Judgment Day 2009

So Big Show Vs Cena is on this show and… I remember nothing else. I have a feeling I ain’t gonna like a lot of what’s on offer here.

CM Punk Vs Umaga

PPV is in Chicago so Punk is kinda OVER.

I don’t remember Umaga getting a new theme. Is this just some DVD edit? Which would make no sense because he’s been on tons of PPV’s with his old theme so… I guess I just didn’t notice he got a theme change at the time? That sounds more likely.

What’s that spinny-slam thing Umaga does? I forgot the name, but it always looks incredible and fuck me he launches Punk with it.

Love how Umaga has a submission in on Punk, who then grabs the ropes to break the hold, so Umaga just gets up and JUMPS on Punk’s arm while he’s holding the ropes. THAT’LL TEACH YOU FOR USING A ROPE BREAK YOU PUSSY.

So the first half of this is kinda iffy. I mean, it’s not awful, but it seems that whenever Umaga gains control, he just wants to apply a fucking VULCAN DEATH GRIP. Does Vince masturbate to that hold or something because I swear EVERY big man in WWE seems to use it at some point. But in between those boring holds we have Punk fighting back for his life, and Umaga using his FATNESS to put an end to Punk’s offence.

Once they start going into another gear and towards the finishing stretch, shit gets GOOD. Holy fuck Punk just runs into Umaga a few times with knees and kicks to the face and UMAGA DOESN’T PROTECT HIMSELF. He just stands there and is all “FUCK YOU I AIN’T GOING DOWN” .

Umaga really looks like a fucking BEAST during this entire match, just taking kick after kick after kick to the head and STILL coming back like the Samoan Terminator. In the end he taks THREE roundhouse kicks to the head, then murders Punk with the Samoan Spike for the win.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

A segment with Chabo and Vickie. Oh joy. Turns out Cena has been medically cleared AFTER BEING BLOWN UP THREE WEEKS AGO to wrestle THE BIG SHOW. Punk was right about the WWE doctors .

Christian Vs Jack Swagger – ECW Championship Match

Rematch .

Remember when Swagger had a bright future? Ahh, the good old days.

BITCH SLAPS~!

Christian gets Swagger pissed off with BITCH SLAPS, then runs out of the ring and forces Swagger to chase him so he can get the jump on him as they get back into the ring. Swagger recovers and tries for a huge body press slam like at Backlash, but Christian remembers and counters into a Killswitch attempt where Swagger nearly shits himself!!! Great opening sequence that played off their Backlash match!!! I <3 stuff like this .

Once again it’s Swagger’s POWER that puts him in control of the match, first with a huge shoulder block off the apron which looked nasty… and then Swagger just fucking LAUNCHES Christian INTO the ring post from the floor . A nice way to basically modify what he did at Backlash, as that didn’t work this time around . THIS is how you have a fucking re-match!

OKLAHOMA STAMPEDE~! Christian counters it AGAIN, but this time Swagger isn’t able to recover and finish off hitting the hold!

See-Saw kick thingy in the corner from Christian . Always enjoyed that move .

Has there ever been a better series of matches between two people that really showcase one wrestler as being the wily veteran and the other wrestler as the rookie with tons of potential? Because that’s what all of the matches between these two seem to show, and show REALLY FUCKING WELL.

Love the finish to this match too, which is again playing off their Backlash match. At Backlash, Christian exposed the turnbuckle to smash Swagger into it while the referee was busy fixing the other exposed turnbuckle that Swagger was trying to use. Here, Swagger rolls up Christian and grabs the tights but only gets a two count because the referee saw it. A few moments later and Christian does the exact same thing to him but gets away with it and retains the title!!!

Fantastic match and I don’t think I’ve loved it any more than right now. Sure it’s not quite on the same level as Backlash, but I’m doubting anything on this show from here is going to come close to it, and I can see myself thinking it’s still one of the better matches of the year when I’m done with 2009 .

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

Shelton Benjamin Vs John Morrison

Charlie Hass is back with Shelton? In 2009? I… remember NONE OF THIS.

Speaking of remembering NONE OF THIS… why is this match happening? No video package, no title on the line… just 2 guys having a random match on PPV apparently.

Oh ok, this is happening because Morrison already beat Shelton. MAKES SENSE…

Fun start to this one with the first move being an EXPLODER SUPLEX from Shelton .

YOU SAW NOTHING!!!

Impressive? Yes. STUPID? Fuck yes. If Shelton didn’t basically move forward to catch Morrison who clearly didn’t get the distance he was looking for, it would have been a 450 SPLAT.

WINNING AT JUDGMENT DAY IS BIG FOR ANYONE~!

Ahhh, rest holds. A match between two of the “best athletes in the company” and they are just sitting about with a sleeper hold. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?

AMG MORRISON COUNTERED A SLEEPER WITH… HIS OWN SLEEPER!!!

Benjamin almost kills Morrison when he catches him coming off the rope in one corner, then tried to keep him in position so he can run to the other corner and powerbomb him… and nearly falls over before he gets there, sending Morrison into the turnbuckle a little too early.

Oh look starship pain. Morrison won.

This was shit and dull and shit and dull.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

The Jiz shows up and spends far too long talking.

Rey Mysterio Vs Chris Jericho – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

Ahhh SD 2009 after the draft. A ton of great talent and a real emphasis on great matches. One of the things they did during this time as well was put more focus on the IC title, by giving it to Rey and having him feud, actually FEUD, with Jericho. With the main focus of the feud being the TITLE. I have a lot of fond memories of SD 09 in general (in fact I do believe I have the entire year on my PC…), and I do remember enjoying this whole feud, and it’s matches… though never to the exstent that everyone else tends to .

Taken me almost THREE WEEKS to actually start watching this match. I stopped originally because it was late and I was tired. After that… thanks to current wrestling being so bad, I’ve just been put off of ANY wrestling. But now, with some ALCOHOL~! in me, I’m hoping to get back into this!

Seems that this match is all about the 619, and Jericho being determined to avoid it while also potentially unmasking Rey. Simple enough and real easy to work into the match .

Jericho does his best to be AGGRESSIVE as a HEEL, which ends up getting him a pretty loud JERICHO chant from the crowd, while Rey uses his speed to make Jericho look like a chump. Fun times!

Pretty awesome LEG DROP from Rey. Think Undertaker’s apron leg drop, but from the top rope and with his opponent see-sawing on the bottom rope .

How many surgeries has Rey had on his knees? I think it was 9 when he recorded the “Don’t try this at home” footage… and that was YEARS before this match. Not surprised it’s been so many because the amount of times he bumps and hangs himself in the ropes by his knee is INSANE.

KICK TO THE HEAD~! JERICHO IS IN POSITION FOR THE 619!!! Really like the back body drop type move Jericho does to counter this. It’s not a proper back body drop and looks a little sloppy, but really puts over the fact that Jericho just managed to escape the hold and counter Rey without thinking. And no, that’s not to say it was a botch of any kind either.

BACK BREAKER~! Not a typical one, but more of a Torture Rack combined with the… Train Wreck? Or De-railer? That back breaker move A-Train did .

JERICHO GOES FOR THE MASK~!

Crazy that the crowd goes APESHIT when Jericho is about to lock in the Walls, but then equally go APESHIT when Rey counters out of it. Good to know the fans are still behind the BABYFACE even if they love Jericho too.

Another 619 attempt, but Jericho just avoids it this time.

Another Walls of Jericho attempt, and Rey counters to set up another 619, but Jericho then counters that into another Walls which is successful!!! WHICH MYSTERIO TAP OUT?!?!?

No, no he will not .

After some more struggling, Mysterio FINALLY hits the 619, follows it up with the splash and Mysterio retains the title in one hell of a match!!!

Was kinda sceptical on this match tbh. People rate their 09 series REALLY high and I’ve personally never been too high on them. But I definitely loved the hell out of this one, and while I know ONE of their upcoming matches is still likely to be overrated imo, I’m hoping the other (or others? I forget how many they had lol) is similar to this one .

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Randy Orton Vs Batista – WWE Championship Match

Oh god I need more alcohol…

*1 week later*

FINE I’LL WATCH IT.

Yey, the match starts with stalling. Exactly what I was hoping for…

HEADLOCK~! Oh man this just gets better…

I THINK YOU CAN DESCRIBE RANDY ORTON’S EMOTION AT TIMES AS EMOTIONLESS~!

Orton just went into a pin cover LIKE A PYTHON. Because we all know how Pythons make covers in wrestling matches, right?

I think Orton is as bored with this match as me, and runs to the outside and tells the referee to count him out. Batista is being a bitch and ruins things by chasing after Orton. So I guess this match is gonna continue…

ORTON HUGGING THE RING POST~! oh if Orton clinging to the ring post to get countout out, preventing Batista from getting him back in the ring was the finish, I’d give this *****.

Does Cole have a cheat sheet with SNAKE PUNS to use for Orton, or is Vince just constantly in his ear telling him to say all that shit?

ORTON HUMPING THE MAT~! Oh wait, he’s setting up the RKO .

Oh ffs, Orton slaps the referee. Oh god this whole match was a poor attempt at recreating NWO 08, wasn’t it?

It failed. At everything.

At least Flair shows up at the end and takes out Legacy . So… shouldn’t FLAIR be the #1 contender now?

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

John Cena Vs The Big Show

Remember when Big Show chokeslammed Cena off the stage through a fucking STADIUM LIGHT? And then Cena was pretty much fine outside of some hurt ribs? WRESTLING~!

PUNCHY PUNCHY RIB RIB.

While nothing fancy is going on here, Cena is doing a wonderful job of selling the pain in his ribs, and Show, while not too varied on offence, is working them over nicely. Loved the spot on the outside with Show smashing Cena ribs first into the ring post.

Cena escaping the camel clutch was incredible.

Cena, with injured ribs, POWERS OUT OF A BEARHUG BY THE BIG SHOW. Shit of the bull right there.

Thankfully Big Show gets revenge for that shitty moment by squashing Cena with his ARSE. WELL IT’S THE BIG ARSE~!

Cena starts a comeback, and basically launches his head into Big Show’s knee like a fucking MISSILE and it’s kinda awesome.

The longer the match goes on, the less Cena sells the ribs which is a big shame. He’ll avoid ONE move from Show then suddenly he’s able to run around and jump and shit like there is nothing wrong with him, and it pisses me off a little lol. And he does it a couple of times…

Cena also keeps going for the STFU. The first time he tries it, he realises he CAN’T DO IT BECAUSE HE’S NOT GOT THE REACH TO DO IT TO SOMEONE THE SIZE OF THE BIG SHOW. So… he tries it again multiple times, seemingly hoping he’ll grow in between tries .

AA and Cena wins. LOL?

A lot of good here, but it does go on for a little TOO long imo, and Cena does a lot of bullshit that brings the whole thing down for me. Show was great in it, though.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

Edge Vs Jeff Hardy – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Phew, last match.

Match involves some back work by Edge, and lots of crashing and burning by Jeff with the occasional hit with some high risk offence. Todd Grishm keeps referring to Jeff as a poker player.

Nothing worth mentioning happens for like 15 minutes and then… a Spear off the announce table into the barricade happens OUT OF NOWHERE and… I still don’t care .

Well, Jeff recovers from that fairly quickly…

Another big spot on the outside, then Matt shows up and decks Jeff or something but Edge STILL cannot pin Hardy.

And again Hardy recovers from that fairly fast…

Super… plex/DDT thingy and Edge wins.

I honestly didn’t care from the start.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Overall CAL SCALE – 12