Month: December 2013

Insurrextion 2001

Vince is going nuts at the start of the PPV, screaming at Regal for changing the match card for tonight. Turns out LINDA did it. IT WAS ME VINCE, IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!

The card actually looks… pretty fecking good. ON PAPER. Kinda hope it does well.

Grand Master Sexay Vs Eddie Guerrero

Well, not everything can look good on paper .

Then again… GMS has the whole PANTS thing going for him, and Eddie is EDDIE. Not sure how good Eddie will be here though. One of his last matches in WWE before going to rehab and then getting released .

Hmmm… Eddie seems to be on top of things.  at him dancing like a fucking twat then kicking GMS a couple of times, only for GMS to roll him up for a near fall.

Sitout Powerbomb by GMS who falls over while doing it lol. And to think, Guerrero was the one off his tits at this time. Then again GMS got released shortly after this too now I think about it…

Eddie wins via CHEATING. Short opener, nothing special.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Perry Staturn, Dean Malenko & Terri Vs Crash, Hardcore & Molly Holly

“TRIPLE H DON’T BLOW YOUR EVER ENDING NOSE IN MY DIRECTION” Ahhh spotting awesome signs is fun .

Cole perves on Terri in a short skirt waaay too much. What a weirdo. Who does that?

Molly is pretty FAP FAP .

Oh this is now just a 2 on 2 tag because Terri isn’t in wrestling attire.

Cole claims Saturn has changed by wearing those stupid hats because he recently started dating Terri. They’ve been involved on screen for nearly a full YEAR at this point.

Huh, Molly randomly decides to stand on the apron after standing just at ringside for a few minutes. Even though she’s no longer in this match. Does anyone know what’s happening? I don’t. I have a YORKIE cookie to eat .

Damn, Saturn just CLUBS THE SHIT out of Hardcore’s head. MULTIPLE times. Saturn has a Hogan moustache. Colour and all.

 Hardcore tries to do his Alabama Slam to Saturn, but Saturn thinks its a back body drop. HE GONE FUCKED UP.

Molly keeps moving places on the apron. Even though she shouldn’t be there. WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Terri breaks up a count and the referee doesn’t call for the bell even though it’s blatant interference because SHE IS NO LONGER PART OF THE MATCH. WHAT IS FUCKING HAPPENING.

Saturn gets a northern lights suplex (I think) on Crash while everyone is busy fapping to the women and gets the win.

Aside from things NOT MAKING SENSE here and there, this is a solid tag match.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Regal is polishing his Queen’s Cup backstage. No, that’s not a euphemism.

The Big Show Vs Bradshaw

Linda cancelled Big Show Vs Test because Test is injured after getting destroyed by Big Show a couple of weeks ago. Show comes out anyway and calls Test out. Test shows up. HE’S A HERO! Show destroys him again and referees come out to save him. So Big Show claims nobody can stop him. OMG I REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENS .

BRADSHAW OF THE APA!!! (and now I can write the actual match down because I just remembered who Show faces!!!)

Big Bad Bradshaw comes down and tries to cave the giant’s face in .

Really fun FIGHT with Bradshaw having to be extra murderous in order to combat the GIANT.

Oh man, Show hits Bradshaw RIGHT IN THE FACE with a right hand. Not a WMD type punch, but a nasty, knarly, realistic kind of punch. Then he takes the referee out and goes after Test again. LOL Test sucks.

BOOT TO THE FACE WITH A CHAIR IN BETWEEN! CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! BRADSHAW GETS THE WIN!

 FUN FUN FUN. This should have been a hardcore match. I *think* Show and Test have one at JD, right? And of course Backlash has the LMS match with Show and Shane. Show has a ton of really good hardcore type matches under his belt tbh. LMS, Street Fights, Hardcore matches, No Holds Barred etc. Lots and lots of pure fun.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Edge & Christian Vs The Hardy Boys Vs The Dudley Boys Vs X-Pac & Justin Credible – Elimination Tag Team Match

Wish Albert was in this match instead of Credible. Did you read the “report” recently that claims Albert is getting paid $400,000 a year by WWE? They offered him that to leave Japan and his $100,000 a year contract there. No wonder he doesn’t give a fuck about being Tensai and dancing with a dinosaur!

LOL at X-Pac randomly falling down and pointing at his knee to distract the referee while Albert and Credible crotch Matt on the ring post. Commentary for it is great too:

Heyman: “I think that’s gonna ruin Lita’s night”

Cole: “Pretty much”

No surprise to anyone that X-Factor are the first team eliminated. They ain’t happy so Albert and Credible attack Matt on the outside while E&C eliminate Jeff!

Down to E&C and those DAMN Dudleys!

 at Edge coming into the ring, pointing at Bubba so the referee runs over to him allowing Edge to help Christian double team D-Von. How fucking DUMB is Tim White lol? 

Your standard E&C/Dudleys tag match from this point on, but as I’ve said before, a standard match between these teams (and the Hardy Boys) is better than your average tag match. Tim White keeps doing dumb things, E&C keep cheating, then Bubba gets a hot tag and steamrolls over everyone.

Is there some unwritten rule in wrestling where anyone taking a back body drop from Bubba has to fucking LEAP in the air as high as possible? Because damn, everyone goes out of their way to kill themselves lol.

RHYNO! GORE! GORE! GORE! Bubba eats a GORE and E&C gets the win. Spike comes out to prevent Bubba going through a table, and Rhyno ends up taking a 3-D through it!

Good match.

Rating: ***14
CAL SCALE – 2

Clips of a make a wish foundation thingy that WWE attended the night before. Stephanie slaps Michael Cole. Wonder if that was someone’s wish .

Eamonn Holmes Chris Tarrant are in the crowd. THE STARS ARE OUT TONIGHT .

Steven Richards and Ivory come out to tell us that we are terrible people for having Page 3 nudity. Oh and he’s managed to get the ladies battle royal cancelled. They all come out and strip Ivory and Richards. Then beat him up. LOL.

Kurt Angle Vs Chris Benoit – 2 out of 3 Falls Match

Nothing like having a 2 out of 3 falls match on the PPV before they have a 2 out of 3 falls match on PPV! 

This one doesn’t have a ladder match though.

2 years in a row for these guys having a match at Insurrextion. Enjoyed last year’s. Wonder if this will be any good.

Benoit stole Angle’s Gold Medals last week. He’s hiding them in his crotch. CROTCH MEDALS.

 at Heyman taking the piss out of Australia during this match. Why? Because he’s PAUL FUCKING HEYMAN.

3 AMIGOS BY BENOIT!!! Sort of. First 2 are snap suplexes and he looks terrible at spinning up off the mat, then the third he drops Angle down across the ropes. But still. Did Benoit invent the 3 AMIGOS?

FLYING HEADBUTT! Benoit gets the first fall win. This has been good so far. They seemed to have their better stuff in 01 imo. They didn’t have that robotic style down yet and were a little more stiff and gritty, or at least as much as Angle could be.

Second fall gets a little dull as Angle attempts to control things, but Benoit is constantly fighting back after a boring sleeper hold nearly puts me to sleep thankfully. Some nice exchanges with Benoit getting the upperhand constantly and getting the win in the second fall, beating Angle 2 straight falls! They claim it’s because Angle is too busy thinking about his Gold Medals. His Gold Medals are in Benoit’s crotch. So is Angle thinking about Benoit penis? 

This was good. Not great, but good.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Chris Jericho Vs William Regal – Queen’s Cup Match

Gotta feel for Teddy Long in this one. A singles match? Really? Why couldn’t HE be the referee for the 4 team elimination match? Poor guy.

Gotta feel for anyone watching this match. It’s slooooow in a bad way, and extremely dull. Highlight was Regal doing that awesome suplex. Normally he does a half nelson suplex and turns them completely over, but here he did it as a German Suplex. Either way it makes me . Unfortunately that’s all that made me  in this one.

Jericho wins the cup.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

The Undertaker Vs Steve Austin & Triple H – WWF Championship Handicap Match

Undertaker has to pin Austin to win the WWF title, but he can still just pin HHH for the win.

Austin and HHH think they’ve got this in the bag because it’s 2 on 1. So Undertaker brings in a steel chair and the 2 Man Power Trip are shitting themselves!

LOL at HHH. Undertaker books him in the face to knock him out of the ring, but he fucks up and just slides down to the mat instead. Undertaker has to turn back and punch him in the face to knock him over the ropes. HE’S THE MICHAEL JORDAN OF THE WWE HONEST!!! 

“ASTIN SOLD OUT” sign in the crowd. Not only is it hilarious because they couldn’t spell Austin right, but they are also holding it upside down . Fucking southerners .

What the fuck was that? What? This:

 a similar situation happens with Austin about 2 minutes later .

About 10 minutes into the match and Earl decides that HHH and Austin need to tag in and out. Ok…

CHAIR SHOT~! Undertaker is now in trouble with the 2 Man Power Trip in control.

Nothing like a sleeper hold by HHH to get the fans into the match… *yawns*

Worst. Chokeslam through a table. Ever. My god, does anyone give a FUCK in this match? I’ve put more effort into going to A4E than this. Holy jebus. I’m watching an Undertaker match and I’m NOT CARING.

Vince McMahon shows up, decks HHH with a chair by accident, takes a better chokeslam than HHH did through the table earlier. HHH takes a good chokeslam finally, and Undertaker gets the win. But doesn’t win the title. Because he needed to pin Austin for that. I guess he figured with the numbers game and the fact he was bleeding and shit, he just needed to get the win over whoever he could. Still seemed dumb.

This PPV was looking good. Fun and shit. Then got dull towards the end. Does shit on the CAL SCALE mainly because the good matches weren’t good enough on the old STARS~!

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Overall CAL SCALE – 6.5

Invasion 2001

Well, 2000 is done with for my PPV Rambles. Time to start 2001. But where to start? Gotta be INVASION for me. Most of 2001 was centred around the Invasion angle, so I think the PPV that got it rolling should be the first I watch . Besides, I’ve already seen WM 17 a few months back so bugger reviewing that AGAIN. Same for the RR .

Lance Storm & Mike Awesome Vs Edge & Christian

Lol, Storm & Awesome don’t even get an entrance on the PPV. Already in the ring . E&C interupt Storm’s attempted promo.

E&C are showing up those southern Dub See Dub hicks early on. Then Christian nearly kills himself with a dive over the ropes. Pretty much like what Lesnar did at Extreme Rules 2012 lol.

Poor Christian keeps nearly dying with some insane bumps. One off the top rope to the outside that begins the heel control segment, and then another ribs first into the ring post. But of course all this means is FIP Christian .

Mike Awesome teases us with a top rope powerbomb, but it never happens .

Holy motherfucking shit at the height Storm gets on a back body drop. Puts Jeff Hardy to shame.

Finishing stretch for this is insanely good. A ton of miscommunication spots between Edge & Christian along with miscommunication spots from Awesome & Storm provide a TON of near falls that get the crowd going crazy. Shame the rest of the match is terribly basic outside of a couple of cool spots.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Earl Hebner Vs Nick Patrick – Special Guest Referee Mick Foley

A referee match. On PPV. And Mini Flair isn’t even in it.

Cole talking about Earl: “HERE’S A MAN WHO IS EXTREMELY LOYAL TO THE WWF!”. A few years later he would be fired for selling merch without WWE’s consent .

 I took my eye off the match for a second and saw Earl falling through the ropes and forgot there was a Ref Vs Ref match going on and assumed there was a ref bump in an actual match .

SPEAR BY EARL! Well, sort of. Not even close. But he wins anyway.

This was oddly entertaining. In a way. Prevents it being a flat out DUD at least lol.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

SARA BREAKS KAYFABE AND CALLS UNDERTAKER MARK.

Sean O’Haire & Chuck Palumbo Vs The APA

 APA. And they are the tag team champions .

 hilarious watching the buildup video with the APA rallying the troops and shit against the Alliance… and like, 90% of them are released/disappear within the next month or two.

TEDDY LONG IS THE REFEREE. TEDDY LONG SIGN IN THE CROWD.

Match starts off awesome with the APA beating the shit out of the WCW guys. Then it goes meh when Farooq is the FIP because the pace slows down and the WCW guys aren’t exactly brilliant in the ring. Hot tag to Bradshaw and things get FUN again.

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL. APA win. Needed to be like, half as long and nothing but a brawl.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

X-Pac Vs Billy Kidman

X-Factor. Underrated group with an underrated theme song. Yeah I said it. Any faction with X-Pac and ALBERT has to be good. Justin Credible was always kinda just there.

Always makes me laugh that X-Pac was still getting booed during the Invasion. People really, really don’t like him. And I don’t know why. Guy is probably better than most people’s favourite wrestler. Casual fans at least.

X-Pac makes Kidman look like a shitty rookie by showing him up and wrestling circles around him basically… and he still gets booed .

Odd senton from X-Pac off the ropes. Kidman moves too, and X-Pac kinda falls in slow motion almost lol. Sweet X-Factor (the finisher, not the faction) counter by X-Pac.

Ha, Kidman counters the Bronco Buster with a foot to the balls.

KIDMAN WINS~! Brings the score up to 3-1 now. Fans cheer even though the WWF just lost a match. This was solid stuff.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

TORRIE AND STACY TALKING ABOUT THEIR TITS AND ASSES.

OOOOOO STACE, YOU DO HAVE A FIRM ASS! (FAP FAP FAAAAAAP)

Raven Vs William Regal

Johnny Polo Vs Steve “Real Man” Regal.

Even REGAL gets a babyface reaction. Suck it, X-Pac .

 “THIS INVASION STARTED TONIGHT WHEN CHAVO GUERRERO JR GOT A BIG VICTORY OF THE WWF’S SCOTTY 2 HOTTY”  a BIG victory for Chavo Jr is beating Scotty .

“Will trade PS2 for a ride on Russian Space Shuttle”  GOAT sign ever.

Match is really slow and dull. Regal really took his time to get into the grove in WWF I think. Outside of a few matches I don’t think he really got into the swing of things until like 02.

Tazz shows up and suplexes Regal, Raven hits the DDT and this is done. Thank fuck.

Rating: 3/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

The Big Show, Billy Gunn & Albert Vs Hugh Morris, Kanyon & Shawn Stasiak

SHOW GUNNS~!

ALBERT is IC champ. I remember those days . Plus, he won it from KANE. Yeah, those fucking KANE VS ALBERT matches. 

OMG MR PERFECT! MR PERFECT HAS RETURNED!!! No wait it’s just Stasiak’s theme. Because. I dunno.

TRIPLE BODY PRESS SLAM. LOOK AT THE POWER OF THE WWF. BLATANT ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF STASIAK GETTING BLACKBALLED FROM THE WWF IN LATE 99 FOR BEING USELESS AND SHITTY AND A CUNT.

Albert is a one man ARSE KICKING MACHINE. With a giant head.

CHARLES ROBINSON FAN CLUB. Some amazing signs in the crowd.

CHARLES ROBINSON BEST HAIR IN THE BIZ. They just keep getting better .

 Stasiak hits Sting’s finisher on Billy Gunn so Hugh Morris can pin him for the win, but the dumb bastard gets confused and is actually trying to pin Gunn himself WHILE MORRIS IS COVERING HIM .

WCW/ECW get the win but Big Show destroys everyone afterwards. 3-3 now, BUT Chavo got that BIG win on Heat earlier so technically I guess it could be 3-4 in favour of the Alliance! Booooo! Alliance suck! They not WWF!

This was mildly entertaining.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

THAT LITTLE GOB SHIT TAZZ. Regal pissed off + English swearing = .

Tajri Vs Tazz

Tajiri is Regal’s assistant or… something. And Tazz just screwed Regal out of a match. So Regal fires up Tajiri and good GOD would you really want Tajiri fucked off at you? He’d kick your face so hard… well you’d die. No fancy/funny lines there. HE’D MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOU.

I hope this only gets like 2 minutes. TAJIRI MINI-MATCHES .

First move of the match is a kick .

Tajiri kicks. Tazz suplexes. They fight on the mat MMA style.

Perhaps lasts longer than I would have liked (crazy I know), but  this was fun. GREEN MIST. KICK TO THE FACE. TAJIRI IS GOAT.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 BOB HOLLY is the big attraction in WWF New York. He beats up a fan wearing a WCW shirt. I THINK HE WAS A PLANT.

Jeff Hardy Vs RVD – WWF Hardcore Championship Match

 Only 1 title gets defended at this show and it’s the hardcore title .

Oh man, how awesome was THAT? Jeff goes for a running cross body, RVD ducks and then hits a standing moonsault the moment Jeff crashes on the mat!

IRON MIKE SHARPE RULES. My god, these fucking signs man.

Great to see a bunch of crazy spots here that at the time weren’t over done to shit. Plus, helps that both RVD and Jeff were capable of doing them without fucking them up to hell .

Oh man, RVD getting back up after being powerbombed on the floor only to see Hardy on top of a fucking ladder is amazing. He nearly shits himself and runs into the ring out of the way . Then pushes the ladder over and DAMN Jeff crashes HARD on the fucking FLOOR.

VAN DAMINATOR~! Hardy falls into the pit of hell that is the giant random hole in the middle of the entrance ramp lol.

RVD being able to bounce on his head and fold himself up like a porn star certainly allows from some unique and sick looking bumps lol .

Finish is… retarded as fuck. 5 Star Frog Splash onto Jeff, with the hardcore title belt on Jeff’s stomach. Which would do fuck all to Jeff and hurt RVD .

Aside from that, this is . One of my favourite hardcore title matches. Even JR says so. He also says he doesn’t know how many stars we’ll give it. Well, I’ll let you in on my STARS~! Jim .

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Lita & Trish Stratus Vs Stacy Keibler & Torrie Wilson – Special Guest Referee Mick Foley – Bra & Panties Match

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

FAP FAP.

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

FAP.

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

FAP FAP FAP FAP.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

The Undertaker, Kane, Steve Austin, Kurt Angle & Chris Jericho Vs DDP, Rhyno, The Dudley Boys & Booker T

As bad as the Invasion angle was on the whole, I just LOVED it at the time. Hell I’m still entertained AS FUCK watching it these days. It’s GOOD, it’s just not what it could have and SHOULD have been. I accept that and just take it for how it is.

The Austin “return” was fucking EPIC. I wasn’t even a fan of the guy at this time (in 2001 when I saw it as it happened obviously), but damn, even I was marking out like fuck for it. When he ran in and just fucking DESTROYED the entire Alliance was epic. Oh, and how GREAT was that backstage motivation speech segment with FREDDIE BLASSY? GOAT Old Man. Always loved when he did voice overs for PPV videos too.

Hearing Stephanie McMahon announced as the owner of ECW is hilarious. Though I wouldn’t mind going EXTREME with STEPHANIE FAP FAP.

JR on Booker T: “HE’S NO RIC FLAIR, HE’S NO STING”. I 100% agree with the Flair comment… but Sting? I’d say they are about even in terms of sucking . Though Sting is infinitely more popular and DOES have those great Vader matches that make Booker T’s best matches look like Booker T’s worst matches.

DAT ANGLE POP. Still can’t believe they turned him heel when he was SO HOT at the time. Then the revealed it was planned and he was helping the WWF. And remained heel still. WHAT?

A brawl erupts before Austin can even get out from behind the curtain, when Undertaker charges after DDP. 10 MAN FIGHT to start this match off .

BUBBA fucking eats a huge punch from Austin and takes an awesome bump off the apron. BUBBA~!

They (announcers) bring up that Jericho stormed into Vince’s office and begged to be on Team WWF to prove his loyalty. Interesting thought, who could have been on the team instead of Jericho at the time? Big Show so they could have a GIANT (after all he was in the Survivor Series one)? Can’t think of anyone else tbh. HHH and Benoit were injured, Rock wasn’t available to return quite yet due to HOLLYWOOD.

Did we ever get a Bubba Vs Undertaker match? Because they have a small interaction during this match and they looked to have potential together. I only remember tags and the handicap “let’s kill Paul bearer” match.

Man, this might have the single longest Babyface Shine Period of ANY match ever lol. Team WWF absolutely dominate for what seems like forever. But a good forever because this never gets dull or boring and watching all the WWF guys get tagged in and cause shit is .

Just when you think Team WCW are gonna start their control segment, someone new gets tagged on and runs over the Alliance lol. OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY on Bubba looks awesome. BUBBA seems to be the best guy on his team in this match lol. Certainly the guy doing shit I remember and feel the need to mention.

Kurt Angle ends up being the guy that the Alliance control. Which is somewhat surprising. Probably should have been Jericho imo. LOL, Angle can’t escape a headlock from DDP. DDP IS TEH BESTESTEST TECHNIKALS WRASSLER EVA!

Eventually Undertaker gets fucked off and charges in after DDp while the refee is just like “Hey guys, can we like, go back to a normal tag match now please? Pretty please?”

Everyone charges in now, and it spills to the outside and we gets some  super fun 5 on 5 brawling all over the place. LAST RIDE TO CHARLES ROBINSON.

DDP and Undertaker fuck off into the crowd somewhere. Hmmm… Undertaker takes out a referee and spends a crazy amount of time brawling in the crowd? What it is, WM 17? 

CHOKESLAM TO D-VON THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!!! MONITOR TO THE FACE OF KANE!!! DOUPLE SUPLEX THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!!! KANE IS DONE!!!

RHYNO THROUGH A TABLE! RHYNO THROUGH A TABLE! JERICHO JUST THREW HIMSELF OFF THE APRON AND RHYNO AND THEY WENT THROUGH A TABLE!

This leaves us with Booker T and Angle in the ring. Austin apparently has fucked up his knee, but for some reason nobody brings it up. Like, AT ALL.

Bubba and Booker try to double team Angle in the ring, but those MOVES~! of Angle save him for the time being.

Vince throws the WWF title belt into the ring for Angle, but Shane grabs it first and takes out Vince! ANGLE SLAM TO BOOKER! THE ANKLE LOCK! BOOKER IS TAPING BUT THERE IS NO REFEREE! AUSTIN BRINGS ONE INTO THE RING… THEN OMG!!! OMG!!! STUNNER TO ANGLE! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!? AUSTIN JUST TURNED HIS BACK ON THE WWF! AUSTIN JUST SCREWED US ALL!!!

 Austin turned on the WWF! SHOCKING finish to say the least. The Alliance has beaten the WWF! Great match. Lasts forever but never drags or feels THAT long. Good stuff overall and I likes it a lot. Not as good as the Survivor Series match is (based on memory), but still one hell of a 10 man tag to really kick-start the Invasion.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Overall CAL SCALE – 11

Fully Loaded 2000

It’s finally here . Been excited to re-watch this show the entire time I’ve been watching 2000 PPV’s lol. Can it live up to the HYPE~! or will it fall short? Can it take the #1 spot over BACKLASH? Only one way to find out!

The Hardy Boys & Lita Vs T & A & Trish

Mixed 6 person tag to start things off. LITA . TRISH . T & A . HARDY BOYS… well they’re ok .

Entire build for this match is TRISH VS LITA lol. Hardys and T & A are… just here by association it seems lol. For the best, I doubt a PPV match in 2000 would have been good between the two ladies . FINLAY isn’t in the company to train them yet.

 Matt is a sloppy bastard in the early going. Botches like FUCK about 6 times in the space of 2 minutes. He was the balanced Hardy for a lot of years too, so surprising to see him fail so bad here .

LITA (FAP FAP FAP) is over like HELL. She’s getting chants throughout the match just standing on the apron.

HUGE POP FOR TRISH as she tags in. I’ve popped huge for her in the past .

 TRISH comes in, misses an elbow drop and runs away because LITA got tagged in.

TRIPLE SUPLEX~!

Matt takes his top off. Jeff takes his off. LITA TAKES HER SHIRT OFF . BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP. WELL, SOMETHING IS CERTAINLY UP ANYWAY. WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE.

MY PENIS.

Jeff gets fucking murdered. Almost literally when T & A attempt either a double back drop OR a double flapjack. I don’t know and either does Jeff because he goes half and half and nearly lands on his fecking neck. Looked awesomely brutal though .

Crazy shit following a hot tag, then LITA tags in. TORNADO DDT ON TEST! CROSSBODY FROM THE TOP TO THE FLOOR ON ALBERT! LITACANRANA TO TEST! Almost wins the match for her team, then Albert cracks her in the back . Which is injured because of the table she went through and the beatings with the belt.

Gutwrench powerbomb to Lita . Trish gets the cover, but LITA KICKS OUT!

TRISH ON THE TOP ROPE! SLAP TO ALBERT. SUPERPLEX BY LITA!!!

MOONSAULT TO TRISH AND LITA FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP GETS THE WIN! Wooo way to go LITA .

But it isn’t over yet. T & A destroy The Hardy Boys and help Trish beat Lita with a leather belt some more. YOU LEAVE HER ALONE .

Tremendously awesomely super duper fun opener. Plus, you know, LITA AND TRISH. Good stuff!

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

UNDERTAKER . He shows up on his bike, asks if anyone has seen Kurt. Kurt randomly happens to be “over there” so Undertaker rides into the backstage area and chases down Angle on his bike!  awesome.

Tazz Vs Al Snow

So Tazz has been going around attacking random people for no reason. We get a video package showing this. No sign of him attacking Snow. Which makes me wonder WHY this match is happening lol. He did attack RIKISHI a number of times… did that ever turn into anything? Probably just a Raw match lol.

Oh so apparently Al got choked out last week on Raw. Maybe they should have shown us THAT? No?

Short filler match here, with no real purpose or anything, BUT it’s fun. Both guys just throw bombs at each other in an attempt to win, and since it isn’t some big 20 minute main event (hai ROH), I’m honestly fine with them doing that lol. Fun to watch, and given the fact this match is based on practically nothing I think they did well.

Plus it was kinda cool to see Snow look like a somewhat legit guy in there for a change, especially with him countering and fighting the TAZZMISSION.

Rating: *1/4
CAL SCALE – 0.5

CHRISTIAN IS VOMITING! Commissioner Foley is here to check up on him! The doctor doesn’t think he can compete tonight. Looks like they won’t have to defend their titles tonight against the APA .

STEPHANIE MCFAP . She gets a delivery of flowers. Not the first of the night it seems. HHH wonders who sent em. Steph thought it was him. So HHH decides to check the card. STEPHANIE, BEST OF LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR MAN TONIGHT. IT’S TRUE, IT’S TRUE. Kurt got some splaining to do!

Eddie Guerrero Vs Perry Saturn – WWF European Championship Match

Terri is out with Perry Saturn. She’s the “horny little shedevil” apparently. Does that make Chyna the “horny big shemale”? 

Perry has certainly managed to fuck Eddie off in recent weeks, because Eddie is on fire early on and absolutely DOMINATES the bigger, stronger Perry Saturn. Even Chyna decks him with a clothesline that turns him inside out!

 GOAT ring steps bump by Saturn. He BOUNCES off them into the barricade. Potential GIF material there. If so I should post it right under this .

Saturn really takes a beating here before finally getting a shot in, with a pretty sweeeeet POWERBOMB, but that alone isn’t enough to gain full control as he needed to rest up afterwards and that allowed Eddie to recover and fire back still. Saturn even has a small puncture wound on top of his head lol.

Saturn keeps getting a couple of power moves in on Eddie, but Eddie keeps firing back over and over again. I quite like how Saturn never really get in control in this. Eddie is the champion after all, plus he’s fighting for Chyna AND has Chyna outside for support. Saturn had Terri but she ran away right at the start of the match.

So how DID Saturn get back in control? First he CLOTHESLINED CHYNA THROUGH A TABLE, then Terri returned and helped him take Eddie down. Elbow drop and… this one is over. Just like that. And I actually liked it. Like I said, Eddie had everything going for him for the majority of the match, but once Saturn took Chyna out of the equation and Terri came back to ringside, he was able to quickly capitalise on the situation and win his first title in the WWF! Overall I quite liked this.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Foley catches Christian not being sick. Match is back on .

Undertaker says Angle will need a doctor to surgically remove his foot from his ass. LOL. Angle is then caught playing on Undertaker’s bike . ‘Taker chases after him.

Edge & Christian Vs The APA – WWF Tag Team Championship Match

 APA tag on PPV. And for the tag titles .

E&C have been trying to avoid the APA for weeks, right up to minutes before the match. But now they can’t escape. The APA coming for you, WHITE BOYS.

Heel promo on Dallas, forcing the APA to come out and BRADSHAW to cut an emotional promo on Texas. Awesome stuff from Bradshaw, really proving he can go on the mic if he gets the chance.

DICK MURDOCH, BRUISER BRODY, VON ERICH’S AND FREEBIRDS get name dropped by Bradshaw . This is gonna fucking RULE.

Fuck me, right from the start it’s INSANE. Farooq is just fucking everyone up with MULTIPLE shots to the face with the steel steps .

SUPER FALLAWAY SLAM .

Bradshaw wants a powerbomb, but Edge keeps dropping to his knees to escape. So Bradshaw beats the shit out of him a few times then hits it anyway . He goes for a second but Christian comes off the ropes with a Crossbody to prevent it .

The tag champs try to isolate Bradshaw, but it don’t last long. Hot tag to Farooq and HOLY FUCK at the destruction caused by the APA as they MURDER the champs with stiff shots, high impact moves and FINISHERS. Christian takes one hell of a CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL bump.

In the end Edge hits Farooq with the ring bell in plain sight to get DQ’d. Lose the match but retain the titles. APA kick the shit out of E&C all the way to the back.

 this is awesome. I mean AWESOME. APA might very well be the funnest tag team EVER.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

HHH is pissed that “Kurt” is sending the flowers. So Stephanie (looking mighty fine) tells him to go see Kurt. Switch to Kurt and Undertaker is chasing him down. Angle attacks Undertaker with a wrench to the knee!

Rikishi Vs Val Venis – WWF Intercontinental Championship Steel Cage Match

This feud was pretty awesome and VIOLENT as hell for a mid-card feud. They’ve been battling for about 2 months, and probably would have had the blow off match sooner had the KOTR not been the previous PPV. Val had turned heel and joined TRISH and became vicious as fuck. Both guys bled after fighting each other numerous times. And Val threw Scotty off the stage at one point too. Well worthy of a CAGE.

Val seems to have no problem going FACE FIRST into the cage. Numerous times. In a row.

Seems odd to me that both men attempt to escape the cage VERY early on, given that this is a pretty HATE~! filled rivalry. But once they get past that slight stupidity, they stick with trying to murder each other and THEN try to win the IC title.

GOOD GOD at the Clothesline from Val that turns Rikishi inside out. Impressive that Rikishi can do that spot no doubt, but always good when someone can hit a clothesline convincing enough of the spot. Val certainly mastered that lol.

Val tries to pin Rikishi to win the IC title but nothing works, so NOW he goes for some escapes, which make sense at this point. We get a few really good top rope battles out of this too tbh.

BONZAI~! Val gets his foot on the ropes. MONEY SHOT! Rikishi kicks out!

LITA LITA LITA FAP FAP FAP!!! SHE STRIPS TRISH AND WHIPS HER!

Val falls on poor Teddy Long. THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED IN A TAG MATCH, TEDDY! Rikishi manages to climb to the top… but instead of escaping he decides to punish Val some more. Just like his relative, Jimmy Snuka, RIKISHI HITS A SPLASH FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE!!! Val is DEAD.

The ‘Kish crawls to the door, looks to escape and then BAM! Camera to the head by TAZZ! Rikishi is out, Val is able to make the cover and he gets the 3! Val is the NEW IC champion!

Good cage match. They have a pretty good fight here. Wait, Val was the champ going into this? Lol, thought Rikishi was. Maybe just because he was the IC champ the month before at KOTR . Anyway, Val retains the IC championship! Lots to like about this, and DAMN at the Rikishi bump. Amazing. Plus, LITA .

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

HHH is looking for Kurt. He catches the flower guy with more flowers. HHH demands he take him to the sender. Turns out it was CHRIS JERICHO, HHH’s opponent tonight!

SHANE MCMAHON! He’s out to call out The Rock and prove he isn’t a pussy. Rock comes out expecting a trap. IT’S A TRAP. But Benoit is backstage destroying Rock’s shitty wardrobe in an attempt to anger Rock, hopefully enough to get himself DQ’d later tonight and lose the WWF Title!

The Undertaker Vs Kurt Angle

On a night with 3 main events, this is the first one. Not really on the same level as the other 2 lol. Angle, despite winning the KOTR, really doesn’t scream MAIN EVENTER yet. And Undertaker wouldn’t get back into the swing of things outside of a couple of matches until the end of 2001. Honestly I think they just named it a “main event” out of respect to The Undertaker and to give Angle a bit of notoriety as they were about to push the hell out of him.

Always remember the match with Undertaker and HHH on SD where Angle accidentally nails Undertaker with a sledgehammer. It was the first SD I ever saw .

 at Angle almost shitting himself when his pyro went off. He’s pissed off the Dead Man and he’s GONNA PAY. Undertaker doesn’t even wait for his entrance, instead he comes down on his bike during Angle’s entrance to take the fight to Kurt!

Undertaker is fucked off, and beats the shit out of Angle early on. He hits a couple of high impact moves, but keeps picking Kurt up after a 2 count. He also tells Time White to fuck off. He doesn’t want to end this one quick. He wants to hurt him SLOOOOOW.

Angle is desperate, and he finds the opportunity to hit Undertaker in the knee again with the wrench! Undertaker keeps Angle at bay in the ring with some big right hands, but Angle is relentless in his attempt to go after the injured knee. He finally gets a chop block and Undertaker is down!

So Angle attacks the legs, Undertaker makes a comeback.  at the referee on his knees ready to do a 3 count and begging Undertaker to cover Angle after the Chokeslam. The fuck, Tim White? 

LAST RIDE! And this one is over.

Decent match. They go on to have MUCH better matches. Later in the year at Survivor Series for starters. Undertaker’s leg selling is… shoddy as fuck lol. Which is a shame because Undertaker IS one of the very best sellers in the fucking WORLD when he actually sells. But this was during a time when Undertaker really wasn’t at the top of his game. Shame.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

Chris Jericho Vs Triple H – Last Man Standing Match

Jericho kissed STEPHANIE, but now has to go through a Last Man Standing match with HHH. Fair deal! 

I HEARD HE SHAVES ONE LEG SO WHEN HE GOES TO BED AT NIGHT IT FEELS LIKE HE’S SLEEPING WITH A WOMEN! 

Jericho has the injured ribs following a sledgehammer shot last week. Earlier he attacked HHH and the moment the bell rings he goes all out to try and take the Game out as quick as possible in hopes that HHH won’t get the chance to target the ribs. Unfortunately HHH gets the chance to target the ribs . I like BBQ Ribs.

So HHH is the heel of this program. Jericho is the face. The storyline is that Jericho keeps verbally abusing Stephanie and has forced himself on her a couple of times. HHH wants revenge. And is somehow the heel. 

Fucking referee is an annoying cunt in this. He’s ALWAYS getting in the way even though this is a fucking LAST MAN STANDING match. Object of the match is to practically KILL YOUR OPPONENT. The ref is there to count to 10 and NOTHING ELSE. So fuck off already dammit.

Great rib work by HHH. Great rib selling by Jericho. Great rib eating by me. OM NOM NOM RIBS.

LOOK AT STEPHANIE I THINK HE’S HAVING SOME EVIL THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW. I’m having evil thoughts looking at Stephanie .

Jericho gets brutalised but keeps getting up again and again. HHH is pissed. Then Jericho does a crotch job. So HHH hits a Pedigree. He’s all cocky and lays down on the corner in the ropes because he thinks its all over… but JERICHO IS UP!

STEEL CHAIR~!

Fucking referee. He’s spazzing out like a fucking spazzy twatty cunt.

HHH goes for a Pedigree on the chair, but the fucking REFEREE again gets in the way and gives Jericho enough time to hit a low blow and get the chair for himself. Referee doesn’t give a fuck as Jericho decks THE GAME in THE HEAD. I am confused that Jericho is the babyface in this story to begin with, but clearly having a fucking BIASED REFEREE helping him isn’t helping me understand.

BLOOD~! DUB DUB EEEE NEED TO GO AWAY FROM TEH PEE GEE SO WE CAN GET BACK TEH BLUD.

So Jericho’s ribs are still fucked, but now he has perhaps evened the playing field thanks to a biased referee and the chair shot to the head that has BUSTED HIM WIDE OPEN (HHH that is). Maybe Jericho can pull out the big “babyface” (LOL he’s a heel) comeback!!!

PEDIGREE ON THE STEEL STEPS? 

No . DAMN YOU JERICHO. Told you he was the heel in this. Everyone (ME) wanted to see that. But no, babyface Jericho couldn’t allow it to happen. Pussy.

DOUBLE MONITOR SHOTS TO THE FACE~!

Awwwww Stephanie looks so cute being all upset and concerned while hiding behind a ring post.

WALLS OF JERICHO! HHH IS TAPPING!

The Game gets to the ropes, and the ref asks Jericho to break but he doesn’t have to. Oh but earlier with the Abdominal Stretch by HHH he HAD to break the hold. Stephanie comes in for the save and that HEEL Jericho puts her in the Walls . HOW DARE HE. HHH runs at him from behind in the exact same way that would tear his quad a year later.

SLEDGY THE SLEDGEHAMMER! Yeah I named it. It ends up buried (ha, get it?) right into the ribs of HHH!

Back body drop off the time keeper’s table through the announce table! Both men are OUT! I bet they were supposed to do that from one announce table to the other, but Chyna getting CLOTHESLINED through it earlier fucked that spot up .

THE GAME manages to stand at 9 and he gets the win! The triumphant babyface victory! He beat the evil Jericho and got revenge for his beautiful wife! YES! YES! YES! YES!

Match is awesome. Tremendous. Excellent. Best LMS match by quite a large margin. Closet to it would be the NM 07 HHH/Orton match (FUCK Umaga/Cena). I do still find it odd that HHH is the heel and Jericho is the babyface . Finish is a total babyface “battling the odds” and coming out on top win too . YO STEPHANIE, I DID IT!

Rating: ****3/4
CAL SCALE – 8

The Rock Vs Chris Benoit – WWF Championship Match

Benoit looks snazzy in a torn up Rock shirt. As does Shane with those sunglasses. They just need that WWF Championship with them too…

If The Rocks gets himself DQ’d here, he WILL lose the WWF Title! Go on Rock, get DQ’d .

Oh man, LOVE how they do the spot with Rock chasing Shane so he runs into the ring and you just KNOW Benoit is gonna cut him off… except Rock clotheslines Benoit and keeps on running after Shane!!!

SHANE’S A PUSSY chants. What do we get these days? Walrus chants at Heyman from time to time? 

Lawler: “I wanna apologise right now to the people at home watching this for this crude language coming from these fans here in Dallas.”

JR: “I wanna apologise to the fans at home for The King being the biggest butt kisser for the McMahons that ever sat out here!”

 god I LOVE JR and Lawler’s back and forth shit. Not just in this match or this show, but fuck, every PPV just has so much pure GOLD. Can you imagine if the show structure was the same back in the day with Heenan and Monsoon? How much gold could we have gotten from them with a weekly 2 hour show like Raw and then 12 PPV’s a year? 

Benoit does a good job of controlling The Rock, but even then The Rock isn’t giving up. So Shane throws in the title belt and distracts the referee so Benoit can deck Rock in the FACE with it. Doesn’t work though .

How AWESOME are Benoit’s back suplexes?

SHARPSHOOTER! EARL HENBER! CANADIAN WHO TRAINED WITH THE HART FAMILY! MCMAHON AT RINGSIDE! Bah, no screw job, Rock doesn’t lose the title that way .

JR: WHY DO YOU EMBARRASS YOURSELF BY SAYING STUPID THINGS LIKE THAT THAT AREN’T TRUE?” 

Shane is pretty superb on the outside. Always busy, always doing something, and is a HUGE difference maker a number of times in the match.

 Rock steals a fan’s beer to throw at Benoit, and it splashes on another fan who CHEERS at the fact he got splashed with beer by Benoit and The Rock .

Rock is really good in this too (was about to put great but then thought fuck it  ). I like how his comeback attempts aren’t just a couple of punches or a shitty clothesline, but some big impactful move. Like the powerbomb attempt that end up dropping Benoit neck first into the ropes, or him hitting a spinebuster and getting a People’s Elbow in without hesitation because he realises he may not get another chance with a guy like Benoit.

But as good as Shane is on the outside and Rock is on the inside, BENOIT is the fucking KING in this one. His offence is impeccable. He just looks like he SHOULD be the WWF champion. And of course he sells all of Rock’s shit perfectly and cuts him off well every time too.

And then when it becomes clear that maybe, just maybe Rock isn’t going to lose, Shane and Benoit set Rock up BEAUTIFULLY for a DQ! Rock applies a Crossface, the ref gets back up and calls for the bell… and BENOIT is named the NEW WWF CHAMPION!!! Shane then cracks Rock in the face with a chair and busts him open too, just for the fecking hell of it .

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

Ahh damn it. Foley comes out and says he didn’t see a DQ and neither did the fans, so this match is restarting .

GERMAN SUPLEX ON A PAPER CUP! Yes, fans actually threw shit in the ring! No doubt after Foley restarted this match and claimed that Benoit wasn’t champion .

CROSSFACE! Rock is gonna lose the title anyway, and he’s gonna lose it clean! Screw you, Foley! Benoit is gonna be champion whether you like it or not dammit!

Bah, Rock escapes. Rock Bottom. Rock wins .

So aside from the shitty finish (happens a lot in Rock matches…), this was awesome.

Rating: ****1/2
CAL SCALE – 7

Overall CAL SCALE – 20.5

Backlash 2000

 my all time favourite event in the history of everything and all existence.

Edge & Christian Vs X-Pac & Road Dogg – WWF Tag Team Championship Match

Debra randomly returns to do the ring announcing for this match. No idea where she went, and honestly she does a TERRIBLE job at announcing. But she’s married to Austin at this point and she had nice boobs so ok.

DX are “favoured” to win this tag match. Ok, more experience and shit I understand… but fuck, JR and Lawler are always putting over DX as quite possibly the best tag team ever. Did these guys EVER team up before Feb when Gunn got injured? 

LOL, Edge takes down Pac with a spinning heel kick, something we’re more likely to see from him rather than Edge… so X-Pac spits in Edge’s face and tags out . Sounds more like something Road Dogg would do to Bradshaw before running away and tagging in Billy .

E&C have things going their way early on, but we get a real nice cut off spot where DX gain the advantage and begin to isolate Christian. CHRISTIAN FIP . Hope it’s good in 2000 like it is nowadays.

X-PAC RIDING BAREBACK ON CHRISTIAN IN THE CORNER. Right after Tori choked him a little. Sounds like Storytime with Andy. All that’s missing is a cripple. Edge is kinda crippled now, and he’s on the apron, so can he count?

DX keep using those good old fashioned HEEL TACTICS to control the match and keep things going their way. Preventing the ref from seeing tags, double teaming, using Tori etc. Then eventually Edge & Christian turn one of their HEEL TACTICS against them with Edge hitting a diving headbutt on Road Dogg while the ref is busy with X-Pac!

X-FACTOR! The ref is busy dealing with Tori and Road Dogg, so Christian comes in and BUSTS X-PAC OPEN with a ring bell! E&C retain their titles!

Good tag match. Good good tag match. Me likey . I like how E&C are still in their “slow heel turn” phase so they can do the babyface shit in their matches while also resort to heel stuff (ring bell for example) without completely turning and still getting good crowd reactions.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

Dean Malenko Vs Scotty 2 Hotty – WWF Light Heavyweight Championship Match

THE ICEMAN VS THE WORM.

Ahhh heel Lawler, how I miss you. When you were good anyway. Gotta love him trying to defend Malenko’s use of the ropes to win the LHW title on SD.

 at JR revealing he attempted THE WORM.

Speaking of, Malenko countering the bulldog that would normally lead to THE WORM with a rather epic clothesline is  worthy.

Dean works the leg of Scotty, which is smart because it slows down Scotty and wears them down for the TEXAS CLOVERLEAF. Good GOD at the Mr Perfect bump when Malenko kicks Scotty’s leg out from under him while he’s at the ropes. Scotty damn near KILLS HIMSELF doing it.

Scotty sells the leg really well for the MOST part. He does have some iffy moments though lol.

He gets a couple of comebacks in, but he does stupid shit like CLIMB THE ROPES WITH A BAD LEG, which allows Malenko to counter with SUPERPLEXES.

Iffy selling moment: Scotty hits THE WORM. And he HOPS ON THE BAD LEG to do it as if nothing was wrong. Bah. At least Malenko keeps things good with a nice callback spot to the SD match by attempting to use the ropes again, and hitting a motherfucking SWEET double arm powerbomb.

Malenko can’t seem to put Scotty away so he resorts to climbing the ropes. Scotty sees it as his chance to REVENGE with a superplex of his own, but it’s countered into a TOP ROPE DDT and Malenko retains his title.

Great match. Not AS great as I used to think it was, but overall it holds up pretty well. Malenko is great. Scotty is mostly good. Shame about the whole WORM thing.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

ALL HAND ON DECK!

The Big Bossman & Bull Buchanan Vs The APA

APA . 4 big strong guys who like to fight. A SLOBBERKNOCKER~!

About 1 minute into the match and we’ve already seen Bradshaw smash Bull in the face with a big boot, DDT him, then hit a SUPER SHOULDER BLOCK off the ropes. I reckon this Bradshaw guy could make it all the way to the top one day.

 Bossman tries to be all cool and shit and lands on his feet after being thrown outside by Bradshaw. Then Farooq kicks in him the face.

Oh, anyone wanna take a guess as to who might be the ref in this TAG TEAM match? No, it’s not Earl Hebner. TEDDY “TAG TEAM MATCH” LONG! Bet his favourite event of all time was WM 2000. ALL DEM TAG TEAM MATCHES, PLAYA!

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL. Might be a top 5 finisher of all time for me. I love it. Match don’t end there though. Bossman and Farooq spend about half this match on the outside brawling with each other . Finish is pretty epic.

Awesome brawl between 4 big bastards who just beat the shit out of each other + showed some pretty tremendous athleticism for their sizes.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

Great little backstage promos with The Hardy Boys talking about working together then only fighting if it comes down to them. Then they switch to Crash and BOB with Bob saying he can’t wait to beat the hell out of Crash .

Crash Holly Vs Hardcore Holly Vs Tazz Vs Perry Saturn Vs Matt Hardy Vs Jeff Hardy – WWF Hardcore Championship Match

 multiman hardcore title match . They show clips of Crash winning the title back on SD during a Matt Vs Jeff hardcore title match. Matt Vs Jeff was a pretty damn awesome hardcore title match. Needs some love.

Match can only end if someone pins Crash or Crash pins someone. None of that losing the title without being pinned bullshit! 30 seconds in and we see a POWERBOMB already lol. A sign of things to come .

Crash tries to run away and everyone fights on the Backlash stage. CLIMBING HIGH AND JUMPING~!

I remember the first time I saw this, when Jeff does a big jump the commentators say he’s like a young Shawn Michaels. I didn’t quite hear what he said the first time other than “Shawn Michaels” and I rewound the tape (VHS bitches) to hear it again because I thought they mentioned HBK in a meaningful way . Was hoping they would explain his absence because I’d missed the last 2 years and had no idea where he (or Undertaker for that matter) was.

 poor Crash, he really, really takes a shit kicking in this one . Having to pin him only forces everyone to try and kill him the entire time, while killing each other to take them out long enough so they can secure the pin .

Match does slow down and get a little dull at one point which makes me sad . Needs more STEVE BLACKMAN. Maybe even Al Snow and a bowling ball.

 at Tazz. SON OF A BITCH! CHOKE! CHOKE! While he’s got some wire wrapped around the neck of Jeff .

DICK MURDOCH REFERENCE~! I’m sure I have to add a couple of points on the CAL SCALE for that .

Hardy’s bring out the fun in the shape of a LADDER~! The ladder gets a pop .

“HI PERRY, WHAT’S GOING ON? We’ve got Perry Saturn draped across our announce table  “. Oh man, the way Lawler says that is incredible .

Swanton off the ladder! Matt goes for the cover, Jeff breaks it up and they look to fight until TAZZ shows up. TAZZMISSION! STOP SIGN! Everyone gets taken out on the outside, and Crash gets the pin off the stop sign!

Mostly a fun match. Does have that dull spot in the middle though. JR constantly confusing Tazz and Saturn is  though.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

The Big Show Vs Kurt Angle

WHEN IT COMES CRASHING DOWN AND IT HURTS INSIDE~!

THE SHOWSTER!

THE HULK UP! THE LEG DROP! THE KICKOUT!

HOGAN CHANTS! “MORE PEOPLE ARE CHANTING HOGAN THAN THEY HAVE IN YEARS!”

IF THE LEGDROP DON’T WORK, THE CHOKESLAM WILL!

GOAT SQUASH MATCH!

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

The Dudley Boys Vs T & A

I LOVE this tag match. I LOVE the build up video too. TRISH IN LINGERIE ROLLING AROUND ON TABLES. I’VE GOT WOOD! FAP FAP FAP!

I’M GONNA GET YOU YA LITTLE BITCH!

Albert takes some great shots and bumps really well for his size early on as The Dudley Boys control the opening part of the match. Albert rules. T & A as a team ruled. TRISH ruled. Dudley Boys rules. This match has everything going for it .

“DUDLEY’S UNIQUE VERSION OF BIRTH CONTROL”  JR’s call for the headbutt to the groin spot.

Good god I think Albert killed D-Von. BICYCLE KICK RIGHT TO THE FUCKING FACE. And that brings us to the D-Von FIP. T & A are GREAT during all of this, really taking it to D-Von, using the time tested STF as well as you are likely to see. Oh, and Albert press slamming Test on D-Von then screaming to Bubba “TESTIFY TO THAT!” is awesome. Then he keeps taunting Bubba after the hot tag is made but the ref never sees it . ALBERT RULES.

D-Von is a great FIP too. Bumps around really, really well and you can’t help but wanna cheer him on because he is just getting MAULED by these 2 big bastards.

Oh hey, TRISH is at ringside. Not that you’d notice because she does NOTHING. She’s literally just there because Bubba wants to put her through a table. She’s a pretty shitty manager lol.

HOT TAG~! Back suplex neck breaker and everyone, including the commentators, think it’s a 3-D. Urgh. Morons. They go for the ACTUAL 3-D, but Trish gets on the apron, shakes his titties to distract Bubba, and Test cracks him in the face with a big boot for the win!

Awesome tag. Love it love it love it love it. A great example of the STF. And then afterwards we get TRISH through a table.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Eddie Guerrero Vs Essa Rios – WWF European Championship Match

Eddie is wrestling in a tux. LITA LITA LITA FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP is out there with Essa. Man-Chyna is there too.

Oh man, first exchange and we get BOTCHES GALORE. Essa nearly trips over Eddie, then Eddie… does something and doesn’t even connect but Essa sells it anyway and I’m wondering WTF is going on.

Huh, Eddie IS a heel here. Odd. He was kinda a little bit of a tweener during this time I guess then. Because his Latino Heat stuff was getting over and entertaining people, but he was still screaming shit like “screw you” to the fans during matches.

OMG HOW HOT DOES LITA LOOK?

 what a SPLAT Essa makes when he dives over the ropes and Eddie moves.

Crowd are pretty dead here, but who can blame them? They just wasted about 10 sodding minutes putting TRISH on a stretcher and putting her in the ambulance. Eddie and Essa botching and being sloppy as fuck ain’t helping. Wonder what Eddie would have been like had he come into WWF CLEAN instead of waiting until 2002.

LITA FAP FAP FAP gets thrown off the top rope right into the Spanish announce table! FUCK YOU MAN-CHYNA YOU BIG COCKED CUNT. JUST BECAUSE LITA IS HOT AND YOU ARE A MAN.

Asai(?) Moonsault from Essa and he and Eddie crash awkwardly into the announce table. Looked painful.

They make it up with Essa’s INSANE dive over the turnbucke to Eddie on the outside!

Fucking Man-Chyna. She practically destroys poor LITA because she tried to interfere in the match… then moments later interferes herself as if everything is fine. Cunt. She wishes she had one.

Aeroplane spin into a neckbreaker looked cool… but the finish? Eh. Fell flat.

Match is… decent. Sloppy and botchy in a LOT of places, but also has some good shit here and there too. LITA being at ringside helps . Shame Man-Chyna is the one to get stripped at the end instead of LITA.

Disappointing in a LOT of ways .

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

FUCK ME STEPHANIE HAS AMAZING LEGS. VINCE MCMAHON HAS THE PERSONALITY OF TONY SOPRANO. JR WATCHES THE SOPRANOS. PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES REFERENCE. GOAT PPV.

Chris Benoit Vs Chris Jericho – WWF Intercontinental Championship Match

These 2 fucking hate each other, and JR brings up their past and how they’ve wrestled around the world and shit which I think adds to matches like this. They made a collar and elbow tie up look VICIOUS at the start of the match. Then SLAPS TO THE FACE… and then they exchange pin counters. Which is just odd lol.

CHOP BATTLE~! But it looks and sounds brutal so it’s ok .

OH MY GOD. I literally said “Uuuuuuhhhwwwwww” (hard to exactly spell out the noise I made, so just go with it lol) out loud as Benoit does the suicide dive and Jericho moves… and Benoit doesn’t reach the barricade instead he nose dives HEAD FIRST into the floor. Surprised he didn’t need neck surgery then and there!

Speaking of sick looking bumps, Jericho gets thrown into the steps and leaps over them, so Benoit dropkicks them back at him. Instead of the usual “to the knee” bump… the top half of the steel steps goes right into the fucking RIBS of Jericho and fuck, looks like it hurt a TON. No idea if that was how it was supposed to happen lol.

So Jericho is HURT. And Benoit is Benoit. ATTACK THE RIBS . Benoit knows what to do . And he does it well .

I’D HAVE A HEART ATTACK IF HE GIVES UP ON AN ABDOMINAL STRETCH. Uhhh… careful there Jerry… methinks you might have a heart condition .

I like how Jericho gets ONE opening after some pretty brutal rib work and immediately tries for the win with a Lionsault. Unfortunately for him, it hurt his ribs so he couldn’t go for a cover straight away.

Back Superplex that Benoit counters with a cross body looks great. Makes one hell of an IMPACT on the mat too. DOUBLE POWERBOMB. Kinda hate that move. Jericho always seems to do it at dumb times… like when he’s had his arm worked over… or in this match after spending most of the match getting his ribs pummelled.

CROSSFACE~!

Love how Benoit fights while Jericho tries to lock in the Walls of Jericho. He fights for his life to avoid being fully turned over, and in doing so gets closer to the ropes so when it IS locked in he can easily reach the ropes and escape with little to no damage done.

REF BUMP~! IC TITLE TO THE FACE! THE COVER! 2 COUNT? BOOOOO!

FLYING HEADBUTT! JERICHO GETS THE IC TITLE UP! BENOIT GOES FACE FIRST! THE REF CALLS FOR THE BELL. THE COMMENTATORS ARE UTTERLY CLUELESS. LOL.

“WELL THAT DECISION SUCKS!” 

So this match is awesome. I’m a big fan of the finish too, even if it looked to have legitimately fuck Benoit’s face up . Also, it begins the 2 year long feud between Jericho and Tim White, ending in a HIAC match at JD 02! Tim retires and tries to commit suicide every week on TV afterwards!

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

Triple H Vs The Rock – Shane McMahon Special Guest Referee – WWF Championship Match

HHH has Vince and STEPHANIE FAP FAP in his corner… and Rock has AUSTIN 3:16! Except Austin hasn’t shown up yet. Vince’s sources claim he might have had some transportation difficulties. TONY SOPRANO~!

CARD SUBJECT TO CHANGE~!

The match that SHOULD have main evented WM. Then again I do love the finish to that match as opposed to the finish to this match… so I’m fine with this main eventing a “B” PPV. After all, Rock is just a B+ wrestler .

I lied. Rock is closer to a D- or something .

 “VINCE YOU MISSED THE RING, THAT WAS THE RING POST!!!”

 at HHH and Shane hugging before HHH goes for a pin attempt. Jericho can learn a thing or two about how to treat referees.

I do find it slightly odd that HHH has Rock in a sleeper hold and Shane is checking on him and shit… why doesn’t Shane just call for the bell and say Rock gave up? The whole purpose of Shane being the ref is to utterly SCREW The Rock out of the title. Fast counts for HHH, refusing to count for The Rock… so why stop there? The match could have been over already! Nitpicking I know. In fact I don’t really care lol, I’m just rambling . SHANE O’MAC!

I love how Vince keeps getting involved, but at the same time they have Shane doing something with HHH so he doesn’t see anything, still keeping up the idea that Shane is impartial even though we all know he isn’t.

DDT TO HHH! 1…2…3 MY GOD THE ROCK JUST WON THE WWF TI…HAHAHA FUCK NO. Shane refuses to count! Suck it, Rock.

DOUBLE ROCK BOTTOM THROUGH THE TABLE! Shane is dead.

MR BIG GRAPEFRUITS! 

PEDIGREE! But Shane is down. Better get a qualified referee out here. PAT PATTERSON AND GERALD BRISCO! Pat only gets a 2 though. Pat Patterson, the first ever IC champion. I should really review the tournament where he won the belt. I hear he had a ***** classic that night .

HHH, THE STOOGES and Vince McMahon lay into The Rock and this one is surely gonna end soon.

*GLASS SMASH*

STONE COLD! STONE COLD IS HERE! THE RATTLESNAKE IS BACK!

He takes out everyone with a chair except for The Rock. Linda comes down, shoves poor sweet STEPHANIE down, reinstates Earl Hebner who counts the 3 off a People’s Elbow and we have a NEW WWF Champion! Shitty outcome but an amazing finish overall. Pop for Austin is amazing. Out of this world.

Ok, so technically this isn’t the greatest of matches. Nor is it really that “great”. BUT, the atmosphere, the build up, the shenanigans, the Austin return and even the title change all combine to make one of the most pure FUN matches of all time, one that can easily be pointed to in order to define the Attitude Era. THIS is an example of why PRO WRESTLING is so great. I don’t even like The Rock (NEWSFLASH~!) but good god this entire thing is awesome.

Rating: ****1/2
CAL SCALE – 7

Overall CAL SCALE – 25

Insurrextion 2000

PREPARE YOURSELF FOR A MUTINY.

2 Cool Vs Perry Saturn & Dean Malenko

2 Cool should probably be my all time favourite tag team. Why? It’s 2 white guys who can’t dance for shit. THAT’S LIKE ME!!! 

Great tag work from Malenko and Saturn. They keep taunting GMS forcing him to run into the ring and distract the ref, allowing them to double team THE WORM. But there is some DISSENTION between them as of late because Saturn is the only Radical without a title. He ends up shoving Malenko at one point, right into a roll up!

DOUBLE WORM!!!  at Saturn selling it and falling into the camera man.

HIP HOP DROP! This one is over.

Decent tag, fun, nothing more tbh. Hot crowd which helps too. Malenko and Saturn go at it after the match lol.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

VINCE MCMAHON! He actually flew to England! Yey! He’s disappointed that The Rock is the new WWF Champion. Me too, Vince. Me too.

Bull Buchanan Vs Kane

Remember when Bossman and Buchanan took out Kane? I do, but I doubt many other people will .

Kane’s left hand is in a cast thingy still.

Paul Bearer; HE’S 6 FEET WIDE, FACE LIKE A WELL KEPT GRAVE 

Bull kinda lands on his feet from a back body drop which is cool to see from a guy of his size. Then he hits a DDT and Kane doesn’t quite go with it. He’s like half a second behind lol .

Buchanan should come back and join THE SHIELD. He’s already got the outfit. Can replace Reigns while Reigns turns face and rocks the mother fucking world.

One handed chokeslam while I was writing that last sentence and this is over. SALAD DODGER! Too short to be anything.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

HHH and STEPHANIE FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP backstage. Damn, Steph got them LEGS on display. They are wondering who Vince meant earlier when he said a McMahon family member would leave champion. Did he mean HHH… or did he mean SHANE?

Road Dogg Vs Bradshaw

Have I mentioned yet how much I love the DX theme from this time? I have? Well good, because it’s awesome. Yey TORI coming to the ring with Road Dogg. Don’t need X-Pac to see her .

JR: SHE BELONGS ON PAGE 3. I am in agreement Mr Ross.

COME ON, BARK JR! 

Road Dogg and Tori are MAD OVER.

 Bradshaw. Can you believe that the APA only have 3 tag matches on PPV in 2000? And 5 matches in total with them being in the hardcore match at WM and then this. WE MAY SEE A TORI SANDWICH WITH ACOLYTE BREAD! Ha, sex joke.

Farooq gets ejected from ring side .

Doesn’t help Road Dogg though, because Bradshaw is a killer anyway .

BRADSHAW DID A FLOAT OVER SUPLEX. Think about it. Then be shocked.

Oh man watching this match is hilarious thinking back to all the Road Dogg shoots where he talks about being terrified of the guy because he was so stiff in the ring .

HOLY SHIT ROAD DOGG WINS. CLEAN! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING WITH HIS FINISHER! This was fun. Bradshaw beats the fuck out of Road Dodd, and Road Dogg gets a couple of shots in here and there. APA stuff, singles or tag, is always entertainment.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Terri with her tits nearly popping out eating a banana. Wonder what they are trying to do here? That face ruins everything though.

The Kat Vs Terri – Arm Wrestling Contest

 no. Wait… I feel I need to watch this… but why?

Stalling… stalling… stalling… stalling… think I made a mistake here… more stalling… arm wrestling… spit in face, water bottle in face… Kat wins…

THE KAT’S TITS! THE KAT’S TITS! ALL NAKED AND OUT AND STUFF!!!

Except we don’t see them. Not on the DVD release anyway. It’s time like this I’m glad I have other versions of the show .

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

The Dudley Boys Vs Rikishi & The Big Show

SHOWKISHI~!

This is dull as fuck for the most part tbh… but one think I did take notice of was when the Dudley’s hit the headbutt to groin spot, and Lawler describes it as D-Von going head first into “the old Jack Swaggs” . IS SWAGGER NAMED AFTER BALLS? 

Edge & Christian show up and Bubba gets speared. Lawler: “THEY’RE DOING A RUN ON! IT’S A RUN ON!”  what a fucking moron.

2 Cool come down and everyone dances. Yawn at this match.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

Chris Benoit Vs Kurt Angle

6 days after Backlash, and poor Benoit still has a killer black eye that’s STILL swelled up.

 another Angle = Cody reference! “I’VE BEEN IN ENGLAND ALL WEEK LONG, AND I COULDN’T HELP BUT NOTCIE ONE THING. YOUR CHILDREN”  you sick fuck Angle. You too Cody. 

Crash Holly… randomly… comes down to ringside to do commentary. No idea.

Oh, he wants to fight an Englishman for the hardcore title. Wonder who it’ll be…

So Angle Vs Benoit on “PPV” in 2000 huh? They have 2 matches at Insurrextion, one this year and one next year. This one is often forgotten about because, well, so far the event in general is forgettable plus they weren’t feuding during this time.

Angle is as un-Olympic as he’s ever been here. EYE GOUGING~!

Mostly a brawl with Angle going after the eye, and honestly it’s quite fun.  at Angle using his free hand to shove the referee’s finger into Benoit’s eye to escape the crossface .

Nice little sequence leading into the Angle slam with Angle dodging a couple of bunches and countering into the Angle Slam. Match isn’t a classic or anywhere near, but for the time it got they really worked the eye injury and it was done pretty nicely. I like this.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

The British Bulldog Vs Crash Holly – WWF Hardcore Championship Match

Well seems we’ve found an Englishman to fight Crash lol.

Crash throws a bunch of weapons into the ring including a rubbish bin, but you can see it rolling outside on the other side of the ring. BUT you also see a camera man reach out to stop it. Then 2 seconds later you see that it’s no longer in the ring. THE FUCK DID THE GUY DO? 

 all the weapons look like cheap versions of the American stuff. The “trash can” is some plastic shit, the steel chair is also plastic I’m fairly certain . Even the sticks look really thin and cheap . Where the fuck did they show for this crap? B&Q . Looks like shit but costs a fortune, so they probably thought it must be good for that price. Morons.

Powerslam on some sticks and we got a new hardcore champion. Well this was wank.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

Edge & Christian earlier today signing autographs for £5. BARGAIN!

The Hardy Boys Vs Edge & Christian – WWF Tag Team Championship Match

 apparently E&C got facials after getting stinkfaced last week. I ain’t touching that one.

I’M NOT INTO MENS HAIR LIKE YOU ARE.

Not much to ramble on here, because I was actually just WATCHING THE MATCH. Gets a lot of time and is, well, really fucking good. End with E&C using the ring bell to lay out the Hardy Boys and get DQ’d as they were just about to lose the belts.

Dudley’s show up to gain revenge for what happened earlier.  cheap looking shitty table too. It can barely stand up . Edge through the table.

This match might save the show from being the worst of 2000. In fact, it HAS. Still 2nd atm but who knows what else is still to come .

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

Eddie Guerrero Vs Chris Jericho – WWF European Championship Match

 at the hype video for this. ITS FAR FROM OVER BETWEEN JERICHO AND EDDIE GUERRERO & CHYNA! Except Jericho moved straight into a feud with Benoit afterwards for the IC title (which he now has), and only gets his “revenge” match on a UK PPV . Well a TV match too but come on, a TV match? LOL

Eddie is heel. Randomly. Wasn’t he like, babyface going into Backlash?

 a COIN FLIP to decide which title is up for grabs .

Jericho dominates at the start so Eddie decides to fuck off. And then Chyna throws Eddie back to the ring. Uhhh what?

SPINNING HEEL KICK FROM JERICHO. And I’m fairly certain it was his BACK that actually connected with Eddie .

Chyna clotheslines Jericho on the outside. So she’s fine with helping Eddie CHEAT to win, but getting counted out to retain the title is a no no?

 at Lawler just throwing out random basic Spanish words in an attempt to prove to JR he can speak Spanish.

The crowd don’t give a SHIT about this. Just like in 97, except in 97 they were having incredible matches.

DDT TO JERICHO BY CHYNA. That’s how Eddie won the European title to begin with. Because apparently Chyna’s DDT is more devastating than anyone else’s.

OMG JERICHO KICKED HOW WHO COULD HAVE GUESSED HE WOULDN’T LOSE THE SAME WAY AS BEFORE I FOR ONE AM UTTERLY SHOCKED HOW DID HE MANAGE TO DO THAT THEY TOTALLY GOT ME I THOUGHT IT WAS OVER RIGHT THEN AND THERE OMG OMG I’M MARKING OUT BRO.

Title belt to the face and THAT ends the match.

Dead crowd certainly doesn’t help, but eh, it’s not like they were setting the world on fire.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

STEPHANIE FAP FAP FAP FAP looking super hot. HHH and Shane are there too. Not hot. They can’t decide which one is gonna be the WWF Champ.

The Rock Vs Triple H Vs Shane McMahon – WWF Championship Match

COME ON, GET HIM TRIPLE H. YEAH! Vince has such an awesome face while he says that.

Rock gets Lawler’s crown and puts it on Shane, then punches him in the face. So was that like, Rock taking a shot at the UK? Cunt. DON’T YOU PUNCH THE QUEEN!

 at Shane and HHH just having fun doing some shuffling and punching. And these are the HEELS? I don’t get it.

Then The Rock does it, but he ends up just stealing Dusty’s move and bionic elbow. GET YOUR OWN SHIT YOU HACK. Then again your own shit is the People’s Elbow, and how fucking shit is that? Makes THE WORM look credible.

HHH and Shane play nice for a while, until Shane breaks up a 3 count and then attacks HHH from behind! MOONSAULT! HHH moves, but Shane lands on his feet!!!  at HHH SHOUTING to Rock “DDT” and then Rock hits a DDT .

 at Shane going for a Pedigree, but he can’t do it because he isn’t strong enough.

REF BUMP~!

Rock gets LAID OUT… with the WOMEN’S TITLE BELT . Take that you prick. GERALD BRISCO!

LOW BLOW! PEDIGREE! SLOW COUNT FROM BRISCO FOR SOME REASON! 2 COUNT! BOOOOO!

 HHH decks Brisco. SECOND PEDIGREE! But no referee, so Vince steals the ref shirt… but EARL HEBNER SHOWS UP!!! Vince punches the ring post aiming for Earl!

EARL HEBNER IN EARL’S COURT! LET’S GO EARL! LET’S GO EARL!

 at the chase scene with Vince going after Earl. ROCK BOTTOM!

Shitty People’s Elbow to Shane and this one is done. Terrible, terrible finish, but god what a fun match. I mean super fun. MCMAHON SHANANIGANS are always amazing.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Overall CAL SCALE – 7.5