Month: March 2013

 

Considered to be the worst WM ever… yet one that holds a special place for me as it was the first WM I ever saw and can still remember watching it back in the day.

Match 1 – Lex Luger & The British Bulldog Vs The Blu Brothers – Oh hey, Zeb Coulter. Kinda. Harris Brothers with hair. LOL. I ain’t watching this shite. NO.

Match 2 – Jeff Jarrett Vs Razor Ramon – IC title on the line, and a rematch from the RR where JJ won the belt by playing up on the fact Razor is a fighting champion and didn’t want to lose via countout despite a knee injury. Razor has awesome punches. Jarrett keeps trying to get some kind of offence in, but Razor keeps countering with punches to the face. Jarrett for some reason doesn’t like being punched in the face, so he tries to leave but 123-Kid threatens him. Road Dogg was pretty great as The Roadie. He takes a great bump when Razor slams him head first into the turnbuckle. Jarrett keeps trying to get counted out, but Kid keeps preventing him from doing so. I don’t get it, why doesn’t Jeff just let Kid take a shot at him? He’ll win via DQ and retain the title all at the same time. Jarrett wears down Razor, Razor makes some comebacks using his PUNCHES, Kid tries to help out and gets sent into the guardrail (serves him right tbh), and McMahon thinks every pin attempt is a 3 count. FIGURE FOUR! Can Razor survive? Yes he can! Only to have his knee clipped by The Roadie during a Razor’s Edge attempt. Razor wins via DQ, Jarrett retains the title. Good match, not as good as the RR but still good. And this event is gonna need all the good matches it can get… ***.

Match 3 – The Undertaker Vs King Kong Bundy – Yet another “monster” for The Undertaker to slay at WrestleMania. Bundy might not be anything special in the ring, but he was a huge step up from Giant Gonzalez, and the storyline going into the match was better too. A little background on this one is probably needed, so here goes. As we all know, The Undertaker made his debut as part of the Million Dollar Man’s Survivor Series team in 1990. DiBiase was responsible for bringing The Undertaker in, and that was a key point to this whole feud. As you may have noticed, there is a gap between WrestleMania 9 and WrestleMania 11 for these reviews. The reason being is that Yokozuna and a number of other wrestlers tried to take The Undertaker out at the 1994 Royal Rumble. They were successful at putting him on the shelf for a while, which is why he missed WrestleMania 10. Not long after WrestleMania 10, Ted DiBiase claimed that The Undertaker was back, and had realigned himself with the Million Dollar Man, and his Million Dollar Corporation. A “fake” Undertaker was revealed, so Paul Bearer felt the need to return and inform everyone that HIS Undertaker was the real one, and would soon return to prove it. At SummerSlam 1994, the real Undertaker did in fact return, and vanquished DiBiase’s fake Undertaker. DiBiase was obviously not pleased, and with the help of his Million Dollar Corporation, vowed to eliminate The Undertaker from the World Wrestling Federation. At the 1995 Royal Rumble, DiBiase had IRS face The Undertaker, but was unsuccessful, so King Kong Bundy took it upon himself to attack The Undertaker after the match, and thus a WrestleMania match between the two was made! Not only that, but DiBiase has also taken control of the Urn! Bundy tries to attack The Undertaker from behind with a running corner splash, but The Undertaker senses him coming, and uses his superior speed to move out of the way! The Undertaker hits “Old School”, and a number of clotheslines, but Bundy remains on his feet! One more clothesline from The Undertaker, and Bundy is DOWN! Bundy, however, is not an ordinary man. He is a veteran and a tough SOB too, which he shows by quickly getting back up and sending The Undertaker over the ropes! The Undertaker lands on his feet, and steals the Urn back from DiBiase! The Undertaker gets back in the ring and looks to be in control, until Kama, another member of the Million Dollar Corporation, comes to ringside and steals the Urn again! With the lack of the Urn at ringside, The Undertaker loses control of the match, and the monstrous Bundy takes pleasure in wearing down the Dead Man. Some big, yet basic blows take The Undertaker down, and a huge sleeper hold looks to be the end of the Phenom. The crowd get The Undertaker back into the match, but Bundy quickly regains control, or at least he thinks he does, by hitting a huge running avalanche (running corner splash)! The power of The Undertaker is still running strong though, even without the Urn, and The Undertaker just shrugs off the devastating move, and slams the 440 pounder to the mat! The leaping lariat puts the final nail in Bundy’s coffin, as The Undertaker clocks up another WrestleMania win! Ok, so there is nothing special whatsoever about this match. It’s all incredibly basic, and the finish is a little weak too. However, the storyline leading into the match (and continuing after the match) was pretty good, and I have a soft spot for the entire WrestleMania XI event too, so I do enjoy this match more than most people probably. Like the Gonzalez match, I always remembered this match being longer than it actually is. The only really slow part is when Bundy has the sleeper hold applied, and that doesn’t last long at all. It’s still not a good match, and probably his second worst WrestleMania match ever, but I can sit through it no problem. 1/2*

Match 4 – The Smoking Gunns Vs Owen Hart & Yokozuna – Tag belts are up for grabs, and Yoko is the mystery partner for Owen! Fuck me Yoko looks huge… more so than before. Solid tag match here, very enjoyable too. Yoko is a great bumper for such a huge guy. His fall through the ropes following a double dropkick was great. Good strategy from the Gunns trying to isolate Owen. They hit a reverse 3-D type move that fuck, really should have ended the match in 1995 lol. Stupid double team move from them too though, when they send Owen into the ropes, then just stop him, turn around and hit a double Russian leg sweep. Why ever bother sending him into the ropes lol? Then an awesome tag move where Bart holds Owen up and Billy hits a reverse Fameasser. That SHOULD have ended the match at least, but Yoko distracts the ref. I’M A KING. YOU ALL LOVE ME. Owen is awesome. Lol, Owen thinks the finish is taking place a little sooner than it is, and tries to pull the ropes down for Bart to go over, but he doesn’t because it isn’t time yet. 30 seconds later, Owen pulls the ropes down again and Bart goes over this time! BONZAI Drop! Owen tags in, looks like he’s gonna apply the Sharpshooter… then realises he doesn’t need to and gets the pin. New tag champs! I like this match quite a bit. I hear they had an even better match at an IYH PPV. I should check it out. **1/2.

Match 5 – Bob Backlund Vs Bret Hart – I Quit match and Roddy Piper is the guest ref for a Bret Hart WM match two years in a row! This one has classic written all over it. Shame it doesn’t live up to the potential. AT ALL. Boooo! Oh hey, it’s Damien Sandow… no wait, Mr Bob Backlund. Piper is annoying as hell shoving the microphone in everyone’s face every 2 seconds. Backlund seems to forget there is a microphone and never really says anything lol. Bret tries but the mic is never close enough for us to hear everything. GERMAN ANNOUNCE TEAM! Backlund keeps escaping the Sharpshooter. Backlund applies the Chicken Wing. Bret counters with his own. Backlund… kinda gives up. This sucked poo. DUD.

Match 6 – Diesel Vs Shawn Michaels – WWF Title is on the line. SID is HBK’s bodyguard. Total Shawn Show early on, with his bumping around and shit. He really wanted his friend’s spot and is willing to outshine him at WM to get it lol. Their chemistry from being such good friends and knowing each other inside and out when it comes to wrestling really shows here. Everything they do looks great, and any mistakes that happen (Shawn not going over the ropes following a running knee) are fixed in an instant with both guys knowing what they should do to cover up the botch. Shame HBK and HHH didn’t have this kind of chemistry lol. Though I think for Shawn, working with a bigger guy works a lot more than someone roughly his size. Diesel looks good too btw, not just Shawn. He goes for a big boot and Shawn moves, so his leg gets caught on the ropes they he gets sent to the outside and bumps nicely on the floor. Here Diesel goes ribs first into the ring post. HUGE “SID” chants too btw LOL. SID stalking Diesel on the floor is awesome. Fans actually WANT Sid to do something. LETS GO SHAWN chants as well. LOL. Why exactly did Diesel hold the title for so long when he was getting out-cheered by the heels all the time? Shawn here, SID in their IYH matches… I think Mabel was probably the only one getting more heat because he flat out sucked. Sleeper hold obviously slows things down, but it was smart of Shawn to do it after Diesel attempts a comeback but his ribs give out on him, so wearing him down and making it hard for him to breathe will surely help HBK win the title. Except it doesn’t of course. Comeback for Diesel, and Shawn shows his arse again at WM. The ref jumps off the apron (off camera lol) to stop Sid from getting involved, and twists his ankle! With the ref down, Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music, covers Diesel for more than 3… but by the time the ref gets in he’s recovered enough to kick out. So at the RR, Diesel retains his title in a no contest. Here at WM… Shawn gets the “phantom pin” on the champ. Not the best way for his reign to start. Good finishing stretch, both guys sell the fatigue from the match… and then Shawn takes the worst powerbomb ever and Diesel retains! Good match, better than I remembered it. I prefer this to their IYH match in 96 tbh. ***1/2.

Match 7 – Bam Bam Bigelow Vs Laurence Taylor – MONGO! No wonder WCW signed him, he was a big WM star! LT looks pretty good, which shows just how good Bam Bam is as he was the one that trained him (not Diesel as the WWF were saying on TV lol). Match is worked pretty much exactly the way it should have. LT uses basic moves like forearm smashes and big shoulder blocks, pretty much keeping him looking like an American Footballer. Bam Bam controls the match, since he’s the heel for one, and the wrestler so this is what you would expect. He keeps his offence simple too, with some submission holds so Taylor can basically rest. MOONSAULT! But to keep LT from kicking out immediately and making the move look like shit, Bam Bam rolls off him and holds his knee. LMFAO at them calling a side suplex a Jackknife. Gotta give it to LT for taking some of these moves too btw. Bigelow hits a nice looking enziguri which if done wrong could have knocked him out lol. Big comeback from Taylor, using big forearm shots and shoulder blocks, then a super shoulder block from the ropes and LT gets the win! LT beat Bam Bam! So yeah, this is actually pretty good. And yet only the second best celeb match at WM! Deserving of the main event spot over the WWF Title? Not in quality, but LT being involved made it a hell of a lot bigger to the outside world, so I’d say it was fine as the main event. **1/4.

 

WM from MSG! WWF Title is on the line TWICE… like last year, only this time they announced in advance that it would happen like that haha. Bret and Luger both got eliminated from the RR at the same time, so they both kinda won, and Jack Tunney in his infinite wisdom made them both the winner. So Luger will face Yoko first, and the winner will face Bret in the main event.

Match 1 – Bret Hart Vs Owen Hart – To make it fair to Yoko and Luger, Bret has to wrestle twice as well, and it’s against his own brother! Loved the build up to this, started at the Survivor Series, then going to the RR where they made up but Bret was a prick so Owen turned on him, and now they will see who the better man is. As a younger brother myself, I am in the corner of Owen. I AM NOT A NUGGET! Owen celebrating like he won the WWF title when he escapes a hold and shit is awesome. I’m guessing Owen did some amateur wrestling as a kid like Bret, right? How good was he? I know Bret did well at his level then moved to pro because he didn’t enjoy cutting weight and whatnot, but do they ever mention Owen’s skill? *wiki’s Owen Hart*Hmmmm seems he didn’t do any, or at least nothing note worthy in the amateur ranks. Seems he just learnt everything in the Dungeon. And he learnt really fucking well because he’s about a smooth as they come in the ring. Owen and Bret trade holds, as Owen does his best to try and out wrestle his older brother to prove he’s the best. Unfortunately it doesn’t quite work, so Owen resorts to cheating and brawling a little in order to gain the advantage, with the belief that beating his brother will prove he’s better rather than simply out wrestling him. Shades of the Dynamite Kid from Owen as he hits a TOMBSTONE (wonder what Vince thought to Owen using Undertaker’s finisher lol) and follows it up with a diving headbutt! Bret moves out of the way and begins to build some momentum, until Owen stops him and begins to work over the leg, hoping to HURT his brother now as well as beating him. Epic Piledriver from Bret. So, recently (when I wrote this review anyway lol), Cena and Punk had a match on Raw, and Punk used the Piledriver and Vince got pissed because it’s banned or something. Some typical bitchy internet fans were bitching (because they like to bitch like little bitches) at Punk for using such a dangerous move on the top guy (Cena) so close to WM. Uhhh… what? Ok, I get that WWE are trying to be careful and protect their guys a little more these days than usual… but a Piledriver? Who the fuck can you name that has been legitimately injured from a Piledriver? What? Austin you say? No. That wasn’t a basic Piledriver. That was a mix between a Tombstone and a Piledriver, a move that you don’t exactly see anyone doing. THAT is a dangerous Piledriver. The normal one? Unless you are a useless fuck, it’s safe as hell. Jerry Lawler has used it as a finisher for 30+ years. Everyone and their grandma used it in the 80’s. And yet I can’t think of anyone who got injured from it. Certainly not to the extent that their career was over or shortened or anything. Anyone that did get injured… can’t have gotten that injured because we never hear about it. So, get the fuck over it. Back to this match, yeah, it’s incredible. I’ve always found it hard to really write about this in a way to do it justice. Best for me just to tell everyone to watch it for themselves. Owen in the end picks up the huge win, and proves he is the better Hart! No longer held in such high regard by myself though, however it’s still in the upper echelon of matches at WM! ****3/4

Ummmm…. ok… the president of the Hair Club for Men gets introduced. And then introduces The Fink who now has hair. I don’t understand. Why was this even a thing?

Match 2 – Bam Bam Bigelow & Luna Vachon Vs Doink & Dink The Clowns – Yeah, no thanks. NO.

Match 3 – Randy Savage Vs Crush – Falls count anywhere. Savage loses in about a minute after being dropped onto the guard rail. But WAIT! Match isn’t over! He has 60 seconds to get back into the ring. Uhhh ok. He makes it. Then Savage pins Crush on the floor and Crush just makes it. So what happens if they pin each other in the ring? Are they allowed to pin each other in the ring? WHY IS THIS CALLED FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE? Well this was pretty shitty. Savage wins. DUD.

Oh look, how big and important are WWE? They have an imposter president! Nothing screams class like that!

Match 4 – Alundra Blayze Vs Leilani Kai – NO.

Burt Reynolds steals a girl from Shawn Michaels. Yeah that was pretty awesome.

Match 5 – Men on a Mission Vs The Mounties – The Mounties ALWAYS get their man. So… was this a subtle gay gimmick? Oh look, Raven is their manager! Actually thought he was better as Johnny Polo than he was as raven. Yeah, I’m not a fan of the Raven character. What of it? Huh? Huh? Nothing. I thought so. Why am I wasting time talking about that? Because this match involves The Mounties and Mo. Mabel is awesome though. Yeah, I like Mable. What of it? Huh? Huh? Ok, I’m wasting more time. But come on. I always like seeing big fat wrestlers beat on people, but I can’t sit through the rest of this crap without being distracted. Stuff happens, then Mable tags in and runs everyone over. Double suplex to Mable! Double team top rope move thingy! Kick out from Mable! Poor Mable looks absolutely knackered. As knackered as Rock when he cuts a promo. Big Splash to both Mounties, one in the ring and one on the floor. Men on a Mission win via countout? I’m honestly not sure what the fuck just happened. Oh the tag titles were on the line too or something. What? DUD.

Match 6 – Yokozuna Vs Lex Luger – Mr Perfect is the guest ref because… he and Luger wrestled at WM last year? WWF Title is on the line. Winner gets to defend later against Bret. I wanna skip this one, but being a WWF Title match at WM I feel I should at least sit through it. But I’m expecting it to be shit. Can’t help it lol. YES YES YES YOU CAN FEEL IT! LMAO McMahon reminds me of Piccolo when he merges with Nail on Namek. YES YES YES I CAN DO IT I CAN WIN! I have a sneaky suspicion that Luger will fail just the same. Mr Perfect has gone all out with his ref outfit. Not just a striped shirt, but striped trousers too! The American Way: Putting Arabian Oil in Japanese Cars. Well fuck, Jerry, there are nicer ways to tell the truth… Oh wow this is dreadfully dull. Punch punch punch punch punch punch attempted lift on Yoko punch punch punch punch NERVE GRIP FOR A BILLION YEARS punch punch punch punch NERVE GRIP FOR A BILLION YEARS punch punch punch punch NERVE GRIP FOR A BILLION YEARS oh god kill me now. Luger lands the big forearm shot, Yoko is out. Luger drags Cornette and Fuji in the ring and attacks them, then when he goes for a cover and Mr Perfect checks on them he gets pissed, shoves Perfect and gets DQ’d! LOLOLOL. Shite match. DUD.

Match 7 – Earthquake Vs Adam Bomb – 30 second squash match, Earthquake wins LOL. DUD.

Match 8 – Razor Ramon Vs Shawn Michaels – IC title on the line in a ladder match! LOL at Earl Hebner just shoving a camera man out of the way as he walks around the ring. Diesel attacks Razor… and gets ejected from ring side… in a NO DQ LADDER MATCH. Though this is from the same event that had a Falls Count Anywhere match where you could only seemingly pin your opponent outside the ring then they had a minute to get back in the ring and not lose. If that TNA cage match that ended in a DQ was on here it would be the most retarded event of all time! But at least Diesel being removed from ringside doesn’t affect this match in a negative way. Now we get HBK and Razor one on one to find out who the better man and the REAL IC champion is! Razor removes some of the padding on the outside, only to take a bump over the ropes onto the now exposed concrete. Looks and sounds really painful too lol. Ouch. Shawn’s bare ass. Of course. SPLASH FROM THE LADDER! Not as impressive these days, but it was back then, and still looks good today too, just doesn’t have the same kind of impact as it originally did. Shawn’s Flair bump into the corner… only with the ladder in the way still looks fucking great even by today’s standards. Where do WWE get these ladders, btw? Because I can’t imagine them being… real ladders. I know I don’t bash people in the face with my ladders, but fuck, if I did I doubt they would twist and buckle from it lol. These ones barely look like they can hold the weight of either guy. Not very safe! Speaking of not very safe, I don’t think it’s good for your health when you get SUPERKICKED IN THE FACE. Pretty awesome kick. LMAO, Shawn signals for a Razor’s Edge, the commentators are playing it up that Shawn is gonna use Razor’s own finisher on him… and then Shawn SWERVES us and hits a Piledriver! Shawn looks to be in control, climbs the ladder to win, but Razor shoulder barges the ladder and Shawn gets tied up in the ropes (oh noes he stoled teh finish of his ladder match with bret hart), and Razor becomes the undisputed IC champ! DID YOU KNOW? It was Shawn’s idea for Razor to climb the ladder again and pose with both belts. Great match no doubt, and as a very early “spot fest” it holds up really well still. I never thought of this as the greatest ladder match or a 5 star match or anything, but did consider it one of the better ladder matches. Not so much now, however it still is a terrific match, just speaks volumes of how great some other ladder matches have been. ****.

Big tag match was supposed to happen next… but got cancelled due to time constraints. The excuse was that the heels couldn’t decide who the captain was…

Match 9 – Yokozuna Vs Bret Hart – Second WWF Title match of the night. Yoko beat Luger in a horrifically bad match earlier. These 2 main evented WM last year and had a decent match. Piper is announced as the guest ref. Because  he faced Bret at WM a few years ago? I guess so. LOL, Burt Reynolds is a terrible ring announcer. Struggled to read the cards and shit. Punch punch punch punch punch dropkick punch punch punch punch missed splash punch punch punch punch… as long as we don’t get another nerve grip I’ll be happy. Bret headbutts Yoko, hurts himself, but Yoko has to sell it too because he’s not Samoan in his Yoko gimmick so his head isn’t the hardest thing in existence lol. Bret punches Yoko a few times, kick to the gut, then standing axe handle smash… and Cornette has to break up the count because Yoko can’t kick out. From that. Are you fucking serious? Piper punches Cornette for the lols. Mr Perfect went the extra mile with his ref outfit… Piper is just wearing his gimmick t-shirt and some jeans lol. Finishing stretch for this match is pretty good though, all things considering. Hart makes some good comebacks and gets some nice near falls, and Yoko really looks like he has everything won until Bret moves out of the way for a Bonzai drop and makes the cover. New champ! Now… where is Hogan to steal it from him? LOL. Match is… decentish. **.

 

First Tagged Classic WM with the countdown to WM! Not sure if they did one before or not though. I like these because it actually explains WHY people are having matches, something we didn’t get a lot of the time in previous WM events. Some clips of Yoko dominating jobbers… and I’m fairly certain one of them is Al Snow. I see he didn’t go much further in his career… LOL. Ahhh, we get to see Beefcake getting SMASHED IN THE FACE with a briefcase. I can’t stop smiling! IRS… the original MITB Briefcase holder!

Match 1 – Shawn Michaels Vs Tatanka – IC title on the line, and Tatanka has 2 pinfall wins over the Heart Break Kid going into this match! JR’s first WM! Luna Vachon seems to be following HBK to the ring. Honestly don’t remember how when what who why they were together or anything. Sensational Sherry follows Tatanka out to the ring too. She and Shawn obviously have a history, which you will remember from my RR 93 review (GO READ IT). Shawn trying to sneak a hair pull without the ref seeing it is a fun little spot. As is Shawn ping ponging about early on as Tatanka chops him around and shit. Then Tatanka targets the left shoulder that Shawn apparently dislocated in a 6 man tag (the second match where he got the win over HBK) and I start to yawn as he just sits there doing fuck all. LEARN TO WORK A HOLD DAMMIT. Match turns to HBK’s favour when… he catches Tatanka coming off the top rope with a super kick! Lol, if that happened today it would get a massive pop and would END pretty much any match. 1993? Transitional spot. LOL. Randy Savage: SHAWN MICHAELS KNOWS WHAT HE HAS TO DO, GO FOR THE PIN. Shawn Michaels: HEADLOCK. Me: LOL. Honestly, aside from a couple of spots and Shawn’s bumping, this is dull as shit. Tatanka wins via DQ, so his undefeated streak remains but Shawn keeps the title. Can’t believe this goes nearly 20 minutes. Cut it in half and it might have been good. **.

Match 2 – The Steiner Brothers Vs The Head Shrinkers – Fatu is Rikishi for those who don’t know. Also, the long haired Steiner is indeed Scott. He’s yet to juice up to the MAX, cut his hair, and become insane. He’s still good though! Oh man, THAT hotshot spot. Ends up turning into a Flapjack right over the ropes with Scott just dying on the floor. Fatu hits more awesome superkicks. I’m actually surprised that Scott is taking such a beating. Usually any Steiner match where one of them plays FIP we are lucky to see their opponents hit 3 moves without a suplex being hit on them lol. Damn, hot tag to Rick and fuck, even he gets derailed quickly, and in a great way too. He smashes their heads together, but being SAMOAN it doesn’t hurt then, so they come back with a double head butt to him. Oh shit, how the fuck did that not end this match? Headshrinkers go for a Doomsday Device, and Rick CATCHES HIM OFF THE ROPES AND HITS A POWERSLAM WHILE ON THE SHOULDERS OF THE OTHER GUY. I legitimately said FUCK when I saw it. That seriously may be the greatest counter I have ever seen. Match then ends with a Frankensteiner from Scott, but Samu takes it shittily. Aside from that, this was a really bossy tag match. ***1/2.

Match 3 – Crush Vs Doink – Heel Doink played by Matt Bourne is seriously one of the greatest characters I’ve seen. He’s just tremendous as the sadistic clown who can go from laughing nicely to having a face that would scare anyone. His music was creepy as fuck too. I love it. Wouldn’t mind looking up his Indy stuff where he turned the heel Doink character into more of a Heath Ledger Joker. Bet he pulled it off tremendously. Match isn’t anything worth talking about. At all. Until the finish and we get TWO DOINKS OMG HOW DID THEY DO THOSE SPECIAL EFFECTS ON LIVE PPV IN 1993?!?!? Doink wins. 1/2*.

Match 4 – Razor Ramon Vs Bob Backlund – BOB’s first WM! WWF Champion for nearly 6 years, only lost it in late ’83, and took him 10 years to get on a WM card? Well, didn’t help that he left the company shortly after losing the belt lol. Still, BOB. LMAO Bob no sells the tooth pick being throw in his face. Backlund sells punches awesomely. But he’s from that old school era where punches meant something and weren’t thrown 70 times in the first minute. LMFAO poor Bob, totally MISSES a dropkick, but thankfully Razor is smart enough to not sell it. Roll up. Razor wins. Short. Nothingness. DUD.

Match 5 – Money Incorporated Vs The Mega Maniacs – A large part of me wants to skip this completely… but I dunno, kinda feel like I should watch it. Plus Brutus is liking gonna be the guy to take the beating in the match so Hogan can get the hot tag and clean house and shit. And Brutus taking a beating for a while interests me far more than it should LOL. Brutus injured himself… in a wind surfing accident or something? I forget exactly, so he needed facial surgery. That’s where the attack with the briefcase comes in to have an excuse for a protective mask on TV. And the mask looks like Kane’s current mask lol, only yellow. Repeat of last year where Hogan’s music still plays while the heels get taken out and attacked and sent out of the ring lol. Money Inc get absolutely DESTROYED, and decide to fuck off. Then randomly the ref has the power to not only count them out, but say if they don’t get back by the count of 10 they lose the tag titles. Yeah ok. Since putting a title on Hogan would be a dumb, retarded, stupid fucked up idea (…), they come back to the ring and the match continues. Well bugger me, HOGAN is the one doing the FIP. Guess since Beefcake has the bigger BEEF with Money Inc he has to be the one to get the hot tag and fuck shit up. And his face is injured. Hogan has a black eye too though, rumour has it that Bret punched him, but I don’t think that is true tbh. Bret wouldn’t have the balls. Hot tag to BEEEEEEFCAKE and… he takes a turn at being the FIP, and they even rip off his mask. Urgh. Why is this match lasting longer. I should have skipped it. They tease Hogan and Beefcake winning when Jimmy Hart puts on a ref shirt and counts the 3, but of course it isn’t official in any way. Money Inc win as a result of a DQ. I uhhh… don’t really know why because I wasn’t paying much attention. DUD.

Match 6 – Mr Perfect Vs Lex Luger – Luger is the Narsarsarsarsasis or something. LMFAO even MR PERFECT fucks up the name in a promo prior to the match. Perfect is here to make Luger look NOT PERFECT, and he does a good job using his wrestling skills to show up the Narsarsasisasisias, then goes after the leg to ground him and eliminate the power factor. And Luger… Luger looks fucking great. He bounces around nicely for Perfect, and sells his leg well while Perfect goes after it and continues to sell when he makes a comeback too, and waits a good amount of time before he stops. Luger gets worse as time goes on though, as he really starts to get slow and sluggish towards the end of the match. Maybe he was blown up, not sure, but he managed to keep going and shit so at least he was still trying lol. Structure of the match was really weird, especially given the build for Lex. Perfect controls WAY too much of the match, then even has to get pinned with his legs on the ropes but the ref didn’t see them to break up the count. He gets knocked out afterwards, but still, was way more of a Mr Perfect show than a Lex show that it probably should have been. Still, this was a solid match. **.

Match 7 – The Undertaker Vs The Giant Gonzalez – The Undertaker was now one of the biggest faces in the company, but instead of being in the WWF Title scene, was being fed to misfit monsters, with one of the absolute worst ever being Giant Gonzalez. Gonzalez made his debut at the 1993 Royal Rumble, not as a participant in the match, but simply to destroy The Undertaker and take him out of the match. The Undertaker was near 7 foot tall, but Gonzalez was said to be nearly 8 foot tall! This lead to many beat downs for The Undertaker, as for the first time in his career, he was the underdog. The match starts with a stare down (or stare “up” for The Undertaker lol), before Gonzalez nails The Undertaker with a clubbing blow, only for The Undertaker to be unaffected! Gonzalez keeps trying to hit The Undertaker, but the Dead Man uses all the built up frustration to take the fight right to the giant. Eventually the size difference comes into play, and Gonzalez has The Undertaker right where he wants him… which unfortunately for us is a boring rest hold :p. The crowd still seem to be into the match though, thanks to the popularity of The Undertaker during this time. They continue to cheer him on as he takes a beating from Gonzalez, including some spots with the steel steps on the outside. The Undertaker finally makes a comeback, and the crowd roars when he finally takes the giant down to his knees! Wippleman, Gonzalez’s manager, gets on the apron and throws a towel to Gonzalez! The Undertaker grabs Harvey, while Gonzalez knocks out Paul Bearer so he can’t interfere while he shoves the towel (covered in ether or something like that) into The Undertaker’s face! The referee calls for the bell, and The Undertaker goes 3-0 at WrestleMania thanks to a DQ (the first and only non Submission/Pinfall victory for The Undertaker at WrestleMania!). Gonzalez then proceeds to take out the referee, while The Undertaker is taken out on a stretcher. Gonzalez celebrates in the ring, until a gong goes off, and The Undertaker returns to the ring! He finally takes down the giant for the first time in his WWF career, and sends him to the outside! Nice way to finish the match IMO. The Undertaker still won, but Gonzalez got put over BIG TIME by manhandling The Undertaker and sending him away on a stretcher, while the fans left happy when ‘Taker returned and sent Gonzalez down and out of the ring. I don’t know if it’s because I am biased towards The Undertaker or not, but this didn’t seem as bad as I remembered it. It was shorter than I remembered it too, which helps lol. It’s still up there as one of The Undertaker’s WORST WrestleMania matches, but I don’t think it’s a DUD. It was a change of pace at this point in time to see The Undertaker as the underdog (which unfortunately got overdone for most of his career following this lol), having to fight the bigger/stronger opponent. Keeping it relatively short was key, as Gonzalez couldn’t work a long match (and I don’t mean he couldn’t last long without getting too tired or anything, I don’t know that. I mean that if he went too long it would make an already bad match even worse :p ). The ending wasn’t great, mainly because it led to a rematch, but the aftermath was decent enough. 3/4*.

LMFAO Todd is interviewing fans and shit, and he basically mocks some kid for having big ears, asks him where he’s from, the kid doesn’t reply so he literally PUSHES HIM OUT OF THE WAY to talk to two guys in togas.

Match 8 – Bret Hart Vs Yokozuna – WWF Title is on the line. Don’t believe I’ve ever watched this. Not many people can have a good match with Yoku, but Bret is one of those guys I’d believe could do so. Phew, not much time left on the show, so this would be dragged out too much haha. Bret trying to go behind Yoko for a waist lock only for Yoko to twist around and send him flying was awesome. Man, this is off to a flyer and Bret looks to be hitting harder than usual and Yoko isn’t exactly wrestling light, excuse the pun. Everything looks really snug and good. This might turn out to be alright lol. Gets a little boring with Yoko just going for a nerve grip (what is it with big fatty wrestlers and that fucking nerve grip???), but Bret makes some nice comebacks to stop me from falling asleep and shit. Great set up into the sharpshooter; Bret is on the ropes and Yoko is trying to pull him off, so he holds onto the turnbuckle pad and it ends up getting ripped off. Bret manages to smash Yoko’s face into it, and while he’s down on his stomach, Bret locks in the submission hold! But Fuji throws salt into his eyes and Yoko capitalises on it and wins the title! This was good. Not great or anything, but for 10 minutes and a bunch of nerve grips its good. **1/2.

Match 9 – Yokozuna Vs Hulk Hogan – Well, can’t have a heel leave with the title at WM can we? Bret could have retained…  but nah, HOGAN SHOULD WIN IT! Mr Fuji challenges Hogan, Bret says go for it, and in about 20 seconds Hogan beats the unstoppable monster and wins the title. Talk about a load of utter bullshit. DUD.

 

WM 7 was… a great event. Some good matches, then plenty of fun matches that suffered from a lack of time due to 14 matches on the card. This year they’ve cut it down to 9 matches! Some great matches on paper, and more time given to them no doubt. Should be good!

Match 1 – El Matador Vs Shawn Michaels – The first singles match at WM for the self proclaimed “Mr WrestleMania” (huh, I say that like I don’t think it myself… how odd right?)! El Matador is of course Tito Santana. I have no idea why they changed his name or anything. Maybe to try and freshen him up since he’s been around for some time now. Fuck knows. Referee has a killer bowl cut. And by killer I mean he probably killed whoever gave it to him. So the match early on revolves around a headlock (a HBK match at WM starting with a headlock period? Now where have I seen that…). LMFAO Shawn keeps rolling Tito over into a pin attempt while he’s in the headlock, and at one point the REFEREE actually shoved him back over out of the pin and back into the headlock! HBK finally escapes the headlock, mounts a little offence on Santana and then… reverse chin lock! LOL. Tito escapes only to walk right into REVERSE CRECENT KICK. Not as catchy as Sweet Chin Music haha. SIDE SUPLEX ATTEMPT! Damn, poor HBK couldn’t get his finisher. LMAO. Times were certainly different. Superkick isn’t the finish, but oh shit, watch out for that Side Suplex! Finish was pretty shitty lol. Rest was good though. Nice start to HBK’s singles WM career. **1/2.

Match 2 – The Undertaker Vs Jake Roberts – A lot had changed since the last WrestleMania. The Undertaker was now a babyface, and also a former WWF Champion! The Undertaker and Jake had a short alliance, with The Undertaker helping Jake in his feud with The Ultimate Warrior. Eventually though, The Undertaker turned on Jake, helping out Randy Savage and Elizabeth when Jake was about to attack them. The pre-match promo by Jake was great, as he talked about his recent actions on the Funeral Parlour (The Undertaker & Paul Bearer’s “talk show” segment). Jake trapped The Undertaker’s hands in a coffin, and proceeded to DDT Paul Bearer, then hit The Undertaker in the back with a steel chair, not once but twice! However, The Undertaker did not go down, which would have any normal man worried. Jake, however, was not normal. He claimed that once he lands the DDT, not even The Undertaker can survive! A very different start to this WrestleMania match for The Undertaker. He begins by stalking his opponent, missing numerous attempts at grabbing Jake, and taking a lot of punches. All of which had no effect. Jake sends The Undertaker over the ropes, but he lands on his feet, drags Jake out and throws him into the ring post! Roberts is persistent though, and continues to dodge The Undertaker’s attacks and keeps throwing quick jabs at him. Throughout all of this, The Undertaker seemingly has just one direction; forward. No matter what Roberts does to him, he keeps moving forward, moving towards Jake, until he finally gets his hands on him (or rather hand on his neck ). The pop The Undertaker got last year as a heel when he landed his leaping lariat is nothing compared to the one he gets now as a face. A Tombstone looks to be next for Roberts, but he reverses it into a DDT! The Undertaker is OUT! Roberts takes his time, looking very pleased with himself, but The Undertaker SITS UP! Jake doesn’t waste any time, as he lands a second DDT! With The Undertaker down a second time, Jake thinks he is out for good, and goes after Paul Bearer! AGAIN The Undertaker sits up, and goes to the outside to save his manager. TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER ON THE FLOOR! By today’s standards, that’s pretty brutal, but for 1991, it was EPIC. And a little fun fact, the Tombstone was supposed to take place inside the ring, but Jake changed the finish as to make him seem “stronger” on his way out, as he wouldn’t be beaten with a finisher in the middle of the ring. The Undertaker drags a lifeless Jake back into the ring, and The Streak continues! Not exactly a technical classic, but the way both guys play to their characters is great. The Undertaker wants his hands on Jake for what he did to him and Paul at the Funeral Parlour, and Jake knows he needs to avoid The Undertaker and wear him down as much as possible so he can land the DDT. Speaking of the DDT… it might be a basic move these days, but back then, it was death. When Jake hit the DDT, a match was OVER. So for The Undertaker to sit up from not one, but TWO DDT’s, that was impressive as hell, and showed the world that The Undertaker was someone to watch. Certainly not one of his best WrestleMania matches, but probably a personal favourite of mine, since I love both guys, and felt they did an awesome job too. **.

Match 3 – Bret Hart Vs Rowdy Roddy Piper – IC title time! Piper won the belt from the Mountie at the RR after The Mountie cheated to win it from Bret while Bret had the flu or some shit. Piper’s first title in the WWF! Both are friends and babyfaces, but the title means everything to both men. Piper is known as the brawler, Bret the wrestler, so it was a surprise to see Piper WRESTLING in the early going rather than throwing potatoes! Piper proves that he isn’t just a brawler, and at the time same likely throwing Bret off his game as he wouldn’t have expected this out of the Hot Rod. But of course Bret is still the better “wrestler” at keeps managing to reverse Piper, and they do a real nice sequence where Bret has control of the arm and Piper is trying everything to right out of it but Bret just won’t let go. Things get aggressive and both men end up on the floor. Piper holds the ropes open for Bret, who is not very trusting of his “friend”, but goes through anyway. Piper seems to have cooled down and them BAM. Sucker punch. Piper is gonna do anything to keep this title, and I love it. Bret goes head first into the steel steps and blades, but does it in a way that he convinces even a doctor backstage that it was done the “hard way” as WWF had a no blood policy at the time and people blading would get a fine. PIPER UNLOADS ALL OVER BRET’S FACE. Do the commentators NOT hear themselves sometimes? People unload all over other people ALL THE TIME in wrestling lol. Seriously, I don’t think there is a single show in existence (WWF/E anyway), where someone isn’t unloading on someone else LOL. Big double clothesline and both men are down, but this gives Bret some time to recover and mount a comeback. Piper is great at countering the Sharpshooter and then the elbow from the ropes, as he shows that he knows Bret extremely well (pre-match promo was Piper talking about his history with Bret and the Hart family). Even with blood pouring down his face, Bret just isn’t staying down. The ref gets taken out, and Piper decides to go back to his old heelish ways to win, and brings in the ring bell. The fans are begging him not to use it, so Piper throws it away and goes to his trusty sleeper hold to win this one legit! Bret counters with a rollup, the ref counts the 3 and Bret regains the IC title! Great match. Piper struggling with his “dark side” so to speak was done really well. Liked this more than my previous watch. Not by too much, but enough to bump my rating a little at least. ***3/4.

LEX LUGER! The fuck is he doing here? He didn’t debut until the 1993 RR nearly a year later! He’s here for that Body Building promotion that Vince started up LMAO. He was going to be a guest poser or something at one of the events, but got in a car crash and when he recovered, the promotion was out of business. Ah well. I’m sure the XFL will do better…

Match 4 – The Big Bossman, Sgt Slaughter, Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Virgil Vs The Nasty Boys, The Mountie & Repo Man – Ray Combs (some TV show host back in the day… Family Fortunes or something, might be a different name in America?) is the guest ring announcer. He’s making a bunch of jokes at the expense of the heels, and gets jumped but he escapes just in time. He was pretty funny tbh. Some nice spots to begin the match, making use of having 4 guys on the teams. Hoping this doesn’t go long tbh. One too many HOOOOOOS for that man right there. Commentary continues to be awesome lol. Bossman completely misses a punch on Saggs from the apron, but Saggs is NASTY enough to sell it anyway lol. Poor Slaughter, main evented last year as Champion, now he’s in an 8 man tag. Repo man gets punched in the balls. Highlight of the night no doubt. Virgil gets all cocky and does some feet shuffling like he’s some real boxer, and gets clotheslined from behind by The Mountie. SERVES him right, don’t you think? Bossman literally just strolls into the ring at one point to catch The Mountie coming off the ropes before he can land on Virgil. Seriously, he just fucking strolls in, stands in front of Mountie, catches him and slams him down. Then we go to a finish and Virgil gets the win for his team. This was fun. Not too long or anything, I liked it. **.

Match 5 – Ric Flair Vs Randy Savage – Main event time for the WWF Title… oh wait, middle of the card. Never mind, should be good regardless! Didn’t Savage retire last year? I’d best knock some STARS off the Warrior/Savage match since he didn’t live up to his word (inside joke that about 10 people will get… and MAYBE 2 of them will read any of this lol). So Savage is out for REVENGE on Flair for talking shit about Liz and some other shizzle. But the title is on the line too, so what will he decide on in the end? Beating UP Flair, or simply BEATING Flair for the belt? I say, why not both? And I think Savage will agree with me! Heenan on commentary any time Flair is in the ring is just awesome. So Savage is HOT and wants to kill Flair, and as we all know, being blinded by hate can cause you to make mistakes, and Flair takes full advantage and goes to town on the Macho Man WOOOOOOOOO! Some awkward spots here than there, mainly the bit where Flair comes off the ropes and Savage catches him with a clothesline. Looked like Flair was expecting a shot to the stomach so he could do the old flip over when he lands spot. Instead he crashes head first into the forearm of Savage lol. Fans sound legit pissed when Flair kicks out too haha. Flair BLADES, which gets him a fine, unlike Bret who was convincing enough to avoid a fine lol. But I guess Flair didn’t care, he likes to get colour especially in big matches. And if Flair can’t bleed at WM in a WWF Title match, then where can he? FLYING ELBOW! This one is over… but no! Mr Perfect drags him out of the ring (how the ref didn’t see it I’ll never know), and Flair’s title is saved for the time being. PLASTIC KNUCKS! Right to the face. Flair may be bleeding, but between Mr Perfect, plastic knucks (supposed to be brass I guess?) and a steel chair, the advantage goes right back to the champ. SHANE MCMAHON APPEARENCE. I marked. He’s one of the people who follow Liz out to try and convince her to go back to the locker room. But she’s no help as Savage is stuck in a Figure Four lol. Savage rolls Flair up for the 3. New champ. Match is good. Isn’t great. Probably liked it a little less tbh lol. Just has a weird structure to me. Don’t know what it is though. Eh. Still good like I said. ***1/2.

Match 6 – Rick Martel Vs Tatanka – NO.

Match 7 – Money Incorporated Vs The Natural Disasters – Tag titles time. Loved me some Natural Disasters as a kid. Heenan’s jab at a women with a ND sign is hilarious. Money Inc get destroyed early on, as they couldn’t get past the strength and weight of their opponents. DiBiase gets stuck on the ropes and Typhoon runs at him… so DiBiase tried to pull the ropes down, but Typhoon isn’t able to fall over them at first. He ends up pretty much throwing himself over lol. Now Money Inc can work over  Typhoon a little. Hot tag and Money Inc are on the ropes again. BIG SPLASH. But Typhoon isn’t legal, so Earthquake goes to hit his to finish the job. Instead Money Inc grab IRS and leave with the belts. Countout win for the Disasters. Eh. This kinda blew. DUD.

Match 8 – Owen Hart Vs The Skinner – Owen wins. DUD.

Match 9 – Hulk Hogan Vs Sid Justice – Main event time. Hulk’s “last match”. LOL. Sid eliminated Hogan FAIR AND SQUARE in the RR match in Jan. Hogan is a bitch and eliminated Sid after he was out of the match. And somehow Sid is the bad guy here. LOL. LMFAO Sid gets absolutely destroyed while Hogan’s music is still playing and he’s still technically doing his entrance. Poor guy. Pretty much the only thing this match has going for it is the crowd. Hogan/Warrior is more TECHNICALLY SOUND that this lol. CHOKESLAM. Is this the first chokeslam in WM history? Undertaker isn’t using it yet, so I think it might be. You know something? Scratch what I said before… SID is the great part of this match, not just the crowd. Sure, he sucks at like, doing moves, but his facials, taunting the crowd and talking shit to the camera is awesome as fuck. POWERBOMB TO HOGAN. NO SELL FROM HOGAN. LEG DROP TO SID. KICK OUT FROM SID. PAPA SHANGO SHOWS UP LATE. ULTIMATE WARRIOR RETURNS. Match is fun, nothing more really. **.

 

WrestleMania Goes American! Gulf War, Slaughter a turn coat, Hogan the real American hero, you get the idea. WM was going to be held in some huge arena in an attempt to create a new attendance record… but ticket sales sucked so they have to move. Then claimed it was because Slaughter had numerous threats on his life and they were afraid something might happen in the other arena. But they were safe in a small arena… ok.

Match 1 – The Rockers Vs Haku & Barbarian – This should be fucking FUN. Faces of Fear (their WCW name) Vs The Rockers. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. No Ventura on commentary :(. Instead… Hacksaw Jim Duggan? How… random. Then again, the whole American theme for WM… makes a little sense. Awesome clothesline from Haku to take out both Rockers, then nice double superkick to him when he tries again and they counter! Nice contrast of styles, with the 2 power wrestlers against the 2 high flyers. I like how The Rockers use double team moves all the time just to take down one guy, and I like how they try again but it backfired and FoF get a double team move in of their own and murder poor Marty. Oh, and LMFAO at Barbarian reacting to a punch that didn’t happen. Marty hits a quick jab during a comeback attempt, and Barb thinks he’s going for another so he feeds his head in then snaps back… meanwhile Marty hits a kick to the gut LOL. Nice hot tag, nice finishing stretch. Rockers get the win. This is a good tag match and a boat load of fucking fun. ***

Match 2 – Kerry Von Eric Vs Dino Bravo – Kerry has that stupid Texas Tornado name going, which for a time they would ONLY refer to him as that, but here they announce him as KVE too. This one gets off to a chaotic start, kinda like a… twister… no that’s not right. Whirlpool? Bah, who cares. Bravo just fucking creams Von Eric. Really takes the fight to him… then slows the match down to a snails pace. Yey…  Bravo hits his awesomely lame finisher (side slam) and OMG Kerry kicks out. Little back and forth, Kerry hits the big discus punch after applying THE CLAW and it’s over. Short. Starts off good, slows down for about a minute then goes to a finish. Nothing bad. Nothing good. Too short to be anything really worth seeing, but being so short means you won’t feel like it was a waste. 1/2*.

Match 3 – The Warlord Vs The British Bulldog – Warlord looks like a roided up Steve Austin. Yeah, I’ve said it a bunch of times before. Get over it. It’s still true dammit. Slick managing Warlord seems… odd. They don’t fit tbh. Slick should have cocky, sleazy heels or dancing fools like Akeem, not some muscle bound monster. Still, better than being managed by a dog. Match is all about whether or not Bulldog can escape the Full Nelson. He can. Warlord looks shocked. Bulldog hits the powerslam. And it’s over. Short match. For the best I guess. 1/4*.

Match 4 – The Nasty Boys Vs The Hart Foundation – I remember this being really good. Hope it holds up! Macaulay Culkin is in the audience and we see him on camera before this match starts. Oh man, they should have done a Home Alone where the Nasty Boys were trying to break into his house. WOULD HAVE BEEN EPIC I TELLS YA! A somewhat lengthy babyface shine period to begin with, but some double team cheating and the Nasty’s are in control and really take the fight to Bret while The Anvil goes fucking insane on the apron desperate to get in there. Some real fucking sweet comeback attempts from Bret and cut off spots from the Nasty Boys, and plenty of tags made by Bret that didn’t officially happen because the ref was out of position to see it. Real nice basic tag 101 stuff, done in a way that is far from basic. They tease a finish with the megaphone when it backfires on the Nasty Boys, as well as the Nasty Boys having some miscommunication spots, but in the end the megaphone finally puts away the Hart Foundation and we got us some new tag champs! Great tag match. I’m liking this WM so far! Nasty’s and Jimmy Hart losing their shit because they won the gold is amazing. ***1/2

Match 5 – Rick Martel Vs Jake Roberts – Blindfold match! Great story behind this one, and if anyone can pull of a match where both guys are blindfolded, its Jake fucking Roberts. Incredible Jake promo before the match. Short, but intense as fuck. People aren’t going to like this match, no doubt. Some will, but I’d bet most won’t. They can’t see. They don’t do fancy sequences and holds and whatnot. They just wander about, listening to the crowd (they help Jake but not Martel which is cool), and try to find each other. And the crowd are eating this shit up, which makes it entirely watchable and somewhat fun too. Can you imagine them trying it today? The fans would probably be so fucking quiet it would kill the match lol. DDT from Jake and thankfully this is kept nice and short. It’s unique and somewhat works, but not something I’d point to as a good Jake Robert match or anything haha. *.

Match 6 – The Undertaker Vs Jimmy Snuka – The beginning of The Streak. The Undertaker had been with the company for less than 6 months, but was already featured in a match at the biggest event of the year against an extremely popular babyface, and someone who was involved in the main event of the FIRST ever WrestleMania 7 years prior. Not only was this The Undertaker’s first WrestleMania, it was also his first singles PPV match! As The Undertaker makes his way down to the ring, with Paul Bearer and the urn in front, I am very surprised by the rather HUGE pop The Undertaker gets when his music hits, and his name his announced! The guy is supposed to be a heel lol. But then again, who can honestly boo such awesomeness? The Undertaker just stands and stares at his opponent, not moving a muscle until he sees a chance to attack Snuka from behind while he tries to climb the ropes and play to the crowd. It’s all downhill from that point on, with The Undertaker constantly on the offense, including landing his soon to be signature leaping lariat. Again, I am surprised at the pop for The Undertaker, this time as he lands a massive suplex to his opponent! Snuka finally gets an opening for some offense, but a spring board cross body results in a Tombstone Piledriver! 1-0 for The Undertaker! There isn’t much to this match really. It’s short, and seemingly has no feud to it either. It’s basically an aging superstar being squashed by a newcomer who would eventually become one of the absolute biggest legends in the history of the industry. *.

Match 7 – Randy Savage Vs The Ultimate Warrior – Retirement match time! This match gets some major pimpage from a lot of people, especially those whose opinion I value when it comes to wrestling. However, it’s never been a match I’ve thought was that great. Will this watch change my mind? We shall see! Oh, and who happens to be in the audience? Why, it’s Miss Elizabeth! Savage dumped her last year and became the MACHO KING and joined forced with Sensational Sherry. Warrior puts over the importance of this one by simply not running 100 miles an hour down to the ring. He takes his time, saves his energy, because he knows he’s gonna need it all for this one. Savage gets destroyed right from the start. Sherry tries to help out, but the first distraction leads to nothing and the second time she gets involved sends her crashing to the outside. Oh man, Warrior KNOWS how dominant he is right now. He catches Savage coming off the ropes and holds him there, then just puts him down and slaps him right in the face, telling Savage to FIGHT LIKE A MAN dammit. Ironically it’s Warrior that takes himself out of this match, going face first right into the steel post. Sherry attacks him on the outside, and just bends right over in front of the camera, and well, he outfit isn’t very long and… yeah, nice view haha. Then she gets on the apron and bends over again lol. Guess she likes showing off? Warrior is hard to keep down for long though, as he keeps making comebacks. Sherry comes off the ropes trying to nail Warrior in the head with her shoe, but of course he moves and Savage gets taken out. Warrior is far too concerned with taking out Sherry to cover Savage, allowing Savage the time to recover. Both guys are exhausted, but Savage still has a little left in the tank. ELBOW DROP. ELBOW DROP. ELBOW DROP. ELBOW DROP. ELBOW DROP. KICK OUT. LOL. Savage cannot believe that someone not only kicked out of his finisher… but FIVE? This is how much Warrior’s career means to him. Nothing is going to stop him. Warrior begins to Warrior Up, hits the Press Slam, the Big Splash and this one is… NOT OVER!SAVAGE KICKED OUT! SAVAGE KICKED OUT! And this is where we get that awesome moment of Warrior looking to the heavens, asking them what he has to do, wondering if he can in face do it. He begins to doubt himself. Maybe it’s his time to go. Maybe he’s no longer the ULTIMATE Warrior. Warrior begins to walk away, believing that he’s done, but Savage doesn’t want that. He wants to BEAT the Warrior and END his career for real. Nice callback to the Savage feud, trying to crush his throat on the guardrail, but the Warrior has a change of heart, and realises that his time is NOT over yet! Like Savage went overkill with the Elbow Drops, Warrior goes overkill with running Shoulder Blocks, sending Savage out of the ring after each, then finally letting it all end and pinning Savage. Warrior wins, and Savage’s career is OVER! Sherry is pissed and turns on Savage afterwards, leading to Miss Liz coming to his aid and reuniting them! Incredible match. Loved this way more than before that’s for sure. ****1/2.

Match 8 – Koji Kitao & Genichiro Tenryu Vs Demolition – TENRYU AT WRESTLEMANIA!!! LMAO I on’t think he even cares about his tag partner, who gets attacked from behind before the bell… and Tenryu just stands on the apron not even attempting to help. Mr Fuji hits Koji with his walking stick. Tenryu continues to not give a fuck lol. Oh man, imagine if they shuffled things around a bit and we got TENRYU Vs The Rockers? Eeeeee Tenryu got tagged in. Unfortunately he’s the one taking a beating. Bah. He should have just grumpily kicked people then tagged out and let Koji take the offence. FUCK ME. Tenryu POWERBOMB’S one of Demolition! And this match is over! TENRYU WINS AT WRESTLEMANIA. This WM is really shaping up to be fucking awesome. Shame this match wasn’t that good though lol. But I liked it because of TENRYU. *.

Match 9 – Mr Perfect Vs The Big Bossman – IC Title on the line! Oh man, Perfect takes the GOAT bump from a slap EVER. You know when people turn inside out on a clothesline? Well Perfect does that for a SLAP. On the floor. This could be a ton of fun with Bossman tossing Perfect around, Perfect bumping all over the place, then going into a cool finish or something. Hope we don’t get TOO LONG with Perfect controlling or anything tbh, even if he is the heel and it’s kinda his job to control the match. DAMN, Bossman’s bump into the steel steps looks vicious. Actually thought he hurt himself for real. Maybe he did. ANDRE! ANDRE THE GIANT IS HERE! For some reason Andre walks around with the IC title… then smashes it into Perfect’s face! Bossman is down though after going head first into an exposed turnbuckle, not too long after the stairs bump. Perfect is in real trouble of losing his title, so Faces of Fear come down and cause a DQ. More awesome bumping from Perfect as he takes a shot from ANDRE, who helps Bossman run off the heels. Fuck me this was fun. **.

Match 10 – Earthquake Vs Greg Valentine – Guessing Valentine turned on HTM and Jimmy Hart at some point lol. Last year he was dressed live Elvis and playing guitar. This year he has to face the monster Earthquake. Valentine tries to take down the big Earthquake, and the crowd pop when he finally does. Attempts a Figure Four, but between the thick legs of ‘Quake and Jimmy Hart constantly distracting him, Valentine eventually falls to the extreme weight of his opponent. They kept it short so I can’t say anything bad about this tbh lol. 1/4*.

Match 11 – The Legion of Doom Vs Power & Glory – LMFAO, Paul Roma; early 90’s version of Garrett Bischoff! Do P&G stand ANY chance of winning? Of course they fucking don’t Roma is SQUASHED in like a minute. For that reason alone, it avoids the dud rating LOL! 1/4*.

Match 12 – Ted DiBiase Vs Virgil – They make a bigger deal out of Piper being in Virgil’s corner than they do out of Virgil LOL. And rightfully so. Virgil takes a while to come out. Guess he was in a subway trying to sell his merchandise! Virgil is dressed like a boxer, and basically boxes DiBiase at the start. DiBiase is of course pissed that he’s being shown up by his former “slave” for lack of better term (though that’s really what this angle was all about), so when he gets the chance he starts to “wrestle” his former employee and starts to beat him down once he has control. Piper is using a crutch since he was recently involved in a car crash and injured his knee. DiBiase pushes him and he falls back and cracks his knee on the chair. Not sure if it was suppose to happen like that or not, but it looked NASTY. So Piper retaliates by using his crutch to pull down the ropes, and DiBiase ends up on the outside going after Piper… and gets counted out! Virgil wins his big revenge match, but DiBiase locks in the Million Dollar Dream and takes out his former employee before Piper can stop him. Then Sherry shows up and Piper gets beat down too! Virgil eventually manages to make the save. This wasn’t too long, Virgil gets the win, DiBiase gets to look strong in defeat… all in all good stuff for the time it got. *.

Match 13 – Tito Santana Vs The Mountie – First and only match on the card I’m saying no to. NO.

Match 14 – Sgt Slaughter Vs Hulk Hogan – WWF Title on the line. America Vs Iran? Iraq? Hogan Vs Slaughter. That’s all that matters. A STEEL CHAIR IN THE HANDS OF SLAUGHTER. It’s clearly wood with a padded seat. LOL. Man, some awesome stalling and heel schtick from Slaughter here. They barely fucking touch for like 10 minutes, which is half the match. Slaughter has plenty of heat, then Hogan gets great reactions when he begins to dominate Slaughter who is a tremendous bumper for someone his size. Slaughter finally DOES use a steel chair… and uhhh… is this No DQ? Because the referee is watching this whole thing. Slaughter even chokes Hogan out with a cable. And the ref just does the 10 count because they are out of the ring. Ok. Slaughter does a real fucking great job of beating down Hogan, and Hogan sells everything tremendously. He’s a great seller for the most part, he just forgets about it all when he Hulks up, hits the big boot and leg drop lol. But before all of that (guessing that’s the finish anyway lol), he sells awesomely. Getting some colour adds to it too. Hulk Up comeback is actually done pretty nicely, with Slaughter covering him in the… flag that he supports now lol… and Hogan kicks out, realises what was covering them, tears it up and hits the big boot and leg drop to vanquish the evil and win back the WWF Title. Good match! ***.

 

Why are these early WM’s jam packed full of matches? Seriously, they are averaging at around 13 matches per show. 13. With 2 hour 40 minutes roughly per show. And there are backstage interviews and all that other shit thrown in too. Leaving not much time for the matches. So instead of potentially 8 strong matches, we get around 10 shitty matches with hardly any time and a couple of decent ones. Bah.

Oh man, the video package to kick this show off is awesome. UNIVERSE. STARS. IMAGES. HOGAN. WARRIOR. LOL.

Match 1 – Koko B Ware Vs Rick Martel – LMFAO I had this on at the same time I was posting on a forum. I wrote about 3 lines, and this was already over! DUD.

Match 2 – Demolition Vs Andre The Giant & Haku – One of Andre’s last matches ever if I remember correctly. Certainly his 2nd to last major match anyway (last being SummerSlam later in the year). Poor Andre can barely even walk around the ring without holding onto the rope all the time. No expecting ANYTHING from this match, but HAKU against 2 other big guys? Potential for some STIFF shots. Damn, nothing worth writing about. Andre doesn’t even get tagged in. He just comes in at the end, gets tied up in the ropes, allowing Demolition to pin Haku. Andre face turn so he can retire (later in the year, anyway) as a good guy. DUD.

Match 3 – Earthquake Vs Hercules – EARTHQUAKE. A fav of mine when I was a kid. So naturally I’m gonna watch this even though I predict it’ll be SHIT. Yeah, this was shit. LOL. DUD.

Match 4 – Mr Perfect Vs Brutus The Barber Beefcake – Seriously? It’s Mr Perfect so I’m gonna watch… but his WM opponent is fucking BRUTAL THE BARBER BEEEEEEFCAKE? And yes, I meant to spell it as BRUTAL. Because that’s the best way to describe the guy. Fucking brutal. Fuck you Hogan for giving this guy any sort of career. This match is pretty much Perfect just bouncing around and wrestling himself. Even beats himself by flying into the ring post head first. But Brutus is announced as the winner. Fuck him. Perfect was awesome though. 3/4*.

Match 5 – Rowdy Roddy Piper Vs Bad News Brown – So Piper is half black. Fuck me this sucks. And then ends in a double countout. Urgh. Why? DUD.

Match 6 – The Hart Foundation Vs The Bolsheviks – Ends in under a minute. DUD.

Match 7 – Tito Santana Vs The Barbarian – NO.

Match 8 – Randy Savage & Sensational Sherry Vs Dusty Rhodes & Sapphire – FUCK. THIS. SHIT. NO.

Match 9 – The Rockers Vs The Orient Express – This was AWESOME at the RR a couple of months earlier. Can they do it again? God I hope so. This event so far has been DIRE. Ahhhh, finally, a match I can ENJOY on this show. Good stuff here, though not on the level of their RR match (not many tag matches are tbh). HBK as FIP is always win, some nice moves from the Orient Express, good double team stuff… and the finish… while being a shitty countout loss for The Rockers, was done awesomely. Marty gets salt thrown in his eyes, then just flops about on the floor and falls over the guard rail and into the front row. Has to be seen, it’s fucking hilariously awesome. Shawn walking past him asking if he’s ok and just carrying on is EPIC. ***1/4.

Match 10 – Dino Bravo Vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan – I don’t think so Tim. NO.

Match 11 – Ted DiBiase Vs Jake Roberts – Yes. This has potential for awesomeness. These 2 have an awesome match in 85 Mid-South that I really fucking love. Hoping this is just as good. Jake looks great early on, but the fact they know each other well comes into play when DiBiase is able to counter the knee lift of Jake and fuck, Jake takes a crazy bump into the corner from it. PILEDRIVER. DiBiase looks pleased and wastes time gloating, allowing Roberts the time to kick out. But the effects of the Piledriver are still on Jake, so we get DiBiase beating down the Snake some more. MILLION DOLLAR DREAM. Jake however is a pro and is able to manoeuvre near the ropes, so even when he gets taken to the mat, he can hook the ropes with his leg and escape the hold, as well as a pin fall attempt. DiBiase is a great cocky bastard here, but his constant stalling continues to allow Jake the chance to recover and make a comeback, and of course Roberts sells the effects of the Piledriver and Million Dollar Dream all the way. DDT time! But DiBiase is also a pro and figures a way to counter! He grabs the ref’s leg and holds on, and while the ref is trying to get him off, Virgil takes Jake through the ropes and to the outside. Million Dollar Dream! Jake crashed them both into the ring post, but Virgil being there for DiBiase allows him to gain a little help in getting back to the ring before the 10 count. Jake loses though. Match was good. Not great, but good. ***.

Match 12 – Akeem Vs The Big Bossman – Why does this match interest me so much? Akeem is hilarious as the “African Dream”. He does the exact same dance move with his arms constantly, and that’s like, his entire gimmick. How can Slick be a heel manager with THAT theme song? So bloody catchy. Speaking of catchy themes… HE CARRIES A BIG STICK, A BALL AND CHAIN TOO! Bossman face theme is GOAT. DiBiase appears from out of nowhere and attacks the Bosman before the match can begin! Slam on the floor, sent into the steel post then thrown into the ring to start the match! Akeem now has a big advantage. Holy fuck, Bossman doesn’t just kick out of the first pin attempt… HE POWERS OUT. AKEEM FLIES OFF OF BOSSMAN. LOOK AT THIS POWER MOV… well he tried one anyway. LMAO MONSOON IS AWESOME. Looked like Bossman was trying to turn the 10 punches in the corner into a reverse atomic drop, but Akeem was too heavy and just kinda fell and Bossman’s legs collapsed on him. Bossman slam, and this is over. Short and sweet. I enjoyed this far too much than I should have lol. **.

HONKA HONKA HONKA HONKY LOVE! DDP! He’s driving his very own Pink Cadillac to the ring with Honky Tonk Man and his entourage. He agreed to let them use his car and I *think* he even did it for free, as long as he could drive it and be part of the show. Honky Tonk Man might be a fairly shitty wrestler that I’m not really a fan of, but fuck, I love the HTM gimmick. Entertaining as FUCK. Is that… is that Greg Valentine with Honky? Fuck me, it is. LMFAO at Valentine, THE HAMMER, dressed like Elvis jamming out on his guitar while Honky sings. Rhythm and Blues is their team name/band name. The Bushwhackers are randomly there trying to sell merchandise. I… I guess they have some kind of problem with R&B. They run them off then trash their equipment. Odd, random, fun.

Match 13 – Rick Rude Vs Jimmy Snuka – I love Rude, but no. I can’t watch Snuka wrestler. Guy is terrible. NO.

Match 14 – Hulk Hogan Vs The Ultimate Warrior – WWF Title Vs IC Title. The first major Face vs Face match  that I can remember, at least in WWF. Just being the main event of WM probably makes it bigger than any others that have taken place before in any other promotions tbh. Warrior looks like a retard. He’s just stood with his mouth wide open. Crowd are going more nuts for these two pushing each other than they have for ANYTHING else before it. Simples times. I miss em. LMFAO at them locking up. Both pressing against each other, shaking and screaming. I’m sure everyone has seen the animated GIF of the knuckle lock with Warrior… uhhh… looking like he’s doing something to Hogan. It’s just as hilarious seeing it in full rather than the edited GIF. Match is just a total spectacle. Hey Rock/Cena, take notes. THIS is how you do a big epic spectacle match. Not that fucking trash you did at WM 28,a and will likely do again at WM 29. Things are kept simple; punches, slams, elbow drops, clotheslines. Mainly because that’s kinda all either man has in their arsenal lol, but also because they don’t need to do SHIT and the fans will react like it’s the greatest thing ever. Couple of dull moments where Hogan goes for a rest hold, then Warrior goes for one too (fucking Bear Hug), but the crowd are still with them at least, and they do some entertaining stuff in between them too. Some nice false finishes near the end, with both guys technically getting a 3 count on each other but the ref was down. Was this match the beginning of the big false finish/finish reversal WWF/E style main event matches? Other than Hogan no selling finishers, I really can’t recall a WWF match doing a finish like this. So kudos to them, because they do it really well, and while the style CAN be overused and done wrong, when it’s done right it’s fucking INCREDIBLE and has lead to a bunch of great matches and moments. Warrior finally wins in the end, and becomes the new WWF Champion! Great match. Could have been better without those rest holds (which I truly believe were used as REST holds here), but everything else was great. Best WM Main Event so far. ***3/4.

 

THE MEGAPOWERS EXPLODE!

Match 1 – Haku Vs Hercules – NO.

Match 2 – The Rockers Vs The Twin Towers – 2 massive guys vs The Rockers? Fuck yes! Should make up for the fact I had to skip the first match lol. Great start with Shawn & Marty running around avoiding their bigger stronger opponents and frustrating them, then using quick tags and double team offence to try and control this match. But a blind tag puts an end to their luck, and poor Marty gets CRUSHED between the two behemoths. Dammit, Marty comes back fairly quickly instead of taking a beating for much longer which could have ruled, but I’m guessing this is gonna be another card filled with short matches. Or maybe… HBK FIP! Eeeeeeeeeeeee! Awesome clothesline to take him out. BOSSMAN WITH A SPLASH OFF THE TOP ROPE! And HBK moves, and dammit, no HBK FIP. THEY TEASED ME DAMMIT. Or are they? Awesome powerbomb counter to HBK coming off the ropes… and a big splash from Akeem and this is over. FUCKING DAMMIT! It ended up getting hardly any time, and they kept teasing me with a HBK FIP which never really happened. SAD NOW. Though this was a ton of fun for the time it lasted. **.

Match 3 – Ted DiBiase Vs Brutus The Barber Beefcake – Seriously? DiBiase in a match at WM… and it’s against that fucking pile of turd Brutus? Fuck this. NO.

Match 4 – The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers Vs The Bushwhackers – I skipped this at the RR. I’m not watching it now either. Fuck this shit. NO.

Match 6 – Mr Perfect Vs The Blue Blazer – Hennig Vs Owen! Alright, something I wanna watch! Fun short sprint here, reminds me a little of Owen Vs Kid from KOTR, only not as fast paced. Perfect wins. Fine for what it was, easy to watch. *3/4.

Run DMC? They were going all the way back then? Well DAMN lol. They do something. I skipped it.

Match 7 – Demolition Vs Powers of Pain & Mr Fuji – Tag titles on the line, even though it’s a handicap match. They really like to do a match with a manager at WM don’t they? Kinda wish I’d skipped this, because it was dull as fuck. I was hoping for some big hard hitting match between 4 tough bastards, with Fuji just coming in every now and then like you would expect. Instead it’s slow and filled with shitty slams. For the first time, the manager actually gets PINNED rather than picking up the win. So it has that going for it. But it doesn’t matter, because the whole thing still sucked. DUD.

Match 8 – Dino Bravo Vs Ronnie Garvin – Do I want to watch this? I like Garvin… Bravo doesn’t do THAT much for me but I don’t really dislike him or anything. Ok, I’ll give it a watch. Snuka gets introduced randomly while both guys are stood in the ring waiting for the match to start LOL. Snuka doesn’t even do anything either! He takes about a minute to come to the ring, poses, then fucks off! LMFAO. What a complete and utter waste of sodding time. Very shot match here, but I liked it. Garvin is a big hard hitter, and Bravo is “Canada’s Strongest Man”, so we get some nice action in the very short time they are given. Garvin has some great punches too btw. Bravo wins with a side slam. 1/2*.

Match 9 – The Brainbusters Vs Strike Force – ARN. TULLY. FUCK YES. Some great typical tag work from the Brainbusters. Match is structured similar to their series with The Rockers (if you haven’t seen them, WATCH EM), only Strike Force aren’t as good, but it doesn’t matter because they are still a good team and this is still a good match. Love the double figure four spot, with Arn truly being a team player by raking the eyes of… whoever has Tully in the hold so he releases it, as Tully is the legal man, leaving Arn still in the hold taking damage while Tully can recover and get the match back on track for them. ARN. Tito gets knocked into Martel by mistake and that is pretty much how the Brainbusters really gain control. Tito finally gets a chance to tag out.. but Martel is pissed that he got taken out by Tito (he doesn’t know it was a mistake caused by the Brainbusters)… and leaves! Heel turn for Martel, and now the Brainbusters can finish off Tito with no worry of a partner helping him. Good stuff. ***.

PIPER’S PIT! Heard a TON of hate for this segment, time to see what I think of it. Hilariously long introduction from Howard Finkle for Piper… only for BROTHER LOVE to come out in a kilt! Ha. LMFAO at Brother Love’s Piper impression. Great stuff here with Love interviewing Piper, except he is playing the part of Piper too lol. Morton Downy Jr shows up too, then we get Piper for real! Piper and Love going back and forth is great. Piper on the mic is always awesome. Downy Jr just kinda sits in the back playing with cigarettes for a while, then throws some at Piper, who keeps glaring over at him then going back to Love, before finally getting to him. Downy says some shit, Piper turns it into gold, then attacks him with a fire extinguisher lol. I loved this. Fuck the haters. Sure, it took up some time, time that could have went to Rockers/Twin Towers… but half the sodding matches so far basically took time from a match like that by happening and SUCKING. At least this was entertaining!

Match 10 – Andre The Giant Vs Jake Roberts – Big John Studd is the guest referee here because… I dunno. I’m sure there was some reason. Playing on the Andre/Studd feud that happened for WM 1? Damn, Andre is really getting smaller here, he’s barely bigger than Studd now. Match starts and BAM, Jake gets smashed head first into an exposed turnbuckle! Commentators are confused as to why it isn’t padded, and the ref doesn’t notice at all! Guessing Heenan did it while everyone was watching Jake come to the ring. For some reason though Jake doesn’t act like it’s that big a deal. He’s all out of it at first, then quickly makes a comeback and even gets Andre tied in the ropes so he can take some free shots at the Giant. But the Giant is still a Giant, and he doesn’t stay in the ropes for long nor does he take offence from Jake too long… but then after a shoulder smash in the corner… Andre nearly collapses and… I have no idea why. Commentators claim it was a knee from Jake, but I watched it back and Jake didn’t do anything. THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? Jake goes for the snake, DiBiase comes out and steals it. Jake chases him. Andre attacks Studd. Jake returns with the Snake (which looks heavy as FUCK btw lol). Snake in the ring and Andre gets the fuck outta there. Jake wins via DQ. This was terrible. DUD.

Match 11 – The Hart Foundation Vs Greg Valentine & The Honky Tonk Man – Well this was great… for the couple of minutes that it lasted. GGRRRR! GIVE MATCHES TIME DAMMIT. Hart Foundation dominate the entire thing in a fun sprint that ends with Bret using the Megaphone on the heels for the win. Just needed to be like, 5 times longer. *.

Match 12 – Rick Rude Vs The Ultimate Warrior – LMAO at Warrior running to the ring. The walkway is really thin and when you have the crowd reaching out to touch the wrestlers (DIRTY FANS!), there really isn’t any room at all, so Warrior looks like a complete and total tit. Then he gets into the ring and continues to look like that LOL!. A bearhug… from the BABYFACE… in the first 30 seconds? Fuck this shit lol. Come on Rude, get in control dammit! Knees to the gut to prevent a splash, and hopefully Rude can do something interesting now. Nope. Couple of minutes of shit, then with the help of Heenan, Rude pins Warrior and becomes IC champ. Yawnathon. DUD.

Match 13 – Bad News Brown Vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan – No thanks. NO.

Match 14 – Bobby Heenan Vs The Red Rooster – Well this lasts less than a minute. DUD.

Match 15 – Randy Savage Vs Hulk Hogan – WWF Title time! Hogan was a piece of shit friend, looked like he was trying to hit on Liz, eliminated Savage from the RR… and somehow SAVAGE IS THE HEEL. But hey, at least Savage can be a great heel. He’s a great PRICK here, stalling early on to slow down Hogan’s momentum, uses Liz to avoid being hit etc. Then Hogan goes all TECKNICKLEZ on Savage, possibly to throw the champ off his game, as he would be expecting basic power moves from the Hulkster. But a thumb to the eye changes that, and now Savage can use his superior wrestling and high flying ability to control things. Savage keeps cheating in little ways so Hogan cheats back to make a short comeback before he gets BUSTED OPEN leaving him vulnerable to the MACHO MAN OOOOOO YEAAAAHHH. But Savage gets too cocky and doesn’t follow up enough, allowing Hogan plenty of chances to get shots in and it becomes more of a back and forth bout with Hogan trying to beat the fuck out of his former best friend and Savage trying to murder the guy who turned on him and tried to take his wife and somehow made HIM the bad guy in this situation LOL. Liz adds for some interesting moments too, including getting in the way of Hogan when he tries to send Savage into the ring post. She doesn’t want to favour one over the other, but she still loves her husband and keeps trying to protect him. But since Savage is the HEEL here, he sends her away because he doesn’t want her help. Match has been great up until now… when Hogan takes an Elbow drop and gets up straight away to Hulk Up and shit. Bah. Boot. Leg Drop. New Champ. Bah. The original SUPERMAN comeback lol. Shame the finish had to be so shit, because the rest was great. Brings down the match, but not THAT much. I still liked it a whole lot overall. ***1/2.

 

The WWF title was vacated after controversy surrounding the Andre/Hogan rematch. So a tournament was announced for WM. Yey. A tournament. On PPV. Tournaments are fine, but BIG ones like this just don’t work on a PPV. Too many matches, and no time for them to be that good.

Match 1 – 20 Man Battle Royal – With 14 guys competing in the tournament, that means they need a LOT of time to go towards those matches. So to fit everyone else on the card… MULTIMAN MATCHES! Oh great, Paul Roma is in this one. Match is gonna suck. LMAO at Bret in the first moments. Everyone charges at someone once the bell rings… but Bret is all alone just shrugging his shoulders and wondering why nobody wants to play with him. George Steel just stands on the outside punching people’s legs. LOL. He even eliminates Jim Neidhart! No idea if he was ever really in the match or if he got eliminated straight away and stuck around. I don’t even remember him getting in the ring and being eliminated, but he disappears at some point. Bad News Brown and Bret Hart try to double team JYD during the final 3. Cool to see those 2 teaming up just because of their history in Stampede Wrestling. Wow, then the heels actually manage to eliminate JYD. Huh, thought this was gonna be a basic “babyface fights against the odds, manages to eliminate at least one bad guy” deal, but nope. Comes down to Bret and Brown. Brown wins. Match was mostly nothing. Some entertaining moments, but exactly that; moments. They lasted for a couple of seconds and that was it. Brown wins a giant trophy. Bret breaks it. Works at least because he’s a heel too so it’s not like some jerk babyface doing it, which is something that would normally happen. 1/2*.

Match 2 – Hacksaw Jim Duggan Vs Ted DiBiase – Oh shit, MID-SOUTH time. Let me guess, it gets less than 5 minutes? Biggest Atomic Drop I think I’ve ever seen. Looked more like he was doing for a back suplex lol. DiBiase sells it nicely by flying over the top rope.  Interesting to see TED turn this into a brawl first, punching the fuck out of Hacksaw for knocking him out of the ring, but of course Duggan is the better brawler and he soon comes back with big rights of his own. Lol, this gets under 5 minutes… by about 5 seconds. But they did a nice job with the time they god. I liked it. Andre gets involved in the finish and DiBiase advances! *.

Match 3 – Dino Bravo Vs Don Muraco – Another tournament match. 2 big built guys hitting each other with power moves. It’s ok. Nothing more. Ends in DQ when Dino pulls the referee in front of him and Muraco takes him out. 1/4*.

Match 4 – Ricky Steamboat Vs Greg Valentine – Steamboat comes out with his wife and kid. Dedicates the match and the entire tournament to his son. He loses this first round match. LOL. Winner of this faces the winner of the next match… which involves Savage. They missed out on a potential WM 3 rematch between them. Steamboat is the EXCELLENCE OF EXECUTION. Bret stole his gimmick from Ricky!!! Valentine looks great on offence here, with his “rough and tough” style. Nice stuff clotheslines, elbows to the face, and big slams. Steamboat taking punishment is of course what he can do best, so yeah, this all looks great. Plus it gets just under 10 minutes, double the time of anything else on the show so far. So at least they are giving some decent time to a match that had potential to deliver, and given the time (just under 10 minutes isn’t that long really, but compared to everything else it is), they absolutely delivered. Could be the MOTN, but there are 2 other matches I’m interested in seeing. **3/4.

Match 5 – Randy Savage Vs Butch Reed – Boy was this disappointing. Reed dominates… then Savage knocks him off the ropes, hits the elbow and its over just like that lol. DUD.

Match 6 – Bam Bam Bigelow Vs One Man Gang – Oh shit, BAM BAM. Shame he’s stuck with another big guy… who isn’t nearly as good or athletic as he is. Should have had Bam Bam face a small guy… though Bam Bam is babyface so I guess they needed to put him with someone bigger than him to try and gain sympathy. LMFAO WORST SPLASH EVER from Bam Bam. He LOOKS like he’s jumping… but doesn’t leave his feet at all. Just falls with style onto OMG lol. Things are looking good for Bigelow… until Slick pulls down the ropes and Bam Bam takes one hell of a backwards tumble to the outside! He ends up getting counted out. Bah. Fun stuff for 2 big guys going full force for a couple of minutes. *.

Hulk cuts a promo… and… uhhh… something about swimming? He HAD to have been on something lol.

Match 7 – Rick Rude Vs Jake Roberts – Yes! This should be fucking great. And guess what? It is! 15 minute time limit draw, longest match on the card and rightfully so. They have great chemistry together. Roberts is just awesome, a highly underrated wrestler imo. He’s always more known for being a great psychologist in the ring (and he IS one of the very best), but at the same time he’s a damn good wrestler and a great bumper too. Rude works the next to set up to his Rude Awakening neck breaker, and it’s nice to see someone work holds like a reverse chin lock rather than just sitting there. Plus Roberts isn’t just sat there in the hold either, he’s always struggling to escape and shit. It’s the little things. Some people won’t like this because of how slow it is, and that’s fine, but it has plenty of those little things throughout that keep me interested in the basic of holds. Shame both guys are out of the tournament, while guys like One Man Gang and Don Muraco are still in it. ***1/4.

Match 8 – The Ultimate Warrior Vs Hercules – NO.

Match 9 – Hulk Hogan Vs Andre The Giant – I watched it at WM 3 because of the significance. This time is ain’t got shit going for it, so fuck it, I ain’t watching it. NO.

Match 10 – Ted DiBiase Vs Don Muraco – The Rock jumps DiBiase before he can even get in the ring and dominates the early going. DiBiase escapes to the outside to get a break, but ends up rolling back in when Billy Graham (manager for The Rock) threatens him with his stick! Sweet transition spot for DiBiase to get in control. DiBiase then wins, moving into the finals. Nothing much to this one really. 1/4*.

Match 11 – Randy Savage Vs Greg Valentine – Good match here. Valentine is nice and STIFF on offence, just beating down Savage throughout the match. Savage makes some nice comebacks, Valentine cuts him off nicely, then Savage picks up a quick win with a rollup. He still needs to face the One Man Gang in order to get to the finals to face DiBiase who received a bye due to Hogan/Andre ending in… double countout? DQ? Both guys lost anyway. Fuck that shitty match. This was good. **3/4

Match 12 – The Honky Tonk Man Vs Brutus The Barber Beefcake – Urgh. IC title on the line. Brutus is awesome. HTM isn’t great either. I’m skipping this one. NO.

Match 13 – The British Bulldogs & Koko B Ware Vs The Islanders & Bobby Heenan – Similar situation to last year with the babyfaces wanting to get some of Bobby, but Bobby makes sure to only get in when his team is in control, then gets out before anything can happen to him. Heenan gets the win too, just like last year with Danny Davis getting the win lol. Aside from that, this is a huge nothing match. DUD.

Huh, they do a bit where Finkle gives a big introduction to Jesse Ventura, who gets a huge pop and poses to the crowd and shit. Thought he was a heel? Oh, he’s back after doing Predator I think? This is followed up by DiBiase coming out just to be announced the winner of a match that doesn’t exist because he got a bye. Nice heelish thing to do.

Match 14 – One Man Gang Vs Randy Savage – DiBiase faces the winner of this due to receiving that bye. OMG got to rest up too after also receiving a bye. Savage has had to wrestle twice already. The odds are really stacked against the Macho Man. Can he do it? SPOILER: Duh, of course. It’s no Rey Vs Henry. Was looking good though… until they went with a shitty DQ finish. Savage moves to the finals. *.

Match 15 – Demolition Vs Strike Force – HERE COMES THE AX, AND HERE COMES THE SMASHER. Tag titles on the line. As the power team, Demolition beat down their smaller opponents and… well nothing is really interesting. They win the tag belts. Yawn. Expected a lot more from this tbh. DUD.

Match 16 – Ted DiBiase Vs Randy Savage – Finals of the WWF Title tournament! DiBiase was originally supposed to win, but Savage had some shit in his contract that promised him a title run, and it was going to be the IC title until HTM bitched and moaned and refused to drop the belt to him, so Vince (instead of forcing HIS EMPLOYEE to drop the belt) decided to give him the WWF Title. This left DiBiase without a title so they “made up” for it by giving him the Million Dollar Championship. Andre is out with DiBiase and in the opening moments of the match makes his presence felt by grabbing Savage’s leg, showing the world that this is going to be get another uphill struggle for the Macho Man. Well, this was disappointing, especially being the final of the tournament. Doesn’t get much time still (only just over 10 minutes?), and the ring stuff, and even the guys in the ring are an afterthought. It’s all about Andre on the outside, then Liz fetching Hogan to even the odds. Then Hogan hits DiBiase with a chair and Savage picks up the win. Then Hogan celebrates with Savage. Poor guy, wins the title in the main event of WM and is STILL overshadowed by Hogan. *.

 

I own this as a Tagged Classic, which has those edits in I mentioned in the last review… however I also own the Championship Edition which has 2 discs. One is essentially the Anthology version (with different menus), and the second disc is the same… but with info and facts and shit popping up on the screen. Kinda pointless, but it was going out of stock and was only like £3 so I picked it up. Anyway… WM 3. One of the biggest WM events ever due to the amount of people in the arena, the huge buyrate it did, and the main event that is arguable the BIGGEST match in WM history. But is it any good?

Match 1 – The Magnificent Muraco & Bob Orton Jr Vs The Can-Am Connection – Martel and Tom Zenk (yawn) are the Can-Am Connection. This reminds me of the Funks tag match from WM 2, in that Bob Orton  is the Terry Funk of the match, really being the one to hold everything together and keep me interested because he’s just one of those guys who is so good it doesn’t matter what they’re doing, because they’re doing it well. Some stooging and comedy spots done by Bob similar to Funk so I’m happy lol.  Match is shorter and more fast paced than the WM 2 tag, so just as things get a little interesting it ends. Give this twice as much time, with Orton & Muraco controlling the match for a while and I’d be all over this. As it was though, it was fun but nothing more. *1/2.

Match 2 – Billy Jack Haynes Vs Hercules – So… Hercules’ gimmick isn’t that he’s simply called Hercules because he’s strong and shit… he ACTUALLY THINKS HE’S HERCULES. He makes reference to something he did thousands of years ago during his promo. LOL. This is a Full Nelson Challenge or something. I don’t know if it means they can only win with the Full Nelson, or if they just threw the name onto the match because both men use it. Guess we’ll find out. Pretty impressive to see Hercules get press slammed so easily. NICE fucking clothesline from Hercules to cut off Haynes. Ok, so no, they don’t have to win with the Full Nelson, but they want to so I’m fine with that. Honestly, there really isn’t anything BAD about this match other than its length. It’s under 8 minutes, and only 2 minutes longer than the opener, but when you have 2 “power” guys going at it, 8 minutes feels like a LONG fucking time. Match ends with a shitty DQ finish too which sucks. No… double count out. Huh, thought Heenan got involved causing a DQ lol. Ah well. So with a couple of minutes shaved off this and an actual finish, this probably would have been a solid match. *.

Match 3 – King Kong Bundy, Little Tokyo & Lord Littlebrook Vs Hillbilly Jim, Little Beaver & The Haiti Kid – 4 midgets, a Hillbilly and a fatty. No, it isn’t the start of a joke. It’s a fucking WRESTLEMANIA MATCH. No thanks. NO.

Interview backstage with Heenan, Race and Moolah. Moolah looks TERRIFIED lol. She’s wooden as shit, and while Heenan is talking to her she’s like stone just staring right into the camera with the occasional glance over at Bobby before back to the camera.

Match 4 – Harley Race Vs Junkyard Dog – THE DOG ON ALL FOURS, HIS FAVOURITE POSITION! Short match again here, but some fun “old school” schtick. Harley tries to headbutt JYD but JYD’s head is harder, and from there the Dog just knocks the King around and Race bounces around, falling out of the ring and all that shit. Makes me smile lol. Then Race hits a belly to belly out of nowhere after a little distraction from Heenan and its over. JYD has to bow to the KING after the match, and he does, then he attacks Race with a chair lol. It’s so short to be… anything really, even if I did get a kick out of it. 1/4*.

Match 5 – The Rougeau Brothers Vs Brutus Beefcake & Greg Valentine – Well, on paper this looks to have potential. Rougeau’s are a good team, and while I despise Brutus, he seems to be fine in a team with Valentine. Maybe he just started sucking when he became the Barber? Or maybe teaming with someone the calibre of Valentine hides most of his flaws? I’m leaning heavy to one side… I’m sure you can figure out which lol. Great. Hardly any time. Again. Dino Bravo helps out Valentine and Beefcake get the win, but Brutus doesn’t look pleased because… fuck knows. They leave him behind. Ok. DUD.

Match 6 – Rowdy Roddy Piper Vs Adorable Adrian Adonis – Piper’s retirement match! Except… he would still wrestle for another 20 years LOL. Not as bad as Funk, who retired numerous times. Super fun in the beginning. Adonis bumps around like no other fat guy can, Jimmy Hart tries to get involved and ends up taking a few big bumps too, before the numbers game finally gets the better of Piper and Adonis can work over the Hot Rod. Crowd are just eating this shit up. Sure, we might get (much) better match quality overall, but I do sometimes wish things were like they used to be. Fans going apeshit because practically ANY babyface does ANYTHING to the heel. If only I was born 10 years earlier, I could have lived through this for real! Watching it back on DVD isn’t quite the same, but I still get a ton of enjoyment out of it regardless. Adonis gets Piper in the sleeper, and thinks it’s all over, even celebrates… then Brutus shows up to wake up Piper. Uhhhh… what? Why? I just don’t fucking get it lol. AT ALL. Piper locks in the sleeper and this one is over! Here come the shears! And I guess this is the beginning of Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. Urgh. Adonis gets his head shaved, something Adonis and Hart wanted to do to Piper. Match isn’t great, but again it was pretty fun. Nothing more. 1/2*.

Match 7 – The Hart Foundation & Danny Davis Vs The British Bulldogs & Tito Santana – Danny Davis is doing the “referee” gimmick. He isn’t to be confused with the OVW owner and trainer, Danny Davis lol. I used to (still do, actually) have a VHS with the “best of WM”. One match from the first 4 WM events. And THIS was the match for WM 3. LOL. LMFAO highlight of this match is seeing Jesse Ventura basically kidnapping Matilda, the dog mascot of the Bulldogs, and taking it to the back. Basic tag work as the Hart Foundation keep Dynamite in their corner. They work Davis into the match nicely, just tagging in, getting a shot or two in, the tagging right back out before he can get in any trouble. The heels get too cocky though, and launch Davis over the ropes onto Kid who gets his knees up! Danny is hurt, Kid gets the tag and the babyfaces take turns at finally getting payback on Davis. TOMBSTONE. BRAINBUSTER. AWESOMES. Big chaotic finish, and DANNY DAVIS PINS BULLDOG. With a shot to the head with the megaphone, but he wins regardless. Ok stuff. Nothing great. *.

Match 8 – Butch Reed Vs Koko B Ware – Well this match just screams MID-SOUTH, and that’s awesome. Well… this was super short. Reed wins. Uhhh… they did some stuff. DUD.

Match 9 – Randy Savage Vs Ricky Steamboat – Finally, something not only fun but something fucking GREAT. IC title on the line too. First title match so far for WM? I think so. Tag champs were in a 6 man. No women’s title match (was the belt around still?), and the WWF title match still to come. And that’s all the belts. Savage injured the throat of Steamboat, so Steamboat is out for revenge, and the BEST revenge he can extract on Savage is to take the IC title, something he treasures more than perhaps even Elizabeth. Great promos from both men prior to the match. I always kinda thought this wasn’t that great because I thought it was stupid that Steamboat never really brought the HATE to Savage after everything that happened. However, that was because the Tagged Classic version I had didn’t include the promos or build up, which is crucial to understanding the story of this match imo. Plus I’ve seen them have one hell of a fucking FIGHT a month earlier in Toronto I think (a match I currently think is slightly better than this one), and Steamboat didn’t win, so instead he’s concentrating on WINNING THE BELT rather than destroying Savage and trying to win the belt at the same time. Say what you want about Savage scripting his matches entirely, but fuck, he knows how to make a match fucking GOOD. Steamboat looks great early on with those epic arm drags, then Savage brings out his vicious side and really works over Steamer, even getting some shots in on the throat when he can. Savage is concerned about keeping his title, so he keeps launching Steamboat over the ropes in hopes of a count out. Steamer is awesome as the FIP, which is why he was a face for his ENTIRE career. He just sells the punishment perfectly and you feel for the guy. Then when he makes a comeback, his faster paced moveset gets you going and then you really hate the heel when he cuts him off. Steamboat finally gets his chance to make a big come back, and begins to roll up Savage in as many different ways as possible, working the story of Steamboat wanting to WIN THE TITLE to extract his revenge. Awesome. Crowd are into every near fall too. Ref bump. Savage hits the elbow and gets the “phantom win” which isn’t the best thing for a HEEL to do because it gives them a legitimate reason to claim they were the better man and should have won lol. But Savage decides that since the ref is down, and he technically had this won, he’ll use the ring bell to fuck up Steamboat and possibly end his career once and for all! Savage’s WM opponent from last year, George the animal Steele is out with Steamboat and saves him from being taken out with the ring bell. Another roll up, and Steamboat gets his revenge! New IC champ! Great match, holds up real well. I still don’t consider it one of the best matches ever or anything, but it’s definitely fucking grea. ****1/4.

Match 10 – Jake Roberts Vs The Honky Tonk Man – This feud was built around Honky Tonk Man hitting Jake Roberts in the head with a guitar, which, just like the DDT on the floor to Steamboat, caused a legitimate injury. The guitar was a real one, and not the type we see today that are made to easily break when you hit someone with them. The shot to Jake’s head injured his neck pretty badly, but Jake continued to wrestler without getting it seen to for quite a while. The match begins as a brawl, and it was funny to see Roberts use a knee lift on Honky Tonk this early on, with Honky getting right back up, as it used to be Jake’s finisher before he invented the DDT! Speaking of knee litfs… Honky is in the corner, and Jake comes running at him, and Honey gets his knee up. Jake goes face first into it, and DAMN does it look nasty lol. I can’t tell for sure, but it really did seem like the knee connected pretty hard with Jake’s face! That was the turning point for Honky Tonk Man, who gains control of the match, along with the help of the steel ring post on the outside lol. Every time Jake tries to get back into the ring, HTM keeps knocking him off the apron, causing Jake to fall back onto the guard rail at one point, causing more pain to the back of Jake, that was originally hurt by the steel ring post earlier. Shake, Rattle and Roll (not Road Dogg’s move btw lol) attempt from HTM, who is looking to end it, is countered by Jake into a back body drop, and now we see the comeback of The Snake! The crowd pick up now, as they cheer on the beatdown of HTM at the hands of Jake Roberts! Jake signals for the DDT, and the crowd go wild! Jimmy Hart, who is in the corner of HTM, grabs Jake’s leg though, allowing HTM to roll up Jake, use the ropes for leverage, and get the pin! Nice pacing to this match, which started off fast to get the crowd going, then slowed down a little as the heel dominated, then sped up towards the end for the finish. Nothing too special, but again, this was a fun match, and still pretty solid. **1/2.

Match 11 – Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff Vs The Killer Bees – Hacksaw attacks Volkoff because he’s singing the Russian national anthem. Why? Because they are in AMERICA, and you’d better not be patriotic towards your own country in America dammit! LOL. Boy was this dull. DUD.

Match 12 – Hulk Hogan Vs Andre The Giant. WWF Title on the line, and like the commentators say, this is quite possibly the BIGGEST MATCH EVER. Even today it’s hard to argue against it. Wanted to skip this completely and give it a NO rating, but given its significance, I felt I should watch it. Hogan tries to slam Andre in the first 20 seconds but doesn’t manage it. Andre gets a 2 count but thinks it was a 3. Hogan is now hurting. This is near the end of Andre’s run, and he’s barely able to move now. A lot of people think this is how Andre always was, which is such a shame. Anyway. Hogan was never the greatest in ring performer, so he can’t exactly carry Andre to a good match here. Only thing this has going for it is the fans and how much they LOVE Hogan. Slam heard around the world. Leg drop. It’s over. Lasts 12 minutes. 12 long excruciating minutes. Urgh. As significant as this match is, it’s a pile of utter shite too. 1/4*.