Category: Written Reviews

 

THE RAGIN’ CLIMAX! Wait… WHAT?

The intro video with Classy Freddie Blassie is pretty sweet. Guy has an awesome voice over voice. They should have taken samples or shit of his voice so they could use it for the rest of time.

Match 1 – Al Snow Vs Hardcore Holly Vs Billy Gunn – Hardcore title match! Wasn’t too long ago that Road Dogg was the hardcore champ, and Billy Gunn was seemingly in the IC title scene. WM comes around… and Billy Gunn is the hardcore champ, and Road Dogg isn’t just in the IC title scene, he is the IC champion! Fuck knows how or why things got switched around so drastically lol. But I always liked Road Dogg more so was cool to see him with a bigger title. So this match… just 3 guys hitting each other with weapons, basically. Not as chaotic or as fun as the likes of the Chicago Street Fight or Dumpster Match from the previous 2 WM shows, but still fun to watch. Clothesline… HELLO CHAIR! Lol, great commentary Cole! Snow goes through a table, then gets a Fameasser on a chair, but Holly hits Gunn with a chair then covers Snow to become the new Hardcore champion. Highlight of his career. *.

Match 2 – Owen Hart & Jeff Jarrett Vs D-Lo Brown & Test – Tag titles on the match, and D-Lo and Test won a battle royal earlier in the night to get the title shot. The last 2 guys in the match got to team together, even though they aren’t normally a team. They were fighting each other while 2 others in the match eliminated each other, so they didn’t know they won and just kept fighting until they got attacked from the tag champs. So they aren’t a normal team and they don’t exactly get along. If this were 2013 they’d win the tag belts. Hey, D-Lo may very well win a title in TNA now he’s been revealed as the VP of Aces & Eights LOL. Well this was a nothing match. Filled with nothing. Owen and Jeff retain when D-Lo is left alone as Test… goes outside to shout at women. DUD.

Match 3 – Butterbean Vs Bart Gunn – Boxing match. Yeah… Brawl for All tournament in 1998 happened. Winner was supposed to get some money, and then a title match with Austin as the reward. They wanted Dr Death to win, but Bart knocked him out and went on to win the whole thing. His reward? Not a title shot against Austin or any kind of push… but a boxing match against a professional boxer. Who knocks him THE FUCK OUT. Nice one. DUD.

Match 4 – The Big Show Vs Mankind – The winner of this gets to referee the WWF Title match between Austin and Rock in the main event. Show wants to win for the Corporation so they can ensure Rock retains the title. Mankind wants to win because he wants to be involved in the main event of WrestleMania. This one isn’t very long, but it’s a decent-ish fight. Show falling back with Mankind on his back looked painful as fuck and was really put over as a big spot, even though it’s a simple enough spot and nothing compared to what he’s done in the past lol. Then again watching the replay… I think Show did in fact land with ALL of his weight on poor Foley! Show uses a chair on Foley and… nothing happens. No DQ or anything. Chokeslam onto 2 chairs set up and… DQ. Cool spot except Foley barely touched either chair… and that’s the move that wins him the mach via DQ… not getting blasted in the back with a chair. Stupid. Show turns face and knocks out Vince after he slaps him for losing. *.

Match 5 – Road Dogg Vs Ken Shamrock Vs Val Venis Vs Goldust – Four Corners IC title match! Basically, 2 guys in the ring, 2 on the apron. They can be tagged in. Elimination style. Some good action in this one. Val is a great wrestler, somewhat underrated. Road Dogg isn’t the best wrestler but is so fucking over it doesn’t matter. Goldust is finally back ad Goldust and not the Artist formally known as Goldust and seems to be in better shape than the previous year too. And Shamrock is solid. All of them combined with some fun sequences and a hot crowd make for what I’m predicting will end up being one of the better matches on this show. Ryan Shamrock is at ringside too. She’s currently with Goldust. Did a film with Val. And they were originally gonna do an incest angle with Ken. Yeah. What is it with WWE and incest angles? Sick fucks. Shamrock and Val end up getting counted out when they brawl on the outside (Ken is pissed that Val fucked his sister… he was probably jealous LOL), so we are left with Goldust and Road Dogg. In the end, Ryan accidentally grabs Goldust’s foot, and Road Dogg… I wanna say rolls up Goldust… but it was the worst roll up ever. Worse than Rock’s rollup from… whatever match it was from. Yeah I liked this. Wasn’t great, but solid. **.

Match 6 – Triple H Vs Kane – Pete Rose dressed as a chicken attacks Kane LOL. REVENGE FOR LAST YEAR! Except he gets Tombstoned again. I sooo wish this was a tradition every year and not just 3 years lol. HHH takes the fight to Kane, and Kane takes a nice bump into the steel steps. Nice to see a HHH WM match where he isn’t controlling things and making me bored out of my mind. Kane might not be the greatest in ring performer ever but I like his work and he’s far more interesting on offence than HHH is at this time. KANE DIVES OVER THE ROPES! Chyna (the reason this match is taking place) shows up to help Kane (she turned heel). Steel steps are thrown into the ring, Kane tries to use them, but they end up leading to his downfall. For about 30 seconds. Best thing HHH does in this match is take a back body drop off the steel steps on the floor. Massive chokeslam to HHH, then Chyna brings in a chair claiming to want to hit HHH. Nah, she hits Kane. So Chyna left HHH to join the Corporation and Kane. And then at the end of this match… turns on Kane and joins HHH. DX get back together. Then later in the night both HHH and Chyna turn on DX and join the Corporation. Yeah, Russo was an awesome writer! Urgh. Match is solid. Whole storyline behind it is dumb as fuck though. No surprise of course. Russo was all about SWERVES and shit rather than logical angles. **.

Match 7 – Sable Vs Tori – NO.

Match 8 – Shane McMahon Vs X-Pac – European title is on the line. Shane is the champ! How did he win it? Chyna helped him. Which makes her face turn earlier stupid. And that face turn is then made stupid when she turns heel again with HHH at the end of this one. Urgh. There is a reason I hate WWF in 1999. This event is a great example. Shit matches for the most part and dumb swerves and angles. Anyway, the match. X-Pac is fucking pissed that some rich kid basically stole his title, and is now hiding behind a bunch of Corporate goons to try and keep the belt. Mean Street Posse are sat at ringside, Test is in his corner, and Patterson & Briscoe attacked X-Pac on the way to the ring. Shane is a cocky little prick and he’s awesome. Test does his job well on the outside, especially love the attack on X-Pac that sends him crotch first into the ringpost, then X-Pac just falls back to the mat almost like the ringpost gave him a powerbomb lol. Remember when there were like, 6 members of the Posse? Me either, but there were loads of them here lol. Only two survived, then they found someone else lol. Match is very, very well worked, allowing Shane to control the match in believable ways while showcasing his athleticism too. X-Pac is great at fighting the odds, constantly coming back against the young non wrestler and eliminating any outside threats allowing him to really go to school on Shane. In the end, X-Pac looks to have his title won… and then the shit with HHH and Chyna happens and Shane retains. Aside from the retarded booking of HHH and Chyna, this is a good match, especially for a non wrestler. **1/2.

Match 9 – The Undertaker Vs The Big Bossman – The Undertaker’s character had changed quite since the year before. He was now a demonic leader of The Ministry of Darkness stable, along with Paul Bearer who had joined forces once again with ‘Taker. We soon discovered that the Ministry’s plan wasn’t just about beating the hell out of everyone; it was about taking over the WWF! This naturally led to a feud between the Ministry and the Corporation, ran by the McMahons. Since Boss Man was the “enforcer” of the Corporation, he was sent to take care of The Undertaker at WrestleMania, in the first and only Hell in a Cell match to date at this event! There really isn’t much to say about this one. It’s a basic brawl which for some reason takes place inside the Hell in a Cell. The feud didn’t need this match to be a HIAC match, and it showed. It could have easily been a No DQ match, and they could have had the exact same match, just using the guard rail to throw each other into as opposed to the cell wall. The only real “brutality” in this match is when Boss Man handcuffs ‘Taker to the cell and hits him repeatedly with his night stick. Undertaker gets busted open a little bit (and we can clearly see when he cuts himself lol), and the handcuffs break when he falls down. They spend the next few minutes, which feels a hell of a lot longer, just slugging it out with each other until ‘Taker hits a Tombstone and wins. THANK GOD. After the match is over, Boss Man gets hung from the HIAC as it is raised up. That is the only memorable moment from this match lol. This is bad. Even as a huge Undertaker fan, I don’t get much enjoyment out of this. It goes on longer than it needs to, and is filled with virtually nothing that you would remember afterwards. Like I said, the most memorable moment happens AFTER the match. I’m also pretty sure that the fans were booing during the match, seemingly because it was still going on, as they were booing BOTH men :p. Without a doubt the worst Undertaker WrestleMania match ever. DUD.

JR returns to commentate the main event! Vince comes out too, says he’s the referee now since Mankind is in the hospital and Show was arrested for punching him. SHAWN MICHAELS!!! HBK!!! He informs Vince that only the Commissioner can name the referee for a WM main event. What a random rule LOL.

Match 10 – The Rock Vs Steve Austin – The first of their WM trilogy… and their worst WM match together haha. But is it actually bad? I never thought so, so I’m just expecting it to hold up nicely as a good match but nothing more. First like, 10 minutes of this are spent outside the ring with both of them just beating the shit out of each other. Was it even a No DQ/No Countout match? Had a look and yes, it was No DQ. Doesn’t say shit about no countout though lol. Ah well. AE brawls were pretty tiresome by this point, but at least the main event matches with it were able to do them that little bit better. Austin and Rock beat the shit out of each other, and I always have fun watching Rock get mauled! Then the moment they get back into the ring… Rock Bottom out of nowhere and we get the first kickout. Then Austin decks the ref with a chair. By accident of course lol. Austin sells the Rock Bottom pretty much for the time he was on the mat getting pinned. So a 2 count. Takes a steel chair to keep him down for a little bit. Shades of Austin in their WM 17 match with Rock beating Austin down with the chair. Obviously means nothing now, but is gonna be a nice callback spot at WM 17 should I remember lol. Austin continues to not sell shit when he is nearly beat with a sleeper, but after his arm goes down twice, he pretty much IMMEDIATELY gets back up and starts trading punches with Rock like nothing happened. I hate those sleeper spots as it is, but this might be the worst ever. There isn’t even any real struggle for him to stand up and escape the hold. He just stands up and throws punches. More finisher kick outs, another ref gets taken out, so McMahon shows up to help Rock. Then Foley shows up to take out McMahon and be the normal referee. More finishers, then a final Stunner to keep Rock down and Austin wins the WWF Title. Huh. I remember this being better. Finishing stretch is actually pretty bad tbh. **1/4.

 

THE AUSTIN ERA HAS BEGUN!

Match 1 – 15 Team Battle Royal – Fuck naming everyone lol. Can you imagine them doing this today? WM would be like a 3 match show as they’d have to put everyone together to make up 15 teams! LOD RETURN! WITH SUNNY! YEY SUNNY! SO this is a clusterfuck. And I think the first 2 teams to be eliminated are done so through interference from people not even in the match. 2 COOL form in this match! Though it’s some time before they are called that, or are babyfaces, or act like they would end up doing. But still! LMFAO Henry is in the match for a while even after D-Lo is eliminated. LOD win. This blew. DUD.

Match 2 – Taka Michinoku Vs Aguila – Essa Rios is Aguila, right? Ahh who cares, he doesn’t even get his own entrance LOL. Light Heavyweight Title match. Monstrously massively high moonsault from Aguila to the outside. Not to be outdone, Taka does a Crossbody just as high. Match is fun, nothing more. Fast paced spot filled match, something we didn’t see often in WWF at the time. It is what it is. **.

Match 3 – Triple H Vs Owen Hart – The prestigious European Title is on the line! Chyna has to be handcuffed to Slaughter (commissioner at the time) so she doesn’t get involved in the match. LMAO they do a face to face spot… hard to tell who has the bigger chin! Wonder how Owen felt wrestling against the people who helped screw his brother Bret the year before. Nice to see him bring some HATE~! to the match while still being able to look like a good wrestler who can be smooth as anyone. So like… when did HHH get… good? Because between his WM appearances so far and his RR matches up to this point that I watched a few months ago… the guy is just so fucking DULL on offence. LMAO HHH even attacks THE WRONG ANKLE of Owen’s at one point. Owen had an ankle injury or something and apparently just had the cast off today. Not sure if it was a real injury worked into the angle or just an angle. But either way it eventually becomes the focus of HHH… and I say eventually because he spends some time on offence not doing a damn thing with it at first lol. Well… not too much of a focus for HHH. Owen makes a big comeback not too long into it, and pretty much destroys HHH for a while and pretty much stops selling the ankle until he kicks HHH in the head and randomly decides to sell it again. And then HHH DOESN’T GO BACK TO THE ANKLE. Chyna throws some powder in Slaughter’s eyes so he can’t see her hit Owen with a low blow. Pedigree and this is over. Good, because it sucked. *1/2.

Match 4 – The Artist Formally Known As Goldust & Luna Vachon Vs Marc Mero & Sable – NO.

Match 5 – The Rock Vs Ken Shamrock – IC title on the line here. Rematch from the RR where Shamrock won, but Rock HEELED IT UP and got Shamrock DQ’d after the decision and kept his title. They brawl to begin with, with Shamrock trying to murder Rock for screwing him out of the title for so long. Rock gets back in control with the use of the steel steps, and even hits a People’s Elbow… and Shamrock kicks out of it and there isn’t any kind of caring because it doesn’t appear to be a finisher yet. Shamrock fights back, a chair gets involved, ref bump, chair to Shamrock… and he kicks out again. Ankle Lock! Rock taps out! New champ! Nation jump in and attack him but he takes them all out. MARK HENRY shows up and gets a belly to belly for his trouble. Shamrock goes back to the ankle lock… Faarooq comes out and…  turns back around! He ain’t helping no Rock. Awesome. Shamrock ends up having the title taken from him because he wouldn’t let go of the hold after the match and attacks a bunch of refs. Well this was… a match. *.

Match 6 – The New Age Outlaws Vs Terry Funk & Cactus Jack – DUMPSTER MATCH for the tag titles! This match reminds me of the Chicago Street Fight from WM 13, in that it’s pretty much exactly what you’d expect. It’s a DUMPSTER match involving CACTUS JACK AND TERRY FUNK. Some sick spots that all likely legitimately hurt, lots of weapons and just overall CRAZINESS. Terry and Cactus no doubt take the most vicious bumps, but props to Billy and Dogg for some of the stuff they take too. Amazing that Terry takes the bumps he does at 53 years old. And he’d probably take them again today if they asked him to lol. Funk using a forklift to drop the Outlaws into a dumpster for the win is just classic FUNK awesomeness. New tag champs! Though they would be stripped the next night on Raw because they didn’t use the right Dumpster. Then we’d get an awesomely violent cage match between them where the Outlaws join DX. This was tons of fun. **3/4.

Match 7 – The Undertaker Vs Kane – Damn, where do I even begin with this one? IMO, the feud between The Undertaker and Kane is the greatest of all time. I loved every minute of the epic build up to this one match, and that build up lasted ONE YEAR. Yep, an entire year of build up for just one match (similar to Hogan/Sting I guess, except this one delivered). Ok, I’ll try and summarise this one as best I can without writing too much :p. Hmm… now I think about it, I guess the whole thing really started in 1996, when Paul Bearer turned on The Undertaker. But I’ll start off from when the feud really kicked off, which was at WrestleMania 13, when The Undertaker won the WWF Title. Bearer had left The Undertaker the year before, but now he was the champion, Bearer wanted to manage him again. The Undertaker refused, until Paul Bearer blackmailed him, threatening to reveal a dark secret from The Undertaker’s past. Reluctantly, The Undertaker agreed to let Paul manage him once again. It wasn’t too long though, before The Undertaker had finally had enough of Paul, so Paul revealed the secret; The Undertaker was a murderer! He had burnt down his home as a child, killing his parents, and supposedly his younger brother Kane. However, Bearer revealed that Kane was alive, and he had been taking care of him all these years, and he would soon arrive in the WWF to take revenge! Paul Bearer would constantly show up to tell The Undertaker that Kane was coming, but it was a couple of months still before we eventually saw him. During the first ever HIAC match against Shawn Michaels, Kane made his debut, ripping off the cell door, and Tombstoning The Undertaker! Week after week, Kane would come out and attack The Undertaker, who refused to fight back because of a promise he made to his parents years ago. Then, in January 1998, it seemed that Kane and The Undertaker had worked out their problems, as Kane came out to help The Undertaker against DX, and agreed to join him at ringside for the casket match between ‘Taker and HBK at the Royal Rumble! It was at the Royal Rumble that we discovered the whole thing was a set up, as Kane and Paul Bearer locked The Undertaker in the casket, and set it on fire! However, when the casket was opened, The Undertaker was nowhere to be seen. A few weeks later, while Bearer and Kane were in the ring, the familiar sound of The Undertaker’s gong hit the area, and a casket appeared on the stage. Lighting stuck it, and out came The Undertaker! Apparently the fire did nothing to The Undertaker, and his absence was explained by him going to visit the graves of his parents, so he could apologise to them for doing what he promised he would never do… And so a match between the Brothers of Destruction was made for WrestleMania 14! A couple of awesome things happened before the match even started, first with Kane attacking Pete Rose, which got him a pretty decent pop despite Kane being a big time heel. The second was The Undertaker’s epic entrance. This was the first time he received a special entrance at WrestleMania, and to this day it is still one of his absolute best. Druids came out with torches (flame on a stick, not those battery operated things!), which made a tunnel of fire for The Undertaker to walk through. And then there was his costume, which has been referred to as a “Bat Man” style outfit, which made him look even more dangerous. The Undertaker starts things off with huge rights and lefts to the face of Kane, but Kane doesn’t seem to feel them. They go back and forth for a few minutes, just punching and kicking each other until Kane gains the advantage. Kane even gets the chance to Tombstone The Undertaker in the early going, but instead opts to slam him into the corner and pummel him some more. This match isn’t about winning or losing, it’s about two brothers wanting to beat the living shit out of each other for different reasons, which is why it makes perfect sense for them to not go for a cover or a finisher so early, and for them to brawl throughout this match. The Undertaker even starts to cover his face to avoid those massive punches from Kane, something The Undertaker had NEVER done up to this point. That one little thing shows just how much of a threat Kane was to The Undertaker at the time! Great athleticism from The Undertaker has he leaps onto Kane’s shoulders to beat his head in, but Kane just throws him off and continues his assault on his older brother. Bearer even distracts the referee allowing Kane to use the steel steps a couple of times. I wish this match had been No DQ tbh, because they could have done a lot with the stipulation. The Undertaker tries his best to make a comeback, but ends up walking right into a Chokeslam from Kane! Kane covers, but lifts up The Undertaker after a 2 count! Again, these guys are just showing that it isn’t about the victory, it’s about the destruction, and I fucking love it! One of the more memorable spots in the match comes when The Undertaker does his dive over the ropes, only for Kane to move, forcing The Undertaker to crash right through the announcer’s table! Now THAT was a great spot! I mentioned how I would have liked this to have been No DQ, but tbh they do an awesome job of getting in spots like that without the stipulation lol. The Undertaker is far from done though, but is still overwhelmed by his brother, who continues to beat the living shit out of him. They exchange plenty of punches, before The Undertaker manages to set Kane up for a Tombstone, only for Kane to reverse and land his own! Poor ‘Taker, that’s two years in a row that has happened to him! Just like last year, he manages to kick out, and this epic fight continues! The Dead Man catches his first break with a massive Chokeslam, which Kane gets right back up from, only to walk into a Tombstone from The Undertaker! He covers, but Kane kicks out! This would mark the first time ANYONE had ever kicked out of the Tombstone! Not only that but Kane gets right back up, only to receive ANOTHER Tombstone! Paul Bearer looks like he is about to have a heart attack, until Kane kicks out AGAIN! The Undertaker is on a roll now, but Kane refuses to stay down, until The Undertaker hits a THIRD Tombstone, which only just keeps Kane’s shoulders down for the 3. The Undertaker may have won the match, but Kane and Paul Bearer destroyed him after the match, just like he was destroyed during the match. This is not a technical classic whatsoever. But if anyone on this planet was expecting it to be, then they need to have their head examined. This was a personal and fierce rivalry, which called for a brawl, and that is exactly what we got. Both guys went into the match with the intention of destroying the other, and that is basically what we got, and it was awesome. Kane lost, but looked far stronger than The Undertaker. This is now The Undertaker’s best WrestleMania match! ****.

Match 8 – Shawn Michaels Vs Steve Austin – Mike Tyson is the special enforcer on the outside, and also a member of DX, despite the fact his favourite wrestler is Cold Stone Steve Austin LOL. So Shawn’s back is fucked at this point, and would retire from wrestling until 2002 (well, he had a match in 2000 in his own company that he ran for a little while down in Texas). Shawn frustrates Austin early on, jabbing him in the face… so Austin gets fucked off and chases Shawn down and just beats the fuck out of him lol. Painful to watch HBK take any kind of back bumps here, knowing the condition of his back at the time. Hell, even Austin wasn’t in too good health at the time, having only been back from his neck injury that happened at SummerSlam a couple of months now. HHH and Chyna cause some distractions, forcing the ref to eject them from ringside, but Austin goes after HHH for the hell of it and ends up causing another distraction unintentionally lol. LOL, fans chant “Holyfield” half way through the match. Commentators pretend they can’t make out what they are chanting. HBK works over the knee of Austin, nothing groundbreaking or particularly good in all honesty. Nice finish with the superkick and stunner counters leading to a Stunner that connects and wins Austin the match. Eh, this wasn’t that good. Better than it had any right to be given the condition of both men. That post-WM press conference is included on the DVD (was it on the Anthology one too?), and Tyson at least explains that him joining DX then helping Austin win the title was all planned from the beginning. Thank fuck he said that because I was always confused about it until now. LMFAO TYSON CALLS HIM COLD STONE AGAIN. BILL APTER! Hi Bill! **3/4.

 

The show is famous for one match, but how is the rest of the event? Time to find out if there is a reason nobody really talks about anything else that happens!

Match 1 – The Godwinns Vs The Headbangers Vs The New Blackjacks Vs Phil Lafon & Doug Fernas – 4 way tag match with… nothing on the line? #1 contendership? Nope. Ok then lol. Big brawl to start with, initiated by the Blackjacks (Barry Windham and Bradshaw). Bradshaw should grow back his moustache. Ummm… what? Both Headbangers end up getting tagged into the match. And they have to fight each other. What? I get the rules are that anyone can tag anyone… but surely logic would dictate that you can’t have both team members in the match at the same time… what they gonna do? One pins the other, eliminating both of them from the match? LMAO, you know how I said there was nothing in it for the winning team? Well according to JR, the winning teams gets a shot at the WWF champion… Owen & Bulldog if they retain later. LOL. Dammit, the two good teams in this match (Lafon & Furnas and the Blackjacks) get eliminated together when they battle on the floor and shove the referee around. Bah. Godwinns aren’t too bad though, big tough team and I recall a good Free For All match between them and the Blackjacks either the Final Four PPV prior to WM or Canadian Stampede a few months after. Either way it was a fun stiff contest. Headbangers are more high fly-y that I remember them. Moonsault attempt, splashes from the ropes, crossbodies etc. Headbangers win. Match overall was… watchable. Shame the two good teams went first. **.

Match 2 – The Sultan Vs Rocky Maivia – Rock’s first WM. Against Rikishi. LOL ok. HONKY TONK MAN!!! For… some reason he’s doing commentary. Guess maybe he’s scouting for the next big star (which ends up being… Rock-A-Billy or Road Dogg Jessie James LOL)? Iron Sheik and BOB BACKLUND are the managers or whatever of Rikishi Sultan. TONY ATLAS. In the crowd. Arnold Skaaland. Lou Albano. Plenty of legends watching this match! LMFAO at Lawler when talking about Rock’ speech at the Slammy Awards: “It was so boring even Christopher Reeves got up and walked out”. And that holds true to this day when it comes to all his promos! And this match, for that matter. Boring chants and everything. Rikishi just sits in a sleeper hold. Rock pretends to fall asleep. I actually fall asleep. Best part of this match is Rikishi’s awesome superkick. Guy was just fucking BORN to superkick people. Should have been his finisher. Rock hits the worst school boy I’ve ever seen for the win. Then gets destroyed after the match. LOL. Then Rocky Johnson shows up for the save. ROCK HAD TO BE SAVED BY AN OLD MAN. Who then gets attacked anyway. Ha. Shit match. DUD.

Match 3 – Hunter Hearst Helmsley Vs Goldust – Oh great. They sucked at the RR, so let’s give them to chance to suck at WM! Yey! Well this starts off good at least. Goldust just kinda squats in the ring, which confuses HHH, allowing Goldust to attack him while he’s off guard. Goldust pretty much beats the shit out of Hunter, and they do a spot where he gets tried up in the ropes, only facing the outside which I don’t think I’ve seen, and Goldust rears back and smashes the future Game with a massive right hand. Pretty fucking sweet transition spot for HHH to get in control too. Great bump by Goldust. And now HHH sucks the life out of the match with his dull as shit offence. Like their RR match, it feels like it lasts forever. HHH wins. Urgh. *.

Match 4 – Vader & Mankind Vs Owen Hart & The British Bulldog – Tag titles on the line! Uncle Paul managing Vader and Mankind. What a mach this looks to be on paper. Never hear anything about it so I’m worried it’s gonna be shit. Paul Bearer, what a manager. He died 2 days ago. RIP Bill Moody. Tag champs have been having problems since the RR when Owen “accidentally” eliminated Bulldog. Nearly cost them the titles at The Final Four PPV last month. They even had a match against each other in the finals of the European title tournament to crown the first champion (which is incredible and imo the greatest Raw match ever). Can they leave WM with the belts? Can they leave on the same page? Time to find out! Last year Vader teamed with Owen and Bulldog, this year he’s fighting them! No Cornette though. Oh man, Cornette in one corner and Bearer in the other? Then the talent inside the ring? If that had happened, and happened in the 80’s in JCP this probably would have been ***** lol. I’m rambling. LOL, Owen tags Bulldog into the match… while both men are in the ring. And the ref is fine with it apparently. Bulldog shows his power, suplexing Mankind then suplexing Vader! Bulldog and Vader had a pretty great match in WCW in the early 90’s, definitely worth seeing. Both teams in this match are heel, and have no problems bending the rules and breaking them as much as possible. URN TO THE HEAD. Paul Bearer’s reaction to it is AWESOME. Mankind and Vader are great controlling the match, essentially being the heels leaving Bulldog and Owen as the babyfaces… or at least as much as they can be. Mankind hits his signature elbow off the apron to the floor, but Vader holds Owen in the back breaker position while he does it! Wish Vader and Mankind were a team for longer, they could have been great, especially if they kept bringing up their history and always teasing them fighting each other, finally leading to some crazy match between the two. Vader Vs Mankind HIAC? Nah, first HIAC was only in October later in the year, wouldn’t want them to team well past that to have one in 98. Just a cage would be fine then. Man, poor Owen really takes a fucking beating from Vader at one point. Man, just realised, only 2 people in this match (out of the 5 including Bearer) are still alive today. That fucking sucks. Owen’s comeback is nice, big belly to belly to Mankind on the floor, then a devastating enziguri that takes Mankind down long enough for the tag to be made! Mandible Claw to Bulldog! Vader smashes into Owen, who in turn falls into Mankind and Bulldog who fall out to the floor, where Mankind keeps the hold applied and they both get… counted out. Damn, was hoping for an actual finish here, but ah well. One question: WHY DOES NOBODY TALK ABOUT THIS MATCH? Seriously, it’s really fucking good! ***1/2.

 Match 5 – Bret Hart Vs Steve Austin – It’s the infamous Submission match! Ken Shamrock, at the time known for being a big MMA star, is the guest ref. This feud is awesome btw. Whole build up in 96 with Austin drawing Bret out of retirement to face him at Survivor Series, to the changing of the guard almost with the fans slowly beginning to turn on Bret and cheering more and more for Austin because he was a bad ass who took shit from nobody. And of course this match is known for really being THE match where the fans finally make Austin a babyface and turn Bret heel. This match, and the feud leading into it really was the big game changer for the WWF at the time, and it helped their ratings sky rocket and overtake WCW who were on top of the wrestling world. Didn’t happen overnight of course, but this imo (not even sure if it’s opinion tbh) is the reason why things starting moving up for the WWF. These two men fucking HATE each other, and you feel like the moment they start wailing away at each other the moment the match begins. Austin takes an awesome bump into the ring post too, sounds tremendous. They battle into the crowd in something we would start seeing more and more often over the next year before it became a regular occurrence for 98 and 99 and ended up being meaningless and usually pretty shitty. This feels more like an Old School brawl than the AE “forced” brawls that we got for the most part. These two have reasons to hate each other beyond one of them holding a title and the other wanting it, plus some insults thrown in there. When they get back into the ring, Bret turns it into more of a wrestling match to suit him, and he begins to target the leg, to cause Austin pain and set up the Sharpshooter as submission is the only way to win this one of course. BUT there is still all that HATE here, so just kicking the leg and putting it in leg locks isn’t enough; time for a chair! Lol, Bret spills a can of coke or something onto the time keeper. Bret tries to “Pilmanize” Austin’s ankle, something of a revenge spot for what Austin did to Pillman, but Austin avoids it and uses the chair on Bret’s back, and now has a weak spot of his own to work over. Austin throws Bret outside right in front of his own family, just to really rub it in, so Bret makes him pay by smashing Austin’s head into the guard rail that Austin just sent him into when he flew out of the ring, and the BLOOD begins to pour! This whole feud between Bret and Austin is all about how Austin is a violent unforgiving no good SOB.. and the fans are starting to LIKE it, and Bret stands for everything good and pure and can’t believe that this is happening. So it’s interesting to see Bret slowly begin to get more violent the longer this match goes. Went from punches to the head to smashing it against the guard rail and making Austin bleed. Kicking the legs to smashing them with a steel chair. Bret is turning into the thing he is trying to fight… but the fans are seemingly still turning on him even though now he’s doing what they are cheering Austin for. Some of this stuff doesn’t mean that much to THIS match, but really helps fuel the rest of the feud and the whole US Vs Canada war that we end up getting. As far as this match goes, it still gives us a great story and some awesome action. SHARPSHOOTER! The infamous finish to this infamous match; blood pours down the face of Austin, Bret has the Sharpshooter locked in tight… and then Austin passes about before he even thinks of giving up! The match ends there, but the fans love and respect the sheer toughness of the Texas Rattlesnake! Sweet jebus this match is wonderful. It truly is. Without a doubt the best WM match up to this point, and unless I love a match or two even more than before when I get to them, only ONE match can stand up to this one. *****.

Match 6 – Faarooq, Savio vega & Crush Vs Ahmed Johnson & The Legion of Doom – Chicago Street Fight! Which… seems a little overkill after what we just saw lol. Young D-Lo in a tux! Ha, awesome. So this is… exactly as advertised: a fucking street fight. Looks and feels chaotic, just one giant brawl between the two teams. Perfect tbh. Was exactly what it should have been. Tons of fun. There is a fire extinguisher that they use a couple of times too… and fuck knows what’s in it but it seems to cover the place in dust and dirt almost, and gives this match a more gritty, real street fight kinda feeling. ***.

Match 7 – Sid Vs The Undertaker – For the first time at WrestleMania, The Undertaker finally got to main event the show and wrestle for the WWF Title! It had already been nearly 6 years since the Dead Man had held the belt, but could he overcome the massive “Psycho” Sid to remain undefeated at WrestleMania AND win the belt? No real story going into this match, which is REALLY weird considering it’s the MAIN EVENT to the biggest show of the year. The entire main event/WWF Title scene was all over the place for the first couple of months in 97, starting with Sid being the champion, losing to Shawn, who had to give it up because of a knee injury. Then Austin won the RR, but cheated to do so, and his title shot was at The Final Four PPV, which saw Austin, Bret, Undertaker and Vader battle for the vacant title. Bret won, but lost the next night to Sid. Vader disappeared from the WWF Title scene for a couple of months, Bret and Austin continued their feud, which left The Undertaker to be the most logical number 1 contender. And so we ended up with this match :p. The Undertaker was massively over still at this time, so it made sense for him to be in the main event. As for Sid, while he is far, FAR from the best wrestler ever, his size and look was perfect for the wrestling business, and he was one of the first real tweeners in WWF, as despite being a top heel, he would still get cheers (MSG cheered him over HBK at the 1996 Survivor Series). Plus, he was obviously a pretty good draw (he always claims he is, and it’s hard to prove otherwise) since they kept putting the belt on him, and had him main event WrestleMania. Before the match can officially start, Bret Hart comes out and starts to “shoot” on HBK (who was on commentary), The Undertaker, and Sid. Sid clubs his face with a huge right hand, and Powerbombs him! Sid then tells Bret to get his “whiney ass” out of the ring, which gets Sid a huge pop. Sid wastes too much time running his mouth at Bret, which allows The Undertaker to jump the champion and the match is underway! ‘Taker dominates early on, hitting a Stinger Splash to Sid in the corner, followed by a slam, and then Old School. Sid doesn’t go down from Old School, so The Undertaker comes at Sid with another Stinger Splash, only for the monster of a champion to catch the challenger with a bear hug! Nice work from Sid, he already felt the Stinger Splash, and knew The Undertaker was going for it again, so he was able to counter it into a power move that benefits him in his quest to Powerbomb The Undertaker! As The Undertaker tries to fight out of the bear hug, Sid lets go a couple of times and just smashed his first and forearm into the back of the Dead Man! Simple stuff, but really effective back work from Sid! Sid continues with the back work as they go to the outside, which includes a huge slam onto the announce table, followed by a slam into the ring post! Back in the ring, Sid locks in a camel clutch, which again concentrates on the back area of The Undertaker. Sid may not be a great wrestler in terms of having a large move set or being able to take certain moves, but the guys knows how to work the psychology side of a match really well. The Undertaker manages to get some rest when he throws Sid out of the ring and over the guard rail. The brawl on the outside for a moment, before returning to the ring where Sid regains control of this match. A big powerslam takes down Sid one more time, and The Undertaker locks in a nerve grip, which just seems to piss off the champion more than anything lol. We then get a repeat of one of my favourite spots, which actually happened a year earlier, where both Sid and The Undertaker boot each other in the face!  This is actually only the second time I have ever seen this match, so I had no idea that was going to happen, as I had forgotten pretty much the entire match :p. Sid has hardly taken any punishment in this match, and because of this, he is the first to his feet, and is able to continue his domination of The Undertaker. Sid even comes off the second rope numerous times, but does it once too often, allowing The Undertaker to counter, just as Sid did with the Stinger Splash at the start of this match! With Sid down, The Undertaker goes to the ropes, but unlike Sid he is successful! Tombstone attempt coming up, but Sid reverses it, and Tombstones The Undertaker! He covers, and surely has this match won, right? NO! The Undertaker’s finisher didn’t work on the Dead Man, so there is only the Powerbomb left. Bret Hart shows up now, and levels Sid with a chair! Payback for the Powerbomb earlier no doubt. Back in the ring, things look bad for Sid as he gets Chokeslammed to hell! Somehow he still manages to kick out though, and even avoids the leaping lariat of The Undertaker! Sid sets him up for the Powerbomb, but Bret shows up again to distract Sid, allowing The Undertaker to land the Tombstone and win the WWF Title! Wow, this isn’t nearly as bad as people say it is! Despite being 21 minutes, which by all rights it never should have been that long, this is actually pretty good. It didn’t feel like 21 minutes, and never really had any dull parts. Sid did lock in a few submission holds, but they all had a reason and a purpose, and added to the match IMO. Both guys came out looking strong, Sid especially, who kicked out of the Chokeslam, countered so much of The Undertaker’s offence, and dominated the majority of the match. He also only really lost thanks to Bret too. As for The Undertaker, beating Sid for the title was big enough, but he also kicked out of the Tombstone, and survived the match long beating he took from Sid. The only thing I didn’t really like about this match was Bret’s involvement. It took away from the finish IMO, and really it was all rather pointless in the end. Bret didn’t feud with either man after WrestleMania (it wasn’t until 4 or 5 months later at SumerSlam that Bret had a match with The Undertaker), and Sid left not long after this match. But anyway, despite that, I still really enjoyed this match, and thought it was way better than basically everyone else makes it out to be. **3/4.

 

Free for All pre-show included on the Tagged Classic DVD (no idea if it was on the Anthology one), and we actually get to see a match too. I think it was WM X where they SHOWED that a match was going on but showed some video packages over it instead haha. Match ain’t worth talking about though. Nacho Man Vs The Hukster is definitely a match worth watching though! I loved those skits lol.

Match 1 – Vader, Owen Hart & The British Bulldog Vs Yokozuna, Jake Roberts & Ahmed Johnson – If the good guys win, then Yoko gets 5 minutes alone with Cornette! Wish this was just Vader Vs Yoko tbh lol, they look great pummelling the shit out of each other at the start of this. Ahmed flies over the ropes! Shame he doesn’t stay out of the ring the entire time. Fun seeing Owen and Yoko go at it, since last year they won the tag titles together at this very event! Yoko was of course managed by Cornette for a couple of years, but once Vader showed up at the RR a couple of months back, he and Yoko got into it and Cornette ended up siding with Vader, so Yoko wants to get his hands on Cornette. Good tag team action, with each face taking turns at being the FIP for a little while, but Jake is the last to do so and he takes the most punishment since he’s the older of the 3, and doesn’t have the mass and power of the likes of Ahmed and Yoko that make it harder to keep them down. Wish Jake had managed to stay sober during this time, him during the AE would have been pretty awesome. His dark character would have fitted right in as a manager that could wrestle every now and then too. Hot tag to Yoko, who does awesome in that role just steamrolling over everyone. But in the end Jake tags back in, hits a DDT… and the ref is too distracted by everyone on the outside fighting. Cornette comes in to use the racket, then Vader hits a Vader Bomb in the corner to pin the Snake and win the match, saving Cornette! This was good! ***.

Match 2 – Rowdy Roddy Piper Vs Goldust – Crazy Hollywood Back Lot Brawl! Was originally supposed to be Razor Vs Goldust, but Razor wasn’t comfortable with the Goldust gimmick. Match starts with Piper and a baseball bat, with Goldust trying to run over Piper. Yeah, this is truly a crazy match! Awesomely crazy too. They really go to town on each other to make sure everything looks real and shit. So much so that Goldust ends up taking a shot to the head with the bat and Piper gets RUN OVER for real. And just think, this isn’t even the most brutal match involving fighting out back with cars in 1996 (Finlay Vs Regal in WCW)!!! They also originally wanted something involving OJ Simpson… but uhhh… well that would have just been in horrible taste… so instead they just re-enact a chase scene that really took place lol. The chase takes place in between other matches, before they both finally make it back to the arena, and eventually in the ring. They brawl a little, then Piper strips Goldust and reveals he wears a thong and bra lol, then Piper beats him. Crazy and unique match. But it’s great fun and really brutal and shit. I like it. **1/2.

Match 3 – Steve Austin Vs Savio Vega – Austin is still the Ring Master and has DiBiase as his manager. I always liked the Ring Master gimmick tbh. Was never that high on his Stone Cold character from 98 and 99. This version of Austin reminds me of a lighter version of the 01 Austin; he has a nice mix of wrestling and brawling, only he doesn’t have the crazy gimmick and the charisma isn’t shining through as much. This one starts off strong, Savio wants to beat the hell out of Austin, and Austin will beat the hell out of Savio to defend himself. Then it slows down as Austin begins to work over the arm, but I guess it doesn’t matter too much because they keep taking calls from Piper as he’s chasing Goldust anyway lol, so the attention isn’t fully on this one.  They even do a split screen to show video footage of the chase scene with Piper lol. Ref bump, shot with the Million Dollar Title belt, Million Dollar Dream applied. DiBiase keeps trying to wake up the ref, resorts to throwing water in his face. He finally wakes up, and Austin wins. Match is… fundamentally sound and shit… but not very engaging. Kinda dull to sit through. They have a much better match at an IYH PPV later on (STRAP MATCH). *.

Match 4 – Hunter Heart Helmsley Vs The Ultimate Warrior – The master of the burial gets BURIED in seconds on the biggest show of them all by a returning Ultimate Warrior… who sticks around for a few months before sodding off again lol. Warrior no sells the Pedigree completely. LOL. DUD.

Match 5 – The Undertaker Vs Diesel – Once again, The Undertaker faces a big guy at WrestleMania. This time, however, his opponent isn’t a foot taller than him, or at least 100lbs heavier than him. Instead, The Undertaker matches Diesel in height and weight (roughly). Also, Diesel is way beyond the likes of Gonzalez and Bundy when it comes to in ring work. He might not be a great wrestler, but up to this point Diesel actually has more “great” matches under his belt than The Undertaker! Of course, Diesel had the opportunity to wrestle with guys like Razor, Shawn, Bret and others, while The Undertaker was stuck wrestling talentless nobodies for the most part. So for the first time in The Undertaker’s WrestleMania career, BOTH men are evenly matched. Plus, 1996 was the beginning of The Undertaker really stepping up his game and becoming a tremendous wrestler (it helped that 1996 was the year where he started getting decent opponents too lol). The build for this match was based mainly around the WWF Title, to begin with. Diesel had been WWF Champion for nearly a full year, before losing to Bret Hart at the Survivor Series in 1995. At the next PPV a month later, The British Bulldog got a title shot. The following month, at the Royal Rumble, The Undertaker for a title shot. Diesel was obviously not pleased with this, as he felt he deserved a rematch against Bret. But he carried on, and entered the Royal Rumble. Diesel was the last man to be eliminated, as his own best friend Shawn Michaels superkicked him over the ropes! Diesel seemed angry at first, but high fived Shawn as he celebrated his win. Diesel remained in the ring, and only started to leave when The Undertaker was coming out for the WWF Title match. Diesel got in The Undertaker’s face, and a brawl started out. Referees broke it up, and the WWF Title match got underway. The Undertaker hit the Tombstone on Bret, but before the referee could count to 3, Diesel showed up and got The Undertaker disqualified! Diesel did get his rematch at the next PPV against Bret, inside a steel cage! Unfortunately, The Undertaker promised Diesel earlier in the night that he would not leave as champion. So what did The Undertaker do? He ripped his way up through the ring, and dragged Diesel down to hell! Bret retained, and The Undertaker gained a measure of revenge on Diesel. The feud was no longer about the title, it was now personal. Diesel officially turned heel, and became the bad ass he used to be at the beginning of his WWF career. The Undertaker played his usual mind games, including sending out a casket to the ring for Diesel. When he opened it, a life-like dummy of Diesel was inside! The Undertaker was giving Diesel a glimpse into the future… Before I get into the match, I just wanted to share a line of commentary from The King during this match that makes me laugh every time: “Paul Bearer would look ok if it wasn’t for his face” :p. One of the main things in their feud leading up to this match was the fact that Diesel claimed he was not afraid of The Undertaker. Diesel seems to want to prove this during their match, and he does a pretty good job of it IMO. He starts off by charging into the ring and going toe to toe with The Undertaker to start things off; showing that he isn’t intimidated and he will take the fight right to The Undertaker! More great storytelling from Diesel in this match, as he continues to show no fear, fighting the Dead Man head on, and dominating him! He isn’t trying to end this match quickly so he can get the hell out of there, no, he is slowly dissecting The Undertaker, and playing to the crowd why he is doing it. I love the sequence during the match where The Undertaker tries to make a comeback. He starts punching Diesel in the face, but Diesel also wants to land a right hand, and they end up punching each other at the same time! They stagger back, then charge forward and land Big Boots to the face at the same time too! This was the first match I ever saw that spot happen, and I still love seeing it to this day. The Undertaker begins to get desperate in the match, so he takes a risk by climbing to the top rope, and comes flying off with a huge clothesline! Diesel is resilient though, and quickly gets up and lands a Jackknife Powerbomb! Diesel isn’t finished yet though, and waits for The Undertaker to get back up, and lands ANOTHER Jackknife! Diesel again doesn’t want to finish things just yet, as he plays to the crowd once again, then goes to pummel the Dead Man. The Undertaker grabs him by the throat though, and tried to get back up, only to be sent back down to the mat by Diesel. Diesel’s cocky attitude and seeming desperation to prove he isn’t afraid of The Undertaker comes back to bite him in the arse, as he keeps giving The Undertaker time to rest, allowing the Dead Man to get up and drop Nash to the mat with a Chokeslam! A Tombstone follows, and The Undertaker picks up the win! Both men are favourites of mine, so I always liked this match more than the majority of people, based on that fact alone. However, over the years, and again on this watch, I love this match based on the action and storytelling. Diesel is an awesome heel, and really plays up the whole “not afraid of The Undertaker” story throughout the match. This is also one of the better “big man vs big man” matches around, and so far is The Undertaker’s greatest WrestleMania match! ***3/4

Match 6 – Bret Hart Vs Shawn Michaels – WWF Title on the line here in a 60 minute Iron Man match. I really, really really really really REALLY wanna skip this and just say NO, but it’s a WM main event and a WWF Title match so like I’ve said before, I kinda feel like I have to watch a big match like this. No matter how boring and long and dull and shit it is. So, let me sum up the first THIRTY MINUTES of this match. Bret uses a headlock… and Shawn works over the arm. That’s pretty much it. For half an hour. Shawn controls most of it with the arm work too. Ok, so it’s an hour match, and them taking it to the mat and slowing the pace down MAKES SENSE, but guess what? This isn’t a real sport. It’s entertainment. And unfortunately the first half of this match is DULL AS SHIT. Then once they get to the second part of the match (almost literally, it’s around the 29 minute mark where they do it)… they seems to decide “well, we can’t go all out for an hour… but we CAN for half an hour… so let’s do it”. And from here Bret COMPLETELY IGNORES THE ARM WORK which was the BULK of the FIRST HALF of this match, and they now both decide they can bring out the big guns. High flying moves, Piledrivers etc. Once they get to that half way point, the literally just render the first half of this match utterly pointless. It was there to fill time and NOTHING more. And honestly that pisses me off. If I’m going to watch a long match, I don’t want them to make half of it pointless. Yeah, I don’t expect them to go all out for the entire time, but guess what? There are way more interesting ways to keep the pace slow and “fill” time. Almost every other Iron Man match in WWE history has managed it. In fact, not almost… they ALL have. Even Cena/Orton kept the action going the entire time even if that wasn’t exactly a classic (was originally tied as the worst Iron Man match ever for me… but I’m already thinking it’s gonna end up ahead of this match once I’m through with it). The action for the next 20 minutes is ok, nothing amazing or anything, but watchable. Last 10 minutes slow down again, not just because they are selling the fatigue or shit, because damn, Bret goes back to the headlock and sits there for a bit. Shawn gets locked in the Sharpshooter and survives for 40 seconds or so, and then the time runs out. So Bret retains right? Nah, OVERTIME! Superkick. 123. Shawn wins the title. Boyhood dream comes true. Cool moment, but the 60+ minutes to get there were pretty bad. This is NOT a good match at all, and I absolutely do not like it. **.

 

Considered to be the worst WM ever… yet one that holds a special place for me as it was the first WM I ever saw and can still remember watching it back in the day.

Match 1 – Lex Luger & The British Bulldog Vs The Blu Brothers – Oh hey, Zeb Coulter. Kinda. Harris Brothers with hair. LOL. I ain’t watching this shite. NO.

Match 2 – Jeff Jarrett Vs Razor Ramon – IC title on the line, and a rematch from the RR where JJ won the belt by playing up on the fact Razor is a fighting champion and didn’t want to lose via countout despite a knee injury. Razor has awesome punches. Jarrett keeps trying to get some kind of offence in, but Razor keeps countering with punches to the face. Jarrett for some reason doesn’t like being punched in the face, so he tries to leave but 123-Kid threatens him. Road Dogg was pretty great as The Roadie. He takes a great bump when Razor slams him head first into the turnbuckle. Jarrett keeps trying to get counted out, but Kid keeps preventing him from doing so. I don’t get it, why doesn’t Jeff just let Kid take a shot at him? He’ll win via DQ and retain the title all at the same time. Jarrett wears down Razor, Razor makes some comebacks using his PUNCHES, Kid tries to help out and gets sent into the guardrail (serves him right tbh), and McMahon thinks every pin attempt is a 3 count. FIGURE FOUR! Can Razor survive? Yes he can! Only to have his knee clipped by The Roadie during a Razor’s Edge attempt. Razor wins via DQ, Jarrett retains the title. Good match, not as good as the RR but still good. And this event is gonna need all the good matches it can get… ***.

Match 3 – The Undertaker Vs King Kong Bundy – Yet another “monster” for The Undertaker to slay at WrestleMania. Bundy might not be anything special in the ring, but he was a huge step up from Giant Gonzalez, and the storyline going into the match was better too. A little background on this one is probably needed, so here goes. As we all know, The Undertaker made his debut as part of the Million Dollar Man’s Survivor Series team in 1990. DiBiase was responsible for bringing The Undertaker in, and that was a key point to this whole feud. As you may have noticed, there is a gap between WrestleMania 9 and WrestleMania 11 for these reviews. The reason being is that Yokozuna and a number of other wrestlers tried to take The Undertaker out at the 1994 Royal Rumble. They were successful at putting him on the shelf for a while, which is why he missed WrestleMania 10. Not long after WrestleMania 10, Ted DiBiase claimed that The Undertaker was back, and had realigned himself with the Million Dollar Man, and his Million Dollar Corporation. A “fake” Undertaker was revealed, so Paul Bearer felt the need to return and inform everyone that HIS Undertaker was the real one, and would soon return to prove it. At SummerSlam 1994, the real Undertaker did in fact return, and vanquished DiBiase’s fake Undertaker. DiBiase was obviously not pleased, and with the help of his Million Dollar Corporation, vowed to eliminate The Undertaker from the World Wrestling Federation. At the 1995 Royal Rumble, DiBiase had IRS face The Undertaker, but was unsuccessful, so King Kong Bundy took it upon himself to attack The Undertaker after the match, and thus a WrestleMania match between the two was made! Not only that, but DiBiase has also taken control of the Urn! Bundy tries to attack The Undertaker from behind with a running corner splash, but The Undertaker senses him coming, and uses his superior speed to move out of the way! The Undertaker hits “Old School”, and a number of clotheslines, but Bundy remains on his feet! One more clothesline from The Undertaker, and Bundy is DOWN! Bundy, however, is not an ordinary man. He is a veteran and a tough SOB too, which he shows by quickly getting back up and sending The Undertaker over the ropes! The Undertaker lands on his feet, and steals the Urn back from DiBiase! The Undertaker gets back in the ring and looks to be in control, until Kama, another member of the Million Dollar Corporation, comes to ringside and steals the Urn again! With the lack of the Urn at ringside, The Undertaker loses control of the match, and the monstrous Bundy takes pleasure in wearing down the Dead Man. Some big, yet basic blows take The Undertaker down, and a huge sleeper hold looks to be the end of the Phenom. The crowd get The Undertaker back into the match, but Bundy quickly regains control, or at least he thinks he does, by hitting a huge running avalanche (running corner splash)! The power of The Undertaker is still running strong though, even without the Urn, and The Undertaker just shrugs off the devastating move, and slams the 440 pounder to the mat! The leaping lariat puts the final nail in Bundy’s coffin, as The Undertaker clocks up another WrestleMania win! Ok, so there is nothing special whatsoever about this match. It’s all incredibly basic, and the finish is a little weak too. However, the storyline leading into the match (and continuing after the match) was pretty good, and I have a soft spot for the entire WrestleMania XI event too, so I do enjoy this match more than most people probably. Like the Gonzalez match, I always remembered this match being longer than it actually is. The only really slow part is when Bundy has the sleeper hold applied, and that doesn’t last long at all. It’s still not a good match, and probably his second worst WrestleMania match ever, but I can sit through it no problem. 1/2*

Match 4 – The Smoking Gunns Vs Owen Hart & Yokozuna – Tag belts are up for grabs, and Yoko is the mystery partner for Owen! Fuck me Yoko looks huge… more so than before. Solid tag match here, very enjoyable too. Yoko is a great bumper for such a huge guy. His fall through the ropes following a double dropkick was great. Good strategy from the Gunns trying to isolate Owen. They hit a reverse 3-D type move that fuck, really should have ended the match in 1995 lol. Stupid double team move from them too though, when they send Owen into the ropes, then just stop him, turn around and hit a double Russian leg sweep. Why ever bother sending him into the ropes lol? Then an awesome tag move where Bart holds Owen up and Billy hits a reverse Fameasser. That SHOULD have ended the match at least, but Yoko distracts the ref. I’M A KING. YOU ALL LOVE ME. Owen is awesome. Lol, Owen thinks the finish is taking place a little sooner than it is, and tries to pull the ropes down for Bart to go over, but he doesn’t because it isn’t time yet. 30 seconds later, Owen pulls the ropes down again and Bart goes over this time! BONZAI Drop! Owen tags in, looks like he’s gonna apply the Sharpshooter… then realises he doesn’t need to and gets the pin. New tag champs! I like this match quite a bit. I hear they had an even better match at an IYH PPV. I should check it out. **1/2.

Match 5 – Bob Backlund Vs Bret Hart – I Quit match and Roddy Piper is the guest ref for a Bret Hart WM match two years in a row! This one has classic written all over it. Shame it doesn’t live up to the potential. AT ALL. Boooo! Oh hey, it’s Damien Sandow… no wait, Mr Bob Backlund. Piper is annoying as hell shoving the microphone in everyone’s face every 2 seconds. Backlund seems to forget there is a microphone and never really says anything lol. Bret tries but the mic is never close enough for us to hear everything. GERMAN ANNOUNCE TEAM! Backlund keeps escaping the Sharpshooter. Backlund applies the Chicken Wing. Bret counters with his own. Backlund… kinda gives up. This sucked poo. DUD.

Match 6 – Diesel Vs Shawn Michaels – WWF Title is on the line. SID is HBK’s bodyguard. Total Shawn Show early on, with his bumping around and shit. He really wanted his friend’s spot and is willing to outshine him at WM to get it lol. Their chemistry from being such good friends and knowing each other inside and out when it comes to wrestling really shows here. Everything they do looks great, and any mistakes that happen (Shawn not going over the ropes following a running knee) are fixed in an instant with both guys knowing what they should do to cover up the botch. Shame HBK and HHH didn’t have this kind of chemistry lol. Though I think for Shawn, working with a bigger guy works a lot more than someone roughly his size. Diesel looks good too btw, not just Shawn. He goes for a big boot and Shawn moves, so his leg gets caught on the ropes they he gets sent to the outside and bumps nicely on the floor. Here Diesel goes ribs first into the ring post. HUGE “SID” chants too btw LOL. SID stalking Diesel on the floor is awesome. Fans actually WANT Sid to do something. LETS GO SHAWN chants as well. LOL. Why exactly did Diesel hold the title for so long when he was getting out-cheered by the heels all the time? Shawn here, SID in their IYH matches… I think Mabel was probably the only one getting more heat because he flat out sucked. Sleeper hold obviously slows things down, but it was smart of Shawn to do it after Diesel attempts a comeback but his ribs give out on him, so wearing him down and making it hard for him to breathe will surely help HBK win the title. Except it doesn’t of course. Comeback for Diesel, and Shawn shows his arse again at WM. The ref jumps off the apron (off camera lol) to stop Sid from getting involved, and twists his ankle! With the ref down, Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music, covers Diesel for more than 3… but by the time the ref gets in he’s recovered enough to kick out. So at the RR, Diesel retains his title in a no contest. Here at WM… Shawn gets the “phantom pin” on the champ. Not the best way for his reign to start. Good finishing stretch, both guys sell the fatigue from the match… and then Shawn takes the worst powerbomb ever and Diesel retains! Good match, better than I remembered it. I prefer this to their IYH match in 96 tbh. ***1/2.

Match 7 – Bam Bam Bigelow Vs Laurence Taylor – MONGO! No wonder WCW signed him, he was a big WM star! LT looks pretty good, which shows just how good Bam Bam is as he was the one that trained him (not Diesel as the WWF were saying on TV lol). Match is worked pretty much exactly the way it should have. LT uses basic moves like forearm smashes and big shoulder blocks, pretty much keeping him looking like an American Footballer. Bam Bam controls the match, since he’s the heel for one, and the wrestler so this is what you would expect. He keeps his offence simple too, with some submission holds so Taylor can basically rest. MOONSAULT! But to keep LT from kicking out immediately and making the move look like shit, Bam Bam rolls off him and holds his knee. LMFAO at them calling a side suplex a Jackknife. Gotta give it to LT for taking some of these moves too btw. Bigelow hits a nice looking enziguri which if done wrong could have knocked him out lol. Big comeback from Taylor, using big forearm shots and shoulder blocks, then a super shoulder block from the ropes and LT gets the win! LT beat Bam Bam! So yeah, this is actually pretty good. And yet only the second best celeb match at WM! Deserving of the main event spot over the WWF Title? Not in quality, but LT being involved made it a hell of a lot bigger to the outside world, so I’d say it was fine as the main event. **1/4.

 

WM from MSG! WWF Title is on the line TWICE… like last year, only this time they announced in advance that it would happen like that haha. Bret and Luger both got eliminated from the RR at the same time, so they both kinda won, and Jack Tunney in his infinite wisdom made them both the winner. So Luger will face Yoko first, and the winner will face Bret in the main event.

Match 1 – Bret Hart Vs Owen Hart – To make it fair to Yoko and Luger, Bret has to wrestle twice as well, and it’s against his own brother! Loved the build up to this, started at the Survivor Series, then going to the RR where they made up but Bret was a prick so Owen turned on him, and now they will see who the better man is. As a younger brother myself, I am in the corner of Owen. I AM NOT A NUGGET! Owen celebrating like he won the WWF title when he escapes a hold and shit is awesome. I’m guessing Owen did some amateur wrestling as a kid like Bret, right? How good was he? I know Bret did well at his level then moved to pro because he didn’t enjoy cutting weight and whatnot, but do they ever mention Owen’s skill? *wiki’s Owen Hart*Hmmmm seems he didn’t do any, or at least nothing note worthy in the amateur ranks. Seems he just learnt everything in the Dungeon. And he learnt really fucking well because he’s about a smooth as they come in the ring. Owen and Bret trade holds, as Owen does his best to try and out wrestle his older brother to prove he’s the best. Unfortunately it doesn’t quite work, so Owen resorts to cheating and brawling a little in order to gain the advantage, with the belief that beating his brother will prove he’s better rather than simply out wrestling him. Shades of the Dynamite Kid from Owen as he hits a TOMBSTONE (wonder what Vince thought to Owen using Undertaker’s finisher lol) and follows it up with a diving headbutt! Bret moves out of the way and begins to build some momentum, until Owen stops him and begins to work over the leg, hoping to HURT his brother now as well as beating him. Epic Piledriver from Bret. So, recently (when I wrote this review anyway lol), Cena and Punk had a match on Raw, and Punk used the Piledriver and Vince got pissed because it’s banned or something. Some typical bitchy internet fans were bitching (because they like to bitch like little bitches) at Punk for using such a dangerous move on the top guy (Cena) so close to WM. Uhhh… what? Ok, I get that WWE are trying to be careful and protect their guys a little more these days than usual… but a Piledriver? Who the fuck can you name that has been legitimately injured from a Piledriver? What? Austin you say? No. That wasn’t a basic Piledriver. That was a mix between a Tombstone and a Piledriver, a move that you don’t exactly see anyone doing. THAT is a dangerous Piledriver. The normal one? Unless you are a useless fuck, it’s safe as hell. Jerry Lawler has used it as a finisher for 30+ years. Everyone and their grandma used it in the 80’s. And yet I can’t think of anyone who got injured from it. Certainly not to the extent that their career was over or shortened or anything. Anyone that did get injured… can’t have gotten that injured because we never hear about it. So, get the fuck over it. Back to this match, yeah, it’s incredible. I’ve always found it hard to really write about this in a way to do it justice. Best for me just to tell everyone to watch it for themselves. Owen in the end picks up the huge win, and proves he is the better Hart! No longer held in such high regard by myself though, however it’s still in the upper echelon of matches at WM! ****3/4

Ummmm…. ok… the president of the Hair Club for Men gets introduced. And then introduces The Fink who now has hair. I don’t understand. Why was this even a thing?

Match 2 – Bam Bam Bigelow & Luna Vachon Vs Doink & Dink The Clowns – Yeah, no thanks. NO.

Match 3 – Randy Savage Vs Crush – Falls count anywhere. Savage loses in about a minute after being dropped onto the guard rail. But WAIT! Match isn’t over! He has 60 seconds to get back into the ring. Uhhh ok. He makes it. Then Savage pins Crush on the floor and Crush just makes it. So what happens if they pin each other in the ring? Are they allowed to pin each other in the ring? WHY IS THIS CALLED FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE? Well this was pretty shitty. Savage wins. DUD.

Oh look, how big and important are WWE? They have an imposter president! Nothing screams class like that!

Match 4 – Alundra Blayze Vs Leilani Kai – NO.

Burt Reynolds steals a girl from Shawn Michaels. Yeah that was pretty awesome.

Match 5 – Men on a Mission Vs The Mounties – The Mounties ALWAYS get their man. So… was this a subtle gay gimmick? Oh look, Raven is their manager! Actually thought he was better as Johnny Polo than he was as raven. Yeah, I’m not a fan of the Raven character. What of it? Huh? Huh? Nothing. I thought so. Why am I wasting time talking about that? Because this match involves The Mounties and Mo. Mabel is awesome though. Yeah, I like Mable. What of it? Huh? Huh? Ok, I’m wasting more time. But come on. I always like seeing big fat wrestlers beat on people, but I can’t sit through the rest of this crap without being distracted. Stuff happens, then Mable tags in and runs everyone over. Double suplex to Mable! Double team top rope move thingy! Kick out from Mable! Poor Mable looks absolutely knackered. As knackered as Rock when he cuts a promo. Big Splash to both Mounties, one in the ring and one on the floor. Men on a Mission win via countout? I’m honestly not sure what the fuck just happened. Oh the tag titles were on the line too or something. What? DUD.

Match 6 – Yokozuna Vs Lex Luger – Mr Perfect is the guest ref because… he and Luger wrestled at WM last year? WWF Title is on the line. Winner gets to defend later against Bret. I wanna skip this one, but being a WWF Title match at WM I feel I should at least sit through it. But I’m expecting it to be shit. Can’t help it lol. YES YES YES YOU CAN FEEL IT! LMAO McMahon reminds me of Piccolo when he merges with Nail on Namek. YES YES YES I CAN DO IT I CAN WIN! I have a sneaky suspicion that Luger will fail just the same. Mr Perfect has gone all out with his ref outfit. Not just a striped shirt, but striped trousers too! The American Way: Putting Arabian Oil in Japanese Cars. Well fuck, Jerry, there are nicer ways to tell the truth… Oh wow this is dreadfully dull. Punch punch punch punch punch punch attempted lift on Yoko punch punch punch punch NERVE GRIP FOR A BILLION YEARS punch punch punch punch NERVE GRIP FOR A BILLION YEARS punch punch punch punch NERVE GRIP FOR A BILLION YEARS oh god kill me now. Luger lands the big forearm shot, Yoko is out. Luger drags Cornette and Fuji in the ring and attacks them, then when he goes for a cover and Mr Perfect checks on them he gets pissed, shoves Perfect and gets DQ’d! LOLOLOL. Shite match. DUD.

Match 7 – Earthquake Vs Adam Bomb – 30 second squash match, Earthquake wins LOL. DUD.

Match 8 – Razor Ramon Vs Shawn Michaels – IC title on the line in a ladder match! LOL at Earl Hebner just shoving a camera man out of the way as he walks around the ring. Diesel attacks Razor… and gets ejected from ring side… in a NO DQ LADDER MATCH. Though this is from the same event that had a Falls Count Anywhere match where you could only seemingly pin your opponent outside the ring then they had a minute to get back in the ring and not lose. If that TNA cage match that ended in a DQ was on here it would be the most retarded event of all time! But at least Diesel being removed from ringside doesn’t affect this match in a negative way. Now we get HBK and Razor one on one to find out who the better man and the REAL IC champion is! Razor removes some of the padding on the outside, only to take a bump over the ropes onto the now exposed concrete. Looks and sounds really painful too lol. Ouch. Shawn’s bare ass. Of course. SPLASH FROM THE LADDER! Not as impressive these days, but it was back then, and still looks good today too, just doesn’t have the same kind of impact as it originally did. Shawn’s Flair bump into the corner… only with the ladder in the way still looks fucking great even by today’s standards. Where do WWE get these ladders, btw? Because I can’t imagine them being… real ladders. I know I don’t bash people in the face with my ladders, but fuck, if I did I doubt they would twist and buckle from it lol. These ones barely look like they can hold the weight of either guy. Not very safe! Speaking of not very safe, I don’t think it’s good for your health when you get SUPERKICKED IN THE FACE. Pretty awesome kick. LMAO, Shawn signals for a Razor’s Edge, the commentators are playing it up that Shawn is gonna use Razor’s own finisher on him… and then Shawn SWERVES us and hits a Piledriver! Shawn looks to be in control, climbs the ladder to win, but Razor shoulder barges the ladder and Shawn gets tied up in the ropes (oh noes he stoled teh finish of his ladder match with bret hart), and Razor becomes the undisputed IC champ! DID YOU KNOW? It was Shawn’s idea for Razor to climb the ladder again and pose with both belts. Great match no doubt, and as a very early “spot fest” it holds up really well still. I never thought of this as the greatest ladder match or a 5 star match or anything, but did consider it one of the better ladder matches. Not so much now, however it still is a terrific match, just speaks volumes of how great some other ladder matches have been. ****.

Big tag match was supposed to happen next… but got cancelled due to time constraints. The excuse was that the heels couldn’t decide who the captain was…

Match 9 – Yokozuna Vs Bret Hart – Second WWF Title match of the night. Yoko beat Luger in a horrifically bad match earlier. These 2 main evented WM last year and had a decent match. Piper is announced as the guest ref. Because  he faced Bret at WM a few years ago? I guess so. LOL, Burt Reynolds is a terrible ring announcer. Struggled to read the cards and shit. Punch punch punch punch punch dropkick punch punch punch punch missed splash punch punch punch punch… as long as we don’t get another nerve grip I’ll be happy. Bret headbutts Yoko, hurts himself, but Yoko has to sell it too because he’s not Samoan in his Yoko gimmick so his head isn’t the hardest thing in existence lol. Bret punches Yoko a few times, kick to the gut, then standing axe handle smash… and Cornette has to break up the count because Yoko can’t kick out. From that. Are you fucking serious? Piper punches Cornette for the lols. Mr Perfect went the extra mile with his ref outfit… Piper is just wearing his gimmick t-shirt and some jeans lol. Finishing stretch for this match is pretty good though, all things considering. Hart makes some good comebacks and gets some nice near falls, and Yoko really looks like he has everything won until Bret moves out of the way for a Bonzai drop and makes the cover. New champ! Now… where is Hogan to steal it from him? LOL. Match is… decentish. **.

 

First Tagged Classic WM with the countdown to WM! Not sure if they did one before or not though. I like these because it actually explains WHY people are having matches, something we didn’t get a lot of the time in previous WM events. Some clips of Yoko dominating jobbers… and I’m fairly certain one of them is Al Snow. I see he didn’t go much further in his career… LOL. Ahhh, we get to see Beefcake getting SMASHED IN THE FACE with a briefcase. I can’t stop smiling! IRS… the original MITB Briefcase holder!

Match 1 – Shawn Michaels Vs Tatanka – IC title on the line, and Tatanka has 2 pinfall wins over the Heart Break Kid going into this match! JR’s first WM! Luna Vachon seems to be following HBK to the ring. Honestly don’t remember how when what who why they were together or anything. Sensational Sherry follows Tatanka out to the ring too. She and Shawn obviously have a history, which you will remember from my RR 93 review (GO READ IT). Shawn trying to sneak a hair pull without the ref seeing it is a fun little spot. As is Shawn ping ponging about early on as Tatanka chops him around and shit. Then Tatanka targets the left shoulder that Shawn apparently dislocated in a 6 man tag (the second match where he got the win over HBK) and I start to yawn as he just sits there doing fuck all. LEARN TO WORK A HOLD DAMMIT. Match turns to HBK’s favour when… he catches Tatanka coming off the top rope with a super kick! Lol, if that happened today it would get a massive pop and would END pretty much any match. 1993? Transitional spot. LOL. Randy Savage: SHAWN MICHAELS KNOWS WHAT HE HAS TO DO, GO FOR THE PIN. Shawn Michaels: HEADLOCK. Me: LOL. Honestly, aside from a couple of spots and Shawn’s bumping, this is dull as shit. Tatanka wins via DQ, so his undefeated streak remains but Shawn keeps the title. Can’t believe this goes nearly 20 minutes. Cut it in half and it might have been good. **.

Match 2 – The Steiner Brothers Vs The Head Shrinkers – Fatu is Rikishi for those who don’t know. Also, the long haired Steiner is indeed Scott. He’s yet to juice up to the MAX, cut his hair, and become insane. He’s still good though! Oh man, THAT hotshot spot. Ends up turning into a Flapjack right over the ropes with Scott just dying on the floor. Fatu hits more awesome superkicks. I’m actually surprised that Scott is taking such a beating. Usually any Steiner match where one of them plays FIP we are lucky to see their opponents hit 3 moves without a suplex being hit on them lol. Damn, hot tag to Rick and fuck, even he gets derailed quickly, and in a great way too. He smashes their heads together, but being SAMOAN it doesn’t hurt then, so they come back with a double head butt to him. Oh shit, how the fuck did that not end this match? Headshrinkers go for a Doomsday Device, and Rick CATCHES HIM OFF THE ROPES AND HITS A POWERSLAM WHILE ON THE SHOULDERS OF THE OTHER GUY. I legitimately said FUCK when I saw it. That seriously may be the greatest counter I have ever seen. Match then ends with a Frankensteiner from Scott, but Samu takes it shittily. Aside from that, this was a really bossy tag match. ***1/2.

Match 3 – Crush Vs Doink – Heel Doink played by Matt Bourne is seriously one of the greatest characters I’ve seen. He’s just tremendous as the sadistic clown who can go from laughing nicely to having a face that would scare anyone. His music was creepy as fuck too. I love it. Wouldn’t mind looking up his Indy stuff where he turned the heel Doink character into more of a Heath Ledger Joker. Bet he pulled it off tremendously. Match isn’t anything worth talking about. At all. Until the finish and we get TWO DOINKS OMG HOW DID THEY DO THOSE SPECIAL EFFECTS ON LIVE PPV IN 1993?!?!? Doink wins. 1/2*.

Match 4 – Razor Ramon Vs Bob Backlund – BOB’s first WM! WWF Champion for nearly 6 years, only lost it in late ’83, and took him 10 years to get on a WM card? Well, didn’t help that he left the company shortly after losing the belt lol. Still, BOB. LMAO Bob no sells the tooth pick being throw in his face. Backlund sells punches awesomely. But he’s from that old school era where punches meant something and weren’t thrown 70 times in the first minute. LMFAO poor Bob, totally MISSES a dropkick, but thankfully Razor is smart enough to not sell it. Roll up. Razor wins. Short. Nothingness. DUD.

Match 5 – Money Incorporated Vs The Mega Maniacs – A large part of me wants to skip this completely… but I dunno, kinda feel like I should watch it. Plus Brutus is liking gonna be the guy to take the beating in the match so Hogan can get the hot tag and clean house and shit. And Brutus taking a beating for a while interests me far more than it should LOL. Brutus injured himself… in a wind surfing accident or something? I forget exactly, so he needed facial surgery. That’s where the attack with the briefcase comes in to have an excuse for a protective mask on TV. And the mask looks like Kane’s current mask lol, only yellow. Repeat of last year where Hogan’s music still plays while the heels get taken out and attacked and sent out of the ring lol. Money Inc get absolutely DESTROYED, and decide to fuck off. Then randomly the ref has the power to not only count them out, but say if they don’t get back by the count of 10 they lose the tag titles. Yeah ok. Since putting a title on Hogan would be a dumb, retarded, stupid fucked up idea (…), they come back to the ring and the match continues. Well bugger me, HOGAN is the one doing the FIP. Guess since Beefcake has the bigger BEEF with Money Inc he has to be the one to get the hot tag and fuck shit up. And his face is injured. Hogan has a black eye too though, rumour has it that Bret punched him, but I don’t think that is true tbh. Bret wouldn’t have the balls. Hot tag to BEEEEEEFCAKE and… he takes a turn at being the FIP, and they even rip off his mask. Urgh. Why is this match lasting longer. I should have skipped it. They tease Hogan and Beefcake winning when Jimmy Hart puts on a ref shirt and counts the 3, but of course it isn’t official in any way. Money Inc win as a result of a DQ. I uhhh… don’t really know why because I wasn’t paying much attention. DUD.

Match 6 – Mr Perfect Vs Lex Luger – Luger is the Narsarsarsarsasis or something. LMFAO even MR PERFECT fucks up the name in a promo prior to the match. Perfect is here to make Luger look NOT PERFECT, and he does a good job using his wrestling skills to show up the Narsarsasisasisias, then goes after the leg to ground him and eliminate the power factor. And Luger… Luger looks fucking great. He bounces around nicely for Perfect, and sells his leg well while Perfect goes after it and continues to sell when he makes a comeback too, and waits a good amount of time before he stops. Luger gets worse as time goes on though, as he really starts to get slow and sluggish towards the end of the match. Maybe he was blown up, not sure, but he managed to keep going and shit so at least he was still trying lol. Structure of the match was really weird, especially given the build for Lex. Perfect controls WAY too much of the match, then even has to get pinned with his legs on the ropes but the ref didn’t see them to break up the count. He gets knocked out afterwards, but still, was way more of a Mr Perfect show than a Lex show that it probably should have been. Still, this was a solid match. **.

Match 7 – The Undertaker Vs The Giant Gonzalez – The Undertaker was now one of the biggest faces in the company, but instead of being in the WWF Title scene, was being fed to misfit monsters, with one of the absolute worst ever being Giant Gonzalez. Gonzalez made his debut at the 1993 Royal Rumble, not as a participant in the match, but simply to destroy The Undertaker and take him out of the match. The Undertaker was near 7 foot tall, but Gonzalez was said to be nearly 8 foot tall! This lead to many beat downs for The Undertaker, as for the first time in his career, he was the underdog. The match starts with a stare down (or stare “up” for The Undertaker lol), before Gonzalez nails The Undertaker with a clubbing blow, only for The Undertaker to be unaffected! Gonzalez keeps trying to hit The Undertaker, but the Dead Man uses all the built up frustration to take the fight right to the giant. Eventually the size difference comes into play, and Gonzalez has The Undertaker right where he wants him… which unfortunately for us is a boring rest hold :p. The crowd still seem to be into the match though, thanks to the popularity of The Undertaker during this time. They continue to cheer him on as he takes a beating from Gonzalez, including some spots with the steel steps on the outside. The Undertaker finally makes a comeback, and the crowd roars when he finally takes the giant down to his knees! Wippleman, Gonzalez’s manager, gets on the apron and throws a towel to Gonzalez! The Undertaker grabs Harvey, while Gonzalez knocks out Paul Bearer so he can’t interfere while he shoves the towel (covered in ether or something like that) into The Undertaker’s face! The referee calls for the bell, and The Undertaker goes 3-0 at WrestleMania thanks to a DQ (the first and only non Submission/Pinfall victory for The Undertaker at WrestleMania!). Gonzalez then proceeds to take out the referee, while The Undertaker is taken out on a stretcher. Gonzalez celebrates in the ring, until a gong goes off, and The Undertaker returns to the ring! He finally takes down the giant for the first time in his WWF career, and sends him to the outside! Nice way to finish the match IMO. The Undertaker still won, but Gonzalez got put over BIG TIME by manhandling The Undertaker and sending him away on a stretcher, while the fans left happy when ‘Taker returned and sent Gonzalez down and out of the ring. I don’t know if it’s because I am biased towards The Undertaker or not, but this didn’t seem as bad as I remembered it. It was shorter than I remembered it too, which helps lol. It’s still up there as one of The Undertaker’s WORST WrestleMania matches, but I don’t think it’s a DUD. It was a change of pace at this point in time to see The Undertaker as the underdog (which unfortunately got overdone for most of his career following this lol), having to fight the bigger/stronger opponent. Keeping it relatively short was key, as Gonzalez couldn’t work a long match (and I don’t mean he couldn’t last long without getting too tired or anything, I don’t know that. I mean that if he went too long it would make an already bad match even worse :p ). The ending wasn’t great, mainly because it led to a rematch, but the aftermath was decent enough. 3/4*.

LMFAO Todd is interviewing fans and shit, and he basically mocks some kid for having big ears, asks him where he’s from, the kid doesn’t reply so he literally PUSHES HIM OUT OF THE WAY to talk to two guys in togas.

Match 8 – Bret Hart Vs Yokozuna – WWF Title is on the line. Don’t believe I’ve ever watched this. Not many people can have a good match with Yoku, but Bret is one of those guys I’d believe could do so. Phew, not much time left on the show, so this would be dragged out too much haha. Bret trying to go behind Yoko for a waist lock only for Yoko to twist around and send him flying was awesome. Man, this is off to a flyer and Bret looks to be hitting harder than usual and Yoko isn’t exactly wrestling light, excuse the pun. Everything looks really snug and good. This might turn out to be alright lol. Gets a little boring with Yoko just going for a nerve grip (what is it with big fatty wrestlers and that fucking nerve grip???), but Bret makes some nice comebacks to stop me from falling asleep and shit. Great set up into the sharpshooter; Bret is on the ropes and Yoko is trying to pull him off, so he holds onto the turnbuckle pad and it ends up getting ripped off. Bret manages to smash Yoko’s face into it, and while he’s down on his stomach, Bret locks in the submission hold! But Fuji throws salt into his eyes and Yoko capitalises on it and wins the title! This was good. Not great or anything, but for 10 minutes and a bunch of nerve grips its good. **1/2.

Match 9 – Yokozuna Vs Hulk Hogan – Well, can’t have a heel leave with the title at WM can we? Bret could have retained…  but nah, HOGAN SHOULD WIN IT! Mr Fuji challenges Hogan, Bret says go for it, and in about 20 seconds Hogan beats the unstoppable monster and wins the title. Talk about a load of utter bullshit. DUD.

 

WM 7 was… a great event. Some good matches, then plenty of fun matches that suffered from a lack of time due to 14 matches on the card. This year they’ve cut it down to 9 matches! Some great matches on paper, and more time given to them no doubt. Should be good!

Match 1 – El Matador Vs Shawn Michaels – The first singles match at WM for the self proclaimed “Mr WrestleMania” (huh, I say that like I don’t think it myself… how odd right?)! El Matador is of course Tito Santana. I have no idea why they changed his name or anything. Maybe to try and freshen him up since he’s been around for some time now. Fuck knows. Referee has a killer bowl cut. And by killer I mean he probably killed whoever gave it to him. So the match early on revolves around a headlock (a HBK match at WM starting with a headlock period? Now where have I seen that…). LMFAO Shawn keeps rolling Tito over into a pin attempt while he’s in the headlock, and at one point the REFEREE actually shoved him back over out of the pin and back into the headlock! HBK finally escapes the headlock, mounts a little offence on Santana and then… reverse chin lock! LOL. Tito escapes only to walk right into REVERSE CRECENT KICK. Not as catchy as Sweet Chin Music haha. SIDE SUPLEX ATTEMPT! Damn, poor HBK couldn’t get his finisher. LMAO. Times were certainly different. Superkick isn’t the finish, but oh shit, watch out for that Side Suplex! Finish was pretty shitty lol. Rest was good though. Nice start to HBK’s singles WM career. **1/2.

Match 2 – The Undertaker Vs Jake Roberts – A lot had changed since the last WrestleMania. The Undertaker was now a babyface, and also a former WWF Champion! The Undertaker and Jake had a short alliance, with The Undertaker helping Jake in his feud with The Ultimate Warrior. Eventually though, The Undertaker turned on Jake, helping out Randy Savage and Elizabeth when Jake was about to attack them. The pre-match promo by Jake was great, as he talked about his recent actions on the Funeral Parlour (The Undertaker & Paul Bearer’s “talk show” segment). Jake trapped The Undertaker’s hands in a coffin, and proceeded to DDT Paul Bearer, then hit The Undertaker in the back with a steel chair, not once but twice! However, The Undertaker did not go down, which would have any normal man worried. Jake, however, was not normal. He claimed that once he lands the DDT, not even The Undertaker can survive! A very different start to this WrestleMania match for The Undertaker. He begins by stalking his opponent, missing numerous attempts at grabbing Jake, and taking a lot of punches. All of which had no effect. Jake sends The Undertaker over the ropes, but he lands on his feet, drags Jake out and throws him into the ring post! Roberts is persistent though, and continues to dodge The Undertaker’s attacks and keeps throwing quick jabs at him. Throughout all of this, The Undertaker seemingly has just one direction; forward. No matter what Roberts does to him, he keeps moving forward, moving towards Jake, until he finally gets his hands on him (or rather hand on his neck ). The pop The Undertaker got last year as a heel when he landed his leaping lariat is nothing compared to the one he gets now as a face. A Tombstone looks to be next for Roberts, but he reverses it into a DDT! The Undertaker is OUT! Roberts takes his time, looking very pleased with himself, but The Undertaker SITS UP! Jake doesn’t waste any time, as he lands a second DDT! With The Undertaker down a second time, Jake thinks he is out for good, and goes after Paul Bearer! AGAIN The Undertaker sits up, and goes to the outside to save his manager. TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER ON THE FLOOR! By today’s standards, that’s pretty brutal, but for 1991, it was EPIC. And a little fun fact, the Tombstone was supposed to take place inside the ring, but Jake changed the finish as to make him seem “stronger” on his way out, as he wouldn’t be beaten with a finisher in the middle of the ring. The Undertaker drags a lifeless Jake back into the ring, and The Streak continues! Not exactly a technical classic, but the way both guys play to their characters is great. The Undertaker wants his hands on Jake for what he did to him and Paul at the Funeral Parlour, and Jake knows he needs to avoid The Undertaker and wear him down as much as possible so he can land the DDT. Speaking of the DDT… it might be a basic move these days, but back then, it was death. When Jake hit the DDT, a match was OVER. So for The Undertaker to sit up from not one, but TWO DDT’s, that was impressive as hell, and showed the world that The Undertaker was someone to watch. Certainly not one of his best WrestleMania matches, but probably a personal favourite of mine, since I love both guys, and felt they did an awesome job too. **.

Match 3 – Bret Hart Vs Rowdy Roddy Piper – IC title time! Piper won the belt from the Mountie at the RR after The Mountie cheated to win it from Bret while Bret had the flu or some shit. Piper’s first title in the WWF! Both are friends and babyfaces, but the title means everything to both men. Piper is known as the brawler, Bret the wrestler, so it was a surprise to see Piper WRESTLING in the early going rather than throwing potatoes! Piper proves that he isn’t just a brawler, and at the time same likely throwing Bret off his game as he wouldn’t have expected this out of the Hot Rod. But of course Bret is still the better “wrestler” at keeps managing to reverse Piper, and they do a real nice sequence where Bret has control of the arm and Piper is trying everything to right out of it but Bret just won’t let go. Things get aggressive and both men end up on the floor. Piper holds the ropes open for Bret, who is not very trusting of his “friend”, but goes through anyway. Piper seems to have cooled down and them BAM. Sucker punch. Piper is gonna do anything to keep this title, and I love it. Bret goes head first into the steel steps and blades, but does it in a way that he convinces even a doctor backstage that it was done the “hard way” as WWF had a no blood policy at the time and people blading would get a fine. PIPER UNLOADS ALL OVER BRET’S FACE. Do the commentators NOT hear themselves sometimes? People unload all over other people ALL THE TIME in wrestling lol. Seriously, I don’t think there is a single show in existence (WWF/E anyway), where someone isn’t unloading on someone else LOL. Big double clothesline and both men are down, but this gives Bret some time to recover and mount a comeback. Piper is great at countering the Sharpshooter and then the elbow from the ropes, as he shows that he knows Bret extremely well (pre-match promo was Piper talking about his history with Bret and the Hart family). Even with blood pouring down his face, Bret just isn’t staying down. The ref gets taken out, and Piper decides to go back to his old heelish ways to win, and brings in the ring bell. The fans are begging him not to use it, so Piper throws it away and goes to his trusty sleeper hold to win this one legit! Bret counters with a rollup, the ref counts the 3 and Bret regains the IC title! Great match. Piper struggling with his “dark side” so to speak was done really well. Liked this more than my previous watch. Not by too much, but enough to bump my rating a little at least. ***3/4.

LEX LUGER! The fuck is he doing here? He didn’t debut until the 1993 RR nearly a year later! He’s here for that Body Building promotion that Vince started up LMAO. He was going to be a guest poser or something at one of the events, but got in a car crash and when he recovered, the promotion was out of business. Ah well. I’m sure the XFL will do better…

Match 4 – The Big Bossman, Sgt Slaughter, Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Virgil Vs The Nasty Boys, The Mountie & Repo Man – Ray Combs (some TV show host back in the day… Family Fortunes or something, might be a different name in America?) is the guest ring announcer. He’s making a bunch of jokes at the expense of the heels, and gets jumped but he escapes just in time. He was pretty funny tbh. Some nice spots to begin the match, making use of having 4 guys on the teams. Hoping this doesn’t go long tbh. One too many HOOOOOOS for that man right there. Commentary continues to be awesome lol. Bossman completely misses a punch on Saggs from the apron, but Saggs is NASTY enough to sell it anyway lol. Poor Slaughter, main evented last year as Champion, now he’s in an 8 man tag. Repo man gets punched in the balls. Highlight of the night no doubt. Virgil gets all cocky and does some feet shuffling like he’s some real boxer, and gets clotheslined from behind by The Mountie. SERVES him right, don’t you think? Bossman literally just strolls into the ring at one point to catch The Mountie coming off the ropes before he can land on Virgil. Seriously, he just fucking strolls in, stands in front of Mountie, catches him and slams him down. Then we go to a finish and Virgil gets the win for his team. This was fun. Not too long or anything, I liked it. **.

Match 5 – Ric Flair Vs Randy Savage – Main event time for the WWF Title… oh wait, middle of the card. Never mind, should be good regardless! Didn’t Savage retire last year? I’d best knock some STARS off the Warrior/Savage match since he didn’t live up to his word (inside joke that about 10 people will get… and MAYBE 2 of them will read any of this lol). So Savage is out for REVENGE on Flair for talking shit about Liz and some other shizzle. But the title is on the line too, so what will he decide on in the end? Beating UP Flair, or simply BEATING Flair for the belt? I say, why not both? And I think Savage will agree with me! Heenan on commentary any time Flair is in the ring is just awesome. So Savage is HOT and wants to kill Flair, and as we all know, being blinded by hate can cause you to make mistakes, and Flair takes full advantage and goes to town on the Macho Man WOOOOOOOOO! Some awkward spots here than there, mainly the bit where Flair comes off the ropes and Savage catches him with a clothesline. Looked like Flair was expecting a shot to the stomach so he could do the old flip over when he lands spot. Instead he crashes head first into the forearm of Savage lol. Fans sound legit pissed when Flair kicks out too haha. Flair BLADES, which gets him a fine, unlike Bret who was convincing enough to avoid a fine lol. But I guess Flair didn’t care, he likes to get colour especially in big matches. And if Flair can’t bleed at WM in a WWF Title match, then where can he? FLYING ELBOW! This one is over… but no! Mr Perfect drags him out of the ring (how the ref didn’t see it I’ll never know), and Flair’s title is saved for the time being. PLASTIC KNUCKS! Right to the face. Flair may be bleeding, but between Mr Perfect, plastic knucks (supposed to be brass I guess?) and a steel chair, the advantage goes right back to the champ. SHANE MCMAHON APPEARENCE. I marked. He’s one of the people who follow Liz out to try and convince her to go back to the locker room. But she’s no help as Savage is stuck in a Figure Four lol. Savage rolls Flair up for the 3. New champ. Match is good. Isn’t great. Probably liked it a little less tbh lol. Just has a weird structure to me. Don’t know what it is though. Eh. Still good like I said. ***1/2.

Match 6 – Rick Martel Vs Tatanka – NO.

Match 7 – Money Incorporated Vs The Natural Disasters – Tag titles time. Loved me some Natural Disasters as a kid. Heenan’s jab at a women with a ND sign is hilarious. Money Inc get destroyed early on, as they couldn’t get past the strength and weight of their opponents. DiBiase gets stuck on the ropes and Typhoon runs at him… so DiBiase tried to pull the ropes down, but Typhoon isn’t able to fall over them at first. He ends up pretty much throwing himself over lol. Now Money Inc can work over  Typhoon a little. Hot tag and Money Inc are on the ropes again. BIG SPLASH. But Typhoon isn’t legal, so Earthquake goes to hit his to finish the job. Instead Money Inc grab IRS and leave with the belts. Countout win for the Disasters. Eh. This kinda blew. DUD.

Match 8 – Owen Hart Vs The Skinner – Owen wins. DUD.

Match 9 – Hulk Hogan Vs Sid Justice – Main event time. Hulk’s “last match”. LOL. Sid eliminated Hogan FAIR AND SQUARE in the RR match in Jan. Hogan is a bitch and eliminated Sid after he was out of the match. And somehow Sid is the bad guy here. LOL. LMFAO Sid gets absolutely destroyed while Hogan’s music is still playing and he’s still technically doing his entrance. Poor guy. Pretty much the only thing this match has going for it is the crowd. Hogan/Warrior is more TECHNICALLY SOUND that this lol. CHOKESLAM. Is this the first chokeslam in WM history? Undertaker isn’t using it yet, so I think it might be. You know something? Scratch what I said before… SID is the great part of this match, not just the crowd. Sure, he sucks at like, doing moves, but his facials, taunting the crowd and talking shit to the camera is awesome as fuck. POWERBOMB TO HOGAN. NO SELL FROM HOGAN. LEG DROP TO SID. KICK OUT FROM SID. PAPA SHANGO SHOWS UP LATE. ULTIMATE WARRIOR RETURNS. Match is fun, nothing more really. **.

 

WrestleMania Goes American! Gulf War, Slaughter a turn coat, Hogan the real American hero, you get the idea. WM was going to be held in some huge arena in an attempt to create a new attendance record… but ticket sales sucked so they have to move. Then claimed it was because Slaughter had numerous threats on his life and they were afraid something might happen in the other arena. But they were safe in a small arena… ok.

Match 1 – The Rockers Vs Haku & Barbarian – This should be fucking FUN. Faces of Fear (their WCW name) Vs The Rockers. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. No Ventura on commentary :(. Instead… Hacksaw Jim Duggan? How… random. Then again, the whole American theme for WM… makes a little sense. Awesome clothesline from Haku to take out both Rockers, then nice double superkick to him when he tries again and they counter! Nice contrast of styles, with the 2 power wrestlers against the 2 high flyers. I like how The Rockers use double team moves all the time just to take down one guy, and I like how they try again but it backfired and FoF get a double team move in of their own and murder poor Marty. Oh, and LMFAO at Barbarian reacting to a punch that didn’t happen. Marty hits a quick jab during a comeback attempt, and Barb thinks he’s going for another so he feeds his head in then snaps back… meanwhile Marty hits a kick to the gut LOL. Nice hot tag, nice finishing stretch. Rockers get the win. This is a good tag match and a boat load of fucking fun. ***

Match 2 – Kerry Von Eric Vs Dino Bravo – Kerry has that stupid Texas Tornado name going, which for a time they would ONLY refer to him as that, but here they announce him as KVE too. This one gets off to a chaotic start, kinda like a… twister… no that’s not right. Whirlpool? Bah, who cares. Bravo just fucking creams Von Eric. Really takes the fight to him… then slows the match down to a snails pace. Yey…  Bravo hits his awesomely lame finisher (side slam) and OMG Kerry kicks out. Little back and forth, Kerry hits the big discus punch after applying THE CLAW and it’s over. Short. Starts off good, slows down for about a minute then goes to a finish. Nothing bad. Nothing good. Too short to be anything really worth seeing, but being so short means you won’t feel like it was a waste. 1/2*.

Match 3 – The Warlord Vs The British Bulldog – Warlord looks like a roided up Steve Austin. Yeah, I’ve said it a bunch of times before. Get over it. It’s still true dammit. Slick managing Warlord seems… odd. They don’t fit tbh. Slick should have cocky, sleazy heels or dancing fools like Akeem, not some muscle bound monster. Still, better than being managed by a dog. Match is all about whether or not Bulldog can escape the Full Nelson. He can. Warlord looks shocked. Bulldog hits the powerslam. And it’s over. Short match. For the best I guess. 1/4*.

Match 4 – The Nasty Boys Vs The Hart Foundation – I remember this being really good. Hope it holds up! Macaulay Culkin is in the audience and we see him on camera before this match starts. Oh man, they should have done a Home Alone where the Nasty Boys were trying to break into his house. WOULD HAVE BEEN EPIC I TELLS YA! A somewhat lengthy babyface shine period to begin with, but some double team cheating and the Nasty’s are in control and really take the fight to Bret while The Anvil goes fucking insane on the apron desperate to get in there. Some real fucking sweet comeback attempts from Bret and cut off spots from the Nasty Boys, and plenty of tags made by Bret that didn’t officially happen because the ref was out of position to see it. Real nice basic tag 101 stuff, done in a way that is far from basic. They tease a finish with the megaphone when it backfires on the Nasty Boys, as well as the Nasty Boys having some miscommunication spots, but in the end the megaphone finally puts away the Hart Foundation and we got us some new tag champs! Great tag match. I’m liking this WM so far! Nasty’s and Jimmy Hart losing their shit because they won the gold is amazing. ***1/2

Match 5 – Rick Martel Vs Jake Roberts – Blindfold match! Great story behind this one, and if anyone can pull of a match where both guys are blindfolded, its Jake fucking Roberts. Incredible Jake promo before the match. Short, but intense as fuck. People aren’t going to like this match, no doubt. Some will, but I’d bet most won’t. They can’t see. They don’t do fancy sequences and holds and whatnot. They just wander about, listening to the crowd (they help Jake but not Martel which is cool), and try to find each other. And the crowd are eating this shit up, which makes it entirely watchable and somewhat fun too. Can you imagine them trying it today? The fans would probably be so fucking quiet it would kill the match lol. DDT from Jake and thankfully this is kept nice and short. It’s unique and somewhat works, but not something I’d point to as a good Jake Robert match or anything haha. *.

Match 6 – The Undertaker Vs Jimmy Snuka – The beginning of The Streak. The Undertaker had been with the company for less than 6 months, but was already featured in a match at the biggest event of the year against an extremely popular babyface, and someone who was involved in the main event of the FIRST ever WrestleMania 7 years prior. Not only was this The Undertaker’s first WrestleMania, it was also his first singles PPV match! As The Undertaker makes his way down to the ring, with Paul Bearer and the urn in front, I am very surprised by the rather HUGE pop The Undertaker gets when his music hits, and his name his announced! The guy is supposed to be a heel lol. But then again, who can honestly boo such awesomeness? The Undertaker just stands and stares at his opponent, not moving a muscle until he sees a chance to attack Snuka from behind while he tries to climb the ropes and play to the crowd. It’s all downhill from that point on, with The Undertaker constantly on the offense, including landing his soon to be signature leaping lariat. Again, I am surprised at the pop for The Undertaker, this time as he lands a massive suplex to his opponent! Snuka finally gets an opening for some offense, but a spring board cross body results in a Tombstone Piledriver! 1-0 for The Undertaker! There isn’t much to this match really. It’s short, and seemingly has no feud to it either. It’s basically an aging superstar being squashed by a newcomer who would eventually become one of the absolute biggest legends in the history of the industry. *.

Match 7 – Randy Savage Vs The Ultimate Warrior – Retirement match time! This match gets some major pimpage from a lot of people, especially those whose opinion I value when it comes to wrestling. However, it’s never been a match I’ve thought was that great. Will this watch change my mind? We shall see! Oh, and who happens to be in the audience? Why, it’s Miss Elizabeth! Savage dumped her last year and became the MACHO KING and joined forced with Sensational Sherry. Warrior puts over the importance of this one by simply not running 100 miles an hour down to the ring. He takes his time, saves his energy, because he knows he’s gonna need it all for this one. Savage gets destroyed right from the start. Sherry tries to help out, but the first distraction leads to nothing and the second time she gets involved sends her crashing to the outside. Oh man, Warrior KNOWS how dominant he is right now. He catches Savage coming off the ropes and holds him there, then just puts him down and slaps him right in the face, telling Savage to FIGHT LIKE A MAN dammit. Ironically it’s Warrior that takes himself out of this match, going face first right into the steel post. Sherry attacks him on the outside, and just bends right over in front of the camera, and well, he outfit isn’t very long and… yeah, nice view haha. Then she gets on the apron and bends over again lol. Guess she likes showing off? Warrior is hard to keep down for long though, as he keeps making comebacks. Sherry comes off the ropes trying to nail Warrior in the head with her shoe, but of course he moves and Savage gets taken out. Warrior is far too concerned with taking out Sherry to cover Savage, allowing Savage the time to recover. Both guys are exhausted, but Savage still has a little left in the tank. ELBOW DROP. ELBOW DROP. ELBOW DROP. ELBOW DROP. ELBOW DROP. KICK OUT. LOL. Savage cannot believe that someone not only kicked out of his finisher… but FIVE? This is how much Warrior’s career means to him. Nothing is going to stop him. Warrior begins to Warrior Up, hits the Press Slam, the Big Splash and this one is… NOT OVER!SAVAGE KICKED OUT! SAVAGE KICKED OUT! And this is where we get that awesome moment of Warrior looking to the heavens, asking them what he has to do, wondering if he can in face do it. He begins to doubt himself. Maybe it’s his time to go. Maybe he’s no longer the ULTIMATE Warrior. Warrior begins to walk away, believing that he’s done, but Savage doesn’t want that. He wants to BEAT the Warrior and END his career for real. Nice callback to the Savage feud, trying to crush his throat on the guardrail, but the Warrior has a change of heart, and realises that his time is NOT over yet! Like Savage went overkill with the Elbow Drops, Warrior goes overkill with running Shoulder Blocks, sending Savage out of the ring after each, then finally letting it all end and pinning Savage. Warrior wins, and Savage’s career is OVER! Sherry is pissed and turns on Savage afterwards, leading to Miss Liz coming to his aid and reuniting them! Incredible match. Loved this way more than before that’s for sure. ****1/2.

Match 8 – Koji Kitao & Genichiro Tenryu Vs Demolition – TENRYU AT WRESTLEMANIA!!! LMAO I on’t think he even cares about his tag partner, who gets attacked from behind before the bell… and Tenryu just stands on the apron not even attempting to help. Mr Fuji hits Koji with his walking stick. Tenryu continues to not give a fuck lol. Oh man, imagine if they shuffled things around a bit and we got TENRYU Vs The Rockers? Eeeeee Tenryu got tagged in. Unfortunately he’s the one taking a beating. Bah. He should have just grumpily kicked people then tagged out and let Koji take the offence. FUCK ME. Tenryu POWERBOMB’S one of Demolition! And this match is over! TENRYU WINS AT WRESTLEMANIA. This WM is really shaping up to be fucking awesome. Shame this match wasn’t that good though lol. But I liked it because of TENRYU. *.

Match 9 – Mr Perfect Vs The Big Bossman – IC Title on the line! Oh man, Perfect takes the GOAT bump from a slap EVER. You know when people turn inside out on a clothesline? Well Perfect does that for a SLAP. On the floor. This could be a ton of fun with Bossman tossing Perfect around, Perfect bumping all over the place, then going into a cool finish or something. Hope we don’t get TOO LONG with Perfect controlling or anything tbh, even if he is the heel and it’s kinda his job to control the match. DAMN, Bossman’s bump into the steel steps looks vicious. Actually thought he hurt himself for real. Maybe he did. ANDRE! ANDRE THE GIANT IS HERE! For some reason Andre walks around with the IC title… then smashes it into Perfect’s face! Bossman is down though after going head first into an exposed turnbuckle, not too long after the stairs bump. Perfect is in real trouble of losing his title, so Faces of Fear come down and cause a DQ. More awesome bumping from Perfect as he takes a shot from ANDRE, who helps Bossman run off the heels. Fuck me this was fun. **.

Match 10 – Earthquake Vs Greg Valentine – Guessing Valentine turned on HTM and Jimmy Hart at some point lol. Last year he was dressed live Elvis and playing guitar. This year he has to face the monster Earthquake. Valentine tries to take down the big Earthquake, and the crowd pop when he finally does. Attempts a Figure Four, but between the thick legs of ‘Quake and Jimmy Hart constantly distracting him, Valentine eventually falls to the extreme weight of his opponent. They kept it short so I can’t say anything bad about this tbh lol. 1/4*.

Match 11 – The Legion of Doom Vs Power & Glory – LMFAO, Paul Roma; early 90’s version of Garrett Bischoff! Do P&G stand ANY chance of winning? Of course they fucking don’t Roma is SQUASHED in like a minute. For that reason alone, it avoids the dud rating LOL! 1/4*.

Match 12 – Ted DiBiase Vs Virgil – They make a bigger deal out of Piper being in Virgil’s corner than they do out of Virgil LOL. And rightfully so. Virgil takes a while to come out. Guess he was in a subway trying to sell his merchandise! Virgil is dressed like a boxer, and basically boxes DiBiase at the start. DiBiase is of course pissed that he’s being shown up by his former “slave” for lack of better term (though that’s really what this angle was all about), so when he gets the chance he starts to “wrestle” his former employee and starts to beat him down once he has control. Piper is using a crutch since he was recently involved in a car crash and injured his knee. DiBiase pushes him and he falls back and cracks his knee on the chair. Not sure if it was suppose to happen like that or not, but it looked NASTY. So Piper retaliates by using his crutch to pull down the ropes, and DiBiase ends up on the outside going after Piper… and gets counted out! Virgil wins his big revenge match, but DiBiase locks in the Million Dollar Dream and takes out his former employee before Piper can stop him. Then Sherry shows up and Piper gets beat down too! Virgil eventually manages to make the save. This wasn’t too long, Virgil gets the win, DiBiase gets to look strong in defeat… all in all good stuff for the time it got. *.

Match 13 – Tito Santana Vs The Mountie – First and only match on the card I’m saying no to. NO.

Match 14 – Sgt Slaughter Vs Hulk Hogan – WWF Title on the line. America Vs Iran? Iraq? Hogan Vs Slaughter. That’s all that matters. A STEEL CHAIR IN THE HANDS OF SLAUGHTER. It’s clearly wood with a padded seat. LOL. Man, some awesome stalling and heel schtick from Slaughter here. They barely fucking touch for like 10 minutes, which is half the match. Slaughter has plenty of heat, then Hogan gets great reactions when he begins to dominate Slaughter who is a tremendous bumper for someone his size. Slaughter finally DOES use a steel chair… and uhhh… is this No DQ? Because the referee is watching this whole thing. Slaughter even chokes Hogan out with a cable. And the ref just does the 10 count because they are out of the ring. Ok. Slaughter does a real fucking great job of beating down Hogan, and Hogan sells everything tremendously. He’s a great seller for the most part, he just forgets about it all when he Hulks up, hits the big boot and leg drop lol. But before all of that (guessing that’s the finish anyway lol), he sells awesomely. Getting some colour adds to it too. Hulk Up comeback is actually done pretty nicely, with Slaughter covering him in the… flag that he supports now lol… and Hogan kicks out, realises what was covering them, tears it up and hits the big boot and leg drop to vanquish the evil and win back the WWF Title. Good match! ***.

 

Why are these early WM’s jam packed full of matches? Seriously, they are averaging at around 13 matches per show. 13. With 2 hour 40 minutes roughly per show. And there are backstage interviews and all that other shit thrown in too. Leaving not much time for the matches. So instead of potentially 8 strong matches, we get around 10 shitty matches with hardly any time and a couple of decent ones. Bah.

Oh man, the video package to kick this show off is awesome. UNIVERSE. STARS. IMAGES. HOGAN. WARRIOR. LOL.

Match 1 – Koko B Ware Vs Rick Martel – LMFAO I had this on at the same time I was posting on a forum. I wrote about 3 lines, and this was already over! DUD.

Match 2 – Demolition Vs Andre The Giant & Haku – One of Andre’s last matches ever if I remember correctly. Certainly his 2nd to last major match anyway (last being SummerSlam later in the year). Poor Andre can barely even walk around the ring without holding onto the rope all the time. No expecting ANYTHING from this match, but HAKU against 2 other big guys? Potential for some STIFF shots. Damn, nothing worth writing about. Andre doesn’t even get tagged in. He just comes in at the end, gets tied up in the ropes, allowing Demolition to pin Haku. Andre face turn so he can retire (later in the year, anyway) as a good guy. DUD.

Match 3 – Earthquake Vs Hercules – EARTHQUAKE. A fav of mine when I was a kid. So naturally I’m gonna watch this even though I predict it’ll be SHIT. Yeah, this was shit. LOL. DUD.

Match 4 – Mr Perfect Vs Brutus The Barber Beefcake – Seriously? It’s Mr Perfect so I’m gonna watch… but his WM opponent is fucking BRUTAL THE BARBER BEEEEEEFCAKE? And yes, I meant to spell it as BRUTAL. Because that’s the best way to describe the guy. Fucking brutal. Fuck you Hogan for giving this guy any sort of career. This match is pretty much Perfect just bouncing around and wrestling himself. Even beats himself by flying into the ring post head first. But Brutus is announced as the winner. Fuck him. Perfect was awesome though. 3/4*.

Match 5 – Rowdy Roddy Piper Vs Bad News Brown – So Piper is half black. Fuck me this sucks. And then ends in a double countout. Urgh. Why? DUD.

Match 6 – The Hart Foundation Vs The Bolsheviks – Ends in under a minute. DUD.

Match 7 – Tito Santana Vs The Barbarian – NO.

Match 8 – Randy Savage & Sensational Sherry Vs Dusty Rhodes & Sapphire – FUCK. THIS. SHIT. NO.

Match 9 – The Rockers Vs The Orient Express – This was AWESOME at the RR a couple of months earlier. Can they do it again? God I hope so. This event so far has been DIRE. Ahhhh, finally, a match I can ENJOY on this show. Good stuff here, though not on the level of their RR match (not many tag matches are tbh). HBK as FIP is always win, some nice moves from the Orient Express, good double team stuff… and the finish… while being a shitty countout loss for The Rockers, was done awesomely. Marty gets salt thrown in his eyes, then just flops about on the floor and falls over the guard rail and into the front row. Has to be seen, it’s fucking hilariously awesome. Shawn walking past him asking if he’s ok and just carrying on is EPIC. ***1/4.

Match 10 – Dino Bravo Vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan – I don’t think so Tim. NO.

Match 11 – Ted DiBiase Vs Jake Roberts – Yes. This has potential for awesomeness. These 2 have an awesome match in 85 Mid-South that I really fucking love. Hoping this is just as good. Jake looks great early on, but the fact they know each other well comes into play when DiBiase is able to counter the knee lift of Jake and fuck, Jake takes a crazy bump into the corner from it. PILEDRIVER. DiBiase looks pleased and wastes time gloating, allowing Roberts the time to kick out. But the effects of the Piledriver are still on Jake, so we get DiBiase beating down the Snake some more. MILLION DOLLAR DREAM. Jake however is a pro and is able to manoeuvre near the ropes, so even when he gets taken to the mat, he can hook the ropes with his leg and escape the hold, as well as a pin fall attempt. DiBiase is a great cocky bastard here, but his constant stalling continues to allow Jake the chance to recover and make a comeback, and of course Roberts sells the effects of the Piledriver and Million Dollar Dream all the way. DDT time! But DiBiase is also a pro and figures a way to counter! He grabs the ref’s leg and holds on, and while the ref is trying to get him off, Virgil takes Jake through the ropes and to the outside. Million Dollar Dream! Jake crashed them both into the ring post, but Virgil being there for DiBiase allows him to gain a little help in getting back to the ring before the 10 count. Jake loses though. Match was good. Not great, but good. ***.

Match 12 – Akeem Vs The Big Bossman – Why does this match interest me so much? Akeem is hilarious as the “African Dream”. He does the exact same dance move with his arms constantly, and that’s like, his entire gimmick. How can Slick be a heel manager with THAT theme song? So bloody catchy. Speaking of catchy themes… HE CARRIES A BIG STICK, A BALL AND CHAIN TOO! Bossman face theme is GOAT. DiBiase appears from out of nowhere and attacks the Bosman before the match can begin! Slam on the floor, sent into the steel post then thrown into the ring to start the match! Akeem now has a big advantage. Holy fuck, Bossman doesn’t just kick out of the first pin attempt… HE POWERS OUT. AKEEM FLIES OFF OF BOSSMAN. LOOK AT THIS POWER MOV… well he tried one anyway. LMAO MONSOON IS AWESOME. Looked like Bossman was trying to turn the 10 punches in the corner into a reverse atomic drop, but Akeem was too heavy and just kinda fell and Bossman’s legs collapsed on him. Bossman slam, and this is over. Short and sweet. I enjoyed this far too much than I should have lol. **.

HONKA HONKA HONKA HONKY LOVE! DDP! He’s driving his very own Pink Cadillac to the ring with Honky Tonk Man and his entourage. He agreed to let them use his car and I *think* he even did it for free, as long as he could drive it and be part of the show. Honky Tonk Man might be a fairly shitty wrestler that I’m not really a fan of, but fuck, I love the HTM gimmick. Entertaining as FUCK. Is that… is that Greg Valentine with Honky? Fuck me, it is. LMFAO at Valentine, THE HAMMER, dressed like Elvis jamming out on his guitar while Honky sings. Rhythm and Blues is their team name/band name. The Bushwhackers are randomly there trying to sell merchandise. I… I guess they have some kind of problem with R&B. They run them off then trash their equipment. Odd, random, fun.

Match 13 – Rick Rude Vs Jimmy Snuka – I love Rude, but no. I can’t watch Snuka wrestler. Guy is terrible. NO.

Match 14 – Hulk Hogan Vs The Ultimate Warrior – WWF Title Vs IC Title. The first major Face vs Face match  that I can remember, at least in WWF. Just being the main event of WM probably makes it bigger than any others that have taken place before in any other promotions tbh. Warrior looks like a retard. He’s just stood with his mouth wide open. Crowd are going more nuts for these two pushing each other than they have for ANYTHING else before it. Simples times. I miss em. LMFAO at them locking up. Both pressing against each other, shaking and screaming. I’m sure everyone has seen the animated GIF of the knuckle lock with Warrior… uhhh… looking like he’s doing something to Hogan. It’s just as hilarious seeing it in full rather than the edited GIF. Match is just a total spectacle. Hey Rock/Cena, take notes. THIS is how you do a big epic spectacle match. Not that fucking trash you did at WM 28,a and will likely do again at WM 29. Things are kept simple; punches, slams, elbow drops, clotheslines. Mainly because that’s kinda all either man has in their arsenal lol, but also because they don’t need to do SHIT and the fans will react like it’s the greatest thing ever. Couple of dull moments where Hogan goes for a rest hold, then Warrior goes for one too (fucking Bear Hug), but the crowd are still with them at least, and they do some entertaining stuff in between them too. Some nice false finishes near the end, with both guys technically getting a 3 count on each other but the ref was down. Was this match the beginning of the big false finish/finish reversal WWF/E style main event matches? Other than Hogan no selling finishers, I really can’t recall a WWF match doing a finish like this. So kudos to them, because they do it really well, and while the style CAN be overused and done wrong, when it’s done right it’s fucking INCREDIBLE and has lead to a bunch of great matches and moments. Warrior finally wins in the end, and becomes the new WWF Champion! Great match. Could have been better without those rest holds (which I truly believe were used as REST holds here), but everything else was great. Best WM Main Event so far. ***3/4.