Category: Written Reviews

Backlash 2007

Man, Backlash always used to be such a STACKED show, didn’t it? Maybe because they needed a good reason for people to spend another *however much PPV’s cost* usually in the same month as WM?

The Hardy Boys Vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch – World Tag Team Championship Match

Alright, we start off with what should be a pretty sweet tag match on paper!

Love me some Hardy tag matches, and Cade & Murdoch felt like such an “old school” tag team which is something I always liked about em.

Matt and Jeff are on a roll early on, getting a prolonged babyface shine period compared to your average tag match. And it’s a ton of fun.

Then the power and BRAWLINGNESS(c) of their opponents sends them on the defence.

Cade & Murdoch are pretty awesome at just beating the fuck out of anyone in the ring with them. Like I said, they feel like a real old school tag team, and this really is something I’d expect to see in the mid 80’s with The Rockers against Dick Murdoch and… whoever the fuck teamed up with him (seriously, how many partners did DICK have lol?).

Hot tag feels a little cold, which is somewhat surprising giving it’s THE HARDY BOYS. Maybe just more disappointing, I dunno.

JEFF JUST DIED~! He was doing the old “jump off of Matt into the opponent in the corner”, but Cade moved Murdoch out of the way and Jeff crashed and burned HARD.

CANADIAN DESTRO… SUNSET FLIP~!

Finish kinda comes out of nowhere too… huh.

Well this wasn’t quite what I was hoping tbh. Hot tag and finish fell flat for me, but everything else was really good. Just could have been better in those couple of places.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

UMAGA IS BREATHING HEAVY~!

Melina Vs Mickie James – WWE Women’s Championship Match

MELINA FAP FAP FAP.

MICKIE JAMES FAP FAP FAP .

I think I might actually watch this match, it could be good!

No seriously, it could be good .

Both women are showcasing their WRESTLING SKILLS early on, and they are both pretty good at it. Melina isn’t someone I’d always praise for her in ring work (she’s a tremendous manager on the outside though), but she looks great here. She fakes getting something in her eye then fucking BLASTS Mickie in the face with an elbow .

Man, how often does Mickie take a big bump off the ropes to the floor? Not often you see the female wrestlers in WWE do anything like that. Most struggle to take a decent bump off the fucking apron lol.

MELINA USING HER LEGS . She’s got a fucking FULL NELSON applied using her LEGS. I think that might be the best thing I’ve ever seen.

MICKIE AND MELINA BOTH DO THE SPLITS THEN HAVE A BACK AND FORTH PUNCH BATTLE . Ok, THAT might be the best thing I’ve ever seen!!!

SCORPION DEATH DROP BY MELINA~! And she retains her title!

Yup, this was indeed a good match . Glad I watched it.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Maria interviews Edge, then pulls out some paper from between her tits . Someone asked her to ask Edge the question “how did you win your first title”, and of course Edge talks about cashing in MITB and whatnot. Turns out that MIIIIIISSSSSSTEEEEERRRR KEEEENEEEDDDDYYYYYY. KEEEEEEEEEEEENEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYY was the one that asked about it. He’s the current MITB holder at this time btw. For people who forgot.

MVP Vs Chris Benoit – WWE United States Championship Match

Huh, forgot this match existed. Only remember them having the WM match (which was decent at best) and then their 2/3 falls match (which was garbage). Is this the one people tend to call good? I fucking hope so.

JBL calls MVP the future of this sport. If only he could see into the future . Anyone else remember the reports going around the interwebs around this time about MVP? Saying how people backstage respected and liked him because he would watch and study tapes of matches from the likes of Benoit and Eddie etc so he could learn as much as possible. Shame he didn’t learn anything .

these two guys had a match on SD days before? Sure, MVP walked out on the match but still… come on. Are we gonna get Lesnar Vs Reigns on Smackdown before WM? People would probably prefer that to them having a match at WM, actually. Fuck those people. I kinda wanna see them go at it. Not expecting some great match, but hey, there is a good chance it won’t suck. Unlike this match which has a high chance of sucking because MVP is awful. He’s totally the worst Power Ranger.

Only thing I’ve enjoyed in the first 5 or so minutes is an overhead belly to belly suplex by MVP.

GERMAN SUPLEXES~!

MVP does some stuff.

GERMAN SUPLEXES~!

MVP does some stuff.

GERMAN SUPLEXES~!

MVP does some stuff.

Small package from Benoit. Match is over.

Well. This wasn’t bad or anything. Wasn’t great either. Just… there. I could easily live with myself if I never saw or spoke about this match ever again lol.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Orton tries to make a move on Cena.

Bobby Lashley Vs Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon & Umaga – ECW Championship Match

Well Lashley manages to not kill himself in the first minute, so that’s good . Fuck me though, he lifts and throws Shane around like he’s nothing. Wonder how powerful the guy actually is. We need a wrestler’s version of World’s Strongest Man. Get Lesnar, Henry, Big Show, Cena, Lashley, Kane, Cesaro and a couple of others and have them running with anvils and lifting Atlas Stones! Hell, some wrestlers have competed in the competitions in the past! Billy Graham, Ken Patera and Jerry Blackwell lol. Oh and Henry won the first Arnold Strongman competition, but I’ll still claim that was set up for him to win.

So as we get a few minutes into this match, Lashley is still dominating and making Shane and Umaga look useless as he tries his best to get to Vince.

The numbers end up costing Lashley control of the match, and now the SAMOAN BULLDOZER can maul Big Black Boabby Lashley.

Shane controlling Lashley with an MMA submission hold. Does Lashley still fight btw? Has he gone up against anyone worth a damn yet? How about the first ever triple threat MMA match? Punk Vs Lashley Vs Lesnar!!!

BEAR HUG~! GIVE THIS MATCH A MILLION STARS~!

WWE ban Piledrivers and shit because they are dangerous, but don’t do anything about Bear Hugs? Do they have any idea how dangerous they are to the RATINGS?!??!

Shane is looking awesome in this match. He tags in after the bear hug and a Samoan Drop, then just fucking unloads with forearms onto Bobby’s back and he looks more brutal and stiffer than the rest of the roster at the time bar like Finlay, Regal and Benoit.

Lashley’s come back is nice, even if the set up was escaping a booooring rest hold. Shane continues to impress me with his bumping ability.

SPEAR TO UMAGA~!

LASHLEY GETS HOLD OF VINCE~! Powerslam coming up and… Shane grabs his leg to stop him, and Umaga decks him.

ECW TITLE TO THE FACE~! Shane could win the match, but Vince wants to be the ECW champion!!!

1…2… KICK OUT~!

Well, if the title to the face doesn’t do it, the Samoan Bulldozer will!

SPASH FROM THE ROPES~!

1…2… KICK OUT~!

Lashley does not want to lose the ECW title!

Vince sends Umaga back in to finish the job once and for all.

ANOTHER SPLASH~!

Vince tags in, makes another cover and…

THE NEW ECW CHAMPION… VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON!!!

A mostly fun match. Shane ruled and Lashley was pretty good too. Umaga was fine, and Vince was just there to get the win .

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

Joey Styles going mental on commentary and then Vince running into a bunch of ECW originals and mocking them might be the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. Since that double splits spot earlier in the show… .

The Undertaker Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Last Man Standing Match

.

First move is a boot to the fucking FACE from Undertaker . They ain’t gonna waste time locking up here, not when it’s a Last Man Standing match!!!

Undertaker is going into this match injured, and would be the injury that causes him to drop the title and have surgery . If it wasn’t for the bicep injury, he was apparently supposed to get a lengthy title run. Would have been awesome .

Batista almost drops ‘Taker while attempting to power him up for a running powerslam. Thankfully he is able to still bring him down to the mat with a slam and not drop him on his head .

Anyone else think the Last Man Standing match needs to be… re-worked? I mean, we REALLY don’t need those count attempts from a fucking slam, do we? EVERYONE knows it’s gonna take at least a finishing move to end the match, and on a PPV between two monsters like this, it’s gonna take something HUGE. Is it a Texas Death Match where you have to pin your opponent before the referee will start the 10 count? That at least makes sense. If you can pin em, then you might have a good chance of keeping them down for a full 10 count. A slam 2 minutes into the match ain’t gonna do SHIT.

Every year around this time (it’s March for those who read this after it’s posted lol), rumours circulate about Undertaker’s condition and it’s usually something along the lines of “he’s fucking dead” but it turns out “he’s in great shape for a guy at 50 who has been wrestling for as long as he has”. Point being, how on EARTH is this man still able to walk? The crazy bumps he takes into the steps knees first is insane. Foley already has trouble moving around because of the shit he did, and Undertaker can’t be far behind, right?

The referee for this match is MICKIE HENSON… who USED to be called Mickie Jay, but they changed his name cos it sounded too similar to Mickie James .

Anyway, the match lol. Yeah it’s great. It’s 2 heavyweights battling for the WHC. Their WM match was spectacular. Their SD cage match is often forgotten because it didn’t happen on PPV, and that’s a shame because it’s awesome. Cyber Sunday is my personal favourite of their series. Hell in a Cell is still to come. And here we have their LMS match, and yeah, it’s still awesome. Probably the weakest of their PPV series (in 2007), but that’s just a testament to how epic their series was. Who knew Batista could not only have a great match… but a SERIES of great matches? And who did it take to get that out of him? The motherfucking UNDERTAKER. HHH failed, but the Dead Man didn’t .

STEEL STEPS TO THE FUCKING FACE~! Batista is bleeding and almost lost the match right there! See, I can at least buy a 7 or 8 count from THAT rather than a slam.

Undertaker sees the blood flowing from Batista’s face and immediately starts punching the open wound .

At WM, Batista put Undertaker through the announce table. So for revenge, it’s Undertaker’s turn! LEG DROP THROUGH THE TABLE~!

Batista was blasted in the fact with steel steps, busted open, punched in the face and THEN driven through a table and… HE’S UP AT 9!!! THE ANIMAL IS STILL IN THE MATCH!!!

SPEAR~! Batista with a spear OUT OF NOWHERE! That’ll buy him some time to rest and maybe even get the win! Nah, not the win.

SPINEBUSTER~!

SPINEBUSTER~!

SPINEBUSTER~!

3 fucking Spinebusters in a row! Batista knows he needs to hit everything he can in order to keep Undertaker down.

Well, the Spinebuster didn’t work, so time for a Batista Bom… CHOKESLAM~!

Both men are down and hurting. Will we get a draw? Nah, that’d be a bullshit finish… .

Ha, cool to see Undertaker being the one to mount the corner for punches and get POWERBOMBED!

The Undertaker barely makes it back to his feet, and Batista cannot believe it. Time for a steel chair! RIGHT IN THE FACE~!

Batista doesn’t even give the referee a chance to count, as he picks Undertaker up for a Batista Bomb on the chair… but gets a back body drop for his troubles!

TOMBSTONE~! It won Undertaker the WHC at WM, and now he’s depending on it to win here.

BATISTA IS UP!!! What is it going to take to keep either man down?!?!

They work their way up to the top of the stage, hoping that they can try their luck outside of the ring, since nothing in the ring has worked.

They keep teasing something big off the stage, but nothing comes of it until…

SPEAR~! SPEAR OFF THE STAGE~! BOTH MEN CRASH DOWN TO THE FLOOR AS PART OF THE SET FALLS ON TOP OF THEM!!!

The match ends in a draw, with both men fucking DEAD from that huge bump. A great way to keep the series going, and not have one guy look THAT much better than the other buy surviving the LMS match.

Yeah, I love this. Undertaker and Batista beat the absolute FUCK out of each other, hitting their big moves, before going for it all with a bump off the stage. Pretty much exactly what the match should have been and needed to be.

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

John Cena Vs Shawn Michaels Vs Edge Vs Randy Orton – WWE Championship Match

A text vote was cast and Cena got 50% of the votes to win this match. FIFTY PERCENT. Out of 4 possibly choices. These days he’d be lucky to get 20% probably lol.

So the fans give Cena a 50 & chance of winning, but in reality he only has a TWENTY FIVE PERCENT CHANCE .

We get a 4 man version of the spot from the Vengeance 2002 triple threat, where Angle was trying to get the attention of Rock and Undertaker, and ended up getting decked in the face. This time it’s HBK and Cena getting in each other’s face and Edge & Orton wanting the attention.

After those two halfwits get decked, HBK and Cena go at it as a continuation of their 45 minute war from Raw the previous week .

Aaaaand that lasts about 30 seconds before Rated RKO show up again, clear house, then have a staredown of their own which doesn’t get much of a reaction tbh lol.

This match reminds me, I should watch that lengthy Raw match between HBK and Cena again soon, as well as the Orton Vs Edge match from around this time as well. Remember both very fondly, but haven’t seen either for some time.

MOOOOOOOONSAULT~! HBK takes out everyone!!!

DOUBLE LEG DROP~! Cena hit both HBK and Edge with that top rop leg drop while his opponent bends over . Basically a super Fameasser, right? The Cenasser?

Whole match is a fast paced action packed crazy fun MOVES~! fest. And that’s not always a bad thing. When done right, guys going out and going all out like this can be a ton of fun, and this is one of those times where I can sit back and ENJOY them doing it.

Finishing stretch is crazy as fuck, with everyone busting out as many finishers and big moves as possible.

F-U TO ORTON~! SWEET CHIN TO CENA~! CENA LANDS ON ORTON~! CENA RETAINS THE TITLE~!

Did we ever get another Cena/HBK match after this to finish their rivalry? Cena had the win at WM, HBK got the win on Raw, and then Cena only retains the title here because HBK kicked him on top of Orton… so unfinished business, right? All I remember is HBK goes on to a feud with Orton, gets taken out for 4 months and when he comes back Cena is out injured too lol.

Anyway, good main event. A ton of fun for sure, though I still think it gets a little overrated at times. Doesn’t even come close to the GOAT 4 way from IYH Final Four in 1997!

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Overall CAL SCALE – 15.5

Cyber Sunday 2007

I still firmly believe WWE should bring this show back for the WWE Network or something.

Finlay Vs Rey Mysterio – Stretcher Match

They had a match at the last PPV, and Finlay faked an injury. He was carried out on a stretcher, then jumped Rey and beat the fuck out of him. So no surprise the fans voted for a Stretcher Match here tonight!!!

Wow, people are watching this show in Scotland AND the UK!!! JBL is so smrt .

Rey takes that sliding bump from the inside of the ring to the outside, but instead of landing on the floor, he lands on the stretcher .

The other options for this match were No DQ and Sheleighly on a Pole. Thing is… a stretcher match is No DQ anyway… and they actually set up a pole with the sheleighly on top of it… so technically the fans get ALL 3 matches in one .

Sheleighly to Rey’s knee! Then somehow he manages to run and jump around right after. Come on Rey, you know better than that…

Match is a super fun brawl and some nice use of the stretcher too. Love the modified 619 that put Finlay on the stretcher. Rey completely ignores to sell his knee though which does suck.

the finish is botched when a cable gets caught up in the wheels of the stretcher, preventing Rey from pushing Finlay over the line . They improvise and Finlay still loses and it’s all ok in the end .

Good stuff, had some problems, but still fun as hell. They’ve had a bunch of better matches though.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Fuck me, what happened to Matt Hardy’s face lol? He can’t compete tonight so MVP will defend his title against either Kane, Henry or Khali.

The divas are all dressed up and we have to vote for who has the best costume. Maria is a cat. Victoria is in one of those fat suits as a sumo wrestler .

CM Punk Vs The Miz – ECW Championship Match

Choices were BIG DADDY V, John Morrison and The Miz. And who the fuck did everyone pick? The Miz? Dear people. Get you heads examined. Thanks.

So I’ve almost seen all of Punk’s 2007 PPV matches now. And his 2007 on PPV was awful . A series of terrible matches with Morrison, a god awful match with Burke, a match with Miz here, and that couple minute match with BDV that could have been awesome if they gave it some more time and an actual finish. Guess they were just building him up for the WHC . It is WWE’s style, after all…

Vince McMahon: “I like this guy, I want him to be the champion in about 6 months time”.

Creative: “Ok Vince. We’ll book him in shitty matches and have him lose as often as possible and look pathetic right up until he wins the belt out of nowhere.

Vince McMahon: “Excellent”.

Miz forgets to move out of the way of a cross body. HE FORGETS TO MOVE OUT OF THE WAY. Leaving Punk to just land awkwardly on him.

Punk wins in another disaster of a PPV match for him in 2007.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

Mickie James is an Indian Warrior Princess. The hottest one ever according to her. I’d have to agree. Torrie Wilson is dressed like a man.

Time to find out who faces Orton in the WWE Title Match later tonight. HBK, Kennedy or Hardy? HBK, duh. Which means, Jeff Hardy and Mr Kennedy face each other next! Nice chance from the two losers getting a tag title match lol. Kennedy got 10%.

Jeff Hardy Vs Mr Kennedy

Headlocks. Yey. Wouldn’t mind if they knew how to work a headlock spot.

What a dull start to this match lol.

Mr Kennedy wins.

I swear that’s all I have to say about this one. They just… there was.. I mean… what?

No match structure, no story, just 2 guys doing something to fill time on a PPV.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

More divas in costumes. Melina looks like a tranny in her showgirl outfit. That’s disturbing.

Foley is practising for potentially being the referee in the main event by… talking to cut outs of Taker and Batista . JBL interrupts him with a video promoting HIM for the referee instead .

MVP Vs Kane – WWE United States Championship Match

So the fans picked Kane. Bah, why not Henry?

How long had Vickie been on TV at this point btw? Because she had a 1 line promo before the match and sounded more wooden than… uhhh… a plank of wood? I CAN’T BE FUNNY ALL THE TIME YOU KNOW.

Of course the fans picked Kane anyway. He’s the only fucking babyface out of the 3 choices. Plus he has the history with MVP so the fans really didn’t have much of a choice. Oh WWE, you claim to give the fans the power, then manipulate them to vote for who YOU want. Unless the system fucks up and some random dude gets picked instead .

Kane has injured ribs thanks to Big Daddy V on Smackdown, so MVP obviously goes after them. Aaaand then Kane gets really pissed and goes out of his way to fuck up MVP’s ribs so he can feel the same pain .

MVP gets his ribs so fucked up he gets counted out. Actually looked like a “genuine” way to get counted out than a heel just trying to keep his title lol. I mean, Kane FUCKED HIM UP lol.

Match was fine. Didn’t last too long and Kane did most of the work.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Layla is a bad cop. Kelly Kelly is a pimp. Huh, some role reversal for her, then?

Randy Orton Vs Shawn Michaels – WWE Championship Match

HBK continues his STREAK of not losing in fan votes at Cyber Sunday to be placed into the championship match lol.

Don’t remember this match at all, and not expecting anything from it either. I seem to just remember it being a feud advancer for their Survivor Series match (which I get to watch soon ). Oh wait, I do remember the finish lol.

A superkick attempt early on forces Orton to shit himself and run to the outside . Then HBK does a dive over the ropes… and I *think* he wanted to just do his usual crossbody move… but he seemed to overshoot himself and ended up doing a flip .

So, Orton put HBK out of action for 4 months with a concussion. And HBK’s response to this is… arm work.

Back suplex on the ring apron puts Orton in controller now and… his arm is suddenly healed!

Oh wait, no, Orton showed some signs of pain in his arm. About 2 minutes after using it a couple of times… .

Honestly I was pretty bored with this whole thing. Mostly felt like they were wasting time rather than trying to have a great match.

And for it to end with a punch to the balls is meh as fuck too. Thankfully their SVS match is tremendous.

Best part of this was HBK hitting the superkick AFTER the match.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

Triple H Vs Umaga – Street Fight

Options were street fight, cage and first blood. And the fans went with STREET FIGHT? The fans boo when it isn’t a cage match lol, and I’m sure Vince isn’t too pleased cos they put a lot of effort into building it as a cage match .

I suppose it wouldn’t have mattered what kind of match this was. Based on previous encounters, I’m not thrilled at the prospect of sitting through this one. And if it was a cage match, HHH would probably have needed to be the heel in order to put in a good performance.

Brawling, and then for no reason other than being in position, Umaga disappears behind the Cyber Sunday set so he can get speared through it .

No expense spared with the set piece, either. Looked like it was made out of CARDBOARD.

HHH keeps punching Umaga, who just won’t fall down. So HHH goes outside, under the ring and pulls out…

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IT’S TIME FOR THE CYBER SUNDAY WEAPON OF CHOICE GAME!!!

HHH is trying to knock down the monster Umaga, but his right hand isn’t working. He goes under the ring for a weapon, but which does he choose?

A). The Sledgehammer

B). A steel chair.

C). A trash can.

D). Brass Knucks.

If you said A, B or D, then you are a fucking moron because OBVIOUSLY THE ONLY WEAPON TO TAKE DOWN UMAGA IS A FUCKING PAPER THIN TRASH CAN!!! Thanks for playing!

OH SHIT, THINGS JUST PICKED UP . UMAGA APPLIES A BEAR HUG!!!

A steel chair finally comes into the match and… gets used for a fucking low blow .

RUNNING SPLASH THROUGH THE TABLE~! In the absence of the Spanish Announce Table, the ECW one gets taken out. the ECW commentators aren’t even there . Did they just show up to commentate the ONE ECW match on the show then fuck off? Seems kinda pointless to me lol.

Sledgehammer to the face, Pedigree, HHH wins.

Had like 2 minutes worth of stuff that didn’t suck. And not altogether either. Spread across the entire match.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

Biggest moment of the night… who wins the diva Halloween costume competition?!?! My vote is for Mickie. Yey she won too . Not much competition though, most of the others looked pretty awful lol.

Batista Vs The Undertaker – Special Guest Referee Stone Cold Steve Austin – World Heavyweight Championship Match

been waiting for this one. Had to sit through a shitty event to see it but now I’m here.

All 3 potential referees come out to the ring and when Austin gets picked, we have us a brawl . AUSTIN TAKES SOME BUMPS!!! And then ends up stunning both guys .

So I’m half way into this match and yet to write anything until now lol. I just sat back to WATCH IT because it’s awesome . Love the start to the match with Batista charging at ‘Taker with a spear, just like he did at WM, but this time Undertaker is ready and avoids it, and tries to boot Batista in the face, but he too sees it coming and gets out of the way. From there it’s a slow build as they lock up and try to power each other around, before going into full “KILL EACH OTHER” mode!

The match is just a back and forth SLUGFEST between two heavyweights, one of whom happens to be one of the best ever. The other being Batista, duh. Austin as ref is literally there to try and increase buyrates because as a referee he does fuck all pretty much .

Remember when a chokeslam from Undertaker was actually believable as a finisher lol? I miss those days .

Man, Batista can’t throw a punch for shit. LOL.

The last 5 minutes or so are filled with both men hitting their big moves, which I think fits perfectly here as both men are hyped up by WWE are two unstoppable monsters, so they are going to have to hit EVERYTHING they’ve got, MULTIPLE TIMES to win. Kinda like Brock these days. He ain’t going down to one finisher… any more .

BATISTA BOMB~!

1…2… KICK OUT~!

Can Batista beat Undertaker? He hasn’t thus far in their 2007 rivalry, and so far the Spear, Spinebuster AND Batista Bomb have failed him.

But if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

BATISTA BOMB~!

And this time it IS over! Batista finally gets a win over the Dead Man and retains his title! They are now at 1 win each and 2 draws… so this isn’t over yet! HIAC here we come .

Lawler says it best (believe it or not) when he calls this match a WAR. Because that’s what it was. Two unstoppable monsters going to fucking WAR with each other for the World Heavyweight Championship. I love it. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT. Always been my favourite of their series and still continues to be.

Rating: ****1/2
CAL SCALE – 7

Overall CAL SCALE – 9.5

Judgment Day 2007

Boy oh boy does this look utter shite on paper lol.

Ric Flair Vs Carlito

No thanks.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

HBK is being interviewed about being kicked in the head on Raw. Orton attacks him from behind. LOL.

Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon & Umaga Vs Bobby Lashley – ECW Championship Match

Vince McMahon is the ECW Champion. So he probably ranks up there as one of the best ECW Champions ever because the original ECW sucked . Ok, got the original ECW hate out of the way, maybe I can concentrate on this match… .

Fuck me, this lasted like, 2 minutes . Lashley runs through everyone and pins Shane.

Umaga attacks Lashley from behind after the match.

Vince announces that to become ECW Champion, Lashley needed to beat HIM.

Ok so… this was kinda pointless?

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

CM Punk Vs Elijah Burke

Heard that this is HILARIOUSLY BAD. So fuck it, I’m gonna watch it. But expecting it to be horrible, so hopefully I’ll laugh at it rather than get angry at it .

It’s like they are both being controlled by 2 kids with Xbox controllers or something. The kids are just button mashing and hoping they will hit enough moves randomly to win .

at the commentators trying to figure out what the fuck happened when Punk ran at Burke and just kinda flopped over the ropes to the floor.

My god it just keeps going. It’s like the Duracell Bunny. Except Duracell batteries are useful. This is just utterly pointless lol. They are just going through the motions until it’s time to go home.

Fans are so bored they decide to chant for JBL.

why do they have so much time? WHY? Is this ever gonna end? Did they book it as an Iron Man match and forget to tell the fans?

This match was ONLY 16:50 according to Wiki? Bullshit. Was at least 54:20 imo.

Biggest waste of time EVER.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

Randy Orton Vs Shawn Michaels

Was just gonna ask if Orton had turned babyface for a week or something cos he got a massive pop… then I realised the PPV is in St Louis .

HBK apparently can’t wrestle due to a concussion or whatever, so Orton demands to be declared the winner. HBK comes out anyway.

The referee begs Shawn to not compete, but he demands the bell to be rang. The bell rings, and Orton rings HBK’s bell with a right hand to the head.

DDT~!

HBK kicks out!

A kick to the face and Orton can barely even lift HBK up for an RKO, so he just drops him instead. HBK is practically DEAD, and the referee seems to think he’s still ok to continue .

Shawn does a good job selling the head injury, especially with the elbow drop from the top rope lol. Orton stuck him up there, but Shawn scratches Orton’s eyes and manages to push him to the mat, then he just kinda falls off the ropes for an elbow drop rather than get any kind of height or distance.

HBK IS TUNING UP THE BAND~!

SWEET CHIN MUSI… HBK collapses .

The referee FINALLY calls for the bell.

Was HBK injured at this point btw? Just wondering why they did the whole concussion angle with Orton taking him out for months, because the company DEFINITELY needed him in 07 well before he returned, what with Undertaker, Edge and Cena all getting injured.

Match is short and stuff. Just there to advance the story. A story that wouldn’t continue until months later when HBK returned .

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Ooooo yey, a Khali promo!

The Hardy Boys Vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch – World Tag Team Championship Match

JBL talking about Cade & Murdoch: “I don’t know what they’re thinking but I disagree with it” .

Trevor Murdoch is rough, tough and in you MOUTH . Well done, Cole!

Weird match in the early going as they just go back and forth, exchanging hip tosses and arm drags etc. Unusual for Cade and Murdoch to do that. I could understand the Hardys doing that to try and gain the advantage, hoping to keep the pace going the way they want it, avoiding their opponents slowing shit down and turning it into a fight… but C&M are doing the exact same stuff lol.

They do a really short FIP, then a hot tag to Jeff, before Cade & Murdoch regroup on the outside for a few moments.

When they get back into the ring it becomes something of a “proper” match, with Jeff being isolated and mauled. This is where the match FINALLY picks up and gets me interested.

CANADIAN DESTROYER BY TREVOR FUCKING MURDOCH~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

It’s all downhill from here now. Not just this match. But the rest of wrestling. Forever. Trevor Murdoch hitting a Canadian Destroyer is wrestling’s peak.

Hot tag!

Twist of Fate + Swanton Bomb!

Hardy Boys retain their titles.

Fun match, though it did start a little odd lol. CANADIAN DESTROYER BY TREVOR FUCKING MURDOCH~!

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Cool video package for Edge, Vs Batista with Ozzy Osbourne “I don’t wanna stop” playing over it. Loved that song. He did it live on a Smackdown around this time too, right?

Edge Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Ok, so is THIS is the match people point to as being the good one between the two? Because I’ve sat through their other 07 PPV matches so far and they’ve been trash. Yet I know people tend to think highly of ONE of them. Since the others are shit, this one has to be it, right? RIGHT?

It better fucking be cos I’m sick of watching them have wank matches together. Not wanking matches, that would be disturbing as fuck. Wank as in shit. Trash. Rubbish. Awful. Terrible. Useless. Boring. Dull.

Like how they try to make it look like a big epic match with the referee explaining the rules as if it was a big boxing match. Wrestling needs more of that tbh. Anything to try and give matches a big fight feel.

oooooowwwww fuck fuck fuck. Currently drinking one of those hot blackcurrent drinks with stuff in it to help with cold and flu. Drank half of it fine. Then suddenly my last mouthful of it was like 10x hotter than the rest of the drink and I ended up spitting it out into my hands. Now my hands feel like they are on fire . Ah crap, some dribbled down onto my favourite Iron Man t-shirt . Hope it comes out in the wash…

Edge works over Batist’a injured leg.

Batista makes a comeback.

Batista’s leg hurts after hitting some offence.

Edge rolls up Batista for the win.

This felt more like a Superstars match tbh.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Chris Benoit Vs MVP – 2 out of 3 Falls United States Championship Match

Don’t think I’ve seen this match since it aired in 07. Seen their WM match a little more recently (a couple of years ago lol), and it was… ok. Nothing special. Hoping to find something fun about this match at the very least.

seriously? They are working the match around leg work? Right after Batista/Edge JUST DID IT THE MATCH BEFORE?

First fall was… just there. Felt like the Batista/Edge match tbh lol. Just a pile of nothingness that could have been on Superstars and not felt out of place.

Finish to the fall was… ok. Benoit had MVP up for an electric chair, but his leg gave out on him and MVP countered into the Playmaker for the win.

Second fall starts and… Benoit is dominated as if HE won the first fall lol.

“Any time you stick any limb near Benoit he grabs it” .

“this is boring” chant .

Best part of the second fall is one of the little battles they have when Benoit tries to apply the Crossface. And then MVP wins anyway. 2 straight falls. I’d say “way to bury Benoit” but he would do a better job himself later in the year .

Has Benoit EVER had a good 2/3 falls match that wasn’t against Angle? This sucks, and the Jericho one from SS 00 sucks too.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

John Cena Vs The Great Khali – WWE Championship Match

Khali has a NINE INCH size advantage over Cena .

Genuinely enjoyed their… ONS match or whenever it was after this, and so far this one is shaping up to be just as fun. Khali is powering Cena around like he’s nothing, and Cena is selling every shot like a bullet to the chest.

And then the fun stops as Khali applies that god damn motherfucking piece of shit nerve grip hold. HOW MANY FECKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO NOT USE THAT BASTARDING HOLD? STOP. IT. NOW.

Cena fights back and slowly makes a comeback, then applies the STFU and makes Khali TAP OUT!!! But Khali’s foot was clearly under the ropes. Even TOUCHED the ropes at one point. Oh well.

This was ok, but didn’t seem to get going compared to their next match.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Overall CAL SCALE – 2

The Great American Bash 2007

I remember nothing from this event. Either it’s for a reason (aka the show sucked), or my mind just isn’t what it ice cream.

MVP Vs Matt Hardy – WWE United States Championship Match

Time to see if Matt can drag MVP to a good match. If anyone can it’s Matt Hardy, but MVP still sucks so bad even the best wrestlers struggle to do anything decent with him .

Well, this was a surprise . They work a nice, snug competitive match, something you’d see on a regular basis on Smackdown in 2006, and every now and then still in 07, like here.

MVP looks better than usual, but damn, Matt Hardy is on a whole other level. How fucking good is this guy? Still sucks that it was Jeff that ended up being the more popular Hardy and got the big title push .

Wish I’d wrote more about this match, but I was too busy simply ENJOYING it . Best MVP match? Can’t think of anything that comes remotely close tbh. Matt Hardy brings out the absolute best in people. Which makes me wish we got a big match between him and Christian in 2009 on ECW or something, rather than the Hardy Vs Hardy feud lol. They could have torn the fucking house down on any card that year.

So the Playmaker ends the match and MVP retains. God, the Playmaker has to be one of the worst finishers, up there with the People’s Elbow.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Dusty Rhodes shows up. Aaand my memory of this event starts to come back. He has a Bullrope match with Orton . Dusty starts telling a story about cows . Then he moos. FOR NO REASON .

Jimmy Wang Yang Vs Shannon Moore Vs Funaki Vs Jamie Noble Vs Chavo Guerrero – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Open Match

Cole: “Anyone is eligible for this Cruiserweight open as long as they are Cruiserweights” WELL FUCKING DUH.

I’m rooting for Funaki. Or Moore. Or Noble. Or Yang.

Hornswoggle randomly runs into the ring then hides under it. OH GOD IS THIS WHEN HE WINS AND THE TITLE DISAPPEARS FOREVER?

Typical multi-man CW match. Everyone just keeps running in to hit moves before getting taken out by someone else coming in to hit moves. Yawn.

Yep… Hornswoggle wins the title. Despite never being announced for the match. And thus ends the CW title because Vince is a prick.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

The Sandman Vs Carlito – Singapore Cane on a Poll Match

*facepalm*

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

Melina Vs Candice Michelle – WWE Women’s Championship Match

I was considering watching this match when Melina came out. Then I realised who her opponent was.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

Jeff Hardy Vs Umaga – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

So Matt Hardy got a great match out of a useless fuckwad like MVP earlier. So surely Umaga can get something good out of Jeff Hardy, who isn’t entirely awful, right?

Lol, the ref tells Umaga to watch the throat after he uppercuts Jeff. HIS FUCKING FINISHER IS A THUMB TO THE THROAT. I don’t think he cares, ref .

Umaga is a beat, just destroying Hardy in fun fashion, allowing Jeff to stick to his strength of taking a beating. Aaaaaand then Umaga applies that fucking nerve grip. BAN THE FUCKING NERVE GRIP. AND THE BEARHUG. BAN EM BOTH.

, had to pause the video to go get a drink, and the moment I clicked play again, I just heard the words “Barbeque sandwich” from JR. NO IDEA WHY HE SAID THOSE WORDS IN THE MIDDLE OF A MATCH .

Once again the referee tries to make Umaga stop something, this time to stop using the ropes to leap in the air and crush Jeff. Umaga immediately does the exact same thing, only for Jeff to get his knee up and catch Umaga!!! Guess he should have listened to the ref .

Hardy is building momentum now, capitalising on Umaga driving his own head into the mat on a missed headbutt! A mix of speed and high flying offence looks to send Jeff to the IC title, but the MONSTER Umaga just doesn’t stop! THE SAMOAN TERMINATOR~!

UMAGA SMASHES HIS OWN HEAD INTO THE RING POST~!

SWANTON BOMB~!

HOLY FUCK UMAGA KICKED OUT~! Genuinely thought the match was over there lol. Don’t remember who wins!

SUPER KICK~!

BUM SMASH~!

SAMOAN SPIKE~!

Umaga retains his title and comes out looking like a true fucking beast!

Great match! Umaga looked great, Jeff looked great, both guys stuck to what they are best at, and they meshed together tremendously.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Liking how they are building up the main event throughout the night with video packages for both men. It’s getting me hyped lol.

John Morrison Vs CM Punk – ECW Championship Match

Nice little moment with Punk hitting a Tully Blanchard suplex, here at the Great American Bash.

Wouldn’t be surprised if that was the best part of the match tbh. These two have a bad track record on PPV .

Trashy Mess.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

Randy Orton Vs Dusty Rhodes – Texas Bullrope Match

I just… no. I have no desire to watch Dusty in his “prime”, never mind in 2007.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

The Great Khali Vs Kane Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Remember when Kane disguised himself as the Burger King so he could attack Edge, and ended up injuring him? Fun times .

And then Khali won the WHC and the fun times were done.

Why do they always have ring announcers tell you how tall someone is ONLY when they are 7ft or above lol? “COMING DOWN TO THE RING, STANDING AROUND 5 FEET TALL, ONE OF THE DIVAS”

Oh ffs, we aren’t even 5 minutes into this and there is a fucking Nerve Grip. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL THEM TO STOP IT?!?!

Sweet jebus, just when Kane shows up to break the hold… Khali puts it on him too.

Well bugger me, Khali with a Chokeslam? To both men? Did he EVER use that move again lol?

They all end up on the outside and just club the fuck out of each other and the match turns fun for a few moments . DOUBLE SPINEBUSTER TO KHALI THROUGH THE TABLE~!

Khali sells the table spot for about 2 minutes before getting back in the ring lol.

CHOKESLAM TO KHALI~!

Ya know, I’m actually enjoying this . Khali isn’t in it much, and Kane and Batista beat the fuck out of each other which is super fun.

Everyone is throwing BOMBS at each other, desperate to win before the third man can show up and break up the cover. just after I wrote that, JBL says “we’ve got guys throwing BOMBS at each other”. STOP STEALING MY SHIT, JOHN!!!

Unfortunately Khali does retain. I was rooting (ROOT) for Kane back in the day.

Yeah, I had fun with this .

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

Video hyping HHH’s return for SummerSlam. King Booker comes out afterwards. Guessing this is to start their feud. Urgh. He wants Lawler to give up his crown because Booker is the only true King, apparently…

John Cena Vs Bobby Lashley – WWE Championship Match

Having a bunch of legends comment on the match for the hype video really makes this match seem HUGE. Wonder how Lashley would have turned out if he didn’t leave WWE.

Big fight feel .

Starts out like you would expect from a big face vs face match. They lock up, they do the old test of strength spots, then they just go from there.

And where they go from there is having Lashley display his amateur skills and using his power and athleticism to make him look as good of an all rounder and big threat to Cena as possible. All the while Cena does a bit of brawling and throws in some of his awkward “modified” moves.

Terrific spot with Cena avoiding a clothesline from Lashley, and it’s one of those where Lashley looked like he wanted to fucking MUDER Cena with the move, and he would have if it hit, so Cena had to have perfect timing to avoid it, and it was done really well and looked awesome .

according to Lawler and JR, Cena has NEVER faced anyone with the kind of wrestling skills that Lashley has. Seems Angle didn’t go to TNA in 06; he was simply removed from existence! Then Lawler follows up with the “especially someone with the kind of strength Lashley has too”. And somewhere Lesnar just bursts out laughing and doesn’t know why. I do, Brock. I do.

Lashley is on top form here, just on the offence all the time, no wasted motion. He exploded out of nowhere with power and smashed Cena’s ribs down onto his shoulder, and form there Lashley focused on the mid-section of the champ.

F-U~! Cena with an F-U out of nowhere, but he’s too fucked up to cover straight away, and Lashley is able to kick out and recover quicker than Cena.

SPEA… STFU~! And it looks as shitty as ever lol .

SPEAR~!

KICK OUT~!

So Lashley got to kick out of an F-U, but only after taking almost no damage in the match up to that point, and having Cena wait about a minute before going for the cover. Cena on the other hand, has taken all this punishment and kicks out of a SPEAR straight away. LOL.

SUPER F-U~!

And with that, Cena retains.

Great match here. Made Lashley look like he could really be the FUTURE if he wanted to. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, he didn’t want to and he left. TNA are trying to make him their FUTURE, but being the future of TNA is like getting a promotion at work right before it closes down .

The match has a great atmosphere to it as well, with the big fight feel that I love so much, and the crowd being super into it all, but being very, very split as to who they wanted to win. Unusual for Cena to not get booed to shit on PPV in a title match around this time .

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Overall CAL SCALE – 11

SummerSlam 2007

Well, time to torture myself!

So this is the 20th SummerSlam. Did they honestly think this card was worthy of being such a high profile event?

Event has been sold out since Jan. Feel sorry for all those people who bought tickets without knowing the card .

Kane Vs Finlay

Well, looks like the show is going to get off to a decent start. Have a feeling it all goes downhill from here though .

Oh my god, are you kidding me? This is ANOTHER KANE FEUD BASED ON SPILT COFFEE?

Well, all I can say is, that coffee must have been DAMN HOT because Kane is out to MURDER the Irishman. Probably as STIFF as Kane has ever been .

Kane absolutely dominates and mauls Finlay early on, and seems to be working more of a SMASH MOUTH style match than you might expect from him, despite the fact he usually does like to smash people in the face lol.

Finlay finds an opportunity to gain control of Kane, and does a little rib work (Kane’s ribs are taped up), but Kane is still so fired up he just keeps coming back and Finlay is back on defence.

Finlay tries to get Hornswoggle involved to help him, but the midget is terrified. Pretty sure Kane just botched knocked Hornswoggle’s hat off .

CHOKESLAM~! No wait! Kane’s ribs are fucked and he can’t get Finlay up! NOW is the time for Finlay to turn the match around!

The sheleighly gets involved, and we have the old “ref takes it away only for Finlay to bring out another one” spot, but not even a shot to the ribs can keep the Big Red Monster down!

CHOKESLAM TO FINLAY~! KANE WINS!!!

Huh, not really sure how I feel about this match. Kane dominated 90% of it, despite the fact Finlay is one of the toughest bastards ever AND Kane was injured. Very odd. Fun to watch and a good fight, Kane looked good, but yeah, not quite how I thought the match was gonna go.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

at Regal. Vince shows up in the GM room to find that there are no women for this big SummerSlam party. So Regal blurts out “I TOLD YOU TO GET THE SCRUBBERS” .

Santino is there because… yeah. MVP shows up and wants Vince to make a “competition” between him and Matt Hardy.

Oh man, Regal killed it during the entire segment .

Umaga Vs Mr Kennedy Vs Carlito – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

SO uhhh… everyone in this match is a heel, right? Bet the fans will be into this one .

Umaga doesn’t give a shit, and takes on both men at once because he’s a fucking savage. Kennedy and Carlito try to work together, but their combined talent doesn’t equal Umaga’s .

Ok, so Umaga is a fucking MONSTER. At the start of the year he was mauling John Cena. Yet here, in typical truple threat fashion, he gets drop kicked out of the ring and is out of the match for a while. God I hate normal triple threat formulas lol. The Armageddon 07 triple threat was sooo much better.

OMG KENNEDY JUST SMASHED A MONITOR ONTO THE RINGPOST… I MEAN UMAGA’S HEAD. HONEST! IT TOTALLY CONNECTED WITH UMAGA’S HEAD AND NOT THE RING POST. YEY~!

Umaga still wins.

Whatever.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Rey Mysterio Vs Chavo Guerrero

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

Torrie Wilson Vs Victoria Vs Kristal Vs Michelle McCool Vs Kelly Kelly Vs Brooke Vs Layla Vs Melina Vs Mickie James Vs Beth Phoenix – #1 Contendership for the WWE Women’s Championship Battle Royal Match

I think I wrote down everyone. Probably not. Don’t really care .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

MVP and Matt Hardy do one of their competition things. It’s a beer drinking contest. Hardy is a pussy and picks a substitute, to get revenge for the boxing match they had when MVP subbed Holyfield for himself. Who is Matt’s sub? STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN~!

at Austin warming up . That’s the sign of a professional right there!

STUNNER~!

We return backstage to the party in Vince’s office. The GOAT moment of 2007 takes place:

John Morrison Vs CM Punk – ECW Championship Match

what the fuck is this? It’s like they planned out a 30 minute match, only to find out there were getting 7 minutes, but decided to keep EVERYTHING in anyway .

No time for any selling, no time for ANYTHING really. They do moves and follow it up with moves and then some more moves. Twice Morrison tried to slow Punk down with a rest hold, but the moment they went to the mat in the hold, Punk was already fighting back out .

Currently on Wikipedia looking up the time of the match so I could make my point better lol… and it turns out only TWO matches on the entire show go longer than 10 minutes . Only 1 more goes over 8 . The total time for matches, on a THREE HOUR PPV is 1 hour 17 minutes .

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

King Booker Vs Triple H

HHH returns after yet another quad injury. And he decided to return and squash Booker T . I watched just because I find it hilarious. Because Booker T sucks. Duh.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

The Great Khali Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

this show just gets worse and worse .

Surprisingly Khali isn’t too bad on offence… except for that sodding nerve grip. God I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE FUCKING H.A.T.E. THAT FUCKING HOLD. STOP IT. It should be banned.

KHALI BOMB~!

BATISTA KICKS OUT~!

Khali, despite DOMINATING this entire match… whacks Batista with a chair and gets DQ’d.

Well. That was pointless . Not as awful as I was expecting though .

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

John Cena Vs Randy Orton – WWE Championship Match

People tend to cream over this match. Those people can BURN IN HELL. No Way Out 2008 is the only match between these two men that you ever really need to see. EVER. Their matches should have ended there.

Well, the match starts off fun at least. Crowd are HOT for this one. They fucking hate Cena and are practically BEGGING for Orton (or anyone really) to take the damn title from Mr Hustle, Loyalty and Dullness. They go bakc and forth, exchanging basic holds and trying to gain control, until Cena gets blasted off the apron and crashes face first into the announce table, and it quickly becomes Orton’s match.

Sleeper hold > Cena escapes > Runs the ropes > Gets hit by Orton/Misses a move > Sleeper hold. Rinse. Repeat. Me fall asleep.

That was the main portion of the match. Seriously. Urgh. Things pick up again towards the end at least. Fuck me though, can Cena do ANYTHING without running the ropes?

Cena Superman’s out of nowhere and applies the STFU, and Orton’s head nearly falls out from between Cena’s arms because he doesn’t seem to be able to apply the fucking submission properly. 8 years on and he STILL can’t do it either .

RKO~!

Of course, Cena kicks out. Duh. A finishing move FINISHING a match? LOL as if!

F-U out of nowhere~! Orton kicks out… oh wait no. Cena wins lol.

*sigh* I just don’t like this match much at all. Has some good stuff, but is ruined by Orton and Cena repeating the same damn sequence for the middle portion of the match and then going into a finishing stretch with no real build. And of course SUPERCENA finish.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Overall CAL SCALE – -0.5

Armageddon 2007

Yet another DVD I had to unwrap to watch for this ramble! Though tbh I don’t think I’ve owned this one that long, pretty sure it’s one I picked up a couple of months before starting the 07 rambles.

Rey Mysterio Vs MVP – WWE United States Championship Match

I miss Rey . The current contract situation with him and WWE is bullshit. Just let him leave. He can’t do much in the ring any more without getting injured, sadly, and let’s face it, Rey going elsewhere isn’t going to put a dint in WWE.

Match starts fun, both men doing back and forth doing some nice holds and cool counters. Then MVP gains control and *falls asleep*…

Mmmmmm Root, I’d love to hack that system with you. Oh, we only have one chair, maybe you should sit on my lap…

*wakes up*

Huh what? Mysterio is making a comeback . Finally, something interesting. Mysterio loses his balance on the ropes, but still manages to connect with MVP… except his balls took a headbutt .

Fun finishing stretch and then… MVP gets himself counted out. Booooring. Some good stuff here, when Rey was on offence, but everything else was dull.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Kane & CM Punk Vs Mark Henry & Big Daddy V

BEEFIES VS PUNK .

Match starts with Henry and Punk together. Yey! Henry trash talking .

Dammit WWE, STOP SAYING MARK HENRY IS LEGITIMATELY THE WORLD’S STRONGEST MAN. He isn’t. He never was. He has lifted some big weights in the past, pre-WWE. He won the 2002 Arnold Strongman Classic. BUT that competition was seriously lacking in big time strength athletes. I still think it was a set up, as Vince and Arnie were friends, and Arnie had done some things with WWE before, and having Henry win would add some media attraction to WWE, while WWE could help advertise the first Arnold Strongman Classic and get it off the ground.

Anyway… no wait, not done yet! In 2007, Henry certainly wasn’t LEGITIMATELY the World’s Strongest Man. A certain Polish man by the name of Mariusz Pudzianowski was.

Ok, back to the match. In fact, I missed quite a bit of it typing that shite out lol. I’ll go back to the start because I genuinely wanna see this.

Even Henry Vs Kane part of the early going here is . Kane looks like he’s trying to really kill Sexual Chocolate with some of those shots! Tag back to Punk, who ends up getting run over by Henry and now the 2 BEEFIES can begin to crush the ECW Champ!

they try to do the old “face runs into the ropes, heel on the apron kicks him” spot, but the fucking referee got in the way .

Hoooooly SHIT at the height CM Punk gets dropped from when Big Daddy V presses him over his head. Full extension of his arms, elbows locked out (still in the Strongman mindset here lol), and Big Daddy V is what, 6’8? So Punk gets dropped over 7 feet to the mat. OUCH. To hell with calling Henry the World’s Strongest Man lol, someone see what Daddy V can do! Well, back then, anyway. We can’t now .

“COME ON, DADDY!” that just sounds so wrong. Stop it, Striker .

Kane takes a turn at being the FIP, and Henry & V do a pretty darn good job working him over. How awesome would they have been as a dominate tag team with the titles or something on Raw and/or SD? They constantly stuck Big Show and Kane together and gave them the belts, why not do the same for the SUPERIOR BEEFIES team?

Punk’s hot tag is sweet, and his knees and kicks to the head of Big Daddy V to try and take him off his feet all look fantastic. And then… BOOM. Punk dives off the ropes and BDV catches him with a Samoan Drop for the win! Damn! BDV just pinned the ECW Champion!!!

So this was great! I mean yeah, one hell of a tag match! Add another PPV tag match in 2007 that’s better than the overrated DX/Rated RKO match .

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

Shawn Michaels Vs Mr Kennedy

Hoping for at least a solid match here. Kennedy kinda went downhill in 07 after he came back from the injury that cost him the MITB briefcase. However I do love the match he had in early 08 on Raw with HBK on the first HD show, so hopefully the PPV match here will be good.

Anyone remember why this match is happening btw? No video package so I’m clueless lol.

Unusual start to the match as Kennedy starts off strong as the heel, rather than a typical babyface shine period. I like when they deviate from the regular formula . Kennedy works over the back of HBK, and HBK must take advantage of any oppertunity that comes his way, involving a chop block to the knee, and then an armbar take down. Different parts of the body, but both were the best he could do at that time.

Ha, it’s actually like Kennedy and HBK have reversed rolls. HBK as a babyface would normally start strong, with heel Kennedy looking for any opening he can get to take advantage of. Nice .

That armbar takedown took enough out of Kennedy to allow the Show Stopper to regain control, and he does so by continuing to work over that arm, now forcing Kennedy to take back his style of wrestling by searching for an opening!

HBK STAMPS ON KENNEDY’S HAND WHILE IT’S ON THE STEEL STEPS~!

Wonder how good HBK can be at working over someone’s hand. I guess he did get first HAND experience (ha, get it?) in the Mankind match at Mindgames .

Love some of the battles they have with HBK refusing to let go of the hand and Kennedy trying everything he can to get away . This is the kind of shit that made me such a fan of Kennedy during his mid-06 to mid-07 run.

Awesome transition spot with HBK having his back smashed into the ring post from the apron . Love that spot.

HBK constantly getting in little shots to the hand whenever he can .

Also like how HBK’s comeback is slowly built up with him getting a little more offence in each time he attempts a full comeback. He’ll hit something, Kennedy will take him back down. He’ll hit something again, Kennedy might be rocked and HBK can get something else in, before Kennedy takes him down, and then after a few tries, Kennedy is too rocked from each shot to put HBK down again!

Kennedy is also still showing the effects of the arm work earlier in the match too. LONG TERM SELLING = . Not enough people bother with short term selling these days, never mind long term.

Oh my, I think I blew my load! Kennedy decks HBK, but it was with the hand that Shawn worked on, and Kennedy screams in pain and can’t follow up, allowing HBK to land Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere for the win!!!

“Hoping for at least a solid match here.” LOL. Not even close. It’s FAR above just a solid match! Tremendous stuff. Makes me wanna go back and watch their Raw match too. Think I actually still have the first Raw in HD show on my PC…

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

Orton gets interviewed back stage. I groan at first because he starts off a little shitty, but then he goes on to hit it out of the park by the end. Awesome stuff from him.

Triple H Vs Jeff Hardy – #1 Contendership Match for the WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble

Oh my, helloooooo Lillian! Looking rather spectacular!

So we have HHH and Jeff Hardy. Two guys that on their own, I really don’t care for. Together though? They just seem to click. Weird how that happens sometimes. I can dislike 2 guys in the ring on their own, but when they face each other, somehow they bring out the absolute best in themselves. I can’t think of any examples off the top of my head right now lol, but hopefully I’ll remember some before the match is over .

They play up nicely on the different styles of the two men here. HHH is bigger and stronger, able to knock Jeff down with shoulder blocks and vicious clotheslines. Jeff has to keep trying to use his quickness to avoid HHH’s offence and land his own, and it’s done very, very well at the start here.

Both are babyfaces and have that whole “respect” thing going on, but this is about getting a title shot at the RR. Jeff goes to deck HHH but hesitates, thinking this is going to be a friendly WRESTLING match. HHH responds by bitch slapping Jeff so hard he probably thinks he’s Matt.

FIGHT ME~!

Now things are getting serious! No playing around, no fancy holds and counters, just two men hungry for a title shot!

Despite getting off to a pretty great start, once HHH gains full control I lose interest a little. He’s never been the best guy on offence, and even with a babyface like Jeff Hardy who can get the crowd behind him and do some cool selling and shit, it’s still not that exciting.

Doesn’t help that EVERY cut off spot from HHH is a clothesline. Well, 99% of the time anyway.

Picks up as they go into a finishing stretch, with Hardy hitting a bunch of high flying moves, and HHH trying to avoid or counter them. And then Hardy counters a Pedigree with a pin and gets the win!

HHH sits there smiling. Because he knows he can have a WWE title match whenever the fuck he wants anyway .

Ok match. Not the best these have had though, which is disappointing. They certainly are capable of more. HHH was too dull controlling things.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Khali is screaming at the camera. BLURGH BLARGH HOOGLBLUE. RAWR. Something like that.

The Great Khali Vs Finlay

Gonna see if FINLAY can get something decent out of the Punjabi Twat.

JBL goes retarded “I DON’T THINK EVEN ON HIS BEST DAY, FINAL CAN BEAT KHALI”. Seriously, JBL? SERIOUSLY?

Finlay spends most of this match taking kicks to the head lol.

Yey, nerve grip. Exciting…

Sheleighly to Khali’s balls! Sheleighly to Khali’s head! FINLAY WINS~!

Well, I probably should have skipped this one .

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

Randy Orton Vs Chris Jericho – WWE Championship Match

So Orton ran through HBK, HHH and Cena in his title reign and whatnot… and suddenly a guy returning to the ring for the first time in 2 and a half years is going to SAVE US? Not only that, but it’s Jericho? LOL. Maybe if this was for the IC title… .

How shit was Jericho’s “big return” anyway lol? He did fuck all really until he turned heel and had the HBK feud… which I think is overrated (along with most of their matches).

Didn’t help that everyone KNEW the whole “SAVE_US” thing was him.

Ok, I need to remove all that negativity from my mind. These two have had some super matches in the past, back in the EVOLUTION RAW days. So this COULD be good too .

Arm drag is the first move attempted in this match and… it’s botched. Looked more like a wrist drag . Not sure whose fault it was though. Luckily the next 2 times Jericho goes for that move, it lands perfectly .

Christ this is dull. Then it shoots up like a fucking ROCKET when Jericho counters an RKO, hits a bulldog and follows up with the Lionsault because everyone thought he was gonna win the belt.

Aaaand then the match randomly ends up on the outside, where Orton lobs Jericho into JBL.

Walls of Jericho applied in the middle of the ring and… JBL kicks Jericho in the face and the match is mercifully over.

What a load of pointless garbage. NOTHING. That’s the best way to describe this. It’s a match filled with NOTHING.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

Yey… Jillian Hall comes out to sing. Sad thing is, she’s probably better than everyone in the charts right now .

Mickie James Vs Beth Phoenix – WWE Women’s Championship Match

Mickie Vs Victoria at the first PPV in 07 was really good, so I’m hoping for something similar here with Mickie against Beth .

JR shouting “HEY MICKIE” during the match when she almost wins, totally not even understanding the reference he himself made and carrying on even when Lawler mentions it was probably my fav part of the match .

Not to the say the match bad, infact I enjoyed it quite a bit. Beth was powering Mickie around, then Mickie would keep trying to fight back until she finally took down the Glamazon and could start to mount some offence.

Finish just seems to come out of nowhere and falls flat as fuck, which is a shame .

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

Batista Vs Edge Vs The Undertaker – World Heavyweight Championship Match

oh yes, one of my fav triple threat matches!!!

What’s so special about this match is how it’s the transition from one Undertaker feud to another, playing off things that happened MONTHS ago as well. Undertaker Vs Batista was the big WHC feud throughout 2007 (when they weren’t injured lol). Edge beat Undertaker for the title during that time, when Undertaker was injured and had to take time off. That lead to Batista wanting to take the belt from Edge. They feuded, and then Edge got injured, allowing Batista to come in and eventually win back the title. Undertaker returned and again challenged Batista for the belt. They ended up inside the HIAC at Survivor Series (which I think will be the last 07 show I ramble about), where Edge returned, screwed Undertaker out of the title and put himself back into the title picture. So now all 3 men are active, all 3 men want the WHC, and all 3 men will compete here tonight! And after this match, things would then start to build to Undertaker getting his hands one on one with Edge for the title for most of 2008!

Both Undertaker and Batista want to kill Edge. But they don’t want to team up to do it. They are MEN. They are WARRIORS. And they wanna maul Edge ON THEIR OWN. Which leaves Undertaker and Batista to beat the living shit out of each other for the opportunity to get to Edge! LOVE how they structured the match this way. Makes a nice change from the typical triple threat formula.

While Taker and Batista try to kill each other, Edge plays up his “Ultimate Opportunist” character perhaps better than he ever did throughout his entire run, by sitting back and watching the two rivals going at it, then picking his spots when the time is right.

Plenty of great action throughout, will some cool moments such as Batista decking Undertaker with a clothesline, countering his apron leg drop that he was planning on doing to Edge, and Batista Spearing Undertaker while he has Edge up for the Last Ride, causing a fucking pileup of all 3 men!

Edge again continues to play up his character, this time ringing the bell while Undertaker has Batista locked in a triangle choke! Undertaker thinks it’s over, let’s go of Batista and gets back to his feet, only to get a Spear from Edge!

Undertaker and Batista continue to fucking murder each other, dishing out numerous big finishing moves, all the while knocking out Edges left, right and centre. Yes. EdgeS. There are 3 of them! All the constant distractions allow the REAL Edge to steak a win from Undertaker, and become the NEW World Heavyweight Champion!!!

The debut of the EDGEHEADS, Hawkins and Ryder, help Edge add another WHC win to his portfolio in an incredible match that helps end one rivalry and begins another!

<3 this match so much still.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

Overall CAL SCALE – 16

New Years Revolution 2007

The event best known for HHH’s second quad tear! Yey!

Also, what is it with these 07 PPV’s not having proper intros? You know, so I can screen cap em and use them for the main image of the post? No Mercy didn’t even HAVE one, and here the screen disappears do damn quickly I couldn’t get a decent shot in 6 attempts so I gave up . Yeah I could still get one with some extra work, but it’s only a sodding picture .

Wait, what the feck? They did the little “Raw presents NYR” thingy with the logo flashing on and off the screen in seconds, then we get introduced to the show by JR, he tells us the IC title match is happening first and… video package for the PPV? WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Johnny Nitro Vs Jeff Hardy – WWE Intercontinental Championship Steel Cage Match

MELINA .

When did Nitro change to Morrison?

Morrison. Morrisons. Was supposed to go to Morrisons today for some shopping. But my friend had to go into work and now he can’t take me cos he finishes after the shop shuts . Good job I went to Aldi this morning and got some food from there. Shall have to wait until like, Wednesday now for Morrisons. They got some stuff on offer I want. Shit, actually, that fucks up my plans for tea tonight. Got some chicken in Aldi and was getting a BBQ chicken cook in the bag mix from Morrisons to have tonight. Now I can’t have that. Bah. Guess I’ll just make a chili instead. Shit. Didn’t buy garlic bread for it. I guess I COULD walk over to Aldi again but… it’s cold outside . The fuck am I gonna have for tea tonight then?

Nitro and Hardy are having a match btw. Inside a cage. Nothing really noteworthy so far. Both man have dropkicked each other into the cage. That’s about it.

Back suplex off the top rope. Looked like they went out of their way to fall from as little height as possible despite being on the top rope lol. Suppose I shouldn’t blame them, I certainly wouldn’t want to fall that high. My back would snap faster than a Slim Jim.

And we have another cage spot. Followed by… another cage spot… and oh hey, look… another cage spot. With practically NOTHING in between them. I so LOVE that about wrestling .

Ooops, seems that I ended that cage spot sentence too early. ANOTHER FUCKING CAGE SPOT WITH NOTHING BETWEEN IT AND THE OTHERS.

Best part of the match just happened. Hardy tried to climb out and MELINA whipped the part of Hardy’s fingers that were coming through the cage with her metal studded belt . Kinda sad when that’s the best part of the match so far, but then again it’s still fecking awesome. Melina was a great manager.

Shit, what was that? Oh, another damn cage spot. They are literally just taking turns at it.

Melinda blocking the referee from opening the door .

Finish is similar to X-Pac/Jericho at… No Mercy(?) 2000. Jeff wins and retains his title.

Well, while I didn’t think this was good, it also was kinda harmless too. I’m not exactly screaming at my screen or anything, so that’s a positive. Right?

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Rated RKO interview. They are going to put a PAINFUL AND DEFINITIVE END to DX tonight. Ha, they kinda do .

The Highlanders Vs The World’s Greatest Tag Team Vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Super Crazy Vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch Vs Cryme Tyme – Tag Team Turmoil Match

A bonus match! Better be good. Starting with The Highlanders. Well, that didn’t last long.

WGTT do a wonderful job carrying the Highlanders here. Their offense looks great, good double teaming and all round good tag work. They dominate the match and eliminate the Highlanders.

Duggan and Super Crazy? Who the fuck put that team together?

Fuck me, Shelton nearly caves Duggan’s face in with a running knee. Damn.

Lawler proves that he isn’t even in Heenan’s league when it comes to being a colour commentator. JR mentioned that Duggan went to college and Lawler doesn’t laugh once, never mind for the rest of the match.

German suplex to Crazy and that’s that. Cade & Murdoch waste no time coming out and jumping the WGTT from behind while they are still down and hurting.

Murdoch boots Shelton in the face so fucking hard I forgot about that running knee to Duggan. Shelton is dead. Or he should be because that was brutal.

Hass comes in from the hot tag and looks damn impressive. He looked great when he returned in 06 from… whatever happened to him. Shame they did that bullshitty impressions gimmick with him. How many people have had that gimmick btw?

Cade and Murdoch get the win, and out come Cryme Tyme. Crazy to think that JTG is no longer with the WWE now .

In fact, is anyone still employed by the WWE from this match so far? Guessing just Duggan on a legends contract? And of course unfortunately Lance Cade passed away. In fact we can go even further and add the opening match to that too. Nitro, Hardy and Melina are all no longer employed by WWE now either. Looking at the rest of the card and hardly anyone is. And it’s not like this is a fucking early WM from the 80’s, this is from 2007. It’s 2015. Depending on who else is in this tag match, only TWO people on this card are still employed by WWE as active competitors. Cena and Orton. Crazy.

Ok, so Cryme Tyme are the last team, and they end up winning it all.

Enjoyed WGTT carrying The Highlanders, and then WGTT Vs Cade & Murdoch. Everything else was kinda blargh.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Oh god they set up the Rosie O’Donald Vs Donald Trump “match” in a backstage segment. Coach’s tongue smells like shit due to being so far up Vince’s arse.

ROM SIMMONS DAMM.

Kenny Dykstra Vs Ric Flair

No thanks.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

Mickie James Vs Victoria – WWE Women’s Championship Match

I’ll give this a watch. Not often I bother with women’s matches, but I like Mickie and Victoria has been built up as a dominant monster for this match so it could be pretty good.

Mmmmm fresh cream and strawberry jam finger doughnut.

Nice deep arm drags from Mickie. MICKIE STEAMBOAT~!

Victoria is great as being a vicious bitch inside the ring. Beating the fuck out of Mickie, and trying to rip her head off in a submission hold too . She seems to like targeting the heads and faces of other divas, and she’s doing her best to smash in Mickie’s face here.

Hell Victoria even starts shit with Lillian at ringside lol. Reminds me of when she first came into WWE and was attacking all the big boobed blonde women before going after Trish .

SECOND ROPE MOONSAULT~! That missed though, and Mickie might be able to take advantage!!!

Mickie just fucking DECKED Victoria .

Melina has shown up because… I have no idea. Did I miss something? She tries to help Victoria win the title, but former victims of Victoria, Maria and Candice, show up to make sure she isn’t successful!

DDT from Mickie, and she’s still the women’s champion!

Good match, glad I decided to not skip it! Mickie with 2 great women’s title matches in a row at NYR (06 and 07 lol)!

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

DX Vs Rated RKO – World Tag Team Championship Match

Alright, time to get this one out of the way. It gets pimped to fuck, and I’ve never personally quite gotten the love for it. Kinda like a certain other tag match were HHH tears his quad lol.

This one starts on the rampway as one big fucking fight. DX are out for BLOOD, not tag titles here. Man, how stupid are the rules of wrestling when you actually think about it?

Jr mentions that the bell hasn’t even rung yet, and King chimes in with “because they haven’t gotten into the ring yet”. So they can do whatever the fuck they want atm until they get into the ring. Imagine if that rule was similar for other sports? Before boxing or an MMA fight, one guy attacks another guy before they enter the ring/octagon? LOL. Or how about in Football (or soccer for you weirdos ), a team is coming down the tunnel to get on the pitch and the other team jumps them from behind? BUT IT’S OK BECAUSE THEY AREN’T ON THE PITCH YET AND THE WHISTLE HASN’T BLOWN TO START THE MATCH~!

The match really slows down once it actually starts, but DX remain in control and spend most of their time just blasting Orton in the face over and over again. Nothing special whatsoever, but I kinda like that they ain’t doing anything fancy because they just want to HURT their opponents. Sure they could have done it in a more interesting way, but come on, it’s HBK and HHH lol.

EDGE CLIPS HHH’S KNEE~! The left one though. Should go for the right one, it’s at a breaking point already .

Well before Edge and Orton can really get back into the match and work over HHH’s leg… hot tag to HBK. Still waiting for this match to impress me tbh. I might not be the biggest fan of the 2 Man Power Trip Vs Chris x 2 match, but I’d still call that a great match.

ORTON MURDERED HBK WITH A CLOTHESLINE~!

I think that MAYBE the match is going to finally get into a good groove following that. HBK down and hurting and at the mercy of Rated RKO… but second later HBK takes both opponents out of the ring and dives over the ropes onto them. FFS lol.

TAG TITLE BELT TO HBK’S HEAD~! Hopefully THAT will be the turning point in the match. Yup, HBK is busted open. I did like how HHH saw it and just flew over to deck Orton lol. Far too often the referee gets in the way, but here HHH got to Orton and took him down before Elias (the referee) could stop him.

Wow, was a whole 4 days ago when I started this ramble and was complaining about Morrisons. Now I’m sat here with some food I got at Morrisons when I was finally able to get there .

DOUBLE IRISH CURSE~! Wonder if Sheamus got the idea for the move here . Or maybe he was already using it on the Indies? I don’t know.

So HBK gets his back worked over for a while, and it’s fine. Not setting the world on fire or anything.

HOT TAG TO HHH~! QUAD TEAR~!

I respect HHH for trying to stay in the match, but that RKO on him was hilarious. He crumples to the floor before Orton can even jump in the air .

SUPERKICK TO ORTON~! I could watch Orton getting kicked in the face all day. Take that how you want .

PEDIGREE~! Kinda. Again, much respect for HHH trying to keep going, but that was just awful.

HBK saves the end by decking the referee and taking out Rated RKO with chairs. Huh, looks like they cut the part out where Orton runs in with a chair and is clueless as fuck because he doesn’t know what to do with HHH being injured .

Fucking hell, HHH continues to beat up Orton and Edge, and even hits a Pedigree on the announce table! No selling the shit out of that quad tear lol!

Good match overall, but still nothing special. Not even close to being one of the top tag matches ever. Not even the best tag match on PPV in 2007. Overrated as fuck, but still worth a watch and something I could sit through again if I wanted to.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

Carlito Vs Chris Masters

As much as I like Masters, I cannot sit through a Carlito match. Especially him as a babyface .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

John Cena Vs Umaga – WWE Championship Match

Haven’t seen this match in years. Perhaps not since it first happened. I don’t care much for their LMS match at the RR, unlike most people. This match however gets a ton of praise from people though, so I am very interested in finally seeing it after all this time.

Umaga is still undefeated at this point, and Cena is what, half a year into his year title run?

Damn, Cena is a terrible puncher lol. They look ridiculous.

Cena thankfully doesn’t get many shots in before Umaga shows his power and absolutely dominates the champion. Both guys do a great job here; Umaga with his power offence, and Cena with bumping and selling.

Did have to when Cena tried to slam Umaga though. FFS, Umaga isn’t exactly Yokozuna. We’ve seen Cena AA Big Show multiple times, yet he can’t do a simple scoop Slam to Umaga? Bullshit lol.

that rolling wheel kick to Cena looked fucking tremendous. Love when big guys use that. Viscera was awesome at it, and it just looks so impressive coming from guys that are fat.

Another “Cena can’t lift Umaga” spot, this time with an AA attempt. At least this time they can make the excuse that Cena is fucked from the beatdown. He hasn’t taken that much punishment before trying that slam earlier though. LOL. Anyway, the spot looked great, looked like Umaga landed right on Cena’s head.

After that spot, Umaga immediately targets the neck of Cena and he looks like he’s trying to fucking SNAP IT .

CENA COMEBACK~!

Oh look, NOW he can lift up Umaga and hit that odd suplex thingy he does. BUT HE COULDN’T SLAM THE FUCKER EARLY IN THE MATCH?!?!

Another AA attempt, but Cena’s back and neck is killing him so he definitely can’t do it here. But he could hit that back suplex thingy like 10 seconds earlier?

Umaga is great here at cutting Cena off, either through sheer power, or simply capitalising on Cena being too beat up to hit certain moves.

And then Cena wins with a roll-up. A fucking ROLL-UP. He couldn’t AA Umaga, but he was able to keep his shoulders down for a 3 count on a fucking roll-up?

Well, honestly don’t like that ending, BUT the rest of the match was pretty great. So much better than their LMS match. SO. MUCH. BETTER.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Overall CAL SCALE – 7

No Mercy 2007

Couldn’t decide which 07 show to watch next, so I muddled the DVD’s up, put them under a cover and picked this one out at random. 3 HHH matches in one night. 2 against Orton. Yeeeeeeey…

Woo, kicking off a PAY-PER-VIEW show with… talking! At least GENERAL MANAGER REGAL is there too. Looking all BOSS and shit.

Orton is announced by Vince as the NEW WWE Champion. Did that actually count as a title reign for him? Just curious lol.

Yey Regal gets some mic time! Tells Orton he gets to decide who he will defend the title against first. Fans want Y2J. They’ll have to wait a little longer for him, but not too long . Anyway, I guess this is an official reign for Orton then? Crazy.

Blah blah blah Orton is the best blah blah blah HHH interrupts blah blah blah we got a title match.

Randy Orton Vs Triple H – WWE Championship Match

Well, I guess if we couldn’t get Cena/Orton, WWE had to make it up to use by giving us TWO HHH/Orton matches to replace it . This is match #1, which I remember nothing about. At least I remember thinking their Last Man Standing match later in the night is great. As long as this doesn’t wanna make me smash my head against a wall I’ll call it a win.

Early going of this is really good, actually. They work a nice pace that isn’t too fast that it would be a random move-fest, but sure as hell isn’t a slow, dull, Orton pace. Awesome bump from the high knee by Orton too lol.

Even when Orton tries to bore, I mean, slow things down with a headlock, it doesn’t last long and even then, this is still during a time when Orton knew how to WORK a headlock spot, so it’s all good .

SPINEBUSTER BY HHH, AND HE DIDN’T TEAR HIS QUAD~! That’s success for ya!

HOLY SHIT HHH WINS THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP WITH A SCHOOL BOY PIN~!

Well, I’m pleased . Unlike 90% of their matches, this was GOOD! A great opener for the PPV, and a match I’d happily sit through again. A HHH/ORTON MATCH I’D HAPPILY SIT THROUGH AGAIN. Doesn’t happen often!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

Brian Kendrick, Paul London & Jeff Hardy Vs Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch & Mr Kennedy

So Mr Kennedy injures the golden goose a week prior to this and is rewarded with… a PPV match! LOL.

This is a “bonus” match, and boy does it feel completely meaningless too lol. It’s just a standard tag team for no real reason whatsoever. It isn’t bad or anything, in fact I rather enjoyed it (mainly thanks to Cade & Murdoch/Londrick stuff). It’s just… this should have been a Raw match. In fact it basically was, only with Shelton instead of Kennedy, just the week before.

Hardy does that running dive off the apron and… Cade apparently doesn’t know it’s coming so he isn’t in position. Jeff just crashed to the mat . Not in a horrible way where he hurt himself, just a funny way .

MRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR KENNEDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY picks the win up for his team with that… top rope move he used to do. Uhhhh… dammit I can’t remember the name of it . Finlay used to do it too, only without the need for the ropes because he’s BOSS AS FUCK.

So yeah, good, enjoyable tag, but had no purpose.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

D’awww, HHH and Batista have a moment backstage with both of them as champions. Then Vince shows up and informs HHH that the original match between him and Umaga is still happening tonight, only know with the title on the line!

Big Daddy V Vs CM Punk – ECW Championship Match

Is this that super short match that ends in DQ? Probably is.

Yup. It is. Striker runs into the ring and attacks Punk in less than 2 minutes.

And that’s terrible because they had an awesome sub-2 minute match up until that point . This was probably cut short due to the changes made to the show with Cena being injured. WE GOT THAT MEANINGLESS 6 MAN TAG INSTEAD OF A LENGTHY ECW CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH? FUCK YOU.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Tazz like flat greasy wet pie.

MELINA~! FAP~!

MARIA~! FAP~!

They are here to keep score as Matt and MVP have another one of their competitions.

We are getting a Pizza eating contest. On PPV. When the ECW Championship match just before this got under 2 minutes.

Triple H Vs Umaga – WWE Championship Match

The referee is called Marty ELIAS. ELIAS. .

I might be a little obsessed with Person of Interest .

OH SWEET JEBUS UMAGA JUST MURDERED HHH. Superkick right to the fucking FACE .

Are any of those Undertaker/Umaga matches from house shows available online? Not some big dream match or anything in my opinion but definitely something I’d like to see. Shame they never had a program on TV or anything.

How do people rate Umaga btw? I liked him most of the time, but never thought he would be the next big thing or anything. Don’t think he was made for the main event scene, not in the long run, anyway.

Oh yeah, the match. HHH does some stuff, Umaga cuts him off and works him over a little, nothing exciting there. Then HHH wins. Meh. 3 HHH matches in one night, 2 against Orton, and the Umaga match is probably gonna be the worst of the bunch . THAT’S INSANE~!

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Backstage, Khali is meditating while his handler dude speaks for him. I was surprised that Khali was able to sit crossed legged and then stand up with ease .

Finlay Vs Rey Mysterio

Oh fuck YES . I have no memory of their PPV matches, just their TV matches (one in 06 and one in 07). And those were spectacular.

This is off to a tremendous start, just what I wanted to see . Finlay mauling Rey with his great offence, and Rey using his speed, quickness and unique offense to gain momentum for himself. I could watch these two go back and forth all day.

Mysterio tries to go for it all early on, with a sunset flip powerbomb attempt on the floor from the apron, but Finlay uses the apron cover like nobody else can to counter the former WHC and it’s all downhill from here for poor Rey!

This is just fantastic stuff. Rey’s little comebacks are great, Finlay is great at cutting him off, and the turnbuckle spot to distract the ref was awesome.

The finish see’s Finlay get knocked off the apron and SPLAT to the floor, and he pretends to be knocked out. He gets put on a stretcher and… jumps up and attacks Rey . What a cunty heel he is .

Not on the level of their 2 epic TV matches, but for a match with the ending it had, which was essentially to build to another match, it was damn good!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

Vince and HHH backstage segment again. We get the Last Man Standing match announcement .

Beth Phoenix Vs Candice Michelle – WWE Women’s Championship Match

Hmmmm… no thanks!

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

Batista Vs The Great Khali – World Heavyweight Championship Punjabi Prison Match

People say this match is good. Yet they hate on the Undertaker/Big Show one. So not sure if I should believe them .

This match is so horrible on paper, my DVD is spinning like hell to keep it playing otherwise it’ll start skipping lol.

Aaaand it’s dead. BRB, gonna give the disc a clean. Would be a shame if I couldn’t watch this match .

Dammit, it works again. FINE, I’LL WATCH THE DAMN MATCH.

So uhhh… some time has passed. The guys in the ring did some stuff. And now all the doors have been opened and closed, so they have to climb out of the first structure now rather than escaping through a door. Whatever.

Batista wins.

People think this is good? But hate on Undertaker/Big Show? GTFO.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

Triple H Vs Randy Orton – WWE Championship Last Man Standing Match

PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH SHOT TO THE RIBS~! Orton is in control!

HHH takes a sweet back bump in the steel rampway. Orton is brutal in his assault on HHH, as he knows the Game is hurting and dammit he wants his title back!

MONITOR RIGHT TO HHH’S HAND~! BARELY~! I think it was supposed to be a head shit, with HHH protecting himself which is of course smart… but Orton almost missed HHH’s hands .

ORTON THROUGH A TABLE~! If Orton connected properly with that monitor shot he wouldn’t be in this predicament .

Well a Spinebuster on the floor wasn’t enough to keep Orton down so the next logical step is… STEEL STEPS~!

Why is it so hard for the fans to keep in sync with the referee’s count? They are always like 1 ahead of him. IT’S NOT FUCKING HARD.

HHH seems to be running on empty, and it catches up to him quickly with Orton gaining real control of the match and HHH is pretty much DEAD. DDT on a steel chair and then an RKO on the chair looks to solidify the win for the Viper, but hold fuck HHH is up at 9!!!

Similar to the WM HIAC with Undertaker, HHH is dead and knows it, but he wants to go out FIGHTING like a true warrior, and gives Orton the old DX Crotch Chop in defiance before collapsing to the floor again.

Honestly I think that would have been a good place to end the match but nope, Orton goes for a Punt, HHH blocks it and has some energy again because I DON’T KNOW.

Lol, had to groan in disgust as HHH so obviously sets up to take a bump into the ring post by basically moving Orton to the corner and attempting a Pedigree .

CHAIR SHOT TO ORTON’S HEAD WHILE IT’S ON THE STEEL STEPS~! Isn’t that what finished off Khali in his LMS match with Undertaker?

RKO ONTO THE ANNOUNCE TABLE~! Kayfabe, that’s what took out Cena the previous week, so I like that it was used as the finish.

Overall, a great match and the best LMS match of 2007, however I don’t think it’s as good as I remembered. Only gone down a little, mind you, but still.

Impressive though that HHH and Orton could have 2 of their best matches together in the same night. Shame they also have about 20 god awful matches together .

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Overall CAL SCALE – 10.5

One Night Stand Extreme Rules 2007

Alrighty, it’s time for… ummmm… genuinely don’t remember a single match that takes place at this event . Guess that’s what video packages before the PPV are for!

*watches video package*

If I hit my head hard enough, will I forget all the matches again?

Randy Orton Vs RVD – Stretcher Match

Fuck me, they show a video from LAST WEEK with Orton murdering RVD with punts and DDT’s and RKO’s, yet here is Mr ECW himself ready to compete. All the while HBK got taken out a month earlier from FAR LESS, and won’t return until like, September? October?

So, RVD Vs Orton. On paper, this has potential for sure, as they have wrestled a bunch of times over the years and I’ve enjoyed quite a lot of their work together. However, as I’ll likely mention over and over again in this ramble (hey, you all have that to look forward to!), gimmick matches in WWE most of the time tend to prevent the guys from having one of their better matches together.

After all those shots to the head a week earlier, RVD is out for some major revenge and starts the match off with a kick right to Orton’s fucking head . And more of that comes Orton’s way in the early going . It’s mainly awesome because Orton can sell head shots better than 90% of everyone ever probably.

One shot to RVD’s head and he’s out of it. He tries to go for the 5 Star Frog Splash, but ends up falling off the ropes to the floor and seems to be confused. Actually thought it was a botch at first and was about to ” ” but then I realised it was actually supposed to happen and instead I .

RVD did that spinning legdrop kick thingy off the apron to Orton who was on the stretcher, and he basically spanked him instead . No idea where RVD WANTED to land the legdrop, but it hit nothing but ASS lol.

I could probably have made about 10 gifs of RVD killing himself/getting killed from this one match alone lol. No wonder he took some time off after this .

Like that the stretcher didn’t come into play until right at the end. Whole match was better than I thought it might be given the stipulation. Everything was focused on HEAD (ha). Orton wanted to finish RVD off (ha), and RVD wanted to return the favour (ha… ok I’ll stop now). Both men sell the effects extremely well, and the finish played into that too, with RVD getting somewhat of an upset victory but done in a way that made sense. Aaaand then Orton KILLS RVD with a Punt .

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

Vince is looking forward to facing Lashley one on one tonight… but he has a bad feeling that something awful is going to happen to him soon. Wonder what he means .

Sandman, Tommy Dreamer & CM Punk Vs Elijah Burke, Matt Striker & Marcus Cor Von – 6 Man Tag Team Tables Match

MARCUS COR VON . THE POOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUNCE~!

Random Dudley Boy’s reference with Dreamer and Punk doing the whole “GET THE TABLES” schtick lol. Actually forgot for a moment that this was a tables match until that happened .

Match is… kinda odd. A bit of a mess with them starting off as a normal tag then suddenly remembering that there are no DQ’s or anything, and from there it goes downhill mostly because Sandman is staggering around not really knowing what the fuck to do, Dreamer is sucking, Striker is mostly sucking, Burke is being awful, and Punk and Cor Von are trying their best to keep things entertaining but everyone else is screwing it up for them .

Superplex to Striker onto Burke through a table ends the match as it’s not one of those fun elimination table matches .

Also we didn’t get a POUNCE .

.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Hulk Hogan and Test apparently had a love child…

The Hardy Boys Vs World’s Greatest Tag Team – World Tag Team Championship Ladder Match

Huh, don’t remember this match being a thing lol.

In fact, I don’t remember Hass and Benjamin being a team again at this point in time lol.

Anyways, cool little spot with everyone going outside the ring and bringing a ladder in to use as a weapon. The Hardy’s realise what’s happened and throw their ladders down and dropkick Hass and Benjamin’s ladders right back into their faces!

Nice use of the multiple ladders too, I think some stuff was done that I’ve actually NEVER SEEN BEFORE, which is rare as fuck in ladder matches after like 2002 .

The match slows down like fuck once WGTT gain full control, and the fans even boo just how shit some of their ladder offence is .

Apparently the FOUR FUCKING LADDERS IN THE RING aren’t enough, so 2 of those really big ones are brought down by the Hardy’s. Urgh. AND THEY DON’T EVEN TRY TO USE THEM TO CLIMB UP AND WIN. In fact, they only actually use one of them. AND THEY DON’T EVEN PUT IT IN THE RING. God I hate ladder matches sometimes lol.

Oh ffs. now everyone is just fumbling about with ladders and not even remotely trying to climb one and win the fucking match.

Fucking hell, just remembered that the TLC PPV is on tomorrow too. MORE SHITTY LADDER MATCHES YEY~! (edit: TLC has happened and yup, MORE SHITTY LADDER MATCHES~!)

Poor Shelton, keeps botching spots .

Aaaaand then Shelton dies. Hardy Boys retain. I wish to never see this match again.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

Joy. They follow up that match with a Khali promo. Not sure which is the biggest trainwreck.

Mark Henry Vs Kane – Lumberjack Match

thought they’d done some stupid editing here and changed Benoit’s theme song, but turns out it’s just some generic shit for all the ECW lumberjacks to come out to. I think. Was Chris Masters in ECW in 07? Wait, the draft isn’t until the next night. Guessing this is a mix of ECW and SD guys then, right?

Hmmm… actually they might have edited shit out there, as there was no commentary during the entrances, and this event likely would have been released just after the Benoit incident so I guess anything is possible. Wait… maybe not lol. They did just mention Benoit by name. FUCK KNOWS .

10 seconds into the match and the lumberjacks are already made useless, when Kane gets thrown to the outside and nobody dares touch him.

Apparently they don’t fear Henry though, as everyone jumps on him to throw him back in. And he throws them all off like a BOSS. So ummm… WHY IS THIS A LUMBERJACK MATCH?!?!

THEY’RE WRESTLING ON THE OUTSIDE AND NOBODY IS DOING SHIT ABOUT IT.

at least this is more funny that annoying, I guess . Plus, I can’t be TOO mad during a KANE VS HENRY match when they are doing some good shit .

Henry is awesome. Just thought everyone needed to know. In case they didn’t. But they should. Because he is.

Well damn, a BEARHUG spot in a match I liked? Impressive! Kane escaping with a choke and how it was all done was sweeeet as fuck. And that was the only real “slow” part of the match so far, with both guys always on the move or performing some kind of offence the rest of the time.

Chavo and Dykstra randomly jump Kane in the ring and… somehow the match is no longer No DQ? WHAT?

That distraction allows Henry to grab Kane in another Bearhug, and THE REFEREE CALLS FOR THE BELL. Henry beat KANE WITH A BEARHUG!

Fun and pretty good match between two big bastards!

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Vince McMahon & Bobby Lashely – ECW Championship Street Fight

Lashley botches THE FIRST MOVE and nearly kills himself .

He tries that dive he does over the ropes to try and take out Umaga… and his leg gets caught on the ropes .

Thankfully he isn’t injured, maybe a little sore, but he’s right back in the match like nothing happened about a minute later.

DDT ON THE STEEL CHAIR~! WHICH MISSED THE CHAIR~! BUT THEY PRETEND IT DIDN’T~!

Vince hits the worst spear ever. Worse than what Edge does. WORSE THAN EDGE. Think about that for a second.

Fuck me this is boring. Just Vince, Shane and Umaga slowly beating up Lashley and trying to pin him. Lashley keeps kicking out, and they repeat the 3 on 1 beating again.

Chair shots to Vince. Then right back to a 3 on 1 beating.

SHANE O’MAC ELBOW THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE~! Best part of the match so far. This should have been Lashley Vs Shane.

I wonder how far Lashley’s push would have gone had he stayed with the company. They were clearly looking to turn him into the new Next Big Thing… and then he left. Kinda like Lesnar .

Oh, Lashley wins his ECW title back btw. Last couple of minutes are the only parts worth watching. Except for the botch at the start lol .

Rating: 3/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

Melina Vs Candice Michelle – Pudding Match

Ummmm… no.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

Edge Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Steel Cage Match

Well the last match I saw between the two sucked balls (Vengeance). Hopefully this will be better. Not holding my breath though. Although it wouldn’t matter if I did. I’d still end up opening my mouth and taking in a breath at some point. It isn’t possible to die like that because your body simply won’t let you lol. Stupid fucking saying. Who came up with it? The french?

Batista’s offence looks… pretty darn good in the early going of this. Nothing special, just clubbing clotheslines and even basic suplex, but they were all executed extremely well and looked vicious as FUCK.

Then Edge starts getting shit in and it’s… kinda shit.

BOOOOOOORING.

They do the boring finish with both guys trying to escape at the same time from different angles, teasing the good guy getting the win but the bad guy hits the floor first. If I had skipped this, I would have missed nothing.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

John Cena Vs The Great Khali – WWE Championship Falls Count Anywhere Match

So people whose wrestling opinions I value say this is a good match. They’d better not be wrong… .

Did… did Khali just hit a roundhouse kick? Either that or the Coke I’m drinking has real coke in it.

Huh. This actually IS good. So far, anyway. Could still go to hell, but I’m hoping it doesn’t because this is FUN .

Cena actually comes across as an underdog for a change, thanks to Khali being so damn big and actually looking pretty IMPRESSIVE on offence. Seriously. He looks like a competent wrestler here! Cena is putting over all of Khali’s shit too by taking big bumps from simple moves and making it seem like Khali can’t be stopped (even though this is a rematch from JD, when Cena WON lol).

Khali pretty much dominates this entire match, with Cena just getting the odd shot in here and there in order to stay alive, before he starts to get a little more in as we go into the finish.

Cena makes good use of his environment when they go out into the crowd and up to the stage and shit too. He’s doing anything he can to try and stop the giant, and I like it!

In the end, an F-U from a crane to the floor FINALLY puts Khali down for a 3, and Cena retains.

Well bugger me sideways and call me Julie; this was really fucking good! Best Khali match? Hmmm… still leaning towards the LMS with Undertaker (obviously lol), but this is tremendous too.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

Overall CAL SCALE – 7