Category: Written Reviews

Survivor Series 2002

 

The debut of the ELIMINATION CHAMBER~!

 

Bubba Ray & Spike Dudley & Jeff Hardy Vs 3 Minute Warning & Rico – Elimination Tables Match

I like elimination tables matches. In this case it means we are guaranteed at least 5 people going through tables .

 Bubba throws Spike at 3 Minute Warning, who catch him… AND THEN STAND THERE WHILE BUBBA GETS ON HIS HAND AND KNEES TO SET UP A LAUNCHING PAD FOR JEFF TO LEAP OVER THE ROPES ONTO THEM. HUR DUR WE 3 MINUTE WARNING WE SMRT.

Holy moley, Hurricanrana from SPIKE to JAMAL.

ROSEY HEAD FIRST THROUGH A TABLE. And all it does is FUCK HIM OFF lol. He wasn’t eliminated either, he drove himself through.

 Rosey didn’t catch Jeff coming off the ropes, so Jeff just DIES and gets a big splash for his trouble .

 Spike’s table bump is .

 Rosey goes for a moonsault, Bubba crotches him on the ropes and he BOUNCES OFF HIS COCK and does a split legged moonsault to himself . That was fucking tremendous lol.

A tag tables match at MSG? Well gee, this sounds familiar! And to help us remember, they go over to the tunnel opposite the entrance way behind the ring to do a table spot their . Bubba desperately fighting against 2 men to get them out of the way so he can save Jeff is pretty awesome. Rosey on the table, Jeff on top of the tunnel, SWANTON BOMB~! Ahhh, RR 2000 memories .

Ha, Jeff lands a great whisper in the wind on Jamal. For some reason, even with Jamal as UMAGA, Jeff always landed that move the best on him lol. Bigger target maybe?

 another RR 00 memory is attempted, but Jeff slips off the barricade while trying to run it, and he just flops head first through a standing table .

HOLY FUCK JAMAL SPLASHES JEFF THROUGH A TABLE FROM THE TOP ROPE TO THE OUTSIDE. DAYUM!!!

TOP TOPE POWERBOMB THROUGH A TABLE~! Jamal is DONE.

Rico and Bubba are the last 2. Rosey comes back even though he’s been eliminated, and Jamal recovers and gets back in too! Now it’s 3 on 1! So who gonna save Bubba? Spike? Jeff?

D-VON DUDLEY!!! THE REVEREND HAS REFORMED AND REJOINED WITH BUBBA!!! 3-D! Rico through a table!!! Bubba wins! Bubba wins!!!

Well this is still an absolute TON of fun. One or two silly moments (and the RICO botch which is conveniently edited from the DVD release lol), but overall just a good elimination tables tag match. Probably the second best tables match.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Jamie Noble Vs Billy Kidman – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

Kidman seems to have Noble’s number lately, beating him a few times in a row in tags and non title matches. So Kidman goes for a bunch of quick pins right off the bat, hoping to catch the champ off guard and capitalise on the momentum he’s built over the last few weeks.

 Noble hits a PERFECT suicide dive to Kidman. Looks like they headbutted each other too lol.

 at… THAT MOVE that Kidman hits. It’s like a mix between the F-U and GTS, with the back of the neck smashing down onto his knee. Noble is rocked, and Kidman feels it and goes for a SSP, but Nidia on the outside sees it coming and moves her MAN out of the ring.

 at Tazz trying to sing. He did better in Willy Wonka tbh.

Kidman gets a TON of offense in this match, really playing up on the whole “has Noble’s number” story, but Nidia on the outside continues to make a difference and saving her MAN on a number of occasions, almost evening the odds so to speak with Kidman being on such a roll.

SWEET JEBUS at that DDT from Noble. Could have EASILY been the finish right there.

Nidia again tries to prevent a SSP, but this time Kidman sees her coming and kicks her to the floor! SSP lands, and we got a NEW CW champ!

This was good. Kidman getting as much shit in as he did makes perfect sense for the story of the match based on the build up (see HHH, this is an example of it DONE RIGHT), and I liked how Nidia was used on the outside too.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

BANGLE BACKSTAGE SEGMENT. Tag team partners don’t shake hands. Tag team partners GOTTA HUG!!!  No wonder Benoit did what he did, he got fucking traumatised by Angle here!

 

 at Victoria going crazy backstage.

 

Trish Stratus Vs Victoria – Hardcore Rules WWE Women’s Championship Match

First weapon brought out is a broom by Victoria. WOMEN KNOWS HER PLACE!!! 

Oooohhhh damn, Trish gets thrown face first into a trash can that is tied to one of the corner posts. Looked NASTY. I wanna get NASTY with Trish. Fairly certain I’ve said something like that before. Maybe not with Trish though .

Trish gets her own back by smashing Victoria’s face into a trash can… then places it over her face and kicks it. Which like, DOES NOTHING TO VICTORIA .

IRONING BOARD!  at these weapons. Men have a hardcore match and we get KENDO STICKS AND STEEL CHAIRS. Women have one and it’s BROOM STICKS AND IRONING BOARDS .

Oh wait, A KENDO STICK! Too late I’m afraid. This match is decimating to women already .

VICTORIA IS BLEEDING~! So Trish decides to make it worse by smashing her face some more with trash can lids! Yey!

POWERBOMB TO TRISH~!

CHICK KICK~! Trish kinda misses and just gets Victoria’s hands lol, so they re-do the spot . BOTCHED STRATUSFACTION~! Trish is botching left and right here lol. SHE NEEDS PUNISHING~!

Fire extinguisher sprayed in Trish’s face followed by a SUPLEX and Victoria wins!

A couple of dodgy spots but overall a fun women’s FIGHT with lots of weapon usage .

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Brock Lesnar Vs The Big Show – WWE Championship Match

.

Big Show in a WWE title match at SVS? This sounds familiar… oh yeah, I just watched RAW this week and Show gets a WWE title match against Orton at SVS. In 2013 .

Show is disgruntled at how he’s been treated for the last couple of years and determined to prove he’s still GOT IT. Lesnar is new, young and THE NEXT BIG THING and wants to prove that he can go up against anyone and beat them. What results is too incredibly motivated BEASTS beating the shit out of each other .

BACK SUPLEX to Big Show! Didn’t get him up too high though, but still impressive! Not as impressive however as the GERMAN SUPLEX, and good god it looks like Show landed on LESNAR’S HEAD. HEAD? OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!!! TO THE FUCKING BIG SHOW!!!  Now THAT is amazingly fucking IMPRESSIVE.

Ref takes a great bump when Lesnar just RUNS HIM THE FUCK OVER. Heyman throws in a chair, Lesnar decks Show and hits the F-5!!! New ref comes down, 1…2.. HEYMAN PULLS THE REFEREE OUT!!! Yep, time for the annual Survivor Series SCREWJOB!!!

 at the look on Heyman’s face when Lesnar realises what happened and chases after him.

CHOKESLAM ON THE STEEL CHAIR. 1…2…3 and we got us a NEW Champion! The Big Show becomes the FIRST PERSON to pin Lesnar on TV!!!

 for a 5 minute match or whatever, this was . Love it.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Edge & Rey Mysterio Vs Chris Benoit & Kurt Angle Vs Los Guerreros – WWE Tag Team Championship Elimination Match

REDGE VS BANGLE VS EDDIE & THAT OTHER GUY!!!

 I love how Eddie and Chavo are trying to start shit in the beginning, pushing everyone around… then both going on the apron to leave the other 2 teams to go at it. Eddie .

Edge & Rey dominate early on, getting the better of even Angle and Benoit, so Angle decides to tag in CHAVO! Take THAT, Chavo. Time for you to get a beating! 

Eddie and Rey .

Rey continues to dominate this match to Eddie tags Angle back in! LOL

Holy absolutely SHIT at Rey being thrown in the air by Angle, and Rey trying to land on the ropes and SLIPPING, landing HARD on his head. Ouch!!! Luckily he seems ok for the most part though, but that slip allows Angle and Benoit to gain control of this match!

Love Angle’s use of the clotheslines to cut off Rey a couple of times. Looks NASTY every time. Angle falls to the mat when he does it to make it look more vicious and Rey bumps like fuck off it. Bangle working over Rey is . Match is more “grounded” at this point than their NM match. not in the sense that they roll around on the mat and shit, but they slow things down and don’t go nuts with MOVES~!

Rey’s actual comeback that allowed him to make a tag to Edge is . A GREAT counter sequence between him and Angle. Then we have Angle trying to tag one of the Guerrero’s since he’s closest to them, and they jump off the apron and leave him to suffer!!! Los Guerrero’s are working SMART in this one.

SPEAR countered by Angle into a drop toe hold, and lands where Benoit is who applies the Crossface, allowing Angle to lock in the Ankle Lock!!! Rey makes the save and begins to dive around on everyone because he’s Rey fucking Mysterio and he can do anything he wants!!!

SUNSET FLIP COMBINED WITH A GERMAN SUPLEX~! That was TOOOOOOOOOO SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!

 Eddie and Chavo with the LIE, CHEAT AND STEAL antics to cause Benoit and Angle to have problems leading to their elimination is . Sucks that they get eliminated first, but again shows how SMART Los Guerreros have been in this match so far!

Love the first part of this match. We get a good control segment from BANGLE over Rey, a sweet comeback and then a great finishing stretch that DID feature some finishers, but NOBODY kicked out of anything or escaped submission holds as they were always broken up, keeping the actual moves CREDIBLE still (hey, remember when Angle had credible finishers? ME EITHER  ).

Angle is FUCKED that he and Benoit are eliminated first, and beats the shit out of Edge and Rey before leaving, giving Los Guerreros ANOTHER advantage in this match, to go with the fact that they spent most of the first part of this one on the apron!

Things slow down again as Los Guerreros work over Edge, hoping to get the win asap as he was attacked by Angle. Ok workover segment before Rey gets a hot tag, and having rested on the outside he comes in with a BANG and the pace picks up again .

Ref is trying to get Edge out of the ring, Rey goes for the WEST COAST POP and Chavo decks him with the tag belts! LASO FROM EL PASO . LOS GUERREROS WIN!!! EDDIE IS TAG CHAMPS!!!

 oh SVS tag match, how I love you <3. You didn’t suck on this watch . This is tremendous fun and a super worked elimination tag match .

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Chris Nowinski and Matt Hardy show up and insult the crowd. HOLLA, IF YA HEAR ME!!! SCOTT FUCKING STEINER!!! HE’S BACK!!! REACTION IS INSANE. HE KILLS THEM BOTH. 

 

Triple H Vs Shawn Michaels Vs Chris Jericho Vs Booker T Vs RVD Vs Kane – World Heavyweight Championship Elimination Chamber Match

The first ever EC match! I love how this SVS kept with tradition with elimination matches, but put a twist on them. 6 man elimination tag tables match, triple threat elimination tag, and now the ELIMINATION Chamber!

HHH and RVD start this thing, with everyone else chilling in their pods. We get to see the uniqueness of the CHAMBER early on, with RVD back dropping HHH over the ropes right onto the steel floor, which is of course level with the ring. He then starts using the ropes to bounce HHH into the steel chain walls of the chamber too. I’m a big fan of the chamber design. I like how they can use the ropes like that, and I love the steel floor being level with the ring too. They can still go outside like in HIAC but it makes it a little different.

And the PODS can also come into play too, with RVD climbing Jericho’s pod to try and jump off, but Jericho reaches up and holds onto RVD’s leg to stop him!!!

HHH is getting MURDERED by RVD in the first 5 minutes. Bleeding and everything. And he fucking deserves it. FUCK YOU AND YOUR SHITTY 2002.

The first 5 minutes are up, and to NOBODY’S SURPRISE, Jericho is out first! Why nobody’s surprise? Because they made it fucking obvious every damn time for like, the first million of these matches. It all depends on their entrances into the match. HBK came out first and was put in a pod first, so he comes out LAST. Jericho was the last person to go into a pod before HHH and RVD started the match, so he came out FIRST. And this would go on for a LONG time in these matches. Yet they kept acting like it was random .

SPIDER-MAN~!

HHH and Jericho are both HEELS, so despite everything they went through earlier in the year (WM, HIAC…), they work together against RVD because… STUFF!!!

Nice beatdown on RVD, before he makes a cool comeback only to be cut off with a SICK DDT. Oh great, Booker T is in the match. Business is about to go under. I mean… pick up…

SPINAROONIE. Because even in a match this deadly there is ALWAYS time for that. Booker T takes care of the heels, RVD gets back up and then of course the BABYFACES fight each other. Which makes them look fucking stupid compared to the heels. WORK TOGETHER YOU DUMB CUNTS.

RVD goes to the top of a pod again, this time an empty one… and hits a FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH onto the game! Which in actual fact crushes part of HHH’s throat when his leg lands across it . Actual splash looked terrible too. HHH was far too close and RVD could barely move around from that height when he had to come down straight away.

BOOKER T PINS RVD~!

HHH GETS HIS FOOT ON THE ROPES~!

Time for KANE to come out and play! At least when Kane attacks Booker T you can understand it because he’s a MONSTER that pretty much hates anyone lol.

JERICHO THROUGH A POD~! Ahhh, I remember when that spot was new and fresh and cool. Will likely only be good again if ROMAN REIGNS gets to SPEAR someone through it. And not the Goldberg spear when he hit the spear, smashed into the pod, didn’t break it and had to force Jericho (I think it was him again?) through it .

 Jericho sells the POD spot by getting up about 20 seconds later, hitting a Lionsault on Booker and pinning him! I’m not complaining though. Booker T is gone .

HBK!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS HE WEARING AND WHO THE FUCK CUT HIS HAIR?!?! 

KANE gets on a roll, chokeslamming everyone!!! Yet doesn’t eliminate a single person .

Tombstone attempt countered into a SUPERKICK~! Followed by a PEDIGREE~! Followed by a LIONSAULT~! And Kane is eliminated!!!

So far the match has been REALLY good, but urgh, the HHH/Jericho Vs HBK part now is DULL. It goes on forever and neither HHH or Jericho can make their beatdown that interesting.

Finally after a looooong (feel like FOREVER) handicap situation, Jericho and HHH fall apart and try to kill each other.

WALLS OF JERICHO~! SUPERKICK~! JERICHO IS ELIMINATED~!

Now we are down to HHH and HBK. Urgh . HBK THROUGH A POD~!

SUPERKICK~! BLOCKED~! PEDIGREE~! KICKOUT!!!! KICKOUT!!!! KICKOUT!!!

PEDIGREE~! COUNTERED~! SUPERKICK!!! SUPERKICK!!! NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!! SHAWN MICHAELS IS THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!

 so aside from the DULL portion towards the end with HHH, Jericho and HBK, this is still great. Still consider the 05 match to be BETTER, but this is still currently #2, though one day I would like to watch all of them and rank them for the first time ever lol.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 20

King of the Ring 2002

 

Well I gotta watch the main event for this show at some point. Might as well be now. 

 

Chris Jericho Vs Rob Van Dam – King of the Ring Semi-Final Match

They do some basic fancy looking counters and shit to start with, ending with both of them going for a dropkick at the same time. But they make it good afterwards when RVD does his “R! V! D!” thing to show that HE is actually the better man, and Jericho slaps him in the face. Which leads to RVD KICKING JERICHO IN THE FACE with a somewhat EPIC kick tbh. Looked like the toe of RVD’s boot jabbed Jericho in the eye lol.

From that point, RVD is in firm control, using his unique offence to take Jericho to the limit and beyond. He sets up for a 5 star frog splash… and Jericho pushes the ref into the ropes, crotching Van Dam on the turnbuckle!!!

BREAKDOWN~! And RVD kicks out. Guess it’s no longer his finisher lol, because the commentators don’t even MENTION the move, and the fans don’t react .

 at Jericho as he chokes RVD with wrist tape. The ref tells him off and Jericho just screams back “BUT I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD!” at him .

Jericho smashes himself into the ring post and RVD begins his comeback and URGH he starts it with those elbows. Those god awful elbows. Oh god there is a HHH Vs RVD match on PPV in 02, isn’t there? SHITTY ELBOWS VS SHITTY PUNCHES await me .

 Jericho avoids a leg sweep and counters with a sweeet Enzeguri to the head .

GERMAN SUPLEX~! RVD fold up and STAYS LIKE THAT until Jericho makes a cover and he kicks out!

Pace picks up now and they both go for high impact/signature moves and they do give us a pretty cool finishing stretch tbh.

LIONSAULT~! MISSES!!!

5 STAR FROG SPLASH~! MISSES!!!

LIONSAULT~! KICK OUT!!!

Jericho tries for something on the ropes, gets crotched and hit with a 5 Star Frog Splash and RVD advances to the finals!

This was pretty good . Finishing stretch was tons of fun, and Jericho’s control segment was good too. Jericho then attacks RVD after the match.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Test Vs Brock Lesnar – King of the Ring Semi-Final Match

Yey Lesnar has his good music now.

Cool to see Lesnar against a big powerful opponent. Test can throw out some power stuff but more importantly Lesnar can throw out bigger and better power stuff which makes him look so much more impressive.

 Test kicks out at one point and Lesnar can’t believe it so he just SMASHES his forearm into Test’s face and goes for another pin. Lesnar is awesome.

Heyman nearly has a heart attack any time TEST hits something successfully .

HOLY SHIT, the Big Boot near fall is . Looks great and Heyman probably died for a few seconds thinking it was over then and there. He recovers enough to distract Test, F-5 from Lesnar and this is done.

Fun stuff!

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Jamie Noble Vs The Hurricane – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

Man, I forgot how much FUN Noble and Nidia’s characters were lol.

Pretty well built up feud for this (ahhh, CW feuds, another reason to miss the brand split  ), so there is some HATE~! here to play off .

Helms is on a roll to start with, rocking Noble with some big shots and nearly lands a CHOKESLAM too. Then Nidia tries to grab his feet coming off the ropes, but she MISSES  and because it’s the spot, Helms looks back and chases after her anyway, allowing Noble to KILL Helms with a legit KILLER clothesline that made me .

 at Lawler trying to get JR to fantasise about Nidia .

Thing get a little dull with Noble applying a sleeper hold, which sucks . Then Hurricane makes his comeback but it falls a little flat tbh. The crowd just aren’t into the match at all, making the near falls just DIE because nobody cares .

HUGE neckbreaker from the top rope are least gets a reaction. Looked great. But unfortunately that can’t make up for the fact this match has been fairly dull for the most part. Which is a shame. It started off good, then died. Fans only hot hot for the neckbreaker and then the CHOKESLAM that followed, and then the match ends with Noble getting the win.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs Ric Flair

Eddie is just  early on in this match. He’s moving about all over the place, using his speed and quickness to out manoeuvre Flair, mocking him the entire time because Flair is old and slow and he’s young and fast.

I do hate that the commentators are REALLY putting Eddie down. They talk about how Flair is a master inside the ring and has probably forgotten more about wrestling than Eddie knows and all that shit… and I’m sat thinking to myself “Eddie has been in the business for what, 14/15 years at this point? And is a second generation star who grew up in and around the business and learnt a TON from his dad and brothers. Why the fuck are you treating him like some rookie?”.

Flair comes back with a LOW BLOW, showing that he’s still the dirtiest player in the game, and Eddie shows that he is FAR from a rookie by going to the outside to recover and prevent Flair from building any kind of momentum. I’m all for putting FLAIR over, but at the expense of Eddie? Feck off.

Guerrero continues to mock Flair, this time by using Flair’s own gameplan on him, targeting the legs and locking in a Figure Four!!!

A missed FROG SPLASH allows Flair to get back into it, and he shows Eddie how the Figure Four is really done! Benoit shows up and stands on the outside as we watch Flair fumble about on the mat trying desperately to do a bunch of quick pins but is too slow and too old to really execute them properly and it’s hilarious yet sad at the same time  .

Eddie distracts the referee, and Benoit drags Flair to the outside and applies the Crossface! Referee doesn’t see him doing it but sends Benoit to the back anyway.

While the referee is busy with Benoit, Bubba Ray shows up! Bubba Bomb! Flair crawls into the ring, goes for a pin and gets the win!

Well this match was disappointing . Started off fun, but then it just becomes generic. Eddie attacks the legs. Flair makes a comeback. Interference. Finish.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Molly Holly Vs Trish Stratus – WWE Women’s Championship Match

No thanks.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Kurt Angle Vs Hulk Hogan

 at the wig Angle is wearing.

Oh god this one starts off with a test of strength. The memory of HHH/Hogan is flooding my mind. GET IT AWAY!!!

 at Hogan swinging his arm around to build up to a big punch… then when he comes time to punch, he stops spinning and throws the punch the OPPOSITE WAY HE WAS SPINNING. Come on Hogan, a guy your age can’t afford to waste energy like that!

Gotta give it to Hogan here though, he does take a lot of offence from Angle, which includes a bunch of suplexes lol. Taking all those back bumps can’t be good for the guy!!! 

SLEEPER HOLD. Likely quite literally used as a rest hold here so Hogan can keep on going for the remainder of the match .

ANGLE SLAM~! HOGAN KICKS OUT~!

HULK UP~!

Hogan takes the wig off, but eh, seeing Angle bald for the last 11 years takes away any kind of impact it has lol . Angle is so disgusted that he decides to leave, but comes back when he sees Hogan wearing the wig .

CHAIR TO ANGLE’S FACE… DONE BY HIMSELF~! BIG BOOT~! LEGDROP… COUNTERED INTO AN ANKLE LOCK~!

Hogan taps out.

Match is fine. Nothing special, but I wouldn’t call it bad or anything. Hogan being limited probably works in the match’s favour tbh because it prevents Angle from going all out with MOVES~! .

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

BOOKER T AND GOLDUST. Goldust is pretending to be The Rock . The real Rock shows up and ruins everything. GoldRock > Real Rock. Goldust rubbing his nipples while Rock is talking is . Booker trying not to laugh is . Goldust rules.

 

Brock Lesnar Vs Rob Van Dam – King of the Ring Finals Match

RVD fights Lesnar HEAD ON from the get go, and Lesnar eats some fucking epic kicks to the face.

POWERBOMB. Welp, RVD is doomed lol.

Lesnar’s power here is just . Completely MAULS RVD. Can’t wait to see their lengthier Vengeance match soon.

BEAR HUG~! Lesnar makes it look INCREDIBLE. Heyman on the outside screaming “SQUEEZE!!!” adds a whole lot to it too. Lesnar is one of the few people who can BEAR HUG someone and not make me wanna shoot myself. A rare quality in a wrestler lol.

Damn, Lesnar catches a kick from RVD and just THROWS him up into the air and onto his shoulders. Incredible RAW POWER.

RVD starts to rock Lesnar, and to keep Lesnar motivated we hear Heyman constantly screaming “TITLE SHOT!!!” to remind Lesnar of the importance of this one. 5 STAR FROG SPLASH~! Heyman drops RVD neck first across the ropes, and RVD falls back into the cover! Lesnar kicks out, catches RVD from the ropes and levels him with an F-5.

ALL HAIL KING LESNAR!!!

Tremendously fun match. Short but good. Lesnar looks incredible, RVD gets some decent offence in and almost beats THE BEAST, which helps set up their rematch perfectly. 

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

HHH backstage runs into THE NWO. They all HUG and shit. NWO tell Triple H to do the CLIQUE hand signal if he needs any help. I need help with this next match, can I get the NWO to review it for me instead? PLEASE? 

 

The Undertaker Vs Triple H – WWE Undisputed Championship Match

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. DO NOT WANT.

But it’s a main event, it’s a WWE title match, and it has THE UNDERTAKER in it. So I gotta watch it . BRB need beer.

 at HHH getting his win back over Hogan to become #1 contender for this match. CAN’T HAVE SOMEONE BEAT HIM WITHOUT HIM BEATING THEM BACK!!!

Heyman being on commentary to scout Lesnar’s potential SS opponent might hopefully help me get through this one. HOPEFULLY. I’m scared .

OH GOD 27 MINUTES LEFT ON THE EVENT. I don’t think I have enough alcohol to get me through this.

Arrghhh, awful HHH punches right from the get go. Undertaker hates them too so he just fucking HEADBUTTS HHH. And not in the “put my hand on HHH’s head and headbutt my hand in a way that looks like I headbutted his head” but a “fuck this shit. HEADBUTT UNPROTECTED”. Maybe he was hoping it would knock either or both of them loopy so they could get through the match not really knowing what the fuck was going on. I know I could do with something like that.

Ahhh, Undertaker is in control for the moment. GOAT PUNCHES. But so far this appears to be like their Insurrextion match, with HHH refusing to give Undertaker anything for too long. GOTTA GET DEM SHITTY PUNCHES IN.

FFS HHH, LET UNDERTAKER HAVE A FECKING CONTROL SEGMENT. Do you not understand basic wrestling 101? HEEL BUILDS HEAT, BABYFACE MAKES COMEBACK. It’s the most basic of things, yet it fucking WORKS. Why should anyone care about you getting offence in if you do it every 30 bloody seconds for a 25 minute match? I gotta say though, I do  at certain parts of this because UNDERTAKER seems to be shooting on HHH a few times, using some “old school” kinda moves that hurt like hell for real, such as rubbing his forearm into the face etc. I swear he’s pissed off with this match as much as we are, so he’s getting his shots in when he can .

Crowd has been AWFUL for this PPV btw. I don’t blame them for this match, but fuck, they’ve just not given a shit about anything or anyone for the most part. A hot crowd MIGHT have made this a little easier. MAYBE. We’ll never know though lol.

Still 15 minutes left . This seems to be lasting FOREVER. BRB need more beer.

 WORST REF BUMP EVER. ‘Taker sets HHH up for a catapult thingy into the corner. The referee is stood to the side, seeing what’s coming. THEN HE RANDOMLY MOVES INTO THE CORNER TO GET SQUASHED BY HHH .

The Rock shows up and Heyman runs away. Now we have to listen to HIM while watching this crap? Urgh.

 Undertaker kicks Rock in the face. BECAUSE HE CAN. Best part of the match so far.  then Rock tries to get revenge and ends up decking HHH in the head with a chair then gets mauled by Undertaker.

LAST RIDE~!

Another referee shows up, only gets a 2 count, so Undertaker punches him in the face.

ROCK BOTTOM~! Fuck you, Rock. Stop getting in ‘Taker’s business. You had no reason to show up half way into the match on commentary. And you certainly had no business hitting a Rock Bottom. This is like No Way Out all over again. Match happened there because Rock put his nose in Undertaker’s business when he shouldn’t have. Motherfucker.

PEDIGREE~!

ROLL UP~! Undertaker wins!!!

My god. This is awful. Awful. AWFUL. And it just seems to last FOREVER too. 25 minutes? More like a fucking day. At least Undertaker wins in this one. Still, it might actually be worse than their Insurrextion match.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 8

Judgment Day 2002

 

 Undertaker in the main event for the title .

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs Rob Van Dam – WWF Intercontinental Championship Match

Backlash was . Insurrextion was . I remember this being really good though . PLEASE HOLD UP. Sick of matches I used to like being shit on a rewatch lol.

RVD rocks Eddie early on and LATINO HEAT gets HOT. Things get worse for him when RVD makes him look like a fool, faking a dive off the ropes, causing Eddie to STOP AND DROP so RVD can land a split legged moonsault!!!

Nice to see RVD going after the back of Eddie, just as Eddie did in their Backlash match. He even busts out some of the same moves too!!! 

Eddie’s control segment starts off with a PUNCH TO THE FACE which makes me smile . Similar to Insurrextion, Eddie focused on the head and neck of Van Dam as it was the NECKBREAKER on the IC title that brought Eddie the win.

 Eddie keeps selling the back while on offense, and RVD even goes after it again during a comeback. Those shoulders he does to someone in the corner? He does that to Eddie while he’s stomach first in the turnbuckle, so he’s driving his shoulder into the BACK of Eddie. Both guys seem to be on top form, even if I’d likely guess that Eddie was putting the majority of this match together .

POWERBOMB . Just like how Eddie returned on Raw in 02, and goes to follow up with THE SUPERIOR Frog Splash, but he wastes too much time and RVD escapes! Now it’s time for HIS version of the Frog Splash and holy fuck Eddie BARELY gets out of the way!!!

Oh man, then the big STARE DOWN and shit when both guys make it to their feet, knowing that they BOTH missed their Frog Splashes . They ain’t happy so they just CHARGE at each other.

Backlside by RVD and holy fuck Eddie BARELY kicked out! RVD goes for a spinning kick and Eddie counters that into a backslide of his own, gets the feet up on the ropes and EDDIE WINS! EDDIE WINS! 

Loved this a ton. Always thought their Backlash match was superior, and well it still kinda is, but damn this is VERY close. Loved it more on this watch .

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Trish Stratus Vs Stacy Keibler – WWF Women’s Championship Match

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

No.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

 Vince goes to see Flair to congratulate him on turning heel on Austin. Arn in the background is AMAZING. Giggling like a girl and his head going all over the place looking at Vince, looking at Flair, looking at their hands as they tease a handshake. ARN.

 

The Hardy Boys Vs Brock Lesnar & Paul Heyman

Well Lesnar’s partner here is a HUGE step up from Planet Stasiak lol.

Lesnar doesn’t even make it to the ring before JEFF flies over the ropes… only to get CAUGHT!!! Baseball slide from Matt and Lesnar goes down. Hardy’s chase Heyman, allowing LESNAR to come in from behind and his DOMINATION begins .

GOLDBERG chants for Lesnar . Unlike Ryback those chants didn’t last long because he QUICKLY became something different the more and more his WRESTLING skills showed.

I like how Brock uses his sheer power to absolutely dominate, but he’s still very much a rookie in the company and every now and then makes a small mistake that guys like the Hardy Boys can capitalise on momentarily just to SURVIVE.

HARDYS GET HEYMAN~!

F-5! And Heyman starts screaming TAG ME, so Lesnar does. Then Heyman falls over the ropes trying to get in . Heyman rules. And he pins JEFF HARDY. He truly is THE BEST IN THE WORLD.

Fun fun fun fun fun fun fun .

Rating: **1/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Booker T is in the NWO now. His wife (we don’t know it’s his wife obviously) shows up and gives him her hotel key or something.

 

Steve Austin Vs The Big Show & Ric Flair

OH MY GOD THE FIRST FEW MINUTES OF THIS ARE UNGODLY AMOUNTS OF FUN. The stuff with Show is like their Insurrextion match on 30x fast forward, plus you have Flair in their eating a ton of shots to the face.  at Austin locking the Figure Four in on Show, then as Flair comes in to break it up, Austin sits up and punches him in the face . Then Austin puts FLAIR in the Figure Four, and Show goes for an elbow drop so Austin rolls onto his side to avoid it!!! And then we have some STEEL CHAIR SHENANIGANS~! FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN.

 at Austin walking over to Show on the apron, punching him in the face and then screaming WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? at him . Everyone in this just looks like they are having the time of their fucking lives. The crowd are HOT for everything too. 

 Flair is fucking awesome too. He literally drags Charles Robinson over to him, shows off his GUNS and while the ref is busy looking at some MUSCLE, Flair’s other arm is smashing up against Austin’s balls. Then Flair hits on some girls in the front row .

AUSTIN IS SCREAMING IN PAIN AT THE HANDS OF 2 MEN~!

Things slow down as they work over the leg of Austin, but Flair constantly talking shit makes everything tons more interesting .

STUNNER ON BIG SHOW~! Show didn’t even fall over! SUPERKICK BY X-PAC~! Austin dodges and Show is down! STUNNER TO FLAIR~! And Austin wins.

Well damn. DAMN. I HATED this last time I saw it. Now I fucking LOVE it. Pure fun.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Edge Vs Kurt Angle – Hair Vs Hair Match

WELL FUCK ME SIDEWAYS AND CALL ME MARY. That overhead belly to belly suplex OVER THE ROPES was epic. EPIC. Edge takes a fucking KILLER bump off it. Now THAT is how you transition into a control segment. Good god!

 at Lawler saying Edge has a head the shape of a Dinosaur. HE DOES HAVE AN ODD SHAPED HEAD!!!

Stuff happens for a while, honestly feels like filler until Edge begins his comeback, which is pretty sweet in all honesty. Baseball slide to Angle’s legs to knock him off the apron is amazing with Angle smashing his fucking FACE on the apron on the way down is fucking .

MONSTROUS German Suplex. No wonder Edge needed neck surgery after his 2002 if he keeps up taking insane bumps like that lol.

BRIAN HEBNER takes a killer bump off a SPEAR. With the referee down, Kurt bring out a chair and ends up getting a Spear instead!

Bunch of finishers now for some NEAR FALLS~! In the end Edge catches Angle with a roll up after escaping the Ankle Lock. ANGLE IS GOING BALD.

Match is fine, kinda reminds me of their Backlash match, just with some better SPOTZ~! lol. Lots of fun to be had but nothing overly special.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Booker T in bed with his wife. LIGHTS GO OUT. Weird noises. GOLDUST~! This was all a plan to get Booker T to leave the NWO .

 

Triple H Vs Chris Jericho – Hell in a Cell Match

Apparently BERRYING~! Jericho at WM wasn’t enough; HHH needed to do it inside the cell too!!! 

Might I just say right now, FUCK YOU. I’m not sure who you are but you know who you are and that’s what matters. I’m about 30 seconds in and all I can hear is HHH making retarded noises every time he punches or gets punched. AARRGHH!!! 

Might I also just say right now, that HHH is still a terrible fucking brawler. Those punches make me cringe. Combine the awful execution with THOSE NOISES he makes and I wanna stab him.

They fight on the outside. Throw each other around into the cell. And then for some reason Jericho brings out a ladder. Uuuuhhhh… why? To use as a weapon? Ok… but why a ladder? It’s big and bulky and wastes time and energy to use it. Why not a steel chair? Simple and probably MORE effective. Using a ladder in a LADDER MATCH is fine because after you deck your opponent with it, you can try and CLIMB it. Inside the cell though? It’s fucking DUMB. Edge made good use of it in 2008, but he had like, legitimate reasons for it. THIS AIN’T A TRIPLE CAGE JERICHO. NO NEED TO CLIMB ON TOP OF THE CELL THROUGH A HOLE IN THE TOP.

Fuck me, the ladder ends up on the outside and Jericho actually goes out to bring it back in. Only to get hit with a STEEL CHAIR that HHH wisely brought in, because fuck fucking about with a ladder when you can swing a chair a bazillion times easier.

Oh just fuck off Jericho. What does he go ahead and do next? GETS THE FUCKING RING STEPS INSIDE THE RING. He is struggling to pick them up. LAWLER on commentary even wonders what the fuck he’s doing. HHH JUST BROUGHT A CHAIR INTO THE MATCH. HE USED IT ON YOU EFFECTIVELY. USE IT ON HIM YOU DUMB FUCKING CUNT.

 at Tim White telling them to “KEEP IT IN THE DAMN RING!”. It’s a HIAC match Timmy. They are gonna do whatever they want. Dumb or otherwise, it seems. Besides, you better shut your mouth Tim. Careers can end in HIAC ya kn… aaand there goes Tim White. GOAT HIAC bump. Flies off the apron, SMASHES into the side of the cage and he is DONE. Literally. Off to attempt suicide every week on TV!!!

SLEDGEHAMMER TO THE FACE~! Lol, HHH is a moron. Using a sledgehammer. Should have set up the ladder, struggled to the top carrying the ring steps and dropped them onto Jericho or something!!! This match isn’t about BERRYING Jericho, its about making him look like the dumbest motherfucker on the planet apparently! 

Now we are outside the cell (they had to go get Tim), and Jericho gets DDT’d through a table, then runs away from HHH who has a 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire. Sorry, he doesn’t run away, because that might be SMART, and this match is all about making Jericho look DUMB. He climbs to the top of the cell, where obviously HHH can’t get at him…

WALLS OF JERICHO ON TOP OF THE CELL.  and the new referee climbs on top of the cell to check on HHH. Because you can WIN on top of the cell now apparently. A rule that has NEVER BEEN MENTIONED BEFORE, in fact I seem to recall them SPECIFICALLY mentioning in a previous HIAC match to this that you CANNOT WIN ON TOP OF THE CELL. More bullshit thrown at us in this match.

PEDIGREE attempt, and HHH gets back body dropped, but the cell doesn’t break . This match might have been saved by an insane HHH Cell Bump. Nah, fuck that shit. PEDIGREE TO JERICHO ON TOP OF THE CELL and this is done. Thankfully.

Urgh. Pile of uber shite. Retarded use of retarded weapons by a seemingly retarded wrestler. Retarded rules made up seemingly on the spot for a retarded match. RETARDED AS FUCK. Didn’t like this at all. Can’t think of anything good to say about it.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

 at Angle running and hiding from Edge to avoid getting his hair cut.

 

Billy & Chuck Vs Rikishi & Rico – WWF Tag Team Championship Match

Sorry, NO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Hulk Hogan Vs The Undertaker – WWE Undisputed Championship Match

 Undertaker I believe debuts his new theme song here. Basically “You’re Gonna Pay” instrumental version. It’s awesome .

Undertaker is wearing a belt of his own coming into this match; a bright yellow Hogan weight lifting belt! And he starts whipping the Hulkster the moment he steps into the ring!!! Hogan takes a bunch of shots, makes a comeback and starts giving it right back to ‘Taker!

The referee takes the belt away from Hogan and officially rings the bell.

“HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE THAT OMG!!!”  I don’t know who that is but that fan is amazing . That was his reaction to Undertaker taking his big bump over the ring steps btw.

HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE THAT OMG? That was MY reaction to Hogan hitting a SUPERPLEX. In 2002. A HOGAN SUPERPLEX. Damn lol!!!

‘Taker goes for the legs of Hogan and things slow down and not in a good way, but thankfully it doesn’t last too long before Hogan makes a comeback. LEGDROP~! COUNTERED INTO A HALF BOSTON CRAB~!

 at Hogan struggling to even take a chokeslam. Oh he can do a superplex, but take a chokeslam from Undertaker? LOLNO.

HULK UP~! Undertaker looks at Hogan like “fucks sake, didn’t this all die like 11 years ago?” 

LEG DROP~! UNDERTAKER KICKS OUT OF THE LEG DROP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vince McMahon shows up, just as Undertaker grabs a chair, but Hogan kicks it back in his face just like Undertaker did to Austin a month ago! Leg Drop! McMahon gets involved and gets a Leg Drop!

CHAIR TO HOGAN~! CHOKESLAM~! NEW WWE CHAMPION!!! UNDERTAKER WINS!!!! 

I still remember marking out like FUCK when I watched this live . Seeing Undertaker win his first major title since 1999 was . Undertaker posing while he gets the referee to put the title belt on him is .

Match is decent, nothing more. I get more enjoyment out of it than most no doubt .

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 7.5

WrestleMania XXX

 

So the show opens with Hulk Hogan, and I guess it’s kinda cool to see him on the show given the fact he was there for the 1st ever one and whatnot. Then Austin comes out, followed by Rock, and they all slurp each other and waste 20 minutes of our time . Didn’t really do anything for me, but for someone who is a fan of these guys they probably liked it.

 

Daniel Bryan Vs Triple H – Winner Gets Added to the WWE WHC Triple Threat Main Event Match

Holy fuck, the video package for this match is immense. Song, while not something I’d listen to usually, is absolutely PERFECT for the whole thing. Build up for this match has been both unique and great overall. Unique in the sense that this WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN, but a series of events FORCED WWE to push Bryan. The fans were a huge part of it, turning him into THE most popular star in the company for the last year or so at least. And then Punk left too. He was originally set to face HHH at WM (which honestly seemed weird as shit to me lol), so him leaving left the spot open for Bryan to take advantage of what imo SHOULD have been his spot to begin with anyway.

Holy fuck, STEPHANIE MCMAHON looks tremendous. THAT OUTFIT too. FAPTACULAR.

HHH gets another big “epic” WM entrance playing up on the whole King of Kings gimmick. It’s both cool and hilarious to me. Found it a little odd he didn’t go with the King of Kings entrance theme though.

DANIEL BRYAN . YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! The crowd are on fucking fire for the guy.

Damn, we had to wait 35 minutes before the first match finally starts at WrestleMania lol.

Love HHH wanting to start this off with a handshake. Works 2 ways for me; the first is that the last time this happened, HHH handcuffed Bryan and beat the fuck out of him. The other, seems more of a throwback to Bryan being “an Indy star” with ROH and how they had the code of honour. But this ain’t ROH. There is NO honour in this ring. So Bryan kicks the hand away and rolls up The Game to try and get a quick win!

Unfortunately for Bryan, all the attacks over the last few weeks have left him hurt, specifically the left arm and shoulder. As great as Bryan is in the ring, even a guy like HHH can counter the superior wrestling skills with just ONE shot to the injured arm.

HHH is the SESEBRAL SUSSASSIN~! Nice to see JBL bringing his A game to WM. I guess he’s just a B+ commentator .

Bryan showing the world and HHH that he’ll do ANYTHING to gain the advantage in this one and win. DIVE OVER THE TURNBUCKLE TO THE FLOOR~!

LOTS OF SHOTS OF STEPHANIE IN THAT FUCKING OUTFIT . Love Stephanie being there, not just because FAP, but because she’s awesome at screaming at Bryan all the way through, telling him he’s nothing and he’ll never win and shit.

The match has been pretty even so far until THE GAME attempts a Pedigree on the table, only to be countered by Bryan, which is in turn countered by HHH who SMASHES that bad arm onto the table! FUCKING OUCH! Stephanie loved it!

Mmmmm… STEPHANIE in THAT OUTFIT shouting YES. WM XXX, ladies and gentlemen! 

AWESOME counter to Bryan’s suicide dive, followed up by that AWESOME slam on the apron targeting Bryan’s bad arm, with some great trash talking from STEPHANIE!

I miss Drew McIntyre being pushed as something other than a pretend band member . He would do awesome shit like that on a weekly basis.

Awesome unique version of a crossface chicken wing (Hi BOB  ). Followed by a CROSSFACE. Nice to see HHH changing things up and not sticking to basic arm locks and shit.

 HHH with Bryan in the Crossface, telling Bryan to “ask them to help ya!”, meaning the YES MOVEMENT fans. If HHH was like this for his entire career I’d think better of him. I actually think it’s worse when he only brings out this kind of awesome in a super rare occasion. It’s like Orton currently. WE KNOW he can be good… he just doesn’t seem to be motivated enough to BE GOOD all the time. Why? Fuck knows.

Fans are awesome in this, really getting behind Bryan and not trying to be all “smarky” and cheering for HHH because he’s putting in his best performance in like, forever.

GERMAN SUPLEX~! ANOTHER GERMAN SUPLEX~! I like how we get the shades of Benoit with that, but done differently enough so we don’t quite get the “BENOIT FEEL” from them. We get to see the awesome moveset of Benoit in this match with both men doing various moves, but never in a way that makes you think “OMG BENOIT”, which is something WWE would be against .

HOLY FUCK HHH JUST DID A TIGER SUPLEX. HHH. TIGER SUPLEX. WHAT?

Bryan is working on fighting back, starting with a big sunset flip powerbomb, then those running dropkicks in the corner, and then…

DEAD. Murdered at the hands of HHH and that fucking LARIAT. Awesome.

Somehow Bryan gets back into this thing again, attempts a headbutt, but HHH gets his knee up right into the injured shoulder! CROSSFACE! This could be it for the YES MOVEMENT!

Bryan fights and fights to get out of the hold any way he can, rolling HHH over but it only makes things worse. The fans get behind him though, and he finds a way to not only escape, but counter the hold into the YES LOCK .

Bryan has the fans to help him fight out of submissions, but HHH has STEPHANIE. I know if I had her on my side I’d do whatever I could to reach the ropes too! 

DOUBLE SUICIDE DIVE! Bryan has got his second wind! YES! YES! YES! YES! HERE COMES THE RUNNING KNEE…

SPINEBUSTER~! PEDIGREE~! IT’S OVER… NO! BRYAN KICKED OUT!!! YES! YES! YES! YES!

HHH going for another Pedigree, Bryan counters into a pin but HHH STILL has the arms locked! Bryan plays dead so HHH can’t lift him into position, causing the game to SMASH HIS KNEE INTO BRYAN’S HEAD.

Speaking of head shots, kick to HHH’s head! RUNNING KNEE! RUNNING KNEE! RUNNING KNEE!!! THE GAME IS DOWN, THE GAME IS OVER!!!

DANIEL BRYAN WINS! DANIEL BRYAN IS GOING TO THE MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLEMANIA!!! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

After the match, Stephanie slaps the shit out of Bryan before HHH attacks him from behind and mauls the bad arm! He wants to make sure Bryan can’t make the main event!

Awesome, awesome match. HHH looked better here than he has in YEARS. FUCKING YEARS. I’d still have both Undertaker WM matches ahead of this one, but for personal performances, this is the best from HHH in a long long long long long long long time. We’re talking about 6 years or so. His arm work was spot on, and he made Bryan looks incredible too. Really went above and beyond to bump like a champ for Bryan’s offence. Even took the running knee well for a change .

Bryan on the other hand was out of this world. The selling of the arm work, the comebacks, the bumping for HHH’s shit, getting the fans into the match. Best. In. The. World.

Stephanie looking FAPTACULAR certainly adds to the whole thing too .

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Kane & The New Age Outlaws Vs The Shield

Why oh why did The Shield go from facing guys like Cena, Orton, Sheamus, Mysterio, Big Show, UNDERTAKER and others all last year to… Kane and the Old Age Outlaws?

JAWBREAKER LARIAT~! I <3 Ambrose for all time for adding that to his arsenal.

Amazing how DEAD the fans are after the first match. They honestly never pick up again until the main event, only popping for a few big moments.

ROMAN REIGNS absolutely dominates the fuck out of everyone. Rollins flies around, and Ambrose just throws himself into people and beats the fuck out of them .

SPEAR TO KANE~!

DOUBLE SPEAR TO THE OUTLAWS~!

DOUBLE TRIPLE POWERBOMB~!

Match is DONE. Short, and a complete fucking SQUASH with The Shield taking out the old guard. For a match that looked awful on paper, it was booked to PERFECTION. We had the new guys dominating the old guys in quick fashion, showing the world that they are STILL the top dogs. I enjoyed it.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Bunch of legends playing with toys backstage. Uhhhh… ok. DANGEROUS DANNY DAVIS . The original screwy referee .

 

30 Man Over The Top Rope Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Was disappointed we didn’t get any surprises in this match. No random legend, no random one night return or anything like that. Oh well. Match is filled with a ton of jobbers + like, 10 people who would stand a chance of winning. AND BRAD MADDOX~!

Match is a big clusterfuck until they get rid of all the jobbers and the ones left can work some fun exchanges and eliminations. Justin Gabriel takes on hell of a bump for his elimination though .

 at Miz getting eliminated by Santino and the cobra. You know you suck when Santino beats you in any way.

Fandango is over again for just the one week, so good for him I guess lol. He eliminates BIG E, which is pretty impressive given how they’ve been pushing him. Then Sheamus eliminates him in an awesome way .

What happened to Rey? He’s turned into a fucking pussy. Getting on his knees begging Big Show not to hurt him. Didn’t he do that last week and attacked him from behind? Yet Big Show lets him go AGAIN here? Big Dumb Bastard…

 at how Cesaro eliminates Mysterio . Guy rules.

Kingston does a RR type spot here, being launched over the ropes by Cesaro but keeping his feet on the steel steps, allowing him to enter the ring again! Kinda awesome tbh, and a spot I’ve always wondered why they hadn’t done before.

GIANT SWING~!

Loved the superkick to Ziggler while he was hanging upside down .

Cesaro and Show the final 2 men . Was begging for Cesaro to win this thing, but honestly thought they’d give the win to Show. Then…

 CESARO WINS!!! 

Fun match once the bulk of the jobbers were gone.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

John Cena Vs Bray Wyatt

Yet another AWESOME video package from WWE. How do they not win fucking awards for this? Oh yeah, it’s wrestling, god forbid anyone praises them outside of the business. Again the song, while not something I’d normally ever listen to, is so damn PERFECT for the video and the basis of the match.

Anyone else find it weird that they quite often have bands play entrance themes live for HEELS at WM? Not complaining too much because it has usually meant things like MOTORHEAD showing up or LIVING COLOR last year, and that’s always good. Plus here it was awesome too. I find myself randomly humming Bray’s theme around the house, so listening to the damn thing live make it stick in my head even more .

Match starts off wonderfully, with Bray trying to sacrifice himself to Cena, to show the world that Cena ISN’T who or what he says he is. But Cena isn’t going to compromise himself. He doesn’t wait to take the cheap way out, he wants to EARN a victory.

The story for this match feels very similar to the Kane/Cena feud from a couple of years back lol, where Kane wanted to bring out the evil in Cena. Here though, it feels… well it IS better done. Just because of Bray’s character and all the promos leading up to this match. He doesn’t just want to make Cena into a monster, he wants to do it in order to show the world that HE IS RIGHT. That Cena ISN’T the guy he claims to be. And when that happens, regardless of the outcome of this match, BRAY WINS.

Cena gets frustrated with Bray and all the mind games and trash talk, and he finally snaps a little, taking the fight to Bray who is just LAUGHING while taking this beating. Cena is fighting a battle against himself here, as he struggles to stay who he is while also trying to destroy Bray. While I get what they are going for, and I AM liking what they are doing, I think it is definitely one of those times when the fan reactions towards Cena go against the story of the match. The fans WANT Cena to snap and be violent. They LIKE Bray. They BELIEVE in what Bray is saying about Cena. Crazy how the fans both play into the match on Bray’s behalf but at the time time kinda ruin what they are trying to do with Cena .

Things slow down a bit with Bray using a headlock, which I really didn’t understand lol. Seems out of place for Bray to use that hold, and it’s not like it fit into the story of the match anywhere.

Then THIS happens and makes up for it:

“HE’S GOT THE WHOLE WORLD, IN HIS HANDS” Oh man, the fans singing that mid-match was AWESOME. Ties into the whole “Bray is a cult leader” deal with the fans getting behind him, and being up against Cena helps too because a lot of the fans DO believe that Cena isn’t exactly what he claims to be lol.

TOP ROPE LEG DROP COUNTERED INTO A POWERBOMB~! 

Ouch, that… weird move that Bray did looked like it HURT for real. Was an awkward spinning slam where Cena went ribs first into Bray’s knee, but almost like it wasn’t meant to happen like that lol.

APRON DDT~!

Bray is really taking the fight to Cena, capitalising on the fact that Cena seems to be freaked out by the whole situation and being more cautious.

DIVE ONTO HARPER AND ROWAN~! Almost like Cena was getting PARANOID and decided to take out Wyatt’s goons before they could really get involved. Further proof that Bray is in CENA’S HEAD and making him question everything.

Cena continues to battle with himself, as he picks up the steel steps and has a chance to DESTROY the false prophet. Unfortunately, as he battles with himself, he takes his eye of Bray and gets CREAMED.

 Bray singing “he’s got the whole world, in his hands” while holding Cena’s head in his lap might be my favourite part of this match. A wonderful example of Bray adding oodles of character work into his matches.

ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT~! KICK OUT!!!

Interference from Harper and Rowan, almost costing Cena the match. And honestly, they were justified in doing it! HE ATTACKED THEM FIRST!!!

SPEAR TO HARPER THROUGH THE BARRICADE~! Cena letting out his frustrations on Harper knowing he won’t lose the match for it, nor technically prove that Wyatt is right as he isn’t letting the monster out on HIM.

SISTER ABIGAIL~! Dammit, Cena kicked out.

 as Bray goes nuts on the outside and looks to use the Spanish announce table… the Spanish announce team scream at him and point to the new French announce table as if to say “break their table, not ours!!!” .

Cena won’t give up in the match. He just kicked out of Sister Abigail, so now Bray has to step up his game. He brings in a steel chair… and THROWS IT TO CENA. He’s trying to once again sacrifice himself in order to bring out the monster in Cena.

 at the ref telling Cena not to do it because it’s not him. Cena seems to agree, and uses the chair on Rowan instead! AA to Wyatt, and Cena leaves with his legacy intact.

Awesome match. Great storytelling throughout, well executed, and some great action as well.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

The Undertaker Vs Brock Lesnar

Oh boy. I guess I gotta watch this again. I was in a daze for the rest of the day after watching this on Monday lol. Maybe I can watch it through different eyes this time around. After all, the shock of what happened is over. Kinda.

Build up for this was mostly just terrible… but they DID produce some great videos with Heyman basically TELLING US the Streak would end. But we didn’t listen. We didn’t believe. And why should we? The build was just Undertaker beating up Lesnar a couple of times, with Lesnar hitting an F-5 on the go home Raw show. That was it. They put very little effort into the whole thing. This was BUILD UP as a giant throwaway Streak match, just something to add another number to his ever growing list of WM wins, before moving on to say, Cena the next year.

Despite the poor build, my love for both guys + their history of great matches had me excited to see what they’d do.

Undertaker going somewhat OLD SCHOOL for his entrance, wearing the hat and coat rather than the hooded cloak attire he’d mostly used over the last few years. The caskets for all his victims was a great set too. Undertaker setting Lesnar’s on fire, basically destroying it, was also kind of a hint that the casket WOULDN’T BE NEEDED (nor could it be used because, you know, BLOWN UP). That’s if you wanna look at every little detail and try and get something out of it . WHICH I DO .

Bell rings and BAM, BAM BAM, huge rights and lefts from Undertaker to the BEAST Brock Lesnar. BELLY TO BELLY OVERHEAD by Lesnar! That just seemed to make the DEAD MAN mad.

Undertaker goes after the arm of Lesnar early on, something he’s known for, as it allows him to wear down his opponent and let him have the advantage early on.

Man, some fucking AWESOME shots to the face by Undertaker.

SNAKE EYES~! But instead of going for the running boot, Undertaker tries for a Chokeslam! Almost like he knows he should try and end this one early. But Lesnar counters into an F-5 attempt! Neither man can get that big move in so early, so they have to go back to wearing each other down. And then it happens. If I’m not mistaken, I believe THIS was where Undertaker got the concussion .

After that move, Undertaker just wasn’t in the match like he was before, so I’d definitely go ahead and say that was the move that caused it. Such a shame. Really would have liked to see where the match would have gone had it not happened.

And yet, as unfortunate as it was, you could say it ADDED to the match. From this point on Undertaker is fighting just to try and stay in this match, showing that maybe he IS getting too old to hold on to the STREAK, especially against an opponent like BROCK LESNAR.

Despite the concussion, Undertaker, with help from Lesnar, has enough about him to still get shit done. Lesnar beats him up and beats him down, but Undertaker keeps showing signs of life, keeps coming back, and does little things like get his hands up to block shots. All things you’d expect from the Dead Man, only this time they weren’t as effective. He was showing signs that this could be the end of the Streak. That this could be too much for even Undertaker to handle. He’s TRYING to fight with all he’s got, but it just isn’t enough.

CHOKESLAM~! Undertaker manages to hit it, but he takes a little time to make a cover, and Lesnar ain’t staying down.

F-5!!! Undertaker JUST kicks out. He’s STILL The Undertaker, and still capable of hanging on to his Streak, but how much MORE of this can he take?

Undertaker is SO out of it, you can see Lesnar walking around while Undertaker is still down from the F-5, and has to TELL Undertaker to lock in Hells Gate. Undertaker can’t even lock it in properly .

But AGAIN, the actual action, not Lesnar having to call spots for Undertaker, works into the story of this whole match and feud. Undertaker is showing signs of being DONE, while still trying to hang on to the one thing he has left; his STREAK. But no matter what he does, be it Chokeslam or Hells Gate, Lesnar is UNSTOPPABLE. It’s like the roles are reversing before our very eyes. Now it’s UNDERTAKER being unable to put away the opponent. It’s a changing of the guard.

KIMURA LOCK~! UNDERTAKER COUNTERS INTO ONE OF HIS OWN~!

 at the referee telling MARK to let go of the hold when Lesnar makes it to the ropes .

OLD SCHOOL COUNTERED INTO THE F-5   . Totally called the spot when I saw this match the first time, but it doesn’t make it any less awesome lol.

KICK OUT!!! UNDERTAKER IS STILL BREATHING! HE’S STILL FIGHTING!!!

Oh man, Heyman is incredible on the outside. “THIS IS YOUR DESTINY. HE’S TAKING THIS AWAY FROM YOU. YOU’RE BROCK LESNAR. YOU’RE A CONQUERER!”

LAST RIDE OUT OF THE CORNER~!

TOMBSTONE~! THE STREAK CONTINUES! NO!!! LESNAR KICKS OUT! LESNAR KICKS OUT!

UNDERTAKER SITS UP . He’s slowly getting back into this… but Lesnar counters another Tombstone attempt into a THIRD F-5!! Just like their Hell in a Cell match from 2002!

1…

2…

3?

LESNAR WINS! THE STREAK IS OVER! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, THE STREAK IS OVER! 21-1!!! BROCK LESNAR HAS CONQUORED THE STREAK!!!

Wow. I mean just WOW. I’ve seen this already so I knew it was coming but… I think I’m back in shock lol. The Streak is OVER. Undertaker has been defeated at WrestleMania. WrestleMania 28 was billed as the “End of an Era”, and I’ve said my piece on that and how I DID feel like it was an end of an era, but THIS is on a whole other level. This might be the biggest shock and biggest moment in general I have EVER seen in wrestling. It’s crazy to think how a loss in a fake sport can affect me so much, but it does. Undertaker is THE single reason I fell in love with this business and why I have continued to watch all these years even when things got bad. His STREAK was something I’ve always loved, something I got behind every year despite who his opponent was. Even with the crappy build to this match, I was EXCITED for this match. Hell, it was the ONLY match on the show I was truly excited for. And for it to end, knowing I’ll never likely look at a WM match the same, even IF Undertaker was to wrestle a few more times, is just such a HUGE moment for me. I don’t know if this is his last match, a large part of me hopes it isn’t, but if it is… THANK YOU ‘TAKER. My all time favourite. One of the best EVER. A true legend who will go down in history as one of the biggest stars this business will ever see.

As far as the actual match goes, I enjoyed this a whole lot more the second time around. Yeah, probably WOULD have been even better without the concussion, but I don’t think the concussion TOOK ANYTHING AWAY from it. The story of the match/the feud going into it was that Undertaker was old and Lesnar was the one man to really take advantage of that, even at WrestleMania. Lesnar DESTROYED Undertaker, and despite trying to hang on, Undertaker just couldn’t get it done any more, and the Streak ended. A great story and a great match, one I appreciated a ton more this time around.

Maybe I’m overrating this because of my love for the Dead Man, but you know what? FUCK YOU. I don’t care.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Vickie Guerrero Diva Championship Invitational Match

Hmmm… was gonna NO this one, but since it’s only 6 minutes long I wanna watch just to see AJ retain the belt which no doubt caused people to go crazy .

AJ and Tamina go back to back while surrounded by the rest of the divas, and get mauled. Swear to Jebus I couldn’t name all the women in this match. Not like most of the matter anyway lol… especially with what happens on Raw the next night .

Lol, looked like we were gonna get a really badly put together TRIPLE Sharpshooter spot but someone rolled up Nattie from behind first. Thankfully.

 at Summer. “YOU!!!” as she points and screams at AJ, only to be taken out. At least, I think it was Summer.

 at half the women just literally SAT WATCHING THE MATCH because they can’t think of anything to do while someone else is being highlighted.

MOVES~! Everyone takes a turn at hitting someone with… a move. Don’t even think most of them were finishers or anything. Then again this IS a diva match so anything could be a finisher for them.

OMG THE BELLAS ARE ALONE IN THE RING WILL THEY FIGHT EACH OTHER? DO I CARE? THE ANSWER TO BOTH IS NO.

OMG THE BELLAS ARE ALONE IN THE RING AGAIN WILL THEY FIGHT EACH OTHER? THE ANSWER IS YES, BUT I STILL DON’T CARE.

Nice tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from… one of the divas.

 at Niomi “pushing” Tamina off the ropes. SHE BOTCHED A PUSH.

AJ in the ring for like, the second time in the match (first time to start it lol). BLACK WIDOW. TAP OUT. AJ RETAINS .

Glad AJ retained, and while I’m not happy she lost it the next night, at least she lost it to Paige and not some random slut involved in this match. Am I the only AJ fan left btw? I mean, the only one who isn’t weirdly OBESSED with her. Just normally obsessed .

Match is trash. But I don’t regret watching it .

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

MEAN GENE~! He gets interrupted by THE FIRST WRESTLEMANIA MAIN EVENT!!! Paul Orndorff with that moustache is the most awesome thing I’ve seen ever. That and Piper shaking Mr T’s hand . ARRRGHHHH!!! 

 

Randy Orton Vs Batista Vs Daniel Bryan – WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match

Main event time!!! Wow, only SEVEN matches on the main WM card? That’s awesome tbh. Meant all the matches got the time they needed. Some long, and some short (let’s face it, the 6 man tag and divas matches NEEDED to be short). Plus, no pointless giant music shows in the middle of the show, just some entrances sung live. Shame we still had that 20 minute slurp fest at the start of the show .

Bryan is injured going into this match, so he strikes first!!! Running dropkick to Orton, then as Batista tries for a powerbomb, he hurricanranas the Animal out of the ring. Aaaand then gets his arm SLAMMED to the mat and we are left with Batista Vs Orton .

Crowd are SILENT for Batista and Orton going at it . Could you seriously imagine if the main event STAYED as a singles match between these two? 

YES! Bryan gets back into the ring. Because FUCK ME Batista/Orton was even duller than I thought it would be. Also good for the crowd because they don’t give a SHIT about anything not Bryan. And why should they tbh? Batista hasn’t done a damn thing worth cheering since he quit in 2010, and Orton, as Lawler pointed out on commentary, has been one big AFTER THOUGHT for this whole thing lol.

Bryan hits a diving headbutt! YES LOCK TO BATISTA!!! Nooo! Triple H shows up and drags the referee out of the ring. YEY STEPHANIE IS STILL IN THAT OUTFIT!!!

Batista takes advantage of the distraction with a Spinebuster and BATISTA BOMB. SCOTT ARMSTRONG IS BACK! BRYAN KICKS OUT THOUGH!!!

SUICIDE DIVE TO HHH, ARMSTRONG AND EVEN STEPHANIE MCMAHON!!! THE FANS ARE GOING NUTS!!!

But Bryan make a BIG mistake by hurting STEPHANIE. SLEDGEHAMMER TIME! Bryan takes it away and levels THE GAME right in the fucking FACE! Rollup to Batista as the normal ref gets back into the match, but bah, Orton breaks it up .

And now Orton and Batista decide to work together as a team in order to take out Bryan, because he’s NOT going to give up!!!

POWERBOMB INTO A NECKBREAKER THROUGH A FUCKING TABLE~! Bryan is destroyed, and fuck me, Orton lands BACK FIRST on a monitor. Oh, and yes, it was a NECKBREAKER, not an RKO. RKO is the other way around you plebs…

Awesome spot, and a DAMN good way to take Bryan out of the match so the other two can go at it. Obviously sucks for fans as we wanna see BRYAN rather than Orton and Batista go at it, but yeah, great spot for the match. Like I said in my notes while watching for the first time, better than just a suplex though the table like… well actually like they’ve done a few times in triple threat matches lol.

Hilarious that they stretcher BRYAN out while ignoring Orton, despite the fact he was probably on the worse end of it all . I guess Batista picking him up is the reason.

Fuck me, moments after landing BACK FIRST ON A MONITOR, Batista slams Orton back first onto the table and then into the barricade . Poor bastard.

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! DANIEL BRYAN GETS OFF THE STRETCHER AND PUTS HIMSELF BACK IN THE MATCH!

YES LOCK TO ORTON! YES LOCK TO ORTON!!!

Fucks sake Dave, piss off already.

YES LOCK TO BATISTA! YES LOCK TO BATISTA!!!

Fucks sake Randy, piss off already.

 at the “spear” by Batista to Bryan. He just kinda ran his head into Bryan’s shoulder.

RKO! Holy fuck the first time I saw this I actually thought Batista wasn’t kicking out. I mean, I wouldn’t put it past WWE to fuck up like that. THANKFULLY, Batista does kick out. Best thing he’s done since he quit in 2010 .

Orton runs at Batista for a Punt and… KNEE TO THE FUCKING FACE!!! 

Batista throws Bryan out and goes for a cover… and thankfully Orton kicks out. Best thing Orton has done since… I dunno, the Elimination Chamber probably.

KNEE TO BATISTA! YES LOCK! TAP OUT BATISTA, TAP OUT BATISTA!

BATISTA TAPS OUT!

DANIEL MOTHERFUCKING YES BRYAN HAS JUST WON THE WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP IN THE MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLEMANIA 30! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

A truly AWESOME fucking moment to end the show. WWE did the RIGHT THING. They did was what BEST FOR BUSINESS. And it was incredible. Bryan fucking deserves this moment and I’m glad he got it.

So the match… honestly, I don’t think it was all that good. It was downright AWFUL any time Bryan wasn’t involved. The match had its moments, and they all came from Bryan. Either him taking out THE AUTHORITY, taking that POWERBOMB INTO A NECKBREAKER THROUGH A TABLE, or RUNNING HIS KNEE INTO FACES, then applying the YES LOCK and fucking WINNING. Everything else just wasn’t good. And I’m not saying that JUST because I think Batista is a steaming pile of untalented turn and Orton is mostly an unmotivated cock, but because they genuinely did NOTHING unless Bryan was there with them.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 16

No Way Out 2002

 

Show kicks off with the debut of the NWO in WWE! The NWO at NWO. They claim they are friendly.

 

Scotty 2 Hotty & Albert Vs Christian & Lance Storm Vs The Hardy Boys Vs The Dudley Boys Vs Billy & Chuck Vs The APA – Tag Team Turmoil

We go from the NWO to THE WORM AND THE HIP HOP HIPPO. Apparently the winning team gets a tag title shot at WM. I seem to recall a 4 way tag match at WM though .

GIANT SWING~! But Cesaro isn’t in this match .

SPLAT. That’s the noise made when Storm took a bump over the ropes. Ouch.

How on earth did Scotty last as long as he did in WWE lol? I mean, he survived talent cuts when Vince bought WCW and brought in some of those guys, he was out injured for a year and actually managed to come back… and he even held the tag titles in 04 going into WRESTLEMANIA 20 and retained them too!

Ah well, he and Albert are gone first, and next out is the Hardy Boys. AND FAP FAP LITA FAP FAP!!!

Standard stuff and then Christian and Storm are gone. Yawn.

STACY FAP FAP KEIBLER! Oh and that tag team she manages.

These 2 teams have been feuding since 2000. And JR continues to confuse Matt and Jeff, just like 2000!

RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP COMBINED WITH A SIDE EFFECT .

STACY AND LITA FAP FAP FAP FAP.

LITACANRANA~!

Matt escapes D-Von’s finisher and rolls him up for the win. This part of the match was super fun. Both teams have amazing chemistry still and they get decent time given the kind of match.

Afterwards Matt gets attacked in the ring, and then Jeff gets a 3-D on the floor! Billy & Chuck are next in and they essentially have a handicap match against Matt!

SUPERKICK by Chuck is so devastating it knocks HIM down too! Fameasser and Matt is done.

APA . It all comes down to this!

If Billy & Chuck didn’t get stuck with the homo tag gimmick, they could have been a really good team. Well they WERE still a good team but didn’t have longevity with the gimmick nor were they taken too seriously. You have the veteran Billy, multi time tag champ and all that shit, then you have Chuck who is young with RAW POWER, a ton of potential, and takes direction well from Billy. A good combination allowing them to take on ANY team.

They do well controlling the APA, but in the end the APA are just too much with their power and insane love for FIGHTING. HOLY FUCKITY FUCK at the Clothesline from Hell to end the match! APA win! WM tag title shot!!!

Fun match. Doesn’t hold a candle to the great 01 TTT at JD, but this is still good.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

FLAIR~! UNDERTAKER~! TEASING WM MATCH~!

 

Goldust Vs Rob Van Dam

 GOLDUST.

So this is the match that made me a Goldust fan as far as RING WORK goes. I’d only seen bits of his AE run and the matches I did see weren’t very good (Vs HHH, mostly). It was only after he returned at the RR a month earlier and then had THIS kind of match with RVD that I became a fan. Just hope the match holds up now!!!

Goldust wastes NO TIME going after RVD, clotheslining him over the ropes the moment he steps into the ring! Well, takes him 2 attempts because RVD isn’t able to go over the first time apparently .

The KICKS of RVD put him back on the offensive after being thrown over the ropes, so Goldust has to use those MIND GAMES to get back on top. He rolls out of the ring, then starts to leave, while RVD doesn’t know what’s going on. PLUS is stops the momentum that RVD was starting to build.

 at Lawler talking about American Pie and how “One time, at Bandcap, I stuck a flute in my pussy” is his favourite movie line .

 at JR sounding disgusted by the question of whether or not he’s seen American Pie .

Goldust’s MIND GAMES didn’t work out as well as he’s have hoped… so Goldust takes a page out of Van Dam’s book and flies off the ropes to the floor with a BIONIC ELBOW!

ASS BUMP TO THE FACE. RVD takes a good ass in the face! 

Holy fook, Goldust bending RVD’s back over the ring post is BRUTAL .

Good back work from Goldy, though  at him groaning while applying a hold, with RVD shaking around. Looks like he’s humping him .

Comeback from RVD is stellar just because of how awesome Goldust takes all his offence and how he bumps from it all.

5 STAR FROG SPLASH~! MISS~! DDT FROM FUCKING HELL!!! RVD takes a good ass in the face and is great at falling head first into the mat too! 

CURTAIN CALL~! COUNTERED~!

Fun little finishing stretch between the two, then RVD wins with the Frog Splash with makes me sad.

But what doesn’t make me sad is that this match still rules . ALL HAIL GOLDUST!

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Test & Booker T Vs Tazz & Sipke Dudley – WWF Tag Team Titles Match

Nice fast start to this one, with Test trying to kill Tazz. I find it pretty  that Tazz is crawling to the ropes and the guy he gets to tag to save him is SPIKE DUDLEY. Might as well have a bloody handicap match .

Spike gets killed for a few minutes. Booker T sucks. Nothing new here lol.

Match ends a while later. Tazz and Spike win. This was crappy tbh. Tazz looked sloppy as fuck. Booker sucked. Test was the best guy in it. Spike took a decent beating but nothing special or worth mentioning from him.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Rock cuts a promo. GENERIC ROCK RAMBLINGS~!

 

Edge Vs William Regal – Brass Knucks on a Poll WWF Intercontinental Championship Match

. Their Vengeance match is amazing. Their RR match is amazing. I do remember this being the weakest of the 3… but still fucking great.

VICIOUS EDGE is nice to see again. I seem to recall a great deal if not all of his 02 after the Regal series as being more of ATHLETE EDGE with counters and reversals and finishing stretches rather than trying to fucking maul his opponent.

He’s pissed off because Regal caused some INTERNAL BLEEDING a few weeks back. So he’s taking the FIGHT to Regal to try and end this quickly, but Regal gets some shots in and then begins to work the mid section over which will further exasperate the injuries .

 Edge takes one hell of a bump off the top rope onto the barricade. DOUBLE UNDERHOOK POWERBOMB ON THE FLOOR . EDGE IS BLEEDING INTERNALLY .

REGAL STRETCH~! DOUBLE UNDERHOOK POWERBOMB~! Regal can’t get the win via submission or pinfall with those moves… so he finally decides to climb the poll, only to end up crotch first on the ropes!

Regal goes for a powerbomb ON THE APRON, and Edge gets a sort of hurricanrana counter when he holds onto the ropes and just rolls his legs forward and flips Regal over onto the floor! LOOKED NASTY.

ELBOWS TO THE STOMACH . ELBOWS TO THE FACE . REGAL GRABS THE KNUCKS!!! But Edge gives him a back superplex before he can use them!

Both men are down and the knucks are in the middle of the ring for anyone to grab! Regal kicks them outside away from Edge, then ends up getting SPEARED!!!

With Regal down, Edge goes outside for the knucks, but Regal decks him when he gets back in and gets the 3 count! Regal had a pair in his penis!!!

 Not as lengthy as I would have liked, but they gets lots of great stuff in, work the gimmick nicely and Regal attacking the injured Edge is . Good stuff no doubt, but still definitely the weaker of their PPV trilogy.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

KURT ANGLE IS GONNA BE HHH’S DADDY.

 

The Undertaker Vs The Rock

 UNDERTAKER .

2002 Heel Undertaker = .

Undertaker TOMBSTONING ROCK ONTO A CAR = .

Rock runs down to the ring to take it straight to the Dead Man, and does well for about 20 seconds until he runs face first into the boot of the GOAT.

 Undertaker driving his forearm into the back of Rock’s head and crushing it into the mat looks SICK. This is what happens when you DISRESPECT THE DEAD MAN.

Undertaker is working the HEAD of Rock, smart stuff since he Tombstoned him on the car just a few days ago I believe it was. Plus it means plenty of strikes to Rock’s head . CAVE HIS FUCKING SKULL IN .

Undertaker: “YOU WANNA GET UP?” *Kicks Rock in the head* “YOU WANNA GET UP?” .

Rock starts to get on a roll, and he begins to focus on UNDERTAKER’S head now as revenge. Undertaker selling shots to his head is .

 Undertaker crotches Rock on the barricade then just sits on the ring steps and looks on at him disgusted . UNDERTAKER IS AMAZING. Then he sets Rock up for a HUGE right hand, looks around at the “people” and then cracks him in the face and sends him over the barricade to the concrete floor.

 at the little spot with the doors. Fairly certain Undertaker was just fucking with the camera man .

Have I mentioned that UNDERTAKER FUCKING RULES? Because he does, ya know.

Well, it has happened. Someone made the BEARHUG rule. Guess who? UNDERTAKER YOU DUMB FUCKS.

Rock makes his comeback, and even hits a LOW BLOW right in front of the referee… who does fuck all.

JR: “UNDERTAKER JUST GOT HIT IN DEATH VALLEY” .

CHOKESLAM~! 2 count only . So Undertaker goes to “sit” on his bike, looking all suspicious. The ref comes out to see what he’s up to and ends up flying into the steel steps .

LED PIPE! Flair comes down to stop him and gets DECKED in the face! Rock recovers enough to counter and locks in the Sharpshooter type move he does!

VINCE MCMAHON~! He distracts the referee and The Rock, but then Flair cracks ‘Taker in the head with the pipe! Rock Bottom! Rock… wins? BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! 

Aside from this finish, this rocks!!! Undertaker is just fucking incredible ever second of the match. Rock holds his own too btw. And his Sharpshooter actually looks the best it’s ever looked as well!

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Triple H Vs Kurt Angle – Special Guest Referee Stephanie McMahon – WrestleMania Title Match on the Line

FAP FAP FAP FAP STEPHANIE FAP FAP FAP FAP. She looks AMAZING in some super short shorts and a referee top with her tits hanging out.

Match starts and Angle keeps trying to roll up HHH with Stephanie going down quick (hahahahahFAP) to make the count.

 the crowd are chanting “take your shirt off” to Stephanie. PERVERTS.

Shitty brawling. Shitty brawling. Kurt accidentally knocks Stephanie over the ropes and she died or something. HHH waves her off with his crotch in Angle’s face. LOL. Normal referee now. Boooo. Tim White isn’t nearly as FAPABLE as Stephanie.

Shitty brawling. SUPLEXES~! MORE SUPLEXES~! A COUPLE OF EXTRA SUPLEXES JUST FOR GOOD LUCK~!

YEY SLEEPER HOLD!!! Ah well, a rest spot at least cuts down on the shitty brawling and SUPLEXES for a minute or so .

STEPHANIE FAP FAP IS BACK . Aaaand gets knocked out again straight away. Booooo.

Ref bump. Ref bump. Ref bump. Ref bump. Shenanigans. Suplexes. Shitty brawling. Steel chair. Screwjob. Angle wins. And that is the entire match summed up. Also, shit.

HHH cums out of his mouth at the end of something.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Rock mocks the NWO. I hope they run into him with a big truck or something.

 

Chris Jericho Vs Steve Austin – WWF Undisputed Championship Match

First 5 minutes or so see Austin in control mostly. Plenty of punches and chops lol. Jericho keeps getting some shots in but Austin cuts him off all the time.

BRAWLING UP BY THE STAGE~! Austin seems to be treating this more like a 99/99 AE match lol. Which sucks.

Austin trying to superplex Jericho from every corner is . Wish more people would try that these days lol. Would probably work well for Daniel Bryan.

Poor Jericho. His entire title run was booked with him as the underdog champion. Which isn’t good for a heel . This reminds me a little of Undertaker/HHH from Insurrextion with Austin never giving Jericho THAT much heat, but at least he does give him SOME. HHH fucked Undertaker far too much in their match. So Undertaker beat him 2 years in a row at WM .

LOL Austin totally rules this match. Not in the awesome way, I mean that he dominates everything and survives EVERYTHING Jericho throws at him including the Walls, Lionsault and a BREAKDOWN ON THE BELT.

STUNNER~! Ref is out though (how many ref bumps in the last 3 matches lol?), so the NWO show up and maul Austin. Jericho picks up the win.

I used to like this . Now I don’t. Boooo.

Rating: *1/2
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 12.5

WrestleMania 29

Once in a lifetime… 2.

 

The Shield Vs Sheamus, The Big Show & Randy Orton

THE SHIELD AT WRESTLEMANIA. Hells yeah. Surprised that this opened the show over the WHC match, but what ya gonna do? WHC match not opening kinda lead me to believe that Ziggler was gonna cash in. He didn’t. Until RAW the next night! And Shield went after THE UNDERTAKER on Raw the next night too. But enough of Raw (which was great), this is WM. And it’s THE SHIELD. Babyfaces start off hot, gaining the early advantage mainly because they’ve been desperate to get their hands on The Shield for some time now. Show tags himself in as it doesn’t look like Orton or Sheamus trust him enough to tag him in, and oh man, Show and Ambrose have a super fun minute together in the ring. I can’t wait for Ambrose and Undertaker interactions. I mentioned this in my live notes already, but I love that they get finally get the advantage in this match by controlling BIG SHOW. Normally you wanna stay away from the giant and control someone… smaller, but Shield take ANY opportunity they get and are able to keep even The Big Show down with their incredible team work. Makes them look fucking great. Hot tag to Sheamus, and he dishes out some great punishment, before being part of a sick spot involving Rollins who does a suicide dive and ends up head first into the barricade. Does every major Shield match result in Rollins going head first into something lol? Show is great with his giant spear to prevent a triple powerbomb. Show is begging for Sheamus to tag him… but Orton the selfish bastard tags himself in… and ends up losing all the while Show just watches on feeling betrayed. Knockout punch to Orton and Sheamus for being so selfish. Weakest Shield PPV match so far… and yet it’s still fucking good. Shield are immense, and after seeing the Raw after WM I absolutely cannot wait for their next 6 man!

Rating: ***1/2.

CAL SCALE: 3

 

Mark Henry Vs Ryback

Really wish they got someone else for Henry to face at WM. Ryback sucks. Henry needs someone either smaller so he can really fucking destroy them, or someone equally as big who can actually work. Henry using Bear Hugs certainly don’t win any favours with me for this match. Fuck that hold. LMAO at Lawler saying the fans are booing this match because they expected Ryback to be winning. Couldn’t possibly be the boring as shit Bear Hug, could it? Match has some good parts to it. Noting that good, but it stops it from being completely horrible. Pretty much take out the Bear Hugs and this could have been a little better. Finish was weird and a little abrupt, but hey, HENRY gets the win so woo.

Rating: *1/2

CAL SCALE: 0.5

 

Team Hell No Vs Dolph Ziggler & Big E Langston – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Tag titles on the line here. Again, with the WHC match not opening, and this now happening before it, I was sure Dolph was cashing in. Instead he loses her and doesn’t cash in until the next night lol. The call back tease from Bryan’s match last year was fucking tremendous and yeah, I thought they might actually go ahead with it and have Ziggler lose that way. Then he could have cashed in later in the night and got his redemption lol. But it didn’t end there, which is good because then at least Bryan gets a real match at WM finally. Wish it was a singles match but ah well. Big E was a concern going into the match because based on his FCW stuff I’ve seen, he isn’t that good. But he doesn’t stay in long and sticks to basic power shit and he does absolutely fine in his role. ZIg Zag was a great near fall, surprised the match didn’t end there. Dolph was super fun in this, as for Bryan, but it seems Kane was in for the majority of the match, but at least Bryan got the pin. Fun stuff, match went pretty much how I expected it to.

Rating: **1/4

CAL SCALE: 1

 

Chris Jericho Vs Fandango

Fans not signing his entrance music automatically means this isn’t good. Just kidding. Wish WM had both a roof and the same crowd as Raw. Would have been more fun to watch. Jericho is the grizzled veteran here, while Fandango is the newcomer that hasn’t even had a match yet. I like how the match played on that perfectly. Jericho pretty much just dominated, with Fandango getting shots in here and there when he can. Surprised that Jericho kicked out of the legdrop… since it seemed like it was supposed to be Fandango’s finisher, and Jericho just killed it in his first match lol. Some awkward sports here and there (botches, possible miss-communications), and a strange finish, but overall a fun match. Fandango got the win like most people expected, and the way he did it, while looking dodgy, at least worked within the story of the match. Seems they will have a rematch at Extreme Rules, or maybe just on Raw, based on this week’s Raw.

Rating: **1/2

CAL SCALE: 1

 

Alberto Del Rio Vs Jack Swagger – World Heavyweight Championship Match

WHC time! Spoiler: No cash in. Makes me sad. But they made up for it the next night on Raw. I need to stop talking about Raw lol. LMFAO, it’s WRESTLEMANIA. WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH. And Swagger doesn’t even get an entrance! LOL. Dutch wearing his usual jacket thing but with a shirt and tie under it for WM is awesome. Unfortunately this match isn’t awesome. Thankfully it wasn’t bad either though. I went in expecting nothing because I really don’t care for either guy or their feud, so them pulling out a solid match is all I can ask for. Some nice sequences and bumps throughout the match, and I quite enjoyed the submission counters they did. Shame Del Rio absolutely no sold the effects of the Ankle Lock like a twat. Also didn’t like how they (the commentators, and even the fans, though the fans kinda blew most of the night anyway) no sold the Gutwrench Powerbomb. It’s Swagger’s pin finisher, and it just randomly happened half way into the match to zero reaction and got a normal 2 count like it was nothing. In the end Swagger taps to the Arm Breaker. Enjoyed this one more on a re-watch, but that isn’t saying too much. Certainly not a bad match, but between me not caring about either man and Del Rio’s shoddy selling along with a few other little things, it doesn’t really get into the “great match” territory. Which is a shame because it was looking quite good in parts.

Rating: **1/2

CAL SCALE: 1

 

The Undertaker Vs CM Punk

Main event time! The build up might have been fucked up with the death of Paul Bearer (wonder what they originally planned?), but I was still wanted to see the match because it’s CM Punk and the motherfucking UNDERTAKER at WrestleMania. Had some doubts as to how good it could be, I’ll admit, but I was still pretty hyped to see it. Living Colour signing Punk’s theme was the only good musical performance at WM since… the last time Motorhead played HHH to the ring. Piddly Diddly earlier in the show was dreadful. I legit had no idea who the fuck he was until afterwards too. All I knew is he was some fucker who started talking over one of the Rocky themes. Now I know him as Piddly Diddly, the fucker who talked over the Rocky theme. Punk is awesome. Just needed to get that out there. We all know it though. But he’s awesome from just the little things he does based around his character as he makes his entrance. And then we have Undertaker who is on a whole other level of awesomeness far above even Punk. His entrance was awesome as fuck. All the creepy hands rising out of the floor trying to escape hell where Undertaker has sent their souls or something. I think that’s what they were going for? Was an awesome visual anyway. The hands, the mist, the lighting, Undertaker’s theme, Undertaker in general. The entrances for this are better than the show so far, and I’ve enjoyed the show so far! I honestly don’t see how WM is ever going to be the same once he retires. NOBODY, and I do mean NOBODY, not Brock, not Rock, not Cena, not HHH, not even someone like Hogan potentially coming back, could ever match the kind of presence Undertaker has at this event and the effect he has on the overall show. Hell wrestling in general simply won’t be the same knowing he won’t ever have another match once he retires. I know personally as a fan I probably won’t care as much once he leaves. Some of the build to this match has been Punk talking about how he can end the Streak without beating Undertaker; he can end it by having Undertaker essentially beat himself by getting DQ’d. They don’t play up on that too much in the match, really just at the start, but honestly I don’t mind at all. Punk slaps the shit out of Undertaker to start with, trying to get him angry, but Undertaker is clearly able to beat the fuck out of Punk AND stop before he crosses the line and gets DQ’d, so it makes sense that Punk would give up on that idea and stick to wrestling, because he’s the BEST IN THE WORLD and truly has confidence in himself even at WM against the Dead Man. Crowd are awesome for the first and only time at this event. And it really is cool to hear someone get a mixed reaction against Undertaker at WM. That’s how popular Punk still is. Undertaker brings his A game, despite the fact everyone always expects him to show up looking like some old man who can barely move lol. As long as he can take some bumps and throw his awesome punches, I doubt he is capable of a bad match. And as good as Undertaker is in this match, Punk is actually the better man, but both are tremendous anyway. Punk is able to counter Old School, then hits his own because he can. They tease the Dead Man Dive, and hell I actually thought he was gonna go through with it, but Heyman gets up on the apron and Undertaker ends up charging at him full force and grabs him by the throat until Punk makes the save. Great way to get around the fact Undertaker really shouldn’t be doing that move, though I don’t doubt for a second that he could if he really wanted. Punk picks up a lot of momentum, then signals for a GTS after messing about with the Urn, and Undertaker manages to come back with a massive Chokeslam! Didn’t have the kind of near fall effect that it would have done 5 years ago, but it doesn’t stop me from still enjoying the match or anything. Yeah we know Punk isn’t winning, but it doesn’t make the match less entertaining imo. Big table spot, with Punk hitting the Savage elbow from the ropes, and the table doesn’t break, which always makes the move look even more BRUTAL in the best way possible in all honesty. Looks fucking SICK in slow motion on the replay. Totally saw the Hells Gate attempt coming lol. Undertaker rising up while in the Anaconda Vice was a fucking great moment. Reminds me of Undertaker sitting up while in the Figure Four at WM 18. Punk counters a chokeslam, hits a GTS and Undertaker falls into the ropes and springs back with a quick Tombstone OUT OF NOWHERE! Incredible moment, made even better when Punk kicks out! Didn’t expect that. Not sure what people feel about Undertaker essentially no selling the GTS, but it was almost like it woke up the Dead Man, who had to hit a big move as quick as possible out of sheer desperation because Punk might very well be as good as he says he is. Last Ride countered ala WM 17 but with the URN instead of a Sledgehammer was great. Didn’t for one second believe it was over, but it was still a tremendous spot and near fall. Punk gets cocky once again and does Undertaker’s signature pose before setting up the GTS one more time. Great counter sequence, and Undertaker hits another Tombstone! 1…2…3! 21-0! Incredible match. Doesn’t match the last 4, but that’s just how great they were. Punk was tremendous, Undertaker proved once again that he can still GO better than almost anyone, and the end result is a tremendous addition to the STREAK. MOTY so far, and definitely MOTN. 7 years in a row Undertaker has had the best match at WM. 6 of them were my MOTY overall too.

Rating: ****1/4

CAL SCALE: 6

 

Triple H Vs Brock Lesnar – No Holds Barred Match, if HHH loses he has to retire

Which is meaningless because he’s probably had less than 10 matches in the last 3 years lol. HBK at ringside because… *shrugs*. Lesnar looks hilarious in a beanie hat. HHH looks hilarious with white stuff all over his stomach. Lesnar looks baffled by it lol. Triple H starts the match by going after the stomach of Lesnar, smart given the real life problems Lesnar has had, and given that that is how HHH turned the tide in their SS match in 2012 (though in the end it didn’t matter). Then he just stops and throws punches to the head instead. And speaking of head… Lesnar lands on his after taking a clothesline off the barricade. Ouch. Crowd don’t give a FUCK from the get go. Nothing to get excited about anyway. Some good stuff here and there, but it’s all spread out too much so when something happens and you start getting into the match… they just stop, slow shit down, and do fuck all again for a few minutes. Really kills the flow of the match. SS wasn’t exactly a fast paced affair, but it had a great atmosphere to it and a real big fight feel and they did a lot more too. This is just dull. HBK running like a bitch from Lesnar is one of the few highlights. Poor Lesnar needs to stay away from steel steps. He fumbles about with them here and it makes him look dumb, plus he keeps losing matches because of them lol. Lesnar keeps locking in the Kimura, but HHH keeps fighting out before Lesnar can break it. Then HHH attacks the arm of Lesnar and locks in the Kimura lock himself! Lesnar holds on like a motherfucker, refusing to tap out despite teasing it numerous times. Makes the hold look kinda shitty I know, but this IS still pro wrestling and not MMA. HBK superkicking Heyman is awesome. And HBK finally serves his purpose of being at ringside LOL. Lesnar manages to pick HHH up off the ground while in the hold, making him look like a fucking BEAST, and smashes the game onto the steel steps. I’ve seen people complain about him constantly getting put in the hold again and again after breaking free, but the way I look at it is that he manages to escape but is too hurt to follow up, allowing HHH to lock it in before he has chance to recover. Lesnar goes to the well too often, and instead of smashing HHH onto the steps for a third time, HHH counters with a DDT! This is followed up with a sledgehammer shot, and then a Pedigree on the steps and Lesnar is defeated. Lesnar looked strong as fuck in defeat so I’m not THAT bothered, though I would have liked to have seen Lesnar win lol. Match overall isn’t that good, really slow and boring outside of the finishing stretch and a couple of moments here and there. SummerSlam match blows it away imo.

Rating: **3/4

CAL SCALE: 1

 

The Rock Vs John Cena – WWE Championship Match

wice in a fucking lifetime bullshit for the WWE Title. Zero fucks given by me. Only good thing about this is that they don’t have grand entrances and god awful musical performances like last year. God was that terrible. 10 minutes go by… and… wow, fuck all happens, yet they both sell the match like they’ve had a WAR up to this point. Cena keeps calling spots loud as fuck too lol. Our friendly neighbourhood botchamania guy made sure to put them all in his latest video for anyone interested lol. So yeah, fuck all happens and them BAM. Finishers galore. They just kept hitting them. Again and again and again and again and again. About as “Indy” as a WWE match could be. Pointless nothingness before hitting each other with as many big moves as possible before eventually ending the match lol. ONLY moments that I enjoyed were Rock mocking Cena’s mistake from the previous year, and Cena taking the piss by teasing making the same mistake this year, only to stop and look at Rock like he’s a fucking moron… only to have it backfire on him and get Rock Bottomed. They burn through a ton of finishers before Cena finally wins and that’s that. LOL at them saluting each other at the top of the ramp. Terrible match, managing to be worse than last year.

Rating: *

CAL SCALE: 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE: 13.5

Insurrextion 2002

I remember nothing of this event. Except the Main Event. Which I wish I could forget.

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs Rob Van Dam – WWF Intercontinental Championship Match

Their BL match was great. Their ladder match on Raw later on is great. Not sure about their JD match, I’ll get to that soon. But this? No idea. Hope it rocks though!

 they do a spot where RVD tries for a leg sweep, but he COMPLETELY MISSES… and Eddie has some crazy delayed reaction and still “jumps” to avoid it… after RVD did it . Legit burst out laughing at that one. 

Eddie works the neck of RVD in this one, as it was a NECK BREAKER on the IC title belt at Backlash that led to Eddie winning the belt. So smart for him to focus on it this time around. Plenty of brutal elbows to the back of the neck, and a sleep hold too that makes sense to use rather than to rest. RVD gets his foot on the ropes and the ref does a 5 count and Eddie is a complete cunt and only just let go before the bell was gonna get rung lol. Yeah, he could have retained his belt there, but Eddie wants to retain by BEATING RVD to prove he’s better and he has the better FROG SPLASH too.

Just as Eddie is really working over the neck, RVD starts a comeback with those big kicks, so Eddie dropkicks the knee, see’s RVD is hurting and goes right for it! Normally when someone switches up their focus in a match it sucks, but when there is a good reason, like here, I love it . Shows that Eddie will capitalise on ANYTHING if he finds an opening.

Aaaand RVD just killed the ENTIRE match by completely 100% no selling EVERYTHING to make a comeback. Not even so much as a shake of the leg. NOTHING. Eddie is fucked off and gets himself DQ’d. Don’t blame him .

Ok, so th DQ was most likely because he realised that after everything he’d done to RVD, the guy still came back and was THIS close to taking the title.

 at Eddie chasing the referee after he DQ’s him.

Match isn’t that good. RVD’s lack of everything ruins it. Eddie was great though.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Trish Stratus & Jacqueline Vs Molly Holly & Jazz

NO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Bradshaw Vs X-Pac

Guessing this is payback for the Backlash match when X-Pac helped Hall beat Bradshaw.

X-Pac should have totally worn the Kane match in his matches. Looked awesome on him lol.

 DAMN at that first right hand Bradshaw connects with on X-Pac’s face.

DAMN at X-Pac dishing out one hell of a beating to Bradshaw! Kicks to the leg to take him down, then he SMASHES his face repeatedly into an exposed turnbuckle and busts the big Texan open!

 at Bradshaw’s comeback. PUNCHES THE FUCK OUT OF X-PAC’S FACE. Again. SHOULDER BLOCK OFF THE ROPES~!

X-Pac nearly flies through the ropes after Bradshaw POWERS OUT of a pin. Awesome. FALL AWAY SLAM~!

Hall shows up even though X-Pac told him to stay backstage. Prevents Bradshaw from doing a powerbomb, then clocks Bradshaw with NUN CHUCKS and BRADSHAW KICKS OUT!!!

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! X-Pac ducks and Bradshaw keeps on going and decks Hall! X-Pac ends up getting the win in the end though.

This was pretty good. Bradshaw is awesome and beating people up, and X-Pac is good on offence + making Bradshaw bleed helped make him look like a credible threat to the big Texan.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

UNDERTAKER INTERVIEW . Probably better than his match later tonight. *sigh*

 

Steven Richards Vs Booker T – WWF Hardcore Championship Match

 Hardcore title match!

 Booker T comes out and he looks CONFUSED AS FUCK during his entire entrance .

 Richards hits an arm drag and celebrates like he won the match.

TRASH CAN LID TO THE BACK OF STEVEN’S HEAD . Makes one hell of a SICK sound .

 GOAT bump from a trash can to the face from Richards.

 at Booker throwing the trash can at Steven then kicking it… except he misses the trash can and just connects with a normal kick . Has Maffew uploaded this entire event as a Botchamania video yet? 

 WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? Steven was in the ropes, Booker walks over to him… then somehow ends up going over the ropes but Richards put like, zero effort into doing… anything .

Why is there a fucking SLEEPER HOLD in my hardcore match? GTFO with that bollacks.

Urgh, Lawler spouting out random “English” phrases and words. Getting the meaning wrong half the time or just sounding like a twat 100% of the time.

Huh. This is unusual. I’M BORED DURING A HARDCORE MATCH.

HOLY FUCK at Steven’s superkick!

Book End and Booker T wins the hardcore title.  then CRASH HOLLY shows up and wins it.  then Booker hits a Scissors Kick while he’s celebrating and wins it back.  then Dreamer and Credible show up and attack him. Booker fights back and keeps the title this time. Then Jazz shows up with Steven again and they botch a table spot, have to re-do it, then Steven wins the belt back .

Well overall this blew giant chunks. Botches, dumb spots and a fucking SLEEPER HOLD DURING A GOD DAMN HARDCORE MATCH. Too much Booker T and not enough weapons. Got DULL during parts, and the stuff AFTER the match originally ends is more exciting.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

The Hardy Boys Vs Brock Lesnar & Shawn Stasiak

THE FUCK IS STASIAK DOING IN THIS? How does he still have a job after his Invasion crap? 

Stasiak is the original VIPER. THE VOICES ARE TALKING TO HIM.

 Heyman basically tells him he’s shit and says the plan for the match is for him to stay on the apron while Brock does everything. Turns out Heyman handpicked him to actually just STAY ON THE APRON .

LITA is unable to be on the show because he just had neck surgery after she broke it filming Dark fucking pile of shit Angel.

 Stasiak runs down to the ring like a “special person” decides to start things off!

Lawler: “I DO WHAT THE VOICES IN MY PANTS TELL ME TO DO”… the fuck is wrong with you Jerry? What the fuck is wrong with this entire fucking show for that matter?

Lesnar finally tags in and starts to FUCK SHIT UP in a good way. A very fucking good way .

 Lesnar goes into the ring post, and Stasiak starts spazzing out as the voices tell him to TAG. So he does. And gets his arse kicked. Seriously, why was this guy kept around DURING the Invasion… never mind AFTER.

Stasiak gets pinned. LESNAR LOST! Just not by being pinned. Did they mention this as a loss for him? I only seem to recall them bringing up getting DQ’d against RVD at vengeance as his first “official” loss.

Lesnar kills everyone after the match including Stasiak. Match was fun mostly.

Rating: *1/2
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Spike Dudley Vs William Regal – WWf European Championship Match

SPIKE is the European champion. Yeah. No wonder they got rid of it .

“REGAL, YER MUM’S A LIZARD!” ahhhh, classic signs .

Regal Rules. Spends the first minute or so of the match just smashing his knee or boot into Spike’s face.

Dropkick.

Dropkick.

Dropkick.

Dropkick.

Huh, when did this turn into a Chavo match? 

Spike goes for the DUDLEY DOG, Regal pushes him off and poor Spikey hurts his lickle leg. AWWWWWWWW. I don’t care.

Trainer comes down, cuts open Spike’s boot because untying it seems like too much work. THE MATCH IS STILL OFFICIALLY GOING TOO BTW.

Spike is getting taken to the back and Regal grabs him and brings him back into the ring BECAUSE THE MATCH IS STILL FUCKING GOING. Ah well, we get Regal being all fucking BOSSY as he attacks it, and the English fans are LOVING REGAL FOR IT. 

Powerbomb. And Regal picks him up after 2, claiming he isn’t done. Spike rolls him up and wins. Fans BOO. Regal decks him with the Brass Knucks. Fans CHEER.

This was mostly ok, but the ankle injury crap lasts as long as the ring action and kinda kills the momentum.

Rating: *1/4
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Steve Austin Vs The Big Show – Special Guest Referee Ric Flair

Well actually Flair is referee #2. He’s just gonna stand there and prevent the NWO from interfering. Show joined the NWO btw. This is before Flair’s heel turn and alliance thingy with the NWO. Whole thing was a mess. NWO in WWE blew.

Reeeeeeeeaaaaalllllllyyyyyy slow start to this one. Stalling, then a bunch of collar and elbow tie ups with Show powering Austin into the corner, then slowly building up to Austin finally knocking Show down. It’s ok I guess, but eh, don’t feel the match needed as much stalling and shit at the start. Was like they were trying to force this to be something big and special when really it’s Big Show Vs Austin with Show not the most motivated he’s been and Burnout 2002 Austin too.

Jerry Lawler. Shut the FUCK up. Why do they have to do it every fucking time. LOLZ WE IN TEH ENGLUND LETS SAY RANDOMLY ENGLISH SHIT WITHOUT A FULL UNDERSTANDING OF THE CONTEXT OR THE FUCKING LANGUAGE. Annoying as shit and actually distracts from matches.

Austin works the legs a little, then Show uses his power and a big clothesline to take Austin down and from here it’s pretty much all Big Show. With some hope spots by Austin, 90% of which are cut with a clothesline. Yawn.

Speaking of yawn… BEARHUG. Big Show has his hands locked in such a convincing way I honestly think Cena’s STF looks better. Urgh.

Big comeback from Austin, Stunner, but the ref is dead. Flair goes for a count but the NWO show up so he buggers off after them. TEASING DAT HEEL TURN. That gets forgotten about like a month later anyway . Then he turns heel again later in the year.

KEVIN NASH!!! HOLY FUCK I THOUGHT HE WAS INJURED! I legit thought his “suspension” was a way to cover up his injury! He doesn’t help in the slightest. 2 Stunners from Austin and he gets the win finally.

Match is… watchable, I guess. Kinda slow, kinda dull, but they did have a decent story thrown in there for the match… it just wasn’t executed too well. Not the worst thing on this show but I’ll never watch it again.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

The Undertaker Vs Triple H

I wanna say NO and be done with it. But it’s a PPV main event so I’m gonna watch it no matter what. No matter what. No matter what. No matter what. SOMEONE SHOOT ME. No matter what.

I’ve already reviewed this in the past. Can I just post that and be done? Please?

Fine. I’ll watch it again. For you. You cunts.

Undertaker’s punches are .

HHH’s punches are SHIT.

“HHH JERKING THE UNDERTAKER OFF… THE TOP ROPE!”  JR is at it again.

Stop it. STOP HOLDING THE GUY’S FUCKING HEAD BEFORE YOU PUNCH. IT LOOKS TERRIBLE. Best striker in the WWE Vs one of the worst.

Undertaker goes after the leg that put THE GAME out of action for 9 months. PUT HIM BACK ON THE SHELF, DEAD MAN!!!

Rope breaks and poor Undertaker looks to really hurt his back on it when it happens. Facing HHH in 2002 does not agree with him it seems.

Ahhh, a rest hold. The secret ingredient to making this match good no doubt!!!

Fuck me, HHH does not want to give up control of the match to Undertaker. Undertaker NEVER gets in any real full control. You can just imagine their conversation during the match…

Undertaker: Ok, time for me to get some heat.

HHH: BABYFACE SHINE!

Undertaker: Fine.

*2 minutes later*

Undertaker: Right, I should get some heat now.

HHH: BABYFACE SHINE!

Undertaker: Urgh, fine!

*2 minutes later”

Undertaker: Give me some fucking heat NOW.

HHH: I’M FUCKING STEPHANIE MCMAHON AND WILL RUN THE COMPANY SOON.

Undertaker: …

HHH: BABYFACE SHINE!

This whole match is just a terrible, terrible mess. And I know I’m like, always biased when it comes to THE UNDERTAKER, but seriously, HHH is the MAJOR problem in this match. He never gives up control and never lets Undertaker get any heat, and his strikes are just god awful and he keeps fucking doing them. Oh and of course he WINS too.

HHH: Oh hey, Undertaker is getting the title at the next PPV. Can I pin him tonight? He’s getting the title anyway .

He probably did the same in 01 with Austin at NWO.

HHH: Austin gets to win the title at WM . Can I beat him the PPV before? PWEETTY PWEASE? Yey!

This match can fuck off. And so can this entire PPV. FUCK OFF.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 0

Backlash 2002

The last WWF PPV!

 

Billy Kidman Vs Tajiri – WWF Cruiserweight Championship Match

 seems like a good way to start the PPV! Actual card for this show looks AMAZING on paper (bar the main event which no matter what would always look awful on paper lol). Hope the undercard holds up!

Poor Tajiri. His kip up is cursed. Every time he does one, Kidman knocks him back down again .

TORRIE chant. She’s not so FAP FAP because Tajiri has her covered up and shit. BOOOO.

Oh man, the referee starts bitching at Tajiri for not breaking a hold in the ropes… so he rolls around and just kicks the absolute FUCK out of Kidman’s face and rolls back in again, as if to say “hey ref, that was YOUR fault”. Tajiri rules.

Tajiri rules in control. Kicks, back work, kicks. Being Tajiri. Awesome.

 at Kidman countering the back spring elbow thingymabob with a dropkick. Tajiri flips RIGHT INTO it too. Looked GREAT.

Holy flerking shizzle at that near fall! Kidman should be DEAD after a kick like that! But he kicked out!

SSP! Miss! KICK TO THE FACE! Tajiri wins! No!!! Kidman kicked out! Kidman kicked out!!! 

Fans really get behind Kidman after that kickout. KIDMAN BOMB off the ropes! KICKOUT BY TAJIRI!!!

Kidman sets Tajiri up for another powerbomb and Tajiri spits the red mist into his eyes! Cleaver cover up during the pin, and Tajiri wins the CW title!!! ALL HAIL TAJIRI!

Great match! Tajiri is KING.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Scott Hall Vs Bradshaw

The fuck is that music? Oh, apparently it’s the NWO music. Except it’s not. Was it edited out on the DVD or did they have a chance in music?

X-Pac is out with Hall (because Hogan left the NWO and Nash got “suspended” aka tore his quad walking  ), and with the numbers game against Bradshaw, it looks like it’s gonna be a long night for him. NO! FAROOQ! RON SIMMONS! The brand split might have split up APA as a team but they are FOREVER FRIENDS. Until Farooq gets fired for drugs and Bradshaw turns heel in 04.

I remember watching this show live and hoping we’d get a TAG TEAM MATCH made. But Teddy Long isn’t a GM so no chance in hell of that happening .

Hall throws his toothpick at Bradshaw and bursts out laughing. So Bradshaw decks him in the mouth .

Hall stalling for AGES before turning around on the outside with Farooq behind him is . Farooq decks him, then attacks X-Pac and throws Hall back into the ring and THE REFEREE DOESN’T SEND HIM BACKSTAGE. The fuck ref? Teddy Long would have. If he didn’t make it a tag match first.

X-Pac in Kane’s mask is . He totally should have run with that as a gimmick. KANE-PAC.

Both guys pretty much just PUNCH EACH OTHER IN THE FACE for the majority. And since both guys throw some wicked punches I’m cool with that lol.

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL~!

X-Pac puts Hall’s foor on the ropes, so Farooq chases him around. Bradshaw watches then Hall low blows him for the win.

Nothing amazing here, but watchable. 2 guys punching each other in the face will always have a place in my heart lol.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Trish Stratus Vs Jazz

No thanks. Molly looks FAP FAP FAP with brown hair though. She cut a promo or something.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Brock Lesnar Vs Jeff Hardy

 Heyman playing with LITA’S thongs is disturbingly hilarious.

Lesnar’s first theme sucked.

Jeff gets some shots in early… and then LESNAR KILLS HARDY. An extended PPV squash match. And it’s fucking EPIC. Lesnar is big and powerful and Jeff is happy to take crazy fucking bumps, so it works out wonderfully .

LITA looks incredible on the outside.

Damn, those multiple backbreakers are IMMENSE. Not only does Lesnar hold on to Jeff to do about 3 in a row, but he absolutely powers Jeff up nearly over his shoulders every time before he drives his back down onto his knee.

SWANTON BOMB~! LESNAR FUCKING POWERS OUT~! FUCK YOU AND YOUR FINISHER, JEFF!!!

F-5! Heyman screams “DON’T PIN HIM. HURT HIM!!!” so Lesnar hits a fucking DOUBLE POWERBOMB. And then a HUGE spinning powerbomb. And the referee has to stop the match because Jeff is DEAD.

.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Kurt Angle Vs Edge

Huh, Angle… doesn’t suck here! Transition spot into his control segment is a sweeeet German Suplex, and from there he slows down the pace rather than going all out with MOVES~!, taking his time to mock the crowd and really play up being a heel. His suplexes work as nice cut off spots for Edge’s hope spots too.

Well damn, even the super over head belly to belly spot is done well! Edge is making a comeback and trying EVERYTHING to keep Angle down, but nothing works. So he goes to the ropes for a Missile Dropkick, and as such Angle IS already on his feet, so no crazy “jumping up from the mat and not selling anything” crap! Instead as Edge is waiting on the ropes for Angle to get in position, Angle quickly realises what’s coming and leaps up for the suplex!!!

They even do a nice little call back to that super belly to belly spot too, which Edge hitting a big Crossbody to Angle on the outside, rolling him in and THEN landing the dropkick because Angle is much more hurt this time!

ANGLE SLAM~! KICKOUT~! ANKLE LOCK~! ROPE BREAK~! Then just like it seems we are going into some big crazy finisher fest, Angle levels Edge with a clothesline and things slow down! Then Angle decks himself in the head with a chair (lol), Edge looks to hit a Spear and Kurt kicks the fuck out of him for a counter (!!!) and into an Angle Slam for the win.

Match is kinda odd actually. I’m unsure what I actually think of it. It isn’t BAD. At all. It isn’t GREAT either. Good, absolutely. I guess. Lol. Angle’s shitty move crap is kept to a minimum and his suplexes make for great cut off spots. The finishing stretch isn’t overkill either, but honestly there seems to be something missing. Mainly from Angle’s control segment. Like I said, his cut off spots are good… but outside of those I honestly couldn’t tell you anything Angle did. Like, AT ALL. Just a giant void of WHATTHEFUCKHAPPENED in between cut off spots .

So overall, its good in the sense that it isn’t your typical crazy Angle MOVES~! match but it doesn’t get a huge rating because there wasn’t much to this one beyond cut off spots and the finishing stretch, both of which were good though.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Jericho promo. Bitching about being left off BACKLASH (He’s not good enough for BACKLASH? JOEY STYLES SHOOT~!) while Kidman and Maven have matches. Anyway, he does have a point. He was in the MAIN EVENT of WM a month ago, and now he’s doing bugger all.

ARN ANDERSON . RIC FLAIR . UNDERTAKER . Undertaker just shows up and stares at Flair before leaving. 

 

Rob Van Dam Vs Eddie Guerrero – WWF Intercontinental Championship Match

BATTLE OF THE FROG SPLASHES~!

. I remember the first Raw brand show when Eddie Guerrero returned and powerbombed RVD. I was still young and had no internet so I didn’t know why Eddie disappeared for a year or anything. So seeing him returned was . Always liked the guy even as a heel when I wasn’t so “smart” to the “business” for lack of better terms. Now I appreciate the guy a bazillion times more .

Eddie is now 100% clean and has his life back in order, and when Eddie is CLEAN, Eddie is one of the best EVER. Not even Mr Flippy can fuck that up!

 1 minute into the match and Eddie is already bumping around and selling RVD’s offence like a fucking GOD. I like how Eddie makes RVD fight to get shit in, and while it’s not the GRITTY style like Finlay and Benoit, it’s still damn good.

Dammit RVD, STOP WITH THE SHITTY ELBOWS.

Aside from those terrible, terrible elbows, RVD’s offence looks really good for a chance! Even his kicks are less sloppy. Eddie is such a good worker he’s having a positive effect on RVD’s ability!!!  Or maybe RVD respects Eddie enough to like, put some fucking EFFORT into his shit for a chance lol.

RVD controls the early part of the match with Eddie getting a few things in here and there, but it’s the TILT-A-WHIRL backbreaker than puts RVD on defence. From here Eddie focuses his attack on RVD’s back like a BOSS.

GORY SPECIAL .

The longer Eddie works over RVD, the more cocky he gets, going for fancy high risk moves and playing to the crowd, and it nearly costs him. He takes far too long going for a Frog Splash, allowing RVD to get up, but Eddie is still able to counter and hit a SICK sunset flip Powerbomb!!!

Ref bump, and Eddie hits a neck breaker on the IC belt, and then it’s FROG SPLASH TIME BABEH! New IC champ! Eddie wins!!! .

Really good match. Eddie is on top form, RVD looks better than usual, and we end up with a pretty great match .

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

The Undertaker Vs Steve Austin – Special Referee Ric Flair – #1 Contenders Match

 FUCK THE HATERS I LOVE THIS. I hope . If it sucks for me on this watch then I’m gonna cry!

Undertaker is BOOGER RED. Austin is a RED NECK. And Flair is wearing RED SHOES. And I’m a RED HEAD. Therefore I cannot hate this match. IT’S SCIENCE, BITCHES!

Undertaker claimed before the match that he will OUT-WRESTLE, OUT-BRAWL and OUT-CHEAT Austin to win this match and go to JD for a title shot.

Stare down and trash talking to start things off. These two have a long history and know what’s on the line here so they aren’t about to rush into anything.

Undertaker immediately goes for a headlock, and Austin can’t escape. When he does, Undertaker shoulder blocks him down and does his cocky boxing footwork as Austin rolls outside to take a break. Undertaker is OUT-WRESTLING Austin. Just like he said he would!

Austin now gets a headlock on Undertaker, and when Undertaker escapes Austin attempts a shoulder block but the Dead Man ain’t budging! More cocky foot work from Undertaker, so Austin pays him back in kind by dropping down and doing some press-ups! Undertaker ain’t getting into Austin’s head!

They re-work the same sequence again, but this time when Undertaker goes for a shoulder block, Austin DECKS HIM with a clothesline, then gives him the finger!

 they go to tie up again and Austin gives Undertaker the finger one more time and Undertaker is FUCKED OFF! He’s angry and rushes at Austin, allowing Austin to use his own momentum against him, and it’s AUSTIN out-wrestling The Undertaker! 

So out-wrestling didn’t work for ‘Taker, so it’s time to fucking BRAWL. Big rights from the Dead Man and a boot to the face, and Austin goes down!

OLD SCHOOL~!

VINTAGE OLD SCHOOL UNDERTAKER. Cole stole VINTAGE from JR!!! Shame he couldn’t steal his talent too.

Undertaker looks to have things in hand thanks to his BRAWLING skills… until Austin takes him down with the Lou Thez press and pummels the fuck out of his face with right hands! They fight on the outside with Austin staying in control.  at Austin punching Undertaker over the barricade right into an old women.

Good punches by Austin and Undertaker in this one, a MASSIVE step up from their SummerSlam 98 match when neither of them seemed to give a fuck.

Hall and X-Pac randomly show up at the top of the ramp, and even Undertaker looks pissed at them. If they screw with this match he’ll probably kill em!

Austin does a great job selling HIS FACE when Undertaker pummels him with punches, knees him in the nose and even smashes it against his bike!

APRON LEG DROP… except to the BACK of Austin’s neck rather than the front! Looks awesome that way.

LEG WORK~! Cool to see Undertaker, the taller guy in the match, work the legs of Austin rather than the other way around. Austin has knee braces on BOTH legs so it’s good strategy to go after them.

Yey the audio just went out of sync. Which apparently was a common problem because they dubbed Undertaker’s entrance theme for the event and it seems to have fucked shit up for the rest of the event now. Bah. Putting the DVD on my PC so I can (hopefully) watch it with media player classic and mess about with the audio timing. Can’t do it from disc as it seems to make the video stutter lol, so hopefully having the files on my PC will solve that problem. HOPEFULLY.

Well that didn’t quite work so I converted it to avi and stuck it in Adobe Premiere and manually put it in sync .

FUCK ME at the speed Undertaker gets to do the leaping lariat!

Undertaker hasn’t been able to put Austin away yet with WRESTLING or BRAWLING. Time to cheat!!! He exposes the turnbuckle, but Austin sends Undertaker into it back first and that gives the Rattlesnake a chance to recover and build momentum!

REF BUMP~! STUNNER~! NO REFEREE~! LOL~!

LOW BLOW~! Undertaker taking advantage of Flair being down. CHOKESLAM~! And Austin KICKS OUT!!! Undertaker’s face when Austin kicks out is amazing . He looks down at Austin as if to say “the fuck did you just do?”.

STEEL CHAIR~! Flair takes it away and Austin lows blows Undertaker… who retaliates with a kick to the face .

STUNNER~! COUNTERED~! FLAIR GETS TAKEN OUT AGAIN~! STEEL CHAIR TO AUSTIN’S HEAD~! Undertaker is doing everything he can to OUT-CHEAT Austin for sure, but Austin will NOT stay down!

Tombstone signal . But he was going for the TAKER CARE OF BUSINESS instead. Austin counters and tries to use it on Undertaker! Undertaker doesn’t like that so he goes for the chair again, only to be met with huge lefts and rights from Austin. Austin grabs the chair, Flair tries to take it away, Austin gives him the finger… and turns around into a big boot! Chair right to the face! 1..2..foot on the ropes…3 anyway!!! UNDERTAKER WINS! UNDERTAKER WINS!

 This still rules. Fuck the haters. Which is like, everyone on the planet bar about 3 of us . Match told a great story of Undertaker trying to out-wrestle Austin, then when that doesn’t work he tries to out-brawl Austin, and when THAT fails, he manages to get the win by out-cheating him!

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Flair walks to the back and Coach shows him footage of the finish with Austin getting his foot on the ropes. His reaction? OHHHH SHIT! 

 

Billy & Chuck Vs Al Snow & Maven – WWF Tag Team Championship Match

 at JR making gay jokes.

MAVEN GETTING ABUSED BY THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS. Poor Maven! 

 teased hot tag to Snow, but Billy and Chuck prevent it… and Al runs in anyway .

Referee: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU GOTTA TAG!” 

Huh, so AL is the guy playing FIP tonight. Instead of, you know, THE ROOKIE. Seems kinda backwards to me lol. Surly it would have made more sense for them to isolate the ROOKIE because he’ll be easier to beat and shit, and then have the teacher just come in for a hot tag? I though that’s what they were gonna do originally but Maven lasted about a minute as FIP lol.

MAVEN SETTING UP FOR HIS FINISHER… THE CROSSBODY. IN 2002. LOL. What kind of absolute LOSER or a wrestler would use that as a finisher in the 00’s? 

Maven gets his head kicked off and loses.

Match is… stuff. Things. Whatever.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Triple H Vs Hulk Hogan – WWF Undisputed Championship Match

I wanna just say NO and move on. BUT… I kinda feel like I NEED to watch the MAIN EVENT TITLE MATCH for every show no matter what. Which sucks for me. Hogan in his prime Vs HHH in his prime doesn’t appeal to me. Hogan over 10 years past his prime Vs out of his prime and muscled up to fuck preventing him from being remotely good HHH makes me wanna puke my eyes out.

Oh god. The bell rings to start the match and we have TWENTY FIVE MINUTES left on the event. 25 minutes of OAP Hogan and Steroid HHH.

OMG HHH SHOWS THAT HE’S STRONGER THAN AN OLD MAN THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME. Kill me.

Fuck me. They spend the first FIVE MINUTES just pushing each other around in a collar and elbow tie up. Plus the knuckle lock spots too. At least the crowd is hot for the match. I guess someone has to be.

 at the chop blocks to the knee by HHH. HHH nearly MISSES the first one, and Hogan was anticipating the second one and almost took the bump too early .

Fuck me… how many does HHH need to do? Hogan just keeps getting up and HHH keeps doing it. I swear for a second I thought part of the match was on a loop .

Leg holds. Sleeper hold. REST HOLDS~! Oh wow this is just exciting shit…

Jericho shows up. A chair gets involved. I think. I was still kinda phased out from the bullshit 10 minutes of rest holds or however long it was.

HOGAN MISSES THE LED DROP. PEDIGREE. 1…2… UNDERTAKER DECKS THE REFEREE!!! CHAIR TO HHH’S FACE! Undertaker picks up Hogan and tells him to cover! Hogan declines and takes out ‘Taker, then hits a Legdrop and gets the win anyway .

My god this was horrible. I mean… the best part of the fucking match is UNDERTAKER INTERFERING AT THE END. I have nothing positive to say about it.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 15

WWE No Mercy 2002

Love how the PPV starts. Kane sits down next to Undertaker and simply asks “how was your week?” . Obviously helps if you remember what was going on during the shows at the time haha .

 

Chris Jericho & Christian Vs Goldust & Booker T – World Tag Team Championship Match

Goldust . Christian . Jericho (not quite mark worthy). And then Booker T. 3 out of 4 ain’t too bad .

Jericho attacked Booker and busted him WIDE OPEN a couple of weeks ago, so when Booker starts the match he wants Jericho but gets Christian, so he beats up Christian and goes right for Jericho, allowing Christian to attack him from behind and… lose control immeditately with Goldust getting tagged in .

Goldust is awesome . He makes smashing people in the face with his arse LOOK CREDIBLE.

 at Lawler on commentary fantasising about Cole and Tazz getting squashed if the HIAC fell down. THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU JERRY?

Good team work from C2 to keep Goldust from making the hot tag. GREAT hope spots from Goldust before he finally gets the hot tag. Wish his FIP segment had lasted waaaay longer though . Booker is fine as the hot tag guy at least. His big kicks DO kinda look cool even if I think he’s average as fuck at best .

 tag to Goldust. SHATTERED DREAMS TIME BABY!!! No Christian Jr I guess.

WALLS OF JERICHO. KICK TO JERICHO’S FACE. SCISSORS KICK. COME ON GOLDUST PIN HIM!!! Bah, that no good Christian broke it up .

 Jericho attempts the Lionsault and the rope dies. Everyone looks baffled but they recover nicely with Jericho hitting a full on MOONSAULT for the win.

Well this was… decent. Disappointing tbh. Didn’t get all that much time and they steered a little too far from the good old STF for my liking. Short FIP from Goldust followed by a prolonged finishing stretch which honestly isn’t thrilling. Ropes breaking luckily doesn’t kill it off or anything as it happened at the end and Jericho was able to recover fine. Still, I liked it enough to not call it horrible or anything .

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

FUNAKI. SMACKADUWN NAMBUR WAN ANNUNCER! My god this “interview” goes on far too long with Funaki barely speaking English and Al Wilson being a horrible actor . At least we get to see Dawn Marie clips a bunch of times.

 

Dawn Marie Vs Torrie Wilson

FAP FAP FAP? Well yes, but I’m gonna skip it anyway.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Ric Flair Vs Rob Van Dam

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. The greatest of all time Vs the flippy dude who smokes a lot of weed.

RVD is PISSED and goes right after Flair and they fight on the outside. Big kick to Flair’s face and Flair takes an epic bump over the barricade right onto a couple of kids .

 Flair goes for the FLAIR BUMP over the turnbuckle and he seems to realise while upside down still that he ain’t gonna make it, so he just SCREAMS “AARRHGHKGHDAJFSFJ!!!” in disgust at himself .

Leg work from Flair. RVD… is selling it REALLY FUCKING WELL.

Come on Flair. BREAK HIS LEGS. End his reign of flippy shit forever!!! *realises this took place 11 years ago and RVD is still flipping about* 

Urgh, RVD, stop. Stop throwing those fucking elbows. They are on par with HHH’s punches. You know, where he has to hold his opponents head first before he throws them and it takes like 20 seconds between each shot which absolutely KILLS any back and forth striking between him and his opponent?

Lawler: “DO YOU THINK PREGNANT WOMEN ARE ATTRACTIVE?”

 WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM?

The fuck is Flair doing? STOP STEALING MIZ’S FINISHER HOLD YOU OLD BAST… oh wait, no. This looks to be some modified version of what Miz does .

Flair is GOAT’ing all over the place with his leg work on RVD and those RIGHT HANDS to the face too. Do people talk about Flair’s punching much btw? I always really liked his punches. They always looked really fucking good.

Oh hey, RVD no selling the leg work. I AM SHOCKED AND OUTRAGED THAT SOMEONE AS GOOD AS RVD WOULD DO SUCH A THING!

 Flair sells the 5 Star Frog Splash like the true GOAT he is. Flops around like a fish out of water until RVD covers him. RVD wins.

Match is mostly solid. Flair controls most of it and works the leg really well. Would have been better had RVD like, sold the leg work during his comeback at the end.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Big Show has his thumb up his arse.

 

Jamie Noble Vs Tajiri – Cruiserweight Championship Match

 please let this rule the planet.

Oh my god I think I’m in love with Tajiri . Guy RULES in this. RULES. MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING RULES THE FUCKING WORLD AND EVERY FUCKER IN IT. Why? This:

Noble rules too. Not as much, but he’s still damn great. Love him shouting random shit and adding “BOY” at the end of everything . His offence is really good, focusing on the back of Tajiri. Looks nice and NASTY too. Speaking of NASTY, wouldn’t mind getting NASTY WITH NIDIA.

 that awesome sequence with Tajiri going for a Moonsault, Noble moving, Tajiri landing on his feet and going right into a tornado DDT .

OH SHIT, Tajiri goes fucking INSANE with a flurry of kicks. HE GONNA KILL HIM.

ORGASMIC counter from a kick by Noble… right into another kick TO THE FACE anyway . And then THAT GERMAN. THIS IS AWESOME *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*.

NIDIA kisses the lucky referee in order to distract him from a pin attempt after Tajiri KICKS NOBLE’S HEAD OFF. Then she helps him get the win to retain the title.

TAJIRI KISSES NIDIA. She likes it! What a slut! Noble’s revenge is showing him how to really kiss her . SO Tajiri kicks him in the back of the head.

This was GLORIOUS. Had to look up the time because I *thought* it got like 10+ minutes, but it only got about 8! Felt longer in the best way possible.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Benoit is backstage finding Eddie to tell him that Angle is beating the shit out of Chavo Jr. Eddie thinks the screams are coming from a little girl. He’s right. And so is Benoit. Angle is beating the shit out of little girl Chavo Jr. LOL. Best thing Angle has done!!! FINLAY sighting .

 

Triple H Vs Kane – Winner Takes All World Heavyweight Championship Match

The IC title merged with the Hardcore title, and now the winner of this is gonna merge the IC title into the WHC. Because… ummm… I guess they wanted to make the main brand titles mean something more than usual for about half a year before they decide to bring this back and bring the US title to SD .

KATIE VICK~! DEATH~! RAPE~!

Lawler: “IT’S NOT COOL TO BE A FREAK!!!”. Be a star you fuck.

HHH has never beaten Kane in a title match. Except for that time when HHH and Austin beat Kane and Undertaker for the tag belts. LOL.

HHH looks odd as fuck without facial hair. Makes his nose look bigger. BIGGER.

Early going is mostly fun with Kane going crazy on HHH because, ya know, he accused him of murdering Katie Vick then raping her corpse. Is it still rape if the person is dead? I mean, they can’t tell you either way. Stop talking now? Yeah ok.

So early going. Kane is rocking HHH with big shots and it’s all pretty bossy.  though at the spot where Kane is running at HHH in the corner and HHH is supposed to get an elbow up. Kane practically STOPS before he gets to HHH then walks into the elbow .

Nice transition spot into HHH’s control segment; thumb to the eye (FLAIR~!) followed by a knee to the back which sends Kane head first into the ring post .

Shame HHH’s control segment isn’t as good as the transition spot into it lol. Dull dull dull dull dull dull dull. Thankfully it doesn’t last too long. I spent most of the time laughing at the commentary. JR and King talking about MURDER .

FLAIR~!  he runs into the ring, spazzes out, the ref gets taken out then Flair gets taken out. Quality.

BELT TO THE FACE. KICK OUT. THE HURRICANE~!  forgot he and Kane were partners at this time. Seemed odd for a few moments when I forgot and Hurricane came down to attack Flair .

PEDIGREE ON THE FLOOR~! Hurricane averted!

Kane sits up in the ring and looks to finish THE GAME now. Flair on the outside smashing his fists on the steel steps then threatening fans is GOAT. He’s been at ringside for like 2 minutes and he’s already the most entertaining thing in this match.

 oh man Flair trying to go toe to toe with Kane is another GOAT moment.

HHH THROUGH A TABLE~!

Kane is UNSTOPPABLE in this. Kicking out of everything, taking out Flair, putting HHH through a table, blocking a sledgehammer shot by Flair. Chokeslam. But the numbers game and the sledgehammer eventually prove too much. Pedigree and this one is finally over. HHH unifies the WHC and IC title.

Match isn’t horrible… but not that good either. HHH is dull controlling things but luckily that doesn’t last long. Whole finishing stretch makes Kane look unstoppable but is overbooked clusterfuckery and eh, I’m not too high on it. Maybe if they’d had Flair at ringside from the start and spread out those spots throughout the entire match it might have come across better.

Rating: **1/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

CONFIDENTIALLY… YOU’RE A LYING BITCH.

 Undertaker rules.

 

Chris Benoit & Kurt Angle Vs Rey Mysterio & Edge – WWF Tag Team Championship Match

Bangle Vs Redge .

Watching the build up video makes me wanna watch the whole tag tournament again. Might have to at some point.

Match starts, Angle grabs Rey and throws him across the ring. Then tells him to tag Edge because LOLREY. Rey sees it as disrespect and doesn’t tag out, instead he takes it to Angle and uses his speed and high flying ability to make Angle look like a complete and total tit! SUPER fun start!!!

And once Rey gets Angle all frustrated… he tags in Edge .

Edge and Benoit roll around on the mat for a few minutes and it’s kinda dull, then we get a few nice spots with Angle getting involved on the apron, Edge getting a revenge spot and then Angle getting a revenge for revenge spot spot!!! And that leads to the first control segment for Bangle.

 at Mysterio standing on the ropes and screaming for Edge to get up and make a tag, and Benoit just kinda stops what he’s doing to Edge, walks over and stares at him before going back to work on Edge.

HOT TAG TO MYSTERIO~! Guy is on FIRE!!! Loved that springboard drop kick to Benoit who was laying face up in the ropes! Incredible near fall!

CROSSFACE~!

619~! Benoit catches him! MISSILE DROPKICK FROM EDGE AND BENOIT IS CRUSHED! 1…2… KICK OUT!!!

Rey climbs the ropes to try and finish Benoit off… and Angle shows up from out of nowhere for the super over head belly to belly!!! Probably the only time that move has made sense and wasn’t some random spot simply to set the move up!

 now it’s time for REY to be the FIP . One of the things I’ve always liked about this match is how we got Edge as FIP and then a hot tag and what would normally be an incredible finishing stretch… that only leads to ANOTHER heel control segment with Rey as the FIP! Just when you think the match is going into the final stretch they slow things down again and build up more suspense for the ACTUAL finish.

Huh, hot tag to Edge already. That didn’t seem to last long . Another big finishing stretch, but Edge off the hot tag isn’t as good as Rey .

 Edge just gave Rey an over head belly to belly to send him right into Angle . Logic behind it is DUMB AS FUCK but damn it looked good!

619 to Benoit while he’s applying the Crossface!!!

ANGLE SLAM TO REY~!

ANKLE LOCK TO EDGE~!

SPEAR TO ANGLE~!

ANKLE LOCK TO EDGE AGAIN~!

ANKLE LOCK TO ANGLE BY EDGE~!

ANKLE LOCK TO EDGE BY ANGLE AGAIN~!

TAP OUT~!

Well. I mean. I.

I used to love this. Even when my wrestling tastes changed and matches with MOVES~! and shit all went down for me… this remained great. Until now. It just fell a little flat for me. The Edge FIP was short and kinda meh outside of a few spots. Rey hot tag was INCREDIBLE. Then the Rey FIP was… short as fuck with little happening, and honestly I think my biggest disappointment with the match is there. I mentioned that I loved the match for having the 2 FIP segments in it, but this time both were kinda shitty and I wish we’d just got one long Rey FIP with some substance to it. First finishing stretch was good, but the actual finishing stretch was kinda shitty.

Overall… the match is ok, good even, but seems to have completely fallen apart for me compared to my last watch. And that makes me sad .

Rating: ***

CAL SCALE – 2

 

Trish Stratus Vs Victoria – WWE Women’s Championship Match

Yeah, sorry. No.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Brock Lesnar Vs The Undertaker – WWE Championship Hell in a Cell Match

Build up video is awesome. God I loved the feud. Always great too when you can remember watching it as it happened.

Lesnar uses his power early on to hit a HUGE powerslam on Undertaker for a near fall mere minutes into the match. So Undertaker decides to use the cast as a weapon to even things up and Lesnar DOES NOT like that! Being a rookie and his first time inside HIAC, he starts to panic and wants to get out, because it’s only NOW that he realises exactly what he’s gotten himself into; a confined space with THE UNDERTAKER who has a cast that can be used as a WEAPON.

LESNAR IS BLEEDING. And Undertaker is DOMINATING the WWE Champion inside the cell. Lesnar takes some killer bumps face first into the cell.

Undertaker does his apron leg drop… then climbs to the top rope and looks to do the same… only he kinda falls and turns and apparently did a knee drop.  it looks dreadful tbh .

Heyman on the outside is amazing.  at him pushing his arm through one of the gaps to try and get at ‘Taker. Undertaker boots him in the face, then grabs him by the tie and smashes his face repeatedly into the cell!!! HEYMAN IS BLEEDING!!!

It seems that Heyman getting busted open ANGERS Lesnar who gets a second wind and just smashes Undertaker into the cell and ring post, ending with all 3 men laying on the floor, beaten and in some cases bleeding… and we aren’t anywhere near done yet!!!

Heyman proves to be a valuable asset even outside the cell, handing Lesnar his belt to tie around the broken hand. Heyman grabs the other and and makes sure Undertaker’s hand is going nowhere, allowing Lesnar to SMASH IT TO FUCKING BITS with a steel chair!!!

Heyman: “YOU’RE GONNA DIE NOW! YOU’RE GONNA DIE NOW!” .

I love how this match went from Lesnar panicking and running from Undertaker, getting MAULED even at one point, to Lesnar in firm control with a clear target. All thanks to PAUL HEYMAN. Guy really is the third man in this match. Amazing how much he can do outside of even a cage. Kinda like the HHH/Lesnar cage… except Heyman was the only good thing about that match .

THE CAST IS OFF!!!

Fuck me, Undertaker’s legs are COVERED in blood. And he ain’t even bleeding! Good job he’s wearing dark trousers lol.

SUICIDE DIVE~! BY THE UNDERTAKER~! Gotta love how even Undertaker is having to resort to shit like that. Lesnar is proving to be a HUGE threat in this match and Undertaker gotta do whatever he can to beat him.

 at Undertaker trying to pick up the steel steps, but letting go because his hand is fucked .

Undertaker is BLEEDING. From 2 INCREDIBLE shots to the face with the steel steps. Heyman saying “YOU ARE THE MAN” and high fiving with Lesnar at the side of the cell is more  from Heyman. Has any manager EVER added so much to a match simply being on the outside?

Undertaker is bleeding on Eddie Guerrero JD 04 levels now. HOLY FUCK.

 at Undertaker instinctively punching Lesnar with his right hand, only to end up screaming in pain because it’s the hand that was broken .

 at Undertaker getting a little revenge by stomping away on the hand of Lesnar. NOBODY BREAKS THE DEADMAN’S HAND WITHOUT PAYING.

Tazz: “THE UNDERTAKER HAS NEVER BEEN PINNED. HAS NEVER SUBMITTED.”. Ummmm… WHAT?

F-5! No! Countered into a chokeslam!!! People complain about that because he uses his injured hand. Whatever. He hits it out of desperation to avoid an F-5. As soon as he hits it he just falls on Lesnar for a pin, and from there HE CONTINUES TO SELL THE HAND. So fuck off you numpties.

LAST RIDE OUT OF THE CORNER~! I love how Undertaker wasn’t able to hit it from the normal position. His hand wouldn’t allow him to flip Lesnar up onto his shoulders, and Lesnar was able to counter and send ‘Taker to the ropes, where Undertaker could simply walk forward and slam Lesnar down with the Last Ride rather than get him up there himself.

Oh fuck at THAT FINISH. Tombstone countered into an F-5 by Lesnar, which includes Lesnar absolutely POWERING Undertaker out of a Tombstone position, onto his shoulders and into an F-5. Incredible. BROCK LESNAR retains the WWE Title against Undertaker in Hell in a Cell. During his FIRST YEAR on the active roster. Incredible.

And speaking of INCREDIBLE, that is exactly how I would describe this match. Brutal, bloody, intense, shocking. THIS is the kind of thing Hell in a Cell was made for. Such a great match to watch. Always considered it to be the 2nd best HIAC (behind the GOAT MATCH of course), and it isn’t going to move up to the #1 spot, but dammit it’s moving up in another way…

Rating: *****
CAL SCALE – 9

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 15.5

WWF Survivor Series 2001

I began my 2001 Ramblings with THE INVASION PPV. So I’m ending with the END of The Invasion!

Video package at the start of the show is amazing. Yet another (of the MANY) example of WWF/E being masters of video packages.

 

Christian Vs Al Snow – WWF European Championship Match

So this is the FINAL WWF Vs Alliance PPV. Quite possibly the biggest event kayfabe wise in history. And Christian Vs Al Snow is on it? THE FUCK, MAN?

“WE WANT HEAD”

Did these 2 even care? Because fuck me this is just two guys going through the motions to fill time. There is a bit where Christian has Al down and starts talking trash to him, and you can see him purposely moving into position so Al can small package him. Made me shake my head…

Snow Plow looked brutal at least. Christian still wins.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Austin shows up and THE ALLIANCE want to know if he’s turning on them because he smiled at Vince on SD.

SHIT HAPPENS. Vince continues to tease that one of the Alliance team members is gonna turn on them and join the WWF. WILLIAM REGAL shows up to say he doesn’t believe Vince.

 

William Regal Vs Tajiri

Actually watched this recently so I’m  right now because I KNOW this is fecking great!

Regal BLOCKS some big kicks from Tajiri, and smashes his elbow right into his face only to still take a KICK TO THE HEAD .

KNEE TREMBLER .

KICKS~!

ELBOWS~!

STIFFNESS~!

Oh man! Tajiri gets caught up in the ropes by his NECK, so Regal goes outside and pulls on his legs! What a RUTHLESS BASTARD!!!

Regal’s nose is bleeding. As usual when he’s against anyone STIFF lol. He’s the Master Roshi of the WWF… except KICKS make his nose spurt rather than beautiful women.

DOUBLE ARM POWERBOMB~! And Regal gets the win. He gives Tajiri another just BECAUSE.

TORRIE FAP FAP FAP. Regal decides to give her one too. A POWERBOMB YOU SICK FUCKS.

Short and absolutely SWEET. 

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Edge Vs Test – WWF Intercontinental Championship & WCW United States Championship Unification Match

The IC and US titles are gonna be unified here tonight, and the winner will be SAFE regardless of the outcome of the main event. But if the WWF wins, the IC title remains. If the Alliance wins, the US title remains. BUT WHO WILL BE CHAMP?

WHAT’S THAT ALL ABOOT?

Solid stuff here! Shouldn’t be THAT surprised I guess because while Test doesn’t have a catalogue of epic matches, he isn’t a guy I’d say ever flat out SUCKED, and Edge, while never the best wrestler or anything did have a pretty good run in late 01/early 03.

Pretty great battle for control on the top rope at one point .

Oh shit, SPEAR BY TEST. And it looked awesome! Fuck Edge doing the Spear, give it to Test!

 oh god the kick out from Edge after a big pumphandle slam look so lethargic. Was supposed to be a big near fall and all, and the fans DID pop for it and shit, but damn, Edge looked like he couldn’t give a fuck .

Match has a really good finishing stretch, that I guess you can say started with the battle on the top rope. Some cool sequences, counters, big moves and kick outs, and then Edge pulls out a surprise win with a roll up. I liked this.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

STEPHANIE FAP FAP FAP.

LITA FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP. LITA is concerned about Matt, and tonight in general. Matt comes out of the locker room and convinces them everything is cool. LITA seems satisfied and is about to go into the locker room, only to be met by TRISH (FAP FAP FAP) who seems a little flustered… yeah that whole angle was dropped fairly quickly lol.

 

The Dudley Boys Vs The Hardy Boys – WWF & WCW Tag Team Championship Unification Cage Match

They stick to a basic tag match in the early going, which I kinda like, even for a cage match. Then it all goes to hell (in a good way) as both Hardy’s try to escape and we get a couple of big spots off the cage and from there it’s 2 on 2 and nobody gives a fuck about tags!

Damn, Bubba takes the biggest Flair Bump off the ropes ever. He fucking throws himself as high as possible and as far as possible lol.

Matt nearly gets pushed through the side of the cage when Bubba runs at him full speed.

Cool spot with Matt hanging upside down from the cage by his leg thanks to D-Von, who then follows up with a head butt to Jeff’s balls.

STACY, GET THE TABLES~!

But this is a CAGE match, right? How they gonna get a table in there? Simple. Stacy shows her ass (FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP) and Nick Patrick is in a sexual trance allowing Stacy to steal the key . A table is in, but The Hardy Boys manage to avoid it! Matt escapes… but this leaves Jeff alone!

Jeff manages to climb the cage, but D-Von has randomly (and I swear the way he does it is hilariously retarded) put himself on the table, and Jeff can’t resist diving off the cage! D-Von moves, Jeff crashes through the table and The Dudley Boys unify the tag belts!

Not the greatest match between these 2 teams, nor the best tag cage match you are gonna see, but it was solid overall. Finish was done to create the Matt Vs Jeff angle, and made Jeff look like a retard so I liked it . Shame the actual angle didn’t go anywhere lol.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

SCOTTY 2 HOTTY~! Test jumps him to take his battle royal spot. Because… you know… that’s how it works. I can understand someone getting beat up and having their NUMBER stolen, but this is just RANDOM lol.

 

Lance Storm Vs Justin Credible Vs DDP Vs Raven Vs Steven Richards Vs Billy Kidman Vs Tommy Dreamer Vs The Hurricane Vs Shawn Stasiak Vs Test Vs Bradshawn Vs Farooq Vs Crash Holly Vs Funaki Vs Hardcore Holly Vs Albert Vs Billy Gunn Vs Chuck Palumbo Vs Spike Dudley Vs Perry Saturn Vs Tazz Vs Chavoe Guerrero Jr Vs Hugh Morris – Immunity Invitation Battle Royal

Ok, so this in an INVITATIONAL match. So why did Test even need to attack Scotty? Hell, TAZZ only shows up after the match has started lol.

Huh, Palumbo was a WWF guy already? He and Billy are dressed alike so it seems their tag team has already started. Honestly don’t remember it being this early on lol.

DDP… he went from main eventing THE INVASION PPV as part of Team Alliance… to being in a battle royal at the end of the Invasion angle.

 DDP is one of the earliest eliminations… then Palumbo gets thrown out and accidentally kicks the fuck out of DDP’s head .

Chavo Jr and Hugh Morris show up. Guess they are in the match? *edits match title* LOL they got eliminated before I could even add their names to the match .

 Tazz calls Heyman a fat bastard and ends up getting eliminated from behind. Heyman bursts out laughing then shits himself when Tazz goes for him .

Epic elimination of Kidman. Bradshaw Fall Away Slams him over the ropes… but unlike the Vader/2 Cold version from the 1997 RR (yeah I remember this shit lol)… Bradshaw was about 2 fecking feet away from the ropes when he did it!!!

Final 2 are TEST and… Billy Gunn . Boot to the face and Gunn is dunn. TEST wins immunity for the next year.

Fun enough.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Trish Stratus Vs Lita Vs Jacqueline Vs Mighty Molly Vs Ivory Vs Jazz – WWF Women’s Championship Match

Women’s title is back after Chyna buggered off with it lol. Jazz makes her debut. NOBODY KNOWS HER OR CARES .

Jazz starts the match by beating up LITA. I hate her already.

MOLLY GO ROUND~! Poor (or lucky lol) Jacqueline gets a face full of MOLLY VAG~!

Crazy that they could do a 6 pack challenge with DIVAS and all of them could like, actually go in the ring… well Trish was green as hell still at this point but not half bad.

TRISH WINS.

Short and… fapable I guess? Aside from Jazz who looks like a man. She’s replaced Chyna.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

The Undertaker, Kane, The Big Show, Chris Jericho & The Rock Vs Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, Shane McMahon, Booker T & RVD – Winner Take All Survivor Series Elimination Match

This is IT. 5 months of THE INVASION have all led to this. The surviving team not only gets bragging rights, but will determine which company stays in business and which dies forever (except for ECW that comes back for a while lol).

The whole match takes up over ONE HOUR of the PPV time lol. That’s video package, entrances and then the actual match. And you know what? I don’t care. It’s all done so well. Say what you want about the Invasion Angle, but they DID get some shit right. This match is one of them.

JR to Heyman: “JIM CORNETTE CAN REPLACE YOU TOMORROW, PAL!” .

Instead we got Lawler .

Rock and Austin start things off. Whatever. Go away already, Rock.

HUGE pop for RVD.

So Vince was supposed to be in this match along with Shane, but Big Show ended up taking Vince’s spot. Anyone else think this could have been so much more awesome if VINCE was in it? Having him interact with Austin? How  could that have been?

Team WWF dominates early on, with everyone getting a turn at coming in and showing up THE ALLIANCE. Shane O’Mac keeps running into the ring and breaking up pin attempts like an annoying little fucker. Just gonna make his eventual elimination that much sweeter .

BIG SHOW comes in and just rips into everyone, until he ends up taking a finisher from everyone bar Austin and Shane McMahon pins him!!!

Shane is all happy because he eliminated the giant from this match… and ends up getting a face full of ROCK PUNCHES.

And now it’s time for SHANE to take everyone’s finisher and he is eliminated too! Awesome to see Undertaker bring out the TOMBSTONE for this occasion too.

BODY SLAM~! BODY SLAM~! BODY SLAM~! HOW TALENTED IS BOOKER T?!?!

Big brawl erupts. RVD eliminates KANE! With a kick to the face. Off the ropes.

LAST RIDE TO ANGLE~! STUNNER TO UNDERTAKER! Austin pulls Angle over Undertaker… and the DEAD MAN is done . That leaves us with Rock & Jericho for Team WWF. BOOOO. Undertaker means more to that company than either of them.

Booker T loses to a roll up. LOL.

 to set up the roll up, Rock sends Booker right into Angle and knocks him off the apron, and RVD just kinda looks down at Angle like “the fuck you doing?” .

 Jericho eliminates RVD with THE BREAKDOWN but despite using it to beat The Rock for the WCW title at No Mercy, the move still hasn’t been established yet and NOBODY reacts to it… making RVD’s elimination seem totally random. Even BILLY KIDMAN can’t believe it ended there!!!

.

Down to Angle & Austin Vs Jericho & Rock. Angle & Austin battled like crazy just a couple of months ago over the WWF title, and Rock and Jericho have recently been battling over the WCW title. So an interesting choice for the final men on each team. PLUS just a week or so ago in England for Rebellion, Angle and Jericho had a match together and Rock and Austin fought as well!

 Angle, an OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALLIST IN WRESTLING just lost to a Sharpshooter… from THE ROCK . Lowest point in his career .

Austin is now fighting for THE ALLIANCE by himself! An odd position to put the heel into for a match of this importance but whatever.

Jericho is eliminated! He’s so fucked off he… HIS ROCK WITH THE BREAKDOWN! The WWF Locker room is SHOCKED, and UNDERTAKER shows up to make sure Jericho doesn’t do anything else.

Rock and Austin are the final 2 now, and I guess it’s kind of fitting. This whole thing kinda started at WM when Austin turned heel to beat Rock for the WWF Title, and from the heel turn Austin then turned on the WWF and tried to put it out of business. So ending with those same 2 guys IS kinda cool. Sorta. Fuck you Rock.

Heyman: “WHY ISN’T HEBNER CALLING FOR THE BELL?”

JR: “BECAUSE ROCK ISN’T TAPPING!!!”

Heyman: “WELL THAT NEVER STOPPED HIM BEFORE AT SURVIVOR SERIES!”

Oh god another Sharpshooter by Rock. I think Rock Vs Miz in a submission match might very well be the WORST MATCH EVER on paper.

STUNNER BY THE ROCK~!

NICK PATRICK~! HE BREAKS UP A PIN AND TAKES OUT HEBNER!!!

ROCK BOTTOM BY AUSTIN~!

Rock kicks out, so Austin attacks Nick for not counting to 3!!! Then he brings in Hebner because, I dunno, he thinks a WWF referee is gonna do a better job… nope. Hebner gets taken out within seconds .

STUNNER! THE ROCK IS DONE FOR! YES! But there is no referee!

KURT ANGLE! HE GRABS THE WWF TITLE… AND CRACKS AUSTIN IN THE FACE!!! ROCK BOTTOM! THE 3! WWF HAS WON IT! THE ALLIANCE IS DEAD! ANGLE SCREWED THE ALLIANCE!!!

 This is a rather awesome tag match. Tons of fun and some great shit throughout. Probably the best Survivor Series Elimination match, though that huge 16 man one from either 88 or 89 could challenge it.

Rating: ****1/2
CAL SCALE – 7

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 13.5