Month: August 2014

Armageddon 2003

 

Armageddon is here… but will I survive it?

 

Mark Henry Vs Booker T

Ooooo, starting the show off with MARK HENRY? Show might have something worthwhile after all!

His opponent is Booker T? Well this might not be that good…

Love how this SINGLES match is a follow up from a STREET FIGHT .

Booker T has been mauled and destroyed in recent weeks so I like him going right after Henry and just blasting him in the face and clubbing the shit out of his back.

HENRY STRENTH~! Puts a stop to any Booker T offence. Which is awesome. Because fuck Booker T offence .

Hmmmm, Booker actually looks GOOD in this early on. He’s using a mix of his superior speed and VETERAN INSTINCTS to try and keep Henry at bay and ground him, hopefully taking the STRENGTH out of the equation.

TEDDY DISTRACTION~!

now we get to see Henry dominate Booker. Awesome backbreaker, followed up with a modified Bow and Arrow submission which looks NASTY and is one of the less dull holds that Henry could have used (thankfully. Last thing we need is a damn NERVE GRIP lol).

Ahhh fuck, SLEEPER HOLD. Come on Mark, you better than this homie. Yeah a sleeper from HENRY looks more brutal than a small guy, but it’s still just someone sat in a hold taking up time. Yey it doesn’t last long!

Motherfucker, bear hug. STOP IT NOW, MARK.

Again thankfully the hold isn’t applied for long. I guess I’d rather have 3 submission holds for very short periods with Booker making a comeback only to be cut off over one stupidly long hold.

THAT FUCKING CLOTHESLINE . Booker T is DEAD.

Booker T starts to come back, landing some huge kicks but can’t budge the World’s Strongest Man.

AXE KICK~!

HENRY KICKS OUT!!!

SPINEBUSTER BY HENRY. Surprised the ring held up on that one tbh lol.

Henry is back to just mauling Booker . But Booker refuses to stay down!

POWERBOMB… SORT OF! Looked like Henry got Booker up but Booker slipped off and just landed as if he’d been powerbombed lol. Luckily it wasn’t botched to all hell with him landing on his neck.

AXE KICK #2~!

Henry is defeated. Good match! I kinda wanna check out their street fight now.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

FOLEY~! He’s got 1 million signatures for the “give Austin his job back” petition or something. Brings out FAP FAP STACY in a cheerleader outfit to celebrate. FOLEY IS GOD.

 

Orton and Flair interrupt. Booooo. More Stacy’s ass, less Randy Orton and Flair please. Blah Blah Blah Orton saying stuff. Foley is the referee for the Orton/RVD match? Don’t remember that at all lol. Foley decides the match is happening now.

 

RVD Vs Randy Orton – Intercontinental Championship Match – Special Referee Mick Foley

Lol, RVD does his “R. V. D.” pose, Orton tries to kick him, gets caught and RVD sweeps his legs and punches him in the face a few times .

I’ve never liked RVD as much as I do right now. First 5 minutes of this match see RVD absolutely destroy Orton . KICKS~! FLIPS~! MOAR KICKS~!

Then I end up liking Orton for shoving RVD off the ropes face first into the barricade .

It’s just fun watching both of these man take a beating .

that fucking DROPKICK on the outside. Rare I mark for a sodding DROPKICK lol, but that was done to perfection!!!

RVD getting choked on the ropes is the FUNNIEST THING EVER. He’s spazzing out, making fast noises and making Cena look like a good actor .

FLAIR AND FOLEY STAND OFF .

Orton is wrestling this match nice and smartly, targeting the HEAD of RVD which is injured or something from a top rope RKO the week before maybe? I forget.

FUCKING CLOTHESLINES~! Orton is bringing out plenty of sick looking clotheslines and RVD is bumping awesomely for all of them.

Plenty of varied offence from the LEGEND KILLER in this one as he continues to go after the head, but at the same time he does keep going back to that DAMN HEADLOCK.

Good comeback from RVD, his offence looks decent against Orton, though that might be because 90% of the kicks to the face look like they legitimately connect .

DDT FROM THE ROPES~!

RVD kicks out but he is FUCKED from the DDT still. Good selling of his head.

FLAIR tries to nail RVD with brass knucks, but Foley intercepts! RVD is distracted enough though for Orton to dropkick him off the ropes!

RKO~!

NEW IC CHAMP~!

Great match. Could have done with less of the headlock, but everything else was damn good. RVD selling his head actually shocked me, he’s one of those guys to fucking ignore limb work and shit as he goes into the finishing stretch.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Chris Jericho & Christian Vs Trish Stratus & Lita

Jericho and Christian make a bet over 1 Canadian dollar that they can nail either Trish or Lita first. Trish is falling for Jericho but finds out about the bet. Match is made .

Jericho though is having regrets because he realises he does actually have feelings for Trish.

TRISH & LITA FAP FAP TAG TEAM.

Trish slaps the shit out of Jericho, so Jericho grabs her and… SPANKS HER . I’m sure that’ll help…

Jericho is trying to prevent Trish from hurting him while not actually doing anything to her, so CHRISTIAN tags himself and and shoves Trish half way across the ring and dares LITA to get in the match .

HEADBUTT TO CHRISTIAN .

LITA is dominating Christian. And not in the way he wants .

Jericho nails LITA from behind… but not in the way he wants . Seems Jericho has no problem beating up LITA. Bastard. YOU LEAVE HER ALONE!!!

CHRISTIAN STRIPPING LITA~!

What a CREEPY LITTLE BASTARD. Though I don’t blame him .

HOT TAG TO TRISH~! Which goes nowhere because, you know, women Vs man .

FUCK ME at that Clothesline to Trish. Christian damn near killed her.

LITACANRANA~!

Jericho smashes her against a wall. But not in the way he wants to .

ROLL UP TO TRISH BY CHRISTIAN~! This is done lol.

What a crazy match, but you know what? IT’S ACTUALLY FUCKING GOOD. I swear to god.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Shawn Michaels Vs Batista

Orton had an AWFUL match with Shawn at Unforgiven. If Batista has a better match I’ll .

Shawn sticking and moving early on, jabbing away at Batista and avoiding the POWER of the jacked up newbie.

Batista is PISSED. I guess I understand, can’t imagine being jabbed in the face is much fun .

Shawn keeps chipping away at Batista, which makes the beast ANGRY and prone to make mistakes, so FLAIR has to calm him down on the outside. The whole Evolution thing was such an awesome idea. HHH as the “main eventer” doing what he does, then 2 rookies with FLAIR always in their corner to give them advice and wisdom well beyond their years. A perfect dynamic.

this is looking INFINATELY better than the Orton/HBK match. HBK looks like the veteran, meanwhile Batista uses his POWER to overcome his inexperience and Flair on the outside is always there to throw him some advice. Match has a structure and a story, unlike the Orton match that was a pure MESS.

BACK WORK~!

Everything Batista does is BASIC AS SHIT… but it all looks damn good, and HBK sells everything like he’s in the worst pain ever. Shame HBK has to kip up TWICE despite the back work lol.

CHOKE COUNTERED INTO A DDT~! Nice callback to the build up of this match, where Batista picked up HBK with a double handed choke and caused INTERNAL BLEEDING. HBK knew it was coming this time and countered.

ELBOW DROP~!

HBK is tuning up the band!!!

SUPERKICK COUNTERED INTO A SPINEBUSTER~!

ANOTHER SPINEBUSTER~! Shawn’s back is fucked!!!

Batista shows his greenness here though, taking his time between moves and slowly picking up HBK for a Powerbomb, giving old HBK time to counter into a superkick!!! HBK wins!!!

Yeah this was GOOD!!! This entire event so far is shocking the absolute FUCK out of me. Blows the Orton/HBK match out of the water.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Maven Vs Matt Hardy

I think this might be the beginning of the end for this PPV.

Batista is still in the ring pissed off that he lost, so Matt and Maven start their match on the ramp .

Matt throws Maven into the ring and Batista takes his frustration out on the Tough Enough winner . And I think that’s the end of this .

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

La Resistance Vs The Hurricane & Rosey Vs Lance Cade & Mark Jindrak Vs Val Venis & Lance Storm Vs The Dudley Boys Vs Scott Steiner & Test Vs Batista & Ric Flair – World Tag Team Championship Tag Team Turmoil Match

ROSEY IS THE SHIT! Literally . SUPER HERO IN TRAINING~!

poor Hurricane…

Holy fuck at Rosey just dumping (get it, SHIT, dumping… LOL) one of the Frenchies to the floor. Hurricane and Rosey eliminate La Resistance, then get jumped from behind by Jindrak and Cade and rolled up for the win in seconds!

STORM AND VENIS. What an odd pairing…

Storm is in the middle… beginning… I don’t know exactly… of his “trying not to be boring” run. So he does a couple of “flashy” moves and poses for the fans, then gets decked in the face .

Fun little match between these two teams, with Cade & Jindrak cheating to victory.

THE DUDLEY BOYS~! The tag champs are here!

Bubba goes to clothesline Cade, and he really leans forward with it to get more POWER into the move, but Cade moves and Bubba just falls into the roles like a retard .

Sweet LARIAT from Jindrak.

Bubba CRASHES into the steel steps, sending the top half right into the fucking camera man I think .

3-D~! Bubba and D-Von are confused as to who the legal man is and both cover .

I forgot Steiner and Test ended up teaming after battling all year over who gets to fuck Stacy. Guess they decided on each other?

Weakest. Elbow drop. Ever.

Fuck me this is DULL. Val/Storm Vs Cade/Jindrak was the best part of all this. Should have given them 15 minutes to do their shit.

Dudley’s retain their belts until…

I’M BACK, AND BETTER THAN EVER!!! Bischoff adds Batista & Flair to the match!!!

BATISTA BOMB~! New tag team champions!!!

Overall the match sucks. Like I said, Val/Storm Vs Cade/Jindrak was the best part of all this.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Molly Holly Vs Ivory – WWE Women’s Championship Match

Wow, my first NO for the event! I’m still shocked how good this show has been overall so far despite the last match and now me skipping this.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Goldberg Vs Kane Vs Triple H – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Oh boy. I don’t see this being that good… .

HHH and Kane start things off teaming up against Goldberg. I’m shocked. A triple threat with 2 heels and they team up against the babyface? THIS IS REVOLUTIONARY~!

Not even 2 men are enough to take out Goldberg though, as he quickly fights them both off.

Kane and Goldberg then decide to punch each other in the face, while HHH hangs around the outside of the ring like a coward .

HHH sucks at taking a military press. Every time I’ve seen Goldberg try it on HHH in all their matches so far, HHH seems to struggle, which causes Goldberg to not be able to fully execute the lift. HHH BURRYING GOLDBERG~!

OH MY GOD HHH WENT FOR A COVER AFTER KANE SLAMMED GOLDBERG AND IT LOOKS LIKE KANE IS GONNA ATTACK HHH THIS IS INCREDIBLE I’VE NEVER SEEN THIS DONE BEFORE WHAT A REFRESHING TRIPLE THREAT FORMULA!!!

HHH DECKS KANE WITH A CHAIR~!

Kane comes back in and actually stops Goldberg from shattering HHH’s ankle because… apparently hitting Kane in the fact with a steel chair is the best way to make friends with him?

HHH returns the favour, saving Kane from going through the table.

CHOKESLAM TO GOLDBERG THROUGH THE TABLE~!

No wait, the table didn’t break . So HHH tells Kane to put Goldberg back on the table and elbow drops him aka HHH’s go to move for when a table doesn’t break .

And now HHH and Kane officially turn on each other…

Kane channels HOMER SIMPSON as he punches HHH… “DUFF, DUFF DUFF, DOH!” .

CHOKESLAM ON THE STEEL RAMPWAY~!

SPEAR~! Goldberg is back and he just SPEARED Kane to hell!

All 3 men fight for a while and then SPEAR TO KANE AGAIN~!

SPEAR TO HHH~!

Evolution show up because it’s no DQ. ANOTHER SPEAR TO HHH lol.

CHOKESLAM TO GOLDBERG~! Batista drags Kane out of the ring while HHH makes the cover and becomes the new WHC. EVOLUTION WITH ALL THE GOLD.

This match isn’t awful or anything… it’s just kinda there for me. Nothing really stands out whatsoever. Still better than I was expecting, like the rest of the event lol.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 10

No Way Out 2003

 

How odd… NO video package before the PPV. Guess they didn’t want people to know what the main event was .

 

Chris Jericho Vs Jeff Hardy

First time WWE have come to Montreal since that little incident back in 1997 (back on PPV, at least, no idea if they did TV since).

Jericho is Canadian and… gets booed .

Huh, looks like someone threw paint on Jeff before he came out. Get a fucking shower ya bum.

Jericho tries to wrestle at the start of this match, but Jeff is all “fuck this, someone threw paint on me before the match and I look like a tit” and decides to throw bunches at Jericho instead.

Fans seem to have realised Jericho is Canadian now and are chanting for him . A little slow eh?

Jericho taking a Sgt Slaugter-esque turnbuckle bump .

Hardy starts building momentum with his jumpy flippy shit, until Jericho avoids that barricade spot Jeff likes to do and follows it up with the WORST flapjack ever into the steel steps. Jeff would have gotten more height if he stood on his tippy toes because the lazy shit barely jumped here.

at both guys throwing out some sloppy shit. You know that jawbreaker move Jeff like to do? Well he kinda mixed that up with a monkey flip which resulted in a shit looking THING. Then Jericho comes back with the worst enziguri attempt I’ve ever seen.

Seems that while planning this match out backstage, Jericho knew he’d get a babyface reaction from the Canadian crowd, but Jeff refused to be the heel of the match… which results in neither man being heel, no control segment from anyone which leaves us with a bunch of MOVES~! and they don’t even manage that properly .

SWANTON~! MISS~! ACT LIKE IT HIT ANYWAY~!

This is just one seemingly long (feels like it lasts forever) MOVES~! fest with a bunch of near falls. Not my cup of tea. Neither is tea, actually. Fuck tea. Tastes like… well tea, which is the problem.

HBK shows up to save Jeff as Jericho keeps the Walls locked in, and the fans absolutely SHIT on him. And then cheer the fuck out of him when he takes out both Jericho and Christian .

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Rob Van Dam & Kane Vs William Regal & Lance Storm – World Tag Team Championship Match

Fun opening exchange between RVD and Storm, with RVD throwing shit at Storm and Storm countering and avoiding as much as he can until he gets kicked in the face .

Then Regal comes in and… gets more of the same .

KANE SLAMS REGALS and… Regal is FUCKED UP. Knocked out for a few moments + concussion which puts him out of action for a while and kills the big tag match for WM .

Storm takes over for a while, but Regal being the MAN he is still continues the match!

HALF NELSON SUPLEX .

@ Storm mounting RVD and just battering his face.

“WE WANT REGAL” chants .

at Regal’s awesome bump off a big boot by Kane. Guy is still better concussed than most people.

Kane’s mask gets fucked up and he can’t see. RVD gets pushed into him and he thinks its Regal or Storm. CHOKESLAM~! RVD gets pinned. Ha.

Solid match despite what happened to Regal!

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Billy Kidman Vs Matt Hardy – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

Matt had to drop 10 lbs in 2 weeks in order to challenge for the title .

MATT IS ANNOYED BY SNOW & ICE~!

MATT TAKES HOT TEA WITH MILK & SWEETENER~!

I find it funny that Cole and Tazz are playing up on the whole “Matt isn’t a normal CW” claiming he’s not used to this style and shit. Uhhh… did they forget about his entire career prior to this match? You know, when he and his brother Jeff would fly around like CW’s and wrestle CW’s and shit as well as heavyweights? If anything Matt was always more of a CW than a HW .

Matt grounds Kidman. And uhhh… he does holds on the ground to make sure he keeps him grounded. And uhhh… Kidman is grounded by Matt’s ground offence.

Fuck me this match is a whole load of nothing. Matt applies holds on the floor while using about 6 Side Effects. Kidman makes a couple of comebacks that aren’t exactly inspiring. Shannon Moore might as well have stayed in the back.

Twist of Fate from the ropes and Matt wins the CW title. Thankfully he’d go on to REY MYSTERIO and have some great matches.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

OH NOES EDGE IS DEAD OR SOMETHING BACKSTAGE AKA HIS NECK IS FUCKED AND HE’S BUGGERING OFF FOR OVER A YEAR.

The Undertaker Vs The Big Show

these two had some fucking CLASSICS in 2008 and while I’ve never enjoyed this as much as some other people, I am hoping for something good and maybe for me to like it more this time around.

FOUR WORDS: SHUT UP AND FIGHT!!!

Undertaker does his over the ropes bump and takes the fight right to Big Show on the outside, throwing those BIG SOUP BONES right in Show’s face.

Undertaker has returned after being thrown off the stage by Show in October, and he’s a “new” Undertaker now as Tazz explains on commentary. He’s now starting to use MMA moves and holds and is having to adapt to the new styles of young wrestlers coming up. We see Undertaker counter the power of Show by using speed and his unique offence and I’m the entire time lol.

WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION TO UNDERTAKER… WITH A STEEL CHAIR IN FRONT OF HIS FACE~! But the WMD wouldn’t be established until 2008 so Undertaker can continue wrestling .

those fucking shots to Show’s head . Show just stands there out of it while Undertaker caves his fucking FACE in .

Love Undertaker’s “out of it” selling, and it’s done wonderful here are Show repeatedly headbutts the fuck out of him, busting him open! Arn Vs DICK Vs Undertaker in a “sell a shot to the head” match would be the greatest thing in the history of everything ever.

at Undertaker’s comeback with those fucking strikes . Especially when he just fucking charges head on at Show and blasts him in the face with a running punch.

Show is doing a great job cutting Undertaker off with such simple moves like a punch of his own or a headbutt. Being as big as he is, even doing it to UNDERTAKER looks legit, and Undertaker’s selling of everything just puts it over that much more.

LOW BLOW~! DDT~!

Undertaker signals for a Last Ride. Like that’s gonna happen from a non corner position .

Meanwhile Big Show’s giant red underwear is on display as his ring gear slowly moves up his leg .

TAKIN’ CARE OF BUSINESS~! But Heyman senses Show is in trouble and distracts ‘Taker on the apron.

A-TRAIN~!

DEAD MAN DIVE TO A-TRAIN AND HEYMAN .

Undertaker is on fucking FIRE now and Big Show is GONNA PAY .

CHOKESLAM BY BIG SHOW~!

PIN COUNTERED INTO A TRIANGLE CHOKE~! THAT MMA OFFENCE COMING INTO PLAY .

BIG SHOW GETS CHOKED OUT!!! UNDERTAKER WINS!!!

How on earth have I never been a big fan of this in the part? This fucking ROCKS (THE DRAGON)! Right fucking up there with their 08 matches tbh.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Bischoff thinks his match with Austin later will be easy as he can make it No DQ and have tons of help. Then Vince McMahon shows up and says nobody can interfere, and if they do they’ll be fired .

 

Kurt Angle, Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Hass Vs Brock Lesnar & Chris Benoit – Handicap Match

So Edge is off for surgery, leaving Benoit and Lesnar to face 3 men. The sheer TALENT in this match makes it look on paper, but honestly I’ve always thought it absolutely SUCKED. I changed my mind on the previous match, maybe I can end up loving this one too?

BROCK looks like a fucking beast early on, dominating Team Angle then begging to get his hands on Angle only to be double and triple teamed and STILL getting up and fighting back.

We get a preview of Lesnar/Angle WM match with Angle applying a sleeper hold and wrapping his legs around Lesnar to both ground him and wear him down even more. Seems out of place in a tag match tbh, especially with how long it lasts.

BENOIT HOT TAG . Comes in and suplexes bitches left, right and centre .

The numbers advantage comes into play allowing Team Angle to regain control and now Benoit has to play FIP.

the fuck is Lesnar doing on the apron? He’s rubbing his neck and roaring or something .

BOOOOORING control segment.

LESNAR HOT TAG . Comes in and suplexes bitches left, right and centre . Huh, that sounds familiar…

Multiple Crossface/Ankle Lock counters… which is retarded because Benoit isn’t even the legal and and I don’t even think Angle is?

Uhhh ok Hass taps out. Apparently he was the legal man and so was Benoit… even though Lesnar just came in off the hot tag.

Anyway, this is fucking SHIT. Seriously.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Triple H Vs Scott Steiner – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Oh god it just gets worse. And there is still the god awful main event to come . And Austin/Bischoff too .

Their RR match was SO FUCKING BAD… they booked it again a month later. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM?!?!

*3 days later*

Ok I suppose I should watch this match now .

the fans are booing Steiner and cheering HHH . Absolutely NOT what this match needed . Was gonna be awful on its own, but a crowd not reacting the way they would be expected to = match fucked up .

I like how HHH’s leg is taped up, giving Steiner an area to focus on. It was like they watched their RR match back (I fucking hope they did, fans were tortured by it so they should too) and realised that Steiner couldn’t do anything beyond SUPLEXES, so creating a leg injury for him to attack meant he had something else to do .

the MOMENT I finished writing that last sentence… Steiner hit a suplex .

Scotty applies a Figure Four, but it just doesn’t look right when he does it… so Flair pokes his eyes behind the referee’s back to prevent such a thing from continuing. I guess if he did that to Steiner for making the Figure Four look bad, he should probably torture and eventually kill The Miz for what he did to the hold…

the fans who moments ago were cheering HHH are now chanting BORING because HHH is in control .

Steiner builds momentum and what does he do? Leg work again? Nah. SUPLEXES!!!

Steiner just fucking RUNS into HHH’d boot and I’m 99.9% certain he got KNOCKED OUT. HHH goes for a cover and tries to use the ropes, ref catches him and they argue and shove each other for about a minute while Steiner recovers .

MOAR SUPLEXES .

Orton and Batista show up and get destroyed.

at Orton being thrown over the ropes and just fucking DIVING onto Batista. Best thing about this match so far.

WHC to the face of Steiner… he kicks out, fans boo .

PEDIGREE. Yes! It’s fucking OVER.

Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Steve Austin Vs Eric Bischoff

GTFO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Hulk Hogan Vs The Rock

Their WM match is great. Despite the people involved, the age of Hogan when it happened etc… it managed to be GREAT. So a re-match sounds like a good idea, right?

Unless something drastically changes this time around, I’m gonna say this is fucking awful. Steiner/HHH awful. But it’s the main event for the show so I’m gonna endure it.

nothing bust stalling + punches for 5 minutes and then… ROCK BOTTOM . 5 minutes in and we get a fucking finisher. For a 2 count .

Huh, using a weight lifting belt on your opponent is perfectly legal apparently. Why more people don’t bring one to the ring to aid them makes no sense to me. IT’S LEGAL APPARENTLY.

More nothingness and then SHARPSHOOTER IN MONTREAL.

STEEL CHAIR TO THE ROCK. And the referee… doesn’t give a shit .

Oh a People’s Elbow now. Two in a row. HOGAN NO SELLS .

LEG DROP.

Apparently Hogan can kick out of a Rock Bottom in 5 minutes, then 2 Elbows in a row… but Rock needs Vince to turn the lights out after ONE Leg Drop .

Oh and the referee is down. The brand new ref from Montreal that we’ve never seen before tonight. That isn’t odd.

Ref hands Rock a steel chair, Rock smashes it over Hogan.

Rock Bottom. Done.

Wow. This is just wow. BAD AS FUCK. Rock/Hogan II is like Rock/Cena II. Finishers with FUCK ALL in between. Terrible.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 4