Month: April 2015

 

Vengeance 2006

 

Didn’t have to take the wrapping off this one! I took it off a few months ago with the intention of watching it and… never did .

 

I did go through the bonus disc that my version came with. Just filled with a bunch of 2006 DX stuff so… not great .

 

“RIC FLAIR IS MY GREAT GRANDPA! and “TNA” signs spotted immediately lol.

 

Randy Orton Vs Kurt Angle

Raw Vs ECW match? Cena Vs Sabu? And the title match is Edge Vs RVD? The fuck is this, ECW One Night Stand 3?

Let’s hope this one is better than their ECW ONS match anyway. That one had some good parts to it, but suffered from too many flaws to actually be good.

Still hate that damn ECW remix of Angle’s theme.

Man, crazy cover attempt by Angle using a hammer lock! That was pretty sweeeeet.

Orton keeps running to the ropes like a PUSSY, so Angle tryes to penetrate him from behind as punishment. Either that or he was trying for a German Suplex off the apon .

The apron German failed, but a German on the floor lands and Orton is DEAD.

Angle is circling Orton trying to hit a double leg or something, and Orton thumbs him right in the eye and hits a dropkick! Even the fans have to cheer that one lol.

HEADLOCK~! Angle says fuck that and lifts Orton off the ground and hits a modified Samoan Drop! Take THAT, headlocks!

“CARLITO SPITS, MELINA SWALLOWS” sign . Wouldn’t surprise me if they both swallowed .

HEADLOCK~! This time Orton has it locked in and not even Angle can escape it with ease. Looks real good too. Orton really makes it look like he’s trying to pop his opponents head with it.

a botched belly to belly off the ropes.

MULTIPLE GERMANS~! 8 of them. Pfft. I guess that makes Lensar twice as good as Angle .

Strange modified Angle Slam thingy… JR just calls it a suplex. Fuck knows exactly what he was trying to do .

ANKLE LOCK~!

at the way they set up Angle going head first into the exposed turnbuckle .

RKO~!

ORTON WINS~!

Well… this was a little better than their ONS match. Still had problems, the main one being that they didn’t “click” for me. These two just don’t have great chemistry.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Vince is being a creepy bastard to a make a wish kid, thinking it’s a setup from DX . He pushes the kid out of his room, and we just hear him scream and crash into something . Turns out he’s a family friend of THE COACH who was invited to meet his hero, Mr McMahon .

 

Umaga Vs Eugene

I knew JR was wrong! I said during my Unforgiven ramble that JR said that was Umaga’s first PPV match. LIES JR. FUCKING LIES.

Eugene has brought some friends with him. And they aren’t even imaginary!!! Though one of them is as retarded as Eugene… HOOOOOOOOOO! JIM DUGGAN! Doink the Clown is back! I miss Matt Bourne Heel Doink . KAMALA!

Well, how can Eugene possibly lose these match? He has 3 old men in his corner!

This lasts about 2 minutes, and Eugene is squashed . Then Umaga squashes the old men, except for Kamala, because Estrada tells Umaga he’s crazy and they should avoid him lol.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Ric Flair Vs Mick Foley – 2 out of 3 Falls Match

*sigh* I guess I’ll sit through this one. It does have 2 legends.

So so so so so disappointed with this when I first saw it. Sure they made up for it at SummerSlam, but damn, this sucked. Doubt much will change on this watch, but I’d just feel wrong NO’ing a match between these two.

Foley said he’s gonna out-wrestle Flair tonight, but so far he ain’t doing so well .

If wrestling don’t work, then a punch to the fucking FACE will .

a Ric Flair version of Socko .

TESTICULAR CLAW~!

Flair successfully flies off the ropes… and hurts his knee! Lawler says he would have been better off getting bodyslammed .

FOLEY TARGETING THE LEG COS HE’S A RASSLER~!

Flair counters a Figure Four attempt with a cradle and the first fall goes to Flair!

Flair starts to beat the shit out of Foley, who gets angry and brings a trash can into the ring! Flair counters with a Figure Four, and Foley escapes with a shot to Flair using the trash can! Foley gets DQ’d, and loses 2 straight falls!

Ya know, this wasn’t as awful as I remembered it being. Sure, it was still disappointing, but they had a pretty fun match and this was only really a set up to their I Quit match at SummerSlam, so being able to look back on it that way does make it seem better.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Maria’s tits are interviewing Carlito. Then Torrie Wilson and her tits show up and Maria rubs oil on her for a photoshoot. Then for some reason Torrie rubs oil on Maria’s ass even though she isn’t doing a photoshoot. Carlito’s music hits and he needs to head out to the ring instead of watching some HLA .

 

Carlito Vs Shelton Benjamin Vs Johnny Nitro – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

MELINA LOOKING FAP!

heel Shelton. An open shirt and sunglasses. THAT WAS HIS ENTIRE CHARACTER .

Typical triple threat stuff for the most part.

Nitro sends Carlito head first into the ring post, then shouts “Now THAT’S cool!”.

Flippy flippy flippy flippy.

Say what you want, but these microwave cheesburgers, or BUUUUURGUUURS as they are know to me and my friend (private joke. so fuck you all! ), are bloody lovely. Sure a REAL burger would be better, but when it’s 2 for 89p and they are ready in a minute and a half, you really can’t complain.

Ooops, best get back to talking about the match. Seems I missed some more flippy flippy flippy flippy.

HOLY SHIT, DID YOU SEE THAT? MORE FLIPPY FLIPPY FLIPPY FLIPPY~!

Melina is the only good thing in this match. Smoking hot and always bending over to show her tits, screaming, and helping out Nitro any chance she gets.

After doing a quick google search, I was able to find some footage of these 3 men backstage discussing what they plan to do in the match!

“Hey guys, I have an idea tonight for the match. LET’S DO LOTS OF RANDOM MOVES AND FLIPS!!!”

“OH WOW THAT’S GREAT LET’S DO THAT!!!”

Fuck me how long is this match? It seems to be going on forever.

FINALLY. Nitro wins the IC title and the match is OVER.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

VINCE MCMAHON TRIES A PENIS PUMP~! IT EXPLODES GREEN PAINT ON HIM INSTEAD~!

 

RVD Vs Edge – WWE Championship Match

this isn’t even the main event .

GOD DAMN. LITA. FAP FAP FAP.

Edge says he and LITA are gonna have another LIVE SEX CELEBRATION if he wins the title here tonight. Well, I guess I’m rooting for Edge tonight!!!

Fuck me, this is starting off like the triple threat. FLIPPY FLIPPY FLIPPY FLIPPY. And not just RVD either. Even Edge took to the ropes.

SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB OFF THE APRON TO THE FLOOR~!

RVD totally deserved that. HE KICKED LITA IN THE CHEST. Lawler thinks she might have a chest injury. For someone like Lita that could be life threatening!!!

RVD does that jumping spinning leg drop thing from the apron to the barricade… and Edge moves, leaving RVD to land HARD on his leg!!! Then Edge throws him out of the ring about 30 seconds later and his leg gets caught in the ropes and he just crumbles to the floor .

POWERBOMB ONTO THE BARRICADE. FUCK ME.

The powerbomb to RVD’s back allows Edge to continue to capitalise on the sunset flip powerbomb from earlier, so nice that Edge is sticking with his original plan, even after RVD’s leg got fucked up.

Shame Edge’s back work lasts about a minute before RVD is flippy flippy flippy flippy again. Fucks sake.

Ref bump. Edge tries to cheat. Gets the title belt kicked in his face. Lita crushes RVD’s balls, and Edge follows up with an awesome DDT. BUT OH NOES THE REFEREE IS DEAD.

Edge spears a chair.

Five Star Frog Splash aka FLIPPY FLIPPY FLIPPY FLIPPY FINISHER and RVD retains.

Well this was… kinda shite. A fuck load of nothing happens, then just as things start to look up with Edge working the back, RVD makes a comeback almost straight away and fails to sell his back, his leg, or anything really. BULL. SHIT.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Kane Vs Imposter Kane

oh god I totally forgot this was on the show . What an AWFUL storyline that was dropped harder than Bart Gunn at WrestleMania XV.

Festus is actually a pretty good fake Kane, in terms of acting like Kane. They should have gotten Kevin Nash to play the imposter Kane .

The crowd are as dead for this match as they were for Undertaker Vs Underfaker at SummerSlam in 94 .

Damn, was just reading that Kane was supposed to win the WHC on May 19th, but due to his commitments with the See No Evil movie, he actually requested that the plans would be changed! So instead of Kane being WHC, we got this angle .

What the FUCK was that? Kane tried to kinda superplex the imposter Kane, but it was more of a superplex combined with a back body drop lol. Looked fucking great tbh, but definitely seemed botched .

IMPOSTER KANE CATCHES KANE OFF THE ROPES~! CHOKESLAM~! IMPOSTER KANE JUST WON!!!

Honestly, this isn’t as bad as I remembered. They have a pretty good big man brawl. Crowd couldn’t have cared less, but meh, fuck them. Nothing special, but I don’t regret watching it.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

John Cena Vs Sabu – Extreme Lumberjack Match

Stuff happens. Yawn.

Cena is in control, then notices the Lumberjacks and fighting and… fucks off to the outside to join them instead of TRYING TO WIN THE MATCH. Fucking retard. Sabu throws a chair in his face to knock some sense into him.

Cena is set up on a table, but BIG VIS throws all the ECW guys away giving Cena chance to move and deck Sabu with a singapore cane.

F-U over the ropes to the table, but Sabu only cracks part of the table and possibly injured his back. STFU and Sabu taps out.

My god this was a giant load of fuck all. I’ve seen better TNA matches in 2014 than this shite. Wait… not sure about that. Anyway, the point it, this sucks.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

DX Vs The Spirit Squad

what a PPV main event!!! 2 old men pretending to be 20 and a group of male cheerleaders!

MITCH IS BEATING UP SHAWN MICHAELS!!! Who the fuck was Mitch again?

Johnny gets his nose buster open, and puts on a headband and stars acting like he’s a martial arts expert. Shawn is terrified so he tags HHH in… WHO PUNCHES HIM IN THE NOSE .

poor Johnny. Punched in his busted nose. Balls smashed into the ring post, and his legs wrapped around the post too, causing him to be all wobbly legged .

it takes THREE Spirit Squad dudes to throw HHH into the ring steps.

CHAIR TO HBK’S FACE~!

TRAMPOLINE AIDED BULLDOG~!

HHH threw the trampoline at the Spirit Squad .

In the end, DX win.

This wasn’t bad or anything, but I kinda zoned out during the HBK FIP segment. Some funny moments spread throughout the match, but nothing that really kept me entertained throughout the whole thing.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 3

 

Judgment Day 2006

 

Huh, CM Punk’s soon to be theme is the PPV theme .

 

MNM Vs Brian Kendrick & Paul London – WWE Championship Match

what a way to kick off the show! Some great tag action and MELINA.

Oh man, MNM just fucking rule. Nitro shoulder blocks London down to the mat, and Mercury comes into the ring pretending to have a camera while Nitro poses .

Nitro got too cocky though, and ends up walking right into an ARM DRAG~! and gets double teamed before tagging out so Mercury can take a beating .

So Londrick have beaten MNM FIVE TIMES IN A ROW leading up to this match lol. How come it took so long to get a tag title match? Shouldn’t they have been like, in contention for the belts after the FIRST win?

MELINA SCREAMING .

MELINA HEAD SCISSORING LONDON. Lucky bastard.

SNAP SHOT~!

London shows up out of nowhere to break it up, and this great match is continuing .

MNM are pretty much ruling the world here. Great tag work; working over Kendrick, cutting him off, distracting the referee, making London distract the referee, and of course using MELINA too. When he isn’t screaming, anyway. MELINA IS A SCREAMA!

This part of the ramble is brought to you by Golden Wonder RINGOS, Salt & Vinegar flavour. BLOODY DELICIOUS. Om nom nom.

HOT TAG~!

London dropsaulted Nitro off the apron and landed on Mercury with the moonsault!

Melina broke up the pin by SCREAMING AT THE REFEREE .

Super hot finishing stretch, with London and Kendrick finally winning the tag titles!!!

This is what tag wrestling is all about. Everything you’d want from a tag match is here, except I would have added like 10 minutes onto it .

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MNM JUST BROKE UP AT THE END OF THE MATCH . Yeah, they get back together by the end of the year, but who the FUCK thought it would be a good idea to break them up? SERIOUSLY? WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY ON TO COME UP WITH THAT? FUCK YOU, WHOEVER CAME UP WITH IT. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU AGAIN. THIS TIME WITH A SHARP POINTY STICK. I HATE YOU WHOEVER YOU ARE.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Chris Benoit Vs Finlay

OH FUCK YES .

I’m already in love with this match all over again after the first few minutes . The collar and elbow tie up spot, similar to Finlay/Regal at the GAB, then them getting face to face and Benoit quick as a fucking flash does a double leg takedown catching Finlay off guard, only for Finlay to still be able to counter because he’s fucking awesome .

Finlay starts slapping Benoit, which pisses him off, and even FINLAY tries to back away when Benoit fires back! A Terry Funk slap to Finlay (aka the hardest slap you’ll ever receive lol) and then knees and elbows to the face of the Irishman. Just hard hitting, snug, gritty shit and it’s AWESOME.

Love how both men are always doing something, be they in a hold trying to counter, or applying a hold trying to make it more painful or even turn it into something else (Benoit trying to change a headlock into a Crossface, for example). These two men don’t know the meaning of “rest hold”.

Finlay screams “YOU COUNT FASTER” at the referee and at first I thought he said “YOU CUNT FASTER” .

They go into an almost finishing stretch half way into the match, with Benoit missing the headbutt from the ropes, fighting back and then actually hitting it, but Finlay is too tough to be put down from just that and is able to regain control of the match due to the fact Benoit was hurting more than him.

Forearm shots to the back of Benoit, followed up with a massive club to the back of the head . This is the kind of hard hitting offence I love!

“COME ON BENOIT, SIT UP, LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TOUGH I AM!”

No wonder Benoit went on a 4 month sabbatical not long after this match… surprised he didn’t need another neck surgery from those clotheslines by Finlay!

GERMAN SUPLEX ON THE FLOOR~!

The little comeback attempts from Benoit throughout this match, and the cut off spots from Finlay are just tremendous btw. This ISN’T just a match where 2 guys stiff each other. Far, FAR from it. It’s just a beautiful wrestling match in every sense of the word. Even the fans are into the match, which for something like this is unfortunately unusual, but thankfully the fans here were able to appreciate how amazing this was.

CROSSFACE OUT OF NOWHERE~! Benoit battles to lock his hands together, and when he does, Finlay taps out immediately in the same way Regal would, which really puts over the Crossface if you can make someone like FINLAY or REGAL tap to it so fast. Also makes Finlay (and Regal) look smart by not wasting time in such a brutal hold.

THIS IS INCREDIBLE. I think I love it even more.

Rating: ****1/2
CAL SCALE – 7

 

Jillian Hall Vs Melina

this match is happening because they threw makeup at each other .

SUPERSTAR BILLY GRAHAM~!

Also, NOOOOOOOO to this match.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

JBL~! He’s cutting a promo on Rey, then spots Chavo and stops mid sentence to ask Chavo why he’s there . I often wonder the same thing when I see Chavo on a wrestling show… .

 

Gregory Helms Vs Super Crazy – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

The show that keeps on giving!

Classic Tazz, confuses SUPER CRAZY WITH HELMS .

Crazy tries to catch Helms off guard from the get go with a bunch of roll up variations. Helms throws him out of the ring to gain some separation, but Crazy holds on to the ropes and swings right back in, sticks his tongue out and hits Helms again .

The referee stops Crazy from diving over the ropes, then when he turns to check on Helms who is on the floor, Crazy again sticks out his tongue and dives over the ref! Fun stuff .

Helms seems to be overusing the damn headlock in this one, but in between those headlocks he’s throwing out awesome knee strikes to the head of Crazy .

Unlike some people though, his headlocks at least have purpose, as he does focus a hell of a lot on the head and neck of opponents in his matches. The headlocks, vicious variations of neckbreakers, and then knees and kicks to the head .

In the end, Helms uses the ropes and STEALS a win. Good match!

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

MELINA SLAPS TEDDY LONG~! HE FIRES HER! AND NITRO! So not only have MNM broken up on this show, but Melina and Nitro have been kicked off Smackdown .

 

They show a video package of Angle winning the KOTR back in 2006, then cut to Anthony Robles in the crowd, an amateur wrestler with 1 leg. COULD THIS BE THE WRESTLER JOHNNY ACE HIRED BY MISTAKE INSTEAD OF ZACK GOWEN?!?!

 

Kurt Angle Vs Mark Henry

Well their RR match at the start of the year was a fucking DUD, but I hear this one is actually pretty good so I’m gonna give it a chance. 2006 Henry was more HIT than miss anyway so I’m definitely hopeful .

HENRY taking apart the announce table straight away, getting it ready to potentially SPLASH Kurt through it, something he’s been doing for the last couple of months!

heel promo from Henry . I wish he didn’t get injured as much. He was on a near Hall of Pain level run at the time.

Angle is injured coming into this match, and has to take the fight to Mark straight away in order to have any hopes of winning. Wisely going after the knee and taking advantage of the fact Henry isn’t the fastest guy around.

ANGLE TEASING A GERMAN SUPLEX THROUGH THE TABLE~! Henry says no and doesn’t move. LOL.

Angle trying to take out the legs of Mark, and Mark is trying to gouge the eyes out of Angle. What is this, Game of Thrones?

FUCK ME ANGLE JUST GOT RUN OVER.

Angle has REVENGE written on his mouthpiece… which we clearly see as he’s screaming in pain during a modified Camel Clutch . I don’t think he’s getting his revenge just yet…

WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM COUNTERED INTO A DDT~!

GERMAN SUPLEX~!

The straps are down and Angle is building momentum!

ANGLE SLAM~!

HENRY KICKS OUT~!

Henry fucking EXPLODES with a clothesline and Angle is back on the mat hurting!

World’s Strongest Slam is almost missed thanks to a replay, and the crowd and commentators act like it was a standard move. Only HENRY puts over the fact Angle kicks out of his fucking FINISHER.

ANKLE LOCK~!

Henry POWERS out.

Teased splash through the table, but Angle moves… only to end up getting splashed into the fucking RING POST .

HENRY WINS BY COUNTOUT~!

Yup, this is worlds better than their awful, awful RR match. Henry looked like a fucking beast, and Angle did a (mostly) good job of selling his ribs, but during his comebacks he was seemingly able to feel no pain…

After the match, Angle fires back on Henry with a ton of chair shots, then grapevines the leg and makes Henry tap to the Ankle Lock! ANGLE SLAM ON THE TABLE~! it doesn’t break . CHAIR SHOT TO THE HEAD~! HENRY FALLS ON THE TABLE AND NOW IT FINALLY BREAKS .

Do they have a rematch on SD? Normally I’d be the guy to know the answer, but I don’t recall one. If it happened I probably skipped it during my SD 06 project, as it seems I skipped this match the first time around too.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Bobby Lashley Vs Booker T – King of the Ring Finals Match

Well it didn’t get its own PPV, but at least we DID get a KOTR tournament in 2006. They’ve done a few more on TV afterwards, so why can’t we get it every sodding year? A 3 hour Raw dedicated to it would be perfect, fairly sure that’s been done before.

I wonder if Booker had Sharmell scream KING BOOKER in bed after he won?

Can’t say I wanna sit through this. So I won’t.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

The Undertaker Vs The Great Khali

NO.

No I am NOT going to skip an Undertaker match, no matter what!

Undertaker keeps punching Khali in the fucking FACE, but Khali is unaffected and just keeps launching the Dead Man out of the ring!

Fans are going fucking INSANE as Undertaker sets up Old School! Then Khali ruins it with a slam. Stupid Khali.

Khali might be a giant oaf but Undertaker is bumping for his shit like the GOAT he is, and is selling the effects of the beating really well. Just wish by 2006 they’d have figured out that Undertaker is better when he ISN’T going up against monsters all the time…

CHOP TO THE HEAD~!

UNDERTAKER KICKS OUT~!

UNDERTAKER SITS UP~!

Damn, Khali is actually throwing out some big bombs in this one. Not often I remember seeing him actually PUNCH someone.

at Undertaker having to JUMP to headbutt Khali. Awesome.

OLD SCHOOL~!

JABS TO THE FACE~!

Khali will NOT go down!

Khali is trapped in the ropes! And well, Undertaker isn’t one for passing on the oppertunity to punch someone in the fucking face when they can’t defend themselves .

CHOP TO THE HEAD~!

KHALI PINS UNDERTAKER WITH ONE FOOT ON HIS CHEST. Holy FUCK.

This wasn’t actually bad. Didn’t last too long, so we didn’t get some typical rest hold shit from Khali like a Nerve Grip or something that bores me to tears. Instead we had Undertaker constantly trying to battle the giant while Khali keeps hitting Undertaker with basic, but hard hitting moves until he finally defeats the Dead Man.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Rey Mysterio Vs JBL – World Heavyweight Championship Match

How odd, they are still calling it the World HEAVYWEIGHT Championship at this point, even though they eventually dropped the heavyweight part for a while when Rey had it .

Cole keeps putting over Rey as the greatest underdog in the history of WWE. LOL. It’s obviously CENA .

JBL tries to be the bully early on, but Rey kicks the fuck out of his legs then flies around and knocks JBL silly!!! I got knocked silly once. Never been the same since .

LOW BLOW TO JBL~! What a cheating bastard Rey is! I am disgusted that he is the World Champion! LET’S GO JBL!

Yey JBL boots the evil cheating foreigner in the face!

I’m hungry. Those RINGOS could only fill me for so long. No idea what I’m gonna have for tea.

JBL HITTING THREE AMIGOS~! Does them better than Chavo .

TRUFFLE SHUFFLE!!! Oh, no, sorry, JBL was mocking Eddie Guerrero. My bad .

JBL scares Rey’s wife to death .

TRIPLE CLOTHESLINES~!

Rey is bleeding through his mask which is a great visual. Why is the referee counting Rey out? This isn’t a fucking Last Man Standing match…

SLEEPER~! PUNCHES TO THE FACE WHILE APPLYING THE SLEEPER~!

Rey begins his comeback… but ends up jumping balls first into JBL’s boot! THE GOOD GUY GOT HIS REVENGE~!

619~!

THE EVIL MYSTERIO DIVES ON THE REFEREE! BOOOOOOO REY MYSTERIO BOOOOOOO.

POWERBOMB~!

Another referee shows up, but Mysterio somehow kicks out! I think it was a slow count, he was probably paid off by Mysterio. JBL agrees and decks the corrupt official!

REY USES A CHAIR~!

619 and SPLASH~!

REY RETAINS~!

Really good match . First time I’ve seen it since probably 2006. I’ve never been able to sit through it any other time I’ve tried to watch it. Glad I was able to this time around!

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 18

 

SummerSlam 2006

 

People tell me this isn’t an awful show… but oh my god the card ON PAPER appeals to me less than women with short hair. Aside from Foley/Flair. That’s a smoking hot red head with long hair and big tits. It’s the LITA of matches, I guess.

 

Rey Mysterio Vs Chavo Guerrero

Oh god we’re starting this thing off with fucking CHABO GERRADO. I want to turn the show off already.

D’awwwww, nice touching video package of Eddie and Rey’s friendship. They seem to have missed out those 4 or 5 months where Eddie wanted to destroy Rey and take his kid .

“REY NOT SUCKING OFF ANYBODY” well done Cole.

They show a video package for Chavo and Eddie… and again miss out the HATRED~! part .

So, who loved Eddie more? Rey Mysterio, or Chavo Guerrero? There’s only one way to find out…

FIGHT~!

And that’s what they are doing! If they keep this up I might actually enjoy this match.

SPLAT~! That was Rey when he launched himself over the ropes and Chavo dodged. Rey looked to have fell about 8 feet at least! DAMN!

Mmmmm bacon sarnie. What a way to start the day!

Bah, Chavo teases a fucking POWERBOMB off the top rope to the FLOOR, but of course Rey counters, and we end up with that shitty “both guys jump off the ropes into the ring” spot that sucks. All that was missing was a table and it’d be a classic ECW moment .

KEEP KHALI OFF TV sign . Remember when Undertaker/Khali LMS was supposed to be on this show? But WWE changed it to a SD match because they didn’t trust Khali on live PPV?

So this match quickly went downhill and turned boring. So much so, Vickie Guerrero runs down to the ring screaming NO! NO! and slaps Chavo for being so shit . That’s how I interpret it, anyway.

3 AMIGOS BY CHAVO BECAUSE HE HAS TO STEAL EDDIE’S MOVES TO GET A REACTION~!

3 AMIGOS BY REY AND THE FANS BOO HIM~!

Vickie tries to climb onto the apron, but grabs the ropes to help her and “accidentally” knocks Rey off the ropes .

BRAINBUSTER~!

FROG SPLASH~!

Chavo wins .

This had its moments but overall mostly bored me.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Oh god, Booker T and Edge backstage. They both claim to be the best champion or something. I don’t care. Nobody cares.

 

The Big Show Vs Sabu – ECW Championship Match

they show clips of the ladder match between RVD and Sabu that was for the #1 contendership here tonight. What a train wreck that match was .

So the ECW title is being called the ECW WORLD title. Once Show lost it I think it lost it’s importance with the company . Though titles do tend to do that when LASHLEY holds them .

Funny that Booker and Edge were arguing over who was the best champion, meanwhile the ACTUAL best world champion is right here! Big Show’s ECW reign > Edge & Booker T.

Sabu wasting no time here, just crushing Show with chair shots! But they do fuck all to the giant, and Sabu ends up getting tripped up and lands face first on the chair he set up . Show shows everyone just how useless a chair is against him by CRUSHING IT with his foot.

Fans: “WE WANT TABLES”

Big Show: “YOU’RE NOT GONNA GET EM!”

FUCK ME. Biggest Fall Away Slam EVER. Sabu cleared most of the ring and fell to the outside!!!

Sabu climbs the ropes with a chair… AND DROPS IT . The fans groan as he has to retrieve it to do the spot he wants to do .

BIG SHOW THROUGH A TABLE~!

Joey says we have 16,000 people chanting ECW… then the camera switches to a crowd shot with ONE GUY chanting ECW .

Holy shit, BIG SHOW ACTUALLY LANDED HIS SECOND ROPE SPLASH!!! That’s the equivalent of Flair coming off the ropes successfully!!!

Big Show puts a table across the steel steps as a platform… and Sabu runs over and jumps on it and… the table slides out from under him . I think I’m warming up to Sabu. His constant botches are fucking HILARIOUS .

DDT THROUGH THE TABLE~!

CHOKESLAM THROUGH THE TABLE~!

Big Show retains.

So this was actually really fun. Sure, Sabu is awful, but he’s hilariously bad more than anything .

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

FAP FAP DIVAS BACKSTAGE~! They are all acting like complete bitches to Layla who just won the diva search. gotta love how even ASHLEY is snubbing her . Turns out they were just messing with her.

 

THEY ALL GET IN THE SHOWER TOGETHER AND SPANK LAYLA’S BARE ARSE~!

 

Hulk Hogan Vs Randy Orton

ORTON KNOWS BEST~!

at Orton having to RKO Hogan on a car so all he had to do was literally bend over slightly because he’s too damn old to take a real bump. MAE YOUNG AT LIKE 80 YEARS OLD TOOK AN RKO LIKE A FUCKING CHAMP.

TRISH SWALLOWS sign .

HOGAN CROTCH CHOPPING RIGHT IN ORTON’S FACE~! Oh man, Hogan totally should have joined DX . An OAP version of the original NWO .

Man, it’s weird seeing Hogan like this. He’s OLD… but he still has quite a bit of hair… and he just looks… strange .

So is Hogan the heel here? Because he’s raking the back of Orton, BITING HIS FACE, raking his eyes and just punching the shit out of poor Randy while ALSO threatening the referee!

HOLY SHIT HOGAN TOOK A BACK BUMP~! I was gonna make a joke about a drinking game based on back bumps taken by Hogan in this match that would leave you sober at the end… but he just took a flat back bump!!!

RKO~! He took an RKO too! It looked shit but he took one.

1…2…3!

Oh no Hogan’s leg was on the rope.

People shouldn’t hit finishers on Hogan. It just makes him HULK UP.

Why does nobody leave the ring and let Hogan calm down when he starts Hulking Up?

Orton has to sell a big boot for about a minute while Hogan panders to the crowd before actually hitting a Leg Drop .

Orton lost. LOL.

Yeah this wasn’t good.

Ha, it’s that fat fan with the giant Hogan tattoo on his back that was invited into the ring at Backlash 2005 after the HBK/Hogan tag match!

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

FAP FAP FAP MELINA. She uses reverse psychology on Foley to get him ready for the upcoming match.

 

Ric Flair Vs Mick Foley – I Quit Match

finally something I wanna see!

Foley going right after Flair’s FACE . Elbows, knees and even a trash can! Flair has a black eye, either from the build up to this match… or he got drunk and fell down in the bar the night before .

Flair’s selling. “OH GOD, ARGGGHHHH”

MR SOCKO~! That didn’t take long lol.

Foley gives Flair a chance to end the match now, but when he doesn’t, he says he gonna make him SUFFER. He wraps Mr Socko with barbed wire and…

TESTICULAR CLAW BY FLAIR~!

FLAIR STEALS BARBED WIRE SOCKO~! CHOPS WITH IT~!

Foley takes his signature knee bump into the ring steps and flips over and it looks better than probably ever!

This match was originally supposed to take place way back in 2004, but Flair made some unflattering comments towards Mick on an interview and Foley decided against working with someone who didn’t respect him.

FLAIR IS BLEEDING~!

So if Foley’s chest from those barbed wire chops. I watched TNA Hardcore Justice 2014 last week and Abyss got hit in the STOMACH with a 2×4 with NAILS STICKING OUT and there wasn’t a drop of blood in sight .

BARBED WIRE BOARD TO THE FACE OF FLAIR~!

Crazy to think that Flair hated Foley for being a “glorified stuntman” yet is more than willing to have a match like this .

THUMBTACKS~!

I really wanna check out their TNA Last Man Standing match again now too. Though I always say I wanna check out certain matches when I write these and I NEVER DO .

BARBIE~!

Flair has officially gone into Crazy Old Man mode and is beating the SHIT out of Foley with Barbie!!!

We had a fucking ECW TITLE MATCH FEATURING SABU on this card and yet the Flair match is the most violent thing we get . TAKE THAT, ECW!

Foley takes a bump off the apron and cracks his skull on the floor! Melina and a trainer come down to help and tell the referee he can’t continue! But Flair gets on the mic and says this isn’t a “LAY DOWN ON YOUR ASS MATCH” and demands Foley continue!!!

I’LL KILL YOU TOO YOU LITTLE BITCH~!

BARBED WIRE TO FOLEY’S EYE~!

MELINA THROWS IN THE TOWEL! But Flair doesn’t accept that!

Foley finally quits when Flair threatens to hit Melina with Barbie!

Good GOD is this an awesome, brutal, bloody brawl! HATE~! all the fucking way!

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Booker T Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

You know how people say wrestling is like dancing when it looks fake as hell? Well, Booker T and Batista were just dancing . Clothesline > Duck the clothesline > clothesline > duck the clothesline > spin kick > catch the kick. Looked about as real as the wwe diva’s tits.

JBL terrifies me by saying this match could go 30 minutes .

Damn, they’re actually acknowledging the fight they had at the SummerSlam photo shoot! Everyone always says Booker T kicked Batista’s ass, yet Finlay on his 2006 Timeline shoot said that was a load of bollacks. Finlay doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would lie, so fuck knows what actually happened.

the crowd cheered for Batista because it looked like he was gonna do a Batista Bomb… but instead did a suplex and they booed the fuck out of him .

Sharmell jumps on Batista as he tries to hit a Batista Bomb, and Booker gets DQ’d .

This was awful.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

DX are talking to someone that we don’t see. They tell the mystery person that Vince called Umaga the biggest, baddest and best MONSTER in WWE. Bet you can’t figure out who they were talking to .

 

Shawn Michaels & Triple H Vs Vince & Shane McMahon

I swear they showed the same video with different music for all the DX Vs McMahon matches in 06. There is that one clip of DX in the production truck and they switch to “camera 10” where we see Vince piss on The Coach. WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A CAMERA IN THE MALE TOILETS?!?!

So Vince and Shane ain’t tough enough to fight DX on their own… THEY NEED MALE CHEERLEADERS TO HELP~!

DX buries them in seconds.

Oh look, that isn’t all! Mr Kennedy, REGAL AND FINLAY . Finlay is fucking killing everyone . Aaaand then DX of course win the 3 on 2 battle. Right after taking out 5 guys at once…

THE BIG SHOW~! Shouldn’t they have just like, sent EVERYONE AT ONCE from the start? Rather than giving DX a chance to fight them all individually basically?

Yey everyone has recovered and are attacking DX . Except the Spirit Squad who… seem to have literally disappeared. WHERE THE FUCK DID THEY GO?!?!

The Smackdown stars are laying the SMACKDOWN on HHH on the floor. Get it? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

CHOKESLAM TO HHH THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE~!

And now the McMahon’s come down to the ring and maybe the match can ACTUALLY START now?

Guess I should forget everything that just happened, don’t wanna base my rating on things that don’t count .

worst clothesline every by Vince.

Lol, JR calls Shane the Heir-apparent to WWE. Meanwhile the REAL Heir-apparent lays motionless on the floor after being chokeslammed through a table…

Poor Shane. At least he’s out on his own and doing really well for himself. Fuck the WWE, he don’t need it! That being said, I do wonder how things would be in the company right now if SHANE had the power HHH currently has. Now that’s an alternate time line I wanna visit!

HHH tries to get back in the ring, so Shane baseball slides him, and HHH launches over the Raw announce table and lands on JR, who just throws him off to the floor . And then acts all concerned and says he needs medical attention .

Vince and Shane doing tag team finishers from the past . DEMOLITION~! HART FOUNDATION~! LOD~!

HBK kicks out after taking all 3. Way to bury all those old tag teams!

HBK starts to make a comeback after taking all that punishment, and makes the hot tag to a guy who has been dead for the entire match thus far .

Fuck me what have I been eating? I just farted and good god I nearly choked!

Oh hey Umaga has shown up. SAMOAN SPIKE TO THE GAME~!

Before he can do any more damage though, KANE shows up. Because DUH he was the person DX talked to earlier.

SHANE SETTING UP COAST TO COAST WITH A TRASH CAN~!

SUPERKICK~! HBK intercepts Shane with a fucking SUPERKICK~!

SUPERKICK INTO A PEDIGREE TO VINCE~!

DX win.

This was a ton of the fun. The stuff before the match and everything during the match. Me likey long time.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Edge Vs John Cena – WWE Championship Match – If Edge Is DQ’d, He Loses The Title

Bah, I really don’t wanna watch this. Cena in 06 was mostly miss, and Edge wasn’t that great either most of the time. Together? Never liked their chemistry.

LITA FAP FAP FAP how the fuck do her tits stay in her top? I mean seriously? Does she tape them in place? Velcro? I WANNA KNOW.

at the lame “IF EDGE WINS WE RIOT” sign, meanwhile the rest of the crowd are chanting CENA SUCKS .

Best part of this is that we are in BOSTON, basically Cena’s hometown . EVEN THEY HATE HIM~!

Interesting things that have happened so far: 0. And we only have 5 minutes of the show left.

It hasn’t been some awful pile of turd like Batista/Booker though. It’s just been a match. That was there. And happened. With stuff. 2 jobbers on Superstars could do almost the exact same match and nobody would care.

LITA THREATENS TO HIT CENA WITH THE TITLE SO EDGE CAN ESCAPE THE STFU, BUT EDGE TELLS HER NO BECAUSE IF HE GETS DQ’D HE LOSES THE BELT~!

So if Edge can’t get DQ’d, how is he gonna win? With Brass Knucks, apparently . BECAUSE THOSE ARE LEGAL~!

F-U to Lita. Fuck me, Cena is a CUNT.

BRASS KNUCKS TO THE FACE~! EDGE WINS. HA.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 9