Category: Written Reviews

 

No Mercy 2004

 

May jebus have mercy on my soul, because this undercard probably won’t.

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs Luther Reigns

Eddie Guerrero. One of the all time greats. One of the most popular superstars at the time. Was WWE Champion at WM XX earlier in the year. Now he’s opening a PPV against Luther fucking Reigns. How does that even happen?

Luther gets off to a good start by powering Eddie down with a clothesline, so Eddie backs himself into a corner to sucker Luther in… then POKES HIM IN THE EYE. I miss Eddie . Goku got to come back for one day while dead to compete in a tournament, why can’t Eddie come back for a show?

Standard power wrestler stuff from Luther; press slam, bear hug etc. Nothing worth going into detail about lol. Highlight is Eddie selling it and using his lie, cheat and steal way off life to try and make comebacks.

So according to Michael Cole, Luther Reigns in the past has been shot, stabbed and had his throat slit. At least I know I’m not alone in not liking the guy .

Eddie escaping Reigns when he has him in a reverse DDT position is awesome. Knees to the face then uses the ropes to push himself up and over and lands a reverse DDT of his own! Now things are picking up as Eddie makes his comeback! Love how Eddie, despite being babyface, just looks like a cocky DICK after he hits a few moves lol. The fans eat it up and so do I.

Oh man oh man oh man Eddie is the greatest. He’s making his comeback and looking great… then Luther just powers him into the air and smashes him to the mat. Eddie rolls out to figure out what to do next… and happens to notice a security guard! He steals the security guard’s baton, sticks it in his boot and yeah, you can figure out what goes down after that . Eddie <3.

Eddie wins. Duh.

Match isn’t awful, so that’s something! Luther wasn’t bad, he was just… basic as shit . But give Eddie something basic and he turns it into something good, so I’m happy with how this went. Fun stuff, but such a waste of Eddie’s talent.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Dawn Marie walks in on Miss Jackie topless. FAP FAP FAP. Jackie just stands there covering her tits lol.

 

Spike Dudley Vs Nunzio – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

God I love the FBI theme. Huh, Nunzio was trained by Billy Robinson? I did not know this. Pretty cool though.

Spike couldn’t even slam NUNZIO without falling back.

Opening few minutes are ALL Nunzio, with the champ unable to get anything in whatsoever. Nunzio looks pretty great btw. His offence looks snug and solid (kinda funny I’m noticing something like that after finding out who trained him ), and he is real smooth at the counters and shit too. Almost makes me wanna check more Nunzio stuff out. Almost.

Sweeeeeet counter by Nunzio into a cradle for a very close near fall, which is similar to how he beat Spike on SD to earn a title shot here.

Unfortunately Spike on offence is DULL AS FUCK as he keeps going for the same damn hold; a full nelson while Nunzio is on the mat.

Thankfully though Nunzio is on top of his game and seems to control a great deal of this match, countering the champ at every turn and hitting some sweet offence.

The Dudley Boys on the outside are what give the advantage finally to Spike allowing him to win.

This was fun. Nunzio going for quick counters into pins to try and get the win just like he did on SD was cool.

Rating: **1/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Paul London Vs Billy Kidman

Remember when Kidman injured Chavo Jr with a botched SSP? Ahhh, fun times .

Some nice HATE~! from London early on. Thanks to Kidman they lost the tag belts, and then Kidman smacked him in the back with a chair too. So he has every right to be fucked off. In the wrestling world, anyway lol .

Man, London doesn’t give a shit. He’s launching himself all over to hurt Kidman. That springboard moonsault from the second rope INSIDE the ring OVER THE ROPES TO THE FLOOR was fucking SICK. I mean wow. One mistake and he could have landed on the back of his head on the apron or something.

RAKE TO THE EYES~! And then poor London gets thrown ribs first into the ring post and Kidman is controlling this one!

Nice job by Kidman WORKING a hold, stretching London after he went ribs first into that ring post, then punching the ribs for added punishment.

Great focused offence by Kidman, and London takes some great bumps and sells everything pretty well too.

Love how London keeps getting out of these holds by KNEEING KIDMAN IN THE FACE. Keeps working so why not?

Damn, that was one STIFF ELBOW shot to Kidman’s face. That looked better than any Bull Hammer from Barrett.

London keeps trying to make a comeback, but his injured ribs prevent him from getting on any kind of roll, and Kidman takes full advantage of it every time. Pretty smart work throughout this match, and some great action too!

Kidman goes to the ropes for a SSP!!! But like the last few weeks since the Chavo incident, he hesitates and looks to leave! But Teddy Long told him if he leaves the match he’s fired, so he has to come back anyway.

London goes for the SSP! Kidman drives the knees into London’s ribs, and then lands a SSP of his own for the win! Kidman overcame his demons! Yey!!! Wait… Kidman’s the heel? Yey anyway I guess?

Great match! Very impressed . LONDON IS SPITTING UP BLOOD!!! The fans seem happy about it . SSP TO LONDON WHILE HE’S STRAPPED ON A BOARD~!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

JBL interview. He talks about how he’s always guaranteed victory… but tonight the words just can’t come out. EPIC FORESHADOWING? No. I mean… SPOILER~!

 

Kenzo Suzuki & Renee Dupree Vs RVD & Rey Mysterio – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

BLUCE SPLINGSTEEN~!

BOOOORRRN IN TEH YOU ESS AYYE

I almost wanna watch the match after that awesomeness from Kenzo. Was better than the real Springsteen that’s for sure .

Nah, I can’t watch it. I can’t watch a match with RVD, Kenzo and Dupree. Urgh.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

The Big Show Vs Kurt Angle

Man, remember that awesome return from Big Show when he cleared the entire locker-room during that lumberjack match? Guy looked like a legit monster.

oh man the build up for this match. ANGLE SHOOTS BIG SHOW WITH A TRANQUILLISER GUN . Then shaves his head .

Teddy Long making more FIRED~! threats. Anyone interferes in this match and they are gone!

Big Show is gonna break Angle’s ASS IN HALF. I guess it’s one of THOSE kind of PPV’s…

Show pushes and throws Angle around for a few minutes, then Angle gets himself counted out!

TEDDY LONG~! He’s throwing his weight around AGAIN lol, and tells Angle the match is gonna restart, and if Angle doesn’t have a proper match he’s fired. TEDDY HATES THE WHITE MAN.

Angle trips over the steps and nearly gets counted out and fired.

Match gets ***** for that alone .

Oh man, great camera angle for Angle getting decked in the face holding a chair:

Show decides this match is over and goes for a chokeslam, but Angle rolls through into an Ankle Lock!!!

REF BUMP~! ANGLE CHEATS AND USES A CHAIR~!

Man, Angle really goes to fucking town on Show’s ankle. Love the spot where he HANGS on the ankle of Show while Show is on the apron. Looks brutal as fuck.

All that ankle work and… Show stands up and starts throwing Angle around, runs, and even hits a big boot. All the while completely NO SELLING the ankle work. Wow, no selling in an Angle match and it’s NOT Kurt’s fault?

Angle tries to shoot Big Show again.

Oh hey Show has decided to limp a little. Nice of him.

CHOKESLAM FROM THE ROPES~! Show wins.

Fun enough match, just a shame Show decides to no sell the ankle work during most of his comeback.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Booker T Vs John Cena – Best of 5 Series United States Championship – Match 5

Ha.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

The Dudley Boys & Dawn Marie Vs Charlie Hass, Rico & Miss Jackie

So Charlie and Jackie are engaged. But Dawn Marie claims she’s having an affair with Dawn. And somehow the Dudley’s are involved making it a 6 man tag because STUFF.

FAP FAP FAP Dawn and Jackie get into it. Lol.

Bubba tags in and wants a kiss from Jackie. He closes his eyes and…

.

Bubba walks out of the match .

He eventually comes back and crotches Rico as revenge .

Bubba gets the tag and mauls Rico for kissing him, then Charlie gets the hot tag and cleans house for a little while, then it’s chaos as we go into the finish.

Bubba sets Rico up for the headbutt to the goin, but he seems to WANT it, and Devon is terrified .

In the end Rico lands a moonsault for the win.

FUN.

Rating: **1/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

JBL Vs The Undertaker – WWE Championship Last Ride Match

.

JBL bringing back some old members of the Ministry of Darkness was awesome. And then Undertaker crushed them a week later .

Match starts with both guys clubbing each other in the face . ***** already .

JBL tries. He really does. But he just can’t do a damn thing to ‘Taker in the early going. Punches to the face, boots to the face, elbow drops, apron leg drop, and an irish whip into the steel steps are all things that Undertaker does to JBL without a care in the world .

STEEL STEPS TO THE FACE~! Undertaker wasted too much time setting up the announce table for a spot and ends up tasting some cold hard steel. Oh fuck, that second shot with the steps is fucking incredible.

Are there any Texan wrestlers who are BAD at punching?

TRIANGLE CHOKE~! JBL taps but it doesn’t matter. And I’m just now realising there is a referee. Why? Is he the only person who can call for the bell when the loser gets driven away? He doesn’t need to be there lol. In fact in the video package for the match, JBL claims there won’t be a referee. Oh well.

at Undertaker threatening one of the Spanish announcers with a monitor because he’s just sat at the table still when Undertaker clearly wants to put JBL through it .

That back body drops off the steps gets me every time. Looks brutal and has to be done perfectly because they don’t have the momentum of someone running the ropes to properly execute the move, so JBL could easily end up smashing the back of his head on the steps if it went wrong.

TOMEBSTONE ON THE STEEL STEPS~! Awesome. Tazz screaming at Undertaker not to do it because he’ll kill JBL is awesome too.

JBL is bleeding, so Undertaker targets the cut .

CHAIR SHOT TO UNDERTAKER~! Total desperation move from the champ.

CHOKESLAM FROM ONE ANNOUNCE TABLE THROUGH THE OTHER~!

The Dead Man picks up JBL and carries him up to the hearse! JBL is about to take his Last Ride!

HEIDENREICH~! He was in the back of the hearse all along! Chloroform~! Undertaker is out! The hearse starts to drive away… but Undertaker sits up and goes back after Heidenreich!!!

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL~!

JBL survives and retains his championship!!!

Heyman turns out to be the driver of the hearse, and sets it up so Heidenreich can drive a truck right into it with Undertaker still in the back!!! Crazy!

Awesome, awesome match. A brutal, vicious, bloody brawl between two awesome brawlers. Love it.

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 11.5

Vengeance 2004

 

Been about 6 weeks since I last did one of these rambles. Hope this has a couple of good matches so I’m not coming back to a shitty PPV .

 

The Coach & Garrison Cade Vs Tajiri & Rhyno

So the first match involves The Coach and Garrison Cade? Hopefully Tajiri and Rhyno can offset the awfulness lol.

Coach acts all cocky and decides to start the match off… so RHYNO gets in the ring with him, and Coach pretty much shats himself and begs Cade to tag in .

Slow start, then Cade gets angry and slaps Rhyno. He fucking SLAPS RHYNO. Methinks that may have been a mistake. Rhyno fucking unloads on poor Cade with huge rights to the face. Cade gets in a knee to the gut, and Rhyno staggers back for a moment, then screams and fires back with moar shots to the face .

TAJIRI TAGS IN . KICKS COACH ON THE APRON .

Heels gain control and Coach starts to work over TAJIRI. He’s mostly ok, I mean, all things considering, Coach is better than a lot of the current roster . Looks a little awkward doing certain moves but he’s far from bad.

Coach mocks Tajiri by bowing down, after slamming him to the mat… so Tajiri kicks him in the face when he’s bent over . Someone needs to make a super comp of nothing but Tajiri kicking people. I’d buy a 3 disc Bluray set of nothing but that!

HOT TAG~! Rhyno cleans house, then Tajiri makes a blind tag and ignores Cade, instead going right after Coach.

MIST TO CADE~! Tajiri was aiming for Coach but he moved.

GORE TO CADE~! Rhyno was aiming for Coach but he moved.

KICK TO COACH~! Coach couldn’t avoid that, and this is done.

Fun tag to start things off. TAJIRI. RHYNO. Hell, I’m becoming a bit of a Coach mark tbh lol. He was solid in the ring, lots of charisma, played a pretty good heel and got heat. What more do you want?

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Evolution are backstage. Everyone looks confused and worried about the Eugene situation, and demand answers from HHH. HHH has Eugene tagging with Flair tonight for the tag belts I think, lol. They end up arguing over whose turn it was to watch Eugene . Turns out Benoit is talking to Eugene, trying to explain that Evolution are using him. Christ, good luck explaining that to a retard .

 

Chris Jericho Vs Batista

Sweet jebus is this boring lol. Batista works the back of Jericho, and well, he just sits in a couple of different holds for 10 minutes until they pick up the pace going into a finish.

Lionsault is kinda botched lol. Jericho lands it but Batista was supposed to get his knees up… and he does… but Jericho still lands on Batista WHILE his knees are up… just not up where they can HIT Jericho .

Powerbomb. Jericho foot is on ropes. Ref doesn’t see. Match is over. I wasted 10 minutes on this. Wasn’t awful, just dull as fuck.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

MOAR Evolution backstage. Eugene walks in all upset after his conversation with Benoit. HHH uses the fact he heard their conversation to further manipulate him. HHH. Manipulating a retard. And he still ends up getting outsmarted .

HHH has a surprise for Eugene. It’s a Flair robe. at the look on Flair when he hands it over.

 

La Resistance Vs Ric Flair & Eugene – World Tag Team Championship Match

No way can I sit through this .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Kane Vs Matt Hardy – No DQ Match

Well this had potential to be a fun fight. Plus, LITA FAP FAP likely at ringside .

Oh man, the build up to this match . LITA IS CARRYING KANE’S BABY SO SHE CAN’T MARRY MATT HARDY . Someone was watching a soap before coming to work that week…

A year later and in real life, Lita and Matt would break up because she was slutting it up with Edge. HOW DID MATT NOT SEE THAT COMING AFTER THIS?!?! .

Hardy punches Kane and HE’S the one that falls down .

Hardy is wasting no time here anyway. Jumps Kane at the start, punches him over and over, then smashes him in the head with a monitor. Then Hardy ends up taking a pretty sweet bump off the announce table into the barricade . FUN BRAWL so far! Just what I was hoping for .

Kane puts a pretty good beating on Hardy, and Matt takes a few nasty looking bumps too. He’s always overshadowed by Jeff when it comes to being a risk taker in the ring, but Matt takes a bunch of nutty bumps and takes them well and deserves to be noticed.

Kane gets shit on every now and then, and I guess I can see why at times. Sometimes he’s good, sometimes he’s just not lol. But he also should be recognised for taking some of the shots he takes, mainly from weapons. The early shot to the face with the monitor looked full on, and Hardy just smashed him in the face with the ring bell and Kane didn’t look like he protected shit.

YEY LITA . She runs down (bouncy bouncy) to protect Matt from being mauled by Kane and the ring steps. Kane drops them because he doesn’t want to risk his baby getting hurt. He sends Lita out of the ring, grabs the steps again… and Hardy smashes a chair into them! Kane drops, the stairs drop on his head and MATT WINS!!

Yeah, fun brawl. hard hitting, some great shots from both men. I liked.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Randy Orton Vs Edge – Intercontinental Championship Match

Hmmm… this match has me interested. They’ve had some up and down chemistry over the years. Some shite matches, and some really good ones. This one is a match I remember being really good, but I also remember it having a bunch of HEADLOCK SPOTS. Interested to see how I feel about it today.

HUGE “let’s go Orton” chants. And he’s the heel . YOU SUCK, EDGE!

Oh look, they are both doing that criss-cross ropes run thing. For absolutely NO REASON. I hate that spot. Unless it’s part of a comedy routine in a match (which usually isn’t good either, but whatever), it just makes both guys look retarded. Wasting energy running up and down for no reason whatsoever. Morons.

Orton’s leaving! Yey!!!

Edge is bringing him back! Booo!!!

Ha, Orton is doing those clubs to the chest in the ropes that Sheamus does!

Orton applying a hold to Edge. Yep, applying a hold. Not sat in a rest hold! I miss the days when people would do that. You know, work a hold. He’s cranking on the arm and twisting Edge’s neck and looking like he’s actually trying to hurt the guy AND make him tap, rather than sitting there wasting time.

Orton takes one hell of a bump off a baseball slide, where he launches himself backwards and ends up smashing the side of his face into the side of the announce table. Edge is getting in some offence and putting Orton in trouble, and the fans are firmly behind Orton still .

SPEAR ATTEMPT~! COUNTERED WITH A KICK TO THE FACE~! HA~!

And now a “let’s go Edge” chant. MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MINDS DAMMIT!!!

Fucks sake lol, they’ve switched back to “let’s go Orton” . He plays it up well being a heel, telling them he doesn’t need their help, and goes back to mauling Edge’s neck.

Here comes the HEADLOCKS~! And man oh man they look WONDERFUL. Orton is WORKING them like a pro, and it makes perfect sense for him to use it too since he’s been targeting that neck of Edge. So happy that the headlocks hold up lol. I was worried that they’d end up like rest holds and my younger self was stupid. BUT I WASN’T SO HA.

Edge tried to rake Orton’s eyes to escape the headlock, but Orton manages to avoid it and BITES HIS FINGERS instead .

They do the old “3 arm drop and this is over” spot… and EDGE’S ARM DROPS THREE TIMES… but the match isn’t over. Because uhhh… he got it up after it dropped? Or because it dropped on Orton rather than the mat? I dunno lol.

Oh man, they have one hell of a finishing stretch. Some great near falls, without overusing bigger moves/finishers. In the end Edge picks up the win and is the new IC champ.

Man, I fucking enjoyed this. Orton looked tremendous in it, as he often did during this time. WORKING those headlocks makes me so inside lol. Edge was fine, he didn’t do anything bad, but Orton was the clear standout of the match for me. Held up extremely well!

Wow, just noticed that the match was over 25 minutes long! That fucking FLEW by. Awesome.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Victoria Vs Molly Holly – WWE Women’s Championship Match

NO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Chris Benoit Vs Triple H – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Oh man, the build up to this match. HHH is trying to win back the WHC with the help of a RETARD .

They start out trading basic wrestling holds; headlock takeovers etc, with HHH trying to show Benoit up, then Benoit coming back and doing the same thing to HHH but faster and better. So HHH decides to use his superior power to try and cancel out the superior wrestling ability of the champ. How does that turn out?

CROSSFACE~!

KNEE TO THE FACE~! And that allows HHH to begin his control segment. Love Benoit during HHH’s control segment a hell of a lot more than HHH lol. He bumps tremendously to make HHH’s offence look DEADLY, and I always enjoy how Benoit keeps fighting no matter what, always managing to get in some chops here and there at the very least, making HHH WORK for that control.

Hell even when Benoit starts mounting offence, he looks like he has to FIGHT for everything he gets. Something he likely brings out in people, because he does it to them so he expects it right back. One of the things that made Benoit so damn good. Say what you will about him, but the Mr Kennedy shoot interview is a great watch and him talking about Benoit in the ring is great to listen to as he talks about how Benoit works and always makes you fight for everything.

BRET HART TURNBUCKLE SPOT~! Love that spot. Bret did it wonderfully, and Benoit might have done it better than I’ve ever seen Bret do it here. TWICE. He just runs full on into the turnbuckle and screams in pain like it was the most brutal thing ever. And you can believe it hurt like fuck too because of the speed he went into the damn thing. A very simple but super effective spot.

After those two spots, HHH begins to work over the chest of Benoit, and I love how he sets up a vertical suplex, but switches it up and throws Benoit forward and down on his chest. Smart work, and great looking move too, once again because of how Benoit takes it and sells it.

We get some more of HHH applying holds to wear down Benoit, and Benoit does his awesome selling and constantly trying to fight back, and manages to lock in the same holds to HHH after escaping them, but never being able to do much with them because he’s too hurt to hold HHH in position. Good stuff!

SHARPSHOOTER~!

Maybe I’m looking too much into this whole thing lol (as I tend to do sometimes ), but I love the idea of Benoit trying to use the same holds as HHH to inflict punishment on him as he received, but because of his injury HHH would always counter… but the Sharpshooter allowed Benoit to basically just SIT on HHH and apply the pressure to hurt him and allow Benoit to recover a little and get back into this match.

Fuck me, that was a STUNNING looking suicide dive from Benoit. No surprise that he’s good at that, I guess .

REF BUMP~! HHH calls for Eugene to come out, but before HHH can get him to do anything, Benoit locks in the Crossface! He screams at Eugene to get the referee but Eugene is conflicted. HHH taps! Still no ref… and Eugene looks like he’s gonna get in the ring instead and help HHH… so Benoit DECKS HIM . Benoit is upset that he had to do it, and allows HHH to hit a low blow and Pedigree!

Eugene rolls the referee back in and… KICK OUT~! BENOIT KICKS OUT~!

STEEL CHAIR~! BUT EUGENE TRIES TO TAKE IT AWAY~! HHH KNOCKS DOWN EUGENE~!

Holy shit lol, Benoit just kinda runs into HHH and decks him in the face… with the chair in front of it . Almost like he clotheslined the chair into his face. Looked awesome.

Man, as great as this match has been, the finishing stretch is fucking me off . Eugene. Then Eugene. More Eugene. A steel chair. Evolution run in. Followed by Eugene and a chair. Well, sort of. He has the chair, then spends an hour trying to decide who to hit, before giving up. Benoit tries to fight him for the chair, and in the end Eugene accidentally smashes it in HHH’s face . Roll up, and Benoit retains lol.

Yeah, great match. HHH worked a smart match and Benoit looked like the greatest worker ever during it all. The Eugene stuff at the finish bothers me, mainly because they over used him. Instead of just coming down and doing the chair spot, they tease him doing shit for like 5 minutes in multiple situations and in the end you just want him to fuck off .

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 10

Bad Blood 2004

 

Jebus, save me from the boredom of the upcoming HIAC match.

Please .

 

La Resistance Vs Edge & Chris Benoit – World Tag Team Championship Match

Wait… didn’t I already watch this? Oh, that was Taboo Tuesday. Why is Benoit going for the tag titles?

I… can’t sit through this again.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Chris Jericho Vs Tyson Tomko

Wow, big match here. So big I’m not worthy of watching it.

WOW. Trish is wearing one hell of an outfit. FAP.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Orton cuts a promo backstage, hears the fans booing him, so he wanders out into the ring to bitch at them . Good stuff. Then Shelton (his opponent for later tonight) shows up and ruins it by trying to cut a promo himself. They end up having their IC title match NOW.

 

Randy Orton Vs Shelton Benjamin – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

So Orton is thrown off his game by having this match start early, allowing Benjamin to dictate the early going of the match, while the fans are BEHIND ORTON. LOL. Nice to see those wins over HHH helped Shelton .

HUGE MOTHERFUCKING POP FOR THE NATURE BOY~! Flair seemingly just decides to come down to ringside because… WOOOOOO! Orton is in control by this point too btw, so he ain’t there to help.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? I *think* Orton hit a European Uppercut… but Shelton apparently thought it was something else because it looked like he took a different move entirely .

ORTON WITH A BATISTA BOMB INTO A NECKBREAKER… WITHOUT BATISTA~! Always liked that move. Does he still do it? I don’t pay much attention to his matches these days and I don’t recall him doing it in the few I have seen recently .

HEADLOCK~!

FEELING SLEEPY~!

BORING~!

YAWN~!

Shelton’s comeback is pretty cool, he does an awesome EXPLODER SHOULDER TACKLE.

STINGER SPLASH~! T-BONE~! FLAIR PUTS ORTON’S FOOT ON THE ROPES~!

STINGER SPLASH TO FLAIR~! Ha, totally thought Shelton was gonna do a Sharpshooter aka Scorpion Death Lock too, but he did a Figure Four instead. No BLACK STING tonight . Wait… BLACK SCORPION? MIND. BLOWN.

CROSS BODY~! ORTON ROLLS THROUGH~! 3 COUNT~!

This was all good except for Orton boring the shit out of everyone with that fucking headlock.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Trish Stratus Vs Lita Vs Gail Kim Vs Victoria – WWE Women’s Championship Match

TRISH still in that FAP FAP outift.

LITA LOOKING ALL FAP.

Cannot be arsed with the match though .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

The Coach Vs Eugene

I…

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Chris Benoit Vs Kane – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Thank FUCK for this. Knowing what’s still to come in the main event, and the crap I’ve made sure to avoid so far, I’m looking forward to watching something GOOD.

How many people is Kane feuding with at this time btw? Matt Hardy was thrown out of the building earlier to make sure he didn’t interfere in this match. The build up for Eugene/Coach was mainly based around Coach getting Kane to attack Eugene. And of course there is this match too lol. KANE IS A FEUD SLUT~!

Kane attacked Benoit in the tag title match earlier, costing Benoit the possibility of being a double champion, and hurting him going into this match. So Benoit wants to FUCK KANE UP.

Love the story going into this match, revolving around the fact that most of Benoit’s offence WON’T WORK on Kane. We see it early on with Benoit trying to grab the arm and take Kane down, but Kane launches the champ across the ring instead.

“GET UP FLY BOY!” Benoit is FLY!!!

Benoit tries for a German, and Kane screams “NOOOO!!” then elbows Benoit in the face .

Sharpshooter attempt, but Kane powers out of it, then powers out of an attempted Crossface too! They are really working the story perfectly .

*sigh* for all the good stuff this match has, as usual it gets tainted a little by a damn REST HOLD. Hell even the commentators are so bored Lawler starts asking JR how Benoit lost his tooth. JR doesn’t know. I do . His dog headbutted him.

Once they get out of the rest spot crap, we can get back to stuff. In fact the FIRST THING Benoit does after escaping the hold is try to single leg takedown Kane, but Kane blocks it and knocks Benoit down, keeping in with the story of the match!

Going face first into the ring post gives the Crippler a chance to wear down the BIG RED MONSTER, with a bunch of shots to the knee of the big man! Attempted Sharpshooter once more, but Kane is STILL able to power out! MOAR leg work, including Kane getting caught up in the ropes, and Benoit FINALLY locks in the submission!!! Nice pay off to something they’ve been building all match, but remember, this ISN’T Benoit’s main submission finisher.

GERMANS~! Another example of how Benoit has finally worn down Kane enough to start hitting his offence, the same offence that Kane said Benoit couldn’t use on him!!!

But Kane is still pretty damn UNSTOPPABLE. Even after the triple German suplexes, he sits up before Benoit can climb the ropes for a headbutt! ANOTHER 3 GERMAN’S~! HEADBUTT~! KANE IS DOWN! KANE IS DOWN!!!

NO!!! KANE SITS UP AGAIN!!!

Benoit cannot fucking believe it, so it’s time to bring out the BIG stuff. Crossface… no! Kane is still able to power out! CHOKESLAM~!

1~!

2~!

BENOIT KICKS OUT!!! HOLY FUCK .

Now it’s KANE’S turn to be shocked.

FLYING CLOTHESLINE… COUNTERED INTO A CROSSFACE~! Beautiful! Benoit was still unable to take Kane down and lock it in normally, so he used one of Kane’s own signature moves against him!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT~! KANE POWERS OUT OF IT AGAIN!!!

Benoit keeps hold of Kane, and rolls him up instead! 3 count!!! Benoit wins!!! Still the champ!!!

Dull rest hold aside, this rules . But you already knew that . I know I did. Might watch their Raw rematch to see which I prefer. Always remember it being just as good.

Kane’s best match? Well… I’m still partial to his WM 14 match with Taker, but this is right up there too.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Triple H Vs Shawn Michaels – Hell in a Cell Match

HHH claims he’s never lost a HIAC match. I guess he just didn’t win the 6 man from 2000, right?

Oh god look at how long is left on this show. Who the FUCK watched their previous PPV matches from 02 to now and thought “Hey, I know, let’s give them FIFTY FUCKING MINUTES! IT’LL BE GREAT!”? Some retard that’s for sure.

With video package and entrances, this is an HOUR. An hour of TRIPLE H. Vs HBK. Well, I guess now I will finally know the answer to the question “which is worse? HBK/Bret Iron Man or HHH/HBK HIAC?”. Yey.

Urgh, very SLOW AND SLUGGISH brawling to start things off. Benoit/Kane match started with more HATE~! than this. I mean fuck, I swear these guys are in slow motion. In fact, that might explain why this match is so long! It’s ACTUALLY only 25 minutes long, but it’s running at half speed! Wow… even 25 minutes sounds awful though .

Yey methodical back work inside HIAC. Just what the fans wanted…

I’m about 15 minutes into this thing and bored shitless.

OMG WAIT PILEDRIVER ON THE STEEL STEPS .

FUCKING HELL. HHH COUNTERED IT. FUCK YOU HUNTER.

2 SHOTS TO THE HEAD WITH THE STEEL STEPS~! HBK IS FUCKED!

HHH makes the cover and… DAMMIT HBK KICKED OUT.

WHY WON’T THIS END?

Bunch of chair shorts while they both fall down and sleep in between them. BECAUSE THIS IS EPIC.

And now a ladder. Because it makes sense to waste time getting out a ladder which is awkward to use rather than just stick with the steel chair…

ELBOW DROP OFF THE LADDER THROUGH A TAble… bah I cant even pretend to be excited by this. I’m starting to go into a trance brought on by sheer boredom.

Shawn just kicked out of something. The fans went crazy so I assume it was something big. I have no idea. I’m WATCHING the screen but not really seeing it.

Rated R Souper Kick.

Pedigree Chum.

I think the match is finally over. Both guys aren’t moving so I assume one won and is now resting while the other is beaten and also resti… oh wait no. They just decided to nap in the middle of the ring.

Shawn eats some more Pedigree Chum. He doesn’t like it though and HHH wins.

I think I’m blind.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 4

Taboo Tuesday 2004

 

Ahh, another new PPV added to the schedule in 2004. This time it’s on the Raw side of things, and rather than being a WCW event brought back from the dead.. it’s a new show. On a TUESDAY. Based around people voting for matches and stipulations on the interwebs! For what it’s worth, I liked the concept.

 

We start the show deciding what slutty outfits the divas should wear later tonight . Naughty Nurses, French Maids or School Girls? School Girls win.

 

Chris Jericho Vs Shelton Benjamin – Intercontinental Championship Match

So if I am remembering correctly, Jericho genuinely didn’t know who his opponent was until it was announced, and was told by the referee what the outcome would after the voting results were announced, and Jericho had to ask the referee what Shelton’s finisher was .

Shelton was the fan favourite in the audience, and the voting online was the same! Shelton got 37% of the votes… out of 15 people! Not bad!!!

ARM DRAG~!

ARM DRAG~!

ARM DRAG~!

ENZIGURI~! THIS ONE IS OVER!!!! WHAT? NO? SHELTON KICKED OUT? ISN’T THAT JERICHO’S FINISHER? Oh, no, it’s just the shitty way they ended that handicap match with Christian and Trish Vs Jericho…

Jericho is working over the back of Shelton, with some nice FOOTBALL kicks (or soccer for you ‘MURICANS) and a backbreaker where he keeps Shelton on his knee and bends him as well as clubs his mid-section for extra effect.

Aaaaand then Shelton hits a superplex.

Jericho MISSES A PUNCH.

BULLDOG~!

MISSED LIONSAULT~!

FLYING CLOTHESLINE~! JERICHO KICKS OUT~! WHAT? ISN’T THAT SHELTON’S FINISHER? Oh, no, it’s just the shitty way they ended the Flair Vs Shelton match…

LIONSAULT CONNECTS~! Shelton kicks out though. No biggie.

Wait… isn’ THAT Jericho’s finisher? IT IS. And Shelton kicked out of it. And nobody cares.

T-BONE~! SHELTON WINS THE IC TITLE~!

Well this match is…ok. Absolutely nothing special, but a nice little match.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Promos from Edge, Benoit and HBK as they try to get the fans to vote for them into the WHC match later tonight. Edge is angry and after beating HBK and Benoit the night before believes he deserves this shot. Benoit cuts a GOOD PROMO. And HBK tells us he’s injured (which he was).

 

Aaaaand the winner is… HBK. Urgh. HHH Vs HBK. Fuck that shit. I’M VERY DISAPPOINTED IN EVERYONE WHO VOTED. Edge walks away pissed off.

 

Trish Stratus Vs Stacy Keibler Vs Jazz Vs Molly Holly Vs Victoria Vs Nidia Vs Gail Kim – WWE Women’s Championship School Girl Outfit Fulfil Your Fantasy Battle Royal

FAP FAP FAAAAAP Trish looks AMAZING.

Lawler says he wants to go all the way back to kindergarten .

Jazz makes me wanna throw up.

FAP FAP Gail Kim looks great too.

FAP FAP STACY KIEBLER.

And now the entrances are done with… SKIP!

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Kane Vs Gene Snitsky – Weapon of Choice Match

this fucking angle. On the surface it was… disturbing, sick and offence. Yet somehow they made it funny .

IT WASN’T MY FAULT~! Snitsky punting a baby into the crowd will always be .

THE ONLY THING DEAD AROUND HERE KANE, IS YOUR BABY~!

The CHAIN is voted as the weapon!

LITA FAP FAP at ringside too.

LOL at the referee just dropping the chain in the middle of them leaving them to fight over it .

And then… Kane throws it out of the ring. Because… PUNCHES TO THE FACE~!

Oooook… after punching him in the face for about 20 seconds Kane goes outside and grabs the chain. WHY DIDN’T YOU USE IT TO START WITH?!

PUNCH TO THE FACE WITH THE CHAIN~! That beat UNDERTAKER in the chain match in 03 with Lesnar. Here, Snitsky just sells it like a normal punch .

Snitsky starts whipping Kane with the chain and I’m fairly certain the chain catches Kane in the balls at one point . SNITSKY KILLED THE CHANCE OF ANY MORE KANE BABIES!!!

LITA WANTS SNITSKY TO GO DOWN~!

Plenty of stuff in this match to satisfy people who like to see 2 big bastards beat each other… uhhh maybe I should rephrase that. Later.

DOUBLE BIG BOOT SPOT~! I’m a fan of that spot. Should happen more. Fuck the double clothesline crap.

Snitsky… brings in a steel chair and smashes it in Kane’s throat. And doesn’t get DQ’d. Because… uhhh…

After a few hard shots to the throat of Kane, Snitsky gets the chain again? Kane tries to fight back and Snitsky just fucking MAULS him with shots to the face!!!

CHAIR AROUND THE THROAT OF KANE~! SNITSKY JUMPS OFF THE ROPES ONTO IT~! KANE IS BLEEDING FROM THE MOUTH~! THE REFEREE STOPS THE MATCH~! UHHHH OR NOT~! SNITSKY PINS KANE~!

MOST of this is really good. Some dumb moments, like how Snitsky was allowed to use a chair even though the only weapon allowed was the CHAIN, but overall this is a fun big man brawl!

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Eric Bischoff Vs Eugene – Choose the Loser’s Fate Match

The loser becomes the winner’s servant or has to wear a dress for a month OR gets their head shaved. But we don’t get the results until AFTER the match. Which I’m skipping straight to .

Bischoff has to shave his head. Vince McMahon ends up coming out to make sure it happens, then randomly makes Coach put in the dress.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

La Resistance Vs Chris Benoit & Edge – World Tag Team Championship Match

So since Benoit and Edge lost a shot at the WHC… they get to face the tag champs instead lol. Normally I’d NO a Lad Resistance match, but it’s BENOIT. Plus Edge is all crazy and this might be good storyline/angle wise.

Match is average really, because La Resistance suck . One of them even manages to fuck up a FLAP JACK. Not the first time that’s happened to someone with Benoit though . At least we go get the nice storyline/character element in the match with Edge being pissed off and also distracted at the same time. At one point Benoit has to grab Edge on the outside and tell him to get back into the match because he’s too busy arguing with fans who likely voted for HBK to be in the main event over him lol.

Oh my god how long does this last? Even Edge gets fed up and fucks off lol.

Benoit beats the tag champs and wins the titles on his own.

Match lasts too long as is dull as fuck for 90% of it.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Christy Hemme Vs Carmella – Lingerie Pillow Fight

So Carmella was the runner up for that diva search crap, and was kept around for a while apparently.

Christy is FAP.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Triple H Vs Shawn Michaels – World Heavyweight Championship Match

What? OH THANK FUCK. Almost had a heart attack when I saw 50 minutes left on the show and thought THIS was the main event. Still got Orton/Flair to go. Phew. Bad enough I gotta sit through this garbage, never mind another 50 minute match between the two. Still got Bad Blood to go though .

So HBK was willing to wrestle a title match on a PPV with his injured leg but wouldn’t even bother with a tag match at a live event I was at in Sheffield? WHAT A SELFISH PRICK .

Ok, the bell rings and… oooo Marvel: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D is on tonight . No Person of Interest though. Fucks sake America, is it REALLY that hard to have a show run for a full season without having random weeks off ALL THE FUCKING TIME?

Anyway, the match has starts and HHH wants to go for the leg so HBK is fighting him off to save his… leg. Duh. FFS Shawn. He just want for a KICK with the injured leg. HHH caught it and now HBK is fucked. Serves him right for being so damn STUPID.

So this match isn’t BAD. It’s not their typical match because they aren’t trying to have some ***** classic epic ZOMGLEBOB match. This time HBK has the bad leg so it’s just HHH trying to maul the bad like and HBK trying to fight back. And it works. HBK does some dumb shit with the bad leg every now and then, but nothing that makes me wanna call this a horrible steaming pile of shit match lol.

HBK makes the best comeback he can make on one leg, Batista shows up, fails to cause a distraction and HHH gets SUPERKICKED TO HELL. Then EDGE shows up, Spears HBK, and HHH wins.

Like I said, this ain’t bad. It’s also nothing THAT special. Just a solid match… which is still one of their better matches together .

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Mr Kennedy sighting backstage.

 

Randy Orton Vs Ric Flair – Steel Cage Match

Orton won the WHC and Evolution kicked him out, then HHH won the title from him. Now Flair wants Orton because… HHH beating him and taking the title from him wasn’t enough? Bah who cares, OLD MAN FLAIR IN A CAGE .

Lawler makes the comment that Flair has probably had more cage matches than Orton has had matches… and when I thought about it… it could actually be true . Orton has only really been wrestling for what, 3 years at this point? Flair would have a cage match with someone at a big event back in the 70’s and 80’s… then do it about 30 more times on house shows around the country. And he did it with more than one opponent over the years too. Then add up actual TV and PPV cage matches with the NWA/Mid-Atlantic, WCW and WWF back in the day, including WAR GAMES too and DAMN, you got a LOT of fucking cage matches!!!

Both guys start off trying to kill each other with punches and chops . Flair with a LOW BLOW right in front of the referee because, fuck it, CAGE MATCH . Then he sends Orton into the side of the cage a bunch of times and Orton is BLEEDING . FLAIR MAULING A BLOODIED ORTON INSIDE A CAGE . FLAIR’S FIST IS COVERED IN ORTON’S BLOOD FROM PUNCHING HIS HEAD .

NOW FLAIR IS BLEEDING~! Once Flair sees his own blood he tries to climb out of the cage, so Orton pulls down his pants and exposes Flair’s arse… something I’ve seen far too much as a wrestling fan .

Orton is pummelling Flair, so Flair has to go back to the LOW BLOW~!

HATE~! Plenty of that here . No fancy bullshit, just both guys bleeding and punching each other in the fucking FACE. Couldn’t have asked for much more tbh.

BRASS KNUCKS~! Orton is KNOCKED OUT!!! But still manages to KICK OUT!!!

“OHHH GOD, OH MY LEG GOD DAMMIT!!!” Flair rules . He manages to grab a chair while attempting to escape, but misses and Orton hits a fucking sweeeeeeet RKO for the win!!!

Yeah this was good shit. They just beat the FUCK out of each other. They both bled. It was exactly what it SHOULD have been. And this is still only the second best cage match Flair would have at Taboo Tuesday!!!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 4

The Great American Bash 2004

 

A new PPV added to the WWE schedule! And it was met with… uhhh… not so great reception due to how terrible the event was. Or at least how it’s remembered. BUT is it that awful? Eddie/JBL doesn’t scream “awful” to me. Not after their JD CLASSIC. But the rest of the card? We’ll see…

 

John Cena Vs Rene Dupree Vs RVD Vs Booker T – WWE United States Championship Match

Fuck me look at the LACK OF TALENT in this match . Seriously, outside of a very small handful of matches, Cena sucked around this time. Dupree? Don’t make me laugh. RVD? Could be good but overall not my thing. And Booker T? fuck off.

Well even if I WANTED to sit through this, the file I have to watch it on just crapped out during Cena’s attempted rap.

Ok, 2 days later and I’ve got the NETWORK version of the show. Also…

NO .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Charlie Hass Vs Luther Reigns

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Rey Mysterio Vs Chavo Guerrero – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

*sigh* a fucking Chavo match. Their NWO match used to be one of the few Chavo matches I liked. On last watch it wasn’t good. This is usually considered his best… fuck knows what I’ll end up thinking of it now .

the referee gets a 2 count from THIS:

WELL DONE MINI FLAIR. I don’t blame him though, I’d have counted too in hopes of ending this match and not having to sit through CHAVO any more .

Rey starts kicking Chavo’s legs and it allows him to build momentum… so he then switches up and goes after the arm. Despite the fact he was just working over the leg. WHAT?

Chavo DROPKICKS Rey off the ropes to the floor. LOL, of course it was a dropkick…

So Chavo is building momentum and… goes after Rey’s legs! Cuts 99% of Rey’s offence if he can’t walk so it’s smart, plus knee surgeries and shit too. Plus Chavo probably remembered how much his leg was bothering him a few minutes earlier when Rey went after it… before moving to the arm for NO REASON.

Fuck me I’m bitching at REY in a CHAVO match. Hold on, need to see if hell froze over…

Yep. Cold as fuck down there.

COLE CONFUSED A BULLDOG WITH A DDT.

Chavo actually looks… some what kinda barely sorta a little bit not so terribly shite in this! His attack to Rey’s legs is pretty gosh darn awesome, plenty of varied offence thrown in too. And Rey, well he’s Rey. Great selling, wonderful hope spots, and all round goodness.

They battle on the top rope at one point and meh, it’s pretty shitty tbh. They were positioned as if they were gonna do a superplex to the floor rather than in the ring, then grabbed hold of each other’s head and jumped into the ring and smashed each other face first and it looked sooo fucking FAKE lol.

Rey does well selling his leg while still being able to get some of his usual offence in. He holds his leg while trying to run, then when he does bounce off the ropes and hits something he tends to roll away from Chavo and hold the leg again rather than follow up or even make a cover.

GORY BOMB~!

Chavo actually still selling his ARM at this point too btw. Rey didn’t do much to it earlier in the match, but Chavo did ram it into the ring post at one point during a Rey hope spot, so nice of him to still show that it’s bothering him at points when it makes sense to.

I keep complimenting Chavo. I FEEL SO DIRTY.

WEST COAST POP COUNTERED INTO A SINGLE LEG BOSTON CRAB~!

Rey holds on for a good while, then finally makes it to the ropes and the fans are on fucking FIRE for it!!!

Another Gory Bomb attempt, but Rey counters into a sunset flip and gets the 3!!! CHAVO LOSES!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Great match! Thank FUCK this ended up being great! Would hate to think I’d sat through a Chavo match for it to be shitty. Best Chavo singles match? Can’t think of anything better atm.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Kenso Susuki Vs Billy Gunn

this is a fucking PPV match?

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

PAUL HEYMAN . HE’S GOT PAUL BEARER TIED UP~!

 

Sable Vs Torrie Wilson

FAP

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Mordecai Vs Hardcore Holly

Holly goes right after Mordecai and beats the FUCK out of him lol. The on the outside Mordecai throws Holly into his cross thingy and follows up with a vicious clothesline on the floor.

Still makes me that this guy was supposed to be built as a big opponent for Undertaker. Seeing him again makes me wonder why people liked his gimmick. He just comes out in a white robe with a cross and… uhhh… that’s about it really. His in ring work? Nothing horrible, but nothing amazing either. Decentish brawler, but oh look, REST HOLDS.

at the spot where they bump heads .

Nice little finishing stretch from these two, as they both hit some nice high impact moves and take turns at kicking out of shit. Enjoyed the actual finish too, Mordecai turning an Alabama Slam into a RAZOR’S EDGE.

This was a fine little match tbh. Needed less rest holds from Mordecai, but they didn’t last long at least.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs JBL – WWE Championship Texas Bull Rope Match

their JD match was fucking INCREDIBLE and I have high hopes for this too. On previous watches its not been as good as JD, but still a great match so hopefully it holds up .

Tony Chimmel reading the rules of the match makes me wanna shoot myself lol. He’s reading off a fucking card and STILL fucks up .

the rope comes off Eddie within about a minute .

Match really starts off awkward. Ropes comes off Eddie’s arm, Eddie gets caught up in the rope a couple of times, and it has the makings of being a MESS of a match. BUT it quickly switches from awkward to good . Mainly because they start trying to wrestle a normal match for the most part without using the rope to strangle each other and shit lol.

JBL’s punches .

JBL just dropping to the floor so Eddie can barely move him when he tries to touch the corners and win .

COW BELL TO THE HEAD~!

Tree of woe in the corner, then JBL uses the rope to choke the hell out of Eddie! BRUTAL~!

JBL tries to fucking POWERBOMB Eddie from one announce table to the other, but Eddie slides away, wraps the rope around JBL’s leg and trips him up, causing Bradshaw to fall back first onto the table!

COW BELL TO THE HEAD~!

Eddie using the rope to his advantage, sending JBL into the ring post multiple times!!!

shades of JD with the SICK chair shot… only this time it’s EDDIE nailing JBL in the face! Eddie has a sweeeeet smile on his face afterwards, and JBL is BLEEDING .

Another chair shot to JBL!!! Eddie touches 3 corners, but again JBL drops down to make it harder on Eddie, and even wraps his legs around the ring ropes to prevent Eddie from hitting number 4!

Eddie tries again, and makes it to 3 once more, but JBL desperately grabs hold of the ring ropes to keep Eddie from victory.

JBL’s power gets him back in control, mainly thanks to those big right hands. Eddie tries to use his SPEED to hit all 4 corners before JBL can really know what’s happening, but again JBL uses his power to stop Eddie.

FROG SPLASH~!

Again Eddie gets 3, and this time JBL rolls OUTSIDE of the ring and just collapses on the floor, with the rope not being long enough for Eddie to reach the last corner!

COW BELL TO THE HEAD~!

JBL LAUNCHES EDDIE OFF THE APRON ONTO THE ANNOUNCE TABLE USING THE ROPE AROUND HIS NECK!!! THE TABLE DOESN’T BREAK~!

POWERBOMB THROUGH THE FUCKING TABLE~! It broke that time!!!

JBL gets Eddie back into the ring. He’s bleeding, but has a HUGE smile on his face because he thinks he has this match WON now. Just like Eddie, he gets 3 corners and EDDIE drops to the mat and grabs the ropes, just as JBL did multiple times in the match!

COW BELL TO THE HEAD~!

EDDIE FIRES UP~!

Eddie starts touching corners, but JBL does it right after him for each one too! Both have 3 (though the first light for JBL doesn’t work ), and now it’s a battle for #4!!!

Guerrero dives into the corner and hits the turnbuckle and retains his title! EDDIE WINS! EDDIE WINS!

Wait! Angle shows up, and explains that JBL is in fact the winner!!! What?!?! We get a replay, and it shows us JBL hitting the corner FIRST!

HOLY SHIT WE HAVE A NEW WWE CHAMPION! JBL IS THE NEW WWE CHAMPION!! BOOOOOOO!

Absolutely HATED the decision for this lol. Hated JBL at the time and wanted Eddie to hold the belt for a long arse time. Looking back I STILL want Eddie to win, but I’ve grown to love JBL too.

Match is great. Starts off a mess, but they quickly get into their groove and work within the limitations of a Bull Rope match to give us something DAMN FUCKING GOOD.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

The Undertaker Vs The Dudley Boys – Concrete Crypt Match

For all the hate this entire angle gets, I kinda like it. Heyman motivates The Dudley Boys and they team up. Dudleys kidnap Paul Bearer to gain control of THE URN and force Undertaker to join them. And if he doesn’t do what they want, they’ll hurt Bearer. And then we get to this match. If Undertaker doesn’t DO THE RIGHT THING aka PUT OVER THE DUDLEY BOYS, then Heyman is going to KILL Paul Bearer by pouring concrete into a crypt which Paul Bearer will be locked inside!!!

Absolutely CRAZY concept yes, but the MATCH is what counts, not the insane potential murder after the match .

To help motivate Undertaker before the match, Heyman pours some concrete into the crypt to cover Bearer’s feet! Bubba then gets in Undertaker’s face and tells him to LAY DOWN. The Dead Man is conflicted, looking over at Bearer constantly, then finally ACTUALLY LAYING DOWN!!!

Bubba goes for a cover, but Undertaker grabs him by the throat!!! Then Devon runs in and gets caught too, but Heyman distracts him and the Dudley’s begin to beat down the Dead Man for daring to defy them!!!

UNDERTAKER is fucking PISSED though and takes it to both of the tag team champs! OLD SCHOOL~! But before he can jump off the ropes, Heyman screams BAD DOG at him and pours more concrete into the crypt!!! Now Bearer is covered in concrete up to his tits!!!

Dudley Boys keep trying to beat down Undertaker but he can’t stay down and let 2 men beat him up so he continues to fight back, and Heyman pulls the lever again and intends to END Bearer for good!!! However Bubba pulls it back up and tells Heyman that he and Devon are gonna get the job done themselves!!!

The distraction from Heyman and Bearer, along with the numbers game, finally catches up to the Dead Man and now he’s in the fight of his life. Or Bearer’s life, anyway .

UNDERTAKER COMEBACK~!

LOW BLOW~!

Heyman thinks the Dudleys are back in full control and comes to ringside, only for Undertaker to sit up right in front of him! CHOKESLAM TO BUBBA! TOMBSTONE TO DEVON! UNDERTAKER WINS!!!

Heyman ain’t happy. Undertaker didn’t DO THE RIGHT THING, so he has to kill the one person Undertaker cares about! LIGHTING BOLT!!! Undertaker shoots a lightning bolt to prevent Heyman from pulling the lever!

The Dead Man goes after Heyman… then looks over at Bearer…

“PAUL. I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE. REST. IN. PEACE.”

UNDERTAKER PULLS THE LEVER!!! UNDERTAKER KILLS PAUL BEARER!!! WHAT?!?!?!!?!?!??!

I’ve heard people complain about this or be confused as fuck about this… which confuses me because IT AIN’T ROCKET SCIENCE YOU DUMB CUNTS. For weeks, Dudleys and Heyman were able to CONTROL The Undertaker through Paul Bearer. They made it perfectly clear to the world that Bearer is the only person Undertaker cares about. So when the time came for Undertaker to save his friend or kill him off… Undertaker decided to kill him off because HE WAS HIS ONE WEAKNESS. Even if Undertaker saved him, what would stop the next guy from trying to pull the same stunt? How many other people would come after Bearer to control Undertaker? Undertaker DID THE RIGHT THING.

In ring action ain’t THAT good really, gets dull with the Dudleys working over Undertaker, but the angle for the match and the stuff with Heyman makes up for that imo. I like this, and while it isn’t anything special, it’s certainly NOT BAD AT ALL.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 6.5

Backlash 2004

 

WM main event rematch! Hardcore match! And… nothing else I remember!

 

Shelton Benjamin Vs Ric Flair

This is during Benjamin’s first big singles push where he beat TRIPLE H TWO WEEKS IN A ROW.

FLAIR WAS WINNING TITLES THE SAME YEAR BENJAMIN WAS BORN. Dayum lol. Flair is OLD. And still more awesome than 90% of the wrestling world.

So the early going of this is Flair trying to show Shelton up because he’s a newb and Flair is GOD, but Shelton has the amateur wrestling ability, youth and athleticism on his side allowing him to constantly show up Flair.

If simply being a VETERAN isn’t enough to put Flair in control… then maybe some DIRTY TACTICS will! THUMB TO THE EYE~! And the fans are eating it all up. MUCH LOVE FOR THE NATURE BOY IN CANADA!

Match structure definitely reminds me of an old school Flair main event match. He’s fighting from underneath as he lets his opponent show him up and out shine him early on, then one mistake later and Flair is working over the leg. This could have been a pretty sweet title match back in the day. Shelton in STING’S position? Yes please. Aaaaand now I want Shelton Vs Vader lol.

Fuck me, Lawler brought up that Flair was gonna take Shelton to school here tonight… and I’ll be damned if BOTH Lawler and JR don’t run that whole analogy into the fucking GROUND lol. Especially when Flair grabs a chair. Sweet jebus .

Ouch, Flair does his over the turnbuckle spot… then slips off the apron. Surprised he didn’t hurt his leg there.

BRASS KNUCKS~! But Shelton hits a Stinger Splash and knocks them off. Flying clothesline… and this is over with. Lol. Wait… Stinger Splash? SHELTON REALLY SHOULD HAVE TAKEN STING’S SPOT!!!

Match started off fun… then half way into it, it just fell apart and the finish ended up being really FLAT. Shame because this was looking to be good at one point.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Orton promo. Says he’s the longest reigning IC champ in SEVEN YEARS. Wait… hasn’t he only held the title for 5 months? DAMN lol. Good promo by Orton. I miss this Orton . COME BACK GOOD ORTON.

 

The Coach Vs Tajiri

ARM DRAG BY COACH~! KICK BY TAJIRI~!

Coach runs away after getting kicked a few times, then Tajiri misses a kick and ends up cracking his leg on the ring post! Love how Coach looked too confused to capitalise on it straight away, playing into the REAL fact that he’s not a wrestler. Or at least he wasn’t until tonight. SOMEONE GONE TRAINED THE COACH!

Tajiri kicking out of a leg submission on the mat .

Crowd are kinda stunned + bored + WTF for all of this .

Tajiri sells the leg well and KICKS~! awesome when he’s making his comeback. Coach does surprisingly well, and GETS THE WIN… after Garrison Cade decks Tajiri in the face.

This ain’t awful!

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Chris Jericho Vs Christian & Trish Stratus

So what did we learn from this feud? TRISH LIKES IT ROUGH.

Also, that there must have been a time where Vince didn’t HATE Christian. He beat JERICHO at WRESTLEMANIA XX. Pretty fecking huge tbh lol. And then a year and a half later, Christian leaves for TNA because WWE don’t seem to want him .

“HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT TRISH STRATUS AND NOT HAVE HARD FEELINGS?”

Oh man at the start of this . Jericho decks Christian, leaving Trish all alone, so he just SMILES at her and she runs like fuck to get away .

at Trish’s reaction when Jericho knocks her off the apron.

TRISH GETS TAGGED IN~! CHICK KICK TO JERICHO~!

ACCIDENTAL HEADBUTT TO CHRISTIAN’S BALLS~!

TRISH GETS SPANKED~!

FUCK ME at Christian’s bump from the bulldog!

Might I just say at this point, that this match has been rather dull and uneventful outside of the spots I’ve mentioned in CAPS. A massive step down from their incredible WM match.

Match ends… with an enzeguri.

BOOOORING and crappy. Shocked and disappointed.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Eugene backstage looking at a divas magazine, then walking into the divas locker room and seeing Gail Kim in her underwear. And Molly Holly without her wig. Regal is awesome though .

 

Victoria Vs Lita – WWE Women’s Championship Match

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP NO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Randy Orton Vs Mick Foley – WWE Intercontinental Championship No Holds Barred Match

Orton has considered this one of his best matches ever, and Foley to my knowledge still considers this his absolute best, beating out the Mind Games match with HBK. Never thought THAT highly of it myself, but it’s still been a match I thought was fucking great. As long as it holds up I’ll be happy happy happy.

Love the chaotic start to this one, with Foley going after Orton with BARBIE, and Orton avoiding it at all costs. We have a camera man getting dizzy trying to keep up which adds to the whole experience, then he even falls over which is awesome too lol.

TRASH CAN TO THE HEAD~! Foley’s brain cells are going… going… GONE!

Damn, Foley is IN SHAPE here! He looks better than he did for… well… his entire WWF/E career lol. I know that after his disappointment at WM, he really got into shape for this, but I forgot how THIN the guy looked lol.

BACK SUPLEX ON THE STEEL RAMPWAY. Foley’s head CRACKS. Ouch!

ANOTHER back bump on the rampway by Foley. It’s almost like he HATES his own brain cells lol!

MR SOCKO~! Hmmm… seems out of place in this kind of match though. What to do… what to do… GIVE MR SOCKO BARBIE~! RIGHT TO THE FACE OF RANDY ORTON~! RANDY ORTON IS BLEEDING!!!

Foley throwing punches to the open wound . Is it weird that I always for that kind of stuff?

Orton is bleeding and keeps getting his face torn apart by barbed wire. So Foley gives him a break… and legdrops Barbie into his testicles!

FIRE~! FOLEY HAS GASOLINE AND A LIGHTER~! HE’S GONNA SET BARBIE ON FIRE~!

Aaaaaand then Bischoff comes out and stops him, saying the PPV would get shut down if he does. So like, was the fire a planned spot but they later found out they couldn’t do it so they did that? Or did they just plan the “can’t do it” spot? Either way it seemed… pointless.

Well, if fire can’t be used, might as well up the usage of BARED WIRE, with a big wooden board COVERED in the stuff!!!

ORTON JUST THREW TESTICLE DUST IN FOLEY’S FACE~! Seriously… where the FUCK did that come from?

BODY SLAM ONTO THE BARBED WIRE BOARD~! Foley starting to get a taste of his own medicine. And it tastes metallic and possibly bloody.

Fuck me sideways they REALLY fucking teased Orton going into the barbed wire board lol. I mean, they did it before when Orton threw the TESTICLE DUST to escape, but those Irish Whip reversals were DAMN CLOSE lol. I’ve seen this fucking match before and I STILL thought he was going into it .

THUMBTACKS~! Orton signalling for an RKO… BUT FOLEY REVERSES~!

ORTON BACK FIRST INTO THE FUCKING THUMBTACKS~! Orton’s reaction is fucking HILARIOUSLY AWESOME .

Randy runs the FUCK AWAY because, who the hell wouldn’t? Up to the rampway and… ORTON GETS THROWN OFF THE RAMP THROUGH SOME WOODEN STAGE CONVENIENTLY SET UP THERE~!

Foley is jealous that Orton got to have so much fun, so he decides to ELBOW DROP off the stage . FUN~!

Fucking hell the camera angle for the elbow drop makes me CRINGE every time, because there is a bit of wood that’s now a VERY SHARP POINTY THING and Foley’s head comes dangerously fucking close lol.

ORTON STILL KICKS OUT~! Crazy to think that Foley MADE TWO MEMBERS OF EVOLUTION with crazy hardcore style matches. And he did it with HHH TWICE, once as a mid-carder when HHH was moving away from the rich snob gimmick and again as a full blown main eventer. FOLEY IS GOD.

Back in the ring and… MR SOCKO IS BACK~! MANDIBLE CLAW~!

EUROPEAN UPPERCUT TO ESCAPE~!

RIGHT BACK INTO A MANDIBLE CLAW~!

COUNTERED INTO AN RKO~!

poor ref did a 2 count in thumbtacks. Bet he’s glad the match didn’t end there.

RKO ON BARBIE~! ORTON WINS!!!

Match is still fucking great, but I still don’t think as highly of it as most people. Prefer the WM 22 match with Foley/Edge as far as post Foley retirement hardcore matches go. Still, this really helped MAKE Orton and showed that he was more than just a pretty boy 3rd generation wrestler.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

La Resistance Vs The Hurricane & Rosey

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha no.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Kane Vs Edge

Remember when Edge returned after being out for over a year… then broke his hand straight away .

Kane targets the broken hand . Kane punches the broken hand that’s still in a cast then sells his own hand .

Edge is back in Canada and the fans don’t give a SHIT. LOL. Edge does absolutely NOTHING for a good while though. Punches Kane a bunch of times at the start of the match because… I dunno, he’s returned as a brawler now? Either way he’s been a steaming pile of what I’ll produce a little later on in the toilet after eating a Sunday dinner .

at Lawler’s call for Edge’s “Edgecution” aka the lifting DDT he was using AS A FINISHER before he got injured “that’s something there…”.

Cast to Kane, followed by a Spear and this is over. Short and shit.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Chris Benoit Vs Triple H Vs Shawn Michaels – World Heavyweight Championship Match

WM rematch! I’ve never been able to sit through this in full in YEARS. It’s kinda like Rock/Jericho from the 02 RR… regardless of how good it is (or could be, fuck knows what I think to it these days lol), it just PUTS ME TO SLEEP. I managed to overcome my sleep issues with Rock/Jericho and enjoyed that match. Is today the day I finally watch this in full? I hope so, wanna get this out of the way lol.

Match starts off fun and full of energy. Crowd finally give a shit about something (Benoit) which helps too. Everyone is beating the shit out of each other with punches and CHOPS, and man oh man Benoit’s chops are LETHAL.

Is Benoit the best “fall out of sight from a bump” guy? I remember the one from Rebellion 2000 (check my ramble for it gif of it)… and now this:

I *think* the fans keep chanting “you screwed Bret” at HBK… but it sounds more like “you sold out” . Damn Canadians and their crazy accent. What’s that all aboot?

HBK spazzes out after a diving headbutt. Flops around like a fish out of water. There’s selling a move and then there’s HBK flopping a move .

HUGE POP FOR THE SHARPSHOOTER!

CROSSFACE TO HBK! BUT NO REFEREE, SO BENOIT GIVES UP~!

SHARPSHOOTER BY HBK~! IN CANADA~! TO A CANADIAN~! IN A TITLE MATCH~! AND EARL HEBNER SHOWS UP~! Gotta <3 WWE sometimes lol.

Big “let’s go Benoit” chant from the crowd… until HHH drops him on his head with a DDT and everyone shuts up .

“THEY’VE SEEN BENOIT CHOKE BEFORE MANY TIMES”

Oh god then IMMEDIATELY after that Lawler mentions his wife at ringside has seen him choke many times too . Akwaaaard…

TABLE SPOT~! that was the fucking dumbest shit I’ve seen HBK do in a LONG TIME . He basically does a DIVING ELBOW DROP through the table… but HHH and Benoit ARE STOOD UP AND FIGHTING IN FRONT OF THE TABLE. What the FUCK was he attempting to achieve? JR claims he was going for a cross body. Yeah ok. LOL.

At least in this match though someone other than Benoit gets taken out for a bit. I don’t think I could manage with another HBK Vs HHH segment. I still have Bad Blood HIAC to get through. That’s gonna take everything I’ve got to not shoot myself half way through. Would have preferred HHH took himself out so we got HBK Vs Benoit…

“ASSHOOOOOLE” Canadians are funneh .

Jebus, Lawler CONTINUES TO CALL BENOIT A CHOKER throughout this match.

Match gets boring around this time tbh. HHH is super slow and methodical but not doing anything particularly good or interesting so it just because SLOW AND DULL. Oh great, HBK comes back and Benoit ends up on the outside and we are “treated” to HBK Vs HHH for a little while…

No wonder I’ve always given up on this match lol . HHH control segment followed up with HHH Vs HBK? Urgh .

SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO BENOIT~!

LOW BLOW TO HBK~!

MR SLEDGEHAMMER~!

Poor HBK gets a shot to the back.

HHH goes head first into the ring post and… lands in the crowd .

SWEET CHIN MUSIC~! COUNTERED INTO A SHARPSHOOTER~!

HBK taps. BENOIT WINS.

Eh. Huge step down from their WM match, which I don’t think is exactly the GOAT WM match or anything either lol. First half is mostly good, but the second half gets dull as shit.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 7

Judgment Day 2004

 

I cannot wait to get to the main event. EDDIE VS JBL . Just hope the rest of the card isn’t too awful lol.

 

Rey Mysterio & RVD Vs The Dudley Boys

Awesome start to this match; Bubba screams at the ref because Rey isn’t holding onto the tag rope, so while the ref is dealing with Rey… Devon shows up and nails RVD from behind while Bubba gets out of the ring and stands on the apron .

RVD does a pretty sweeeeeeet kick to Devon’s head… but at the same time it was hilarious because it looked like RVD just fell to the floor and then his leg bounced off the mat .

More great heel tag work from those DAMN DUDLEYS as Bubba keeps attacking RVD while on the apron, and pulling the ropes down in order to gain an unfair advantage.

I swear RVD doesn’t do ANYTHING except kick for the entire time he’s in the match before Rey gets a hot tag, aside from a dive over the ropes about 2 minutes into the match .

Rey’s turn to be FIP. He tries for the West Coast Pop but Bubba catches him in a powerbomb position, then throws him up and back so he lands throat first on the ropes .

Dudley’s are totally ruling in this. They just BEAT DOWN whoever happens to be in the ring with them. Nothing fancy, just big clubbing blows. Bubba lands one hell of a fucking shot to Rey’s ribs while setting him up for a suplex. He just winds back and decks Rey in the ribs with a right hand. Just for the fucking hell of it.

Can’t believe I wasn’t looking forward to this. I like Rey and I like the Dudley Boys, and at times RVD can be good too. I guess the whole “2004” Dudley Boys put me off a bit because when I was watching all this stuff at the time, the Dudleys were stale as FUCK to me. But this is an awesome tag match. Perfect example of how a tag match should be done.

RVD hot tag and… holy shit he does a clothesline!!! Followed by some kicks .

Lol, you KNOW the Wassup headbutt isn’t going to happen when the referee doesn’t even attempt to pretend there is something to distract him .

Shades of READY TO RUMBLE with RVD launching Rey up into Devon who is sat on the turnuckle ready for a hurricanrana. I love that move lol. And I love that movie!

619~! FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH~! RVD AND MYSTERIO WIN~!

Yeah this is kinda awesomes.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Booker T gets interviewed and half of his promo is him turning AWAY FROM THE MICROPHONE so we can barely hear his shit .

 

at Angle having his own PORTABLE RAISING STAND . GM wheelchair Kurt was awesome. Angle says he hopes LA gets the biggest earthquake in history once he leaves. HE WANTS TO KILL THEM ALL . Now he wants to end Torrie Wilson’s career.

 

Torrie Wilson Vs Dawn Marie – If Torrie Loses She’s Fired

Hmmm… a career IS on the line in this match… and yet I’m still not watching .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

JBL backstage promo .

 

Scotty 2 Holly Vs Mordecai

Mordecai . He was originally set to be a big opponent for Undertaker .

.

.

This is a decent enough squash. at Scotty hitting a superkick and nearly doing the worm. I’d have given this ***** is Scotty actually landed it .

RAZOR’S EDGE~!

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Chavo Classic with his pants down . Jacqueline shows up and brings Chavo Jr a gift… bra and panties! at Chavo Classic in the background playing around with them .

 

Rico & Charlie Hass Vs Hardcore Holly & Billy Gunn – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Rico & Charlie Hass were tag champs?

Harcore Holly & Billy Gunn are teaming here? Did they run out of actual tag teams?

at Billy and Bob (ha, Harcore has teamed with both GUNNS) arguing over who starts the match against Rico.

Did they ever do a Rico and Goldust tag or match?

Hass frustrates Holly by taking the match to the mat and owning him. at Rico slapping Hass’ tits to tag in. Then he bums Holly who runs away and tags out.

Rico is hilarious. Slapping people on the arse, grabbing arses, slapping tities and tweaking nipples . Gunn tries to run and tag out but Holly dives off the apron to avoid it .

Seems that Billy Gunn isn’t the ASS MAN that Rico was hoping .

Hass gets back in and now Holly and Gunn can mount some offence as they feel more comfortable dominating a guy wearing nothing but boots and super short shorts… while Rico is fully dressed .

Miss Jackie is great on the outside just bouncing around. Lucky Hass gets to hit that any time he wants. Unless she’s tired. or has a headache. Or doesn’t feel like it. Or is mad at him for something he should know about but doesn’t and she refuses to tell him what it is…

“DON’T YOU HURT MY CHARLIE” that was from RICO and not Jackie .

“HERE COMES RICO EXPLODING ON BILLY GUNN” .

FAMEASSER TO RICO~!

GERMAN TO GUNN~!

ALABAMA SLAM COUNTERED BY A SUPERKICK TO THE FACE WHICH TURNS INTO A SUNSET FLIP FOR THE 3 COUNT~!

Cool finish. Fun match. Rico stuff was awesome . This show is turning out to not be quite as awful as I was expecting. So far…

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

THE UNDERTAKER~! AND PAUL BEARER~! JUST RANDOMLY STANDING BACKSTAGE WITH PURPLE LIGHTING AND SMOKE~!

 

Jacqueline Vs Chavo Guerrero – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match, Chavo’s arm is tied behind his back

like I’m even gonna attempt this.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

John Cena Vs Rene Dupree – WWE United States Championship Match

fuck this shit.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

The Undertaker Vs Booker T

Man I still remember the episode of SD when Undertaker first appears to confront Booker T. Fans went fucking APESHIT . In fact I think I have it on disc somewhere. Might pop it in later just to watch that segment lol.

Shame Undertaker was stuck with Booker T after returning as the Dead Man at WM. Booker T sucks. If only Lesnar had stayed . Lesnar? Undertaker? THE STREAK ISN’T BROKEN DAMMIT .

at Booker T with a bag of dirt. Apparently it’s to help him against The Undertaker. It’d be more useful for him to throw the dirt in Undertaker’s eyes…

“It’s often debated, of whether or not the Undertaker is dead or alive” are you fucking serious Cole? 6 months ago he was a fucking redneck biker. WE KNOW HE ISN’T REALLY DEAD .

Booker T shoves Undertaker… so Undertaker blasts him in the face with a right hand. Booker T no smart.

Undertaker dominates Booker early on, until Booker manages to smash Undertaker’s throat down onto the ropes and follow up with a missile dropkick. And his control segment lasts about a minute before Undertaker is back in charge . Can’t complain, I don’t really buy Booker being in control of DEAD MAN Undertaker for long. You know, because Booker T sucks.

LAST RIDE~! BOOKER T ESCAPES~! THROWS THE DIRT INTO UNDERTAKER’S EYE~! I swear I did NOT remember Booker T doing that. But I totally said he should have at the start!!!

it’s totally worthless though, Undertaker just gets PISSED.

KNEE FIRST INTO THE TURNBUCKLE~! Booker T can work the leg of Undertaker now, which might be more believable for him to control the match than punching Undertaker in the face like he tried earlier…

I know Paul Bearer wasn’t in the best of health around this time after his surgery, but fuck me, he does NOTHING on the outside. In fact I forgot he was there until he stood next to Undertaker while he was on the outside recovering from being sent knee first into the steel steps.

Fucks sake Booker. Undertaker’s KNEE is hurt… and you are locking in a FRONT FACE LOCK? Why are you so damn retarded?

AXE KICK~! Undertaker kicks out and sits up! Screw you and your shitty finisher!

CHOKESLAM~! Booker T jumps too high and nearly fucks up the move .

TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER~! This is over.

Match is ok. Nothing special, but certainly watchable, and being BIASED like I am for Undertaker matches, I enjoyed it more than most people probably will .

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs JBL – WWE Championship Match

THIS is the match I’ve been waiting for. What a fucking build up to this one too. JBL goes from a beer drinking tag wrestler to who he actually is in real life, a rich bastard . He wants to succeed in wrestling just as he has in the stock market. He gets a title shot, then proceeds to mess with Eddie, and even his family, causing his mother to have a heart attack! Eddie is fucking PISSED and goes nuts, killing everyone he sees with a steel chair, and taking JBL he’s going to kick the SHIT out of him. He said SHIT. He hit babyfaces, heels and referees with a chair. And we LOVED IT, because it’s exactly what we’d expect someone to do in this situation. None of this smiley smiley Cena crap.

JBL cuts a promo before the match and says he just fired his maid because she stole from him, but he’ll happily hire Eddie’s MUM. What a cunt!

EDDIE chants before he even comes out . Love this entrance btw. He plays to the crowd like always, because he loves his fans and knows they helped him get to where he is, but as he gets closer to the ring, he keeps glancing over at JBL and you see him stop smiling for a moments before going back to slapping hands of fans and whatnot. And then he gets to the ring and doesn’t take his eyes of JBL. He’s fucking pissed and JBL is going to PAY tonight .

Bell rings and Eddie charges at JBL and beats the FUCK out of him. Or SHIT, to be more precise! No locking up, no feeling each other out, just pure VIOLENCE .

JBL bumps like crazy for Eddie. Going down from just one punch, despite the size difference which would put people off going down from one shot. He damn near kills himself going head first into the ring post and then diving over the announce table (nearly taking out the Spanish announcers too lol). Always great when a heel will go out of their way to really put over the babyface no matter what.

Man, JBL gets NOTHING in for the first 3 or 4 minutes. Awesome.

An Irish Whip reversal gives JBL a chance to recover and finally go on the attack. He gives it all back to Eddie, punching him in the face and even sending him over the Spanish Announce table!

Like the use of a headlock by JBL here. He keeps blasting Eddie and knocking him down, but the champ keeps bouncing back up, refusing to stay down, so JBL just grabs him in a headlock and powers him down to the mat to KEEP him down.

CROSSBODY OVER THE ROPES~! JBL CATCHES HIM~! FALL AWAY SLAM ON THE FLOOR~!

BACK BODY DROP~! EDDIE LANDS ON THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE~! TABLE DOESN’T BREAK~! But Eddie is STILL getting back up and trying to fight!!! NOTHING will stop him from avenging his family!!!

JBL does a nice job just trying to beat down and wear down Eddie, but man oh man Eddie’s comebacks are a thing of beauty. MULTIPLE THUMBS TO THE EYE~!

THREE AMIGOS~! But JBL counters the third one.

Holy shit at that ref bump! That looked fucking AWESOME. Eddie fires up, does his VIVA LA RASA schtick, then turns and runs for the ropes and the moment he turns and starts moving he CRASHES into the referee and it looked like the most… organic ref bump EVER tbh.

And then it happens. THAT FUCKINGS CHAIR SHOT. Holy motherfucking SHIT. JBL hits Eddie full force, and Eddie is GUSHING BLOOD. FUCKING GUSHING BLOOD. Fucking SICK.

The blade job makes Vince McMahon look like the most cautious blader in the history of blading.

STEEL STEPS THE TO THE FACE~! JBL isn’t giving Eddie a chance in hell.

JBL PUNCHING the open wound makes me . Simple shit that makes a match more awesome.

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL~! The referee is still down though, meanwhile the fans are chanting for Eddie to get back into this thing. Another referee and…

EDDIE KICKED OUT!!!

Another Clothesline from Hell attempt is countered by a drop toe hold, and JBL takes out the second ref!

POWERBOMB~! The first ref is able to make a cover now, but EDDIE STILL KICKS OUT!!!

NOTHING is going to stop Eddie! He’s fighting for MORE than just the title!!!

Sleeper hold, and fuck me that’s a brilliant move. All that blood loss PLUS a sleeper? Eddie could be FINISHED.

Oh man oh man oh FUCKING MAN. Eddie firing up, COVERED IN BLOOD and after the beating he’s taken is fucking tremendous! that might be one of my favourite things ever in a match.

FALL AWAY SLAM COUNTERED INTO A DDT~!

FROG SPLASH~! But Eddie in the state he’s in took far too long, and JBL moved. Man, the ring is just stained with BLOOD. In-fucking-sane.

JBL tries to take a page out of Eddie’s book, bringing in a steel chair and the title belt. While the ref gets rid of the chair, he tries to use the title, but Eddie takes it from him! Then, in plain sight of the referee, Eddie DECKS JBL with the title, getting himself DQ’d. Then he mounts Bradshaw and unloads with rights and lefts until 3 referees drag him away! Eddie isn’t done with JBL! The match might be over, but Eddie’s revenge isn’t!!!

CHAIR TO THE FACE~! Sweet justice for earlier in the match. ANOTHER SHOT WITH THE CHAIR~! FROG SPLASH~! The referees drag JBL out of the ring to SAVE HIM FROM EDDIE.

This. Is. Incredible. It’s just wonderful in every way possible. The angle going into the match is great. Everything they do in the match is PERFECT for the feud. No fancy wrestling, just straight up FIGHTING, especially from Eddie. The blood adds more to this match than perhaps any other. Eddie fighting back from all the abuse and the sick blade job is amazing. One of the few matches to make great use of a DQ finish too. I don’t think anything from 2004 I still need to watch is going to top this!!!

Rating: ****3/4
CAL SCALE – 8

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 12