Month: August 2015

No Way Out 2008

The #1 Ramble was No Mercy 2008. The #101 Ramble is the beginning of the rest of 2008! I’m shocked I’ve made it this far haha.

Fake It by Seether is the PPV theme, and probably the only Seether song I’ve ever liked.

CM Punk Vs Chavo Guerrero – ECW Championship Match

Urgh, not a good way to start off the show. Chavo. Fuck off.

Ain’t even gonna attempt to watch this.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

MIKE ADAMLE INTERVIEW~! I hope he botches something .

HOW DID IT HAPPER? He botched!!!

Floyd Mayweather shows up. I forgot this was the PPV with THAT angle .

The Undertaker Vs Batista Vs Finlay Vs Big Daddy V Vs The Great Khali Vs MVP – World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contenders Elimination Chamber Match

a match involving Undertaker, FINLAY and Batista . Shame Khali and MVP bring it down. I like DBV though .

Undertaker and Batista kick this match off, as they add another chapter to their year long rivalry .

2 big bastards beating the fuck out of each other. RASSLIN’ don’t get much better than thiUs!

Undertaker is destroying Big Dave. Punching his face in, kicking his knees to shit, and occasionally standing on his throat. GOAT.

It’s time for another superstar to enter the match and it’s THE GREAT KHA… no wait it’s Big Daddy V. Someone apparently can’t operate a fecking LIGHT properly . YOU HAD ONE JOB!!!

Big Daddy V is yet another big bastard looking to beat the fuck out of the two big bastards already in the ring . Why couldn’t this just be a 4 way? Take out Khali and MVP and this would be fucking epic.

I used to have legitimate NIGHTMARES about Big Daddy V, back when he was Viscera. I would be running away from him at the warehouse I worked in at the time, and he was chasing me down and would eventually corner me to suffocate me to death with his FAT lol. I think it’s because I’m a little claustrophobic lol.

UNDERTAKER JUST SENT THROUGH THE DOOR AND TO THE FLOOR~! Wonder if that was supposed to happen lol.

BDV is fucking DOMINATING both Undertaker and Batista. That’s impressive .

Speaking of impressive… SPINEBUSTER TO BIG DADDY V~!

DDT ON THE STEEL FLOOR BY UNDERTAKER~! Big Daddy V is DEAD, and Batista steals the pin, eliminating the widest man in the match!!! Bah.

Just as he’s gone, we get stuck with The Great Khali of all fucking people. We went from a super fun FATTY to a giant useless twat. I swear he botches a fucking CHOP less than 30 seconds into the match.

YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chants .

KHALI BOMB~!

UNDERTAKER KICKS OUT!!!

Khali tries to pull a MOUNTAIN by squashing Batista’s head with his bare hands, but Khali ain’t no Strongman and he fails miserably.

OMG IT’S THAT SUBMISSION MANOEUVRE~!

Which submussion manoeuvre?

THAT SUBMISSION MANOEUVRE~!

Khali taps out! Yes! Yes! YES! YES!

FINLAY TIME .

He comes charging out of the pod and… runs right into a high knee from Undertaker .

A second running high knee sends Undertaker crashing and burning into the corner though! CELTIC CROSS~! But the DEAD MAN kicks out and continues on his quest to become the number 1 contender for the WHC at WM!!!

Can we just keep MVP locked in the pod? Not like anyone thought he would win lol. We currently have UNDERTAKER Vs FINLAY Vs BATISTA. We don’t need nobody else!

Finlay is mauling the Dead Man! And it’s fucking awesome, because both guys are awesome. AWESOME. Did I mention awesome? No? Because like, it is. And they are. AWESOME.

Undertaker gets smashed through one of the pods . Man, Undertaker has taken one hell of a fucking beating in this match so far! And he’s still on his feet fighting back!

Ha, MVP seems to be trying to take my advice by staying in his pod . But Undertaker breaks in and rapes his face. With his fist.

THERE’S THAT KICK!!! What kick? THAT KICK! Well, this match is full of moves with no names!

I believe it’s called the drive by though. And I’m not sure, but I does believe it had that name for some time BEFORE this event. LOL.

BLOOD~! No PG shit here! Undertaker is bleeding from the head, and keeps demanding that MVP punch him in the face! MVP realises that his punches aren’t worth shit, and tries to escape by climbing on top of a pod. Big mistake. CHOKESLAM FROM THE POD~! Finlay steals the pin and MVP is GONE .

Back to an epic triple threat . Also, Undertaker is technically responsible for eliminating EVERYONE so far. His DDT to BDV allowed Batista to pin him. He tapped out Khali. And then the chokeslam allowed Finlay to eliminate MVP.

Hornswoggle’s head shows up from a small gap in one of the corners, hands Finlay the Sheleighly and… Finlay ends up with a chokeslam on the steel . Undertaker with ANOTHER elimination!!!

Down to the final 2, and its back to where we started; Undertaker Vs Batista . God I love simple shit like this, when they work off a previous feud. They battled through 2007, Edge ended up getting involved and stealing the title from them both, and now to gain a shot at Edge for the belt they have to go through each other again .

Crowd are super into this whole thing .

BATISTA BOMB~!

Batista is heading to WM!!!

1…

2…

KICK OUT!!! KICK OUT! BAH GAWD THE UNDERTAKER KICKED OUT~!

*sigh* Obvious corner Last Ride set up. Thankfully that isn’t the finish .

The ACTUAL finish is fucking

The Undertaker fucking OWNED this match. Either personally eliminating people or performing the move that would get someone eliminated. He’s going to WM and it’s more than deserved!!!

Awesome chamber match. Not even MVP or Khali could stop it being awesome!!!

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

Teddy Long bans the EDGEHEADS from ringside tonight. Whatever.

Some weird Baywatch parody with Kelly Kelly and a fat guy. In the end Mae Young makes out with him instead. This was to advertise WM. I don’t get it.

And then a video showing Maria and Ashley at a Playboy party. Ashley is trying to convince Maria to pose for Playboy. Times sure have changed lol.

Ric Flair Vs Mr Kennedy – Career Threatening Match

If Flair loses, he must retire! A month before WM. Because that’s totally what would happen .

Kennedy does Flair’s strut. Not the first time he’s impersonated a professional wrestler .

Flair has a bad wheel coming into this match, so Kennedy focuses on that, which is smart. FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK AROUND THE RING POST~! Always love that version of the move . Even when Kennedy does it.

Kennedy is… well he’s just there when it comes to offence. Basic leg work mainly. But Flair is awesome . At one point, in a normal Figure Four, he’s screaming in pain and biting his fucking HANDS to take his mind off his leg pain. Flair showing that even a month away from “retirement”, he’s still a billion times better than Kennedy!

Figure Four on Kennedy, and Flair keeps his career for a little while longer.

This isn’t awful… it’s just… a TV opener match at best, not something that should be on PPV.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Edge Vs Rey Mysterio – World Heavyweight Championship Match

A rematch from the RR. And this time Rey is injured. Yey…

Floyd Mayweather is at ringside. Was he a cunt back then too? Always a cocky bastard yeah, but he beats his wife now too, right? Urgh. No wonder the fans were behind THE BIG SHOW at WM.

Rey is trying to keep his injured arm away from Edge, while someone building some offense. What’s worse is that it’s his RIGHT arm that’s fucked.

It isn’t long before Mysterio gets caught and goes arm first into the steel steps. Ah well, you tried, Rey .

Nothing much happens, and then they repeat the finish from the RR. Yawn. Might have been fun had Rey not been injured.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

Thankfully though, the AFTERMATH of this match is fucking . THE BIG SHOW RETURNS! AND HE’S SLIMMED DOWN!!! He acts like a good guy and then… tries to kill Rey .

FLOYD MAYWEATHER GETS IN THE RING. HE PUNCHES THE SHIT OUT OF BIG SHOW!!! BIG SHOW IS BLEEDING AND CHASES AFTER FLOYD, WHO IS LITERALLY RUNNING FOR HIS FUCKING LIFE .

This was a tremendous, awesome segment, and set up one hell of a super fun match at WM .

Randy Orton Vs John Cena – WWE Championship Match

.

Yes, I didn’t put that in by mistake. I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO A CENA VS ORTON MATCH!!!

So, some backstory on this match. Cena and Orton were feuding from SummerSlam onwards in 2007. Cena got injured. In his absence, Orton won the title. Cena returned (very) early at the RR and won. And he ain’t gonna wait for WM… he wants Orton NOW! Sorry, he wants Orton at NWO!!!

Cena is back and wants his title. While Orton NEEDS to beat Cena. He is the champion, but he didn’t win it by beating Cena. He has to beat Cena to prove to HIMSELF that he is the better man.

Early on, Cena keeps going for quick pins, seemingly to mess with Orton psychologically. He knows that Orton is determined to BEAT HIM here tonight, and every time Cena gets a 2 count, he’s telling Orton that he’s only 1 away from LOSING to him instead.

Nice to see Orton and Cena wrestle and the fans being vocal about the match but in a POSITIVE way lol.

Orton takes a while to really get going, but when he does, he’s vicious as fuck .

However, no matter how VICIOUS Orton seems to be, Cena just won’t stay down. They end up battling on the floor, and nearly get counted out!

at Orton’s face after the both charge into the ring to break the 9 count. He looks like he’s thinking “WHAT THE FUCK, JOHN? YOU NEARLY GOT COUNTED OUT. I WANT TO BEAT YOU PROPERLY YOU FUCK” .

Again, Orton regains control, but Cena is like the fucking TERMINATOR. STFU, and Orton barely makes it to the ropes. It’s here when he realises that perhaps he CAN’T beat Cena, and demands the referee counts him out! Cena comes out to see what the fuck is happening and… walks into an RKO OUT OF NOWHERE!!!

Orton looks pleased with himself, almost like it was his plan all along. Ok, so he wasn’t able to keep Cena down for a pin or make him submit, but maybe he can still BEAT Cena via countout!

The ref gets to 9… and Cena makes it back in!!!

And then it happens. One of the greatest DQ endings of ALL TIME. Orton smiles at Cena, then SLAPS THE REFEREE!!! He is DQ’d, and technically loses the match, but fuck it, he’s STILL THE CHAMPION!!!

Love the fuck out of this match still. It isn’t a wrestling holds clinic, but it has a wonderful story that keeps evolving as the match goes on, and the finish is fucking perfect.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

Triple H Vs Shawn Michaels Vs Chris Jericho Vs JBL Vs Umaga Vs Jeff Hardy – WWE Championship #1 Contenders Elimination Chamber Match

HBK and Jericho start this match off. The first chamber match tonight started off with 2 men who had just feuded for the better part of the previous year. This time it’s starting with 2 people who would go on to feud for the better part of the current year!!!

Sweet counter to the elbow drop by Jericho, who gets his knees up, forcing HBK to smash his elbows into Jericho’s knees! In reality though, Jericho’s knees would also be fucked .

YOUMANGA is the first man to be released from his pod!

DOUBLE SAMOAN DROP~!

HBK is bleeding and… I have NO IDEA when it happened .

WALLS OF JERICHO AND CROSSFACE APPLIED TO UMAGA AT THE SAME TIME~!

JBL comes in and throws some nice punches.

HHH is out next. Man, this match so far has NOTHING on the first one. I’m finding bugger all to write about lol.

Umaga gets thrown head first into the steel post! Clothesline from Hell to HHH! Code Breaker to JBL, and he is the first to be eliminated! Most exciting part of the match so far .

JBL is PISSED that he lost, and returns to the ring with a steel chair and murders everyone!!!

Yey now everyone is bleeding and hurt and very slowly trying to stand up. THAT’LL MAKE THINGS INTERESTING.

Hardy is the final man to be released from his POD~! Maybe he can add some excitement to this one.

He spends about 30 seconds of the first minute he’s in the match in the air! He’s flying around all over the place, until Umaga kicks his fucking head off .

BLACK HOLE SLAM FROM THE MONSTER ABY… UMAGA!

UMAGA SMASHED JERICHO THROUGH A POD WITH HIS ARSE~!

SUPERKICK TO UMAGA! CODE BREAKER! PEDIGREE! SWANTON BOMB FROM THE TOP OF A POD! UMAGA IS ELIMINATED~!

SUPERKICK TO JERICHO! JERICHO IS ELIMINATED~!

TWIST OF FATE TO HBK! PEDIGREE! HBK IS ELIMINATED~!

Lol, most fun part of this match has been 3 eliminations in a row within like a minute .

Hardy misses a Swanton and gets Pedigreed, and THE GAME is going to WM… NO!!! HARDY KICKED OUT! HARDY KICKED OUT!!! I HONESTLY THOUGHT THAT WAS THE FINISH!!!

Twist of Fate gets reversed and Hardy gets smashed back first onto the steel chair, then gets Pedigreed on it!

AND NOW HHH GOES TO WM!

Meh. Not too bothered about this match. I remember it being better. But honestly it was kinda dull outside of the eliminations that mostly happened all at once.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Overall CAL SCALE – 12.5

Backlash 2007

Man, Backlash always used to be such a STACKED show, didn’t it? Maybe because they needed a good reason for people to spend another *however much PPV’s cost* usually in the same month as WM?

The Hardy Boys Vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch – World Tag Team Championship Match

Alright, we start off with what should be a pretty sweet tag match on paper!

Love me some Hardy tag matches, and Cade & Murdoch felt like such an “old school” tag team which is something I always liked about em.

Matt and Jeff are on a roll early on, getting a prolonged babyface shine period compared to your average tag match. And it’s a ton of fun.

Then the power and BRAWLINGNESS(c) of their opponents sends them on the defence.

Cade & Murdoch are pretty awesome at just beating the fuck out of anyone in the ring with them. Like I said, they feel like a real old school tag team, and this really is something I’d expect to see in the mid 80’s with The Rockers against Dick Murdoch and… whoever the fuck teamed up with him (seriously, how many partners did DICK have lol?).

Hot tag feels a little cold, which is somewhat surprising giving it’s THE HARDY BOYS. Maybe just more disappointing, I dunno.

JEFF JUST DIED~! He was doing the old “jump off of Matt into the opponent in the corner”, but Cade moved Murdoch out of the way and Jeff crashed and burned HARD.

CANADIAN DESTRO… SUNSET FLIP~!

Finish kinda comes out of nowhere too… huh.

Well this wasn’t quite what I was hoping tbh. Hot tag and finish fell flat for me, but everything else was really good. Just could have been better in those couple of places.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

UMAGA IS BREATHING HEAVY~!

Melina Vs Mickie James – WWE Women’s Championship Match

MELINA FAP FAP FAP.

MICKIE JAMES FAP FAP FAP .

I think I might actually watch this match, it could be good!

No seriously, it could be good .

Both women are showcasing their WRESTLING SKILLS early on, and they are both pretty good at it. Melina isn’t someone I’d always praise for her in ring work (she’s a tremendous manager on the outside though), but she looks great here. She fakes getting something in her eye then fucking BLASTS Mickie in the face with an elbow .

Man, how often does Mickie take a big bump off the ropes to the floor? Not often you see the female wrestlers in WWE do anything like that. Most struggle to take a decent bump off the fucking apron lol.

MELINA USING HER LEGS . She’s got a fucking FULL NELSON applied using her LEGS. I think that might be the best thing I’ve ever seen.

MICKIE AND MELINA BOTH DO THE SPLITS THEN HAVE A BACK AND FORTH PUNCH BATTLE . Ok, THAT might be the best thing I’ve ever seen!!!

SCORPION DEATH DROP BY MELINA~! And she retains her title!

Yup, this was indeed a good match . Glad I watched it.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Maria interviews Edge, then pulls out some paper from between her tits . Someone asked her to ask Edge the question “how did you win your first title”, and of course Edge talks about cashing in MITB and whatnot. Turns out that MIIIIIISSSSSSTEEEEERRRR KEEEENEEEDDDDYYYYYY. KEEEEEEEEEEEENEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYY was the one that asked about it. He’s the current MITB holder at this time btw. For people who forgot.

MVP Vs Chris Benoit – WWE United States Championship Match

Huh, forgot this match existed. Only remember them having the WM match (which was decent at best) and then their 2/3 falls match (which was garbage). Is this the one people tend to call good? I fucking hope so.

JBL calls MVP the future of this sport. If only he could see into the future . Anyone else remember the reports going around the interwebs around this time about MVP? Saying how people backstage respected and liked him because he would watch and study tapes of matches from the likes of Benoit and Eddie etc so he could learn as much as possible. Shame he didn’t learn anything .

these two guys had a match on SD days before? Sure, MVP walked out on the match but still… come on. Are we gonna get Lesnar Vs Reigns on Smackdown before WM? People would probably prefer that to them having a match at WM, actually. Fuck those people. I kinda wanna see them go at it. Not expecting some great match, but hey, there is a good chance it won’t suck. Unlike this match which has a high chance of sucking because MVP is awful. He’s totally the worst Power Ranger.

Only thing I’ve enjoyed in the first 5 or so minutes is an overhead belly to belly suplex by MVP.

GERMAN SUPLEXES~!

MVP does some stuff.

GERMAN SUPLEXES~!

MVP does some stuff.

GERMAN SUPLEXES~!

MVP does some stuff.

Small package from Benoit. Match is over.

Well. This wasn’t bad or anything. Wasn’t great either. Just… there. I could easily live with myself if I never saw or spoke about this match ever again lol.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Orton tries to make a move on Cena.

Bobby Lashley Vs Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon & Umaga – ECW Championship Match

Well Lashley manages to not kill himself in the first minute, so that’s good . Fuck me though, he lifts and throws Shane around like he’s nothing. Wonder how powerful the guy actually is. We need a wrestler’s version of World’s Strongest Man. Get Lesnar, Henry, Big Show, Cena, Lashley, Kane, Cesaro and a couple of others and have them running with anvils and lifting Atlas Stones! Hell, some wrestlers have competed in the competitions in the past! Billy Graham, Ken Patera and Jerry Blackwell lol. Oh and Henry won the first Arnold Strongman competition, but I’ll still claim that was set up for him to win.

So as we get a few minutes into this match, Lashley is still dominating and making Shane and Umaga look useless as he tries his best to get to Vince.

The numbers end up costing Lashley control of the match, and now the SAMOAN BULLDOZER can maul Big Black Boabby Lashley.

Shane controlling Lashley with an MMA submission hold. Does Lashley still fight btw? Has he gone up against anyone worth a damn yet? How about the first ever triple threat MMA match? Punk Vs Lashley Vs Lesnar!!!

BEAR HUG~! GIVE THIS MATCH A MILLION STARS~!

WWE ban Piledrivers and shit because they are dangerous, but don’t do anything about Bear Hugs? Do they have any idea how dangerous they are to the RATINGS?!??!

Shane is looking awesome in this match. He tags in after the bear hug and a Samoan Drop, then just fucking unloads with forearms onto Bobby’s back and he looks more brutal and stiffer than the rest of the roster at the time bar like Finlay, Regal and Benoit.

Lashley’s come back is nice, even if the set up was escaping a booooring rest hold. Shane continues to impress me with his bumping ability.

SPEAR TO UMAGA~!

LASHLEY GETS HOLD OF VINCE~! Powerslam coming up and… Shane grabs his leg to stop him, and Umaga decks him.

ECW TITLE TO THE FACE~! Shane could win the match, but Vince wants to be the ECW champion!!!

1…2… KICK OUT~!

Well, if the title to the face doesn’t do it, the Samoan Bulldozer will!

SPASH FROM THE ROPES~!

1…2… KICK OUT~!

Lashley does not want to lose the ECW title!

Vince sends Umaga back in to finish the job once and for all.

ANOTHER SPLASH~!

Vince tags in, makes another cover and…

THE NEW ECW CHAMPION… VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON!!!

A mostly fun match. Shane ruled and Lashley was pretty good too. Umaga was fine, and Vince was just there to get the win .

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

Joey Styles going mental on commentary and then Vince running into a bunch of ECW originals and mocking them might be the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. Since that double splits spot earlier in the show… .

The Undertaker Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Last Man Standing Match

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First move is a boot to the fucking FACE from Undertaker . They ain’t gonna waste time locking up here, not when it’s a Last Man Standing match!!!

Undertaker is going into this match injured, and would be the injury that causes him to drop the title and have surgery . If it wasn’t for the bicep injury, he was apparently supposed to get a lengthy title run. Would have been awesome .

Batista almost drops ‘Taker while attempting to power him up for a running powerslam. Thankfully he is able to still bring him down to the mat with a slam and not drop him on his head .

Anyone else think the Last Man Standing match needs to be… re-worked? I mean, we REALLY don’t need those count attempts from a fucking slam, do we? EVERYONE knows it’s gonna take at least a finishing move to end the match, and on a PPV between two monsters like this, it’s gonna take something HUGE. Is it a Texas Death Match where you have to pin your opponent before the referee will start the 10 count? That at least makes sense. If you can pin em, then you might have a good chance of keeping them down for a full 10 count. A slam 2 minutes into the match ain’t gonna do SHIT.

Every year around this time (it’s March for those who read this after it’s posted lol), rumours circulate about Undertaker’s condition and it’s usually something along the lines of “he’s fucking dead” but it turns out “he’s in great shape for a guy at 50 who has been wrestling for as long as he has”. Point being, how on EARTH is this man still able to walk? The crazy bumps he takes into the steps knees first is insane. Foley already has trouble moving around because of the shit he did, and Undertaker can’t be far behind, right?

The referee for this match is MICKIE HENSON… who USED to be called Mickie Jay, but they changed his name cos it sounded too similar to Mickie James .

Anyway, the match lol. Yeah it’s great. It’s 2 heavyweights battling for the WHC. Their WM match was spectacular. Their SD cage match is often forgotten because it didn’t happen on PPV, and that’s a shame because it’s awesome. Cyber Sunday is my personal favourite of their series. Hell in a Cell is still to come. And here we have their LMS match, and yeah, it’s still awesome. Probably the weakest of their PPV series (in 2007), but that’s just a testament to how epic their series was. Who knew Batista could not only have a great match… but a SERIES of great matches? And who did it take to get that out of him? The motherfucking UNDERTAKER. HHH failed, but the Dead Man didn’t .

STEEL STEPS TO THE FUCKING FACE~! Batista is bleeding and almost lost the match right there! See, I can at least buy a 7 or 8 count from THAT rather than a slam.

Undertaker sees the blood flowing from Batista’s face and immediately starts punching the open wound .

At WM, Batista put Undertaker through the announce table. So for revenge, it’s Undertaker’s turn! LEG DROP THROUGH THE TABLE~!

Batista was blasted in the fact with steel steps, busted open, punched in the face and THEN driven through a table and… HE’S UP AT 9!!! THE ANIMAL IS STILL IN THE MATCH!!!

SPEAR~! Batista with a spear OUT OF NOWHERE! That’ll buy him some time to rest and maybe even get the win! Nah, not the win.

SPINEBUSTER~!

SPINEBUSTER~!

SPINEBUSTER~!

3 fucking Spinebusters in a row! Batista knows he needs to hit everything he can in order to keep Undertaker down.

Well, the Spinebuster didn’t work, so time for a Batista Bom… CHOKESLAM~!

Both men are down and hurting. Will we get a draw? Nah, that’d be a bullshit finish… .

Ha, cool to see Undertaker being the one to mount the corner for punches and get POWERBOMBED!

The Undertaker barely makes it back to his feet, and Batista cannot believe it. Time for a steel chair! RIGHT IN THE FACE~!

Batista doesn’t even give the referee a chance to count, as he picks Undertaker up for a Batista Bomb on the chair… but gets a back body drop for his troubles!

TOMBSTONE~! It won Undertaker the WHC at WM, and now he’s depending on it to win here.

BATISTA IS UP!!! What is it going to take to keep either man down?!?!

They work their way up to the top of the stage, hoping that they can try their luck outside of the ring, since nothing in the ring has worked.

They keep teasing something big off the stage, but nothing comes of it until…

SPEAR~! SPEAR OFF THE STAGE~! BOTH MEN CRASH DOWN TO THE FLOOR AS PART OF THE SET FALLS ON TOP OF THEM!!!

The match ends in a draw, with both men fucking DEAD from that huge bump. A great way to keep the series going, and not have one guy look THAT much better than the other buy surviving the LMS match.

Yeah, I love this. Undertaker and Batista beat the absolute FUCK out of each other, hitting their big moves, before going for it all with a bump off the stage. Pretty much exactly what the match should have been and needed to be.

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

John Cena Vs Shawn Michaels Vs Edge Vs Randy Orton – WWE Championship Match

A text vote was cast and Cena got 50% of the votes to win this match. FIFTY PERCENT. Out of 4 possibly choices. These days he’d be lucky to get 20% probably lol.

So the fans give Cena a 50 & chance of winning, but in reality he only has a TWENTY FIVE PERCENT CHANCE .

We get a 4 man version of the spot from the Vengeance 2002 triple threat, where Angle was trying to get the attention of Rock and Undertaker, and ended up getting decked in the face. This time it’s HBK and Cena getting in each other’s face and Edge & Orton wanting the attention.

After those two halfwits get decked, HBK and Cena go at it as a continuation of their 45 minute war from Raw the previous week .

Aaaaand that lasts about 30 seconds before Rated RKO show up again, clear house, then have a staredown of their own which doesn’t get much of a reaction tbh lol.

This match reminds me, I should watch that lengthy Raw match between HBK and Cena again soon, as well as the Orton Vs Edge match from around this time as well. Remember both very fondly, but haven’t seen either for some time.

MOOOOOOOONSAULT~! HBK takes out everyone!!!

DOUBLE LEG DROP~! Cena hit both HBK and Edge with that top rop leg drop while his opponent bends over . Basically a super Fameasser, right? The Cenasser?

Whole match is a fast paced action packed crazy fun MOVES~! fest. And that’s not always a bad thing. When done right, guys going out and going all out like this can be a ton of fun, and this is one of those times where I can sit back and ENJOY them doing it.

Finishing stretch is crazy as fuck, with everyone busting out as many finishers and big moves as possible.

F-U TO ORTON~! SWEET CHIN TO CENA~! CENA LANDS ON ORTON~! CENA RETAINS THE TITLE~!

Did we ever get another Cena/HBK match after this to finish their rivalry? Cena had the win at WM, HBK got the win on Raw, and then Cena only retains the title here because HBK kicked him on top of Orton… so unfinished business, right? All I remember is HBK goes on to a feud with Orton, gets taken out for 4 months and when he comes back Cena is out injured too lol.

Anyway, good main event. A ton of fun for sure, though I still think it gets a little overrated at times. Doesn’t even come close to the GOAT 4 way from IYH Final Four in 1997!

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Overall CAL SCALE – 15.5

Cyber Sunday 2007

I still firmly believe WWE should bring this show back for the WWE Network or something.

Finlay Vs Rey Mysterio – Stretcher Match

They had a match at the last PPV, and Finlay faked an injury. He was carried out on a stretcher, then jumped Rey and beat the fuck out of him. So no surprise the fans voted for a Stretcher Match here tonight!!!

Wow, people are watching this show in Scotland AND the UK!!! JBL is so smrt .

Rey takes that sliding bump from the inside of the ring to the outside, but instead of landing on the floor, he lands on the stretcher .

The other options for this match were No DQ and Sheleighly on a Pole. Thing is… a stretcher match is No DQ anyway… and they actually set up a pole with the sheleighly on top of it… so technically the fans get ALL 3 matches in one .

Sheleighly to Rey’s knee! Then somehow he manages to run and jump around right after. Come on Rey, you know better than that…

Match is a super fun brawl and some nice use of the stretcher too. Love the modified 619 that put Finlay on the stretcher. Rey completely ignores to sell his knee though which does suck.

the finish is botched when a cable gets caught up in the wheels of the stretcher, preventing Rey from pushing Finlay over the line . They improvise and Finlay still loses and it’s all ok in the end .

Good stuff, had some problems, but still fun as hell. They’ve had a bunch of better matches though.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Fuck me, what happened to Matt Hardy’s face lol? He can’t compete tonight so MVP will defend his title against either Kane, Henry or Khali.

The divas are all dressed up and we have to vote for who has the best costume. Maria is a cat. Victoria is in one of those fat suits as a sumo wrestler .

CM Punk Vs The Miz – ECW Championship Match

Choices were BIG DADDY V, John Morrison and The Miz. And who the fuck did everyone pick? The Miz? Dear people. Get you heads examined. Thanks.

So I’ve almost seen all of Punk’s 2007 PPV matches now. And his 2007 on PPV was awful . A series of terrible matches with Morrison, a god awful match with Burke, a match with Miz here, and that couple minute match with BDV that could have been awesome if they gave it some more time and an actual finish. Guess they were just building him up for the WHC . It is WWE’s style, after all…

Vince McMahon: “I like this guy, I want him to be the champion in about 6 months time”.

Creative: “Ok Vince. We’ll book him in shitty matches and have him lose as often as possible and look pathetic right up until he wins the belt out of nowhere.

Vince McMahon: “Excellent”.

Miz forgets to move out of the way of a cross body. HE FORGETS TO MOVE OUT OF THE WAY. Leaving Punk to just land awkwardly on him.

Punk wins in another disaster of a PPV match for him in 2007.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

Mickie James is an Indian Warrior Princess. The hottest one ever according to her. I’d have to agree. Torrie Wilson is dressed like a man.

Time to find out who faces Orton in the WWE Title Match later tonight. HBK, Kennedy or Hardy? HBK, duh. Which means, Jeff Hardy and Mr Kennedy face each other next! Nice chance from the two losers getting a tag title match lol. Kennedy got 10%.

Jeff Hardy Vs Mr Kennedy

Headlocks. Yey. Wouldn’t mind if they knew how to work a headlock spot.

What a dull start to this match lol.

Mr Kennedy wins.

I swear that’s all I have to say about this one. They just… there was.. I mean… what?

No match structure, no story, just 2 guys doing something to fill time on a PPV.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

More divas in costumes. Melina looks like a tranny in her showgirl outfit. That’s disturbing.

Foley is practising for potentially being the referee in the main event by… talking to cut outs of Taker and Batista . JBL interrupts him with a video promoting HIM for the referee instead .

MVP Vs Kane – WWE United States Championship Match

So the fans picked Kane. Bah, why not Henry?

How long had Vickie been on TV at this point btw? Because she had a 1 line promo before the match and sounded more wooden than… uhhh… a plank of wood? I CAN’T BE FUNNY ALL THE TIME YOU KNOW.

Of course the fans picked Kane anyway. He’s the only fucking babyface out of the 3 choices. Plus he has the history with MVP so the fans really didn’t have much of a choice. Oh WWE, you claim to give the fans the power, then manipulate them to vote for who YOU want. Unless the system fucks up and some random dude gets picked instead .

Kane has injured ribs thanks to Big Daddy V on Smackdown, so MVP obviously goes after them. Aaaand then Kane gets really pissed and goes out of his way to fuck up MVP’s ribs so he can feel the same pain .

MVP gets his ribs so fucked up he gets counted out. Actually looked like a “genuine” way to get counted out than a heel just trying to keep his title lol. I mean, Kane FUCKED HIM UP lol.

Match was fine. Didn’t last too long and Kane did most of the work.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Layla is a bad cop. Kelly Kelly is a pimp. Huh, some role reversal for her, then?

Randy Orton Vs Shawn Michaels – WWE Championship Match

HBK continues his STREAK of not losing in fan votes at Cyber Sunday to be placed into the championship match lol.

Don’t remember this match at all, and not expecting anything from it either. I seem to just remember it being a feud advancer for their Survivor Series match (which I get to watch soon ). Oh wait, I do remember the finish lol.

A superkick attempt early on forces Orton to shit himself and run to the outside . Then HBK does a dive over the ropes… and I *think* he wanted to just do his usual crossbody move… but he seemed to overshoot himself and ended up doing a flip .

So, Orton put HBK out of action for 4 months with a concussion. And HBK’s response to this is… arm work.

Back suplex on the ring apron puts Orton in controller now and… his arm is suddenly healed!

Oh wait, no, Orton showed some signs of pain in his arm. About 2 minutes after using it a couple of times… .

Honestly I was pretty bored with this whole thing. Mostly felt like they were wasting time rather than trying to have a great match.

And for it to end with a punch to the balls is meh as fuck too. Thankfully their SVS match is tremendous.

Best part of this was HBK hitting the superkick AFTER the match.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

Triple H Vs Umaga – Street Fight

Options were street fight, cage and first blood. And the fans went with STREET FIGHT? The fans boo when it isn’t a cage match lol, and I’m sure Vince isn’t too pleased cos they put a lot of effort into building it as a cage match .

I suppose it wouldn’t have mattered what kind of match this was. Based on previous encounters, I’m not thrilled at the prospect of sitting through this one. And if it was a cage match, HHH would probably have needed to be the heel in order to put in a good performance.

Brawling, and then for no reason other than being in position, Umaga disappears behind the Cyber Sunday set so he can get speared through it .

No expense spared with the set piece, either. Looked like it was made out of CARDBOARD.

HHH keeps punching Umaga, who just won’t fall down. So HHH goes outside, under the ring and pulls out…

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IT’S TIME FOR THE CYBER SUNDAY WEAPON OF CHOICE GAME!!!

HHH is trying to knock down the monster Umaga, but his right hand isn’t working. He goes under the ring for a weapon, but which does he choose?

A). The Sledgehammer

B). A steel chair.

C). A trash can.

D). Brass Knucks.

If you said A, B or D, then you are a fucking moron because OBVIOUSLY THE ONLY WEAPON TO TAKE DOWN UMAGA IS A FUCKING PAPER THIN TRASH CAN!!! Thanks for playing!

OH SHIT, THINGS JUST PICKED UP . UMAGA APPLIES A BEAR HUG!!!

A steel chair finally comes into the match and… gets used for a fucking low blow .

RUNNING SPLASH THROUGH THE TABLE~! In the absence of the Spanish Announce Table, the ECW one gets taken out. the ECW commentators aren’t even there . Did they just show up to commentate the ONE ECW match on the show then fuck off? Seems kinda pointless to me lol.

Sledgehammer to the face, Pedigree, HHH wins.

Had like 2 minutes worth of stuff that didn’t suck. And not altogether either. Spread across the entire match.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

Biggest moment of the night… who wins the diva Halloween costume competition?!?! My vote is for Mickie. Yey she won too . Not much competition though, most of the others looked pretty awful lol.

Batista Vs The Undertaker – Special Guest Referee Stone Cold Steve Austin – World Heavyweight Championship Match

been waiting for this one. Had to sit through a shitty event to see it but now I’m here.

All 3 potential referees come out to the ring and when Austin gets picked, we have us a brawl . AUSTIN TAKES SOME BUMPS!!! And then ends up stunning both guys .

So I’m half way into this match and yet to write anything until now lol. I just sat back to WATCH IT because it’s awesome . Love the start to the match with Batista charging at ‘Taker with a spear, just like he did at WM, but this time Undertaker is ready and avoids it, and tries to boot Batista in the face, but he too sees it coming and gets out of the way. From there it’s a slow build as they lock up and try to power each other around, before going into full “KILL EACH OTHER” mode!

The match is just a back and forth SLUGFEST between two heavyweights, one of whom happens to be one of the best ever. The other being Batista, duh. Austin as ref is literally there to try and increase buyrates because as a referee he does fuck all pretty much .

Remember when a chokeslam from Undertaker was actually believable as a finisher lol? I miss those days .

Man, Batista can’t throw a punch for shit. LOL.

The last 5 minutes or so are filled with both men hitting their big moves, which I think fits perfectly here as both men are hyped up by WWE are two unstoppable monsters, so they are going to have to hit EVERYTHING they’ve got, MULTIPLE TIMES to win. Kinda like Brock these days. He ain’t going down to one finisher… any more .

BATISTA BOMB~!

1…2… KICK OUT~!

Can Batista beat Undertaker? He hasn’t thus far in their 2007 rivalry, and so far the Spear, Spinebuster AND Batista Bomb have failed him.

But if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

BATISTA BOMB~!

And this time it IS over! Batista finally gets a win over the Dead Man and retains his title! They are now at 1 win each and 2 draws… so this isn’t over yet! HIAC here we come .

Lawler says it best (believe it or not) when he calls this match a WAR. Because that’s what it was. Two unstoppable monsters going to fucking WAR with each other for the World Heavyweight Championship. I love it. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT. Always been my favourite of their series and still continues to be.

Rating: ****1/2
CAL SCALE – 7

Overall CAL SCALE – 9.5