, but with Shawn NEEDING to end it more than just proving he can. And The Undertaker had to respect Shawn for going to these lengths to try and do both. So Undertaker had sympathy for Shawn… but Shawn wasn’t going down without fighting until the very end. He wasn’t going to just give up. He gave the cut throat taunt once again, just like he did at the start of the match, and SLAPPED the Dead Man across his face! In a lot of ways, it was like Flair/HBK from WM 24. Shawn didn’t really want to land that last Superkick, but Flair basically begged him to do so, and Shawn was essentially begging Undertaker to finish it here too. So Undertaker does, and he does it with perhaps the biggest and best Tombstone of his career. He literally jumped in the air, and came crashing down with Shawn going head first into the match. 1… 2… 3! Good GOD! What a motherfucking masterpiece of a match. Best WrestleMania match ever. The story, the emotion, the action, the intensity… everything was there, and everything was perfect. *****.