Category: Written Reviews

Unforgiven 2004

 

The beginning of Orton Vs HHH feud. That would last forever. And suck the entire time outside of two matches. Yey…

 

Ric Flair & Batista Vs Chris Benoit & William Regal

Well FUCK ME this sounds awesome on paper. I did see this not too long ago, because it sounded AWESOME ON PAPER. Unfortunately I don’t remember ANTYHING about it. Guess we’ll have to wait and see if that’s a good thing or not .

Batista comes out of the box throwing punches, so Benoit avoids them and counters into a Crossface attempt! LOL, fuck you Batista. Batista comes back trying to use his power, so Benoit counters into a dragon screw leg whip! Ha. TAG TO REGAL .

Regal being all BOSSY and throwing Batista around with a great suplex. Man oh man, add Finlay to this mix and you’d have the GOAT 3 man team. They would have been perfect to go up against EVOLUTION while HHH was busy with someone else over the title or something (though obviously that’s fucked at this point because Orton is the guy keeping HHH busy lol).

FLAIR AND BENOIT . CHOPS~!

Regal tagged in . ELBOING THE FUCK OUT OF FLAIR .

GOAT FLAIR SPOT EVER .

Flair tries to get back into things with a thumb to the eye and shots to the knee, but REGAL is too MANLY to drop to just that.

MOAR AWESOME FLAIR . Benoit chops him so hard he keeps trying to drop down forward, but Benoit holds him up and chops him some more .

ENZIGURI to Flair, and it sends him over to Batista for a tag, but he just stands there and does ANOTHER Flair Flop . This is already the greatest thing ever.

Regal and Benoit are OWNING this tag match so far. Tons of quick tags, great wrestling, and hard CHOPS.

Then the power of Batista comes into play finally for Evolution, and we get the awesome mix of power from Batista and wrestling/experience/CHEATING from the Nature Boy . And Regal is the FIP too . Benoit would probably be BETTER, but I’m all for Regal being in the match the longest haha. Plus, you know, Regal is still fucking AWESOME.

Screw what I just said, I’m not even sure Benoit would have been better, because Regal is killing it. He’s awesome at FACES, and I love how he screams in pain whenever Flair chop blocks his knee.

Poor Regal gets mauled, then a hot tag to Benoit and we get more Benoit Vs Flair . Insane seeing OLD MAN FLAIR taking MULTIPLE GERMAN SUPLEXES. I love crazy old man Flair. Better than 90’s Flair.

DIVING HEADBUTT~! SHARPSHOOTER ATTEMPT~! THUMB TO THE EYE~! CROSSFACE~!

Batista just picking Benoit up out of the Crossface while he’s got it locked in on Flair was awesome. Now THAT is how you break up a fucking submission!!!

Regal still being awesome on the outside, sending Batista into the ring post WHICH ONLY MAKES HIM MAD. Batista charges at Regal for a clotheslines, Regal ducks and Batista flies into the crowd .

CROSSFACE TO FLAIR~! TAP OUT~! REGAL AND FLAIR ARE OFFICIALLY THE GREATEST TAG TEAM EVER!!!

This was great. Truly. So much damn fun with some great quality to boot. Even Batista didn’t drag this down at any point. True, Flair worked most of the match, but yeah. All awesome.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Christian backstage with his lover. And Trish too. Ha. Get it? HE AND TYSON ARE GAY. Is what I was getting it. I’M FUNNY.

 

Victoria Vs Trish Stratus – WWE Women’s Championship

Ummm… no. They did some great stuff in 2002, but I don’t have much faith in them in 2004, especially with Trish as the heel and Victoria no longer being a crazy mental chick.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

So after the match, Tomko gets hold of Victoria, but some dude in drag shows up and stops him. Tomko decides to call him out. I genuinely don’t fucking remember ANY of this . I’m interested to see who it is . THEY MAKE IT A MATCH TOO. BEFORE WE FIND OUT WHO IT IS . It’s Steven Richards. LOL.

Tomko Vs Steven Richards

I am not watching this.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Chris Jericho Vs Christian – Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match

Don’t remember this match at all. I LOVE their WM match… but not sure if adding a ladder to the mix is gonna keep up the awesomeness.

this was made into a ladder match because Christian turned down a cage match as the last time he had a cage match with Jericho, he injured his back and was out for a few months. THAT WON’T HAPPEN IN A LADDER MATCH THOUGH!!!

We get a nice WRESTLING match early on between these two, making me remember why I adore their WM match so much, before a ladder comes into play.

COME ON, YOU ASS CLOWN~!

A ladder match… where they fight in the crowd! I can only assume Christian wants to take him out there so Jericho would have to both recover and THEN make his way back to the ring in order to prevent Christian from climbing a ladder and winning.

But nope, Christian actually brings Jericho back, then loses control . POINTLESS~!

sweeeet sequence on the outside ending in an UNPRETTIER ON THE FLOOR . Jericho is DEAD.

Christian realises this and goes for a ladder. COME ON CHRISTIAN!!!!

CHRISTIAN HAS THE BELT IN HIS HAND!!! Bah, Jericho is back up. Christian decides to punish him for being a cunt and getting up from his finisher on the floor. Which results in Christian going face first into a ladder. DAMMIT JERICHO.

Jericho goes face first into the ladder. LETS GO CHRISTIAN *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*.

Lol, almost ALL of the ladder spots in this match so far have just been people running into the ladder (in different ways) face first. And I LOVE IT. Makes a change from people having to rely on dumb spots off the top of a ladder or whatever. I bet they watched Hardy/RVD from SS 01 and based this match on what NOT to do in a ladder match. Because that one is the WORST ladder match ever. I mean so fucking bad you have to be brain dead to think it’s anything beyond the worst thing ever. And ugly too. Bet fans of that are UGLY. Probably an awful taste in music too.

Ooooo, Jericho takes on NASTY bump into a ladder in the corner and gets his leg all caught up and shit. He can barely even STAND UP, allowing Christian to climb the ladder… but just as he gets to the top, Jericho taunts him! Christian takes exception to that and comes back down to dish out some more punishment, but Jericho suckered him in!!! BULLDOG ONTO THE LADDER~!

LIONSAULT ON A LADDER~! CHRISTIAN MOVED~! HA~!

CHRISTIAN HAS THE BELT~! But Jericho takes the ladder out from under him, leaving Captain Charisma hanging!!! LADDER TO THE GUT~! CHRISTIAN CRASHES DOWN WITHOUT THE TITLE!

Walls of Jericho on the ladder, but it looks kinda sucky compared to the Benoit 01 match. Jericho lets go, reaches for the belt and Christian pulls the ladder out from under him this time and Jericho falls like a fucking rock and smashes his lower back on the side of the ladder. FUCKING OUCH.

First really MAJOR bump off the ladder comes with Jericho smashing Christian face first off the top of the ladder to the mat, and that allows Jericho to climb back up and win the match!

Overall I do like a LOT in this match… however at the same time is does feel like it drags (dead crowd didn’t help), and they just seem to stay in one gear. Similar I guess to the HHH/Benoit Iron Man earlier in the year. They do some good stuff but never go into that higher gear to make it more memorable or better.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

LITA COMING OUT OF KANE’S LOCKER ROOM. WHAT A SLUT. She’s rooting for Shawn in the match against her “husband” Kane lol.

 

Kane Vs Shawn Michaels – No DQ Match

Kane took out HBK my smashing his throat or something, so LITA (FAP? FAP!), as Kane’s unwilling wife, signed HBK’s name on an open contract to face Kane tonight hoping that HBK would send Kane TO HELL.

UPPERCUT TO THE THROAT . If Kane works over Shawn’s throat in this match I’ll be happy.

Shawn starts to brawl with Kane and… it’s not great . He does this thing where he hits Kane once, then just kinda moves around before hitting him again, all the while Kane just stands there waiting for the next shot.

KANE USES PREGNANT LITA AS A SHIELD~!

the evil announce table is at it again. Press slam to Shawn onto it and IT DOESN’T BREAK. So Kane suplexes him through it instead. I watch too much Botchamania because all I can picture now is the table lauging in some weird accent .

Bah, Kane is being dull as shit in control. At least CHOKE Shawn or something to target the throat. He’ll do something every now and then that goes after the throat, then he’ll go to something else like a fucking chin lock. And I mean a literally chin lock. He grabs HIS CHIN with one hand and the top of his head with the other. Looks terrible .

Shawn is bleeding. I have no idea how or when that even happened.

HBK comeback. Stuff. Wow this isn’t good at all. I’m BORED. Never a good sign lol.

Worst Sweet Chin Music ever, and I think the pun was botched too tbh.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

La Resistance Vs Tajiri & Rhyno – World Tag Team Championship Match

I think I was told to avoid all La Resistance matches from this year too. But this has TAJIRI in it. I AM CONFUSED.

Fuck it. NOOOOO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Randy Orton Vs Triple H – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Maybe this will end up like RR 05, and I’ll be super surprised by how awesome it actually is. That could totally happen, right? RIGHT?

Oh god 30 minutes left on the show. DON’T MAKE ME WATCH IT .

They lock up, the push each other, the slap each other. Couple of fucking bitches in this match apparently… .

Lawler goes on a tirade on how Orton is inexperienced and shit because he takes the match to the outside and risks getting counted out. WHICH WOULD MEAN HE RETAINS THE FUCKING TITLE. Something TRIPLE H would approve of .

Leg work. HHH does some leg work.

17 minutes left? Fuck.

Orton tries to make a comeback and… HHH is bleeding. The fuck? TWICE IN ONE SHOW and I don’t even notice how or when someone BLEEDS? LOL.

Oh look HHH trying to be Ric Flair.

Oh look, ref bump. Followed by Evolution interference. And a low blow.

THE COACH runs down and puts on a referee shirt. Makes a 2 count and gets knocked out . Best part of this match so far.

RKO TO THE COACH~!

Fuck me how long is this “Batista and Flair run into the ring and get knocked out the come back in again” gonna last?

CHAIR TO ORTON. PEDIGREE ON THE CHAIR. Thank fuck it’s over. HHH wins. Whatever.

God this is AWFUL. I mean AWFUL.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 3

No Way Out 2004

 

Sable and Torrie fap this PPV off. I mean START this PPV fap. Uhhh I mean… FAP FAP FAP.

Cole and Tazz just talk about how often they jerked to the Sable/Torrie Playboy mag.

 

The Basham Brothers & Shaniqua Vs Rikishi & Scotty 2 Hotty – WWE Tag Team Championship Handicap Match

Bashams suck. The shemale sucks. Scotty & Rikishi as a tag team in 2004 don’t do it for me. I’ll take the advice of… whoever gave me the advice, and I’m skipping every Basham Brothers match on 2004 PPV .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Jamie Noble Vs Nidia – Jamie Noble Must Wrestle Blindfolded

Oh man, I remember all this feud like it was yesterday. So much fun.

Noble gets the blindfold on, Nidia slaps him and he loses his shit, almost getting DQ’d for taking the blindfold off .

Match is worked so damn well. Nidia moves around outside the ring then sneaks in to attack. She jumps up and down to make loud noises then sneak around somewhere else and kick him in the BUTT. She’s just embarrassing him for all the shit he’s put her through. Awesome. Jake would be proud .

at Nidia doing the old “going behind someone and fake humping them” schtick. Noble is going crazy. I’m loving every second of it.

Nidia practically dominates the whole thing, occasionally getting caught but always escaping. Then when Nidia climbs the ropes and the ref watches her, he sneaks a peak, throws her off the ropes and locks in a submission for the win.

Extremely fun and very well worked match. Didn’t have the crowd interaction of the Jake/Martel match, but only one person was blindfolded here so they worked the match differently given the circumstances and honestly I think this is a BETTER match overall.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

The World’s Greatest Tag Team Vs APA

this looks awesome on paper.

Typical start to an APA match; APA beat the fuck out of anyone in the ring with them. But BRADSHAW has himself an injured arm, and that allows the WGTT to prevent getting killed TOO MUCH .

So, with Bradshaw having a bad arm, you’d expect WGTT to go after it and shit, right? Wrong! They instead… work over FAROOQ’S ARM . WHAT THE FUCK? Bradshaw is already hurt. FUCK HIM UP. Ain’t brain science ffs.

They work over Farooq’s arm fine, but again it’s the fucking WRONG PERSON lol.

Hot tag to Bradshaw and fuck me he’s awesome coming off the hot tag. Murdered everyone.

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL~! Charlie Hass is out. But he isn’t the legal man!

SUPERKICK~! Shelton pins Bradshaw.

Fine match, didn’t go very long though. Just think they worked it the wrong way. Should have been the guy with an INJURY getting worked over lol.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

GOLDBERG HAS ARRIVED. YEY. HE GETS TO SIT AND WATCH THE SHOW IN THE FRONT ROW FOR STORYLINE PURPOSES INSTEAD OF A FAN GETTING TO SIT THERE!!!

 

Paul Heyman comes out to address Goldberg. Lesnar shows up too. He provokes Goldberg fighting in the ring, forcing security to kick him out! Smart by Lesnar and Heyman to get rid of him now so Lesnar can defend his title in the main event without looking over his shoulder all the time. OR DOES HE?

 

Unfortunately Goldberg beats the hell out of Lesnar, then HARDCORE HOLLY runs out to try and get him some .

 

Hardcore Holly Vs Rhyno

I… have no idea why this match is a thing . Oh, according to Cole, this whole feud began THREE NIGHTS AGO .

So this was a match. They wrestled. It was fine. GORE. ALABAMA SLAM. Holly wins.

Wow, absolutely NOTHING else to say on this one . It was fine but… I just didn’t care.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

UNDERTAKER RETURNING AS THE DEAD MAN TEASE VIDEO .

 

Rey Mysterio Vs Chavo Guerrero – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

Wow, I’m willingly going to watch a Chavo Jr match. I must be ill… .

Well I SAID willingly… I just waited FOUR DAYS before actually sitting through it .

Some Mexican boxer or something is out with Rey to counter the fact CHAVO CLASSIC is in Chavo Jr’s corner.

Chavo tries to take Rey’s mask off, so Rey kicks him in the fucking face, beats the shit out of him and sends him running to daddy. Literally . Chavo Jr is such a pussy!

They go back and forth for a little while, then Rey picks up some momentum, hits a 619, and goes for a West Coast Pop only to have Chavo Classic knock him off the arpon. WHILE THE BOXER IN REY’S CORNER JUST WATCHED . He at least knocks out Classic, but the referee sees it and sends him to the back. What a useless cameo .

and after all that, Rey is STILL controlling the match . Could they only afford to have the boxer on TV for so long? Because the entire thing was like Chavo’s existence; pointless.

Chavo eventually gains control and wow I just stop caring. Completely.

Rey starts getting some hope spots in and that’s when the match really picks up and gets good, because you know, REY IS FUCKING AWESOME.

APRON DDT TO CHAVO~!

Rey keeps building momentum, manages to hit another 619 and then almost a West Coast Pop but not quite, as Chavo rolls through into a single leg boston crap, something he’d used on Rey earlier.

Chavo Classic wakes up finally, knocks Rey off the ropes and Chavo manages to get a quick pin and wins the CW title.

Rey was great in this, Chavo bored the fuck out of me. Solid match but not as good as I remembered it being.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Kurt Angle Vs The Big Show Vs John Cena – #1 Contendership for the WWE Championship at WrestleMania

at the “tale of the tape” for this match. Career highlights are on there, with Show and Angle having multiple WWE title reigns and other accomplishments… and then Cena has “PHD in Thuganomics” as his ONLY highlight .

So the match starts and Big Show tells Cena to stay back because he wants KURT ANGLE alone. So Cena just relaxes and laughs as Angle gets thrown around by the giant . Angle sees this and challenges Cena to take on the big man on his own. Same results, with Angle laughing at Cena this time . Angle and Cena get in each other’s face over it and… beat the shit out of each other . Fun start to the match tbh. Better than them automatically just going after Big Show together.

ANGLE TRIES TO HUMP BIG SHOW~!

.

Whole match so far has been Big Show dominating one man at a time while the other sits on the outside waiting for his turn to come back into the match lol. The ever exciting TRIPLE THREAT FORMULA~!

Fucks sake Cena. SELL. He has a fucked knee. Happened at the RR when Show eliminated him. He has a knee strap on it. Show works it over. So what does Cena do on his comeback? DROPKICK. TOP ROPE BIONIC ELBOW. A FUCKING F-U TO THE 500LB BIG SHOW. Well I guess SOMEONE needed to no sell shit while Angle was, ironically, selling on the floor…

FINISHERS~! KICK OUTS~! MAKING SUBMISSION HOLDS LOOK USELESS~!

At least throughout all of this, Big Show CONTINUES to go after Cena’s injured leg. Someone has to remind the guy it’s hurt .

In fact it’s Show’s leg work that comes into play at the end of the match. He slams Cena knee first into the turnbuckle, then Angle shows up from behind, Angle Slam’s Show over the ropes and applies the Ankle Lock to Cena and CENA TAPS OUT. CENA TAPS OUT.

Match isn’t BAD, it’s just average. Show was the absolute WORKHORSE of this match. Was rare we got Cena Vs Angle (save that for next year I guess lol…), so Show worked 90% of the match and was the one on top form with attacking injured body parts and being all GIANT-Y on everyone. Props to him. Angle… honestly wasn’t there much either . Cena was the main problem as he took the biggest beating and was shoddy as fuck with his leg selling.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Brock Lesnar Vs Eddie Guerrero – WWE Championship Match

Been looking forward to this. Picked this PPV as my next Ramble because after watching WM and seeing Bryan overcoming the odds and winning the WWE Championship, I wanted to watch EDDIE do the same from 10 years earlier. Plus I’d already done my WM XX review so seeing Benoit do it was out of the question .

God I still love the story going into this match. I was already a big Eddie fan long before he became the most popular wrestler on the planet, and after knowing everything he’d been through to get back to WWE in 2002, it was impossible for anyone to NOT feel for Eddie and want him to realise his dream of becoming WWE Champion (unless they are a heartless cunt and if so FUCK YOU).

Lesnar was the PERFECT opponent for Eddie at this time too. It’s like LESNAR is a representative of all of Eddie’s demons, and Eddie has to go through this force that many people believe to be UNSTOPPABLE. And that’s how Eddie felt in real life at one point with his demons. So now he gets to redeem himself once more by beating LESNAR and proving he can once again overcome those DEMONS.

Brock is confident as FUCK going into this. He ties up with Eddie and shoves him around, screaming YOU AIN’T NUFFIN at him, all the while Eddie keeps smiling and coming back at the BEAST.

Eddie keeps trying to fight back but Lesnar’s POWER is a real game changer. Fuck me at that SNAP SUPLEX. Eddie bounces half way across the ring on impact.

FUCKING JEBUS. Eddie dives off the ropes to hit a hurricanrana and Lesnar catches him but DROPS HIM ON HIS HEAD like a powerbomb, before lifting him back up and SWINGING HIM AROUND then letting go and sending him halfway across the ring once again.

OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEXES .

RUNNING KNEE TO THE FUCKING FACE while Eddie is in the corner. Lesnar is DOMINATING.

But Eddie is STILL fighting back. He keeps getting some shots in on Lesnar, but right now it isn’t enough.

Eddie catches Lesnar! Knocks him down and drags him over to the ring post to wrap his legs around it! Lesnar tries his best to stop him, but takes a couple of shots to the knee before managing to turn it on Eddie and smash his face into the post .

MUSCLE BUSTER. Only unlike Samoa Joe, Lesnar has visible muscles .

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. Lesnar presses Eddie over his head like he was fucking NOTHING. I mean DAMN, we’ve seen a lot of POWER by wrestlers over the years but fuck me, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone lift someone in the air, that high too, with anywhere near the ease of Lesnar there.

Eddie escapes it and goes RIGHT FOR THE KNEE that he managed to do some minor damage to earlier, but before he can really go to work on the BEAST, Lesnar comes back with a Lariat that would make Stan Hansen proud.

All of Lesnar’s attacks are working over the back and mid-section of Latino Heat. And it all looks awesome too. Overhead belly to bellys, shoulders to the gut, shoulders to the back etc.

Lesnar goes for another running knee to the face in the corner, but Eddie moves and Lesnar goes KNEE FIRST into the turnbuckle and crashes to the floor!!! PLANCHA~! Eddie might have finally found THE opening he needed!!! Back in the ring he goes right for the knee once again! The Beast is in trouble! Latino Heat is building momentum!!!

Aaaannnd then the POWER once again cuts Eddie off, but Brock is hurting now and can’t get back on Eddie as much as he’d like.

Brock is still too cocky, standing over Eddie talking trash, and in similar fashion to what Undertaker does in this position, Eddie suckers Lesnar in and applies a submission! And of course, it’s to the BAD KNEE .

TILT-A-WHIRL INTO A HEADSCISSORS~! LATINO HEAT IS ON FIRE!!!

at Cole when Eddie applies a Figure Four. “BROCK HAS TAPPED OUT TO A SUBMISSION HOLD BEFORE, CAN HE DO IT AGAIN?” What else would he fucking tap out to, you mong? OMG LESNAR JUST TAPPED OUT TO SLAP TO THE FACE~!

Eddie is fucking RELENTLESS with his attack on Lesnar’s knee . He can’t stand toe to toe with Brock, so he’s taking it to the mat where, with an injured knee to help him, he can have a REAL chance of winning even against an accomplished amateur wrestler like Brock.

As usual Brocks POWER comes into play and cuts off Eddie, but Brock is really feeling all that leg work, and isn’t as explosive as before, taking his time between moves and unable to truly capitalise on his own offence.

DIE EDDIE. JUST DIE! Man, a powerful moment in the match as Lesnar, now BLEEDING, is STILL unable to keep Eddie down. Like his battle against drug and alcohol addiction, Eddie IS NOT GIVING UP .

The fans begin to really get behind Eddie, helping him escape the grasp of BROCK and mount what could be his LAST STAND against the WWE Champion .

THREE AMIGOS~! LATINO HEAT IS FIRED UP ONCE AGAIN~! Frog Splash time baby!!!

And Lesnar moves. Eddie crashes and BURNS .

F-5~! But the referee gets caught by Eddie’s legs on the way round! Eddie is down but the referee is OUT! It’s almost like a higher power is giving Eddie another chance, just like in real life!!!

Lesnar brings the title into the ring. The referee is down, and LESNAR is pissed. He’s been pissed for most of this match. He expected to run through Eddie like he was nothing, but Eddie just won’t DIE.

Speaking of running through someone… GOLDBERG SPEARS THE HELL OUT OF LESNAR!!!

Eddie covers!

1…

2…

LESNAR KICKS OUT~!

And then it happens. Eddie looks down and sees the WWE title belt that LESNAR brought into the match, and he just grins from ear to ear . LIE, CHEAT AND STEAL~!

F-5 countered into a DDT… RIGHT ON THE BELT~! Sort of. That’s the intention anyway haha. Either way… LESNAR IS DOWN!!!

FROG SPLASH~! THE COVER!

1…

2…

3!!! YES! EDDIE GUERRERO IS CHAMPION!!!

Eddie had a drug and alcohol addiction. He lost his job. He lost his family. He almost lost his life multiple times. But he came BACK. He overcame his demons. He got his family back. He got his job back. And now he beat BROCK LESNAR and won the WWE CHAMPIONSHIP! Still an emotional match to watch .

Incredible. Just fucking INCREDIBLE.

Rating: ****3/4
CAL SCALE – 8

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 12.5

Armageddon 2004

 

My 50th PPV Ramble (not counting RR’s and WM’s that I’d already done). And my 50th PPV Ramble could be one of the WORST shows I’ll ever have to write about. Yey!

 

RVD & Rey Mysterio Vs Rene Dupree & Kenzo Susuke – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Literally had to wait until Rey made his entrance before I could type his name into the match title. I genuinely don’t remember him and RVD ever being tag team champions .

Oh god didn’t know who their opponents were going to be. Susuke might have been the WORST “new” guy in WWE during 2004. And Dupree can GTFO too.

Great start to this show .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Kurt Angle Vs Santa – Kurt Angle Invitational

Angle has a match later, but apparently wanted to make Santa tap out first. Match ends in 25 seconds. I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TIME TO “NO” IT .

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Mike Mizanin Vs Daniel Puder – Dixie Dog Fight

oh god no.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Hardcore Holly & Charlie Hass Vs The Basham Brothers

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

John Cena Vs Jesus – United States Championship No DQ, Falls Count Anywhere Match

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Miss Jackie Vs Dawn Marie – Special Referee Charlie Hass

Fuck me sideways .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

The Big Show Vs Kurt Angle, Luther Reigns & mark Jindrak

Well, I’ll give this a watch. Show and Angle have had some fun matches in the past.

Show beats up Jindrak, and Angle tags in which is who Show REALLY wants. Show uses his power to shove him across the ring so Angle tags out like a pussy, leaving us with LUTHER REIGNS and Jindrak to work this match… urgh.

Show is knocked down so Angle decides to get him some of the giant… for about 10 seconds before tagging out AGAIN. Urgh.

More dull shit with those 2 other dudes beating down Show, then Angle tags in and… locks in a hold and sits in it.

Big Show makes a comeback, destroys Jindrak and then hits the WEAKEST Irish Whip ever and Reigns takes the worst bump over the ropes from it . Terrible

F-5 FROM THE BIG SHOW!!! Hits Jindrak with it and wins. SCREW YOU LESNAR .

Awful.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Spike Dudley Vs Funaki – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

2 of the least appealing Cruiserweights EVER in WWE…

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

JBL Vs The Undertaker Vs Eddie Guerrero Vs Booker T – WWE Championship Match

A 4 way match for the title… that ISN’T built around 3 guys simply wanting a title match and being thrown together. They all have had beef with JBL in 2004 revolving around the WWE championship. He screwed them all out of wins and cheated his way to a longer reign, and now his ARMAGEDDON IS HERE.

Love JBL in the back before the match just staring at his title, before his “cabinet” all come in to shake his hand and “wish him luck”… basically knowing JBL has no chance in HELL of retaining. Added to the DRAMA of the whole thing .

@ JBL almost in TEARS as Undertaker makes his entrance. He has really gone into this match EXPECTING to lose his WWE title. Poor guy!

Look at the TALENT in this too. And then Booker T. Urgh. Should have been Rey. Switch the two around. Rey in this match would have added AWESOMENESS to it, and Booker/RVD end up being tag partners in 05 I think?

BELL RINGS~! JBL bails immediately. Booker and Eddie go over to the ropes to see what he’s doing, while Undertaker decides to fuck up whoever is left in the ring.

JBL has Booker T pinned for about a 20 count, but the ref is too busy watching Undertaker and Eddie .

JBL IS TRAPPED~! He pinballs around, taking shots from all 3 guys. Undertaker goes for a cover on JBL, forcing Eddie and Booker to double team the Dead Man to try and take him out of the match because he is the biggest threat to everyone no doubt.

Booker T is terrible. He sees JBL covering Eddie… and he still decides to take his fucking time getting in the ring. He was battling Undertaker on the outside, he has no idea what happened. JBL could have hit a CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL. Eddie might have been DONE. And Booker T would have let JBL win then and there because he didn’t want to rush getting in the fucking ring .

A minute later, Undertaker has JBL covered and what happens? EDDIE RUNS OVER TO BREAK IT UP. See, Eddie knows what he’s doing. Then JBL covers Booker and Undertaker punches JBL in the face to break it up. UNDERTAKER knows what he’s doing too. Someone PLEASE explain to me why Booker T got any kind of a push in 2004, resulting in him being in this match?

Everyone fights on the floor, then we end up with EDDIE VS UNDERTAKER ONE ON ONE IN THE RING . These two NEVER had a singles match together, in fact this and a 6 man tag in 2002 is the ONLY time they were in a match together (at the same time, technically they were both in the 03 RR lol).

Dammit, Booker T ruins it all. I guess the UNDERTAKER VS EDDIE part isn’t until later on in the match .

Undertaker goes for Old School on Booker, Eddie runs over to stop it but Undertaker, while on the ropes, KICKS EDDIE IN THE HEAD and then goes for Old School still .

Eddie running away from Undertaker scared as fuck . I think it’s time for EDDIE VS UNDERTAKER part of this match .

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL TO UNDERTAKER ON THE FLOOR~! I guess it’s not quite time yet then .

Instead of UNDERTAKER VS EDDIE we get… JBL Vs Booker T. Urgh.

Eddie senses that everyone is bored shitless with this crap so… LADDER~! Which he… leaves on the outside…

Booker T gets a ton of offense, lands the Axe Kick on Eddie… AND EDDIE KICKS OUT! THANK YOU EDDIE *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*. If he didn’t kick out, Booker T would have been champion. URGH.

JBL tries to powerbomb Booker T through the announce table, but Booker gets caught up in some wires and JBL and lift him too high . Elbow drop breaks the table though .

LAST RIDE TO JBL THROUGH THE OTHER ANNOUNCE TABLE. JBL knows how to take a fucking powerbomb through a table. Fuck you, Booker.

Wait… JBL through a table. Booker through a table. Undertaker left standing… Eddie in the ring… can it be? Is it time?

Eddie realises Undertaker is left standing, so he drops to the mat and plays dead to sucker in the Dead Man!!!

Tombstone, but Eddie is fine and escapes… only to run right into a fucking CHOKESLAM . THE UNDERTAKER IS GONNA DO IT! HE’S GONNA WIN! HE’S GONNA WIN! LAST RIDE SIGNAL .

Las Ride… but Eddie grabbed the WWE title belt! Smashes it in his face! Frog Splash! Another Frog Splash! Undertaker kicks out at 2 and SITS UP . Eddie is shitting himself, tries to escape but gets caught so… LOW BLOW!!!

Oh hey, the LADDER is finally coming into play now! Yey.

FROG SPLASH OFF THE LADDER~! 1…2… JBL DRAGS THE REFEREE OUT OF THE RING!

3 Amigos to JBL! Oh and NOW Booker T decides to break up a fucking count. What a cunt.

CHOKESLAM TO BOOKER~! CHOKESLAM TO EDDIE~! CHOKESLAM TO JBL~! The Dead Man has this one in the fucking BAG.

Undertaker goes for a Tombstone… but HEIDENREICH shows up and attacks Undertaker!

JBL manages to land a Clothesline from Hell (off camera ) to Booker T and RETAINS HIS TITLE while Eddie is down and Heidenreich is beating down Undertaker.

Match… kinda drags mostly. Undertaker Vs Eddie stuff is a million stars, but everything else bar a few parts here and there is slow and dull.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Overall CAL SCALE – -5

Vengeance 2003

 

Time to end a pretty damn BAD PPV year with one of the better shows of the year! Ya know, assuming it holds up .

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs Chris Benoit- United States Championship Tournament Finals Match

Man oh man, what a way to kick off the FIRST Smackdown only PPV! A new title and a match between two of the ALL TIME great wrestlers! Shows new fans EXACTLY what SD was all about at the time!

Love how they make it FEEL like a big time match with the referee getting them both in the middle of the ring and explaining the rules. Adds to the importance of the match and makes it feel like a big boxing match.

And we go from the seriousness of that to Eddie mocking Benoit being blinded last week .

Crowd are HOT for this one, chanting for BOTH men and a smattering of “Eddie sucks” chants too .

Some great sequences between the two as they wrestle for control, with Benoit gaining the first advantage with a BRUTAL shoulder block, forcing Eddie to escape to the floor to stop any momentum Benoit was building. When he feels he’s ready, he gets back in the ring to lock up and this time EDDIE gets the better of Benoit! But unlike Eddie, Benoit doesn’t pussy out of the ring and gets right back into the thick of things!

They continue to battle for dominance, and even throw out a few quick pin attempts before Eddie gets the better of the Wolverine AGAIN and now even Benoit has to back off to the outside to stop momentum just like Eddie had to!

TOMBSTONE ATTEMPT FROM EDDIE? COUNTERED BY BENOIT!!! BENOIT WITH… A SHOULDER BREAKER! And quick as lightning Benoit DIVES at Eddie to try and lock in the Crossface!

Eddie escapes to the outside again, but Benoit is PUMPED UP and hits a suicide dive! No losing momentum this time!

Remember when TAZ was a good commentator? Seriously, there was a time when he was good. Certainly better than Lawler, as far as being a former wrestler EXPLAINING matches. He does a pretty terrific job during this match tbh.

FUCK ME at that back suplex by Eddie. Benoit lands fucking HARD on his head and he definitely looks like he was legit hurt. Eddie tries to pick him up but Benoit pushes him away and Eddie kicks him in the chest a few times before applying an arm bar so he can recover.

THUMB TO THE EYE by Eddie. Why? Because Eddie can be a PRICK when he wants . Unfortunately it just FIRES UP Benoit! SUPERMEGAFUCKINGDESTRUCTIVE BACK SUPLEX FROM THE TOP ROPE! Payback for the back suplex from earlier .

TRIPLE GERMANS~!

THREE AMIGOS~!

SUPERPLEX~! Revenge for the super back suplex!

FROG SPLASH~! BENOIT DOESN’T MOVE ALL THE WAY .

MOTHERFUCKING POWERBOMB~! Not quite Nitro 1995 levels of brutal, but damn that was awesome.

Benoit locks in the Crossface, but Eddie grabs the ropes. Ref has to drag Benoit off and Benoit is fucking PISSED. Eddie charges into Benoit and the poor ref is knocked down.

US TITLE BELT TO BENOIT’S FACE~! FROG SPLASH~! BENOIT KICKS OUT!!! Eddie cannot fucking believe it!

The belt didn’t quite work, so Eddie grabs it, knocks out the referee, places the belt on Benoit then collapses on the mat! One problem… the ref is OUT! Eddie is AWESOME as he tries to revive the referee while still pretending to be knocked out himself . Classic LIE, CHEAT AND STEAL moment .

CROSSFACE~! EDDIE TAPS!!! But no referee still!!! So BENOIT resorts to slapping him to revive him . Poor ref.

Benoit goes for a headbutt, but Eddie has the belt in his hand! The ref tries to remove it, so Eddie drags him in the way of the headbutt!

GORE! GORE! GORE!!! RHYNO JUST GORED THE HELL OUT OF BENOIT!!!

Eddie is as confused as the rest of us, but shrugs and hits a Frog Splash anyway! 3 count! Eddie is the first ever WWE US champ!!!

This match fucking RULES. Still .

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Billy Gunn Vs Jamie Noble – Indecent Proposal Match

if Noble wins, HE GETS TO FUCK TORRIE WILSON .

Noble brings out a briefcase of SEX TOYS .

The sad thing is, I already had that pic uploaded .

Taz to Cole: “HE’S GOT YOUR BRIEFCASE OMG!!!”

Billy Gunn does a STING from the… GAB 92 match I think? Where he STINGER SPASHES himself head first into the ring post like a chump. Except Billy Gunn doesn’t lose the match from that. So that means… Gunn > Sting?

at Noble MISSING a dropkick, but Gunn selling it anyway .

Leg work from Noble. Love those big kicks he lands, but he keeps going for the same thing and Billy JUMPS out of the way with his other leg and hits the ONE AND ONLY.

Unique neckbreaker from Gunn looked pretty fecking awesome. Goes for the Fameasser but his leg prevents him from hitting it, so what does he do? RKO .

Noble has survived Billy’s finisher from 2000-2001 AND an RKO. HE REALLY WANTS TO FUCK TORRIE!!!

DDT from the ropes!!! Noble has got this one in the bag… but Nidia puts Gunn’s leg on the ropes! She don’t want her man fucking another women! Torrie and Nidia both try to get involved on behalf of Gunn, but that injured leg comes back to haunt the ASS MAN… AND NOBLE WINS! NOBLE WINS! NOBLE WINS!!!

And then this whole thing ends with a FOUR WAY on SD . Solid match.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

DIS FUNAKI, SMUCKDAN NUM WAN ANNONCUR! He’s interviewing the APA about their INVITATIONAL BAR ROOM BRAWL MATCH! Funaki gets invited to the match! OMG THE EASTER BUNNY~!

 

Bradshaw Vs Farooq Vs Shannon Moore Vs Doink the Clown Vs Brother Love Vs Nunzio Vs Matt Hardy Vs Chris Kanyon Vs Danny Basham Vs Doug Basham Vs The Easter Bunny Vs Sean O’Haire Vs John Hennigan Vs Orlando Jordan Vs Funaki Vs Los Conquistadores Vs The Brooklyn Brawler Vs Johnny Stamboli Vs Chuck Palumbo Vs Matt Cappotelli Vs Spanky – APA Invitational Bar Room Brawl

at Spanky dancing on the bar to everyone’s entrance music.

Used wiki to get the names of everyone involved so no idea how accurate it actually is .

JUST BECAUSE I LOOOOOOOVE YOU, DOESN’T MEAN I LIKE YOU! Brother Love rules. Everyone go watch his 6 hour shoot.

at Sean O’Haire laughing his arse off in the background. BROTHER LOVE TAKES OUT 2 JOBBERS WITH A BAR STOOL~!

Oh man this is just pure FUN. A bunch of guys beating the shit out of each other on a bar set. Broken glass, broken tables, broken stools, broken pool cues and BROKEN BODIES .

Funaki manages to last until the final four by sitting on a stool drinking the entire match . Bradshaw does to level him with a bar stool, but poor Funaki collapses in a drunken state .

Brother Love gets taken out by Bradshaw and despite the fact FAROOQ IS STOOD NEXT TO HIM… Bradshaw wins? Apparently Farooq was knocked out already? Oh well .

FUN .

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

at Noble drooling all over Torrie’s playboy magazine .

 

Rey Mysterio & Billy Kidman Vs The World’s Greatest Tag Team – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

LOL at Shelton taking Rey to the mat and basically trying to dry hump him .

Rey and Kidman try to use their flippy offence to keep Shelton and Hass from using their superior mat skills, but Hass and Benjamin are also the bigger guys in the match and can use some POWER combined with their mat skills to avoid some of those high flying moves and work over Rey Rey.

Hot tag to Kidman and we get a great sequence with Rey preventing the… that double team move WGTT do, allowing Kidman to counter and set up Hass in the ring for a 619. Rey gets in the ring, tries to run the ropes and Shelton puts a stop to the 619 in the same way Rey stopped him moments earlier!

Kidman takes a sick back bump off the ring post and WGTT are like sharks smelling blood in the water, going right after the back with some good back work .

Tag to Rey… but the referee doesn’t see it!!! Ha. MOAR great back work .

POWERBOMB by Shelton!

Shelton goes for a second Powerbomb, but Kidman counters and makes the tag! at Rey doing a flip over the ropes and just kinda… kicking Shelton in the face. Think it was supposed to be a version of the West Coast Pop but the flip added into it meant he couldn’t really land right .

WEST COAST POP FOR REALSIES THIS TIME~! But Kidman has the referee distracted by mistake and Shelton charges at Mysterio’s head with his boot! 2 count only!!!

Hass is set up on the ropes, Rey runs at him, Kidman throws him in the air and Mysterio lands a Hurricanrana!!! 1…2… KICK OUT! Crowd chant “BULLSHIT” at it because fuck me that was CLOSE .

REVERSE DOOMSDAY DEVICE~! Benjamin got a blind tag while Rey was on Hass’ shoulders going for a Hurricanrana and lands a clothesline! 3 count! WGTT retain!

Great match no doubt. Like it more than my last watch. Last time I thought it was more spotty than good tag wrestling, but there was plenty of good tag shit in this for me to and combine that with some great moves, it ends up being a match I like a lot. Better than the more highly praised NM 02 tag match.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Sable Vs Stephanie McMahon – No Countout Cat Fight

Remember when Stephanie ripped Sable’s top off and her tits fell out? We all do. And they show it again before the match .

FAP FAP FAP STEPHANIE’S RING ATTIRE .

Sable stays on the floor posing rather than getting in the ring, so Stephanie charges after her instead! WEDGY~!

Sable ends up kicking the shit out of Stephanie, but almost gets rolled up for a 3 count after doing her Sable grind while stood over Miss McMahon.

STEPHANIE TRYING TO KILL SABLE WITH A STEEL CHAIR~! But the ref takes it away. Man, these two are really SNUG wih the offence lol. Real slaps and those ELBOWS look great too. These two are having a better executed match than most divas today who apparently train day in and day out and have matches multiple times a week .

SABLE’S TITS~! Bah, the damn referee gives her his t-shirt . And while he does that, fucking A-TRAIN RUNS OVER STEPHANIE! Sable wins!

Good match!

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

The Undertaker Vs John Cena

“EVERYBODY GOTTA LEARN THE HARD WAY” Man the build up for this was sweeeet. Now if only we could get that fucking WRESTLEMANIA MATCH with them…

Undertaker just sat on his bike at the top of the ramp, making Cena WAIT, playing those MIND GAMES with him . Then he leaves his bike at the top of the ramp and slowly WALKS down to Cena. Cena is gonna have to think about what’s coming that little bit longer.

BITCH SLAP TO THE UNDERTAKER~! Cena ain’t no smart guy.

THOSE FUCKING PUNCHES . Referee shits himself when he tries to get ‘Taker out of the corner and Undertaker confronts him. God I love that spot in Undertaker matches .

BODY SHOTS~! Undertaker is picking apart those RIBS of Cena. Wants him to HURT.

The Undertaker is slowly picking apart Cena, beating some RESPECT into the rookie. PUNCH TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD~!

Cena is getting the beating of his life. Basically gets ZERO offence for the first 5 minutes or so. OLD SCHOOL~! CHOKESLAM~! Cena takes an AWESOME bump off the Chokeslam.

1…2… UNDERTAKER PULLS HIM UP. He ain’t done with him yet. LAST RIDE! Cena counters into a DDT!

Cena knows the DDT won’t be enough to put the Dead Man away, so while the ref is checking on him, Cena decides to expose one of the top turnbuckles! But he is having trouble taking if off, allowing Undertaker to recover and get back to beating the absolute SHIT out of the disrespectful little shit.

The turnbuckle finally gets exposed and Undertaker flies shoulder first into it! Now Cena can try and mount an offence, and he does it by targeting UNDERTAKER’S RIBS, repaying the Dead Man for what happened in the early part of the match! UNDERTAKER IS BLEEDING INTERNALLY!!!

Cena works the rib area nicely, with knees, kicks and big right hands. Undertaker keeps trying to make a comeback, but Cena continues to cut him off thanks to those injured ribs.

at how Undertaker sells the ribs on the leaping lariat, not even really jumping because it hurts too much . Crazy to think how one of the best sellers is also a guy who for most of his career has been a Dead Man/Zombie dude who no sells shit.

CHAIN TO UNDERTAKER’S RIBS~! CENA IS STALKING UNDERTAKER, SETTING UP FOR THE F-U!!! IT’S OVER!!!

NO! UNDERTAKER KICKS OUT!!! Cena is beyond pissed! And when you get pissed off, you make MISTAKES, and Cena makes one HUGE mistake by mounting Undertaker in the corner and getting a LAST RIDE! This one is done, but Cena was THIS FUCKING CLOSE to putting away the Dead Man!!!

Awesome, awesome match. The early beating on Cena is great, with Undertaker doing what he said he was gonna do; beat some respect out of Cena. Cena managed to capitalise one ONE mistake by Undertaker and that’s all it took for him to bust those ribs up and make UNDERTAKER PAY. And just like Cena capitalised one ONE mistake, Undertaker did the same only Cena’s was far worse and ended the match. A wonderful performance by Undertaker as both the BAD ASS guy destroying this young rookie, and the FIP selling the absolute shit out of his ribs. And Cena did a great job bumping around for the Dead Man, then looked great on offence and working over such a legend. Think I like this more than the Angle match from No Mercy tbh.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Vince McMahon Vs Zach Gowen

Oh man, 2003 was the year of Vince being the BIGGEST PRICK EVER. He tried to kill Hogan, then he moves on to this match against a ONE LEGGED KID, and then he round out the year by beating the shit out of his own DAUGHTER and buries Undertaker alive .

Vince is fucking DOMINATING A KID WITH ONE LEG and he clearly states he’s enjoying it . Vince is the greatest.

GOWEN MAKING A COMEBACK~! He’s bouncing around on one leg and taking it to Mr McMahon!!!

But it ain’t enough, and Vince is working over the leg of Gowen . WHAT A CUNT .

Vince is just pure EVIL and I’m loving every second of this . What a guy.

a “GOT LEGS?” sign .

HALF BOSTON CRAB~! Or is it a normal Boston Crab…? I dunno .

Gowen starts to… Gowen up or something, with some kicks to VINCE’S LEG, then begins a comeback by basically throwing himself leg first at Vince!!!

Now it’s VINCE’S TURN to feel the pain! BALLS INTO THE RING POST!

MOONSAULT~!

Vince is in real trouble now, he’s limping and hurting, so he decides to be an even BIGGER CUNT by bringing in a steel chair!!! The ref tries to take it away but ends up FLYING through the ropes to the floor. WHAT A REF BUMP!!

Gowen dropkicks the chair into McMahon’s head! VINCE IS FUCKING GUSHING BLOOD!!! Gowen goes for a twisting Moonsault, but misses and Vince covers for a 3 count.

Fun match with lots of good in it… BUT it does drag a bit. Goes 14 minutes, only 2 minutes less than Cena/Undertaker. Probably should have been 10 minutes or so instead imo.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Brock Lesnar Vs Kurt Angle Vs The Big Show – WWE Championship Match

CHOKESLAM TO LESNAR IN A MINUTE~! BIG SHOW GONNA WIN THE TITLE!! Bah, Angle broke it up .

“HOLY ASS HAIR” WTF Taz?

Big Show is on fucking FIRE early on. He knows he has to keep Angle and Lesnar away from each other because they’ll just double team him. He almost beat Lesnar in a minute and now he’s mauling Angle while keeping Lesnar out of the ring too .

TIN FOIL TRASH CAN LIDS~! Big Show gets beaten to death with them or something . Angle and Lesnar try to double suplex Show, but he reverses it into a double suplex of his own! Show goes for a double chokeslam, but Lesnar and Angle double chokeslam BIG SHOW!!!

Lesnar goes for a cover, but Angle drags him off and now it’s time for these two to GET IT ON!!!

F-5 TO ANGLE!!! He rolls out of the ring, leaving Show to take an F-5 too!!! Lesnar gonna retain!!! Lesnar gonna retain!!!

NO!!! ANGLE PULLS THE REFEREE OUT!

ANGLE IS BLEEDING~! From uhhh… I saw him get thrown BACK FIRST into the steel steps so fuck knows when he got busted open . I might have blinked and missed it.

at Taz talking about HOOKERS in the ring.

at Big Show trying to climb the ropes to superplex Lesnar.

LESNAR ESCAPES AND HITS A FUCKING RUNNING POWERBOMB TO BIG SHOW. A FUCKING RUNNING POWERBOMB. TO THE BIG SHOW. HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!

Angle being busted open puts him at a disadvantage so he brings in a steel chair to even up the odds, and decks everyone with it!!! Until Show kicks it back in his face .

SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE~! ANGLE SLAM TO BIG SHOW~! THE TABLE IS DEAD~!

With Big Show out of it, it’s down to Angle and Lesnar, who is now also busted open! WM main event rematch coming up!!!

Man, Angle is fucking ROCKING Lesnar with those rights to the face! Underrated puncher back in the day was Kurt.

GOOD GOD. THAT RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX. DAMN!!!

SLEEPER HOLD . Wait… what? Great. A sleeper/body scissors in a fucking TRIPLE THREAT MATCH. Way to suck the life out of the match, Brock.

BIG SHOW IS BACK!!! Double Chokeslam incoming! HE HITS IT!! Covers Lesnar, but he kicks out!!! Covers Angle, but Brock breaks it up!

Ha, great Ankle Lock spot. Angle is on fire again and looks UNSTOPPABLE! Angle Slam to Big Show! Angle Slam to Lesnar! 1…2..3!!! New Champion!!!

Great triple threat match. Yeah, still follows the usual formula of “2 guys in, 1 guy out”, but they work it better than most matches tend to do, and other than the sleeper spot, there was always something going one without it feeling overly spotty.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 23.5

Survivor Series 2003

 

“I’VE BEEN CHOSEN TO BURY THE UNDERTAKER ALIVE”

 

Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, John Cena, Bradshaw & Harcore Holly Vs Brock Lesnar, The Big Show, A-Train, Nathan Jones & Matt Morgan – Survivor Series Elimination Match

This one starts off as a giant brawl when Hardcore Holly jumps Lesnar and beats the fuck out of him, throws a referee to the ground and ends up getting DQ’d . Eliminated BEFORE THE MATCH EVEN BEGINS . HOW DOES THAT WORK?!?!

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL~! A-Train id DONE less than a minute later .

CHOKESLAM~! Bradshaw is eliminated… less than a minute later .

3 ELIMINATIONS IN ABOUT 2 MINUTES .

Cean just speared Lesnar’s KNEE .

Cena playing the FIP in a tag match. That ain’t something we see these days .

LESNAR AND BENOIT GETTING IT ON . I should re-watch their SD match again at some point. Just for the hell of it.

Man, how is a match with LESNAR AND SHOW dominating BENOIT boring? Amazed they managed it here…

Man, Morgan might suck but he takes a good German Suplex for a big guy lol.

Nathan Jones accidentally boots Morgan in the face and then FALLS OVER MORGAN

Morgan is eliminated with an Angle Slam.

ANKLE LOCK TO NATHAN JONES~! He taps out. He doesn’t want a broken ankle like he got a broken arm during an arm wrestling contest during a mid-90’s Worlds Strongest Man competition .

F-5 TO ANGLE RIGHT AFTER JONES GOT ELIMINATED~! ANGLE IS OUT!

CROSSFACE TO LESNAR~! LESNAR FUCKING TAPS!!!

Both team captains have been eliminated already lol. Big Show left alone to fight Cena and Benoit.

Cena makes a blind tag, decks Show with his chain, hits an F-U and wins.

This is… a clusterfucky mess. A bunch of quick eliminations, boring control segment followed by more quick eliminations. LOL. WHO THE FUCK BOOKED THIS SHIT?

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Vince randomly visits Shane backstage and says he feels like he’s being protected by a higher power. Then he meets Austin in a hallway and they both burst out laughing at each other before Austin looks mad. And then leaves. I see why the opener had so many quick eliminations. We needed time for this…

 

Lita Vs Molly Holly – Women’s Championship Match

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

Also, no thanks.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Shane McMahon Vs Kane – Ambulance Match

Shane launches himself at Kane, with both going over the ropes and holy FUCK it looks like Kane doesn’t bend, instead stays stiff and falls over the ropes and lands on his head .

STEEL STEPS ON KANE’S FACE~! STEEL CHAIR TO STEEL STEPS~! TV MONITOR TO KANE’S HEAD~!

Is this match rushed for time too lol? First couple minutes we see Kane land on his head, get attacked by steps and a chair, tv monitor to his head a few times and then a giant elbow drop through a fucking table .

Kane SITS UP from all that and… Shane runs away? Kane follows and they end up backstage somewhere and Shane manages to sneak up from behind and attacks Kane with a Kendo Stick…

then Shane gets in a car, HITS KANE AND SEND HIM THROUGH SOME RANDOM SECURITY BOOTH . That was the most hilarious thing EVER.

Shane calls for the ambulance from the… walkie talkie he randomly has… and KANE NO SELLS EVERYTHING STILL .

another camera dies.

Shane goes head first into the Ambulance and cracks the windscreen with the back of his head… and NO SELLS IT .

Kane is selling a shot to the face from an Ambulance door more than BEING RUN OVER AND THROWN THROUGH A GLASS WINDOW .

after EVERYTHING Shane has done to Kane so far… he realises it wasn’t enough so… he brings out the dreaded TIN FOIL GARBAGE CAN .

Awesome bump from Shane diving off the Ambulance and landing on… a cardboard box, smashing the tin foil can in Kane’s face.

again Kane sells THAT more than BEING RUN OVER AND KNOCKED THROUGH A GLASS WINDOW .

HUGE “Shane O Mac” chant as Kane lobs Shane into the side of the Ambulance over and over again.

TOMBSTONE ON THE FLOOR. And this is finally fucking over.

Fuck me what a shitty fucking piece of shit this match is . SPOT! NO SELL! SPOT! NO SELL! SPOT! NO SELL! SPOT! NO SELL!

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Coach comes out and does something or something. I dunno. I skipped it.

 

Evolution backstage. Orton runs in and sounds like he has BIG NEWS… but gets distracted by all the hot women in the room. 2 of them pinch his nipples .

 

The Basham Brothers Vs Los Guerreros – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Urgh, that damn shemale is out with the Bashams.

Thankfully EDDIE is involved in this match. Hopefully he can drag 3 talentless fucks to something watchable.

So EDDIE takes care of BOTH Bashams all on his own early on, until that moron Chavo accidentally distracts the ref and allows the Bashams to double team Eddie. Fucks sake Chavo, piss off already…

Hot tag to Chavo quicker than I would have liked, and Chavo runs in with dropkicks and attempts some EDDIE offence but fails miserably . Then he gets fucks up and EDDIE has to save his arse.

they do a “switch” with Doug and Danny, but the guy that came in gets IMMEDIATELY kicked out of the ring anyway, making the whole thing pointless . Then EDDIE frog splashes the shemale and Chavo spanks him because Chavo likes shemales.

Roll up and Chavo gets pinned because he’s useless.

Fuck me this was horrible outside of EDDIE . Bashams were awful, Chavo was awful, the shemale was awful.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Shawn Michaels, Booker T, RVD & The Dudley Boys Vs Mark Henry, Randy Orton, Christian, Chris Jericho & Scott Steiner – If Team Austin wins, he can beat people up any time he wants. If Team Bischoff wins, Austin is fired

Finally, a match on this show that I already know doesn’t outright SUCK. I always thought it was overrated, but still considered it to be great. As long as it holds up I’ll be happy. And who knows, maybe I’ll like it more this time around.

Team Austin bounces around a couple of Team Bischoff guys to start things off, then STEINER gets in against RVD who starts throwing kicks at BIG POPPA PUMP, and Scotty is all “fuck this shit, SUPLEX”. Very nearly eliminated RVD with a super overhead belly to belly .

Bah, Booker T gets a tag. Ha, he runs into a clothesline from STEINER.

Booker with an AXE KICK to Scotty, then the rest of Team Bischoff enter the ring and get mauled by Booker T’s shitty offence before Team Austin piles in for a BRAWL~!

LOW BLOW~! STEINER RECLINER~! FAP FAP STACY ON THE APRON BOUNCING AROUND CHEERING FOR BOOKER T EVEN THOUGH SHE’S STEINER’S MANAGER OR SOMETHING~! Dudley’s save her (ha, she used to manage them) with that reverse 3-D type move that fucks me off because any time they do it the retarded fans in the audience scream “THREEE DEEEEE!” at it even though it’s clearly NOT A FUCKING THREE DEE YOU PRICKS.

Steiner gets eliminated by Booker, then he turned right around into a WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM . Henry takes care of the Book Man!!! Now it’s time for HENRY TO FUCKING DOMINATE .

FUCKING HENRY, MAN. Dudley’s try to double team him and he just FUCKS THEM BOTH UP instead!!!

Man, when HENRY is on, he’s the fucking MAN.

3-D to Henry. 5 Star Frog Splah. Dudley’s and RVD pile on and manage to get a 3 count on Henry . BOOOOOOOOOO. At least he looked fucking STRONG in defeat lol. 2 finishers and 3 men to pin him. Wish he’d stuck around though.

Sweet jebus at that clothesline from Orton to RVD. Watching old Orton stuff makes me sad to see how far he’s gone down over the last 5 or so years . His clotheslines went from being epic to being the most robotic shit ever.

RKO~! RVD IS GONE!!! YEY!!!

LOL Devon gets eliminated from a… uhhh.. neckbreaker thingy or something .

HBK TAGGED INTO THE MATCH FOR THE FIRST TIME!

at Sign Guy…

Bubba gets a low blow and the UNPRETTIER and is pinned while HBK stands on the apron doing fuck all. BREAK UP THE PIN YOU DUMB FUCK!!!

Now HBK is all alone with 3 opponents left. Serves him right.

Lots of “distract the ref while the other 2 team up on HBK” stuff going on, and at one point Christian sends Shawn head first into the ring post and HBK is GUSHING.

Christian tries to go to work on a bloodied HBK and… gets superkicked in the face . Christian is gone .

Shawn is getting beat down by the remaining 2 men from Team Bischoff, but he won’t stay down! He keeps fighting back and getting some offence in, then counters a Walls of Jericho into a roll up and eliminated Y2J!!!

Orton and HBK are the final 2, but before Jericho leaves, he smashes a steel chair over the head of Shawn!!!

MASSIVE crossbody from Orton, but Shawn moves and the poor referee gets DESTROYED. Shawn slowly pulls himself up with the help of the ropes, and begins to tune up the band!!!

He moves in for the kill and BISCHOFF kicks him!!! Austin has had enough, he takes out Bischoff and nails Orton with a Stunner!!! He fights Bischoff up the entrance ramp, meanwhile BATISTA shows up, Batista Bombs HBK and Orton gets the win! Austin is FIRED!!!

Great match still, so it definitely held up, but I do think it does get overrated, especially HBK’s performance at the end. Yeah, he did a good job selling the effects of being busted open and being in a 3 on 1 situation, but honestly I don’t think it’s anything THAT special. Shawn himself has done a better job, and honestly there wasn’t THAT much time from when HBK gets busted open to when the match ends, especially considering he has THREE opponents left to go through. He was CONSTANTLY fighting back and was never really in THAT much danger. I probably would have liked this more had Christian, Jericho and Orton really got a control segment over Shawn.

Also, HENRY should have been one of the last guys to be eliminated. A bloodied HBK having to take out HENRY? That would have made this thing AWESOME.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

The Undertaker Vs Vince McMahon – Buried Alive Match

Vince stands toe to toe with Undertaker, with a huge grin on his face as he believes a HIGHER POWER is watching over him. So Undertaker punches him in the face, and Vince is fucking BLEEDING after about 4 shots!!!

Undertaker is destroying, mauling, MURDERING Vince McMahon on live PPV . Multiple shots to the head, smashing his balls into the ring post a few times and choking him out with some cable. Vince McMahon is paying for his sins.

@ Undertaker punching Vince in the face… with a tv monitor!!! “WE’RE JUST GETTING STARTED” .

Seems Undertaker is bored with the weapons and ringside, and heads up to the grave site to bring back a fucking SHOVEL!!! RIGHT TO THE FUCKING FACE~!

STEEL STEPS TO THE ANKLE~! Throwback to 1998?

Undertaker picks up Vince McMahon and carries him over to the grave, where Vince manages to throw dirt in the Dead Man’s eyes and land a low blow! SHOVEL TO UNDERTAKER! UNDERTAKER FELL IN THE GRAVE!!!

But Undertaker is basically fresh and can recover quick enough, and throws VINCE in the grave! He heads to the digger to try and empty the dirt over Vince and… FIREBALL!!!

THAT’S GOTTA BE… THAT’S GOTTA BE KANE!! KANE PUTS UNDERTAKER IN THE GRAVE, VINCE HEADS TO THE DIGGER AND THE DIRT DROPS, COVERING UNDERTAKER ENTIRELY!!!

THE UNDERTAKER HAS JUST BEEN BURIED ALIVE!!! VINCE WINS!!!

So this ruled more than I used to think. Undertaker destroying Vince is soooo much fun.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Goldberg Vs Triple H – World Heavyweight Championship Match

A MAN GETTING BURIED ALIVE DOESN’T EVEN MAIN EVENT THIS SHOW .

HHH put a “hit” out on Goldberg. Batista “shattered” his ankle. Luckily HHH is still suffering from that torn penis so that just evens shit up .

Goldberg goes after BOTH HHH and Flair before the bell even rings and lands a SPEAR on HHH!!! The bell finally rings and Goldberg continues to kill HHH on the outside.

Goldberg has an injured ANKLE… so HHH targets… the knee . Then Flair actually gets some shots in on the ANKLE and HHH must have seen it because he finally targets THE CORRECT PART of the body .

So HHH stomps at Goldberg’s ankle, Goldberg tries a power move to do a comeback, HHH goes back after the ankle, rinse and repeat until the REF BUMP where the Sledgehammer, brass knucks and Evolution all get involved.

Goldberg takes care of Evolution, then throws away the Sledgehammer and SPEARS HHH, followed by the Jackhammer and this is over, thankfully. GOOD GOD ALMIGHT WHO’S YOUR DADDY TONIGHT?

Dull and shitty. And this main evented OVER A MAN GETTING BURIED ALIVE? Fuck this company.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 5

Armageddon 2003

 

Armageddon is here… but will I survive it?

 

Mark Henry Vs Booker T

Ooooo, starting the show off with MARK HENRY? Show might have something worthwhile after all!

His opponent is Booker T? Well this might not be that good…

Love how this SINGLES match is a follow up from a STREET FIGHT .

Booker T has been mauled and destroyed in recent weeks so I like him going right after Henry and just blasting him in the face and clubbing the shit out of his back.

HENRY STRENTH~! Puts a stop to any Booker T offence. Which is awesome. Because fuck Booker T offence .

Hmmmm, Booker actually looks GOOD in this early on. He’s using a mix of his superior speed and VETERAN INSTINCTS to try and keep Henry at bay and ground him, hopefully taking the STRENGTH out of the equation.

TEDDY DISTRACTION~!

now we get to see Henry dominate Booker. Awesome backbreaker, followed up with a modified Bow and Arrow submission which looks NASTY and is one of the less dull holds that Henry could have used (thankfully. Last thing we need is a damn NERVE GRIP lol).

Ahhh fuck, SLEEPER HOLD. Come on Mark, you better than this homie. Yeah a sleeper from HENRY looks more brutal than a small guy, but it’s still just someone sat in a hold taking up time. Yey it doesn’t last long!

Motherfucker, bear hug. STOP IT NOW, MARK.

Again thankfully the hold isn’t applied for long. I guess I’d rather have 3 submission holds for very short periods with Booker making a comeback only to be cut off over one stupidly long hold.

THAT FUCKING CLOTHESLINE . Booker T is DEAD.

Booker T starts to come back, landing some huge kicks but can’t budge the World’s Strongest Man.

AXE KICK~!

HENRY KICKS OUT!!!

SPINEBUSTER BY HENRY. Surprised the ring held up on that one tbh lol.

Henry is back to just mauling Booker . But Booker refuses to stay down!

POWERBOMB… SORT OF! Looked like Henry got Booker up but Booker slipped off and just landed as if he’d been powerbombed lol. Luckily it wasn’t botched to all hell with him landing on his neck.

AXE KICK #2~!

Henry is defeated. Good match! I kinda wanna check out their street fight now.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

FOLEY~! He’s got 1 million signatures for the “give Austin his job back” petition or something. Brings out FAP FAP STACY in a cheerleader outfit to celebrate. FOLEY IS GOD.

 

Orton and Flair interrupt. Booooo. More Stacy’s ass, less Randy Orton and Flair please. Blah Blah Blah Orton saying stuff. Foley is the referee for the Orton/RVD match? Don’t remember that at all lol. Foley decides the match is happening now.

 

RVD Vs Randy Orton – Intercontinental Championship Match – Special Referee Mick Foley

Lol, RVD does his “R. V. D.” pose, Orton tries to kick him, gets caught and RVD sweeps his legs and punches him in the face a few times .

I’ve never liked RVD as much as I do right now. First 5 minutes of this match see RVD absolutely destroy Orton . KICKS~! FLIPS~! MOAR KICKS~!

Then I end up liking Orton for shoving RVD off the ropes face first into the barricade .

It’s just fun watching both of these man take a beating .

that fucking DROPKICK on the outside. Rare I mark for a sodding DROPKICK lol, but that was done to perfection!!!

RVD getting choked on the ropes is the FUNNIEST THING EVER. He’s spazzing out, making fast noises and making Cena look like a good actor .

FLAIR AND FOLEY STAND OFF .

Orton is wrestling this match nice and smartly, targeting the HEAD of RVD which is injured or something from a top rope RKO the week before maybe? I forget.

FUCKING CLOTHESLINES~! Orton is bringing out plenty of sick looking clotheslines and RVD is bumping awesomely for all of them.

Plenty of varied offence from the LEGEND KILLER in this one as he continues to go after the head, but at the same time he does keep going back to that DAMN HEADLOCK.

Good comeback from RVD, his offence looks decent against Orton, though that might be because 90% of the kicks to the face look like they legitimately connect .

DDT FROM THE ROPES~!

RVD kicks out but he is FUCKED from the DDT still. Good selling of his head.

FLAIR tries to nail RVD with brass knucks, but Foley intercepts! RVD is distracted enough though for Orton to dropkick him off the ropes!

RKO~!

NEW IC CHAMP~!

Great match. Could have done with less of the headlock, but everything else was damn good. RVD selling his head actually shocked me, he’s one of those guys to fucking ignore limb work and shit as he goes into the finishing stretch.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Chris Jericho & Christian Vs Trish Stratus & Lita

Jericho and Christian make a bet over 1 Canadian dollar that they can nail either Trish or Lita first. Trish is falling for Jericho but finds out about the bet. Match is made .

Jericho though is having regrets because he realises he does actually have feelings for Trish.

TRISH & LITA FAP FAP TAG TEAM.

Trish slaps the shit out of Jericho, so Jericho grabs her and… SPANKS HER . I’m sure that’ll help…

Jericho is trying to prevent Trish from hurting him while not actually doing anything to her, so CHRISTIAN tags himself and and shoves Trish half way across the ring and dares LITA to get in the match .

HEADBUTT TO CHRISTIAN .

LITA is dominating Christian. And not in the way he wants .

Jericho nails LITA from behind… but not in the way he wants . Seems Jericho has no problem beating up LITA. Bastard. YOU LEAVE HER ALONE!!!

CHRISTIAN STRIPPING LITA~!

What a CREEPY LITTLE BASTARD. Though I don’t blame him .

HOT TAG TO TRISH~! Which goes nowhere because, you know, women Vs man .

FUCK ME at that Clothesline to Trish. Christian damn near killed her.

LITACANRANA~!

Jericho smashes her against a wall. But not in the way he wants to .

ROLL UP TO TRISH BY CHRISTIAN~! This is done lol.

What a crazy match, but you know what? IT’S ACTUALLY FUCKING GOOD. I swear to god.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Shawn Michaels Vs Batista

Orton had an AWFUL match with Shawn at Unforgiven. If Batista has a better match I’ll .

Shawn sticking and moving early on, jabbing away at Batista and avoiding the POWER of the jacked up newbie.

Batista is PISSED. I guess I understand, can’t imagine being jabbed in the face is much fun .

Shawn keeps chipping away at Batista, which makes the beast ANGRY and prone to make mistakes, so FLAIR has to calm him down on the outside. The whole Evolution thing was such an awesome idea. HHH as the “main eventer” doing what he does, then 2 rookies with FLAIR always in their corner to give them advice and wisdom well beyond their years. A perfect dynamic.

this is looking INFINATELY better than the Orton/HBK match. HBK looks like the veteran, meanwhile Batista uses his POWER to overcome his inexperience and Flair on the outside is always there to throw him some advice. Match has a structure and a story, unlike the Orton match that was a pure MESS.

BACK WORK~!

Everything Batista does is BASIC AS SHIT… but it all looks damn good, and HBK sells everything like he’s in the worst pain ever. Shame HBK has to kip up TWICE despite the back work lol.

CHOKE COUNTERED INTO A DDT~! Nice callback to the build up of this match, where Batista picked up HBK with a double handed choke and caused INTERNAL BLEEDING. HBK knew it was coming this time and countered.

ELBOW DROP~!

HBK is tuning up the band!!!

SUPERKICK COUNTERED INTO A SPINEBUSTER~!

ANOTHER SPINEBUSTER~! Shawn’s back is fucked!!!

Batista shows his greenness here though, taking his time between moves and slowly picking up HBK for a Powerbomb, giving old HBK time to counter into a superkick!!! HBK wins!!!

Yeah this was GOOD!!! This entire event so far is shocking the absolute FUCK out of me. Blows the Orton/HBK match out of the water.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Maven Vs Matt Hardy

I think this might be the beginning of the end for this PPV.

Batista is still in the ring pissed off that he lost, so Matt and Maven start their match on the ramp .

Matt throws Maven into the ring and Batista takes his frustration out on the Tough Enough winner . And I think that’s the end of this .

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

La Resistance Vs The Hurricane & Rosey Vs Lance Cade & Mark Jindrak Vs Val Venis & Lance Storm Vs The Dudley Boys Vs Scott Steiner & Test Vs Batista & Ric Flair – World Tag Team Championship Tag Team Turmoil Match

ROSEY IS THE SHIT! Literally . SUPER HERO IN TRAINING~!

poor Hurricane…

Holy fuck at Rosey just dumping (get it, SHIT, dumping… LOL) one of the Frenchies to the floor. Hurricane and Rosey eliminate La Resistance, then get jumped from behind by Jindrak and Cade and rolled up for the win in seconds!

STORM AND VENIS. What an odd pairing…

Storm is in the middle… beginning… I don’t know exactly… of his “trying not to be boring” run. So he does a couple of “flashy” moves and poses for the fans, then gets decked in the face .

Fun little match between these two teams, with Cade & Jindrak cheating to victory.

THE DUDLEY BOYS~! The tag champs are here!

Bubba goes to clothesline Cade, and he really leans forward with it to get more POWER into the move, but Cade moves and Bubba just falls into the roles like a retard .

Sweet LARIAT from Jindrak.

Bubba CRASHES into the steel steps, sending the top half right into the fucking camera man I think .

3-D~! Bubba and D-Von are confused as to who the legal man is and both cover .

I forgot Steiner and Test ended up teaming after battling all year over who gets to fuck Stacy. Guess they decided on each other?

Weakest. Elbow drop. Ever.

Fuck me this is DULL. Val/Storm Vs Cade/Jindrak was the best part of all this. Should have given them 15 minutes to do their shit.

Dudley’s retain their belts until…

I’M BACK, AND BETTER THAN EVER!!! Bischoff adds Batista & Flair to the match!!!

BATISTA BOMB~! New tag team champions!!!

Overall the match sucks. Like I said, Val/Storm Vs Cade/Jindrak was the best part of all this.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Molly Holly Vs Ivory – WWE Women’s Championship Match

Wow, my first NO for the event! I’m still shocked how good this show has been overall so far despite the last match and now me skipping this.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Goldberg Vs Kane Vs Triple H – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Oh boy. I don’t see this being that good… .

HHH and Kane start things off teaming up against Goldberg. I’m shocked. A triple threat with 2 heels and they team up against the babyface? THIS IS REVOLUTIONARY~!

Not even 2 men are enough to take out Goldberg though, as he quickly fights them both off.

Kane and Goldberg then decide to punch each other in the face, while HHH hangs around the outside of the ring like a coward .

HHH sucks at taking a military press. Every time I’ve seen Goldberg try it on HHH in all their matches so far, HHH seems to struggle, which causes Goldberg to not be able to fully execute the lift. HHH BURRYING GOLDBERG~!

OH MY GOD HHH WENT FOR A COVER AFTER KANE SLAMMED GOLDBERG AND IT LOOKS LIKE KANE IS GONNA ATTACK HHH THIS IS INCREDIBLE I’VE NEVER SEEN THIS DONE BEFORE WHAT A REFRESHING TRIPLE THREAT FORMULA!!!

HHH DECKS KANE WITH A CHAIR~!

Kane comes back in and actually stops Goldberg from shattering HHH’s ankle because… apparently hitting Kane in the fact with a steel chair is the best way to make friends with him?

HHH returns the favour, saving Kane from going through the table.

CHOKESLAM TO GOLDBERG THROUGH THE TABLE~!

No wait, the table didn’t break . So HHH tells Kane to put Goldberg back on the table and elbow drops him aka HHH’s go to move for when a table doesn’t break .

And now HHH and Kane officially turn on each other…

Kane channels HOMER SIMPSON as he punches HHH… “DUFF, DUFF DUFF, DOH!” .

CHOKESLAM ON THE STEEL RAMPWAY~!

SPEAR~! Goldberg is back and he just SPEARED Kane to hell!

All 3 men fight for a while and then SPEAR TO KANE AGAIN~!

SPEAR TO HHH~!

Evolution show up because it’s no DQ. ANOTHER SPEAR TO HHH lol.

CHOKESLAM TO GOLDBERG~! Batista drags Kane out of the ring while HHH makes the cover and becomes the new WHC. EVOLUTION WITH ALL THE GOLD.

This match isn’t awful or anything… it’s just kinda there for me. Nothing really stands out whatsoever. Still better than I was expecting, like the rest of the event lol.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 10

No Way Out 2003

 

How odd… NO video package before the PPV. Guess they didn’t want people to know what the main event was .

 

Chris Jericho Vs Jeff Hardy

First time WWE have come to Montreal since that little incident back in 1997 (back on PPV, at least, no idea if they did TV since).

Jericho is Canadian and… gets booed .

Huh, looks like someone threw paint on Jeff before he came out. Get a fucking shower ya bum.

Jericho tries to wrestle at the start of this match, but Jeff is all “fuck this, someone threw paint on me before the match and I look like a tit” and decides to throw bunches at Jericho instead.

Fans seem to have realised Jericho is Canadian now and are chanting for him . A little slow eh?

Jericho taking a Sgt Slaugter-esque turnbuckle bump .

Hardy starts building momentum with his jumpy flippy shit, until Jericho avoids that barricade spot Jeff likes to do and follows it up with the WORST flapjack ever into the steel steps. Jeff would have gotten more height if he stood on his tippy toes because the lazy shit barely jumped here.

at both guys throwing out some sloppy shit. You know that jawbreaker move Jeff like to do? Well he kinda mixed that up with a monkey flip which resulted in a shit looking THING. Then Jericho comes back with the worst enziguri attempt I’ve ever seen.

Seems that while planning this match out backstage, Jericho knew he’d get a babyface reaction from the Canadian crowd, but Jeff refused to be the heel of the match… which results in neither man being heel, no control segment from anyone which leaves us with a bunch of MOVES~! and they don’t even manage that properly .

SWANTON~! MISS~! ACT LIKE IT HIT ANYWAY~!

This is just one seemingly long (feels like it lasts forever) MOVES~! fest with a bunch of near falls. Not my cup of tea. Neither is tea, actually. Fuck tea. Tastes like… well tea, which is the problem.

HBK shows up to save Jeff as Jericho keeps the Walls locked in, and the fans absolutely SHIT on him. And then cheer the fuck out of him when he takes out both Jericho and Christian .

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Rob Van Dam & Kane Vs William Regal & Lance Storm – World Tag Team Championship Match

Fun opening exchange between RVD and Storm, with RVD throwing shit at Storm and Storm countering and avoiding as much as he can until he gets kicked in the face .

Then Regal comes in and… gets more of the same .

KANE SLAMS REGALS and… Regal is FUCKED UP. Knocked out for a few moments + concussion which puts him out of action for a while and kills the big tag match for WM .

Storm takes over for a while, but Regal being the MAN he is still continues the match!

HALF NELSON SUPLEX .

@ Storm mounting RVD and just battering his face.

“WE WANT REGAL” chants .

at Regal’s awesome bump off a big boot by Kane. Guy is still better concussed than most people.

Kane’s mask gets fucked up and he can’t see. RVD gets pushed into him and he thinks its Regal or Storm. CHOKESLAM~! RVD gets pinned. Ha.

Solid match despite what happened to Regal!

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Billy Kidman Vs Matt Hardy – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

Matt had to drop 10 lbs in 2 weeks in order to challenge for the title .

MATT IS ANNOYED BY SNOW & ICE~!

MATT TAKES HOT TEA WITH MILK & SWEETENER~!

I find it funny that Cole and Tazz are playing up on the whole “Matt isn’t a normal CW” claiming he’s not used to this style and shit. Uhhh… did they forget about his entire career prior to this match? You know, when he and his brother Jeff would fly around like CW’s and wrestle CW’s and shit as well as heavyweights? If anything Matt was always more of a CW than a HW .

Matt grounds Kidman. And uhhh… he does holds on the ground to make sure he keeps him grounded. And uhhh… Kidman is grounded by Matt’s ground offence.

Fuck me this match is a whole load of nothing. Matt applies holds on the floor while using about 6 Side Effects. Kidman makes a couple of comebacks that aren’t exactly inspiring. Shannon Moore might as well have stayed in the back.

Twist of Fate from the ropes and Matt wins the CW title. Thankfully he’d go on to REY MYSTERIO and have some great matches.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

OH NOES EDGE IS DEAD OR SOMETHING BACKSTAGE AKA HIS NECK IS FUCKED AND HE’S BUGGERING OFF FOR OVER A YEAR.

The Undertaker Vs The Big Show

these two had some fucking CLASSICS in 2008 and while I’ve never enjoyed this as much as some other people, I am hoping for something good and maybe for me to like it more this time around.

FOUR WORDS: SHUT UP AND FIGHT!!!

Undertaker does his over the ropes bump and takes the fight right to Big Show on the outside, throwing those BIG SOUP BONES right in Show’s face.

Undertaker has returned after being thrown off the stage by Show in October, and he’s a “new” Undertaker now as Tazz explains on commentary. He’s now starting to use MMA moves and holds and is having to adapt to the new styles of young wrestlers coming up. We see Undertaker counter the power of Show by using speed and his unique offence and I’m the entire time lol.

WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION TO UNDERTAKER… WITH A STEEL CHAIR IN FRONT OF HIS FACE~! But the WMD wouldn’t be established until 2008 so Undertaker can continue wrestling .

those fucking shots to Show’s head . Show just stands there out of it while Undertaker caves his fucking FACE in .

Love Undertaker’s “out of it” selling, and it’s done wonderful here are Show repeatedly headbutts the fuck out of him, busting him open! Arn Vs DICK Vs Undertaker in a “sell a shot to the head” match would be the greatest thing in the history of everything ever.

at Undertaker’s comeback with those fucking strikes . Especially when he just fucking charges head on at Show and blasts him in the face with a running punch.

Show is doing a great job cutting Undertaker off with such simple moves like a punch of his own or a headbutt. Being as big as he is, even doing it to UNDERTAKER looks legit, and Undertaker’s selling of everything just puts it over that much more.

LOW BLOW~! DDT~!

Undertaker signals for a Last Ride. Like that’s gonna happen from a non corner position .

Meanwhile Big Show’s giant red underwear is on display as his ring gear slowly moves up his leg .

TAKIN’ CARE OF BUSINESS~! But Heyman senses Show is in trouble and distracts ‘Taker on the apron.

A-TRAIN~!

DEAD MAN DIVE TO A-TRAIN AND HEYMAN .

Undertaker is on fucking FIRE now and Big Show is GONNA PAY .

CHOKESLAM BY BIG SHOW~!

PIN COUNTERED INTO A TRIANGLE CHOKE~! THAT MMA OFFENCE COMING INTO PLAY .

BIG SHOW GETS CHOKED OUT!!! UNDERTAKER WINS!!!

How on earth have I never been a big fan of this in the part? This fucking ROCKS (THE DRAGON)! Right fucking up there with their 08 matches tbh.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Bischoff thinks his match with Austin later will be easy as he can make it No DQ and have tons of help. Then Vince McMahon shows up and says nobody can interfere, and if they do they’ll be fired .

 

Kurt Angle, Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Hass Vs Brock Lesnar & Chris Benoit – Handicap Match

So Edge is off for surgery, leaving Benoit and Lesnar to face 3 men. The sheer TALENT in this match makes it look on paper, but honestly I’ve always thought it absolutely SUCKED. I changed my mind on the previous match, maybe I can end up loving this one too?

BROCK looks like a fucking beast early on, dominating Team Angle then begging to get his hands on Angle only to be double and triple teamed and STILL getting up and fighting back.

We get a preview of Lesnar/Angle WM match with Angle applying a sleeper hold and wrapping his legs around Lesnar to both ground him and wear him down even more. Seems out of place in a tag match tbh, especially with how long it lasts.

BENOIT HOT TAG . Comes in and suplexes bitches left, right and centre .

The numbers advantage comes into play allowing Team Angle to regain control and now Benoit has to play FIP.

the fuck is Lesnar doing on the apron? He’s rubbing his neck and roaring or something .

BOOOOORING control segment.

LESNAR HOT TAG . Comes in and suplexes bitches left, right and centre . Huh, that sounds familiar…

Multiple Crossface/Ankle Lock counters… which is retarded because Benoit isn’t even the legal and and I don’t even think Angle is?

Uhhh ok Hass taps out. Apparently he was the legal man and so was Benoit… even though Lesnar just came in off the hot tag.

Anyway, this is fucking SHIT. Seriously.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Triple H Vs Scott Steiner – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Oh god it just gets worse. And there is still the god awful main event to come . And Austin/Bischoff too .

Their RR match was SO FUCKING BAD… they booked it again a month later. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM?!?!

*3 days later*

Ok I suppose I should watch this match now .

the fans are booing Steiner and cheering HHH . Absolutely NOT what this match needed . Was gonna be awful on its own, but a crowd not reacting the way they would be expected to = match fucked up .

I like how HHH’s leg is taped up, giving Steiner an area to focus on. It was like they watched their RR match back (I fucking hope they did, fans were tortured by it so they should too) and realised that Steiner couldn’t do anything beyond SUPLEXES, so creating a leg injury for him to attack meant he had something else to do .

the MOMENT I finished writing that last sentence… Steiner hit a suplex .

Scotty applies a Figure Four, but it just doesn’t look right when he does it… so Flair pokes his eyes behind the referee’s back to prevent such a thing from continuing. I guess if he did that to Steiner for making the Figure Four look bad, he should probably torture and eventually kill The Miz for what he did to the hold…

the fans who moments ago were cheering HHH are now chanting BORING because HHH is in control .

Steiner builds momentum and what does he do? Leg work again? Nah. SUPLEXES!!!

Steiner just fucking RUNS into HHH’d boot and I’m 99.9% certain he got KNOCKED OUT. HHH goes for a cover and tries to use the ropes, ref catches him and they argue and shove each other for about a minute while Steiner recovers .

MOAR SUPLEXES .

Orton and Batista show up and get destroyed.

at Orton being thrown over the ropes and just fucking DIVING onto Batista. Best thing about this match so far.

WHC to the face of Steiner… he kicks out, fans boo .

PEDIGREE. Yes! It’s fucking OVER.

Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Steve Austin Vs Eric Bischoff

GTFO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Hulk Hogan Vs The Rock

Their WM match is great. Despite the people involved, the age of Hogan when it happened etc… it managed to be GREAT. So a re-match sounds like a good idea, right?

Unless something drastically changes this time around, I’m gonna say this is fucking awful. Steiner/HHH awful. But it’s the main event for the show so I’m gonna endure it.

nothing bust stalling + punches for 5 minutes and then… ROCK BOTTOM . 5 minutes in and we get a fucking finisher. For a 2 count .

Huh, using a weight lifting belt on your opponent is perfectly legal apparently. Why more people don’t bring one to the ring to aid them makes no sense to me. IT’S LEGAL APPARENTLY.

More nothingness and then SHARPSHOOTER IN MONTREAL.

STEEL CHAIR TO THE ROCK. And the referee… doesn’t give a shit .

Oh a People’s Elbow now. Two in a row. HOGAN NO SELLS .

LEG DROP.

Apparently Hogan can kick out of a Rock Bottom in 5 minutes, then 2 Elbows in a row… but Rock needs Vince to turn the lights out after ONE Leg Drop .

Oh and the referee is down. The brand new ref from Montreal that we’ve never seen before tonight. That isn’t odd.

Ref hands Rock a steel chair, Rock smashes it over Hogan.

Rock Bottom. Done.

Wow. This is just wow. BAD AS FUCK. Rock/Hogan II is like Rock/Cena II. Finishers with FUCK ALL in between. Terrible.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 4

Bad Blood 2003

Oh sweet jebus what am I doing?

 

The Dudley Boys Vs Rodney Mack & Christopher Nowinski

oh man how awful does this look on paper? So awful I’m not even attempting to watch it.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

A burping contest takes place. Why oh why?

 

Scott Steiner Vs Test – Winner gets Stacy as a manager

NO! No! No!

STACY IS FUCKING FAP FAP FAP THOUGH!

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Christian Vs Booker T – Intercontinental Championship Match

I can’t do it. Not after their Insurrextion match.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

A pie eating contest next. Fuck me this is awful.

 

La Resistance Vs RVD & Kane – World Tag Team Championship Match

Sorry, I can’t sit through a match with 3 people who absolutely suck. Kane ain’t enough to make me watch it.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Chris Jericho Vs Goldberg

Honestly don’t wanna watch this either, but it’s a big match and I AM kinda curious to see how it turned out. Can’t be worse than Rock/Goldberg, right?

Jericho tries to play mind games with Big Bill, running away and escaping to the outside, but Goldberg just fucking charges at him and starts to beat the shit out of him and well, given their history it looks like Goldberg is legitimately trying to hurt Chris .

“Goldberg please go away” sign in the front row .

SPEAR! SPEAR! SPEAR! GOLDBERG SPEARED THE SECURITY WALL .

Lawler in the most sarcastic tone of voice ever: “Oh the mighty Goldberg is injured!” .

Goldberg is bleeding too .

Fuck me, how is Goldberg still throwing kicks? He already killed Bret Hart’s career, and jebus he gets a couple of shots in on Jericho that looks brutal as fuck and not in the fun Tajiri way.

Jericho works the arm, because that’s the only match you can do with Goldberg apparently.

GOLDBERG SUCKS chants .

At least Goldberg is selling the arm in this match when he SHOULD be selling it. Not that the HHH match where he gets confused .

Big Y2J chants now.

2 SPEARS on Jericho. First one hurt him just as much, the second uhhh… apparently wasn’t as bad since he got right up and hit the Jackhammer .

This was… watchable. I basically enjoyed the 3 Spears .

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Ric Flair Vs Shawn Michaels

Well this has… potential for sure, though I don’t remember it being that good, so we’ll see how it holds up .

Build up package was pretty sweet, one of the things WWE is usually always great at. Make me excited to see the match.

at HBK taking Flair down to the mat then WALKING ON HIM and doing a strut, followed up with a SLAP TO THE FACE. Awesome.

Shawn is all about trying to show up Flair early on, proving that he’s better than his idol. Then Flair sees once chance to go for the legs and BAM, HBK is down.

FIGURE FOUR~!

Shawn escapes, then Flair starts fucking STOMPING on the knee of HBK. Looks awesomely brutal lol.

HBK USING THE FIGURE FOUR~! I don’t think Flair is enjoying it…

EYE POKE~!

at that “superplex”. They’d have gotten more height doing it in the ring like normal .

RANDOM TABLE~! Because this match needed a table spot apparently.

Orton shows up out of nowhere and gets… knocked out instantly .

CROSS BODY TO FLAIR THROUGH THE TABLE~!

I just noticed a guy in the front row dressed up like Tigger . WHO DOES THAT?

DOUBLE LOW BLOW TO HBK AND THE REF .

SWEET CHIN MUSIC~!

ORTON WITH A CHAIR TO HBK’S SKULL~!

FLAIR WINS~!

I liked most of this. Wasn’t great but certainly good.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Signing contest now. Kill me.

 

Triple H Vs Kevin Nash – World Heavyweight Championship Hell in a Cell Match – Mick Foley Special Guest Referee

the build up for this match was based more around FOLEY being the special referee. And then Foley comes out LAST rather than like, the WHC . FOLEY IS BIGGER THAN THIS MATCH.

the match even starts with HHH getting in FOLEY’S face with Nash standing in the background.

at HHH fumbling over the ropes to the outside. Guy can’t even be thrown to the floor properly in 2003 .

NASH SHOVES HHH INTO FOLEY~! Foley… doesn’t care .

HHH gets thrown into the side of the cell a number of times, but it’s a back body drop on the floor that gets any kind of reaction from the fans .

at Nash choosing the one corner with a camera man stood in to push HHH into .

For all the I’m doing, don’t confuse that with me hating this match so far btw. It’s actually been a pretty good brawl so far. Nash is just fucking MAULING HHH and that’s fun to watch .

TOOL BOX~!

HAMMER TO THE KNEE~!

HAMMER TO THE HEAD~!

WHY DID HHH GO FOR THE TOOL BOX RATHER THAN HIS SLEDGEHAMMER?

HHH and Foley have another confrontation in the ring, while Nash is dead from being hit in the head with a hammer . Nash might as well go home .

SCREWDRIVER~!

KEVIN NASH IS SCREWED~!

2X4 WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE~! They are bringing out all the toys for this, aren’t they lol? Makes sense, no way can they have a match as long as this one is and rely only on their wrestling ability .

Fuck me HHH is POURING with blood.

SNAKE EYES RIGHT ONTO THE BARBED WIRE~! Awesome.

Some matches throw in a ton of weapons and it takes away from the match (see HHH/Jericho HIAC), but here, both guys mauling each other with weapons actually makes for a GOOD match.

WOODEN CRATE TO THE HEAD~! Where the fuck did that even come from? It was already just THERE on the floor. Must have missed when they brought it out .

SLEDGEHAMMER~! So it IS there… he just decided on using a small normal hammer earlier because…

SLEDGEHAMMER~!

Why is Foley taking it away from him? Seriously? HELL IN A CELL NO FUCKING RULES DAMMIT.

HHH cracks Nash in the head with a chair and then… decks Foley with it too! Why? I dunno. Surely taking out the referee is a dumb move?

MADIBLE CLAW~!

FOLEY IS BLEEDING~!

LOW BLOW~!

Steel steps to Foley’s face by Nash . Seriously, Nash doesn’t even need to be here .

my favourite part of the match now. HHH shoves Nash into Foley, who flies off the apron into the cell. Nash lands a JACKKNIFE and covers… and Foley jumps right up and makes a count so HHH can kick out at 2 with absolutely no time to recover, making Nash’s finisher look like shit .

Take a shot every time someone says BASTARD during this match. You’ll be fucking HAMMERED .

SLEDGEHAMMER TO THE HEAD~! PEDIGREE~! NASH IS FINISHED~!

Match holds up for sure. Really good, despite who is in it. A bloody, brutal HIAC match. Me likey.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 1

No Mercy 2003

 

This show features an I Quit match… between Vince McMahon and… STEPHANIE MCMAHON .

 

Tajiri Vs Rey Mysterio – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

Oh man, after enduring far too many Raw 03 PPV’s lately, what better way to kick off a show I remember being GOOD, than TAJIRI?

And Rey Rey as his opponent? OH HELL YEAH!

What’s this? CW match where they… lock up and fight for the advantage? Well, that’s something different haha. Normally expect these guys to kick and fly around, but nope! I liked it tbh.

KICKS~! Rey blocked! Kick of his own! Rey Rey going after the LEGS of Tajiri, which is what Tazz claimed would be the smart thing for Rey to do, as it not only grounds the Japanese Buzzsaw, but prevents those lethal KICKS~!

Mysterio kicking the leg of Tajiri to prevent him from building momentum. DROPKCIK TO THE BACK to counter the handspring elbow . Mysterio is looking to knock off the champion here tonight and… ends up getting knocked off the apron himself. TAJIRI IN CONTROL . KICKS~!

Tajiri kicks the SHIT out of Mysterio’s arm. Why? This ain’t no Malenko/Rey match where Malenko is a retard and targets the arm because, fuck it, he wanted to. Instead, earlier in the match when Rey was going after the arm, Tajiri countered the only way he could into an arm bar, and since then Tajiri has been able to use it to his advantage.

at that 619. Awesome way to hit it.

at that powerbomb to counter the West Coast Pop . BRUTAL.

at that moonsault. PERFECT BALANCE .

MOAR KICKS TO THE ARM .

Tajiri is STILL selling the leg work from earlier in the match .

Another good way to set up a 619 .

DEBUT OF A TRIAD MEMBER . Not sure which one haha. Oh apparently it was… both? I only saw one lol.

KICK TO THE HEAD~! TAJIRI WINS~!

Well this makes up for all the putrid shite I put myself through with the Raw 03 PPV’s. Great opener. I could watch these two all day.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

A-Train Vs Chris Benoit

Albert shoves Benoit into the corner and tells him he “ain’t nuffin” and Benoit clubs the shit out of Albert’s face .

But the strength of Albert keeps sending Benoit to the outside, as he tries to get inside the crippler’s head. However the fans chanting “shave your back” pretty much nullifies his mind games!

Big beefy bastard and BENOIT clubbing the shit out of each other. So much fun to watch.

Crazy to watch Albert in 03 and see just how fucking good the guy was, knowing what they did to him when they brought him back as Lord Tensai with a shitty gimmick and limited move set. And now he’s “Jason Albert” doing commentary on NXT . At least we got a couple matches between him and Sheamus.

shades of VADER there with Albert clubbing (my fav word for this match atm haha) the shit out of Benoit’s face in the corner. Love Benoit constantly trying to fight back and never letting Albert take full advantage of him. Reminds me of the Mr Kennedy shoot where he talks about how Benoit would call a spot but never simply “let” him do the move. You wanna suplex him? You gotta kick him in the gut first, punch him in the face maybe, rather than him just letting you do whatever you want. Always fighting. Makes things seem a little more “real” and more like a FIGHT.

Albert with a… GERMAN SUPLEX?

“GET YOUR ASS UP, CHRIS!” very encouraging fans in the front row. they are military .

STEEL CHAIR~!

OH MY FUCKING GOD. And that, folks, is how Benoit’s head got fucked up so much. Seriously, that HAD to have been part of the problem. Fuck it, GIF TIME~!

Benoit makes a comeback right after! TRIPLE GERMANS TO FAT ALBERT~!

A headbutt attempt leads to Albert sending Benoit crashing to the mat. Albert signals for a heatbutt!!! But Benoit gets up and Albert decides against going up top .

KICK TO THE CHAIR~! Albert’s leg gets caught up in the chair! SHARPSHOOTER! ALBERT TAPS OUT! Nice tribute to Stu Hart who passed away a few days before this event .

This fucking rules.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Zack Gowen Vs Matt Hardy

VEEEEEEEEEEEE ONEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

“Matt can not be grossed out” unless he imagines Edge with Lita .

“Matt has survived five car wrecks” 6th time the charm then?

Insane when you think about it; WWE hired a 1 legged wrestler and put him in numerous PPV matches and big angles. And he was the SECOND one legged wrestler, because BIG JOHNNY HIRED THE WRONG ONE FIRST . Should have kept him and made a tag team .

Man, Gowen bumps like a fucking champ. THAT LARIAT~!

Cole openly admits on commentary that Gowen ain’t gonna win this match.

MOONSAULT~! GOWEN WINS! COLE LOOKS STUPID! HA!

Fun match.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

APA Vs The Basham Brothers

Thankfully that shemale isn’t out with the Basham’s because JBL clotheslined him to hell.

APA spend the first part of this match just killing this new team .

oh man that jawbreaker from Danny Basham on Farooq gave me flashbacks to Undertaker/Kronic. Surprised Farooq didn’t scream “fuck” or at least punch him in the face .

APA seem to be playing both heels and faces in this, attacking behind the referee’s back while still getting cheered because watching the APA beat someone up is always awesome.

Farooq gets a nice rest while the Basham’s take turns at sitting in rest holds with him. Meanwhile Bradshaw keeps running in and smashing someone’s face in because he’s bored .

HOT TAG~! Bradshaw murders everyone. All is right with the world.

LAST CALL~!

The other Basham tries to sneak a top rope move… but Farooq holds onto him and he ends up getting a SUPPER LAST CALL~!

terrible ref bump.

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL~!

Urgh, the shemale shows up and smacks Bradshaw with a sex toy or something and the Basham’s pick up the win.

Most fun stuff.

turns out the Clothesline from Hell to the shemale was so he could get breast implants .

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Vince McMahon Vs Stephanie McMahon – Father-Daughter I Quit Match

oh man WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?

Stephanie during the build up to this seems shocked that Vince would do this sort of stuff. This is the guy that had UNDERTAKER KIDNAP HER 4 years earlier.

VINCE ATTACKS HIS OWN DAUGHTER FROM BEHIND .

Man, Vince is getting some MAJOR fucking heat during this. Not only beating up his own Daughter, but protecting Sable from his own wife .

Cole going apeshit on commentary is too. WHAT SABLE, ARE YOU GONNA BE THE NEW SD GM IF STEPHANIE LOSES? HUH? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? YOU BITCH!

at Linda attacking Sable. SLAP TO VINCE~! LOW BLOW~! LOW BLOW WITH A STEEL PIPE~!

Huh, so Stephanie can win this by pin. Ok.

Stephanie looks to deck Vince with the pipe, Vince tries to act all sorry, and Stephanie beats the shit out of him anyway .

VINCE HITS STEPHANIE WITH THE FUCKING PIPE~! Vince is THE ULTIMATE HEEL.

CHOKING STEPH WITH THE PIPE NOW! Linda throws in the towel as Stephanie refuses to give up. Vince wins, Stephanie loses her job at GM and marries HHH a few days later .

I’m not sure where I stand with this match. It’s fucking crazy and almost unratable . That being said, I did LIKE it. It’s not a bad match, it’s just weird . Fuck it. STARS~!

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Kurt Angle Vs John Cena

Not often I look forward to an Angle match. And certainly a rarity to look forward to a match between these two.

Rapping Kurt is the greatest thing ever .

Dual chants for both men here, something Cena would get as a babyface too .

CENA HAS STREET CRED

at Angle avoiding a big right hand from Cena and flipping him off.

Cena gets destroyed early on as Angle out wrestles him, so Cena tries to get Angle to FIGHT him, where he thinks he’ll have the advantage. Angle beats the fuck out of him still .

CLOTHESLINE~! Looked brutal.

Angle is STILL out fighting Cena. Angle is beating some RESPECT into Cena.

RUNNING SHOULDER from Kurt to Cena in the corner looked insane, almost as if Cena was supposed to MOVE because Angle was going 100 mile an hour like he wanted to crash into the ring post. But nope. Cena didn’t move. Looked cool and I’m not entirely sure it wasn’t supposed to happen that way but oh well .

Angle goes for it again in another corner and this time Cena DOES move and Angle crashes into the ring post. Time for Cena to control things.

ANGLE IS BLEEDING FROM THE MOUTH. And nobody knows why . Must have been the hard way then.

Cena’s control segment ain’t the greatest thing to start with, as he just sits there in a front face lock for a little while. But luckily Angle gets to make a number of comeback attempts and THIS is where Cena does well in the match; cutting the bastard off.

DDT ON THE APRON .

THAT LEGDROP .

Angle keeps making comeback attempts (GERMAN SUPLEXES~!) and Cena keeps cutting him off in pretty awesome ways. He looks more STIFF AND GRITTY with his brawling too, something he honestly kinda sucks at today.

CORNER POWERBOMB~! Fuck me Angle took that like a true champ. Awesome.

F-U~! And Angle kicks out .

ANGLE SLAM~! And Cena kicks out .

CHAIN~! Angle realises he can’t beat Angle clean. The ref takes it away, and while his back is turned, Cena pulls out Angle’s gold medals and decks him in the face!!!

ANGLE KICKS OUT~! Of course he does .

Bunch of fun counters as both men try for their finisher again and… ANKLE LOCK~!

CENA TAPS OUT!!! CENA TAPS OUT!!!

Still a great match for sure. Cena’s best match probably until like, uhhh… fuck, maybe until 2007.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs The Big Show – United States Championship Match

forgot this was on the show . Was looking at the time left and wondered what else would happen with 50 mins left and me only remembering Lesnar/Taker.

Damn, that attack involving the car looked brutal. Props to Eddie for taking that. His back is covered in marks and cuts and scars from the very REAL glass that was still in the car.

at Eddie trying to escape Show and ground him, but not being big or strong enough to make any kind of mark on the giant.

at Show mauling the back of Eddie.

Lie, Cheat and Steal Eddie comes out to play, throwing a chair into the ring which causes the ref to get rid of it, then he decks Show with a garbage can lid to the head. Probably should have done the opposite since the chair would have hurt more but oh well .

Fuck, those back bumps into the ring post. Poor Eddie’s back .

I’M GONNA BREAK YOU!

Fuck the fans chanting boring btw. Dumb cunts.

Poor referee. Show throws Eddie onto him when he kicks out of a pin, then Show goes to leg drop Eddie who is still on the referee… but Eddie moves and Nick Patrick is DEAD.

BRASS KNUCKS~!

Referee has recovered enough to make a 2 count! LOL. Good job he wasn’t the ref for Undertaker/HHH WM 17. He would have gotten back up from the elbow drop 20 seconds later and counted both men out .

US TITLE TO THE FACE~!

FROG SPLASH~!

KICK OUT?

MONSTER CHOKESLAM~!

Eddie is DONE. New US champion… NO?!!! FOOT ON THE ROPES! EDDIE IS STILL IN THIS THING!!!

LOW BLOW & DDT~! Can Eddie keep this up? Can Eddie WIN?

Another chokeslam in the middle of the ring, and Eddie can’t escape from this one. NEW CHAMP.

Great match. Fuck the fans.

Poor Eddie, lost his title and feels like shit, and what happens? Chavo Jr shows up. Bad day just got worse. Get that useless moo away from Eddie!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Brock Lesnar Vs The Undertaker – WWE Championship Biker Chain Match

PUNCHES .

Love Undertaker working the arm early on as he usually does, which sets up to Old School, but Lesnar knows it’s coming and rams ‘Taker into the corner instead and we get both guys tied up throwing big punches to each other’s KIDNEYS .

Undertaker gets closer to doing Old School again but Lesnar still won’t let him execute it, and it results in Lesnar taking a bit of a beating lol.

OLD SCHOOL~! Undertaker finally has Lesnar weakened enough to land it… and then he follows it up with some crazy Lucha roll up!!! Lesnar is FREAKED OUT by that and gets his arse to the outside .

OUTSIDE BRAWLING . TAKER DOING HIS “KNEES INTO THE STEEL STEPS” SPOT. Which I’m fairly certain he stole from FOLEY. But when you nearly kill a man twice in ONE MATCH I think you can steal anything you want from him and he ain’t gonna say shit .

They battle in the ring for a while, both guys landing some awesome shots btw, and then Undertaker sends Lesnar crashing down neck first onto the ropes which gives him a chance to climb the pole to grab the chain!

LIGHTS OUT~!

When they come back on, Lesnar is back up and preventing the Not So Dead Man from grabbing the deadly chain!

@ every time Undertaker makes a comeback with those big punches. Guy rules at punching.

PILEDRIVER ON THE STEEL STEPS~! BY UNDERTAKER~! AND IT WASN’T A TOMBSTONE VERSION~!

Again Undertaker tries to climb the pole, but Lesnar again interferes only to end up stuck in a triangle choke!!!

How does Lesnar respond? UPPERCUT TO THE BALLS~!

Fucking hell, Undertaker tries to deck Lesnar with the steel steps, but Lesnar ducks and Undertaker ends up lobbing the steps over the ropes and very fucking nearly hits his own bike .

LESNAR GOES FOR THE CHAIN~! GETS CAUGHT IN A LAST RIDE~! LESNAR COUNTERS~! DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE~!

PUNCH EXCHANGE~!

Chokeslam countered into a spinbuster! Lesnar tries to make a cover and gets sucked in to another triangle choke!!!

LESNAR POWERS OUT WITH A POWERBOMB .

DRAGON SLEEPER AKA TAKIN’ CARE OF BUSINESS~!

TCB COUNTERED INTO AN F-5!!!

“THE VETERAN THE UNDERTAKER GOT HIS BOTTOM… HIS FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE” well done Cole.

CHOKESLAM FROM THE TOP ROPE! Undertaker decides against the cover and instead goes after the chain!

BUT WAIT, IT’S THE FBI! SOMEBODY PUT A HIT OUT ON THE UNDERTAKER?!?!

‘Taker fucks em up and gives Lesnar a Last Ride!!!

DEAD MAN DIVE OVER THE ROPES TO TAKE OUT THE FBI!!! How the fuck did he have enough energy left to do that?

NUNZIO goes for the chain and gets knocked off the pole (above the turnbuckle!!!) to the floor! UNDERTAKER HAS THE CHAIN!

VINCE MCMAHON! VINCE SHOVES UNDERTAKER OFF THE ROPES! VINCE HAS JUST SCREWED THE UNDERTAKER!

LESNAR HAS THE CHAIN! SHOT TO THE FUCKING FACE! UNDERTAKER IS DONE.

this match still fucking rules. Two big bastards beating the absolute shit out of each other. Love it.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 21.5